Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole’s a Cutie

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer swap stories about being pulled over, picking a fight on the road, and the trials and tribulations of having cutie privilege. Sasheer also shares about what she (may have) found in the Uber on the way to the studio, which reminds Nicole of a fateful plane ride discovery she’ll never forget. Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Hello, Nicole. How'd you get here today? I took an Uber. I took an Uber. Well, you were telling me a story before we started recording, and I said, save it for the pod. And you're right.

This should be on record. I took an Uber here. And I had to put bags in the trunk. And I opened the trunk, and there was, like, some brown schmutz in there. And I was like, ugh. And I, like, don't know. And I, like, took. Instead of like putting my stuff up with me in the front,

I just put it to one to the other side that was clean. And then I was like, wait, is that food or is it poop? But it didn't stink. So hopefully not poop. But then I got worried. So then I like reached my arm behind me just to hold my suitcase. So we didn't slide around as you turned. And every time we turned, I was like, like, bracing myself.

trying to make sure I didn't move. The driver's like, what's going on with her? She's really concerned about her luggage. And then I also, like, when we weren't turning, I just tried to, like, rest my arm back here. Like, I was, like, super chill. It's like... Oh, I just, like, having my arm rest on the other seat.

That is so funny. Wait, did they help you put your stuff in the... No! I was like, can I put myself in the back? And he was like, yeah. I was like, then I guess I'll do it myself. And so I opened the trunk and I was like, ew, weird, put myself down. And I was like, oh, shit, what is this?

Something really bad? Which I'm also like, yeah, when would that have happened? Did he know it was back there? Does he think nothing's back there? Yeah. Was this a prank? Is he like, I wonder if she's going to put in the poop. You're on candid camera.

You're one of the hundreds of people who said nothing. Oh, no! Oh, no. That is awful. I would want to be one of people's like, hey man, what's this nasty stuff in the back? That's like that show, what would you do if a crime happened in front of you? What was it called?

I think just what would you do? You added a lot more, but I think... What would you do if a crime happened in front of you? Which I... I don't know. I think of an actual injustice. this was happening in front of me, I would do something. But I wonder

what it was. Like, I wonder if it's motor oil, if he was having a fudgy candy bar. Or if he took a shit in his trunk. Or like his dog took a shit in the trunk or something? Oh, never occurred to me. I thought that man climbed right a bit.

He's like, eh. Well, what kind of car was it? You know I don't know cars. Yes. Okay, was a hatchback? Yes. A trunk. Oh, okay. Hatchback. Yeah. So things can climb in.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A climbing thing.

A climbing car. I, yeah. I think I might say something, especially if it really look like shit. Like it was like smeared. It wasn't like a log, you know? Like it was like. But maybe motor oil. I'm hoping it's motor oil.

But there wasn't like. car stuff back there. There was literally nothing else back there. It wasn't like, oh, this can, like, knocked over. It was empty. An empty trunk with just a smear. Mystery goop. I hope it was Nutella.

Maybe he was having a romantic picnic with his partner. Okay. Yeah. And they were having Nutella sandwiches. And it glooped out. And then he was like, I have a ride, Cynthia. And pushed her out of the hatchback, wiped it up real quick and came to scoop you up.

And Cynthia's still at the park. And that's why he was like, I can't get out to let your stuff in because I got hurry and to get back to this date. I have to get back. That makes sense. Yeah. I hope it was that. I got into an Uber slightly wet. Like you were wet.

Yes. Okay. And as I sat in that man's seat, I was like, and this is what, this is how it happens. You've gotten into an Uber right and you're like, is this moist? Yeah. Why? Because of me. Were you like out of, fresh out of pool?

Peepied. No, I'm kidding. I was at a pool. Imagine that's how I tell you I had an accident. I peeped on myself. I peeped. So I was wet. I'm not going to tell you why. That is funny that I said I was wet. I was like, I hope it was from a pool. It was from a pool. Got it. And then I was really hung over that day. And this was in Atlanta. And Tess was like, so you don't want to bring anything with you to the pool? And I was hung over. And I had my pants on, my bathing suit. Or no, I had jeans on my bathing suit in a shirt. And I was like, what else would I need? She was like, a change of underwear.

And I went, and then she was like, do you have sunscreen? I said, in my room. And she's like, do you want to get it? And I was like, no. So then I was just wet. And she was right. I wanted to bring more things. And I just didn't.

She knew. She knew. Yeah. And I chose to not be comfortable. Yeah. I, well, you know, I found a piece of shit in my blanket on an airline. And that was a log. So crazy.

That was so crazy. That's insane. Somebody asked you about it recently, and I was like, well, I'll find the picture. And I was like, it's a little grainy because the lights were off because it was during the landing. And I pulled it up and I was like, it's still shit. You can tell it shit. It is definitely shit. That is crazy.

It really is so wild. And then I got on a plane once where there was like brown crumbles in the like tray table. Like, you know, the little side thing. I was like, not again. Not again. And I got up and I said, I need those wipes. I need it. I need it.

Can you actually wipe that? Yeah. And I know it's not their fault. It's the cleaner's fault. But I was like, I can't be shitted on again. Shit on me once. Shame on me. Shame on me.

Shit on me twice. Please. Please don't. Give me a plane. Please stop shitting on me. Stop the poop. Stop the poop, please. You know when an Uber comes and gets you and there's like, there are groceries and a baby

carriage, a car seat in the back? Are you taking me home? But you like got picked up at the airport, so it's like, so you knew where you were getting me from. and you left everything in your trunk. Why do people do that? I don't know. It is, yeah, they have, like, just, like, so much stuff.

Their whole life. And they're like, oh, let me scoot all my construction stuff out of the way. Sorry, I have wood planks in here. Yeah, I would just like to put my suitcase there. It's so wild. And then when they don't get out to help you, I'm a woman. I am a woman. I am tainty.

I have nails. I just see one video of a woman like kind of berating a driver because he didn't come out to help her with her bags. And he came out and he had like a cane and she was like, oh, I'm sorry. And he's like, no, no, no, I got it. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's why I won't like get into it with somebody. Because you don't know what they have. I don't know what's going on. I just know I'm angry. I would rather you help me. I want you to help. that's okay. I got an Uber where he took a long time to get out.

So then I started putting my stuff in the car. And he was like, let me. And I was like, let you what? It's done. Yeah, like, I'm not going to wait. And then he went, he like shook it to make sure he did something. And I was like, what, you got to put your fingerprints on my shit? Like, what are we doing?

Yeah, there it is. In that spot is where I want it. I got into a cab where the driver. the driver and I got into an argument about Los Angeles, California, when we were not in Los Angeles, California. He asked me where I live, and I told him, and he was like, well, that's not L.A. And I was like, it is actually L.A. And he was like, no, it's not.

And I said, oh, okay, where are we now? And he said, Columbus, Ohio, where the fuck we were? And I was like, tell me about that. Yeah. And he went, what do you mean? And I said, tell me about what you know, because apparently you don't know anything. And then he was like huffing and puffing. But guess what?

I will fight you. I know that. I know that to be true. You'll fight anybody. I hit a lady on the highway. Which is how I presented it to you the other day, which is a wild way to present that information. But I was driving. I merged in front of this person.

It was not an issue because in my rearview mirror, there was a huge gap. Sure. But this lady lays on her horn and then gets to the side of me and then cuts. me off when there was really no room. So then I had to hit my brakes. And then we were at a full stop. I said, where are you fucking going? I'm going to hit you now.

So then I tapped her car a couple of times. She had a little heart sticker. There was no love there. She's lying. There's no peace. You're a bitch. It should say bitch on the back of your car. And then she got into the carpool lane alone.

Wow. And sped away. Wow. And I said, you're not going to escape me. I'm coming to find. No, I'm kidding, I do not go find her. No, because then I'd be crazy. Yes.

But it is crazy that I hit her. You need to be in front of me. I'm going to hit you. And I guess, yeah, she didn't do anything. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Shoot me on the five? Shoot me?

Sometimes people get shot. I dare you Please don't dare them I dare you If you pull out of gun on the highway I'd be like, you go show me I think anyone's immune Anyone could get shot at any moment

Okay, just imagine being the most angry You've ever been And you get out of your car You got a gun in your hand Oh, okay You couldn't do it No So you're banking on your cute effect

Your charm? Yeah, that I'm so adorable that they won't be able to do that. You want to shoot this face? Come on. My hands are on. Yeah, I guess. It does not.

Wait, have we talked about when I got into a fight with cops? I don't know. Have I told you about this? I don't know. I was taking Tesla home. Uh-huh. And there was a cop right. So her house is here.

There was a cop here, but like, in the, like, the way I was go. They had pulled somebody over, and instead of being directly behind them so traffic can continue, they were blocking the street. So then I did a three-point turn to try to go around, and then they started moving. So I rolled down, it's in the middle. So I rolled down my window, and I said, y'all could have gone to the side of the road and not block traffic. And they were like, oh, are you certain you couldn't get to where you were going? And I was like, I know you're mocking me. I know you're making.

I'm like, oh no, we're mocking you. And I was like, I swear to God. And the test, it goes, they might shoot you. Oh, no. And I was like, they're being mean to me. They're not going to shoot me. And I was like, you're rude, you're rude. And I'm like, out my window.

Screaming at these two cops, you're going, you can't get to work your cops. Were they laughing? Yes. Yes. They literally mocked me. me and we're like boo-hoo. Like the one farthest away was going like this.

And the other one was like, you can't get to where you're going. That's like a cartoon. They were cartoon characters and it made me angrier. And then I became more of a cartoon because I was, since here when I say out my window, I was like, out my window with like my head going like that. I mean, it's funny because they just did it. They pulled a you on you.

You'll do that to other people. to make them mad. Yeah. Yeah. John was telling me a story about, or his partner was telling me a story about how he ran into a woman at, you know, right by Lil Dom's, where it is a stop sign, a stop sign,

and then four lanes of traffic. So, like, if you're trying to turn, it's kind of hard. And he said he ran into somebody that he knew, and she went, hey! And stopped her car. third into park and kept going, go around, go around. How are you? Yeah, yeah, go, go. So what's going on? I tried to have a full conversation with him as he was like, you're creating a catastrophe. I would be so stressed. I was like, I identify with that. Like, I would do that. Yeah, yeah, go around, go around.

So, heard the news. Yeah, keep going. That's very funny. You're absolutely right. I cause problems. Then I'm rude to people. And that's what those cops gave me a taste of my own medicine. Mm-hmm. And it was bitter. But it was very funny to hear Tessa's small voice going, they can shoot you.

Or no, they will shoot you. Because they had guns. They have guns. Mm-hmm. And they're not afraid to use it. They really aren't. Especially on black people. Yeah, but look at this black.

She's a cutie. Cuity privilege. I kind of do think I have cutie privilege. Yeah, I think so too. Because I have been very rude to something. Like, at the airport sometimes, you know, you're delayed. You get a little aggressive. And I remember there was a gate agent, and I like snapped at her, and I went,

I'm really sorry. I snapped at you and it's not your fault. How are you doing? And she went, oh, I'm good. It's okay. Traveling is so hard. And I was like, mm-hmm. And I was like, got her.

It's like, where'd that lollipot come from? Trailing's so hard. Oh, shucks. I didn't realize it was going to be that hard of a day. Yeah. I miss my parents. They're dead. Oh, sweetie.

Let me help you. But I'm like, okay. But yeah, sometimes I'll really turn it up and be like, I don't know where to go. And I've had people lead me the whole way to places. Because I'm like, oh. A left and a right. Left and a right. Left and a right.

That is funny. Yeah. Do you ever use cutie privileges? I think I did try it once where I was in a zip van, you know, zip car and how you can, like, rent a car or a van or whatever the day. And so I was running a van to move something. And the side mirror hit somebody else's side mirror. And they were in their car. And I stopped, pulled over.

And the guy came running after the car. And he started yelling at me. And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, it's okay. That is very funny. Yeah. If you cry, men really do retreat. They're like, oh, God.

I want to deal with this. What are you with you when you're like this? When you're like this. No. For whatever reason, I get more aggressive when there's, like, police involved. I really don't want that to happen. I got pulled over. In the last episode, I was talking about having jersey plates, dealer plates.

I still had Jersey dealer plates on my Honda Civic at the time. And I was pulled over, and she was like, do you know why I pulled you over? And I was like, because I'm black. And she was like, what? And she was clearly Latino. Like, which, you know, could be, you know. But, like, she was like, what? And I was like, mm, yeah, okay.

And then she was like, no, you did not use your blinker and you were speeding. And I was like, was like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, I don't know, what's wrong with you? And she was like, I, and she was like revving up to like be, I don't know, a mean cop. And then she was like, give me a second. Like went back to her squad car and she was like, you are so lucky something more important happened. And I said, why, what were we going to do? And she was like, can you just stop?

I was like, uh-huh. And then as she like drove away, I was like, what is actually wrong with me? Yeah, what is that? Girl. I don't know. That's the most dangerous situation you could be in. I know. We need to take a break to process that.

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We're back. I ran a stop sign in New Jersey when I was putting some stuff in storage when we sold my dad's house. And I was driving my mom's old minivan. Definitely ran a stop sign. got pulled over and the officer was like, do you know why I pulled you over? And I think again, I said, because I'm young and black. He was like, no, you ran a stop sign. And then I went, my mom just died.

But it was my dad. I don't know why I said my mom. My dad had literally just died. And I was like, and he goes, just go. Just go. And I went, thank you so much. Then I drove away and I was like, what's going on? Yeah, that's a lot.

Yeah, I keep driving away going, what's going on? You, like, black out and just don't know what you're doing. We were driving and watching a rental car. And we got pulled over because you were speeding. And the officer was like, why were you speeding? And you were like, I mean, look at this car. He didn't like it. He did not like it.

And he walked away and I was like, you have to pretend. You have to fake it. Please, please. Like cooperate. So then do you remember what I said to you next? Oh, so you're like, I should tell him that I'm, you're a runaway slave? You were wearing a scarf on your head. And I said, well, it's better than what I was going to say.

I was going to say, I was taking you to freedom. He said, no. You were like, don't say that when he comes back. Don't say anything. Say you're sorry. I was like, okay. But in my defense, it was a BMW drop-top convertible. It's supposed to go fast.

You got to go fast. It was so lovely. I don't think they care. That trip was so funny. We stayed at a hotel where there was blood on my bed sheets. Yeah. Bugs coming out of the faucet. Yeah.

The showerhead was so loose and janky. The carpet was disgusting. There was a rag that had a little sign that was like four stains. I was like, what stains are we creating that we need a special rag for it? And I remember it was a sasker. Watch Festival. And you were doing stand-up. I went with you.

And I remember everyone being like, you're staying there? And we were like, yeah? Yeah. Is that okay? It was not okay. It was not okay. It was so nasty. Yeah.

Ugh, but that BMW. Ooh, it moved. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I haven't been pulled over in a long time. Knock on.

Something. They would. It might be real. Yeah. Have you been pulled over very much? No. Not in a long time. I got pulled over one time driving, I think, to my dad's from college.

And I was, I had one of those, like, as like a cassette converter where, like, the cassette had a wire that went to my CD player. I said, like changing CDs, driving really fast. Got pulled over because I was speeding. And she was like, also, you're not wearing your lap belt because I had the one of the ones where the seatbelt was like attached to the door. And then you're supposed to like manually put your lap belt. And I was like, but I have this part. My torso's protected. And she's like, no, you're supposed to click it.

Click it or tick it. And I was like, but this thing clicked. And she's like, no, no, no. And I had a crack in my windshield. And she's like, well, this is an obstruction of view. And I was like, I can see around it. She's like, but it's also a hazard because of another rock hits or whatever. I can smash.

You can get a car accident. And I was like, fine. So then I went to court. I got a ticket, but then I went to court to like dispute it. And she was like, what are you disputing? All of this is true. And they're like, we'll lower the fine. But you did do all these things.

You did do all these things. That's so funny that you showed up. They were like, but you did it. You did it. I don't even know what my justification was, but I was like, I just don't want to just pay for it. I want to fight it. I want to fight this. Sure, we'll lower it.

I used to smoke in my car, and I was smoking a cigarette. It was my old little BMW, and I tossed it out the window and it was like, woo, woo, and he, like, comes over, and he's like, do you know why I pulled you over? And I was like, no. I was like, I'll be nice. No. He goes, you were littering. And I said, littered what? He was like, you threw your cigarette butt out the window.

And I said, do you want me to put it out in this car? He was like, yeah, that's what that thing in the middle is for. And I was like, well, it's going to get dirty. And then how would I clean it? He, like, activated me. And then he was like, well, I'm going to give you a ticket for littering. And I was like, okay. And then he was like, your attitude.

And I was like, okay. I don't remember what I said to your attitude. Oh, no, no, I started it because I cracked my window. He came to the side. He was like, roll down your window, and I went, I went, this is L.A. No, I don't know what you're going to do. And he was like, roll down your window. And I was like, okay.

And then I also think I had dealer plates on that car too. And then I think my registration was also expired. There was just a lot going on, but he only gave me the littering ticket. And then I remember driving away, and I love it. lit up another cigarette and just hung it off the window. Girl. I don't know. I'm just like, I dare you to take me to jail.

I'm too cute for jail. They'll have to let me out. Someone might one day. I'll tell you this. My impulse control is a little bit better now that I'm medicated. And I love that. Because I think if I got pulled over tomorrow, I would say, take me in.

Just kidding. I fought with those cops like not even a year ago. You hit someone recently. Yeah, I think that was Saturday. The first time I did it was at the airport. Terrible places to do it. People were amped up. What are you going to do to me?

There's cops everywhere. You're going to pull out a gun and then you get to go to jail and then your friend doesn't get picked up. They're going to be mad at you. You're going to get in trouble. But it was a G-wagon that cut me off. And I was like, so you had to be in front of me, and we were bumper to bumper. So I just started tapping him.

And then this little man got out of the car. And I cracked my window and I said, what are you going to do? We're going to do, take my car apart? We're going to pull me out of my car. And guess what? He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. That's too much work.

He has a job to do. He got to pick somebody up. That's true. You're in the arrivals line. Clearly someone's arriving. Someone's arriving. You want to be late. I might have said that too.

Don't be late for your pickup. And we were picking up Tesla's sister, and BB got in the car, and test goes, you'll never believe what just happened. She was like, what do you mean you hit that car? And I was like, you just tapped it. It's a Jeep. No damage to me. It's built for all terrain.

Getting cars and rocks. It's not four hitting cars. That's like the point of a Jeep. It's part of the Jeep slogan. I don't think so at all. Cars and rocks, dude. No. No, you're right.

I don't know. I'm living my best life. I parked my car so poorly that if someone hits me, it is my fault. I parked in the smallest spot where I was just doing this until I was like, this problem belongs to the world. So I said to Alley when I came in, I was like, eh, that's the world. That's the street's problem. They'll figure it out.

Yeah, they'll go around or they'll hit it. I need my tires inflated anyway. What? Well, there's low tire pressure, so when they fill them with air, they can also fix my taillight or whatever somebody hit. Oh, I see. So you're like, I'm going to the mechanic anyway. I got to go anyway.

Hit me up. But that's all to say, I really hope my car hasn't been hit. I see. But it is not parked well. I actually did have a moment like that recently where I didn't do anything, But when we left the shooting range, when we were clay shooting, I had turned on a street and that was empty. And then there was a car coming from so far away, but I guess it was like speeding and wanted to continue speeding. And I was in the way.

And so it like was right up on my bumper and was like lights blaring. And I was like, I'm going to worry. So I went slower. And my, I was like, I had to take this car in anyway. My side mirror is damage. My front is damaged. Hit me. I have nowhere to go.

I have all the time in the world. Hit me. And I just went slow forever. And he was so mad. Just like swerving and like trying to move around. I was like, do, do, do. And then we finally got to a light. And he like swerved around.

And I was like, yeah. Hello. I've done that before. I did it once on the highway. Oh, boy. And I was bad because I went really, really slow. And then there was like a good amount of traffic. And then when they were like, oh, there's enough room for me to get around and get in front of them,

I sped right on up so they couldn't do that. And then when they had to get, and then, you know, that car starts like going a little slower so then I slowed down to just make it impossible. to get around me. And then they thought they got me. They went one, two, three lanes over, cut in front of those cars to get in front of me and slammed on their brakes,

but I knew what they were going to do. So I saw that I had it open, so I just changed points. And they was trying to get me for a very long time, multiple exits. Oh my goodness. Never once bothered. Always evading.

Always evading. Never could slam right in front of me. She kept moving, bippin and bopping. Wow, look her. Bobbing and swerving. You want to play a dangerous game? You do that on your own. I'm not participating, unless it's bumper to bumper, and I'll hit you.

Also, you were participating because you kept slowing down and speeding up. Oh, I, mm. I'm okay. That's fully participating. Sometimes you think things are different. You're like, I was minding my own business. You were purposely inferior. this person.

Yeah, you're right. But here's what I, just drive normal, everybody. Yeah. Everybody has just have a nice time. If someone cuts you off, go about your day. Mm-hmm.

Or do what I do. I go, what is this? And then we move on. Mm-hmm. I'm not getting next to you. What am I going to say? Where are you going?

Whenever, whenever I'm like in the wrong and no I'm wrong. Mm-hmm. And like, I'm like, oh, yeah. did bad. That person's mad. And they pull up next to me. I'm like, what do you want? Yeah. I did it. Yeah, it's done. And I've done that before. Rolled down my window and been like, it's done. I did it. I'm sorry. Move on with your day. Yeah. It is like, it's an unfortunate way for people's like mental illnesses to come out onto each other. Like, because you don't know

what day someone's having, what life someone's having. And then they are just like, oh, okay, you found the right one. Today's the day where I lose it. on somebody. Yeah. I was clipped once. Probably talked about this. But we both pulled over. I got out of my car and I screamed at this man

who had like, I think, his insurance stuff out because he clipped my car. And his car had a little bit of damage. And I was like, oh, you're a big man. You had to get in front of me. Ooh, did you get to where you needed to go faster? No. Whereabouts on the side of the road?

He's like, sorry. And then I, he didn't get to say anything. I marched to my car, saw no damage, and I said, your car's fucked up. Mine's not. You'll have to deal with this. And I think I laughed. Drove away. So yeah, it really is interesting.

How mental illness presents itself when you're aggravated. Specifically yours. But I was so mad. He hit my car because he had to be in front of me. And then this again. I may have cut him off. I don't remember. I simply don't remember.

But again, you're now later. And now you have to deal with all that stuff. Yeah. Let's all just wave at one another. Yeah. Like whoopsie-dups. Bye. Sorry.

Yeah. I took our friend's daughter driving and she hit a side view mirror in my car. And I just like clocked it in the side view. I was like, okay, I don't think there's any damage. And she just went, oops. And I was like, Yeah.

We could all kind of learn from... Oops. Oh, well. Oh, well. She was also merging at one point, and I was like, you gotta look. You gotta, you just gotta. Oh, no. And she was like, I did.

And I was like, you actually didn't. I'm like watching you from my side eye. She truly didn't even put on a blinker and just started drifted. And I was like, hey. I was like, I know I said I'd be a little bit more hands off. And she was like, I looked. And I was like, I. Okay. The idea of people learning to drive is scary. Like, it's so far in the past for me that I forget what it was like to learn how to drive.

Uh-huh. But some people like still need to learn, you know? They just send you off. They really do. I mean, like you pass enough, I guess, but then they're just like, well, good luck out there. Yeah. Here's a car. Have a nice time. Invite your friends. Yeah. The music. Roll down those windows. Smoke some weed, maybe. Yeah. Those are all things I did immediately. Immediately after getting my license, I got a teeny tiny little car that didn't have no power to it. I would pack it full of people. The bottom of it was sometimes scrape leaving a parking lot because there was too many people in it.

That's fun. We'd smoke a blunt and then like whip the car around. Yeah. Wild. Wild. Mm-mm. But I was never an accident in that car. No, that's a lie.

I was in two accidents. But not real ones. I just backed into a tree. Well, at least no one else is involved with that. No. And my friend John loves to say, do you know what you said after you hit that tree? And I was like, no, what? Apparently I went, ooh, a snowbank.

He was like, it was spring. I threw my car in reverse, did not look behind me, hit a tree and went, ooh, a snowbank. That's really funny. Also, isn't a snowbank like you're going down into it? I don't know. For some reason, I thought it was snow. Must have been a snowbank.

I once backed into a dumpster, and it sounded like my whole car was gone. I like got out of the car, and I was like, oh, okay, it's fine. I had a really bad habit of not looking in anything and just being like, grr. Yeah, you got to look behind you. Now I look. Okay, good. I use my mirrors.

Mm-hmm. There's many. There are. There's so many mirrors. I don't like those rear-view mirrors that have the video. That's so disorienting to me. Yeah, it makes me a little nauseous. It's like I can't look at it when someone else has it in their car.

I'm also like, how is that helpful to you? Yeah, I don't understand. The mirror was just fine. The mirror would definitely tell you what's back there. I don't understand why you need a video. Especially while you're moving forward. You can't do anything behind you. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't. Unless you're a villain. And you're like releasing nails. to pop their tires Yes Yeah but otherwise you don't need it No I don't really understand it It's kind of like

I mean we've talked about this before But like with the AI of Google It was like well it was enough to just send me to the website It was already doing it Yeah Like the whole summary thing is like Well why Yeah why do I need to know what's behind me

When I'm moving forward I'm looking forward I'm not thinking about the past No. And that's a great metaphor for driving and life. But according to a video I once watched at the Scientology Center, things that happened in your past affect your future. Well, that's just true in general. I don't know if Scientology like understands that more than anybody else. And I'll tell you something. That's what everybody, I said this, like it was an epiphany. And everyone was like, so what were you thinking? before. Let's take a break. My mom is the queen of the bargain find, garage sales, clearance racks, you name it.

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So go make it one. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash, Best Friends. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash best friends. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcasts here on HeadGum. This podcast is brought to you by Square Span. Squarespace is the all-known website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing

through the web. SquareSpace gives you, everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all in my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to, like, find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the, like, it's all in one place.

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off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. We're back. That's funny that you're like, yeah, my past is just my past. It doesn't affect anything at all. No, it affects your future too.

Yeah, it really does. How you act, how you interact with people. It's wild. Yeah. It is annoying. Like, in therapy, sometimes I'll come back to the same themes of, like, something that happened in my childhood.

And I'm like, again, this, this too, this is also, Like, determined by the way I was raised, that sucks. That is funny because last week, it wasn't like an epiphany, but it was like, oh, a lot of this is interconnected with something from my childhood. And I was like, come on, I was a fucking kid. So annoying. How come I can't let it go? I know.

I'm an adult. I'm way past it. That's years ago. Get over it. Me? So wild. Something happened last night where I was like, ah, this is from my. My childhood, I don't like it.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. How annoying. How annoying. That your whole life haunts you forever. Yeah, I'm the ghost in my own haunted house. Oh, copyright it.

Merch it up. I was the ghost the whole time. I was the ghost the whole time. But it is kind of crazy to think about. Mm-hmm. And it also, like, okay. One, I could never kill anyone because I would tell everybody. That's the only reason?

Not like your morals or like the guilt. Well, that's what I'm getting to. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Two, the morals and they kill. But like people who kill who have no remorse who are like, no, no, this is what I meant to do. Like, that's wild. Do you think that they're their own ghost and they have things from their childhood that they're working through? Well, definitely.

100%. I don't know if they know that, but absolutely, yes. After it came out of my mouth, I was like, what's wrong with you, Nicole? Do you think killers may have had bad childhood? Probably. Yeah, I don't think it was like, man, they had it so good and they just felt like killing. We went to Disney all the time, and then I said, better kill my parents. No, something probably was wrong.

Yeah. I was watching a bummer of a documentary. And by watching, I mean, I was like doing laundry and folding and stuff. It was called Crash. Yes. Oh, I don't know Crash. So it's like kind of wild. This girl was dating this guy and was part of this friend group.

And she somehow crashes her car into the side of a building. She lives. The other two don't. But there's no like breaks. There's no like swerve marks. It is as if this girl just drove into the side of the wall. Oh, I do remember the story. But was it on purpose or no?

That's the thing. She's like in jail. Yeah. Some people think it is and some people think it wasn't on purpose. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. She like wasn't bad, but she was kind of like rebellious in a way that I'm like, and that makes you want to kill?

Do you know what I mean? Hmm. Maybe she was sad? And no one knew? Maybe, but I feel like she just did an interview where she was like, jail sucks. I was like, you kill people. Like, you kill people. I don't like it in here.

It's kind of boring. This polyester blend? Look, you killed! Right? She was like kind of flippant about a lot of things. Oh, no. The interview was very eerie. It was weird.

Yeah. Oh, no. And then I read something where it was like, that documentary left out a lot of things. Like, she was talking to her mom and like pig lat and being like, like, can we tell them I have seizures or something? And it's like making up excuses. It was like fighting with her boyfriend beforehand. But then like the documentary, it just really kind of like let her be like, yeah, it's crazy.

I hate her. Well, maybe she's sick. There might be like a disconnect there. Yeah, right? And were her parents like, what was their energy? Were they sad? Bad energy. Yeah.

Like, man, you know, my daughter's alive. These other two aren't. Wow. Like, it was just, the whole family was very strange. Damn. Yeah. I was talking about a documentary where this neighbor, like, kind of takes over a whole family. I forgot what it was called.

Maybe, like, the something next door, I don't know. Oh, wait, I think I heard about it, but I don't, I didn't see it. What's it about again? This man was like moves this neighborhood and like kind of enchants this family and was having an affair with a wife and then has an affair with the husband. Oh, yes. I think they did a peacock series about it. Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah.

I can't remember what it was called. But yeah. And then they were like, yeah, you can hang out with our kid. You can go on a trip. kid. Wait, what? He abducted their child and they were like, yeah, I mean, I guess we just trusted him too much. But I don't know.

I really do think we loved him. Like, they like, and like, thank the girl who got abducted as an adult now and she was in the documentary too. The only sane one. Really? Like, she was like, I would imagine did a lot of therapy in her life. to, like, figure this out and was kind of like, yeah, I mean, like, I think my parents just, like, were, like, probably lacking some sort of, like, affection or love or something and, like, found it in this man and just put too much trust in him and let me be abducted.

So this man, fuck the wife and the husband, and then took the child where? I don't remember. Just took him? To, like, a different state, like, a way. And they were, like, living together. And then I don't know how they got the daughter back. That is so wild. It was wild.

People really do the darnedest things. Yeah. It's not just kids. It's adults, too. Right? Is that a show kids say the darndest things. But people do the darndest things. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. That's wow. Should we answer questions? Questions? Yeah, let's do that. Hi, Nicole. It's this year. I have a friendship query, well, really an unfriendship query, as I'm trying to find the most

polite way to disengage this friendship. I recently reconnected with a childhood friend who's been through a lot of trauma. Our first time hanging out was mostly centered on her telling me about these various traumas, which was to be expected as she's been very open about her journey through social media. I didn't mind this at all, especially since she told me about the therapy she's been in to process everything, and also spent ample time talking about the positives in her life. I told her how much I admired her strength and how proud I was of her for taking care of herself. Ultimately, I did realize that we don't have that much in common, so while it was nice to catch up after 10 plus years of not seeing each other, I already didn't see myself reaching out to schedule

another time to hang out. After this first time reconnecting in person, she continued to text me consistently for a couple of weeks. I'm talking all day every day, to the point where she was just asking, what are you doing now? Over and over again. I don't even like texting people. I'm dating this frequently. So it was difficult to maintain this with someone I don't have much in common with. Eventually the communication dwindled and she wasn't texting me as often. But both of our birthdays are within a week of each other's and she reached out and asked if we could get together. Since a few months passed and it seemed like she chilled out a bit, I agreed. We got lunch and again spent multiple hours rehashing everything she had already told me. This time I was very

aware of how often she was cutting me off and redirecting any conversation back to herself. For example, she asked me how work was going. I started to tell her a little bit about office drama and a few sentences in she started talking over me to tell me about her work. It almost felt like she would run out of things

to say, so she'd ask me a question and then use what I was saying to bring something up that she could talk about if that makes sense. Which I understand some people do to relate the stories they're hearing and connect with their friends. However, I don't don't think that's what was happening here, because at the end of our lunch, she asked why I barely

spoke about myself and why I didn't want to share with her. We haven't spoken much since then, but she does randomly text me still. Most recently, she was drunk texting me, and I didn't respond, but I feel I should respond to offer some sort of closure. What would you guys do? She has a deep fear of abandonment, and the last thing I want to do is contribute to the trauma she's experienced. But I don't feel like our friendship has been a two-way street so far. And I also just don't think we have anything in common to continue this. At the risk of sounding like a dushy guy, how do I let her down easy? Love y'all and love the pod.

Thank you for any advice. Love the unfriender. I'm bad. I'll let somebody have a conversation with themselves. I just won't respond. Yeah. But I guess it's like on text or in person. Oh, no, on text.

Yeah. Like, there was a lady that I knew maybe had one, two conversations with. I don't remember why she had my number. It was like through the improv world. She was texting herself for three years. I actually do remember this. Because she recently texted me. Remember, I was in that hotel where I could hear that man snoring, so I sent him a concern.

No. Oh, that's... And I was like, this man snoring, this bitch is texting me. Everybody bothering me. People do the darndest things. But I guess, like, since it's a reconnection and maybe there's some history, ooh, there is no good way. Yeah. To be like, oh, maybe it's like, we've grown apart.

I mean, with the texting, oh, what were we going to say? A thought occurred. Okay. But it would require them to go out again. So, like, when the friend was like, so why haven't you been sharing about yourself, that I think would have been the time. to be like, well, you don't let me. It is really hard to speak to you. Yeah.

But it seems like our listener is over it. And they don't really wish to salvage it. This is true. Yeah. It's interesting because the friend is aware enough to tell that they, the person they were talking to wasn't talking much and wasn't sharing much. But not aware enough to know that they were the reason, like that they were interrupting and talking about themselves a whole time.

It is weird to have self-awareness but not fully. Yeah. I guess with the texting consistently, you don't have to respond to all that. Yeah. Like, yeah, they're going to text regardless, and you don't have to say anything. And, I mean, hopefully the, like, the slowing down of responses will slow this person's, like, reach-out time. But maybe not. Maybe if they ask to hang out again,

our listener can be like, let's hop on the phone before we actually hang out. And then they could be like, oh, I actually haven't really been feeling like hanging out because of X, Y, and Z. But again, I don't think our listener wants to salvage this. I don't think so. And they want to let them down softly,

but there is no letting somebody down softly because it is a rejection of like kind of what they've presented, right? Yeah. Maybe also like conversations with this person sounds hard because they will just keep talking. So I wonder if our listener can leave a voice message and be like, hey, I, you know,

it was so nice for reconnecting with you. I'm a little wary or like, I don't know, fine, maybe a nice way to say this, but like I'm a little, hesitant to like hang out again because as you've noticed, it is hard for me to talk about myself when I'm around you because I feel like you, uh, how do you? There is nothing. It's like you're a little obsessive and really want to like beat a dead horse and I'm not interested. So get to step it. Hoof it. Be like that dead horse and hoop it. Um, um. Um,

Yeah, it's not a great way to say it, but just like, like, I find my time with you, we're mostly talking about you and your stuff, and I would love to share my life too, but I can't find a way in because you kind of, um, gosh. Nautilize the time. Did you take up so much space? You, like... Wait. Okay, I got it.

Yeah. Since it is like a reconnection, it's not a friendship that's been, like, cultivated. I do think it's like wait till they ask to hang out again. Uh-huh. And then you can either do a voice note or be like, can we just like hop on the phone real quick? I'm having trouble, like, committing to hanging out because I feel like our time is spent where we kind of just talk about your stuff and you did mention it last time. But that's kind of where I'm feeling, like a little like not taking care of in this relationship

that we're trying to, you know, reconnect with. Yeah. I think that's good. And I think I would prefer a voice to know Because I think hopping on the phone Would require a conversation of that And this person could interrupt again And be like, well the reason I talk so much

Is because when I was a kid And it did it, you know, like they can like jump back into it And it's like we're back where we want We didn't want to be Yeah, I think you're right Yeah I do think maybe a shorter And not going into everything

It's like Oh for sure, yeah Yeah I just feel like We spend a lot of time talking your stuff We don't really talk about my stuff. I'm sending this voice note just so I can get that clarity across. Yeah. That sounds a little cold, doesn't it?

I mean, maybe, because also, like, I wonder if the listener is, like, I don't actually want to see this person at all, or if they're, like, willing to, like, see them in group settings. Like, yeah. Like, maybe it's, like, and maybe you can add that, like, you know, I would still love to see you at parties or whatever. Like, you know, I'll come to your birthday. birthday thing or whatever. But I think one-on-one is hard for me just because of these reasons. Yeah.

And then it's like, you can't invite this person to your group hangs because everyone would be like, what's up with this person? Who brought the sad sack? I know more about her life than yours. Yeah. That's tough. Friendship breakups when you're the breaking up one. It's tough.

And also, often. Not clear. Like, they're not, yeah. People don't often verbalize it. Usually it's like a drifting and no one, like people, it's rare that people actually honestly like, this is why this is happening. I mean, the other option is Tokyo drift away and then feed into their narrative of,

you know, trauma. No. Abandon her. Abandon her. Solved. No, good. I think a voice note is the actual solution. But I think wait. until a hang is suggested.

Yeah. Or if it's too uncomfortable to actually say something or put words to it, just, yeah, like, don't respond all the time. Respond maybe like one fifth of the time that this person's texting you. And then only invite them to activities. Yes. Don't, like, no dinners, no, like, sit down things. Like, do you want a bowl?

Do you want to see a movie? Like things that like don't require talking and see if that helps at all. That's really funny. Just do things that don't require talking. A concert? Yes, a concert. What? I can't.

What? I'm just listening to the... To my chemical romance. It's not okay. I don't think they play that song anymore. No, I've seen it. They did? Yeah.

At the black... Wait. I thought they only did black parade stuff. Oh, but at the... So they did black parade and then... I don't know this is all their concerts on the tour, but after that, then they changed their clothes and now they're like, now we're going to play other stuff. That's cool. Yeah.

That is cool. Solved. Solved. Oh, no! Anyway, go see my chemical romance. Yeah, go see my chemical romance. Gerrads. Wait.

Was that his name? Gerard. Gerard? Yeah. One more? Yes, please. Hi, best friends crew. Longtime listener here.

You both feel like the friends I need right now, so I'm reaching out for some perspective. I'm a 31-year-old gay man who has had the same circle of five friends, four women I consider sisters, for 20 years. We've seen it all, from high school drama to adulting with kids. But since I turned 30, my life has turned on its head. My grandma died unexpectedly, and it forced me to look at everything. I realized I'd been drinking every day for 10 years, and I decided to stop. On June 10th, I'll be one year alcohol-free. The thing is, I did it entirely alone. My ride or dies weren't there. I recently listened to brand-new me by Alicia Keys, and I just sat there and cried. There's a line, if you were a friend,

you want to get to know me again. And it hit me that I really am like a brand-new me. I'm clearer, stronger and finally present. I feel my friends just see the external changes and not the internal. At Friendsgiving, I mentioned a dinosaur in Jurassic World was female because it had a baby. My friend, who is also my neighbor, refused to believe me until another friend said the exact same thing. When I asked why she doubted me, she said, I didn't want to believe you because you be wrong. Which fair. Still, I'm sorry.

I hope that was a direct quote. You'd be wrong. Still, it felt like a punch to the gut. It wasn't about the movie. It was about the realization that she thinks about me as the one who's wrong or the one she can't trust. She only reaches out when she has the money for the internet bill, and she always has a last-minute excuse when I try to hang out. As I come up on this year, I want to post a story celebrating the people who actually help me survive this year.

I want to see if it jars them into realizing that they've been absent. But I already feel like I have an answer to that. No. My question is, am I holding a one-sided beef, or is it time to admit we've grown apart? They're important people to me, and I don't want to throw away our history. But it's just that all we have now is history. How do you handle it when you've done the hard work to become a brand new me? But your oldest friends refuse to let the old version of you die.

Thanks. Any help is appreciated. Again, this podcast is the greatest, smooches. I mean, that is, that's tough when you are doing personal growth and people around you might not be or might not be doing it at your speed or your level. And sometimes when someone changes in a friend group or in a relationship, it makes other people have to analyze their own stuff. And that can be uncomfortable. So they might not want to acknowledge. because I don't know what these friends are like

or what they think of themselves or you, but it could be like, because you did something really hard, and that's so great. And congratulations on one year. That's amazing. Like, maybe there's something they have been wanting to do, but, like, couldn't bring themselves to do it just yet.

Mm-hmm. And, like, talking about it or acknowledging it or seeing that you have changed and grown makes them realize how much they have not, or how much they don't want to, or whatever. Or they just don't notice, and they're in their own world, and not even really clocking that you've done something amazing, or like that you are shifting. And they're just like, well, I just like what we have.

I like what we've been doing. I like what we're doing now. And that's not necessarily wrong or bad. It's just you're shifting at a different pace or maybe in a different direction. direction. Yeah, I agree. I also, they mentioned, like, posting an Instagram story of, like, people who are there for you. I don't think you got to do all that. I think throw a party, throw a soberversary, and invite the people who have supported you. Or, you know, your dear friends maybe didn't realize you needed support in that way. But if you throw a soberversary, it's like,

I did it. I made it a year. And maybe that might put, put, put, in their minds that you need support. Also, you need to tell people you need support. Otherwise, people don't know and they're just going about their business. And it's like, oh, my God, I had no idea that you were drowning or succeeding. And you wanted me to, like, lift you up or whatever. And then the Jurassic Park thing, I spent my 20s as a messy, messy lady where I would, like, say something that I knew was right. And, like, people. be like, no. And I'd be like, oh, okay.

And I guess I just would stand up for myself sometimes. I'd be like, no, no, that's actually right if you would like to look it up. Not to be like an asshole, but like, well, I'm, I am right. I promise you. But then it's like pick and choose sometimes. And, yeah, I guess a friend saying you be wrong does suck. Yeah. And I think maybe if that happens again, you could be like, ooh, that actually hurt my feelings.

Yeah. I didn't love that. I do be right. Sometimes I do be right. Sometimes I do be right. I think it's worth talking about because I actually saw a video recently where someone was like, other people's perspective of you can affect your perspective of yourself. So it actually is worthwhile to be like, I don't like the way you think about me because that actually isn't my reality. And if you think I'm always wrong or troublesome.

or dramatic or whatever the thing is, like you're going to treat me that way. Yeah. And I don't deserve that because I have multiple sides and et cetera. Or I've grown and I'm no longer like that anymore and I would like you to see that. And hopefully they'll see it or they won't. Sometimes it is hard for people to get out of their own perspective

of how they have viewed you when they first met you. Yeah. And that's on them. Hopefully I can change it. But if they can't, then it's like, Okay, then I need to find people who celebrate me today as opposed to who I was in the past. And maybe it is the friendship is memories and you've become a different person than those people. And that's okay too.

It's okay. But I do want our listener to talk to their friends before making a choice to like move on. Yeah. And things like an Instagram story, that's like moving shady to me because it's like, Oh, I wasn't in the Instagram story. Why? Why don't you talk to me? Yeah, it's causing a little bit of like unnecessary drama when you can just say like, hey, this is, this is sober verse stories coming up.

It's really important to me. And I like, yeah, I guess also like, what do you want? Like, what do you want from your friends? Do you want them to like talk to you more about it? Ask questions. Be more curious about this journey. Like, what specifically do you need from your friends? And also, some friends are good for some things and some friends are good for other things.

You might have friends who are supportive in many ways, but maybe not this. And you might have friends who are so good at being like emotionally available, asking you questions, like clocking your journey, like celebrating you before you even ask them to. But not for other things. Like, it might not, you might not have friends who can do all the things that you need. Which is so amazing that they do have friends who have helped them through this journey. But yeah, I would talk to your friends to see if they are even capable of doing that. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think that was good. Like, what do you want? Yeah. What support do you need? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Solved. Well, if you have any questions or queries,

or just want to say nice things to us. Yeah. We have an email, Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. And we have a phone number for texts and voicemail. Yeah. You got it. Hit it. 323-238-6554.

Yeah. Yeah. 6-44. Mm-hmm. 6554. Just kidding. Bye. Goodbye.

That was a Headgum podcast. Bur? I don't know. There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season. Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season.

Oh, yes. I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington. And then everyone gathers around. Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago.

I broke a toilet fare. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th show at City Winery in Philadelphia? Love that. And of course, there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Gramercy Theater in New York. It really is.

Oh, it really is the most magical time of the year. People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Byline. And man, ooh, we got something to tell. Yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum.

That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep, guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Bernie Broosky, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Jony, Joni McGrath, and Dender. And Dender.

New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube. or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm gonna go do it right now.