Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole's a Tchotchke Queen

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer have so much to catch up on this week, from narrowing down special collections on display to making sure they remember to attend next year's pencil sharpening festival. They also share their ideal theme park days and yearn for the olden days of disco.Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We'll still be releasing the exact same episodes on, YouTube and wherever you get your podcast on Wednesdays. Nothing is changing. But if you want to watch one day early, you now can on either Hulu or Disney Plus. We love Hulu. We love Hulu. And Disney Plus. And Disney Plus.

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Hello, Sashir. Hello, Nicole. How are you? I'm good. I'm wearing the jumpsuit that you've attached emotion to. I have attached emotion to it. And when I saw it, I went, oh, the jumpsuit. Yeah.

It's so fucking. good. It's really good. And still in really good shape, honestly. It is. Yeah. I've had it for a long, long time. They're not making clothing the way they used to. They really aren't. Because shit used to hold up.

I know. Everything gets like destroyed so quickly. You wash it once and then it's a rag. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because they want you to buy more. Yes. Like, oh, your white shirts

gone, buy another one. Keep buying. Keep buying. Buy sell. But only buy. But only buy. Yeah, it's so wild. And then I learned, I think we talked about this in a different episode, I learned that like, stores will ship things to other countries and then just like dump it on their

beaches. Yeah. I'm like, what? What? Yeah. Which like, I guess not every government wants to be like crafty, but I'm like, can't you? use that for anything, like a tarp or like a tent to make tents or? Yeah, because isn't a tent just treated fabric? I think so.

So it's like you can use all the old clothing, treat it, and make tents. Yeah. We should talk to Patagonia. Yeah. Hey, Paragonia. Take all the clothes from Sheetan and stuff. That shit's, it's. probably waterproof because it's not real fibers.

That's true. Whenever people do those like halls with like Timu and Shian and they're like, I got 62 pieces of clothing and I paid 39 cents. I'm like, guys. You have to know that's a problem. That's terrible. Yeah. Ugh. And also anything I've ever bought from those sites

it's not good. It's terrible quality. Doesn't feel good. I'll like put it on my body and I'm like this is itchy in a way that I feel like the fibers are seeping into my skin and I'm die. Probably. Yeah. Our skin does absorb

like the chemicals that are on other things. Lord, it's not good. Not good. But you know what's good? What? The dinner I had last night. Oh, what do you have? We went to this place called Josephine. Okay. And there was bread service. And bread service

was three pieces of bread. Pre-buttered, grilled, served with more butter, and then maybe olive oil or something. And I said, I don't want that olive oil. I want to rebutter this buttered bread. So I had so much butter just to start off with. Yeah. And then these like itty-bitty little tomatoes that I was like, hmm, there's not more.

But delicious and tasty. Okay. And then a chicken. A chicken? A half a chicken. Nice. It was so succulent and like juicy and good. And I think it's called spatch cocked.

The chicken was spatch cocked. They cut that chicken in half. Spatch cocked. Oh, no. And then they put it on. What do they do to it's cock? They spatch it. No.

And then it's like on a grill or something. And then the skin gets all crispy. and then they had steak freets with duck fat fries. Sashir, it was up you lent. It sounds like it. It was so good. I love this. Mm-hmm.

I went home full. The belly was full. And then I slept real good and hard. I'm sure. Mm-hmm. Nice. Yeah. Would you eat last night?

Oh, I had some like... I was like, what did I eat? Some hors d'oeuvres were served after the screening that I went to. And... But they didn't have... signs so I didn't know what was what oh no and there was like little it was like a bunch of skewers and one was salmon which was a surprise I do love salmon but I was like on a skewer never seen it never seen that before my whole life but that's how it was presented and then there was another one

that was chicken with some kind of like sauce and that was good and then your usual shakouterie yeah Do you remember the premiere we went to where we went to the open, like we went to where the food was coming out and we just stood there and then they started skipping us? It was as if they went back there and they were like, two black women. Don't serve them anymore. They're eating all the food. We can't get it to the other guests. But I was like, they are getting the food. We're only taking one of each thing.

Like other people are going to get the food. And eventually, we'll get full and we'll stop. Just feed us. Just feed us. And then after we got skipped enough, I was like, we have to go get real food. We just have to, we have to go sit down. We need to order something. Clearly we're hungry.

Also, like, that's where a woman, I thought who knew you, was talking so close to you. It was like, what do you eat? What is that? I almost put her hand in your food. She sure did. And then when she finally walked away, you were like, and who is that? And I was like, I simply don't know. I've never seen that woman before in my whole life.

But people, I don't. I think it's the round cherub-like face, the smile that I usually have on. Because I don't know if I have a resting bitch face. No, you don't. But people love, love talking to me. And it's quite amazing how they change when they're around you. Like, we were at a drag show recently, and this girl walked up to me, and she seemed so sweet and normal. And it was like, I listened to your podcast, and you guys mean so much to me.

Like, do you mind if I get a picture? And it's like, oh, my gosh, yeah, you seem. Cool. Ten minutes later, you come back from wherever you were. And I was like, this girl, she seemed really sweet. She wants a picture. And you were like, sure. And we could go over to her.

And she was like, people are worried about me. I drink alone every day. And you're like, okay. I was like, whoa, whoa, all right. And then she was like, I drink alone during the day and I get on the bus. The bus is worried about me. And I was like, wow. And after we took the picture, I said, what did she say to you?

that made you say I gotta go back for seconds I was like she really seems so normal I don't know what happened you came over and she was like here's everything it was really funny

it was so it really blew me away I was like me too because usually when people get a little rowdy you're the first one to like your blinds clothes that's what we always say about you

you go away you disassociate But you brought me to the crazy and I was like, whoa! And I was like, how do I disassociate? But yeah, what is it? Casey, Illinois. Yes. It is the biggest little town?

Yeah. Okay. Or the little. No, yeah, biggest little town. No, littleest biggest, I don't know. We don't know. They have big things. They have big things.

You were like, hey, do you want to run a car, drive an hour to see big things? And I was like, sold. I'm so glad. Absolutely. And then I was like, we don't even have to rent a car. We can use a zip card. They're so easy. There was no zip cars.

You could find any. In Indiana. Yeah. But we rented a car. Yeah. I was dying at the rental car place because there was this man with an accent who was like, hey, man. What you're trying? You want me getting a mean of a van?

What kind of car? It's not an accent native to that area. Sure was it. I don't know where that man was from. And then the guy behind the counter is like, you know, we have a problem with our luxury vehicles. We had one guy take it to Mexico, but our recovery team found it. And I was like, why are you? Just give me a car.

But also, I've never thought about that. Me either. Someone stealing a rental car? They're gonna charge you. They have a recovery team. Like, this happens so often that they have to have a team, find these people. I'm a part of the enterprise recovery team. Okay.

But we arrived in Carrie, Carolina. I don't know why my brain will not let me remember this. It's Casey. I still got it wrong? Well, when we arrived at the place, there was a big ass fucking chair, and both of us went,

oh my God, a big chair! It was also overcast the whole morning, and then when we pulled in, it felt like the sun came out. It was like, and then the flowers were just so colorful. We were like, oh my God. We made it. It was so wonder.

It's just like a main street. Yeah. With a big chair. Big chair. Big wind chime. You can't sit on the big chair. It's too big. Too big.

Yeah. How would you get up? They would need stairs. They would need stairs. The biggest wind chime. A big pencil. Yeah. A big pig, but I don't know if that was, it might have been like a little cute thing in

Yeah, kind of like the big minion. Yeah. I don't think the big minion was like a part of it. Yeah. I think everyone, every business of there was also like, we'll have fun. We'll have fun too. We'll put a big thing outside of my thing. You're going to put a big old chair up there?

I'll get something big too. Yeah. A big bird cage. And we caged ourselves. Yes. And we heard a lady say the saddest thing in the whole world. Her friends were taking a picture of her while she was sitting in a bird cage. And they were like, wait, they were like, she was like, how?

do I look? I don't know. She's like, can you see my thighs? Can you see my thighs? Do I look fat? Yeah. And I was like, you're in a bird cage. Like, who cares?

Why are you concerned about the fatness of your thighs in a bird cage? This is a silly. We're having fun. We're having fun. Yeah. Leave society's expectations of you outside the bird cage. Leave it outside. Outside.

Now we know why the cage bird stinks. That's what Maya was talking about. Your thighs. Your thighs, bitch. A big swing. Mm-hmm. mailbox? Yes.

Where you could send mail. Yes. That was cool. And you can go up in it. And I was so happy. Me too. Oh my goodness. I could not stop smiling there.

Me too. I was like, I'm having a blast. And all we did was walk around and take pictures. And go, look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Yeah. But it's like, I don't know, whimsy.

Yes. Yes. People are lacking the whims. Absolutely. Just have a nice time. Just have a nice time. There was some interesting people there. Do you remember the lady who was like,

there's Bible verses everywhere? Oh, yeah. And I couldn't tell what her, if she liked that or she didn't like it. Yeah, who knows? Who's to say? But there were Bible verses on each thing, which at first, we saw the chair first.

And that verse didn't have anything to do as sitting or chairs. And I was actually angry. I was like, this is not going to be a thematic? Are you kidding me? But then when we went to other ones, they were thematic. Because there's a pencil one about writing or something

or being a scribe. and then I can't remember the other ones but the other ones made more sense I was like, this one's writing sure one had a random verse on it. Yeah, what did I say? Sitting with the Lord. Oh no, he said Jesus sat. Yeah, I should say Jesus sat.

But then you said something that made way more sense. I can't remember. I probably, maybe it was sitting with the Lord. Jesus sat. Jesus sat. Jesus wept. Jesus sat. He was doing everything. Like occasionally.

throughout the Bible just says what Jesus was doing. Jesus ate. Jesus ate. He was eating. Jesus ate that. Jesus ate that. Damn. Apparently there is a audio version of the Bible where it feels like a Gen Z girl is reading it.

And I'm like kind of interested in listening to that. I'm also interested in listening to that, especially when it gets to, one of y'all's going betray me. at dinner tonight one of y'all and I know who it is okay don't come at me don't come at me like that okay not too much now

Casey Illinois wow that was tough and then on our way back we drove through a tsunami oh god we almost died we did yeah we got an alert on our phone it was like and take seek shelter get out from outside Get on your ground. And I looked at you and I was like, should I say goodbye to my loved ones? I was really scared.

I was like, oh, my God. It was a torrential downpour and then straight up a tornado warning on our phones. And it was like, yeah, seek shelter. And we were like, where? Where? We're on the road. We're on the road. We're in a Honda Civic.

And we were close enough to our hotel. We were like, I think we can figure it out. But then there were so many streets that were flooded. And people stuck. And then people were turning around on one ways. And it was just like pure. chaos. And then we got to a river in the road. And I said, Sashir, I don't

know how to get around this. I think I think I just have to power through it. And you went, I trust you. And then I was like, and then we went through it. The water was like on the sides of the car. It was wild. But we did make it through. And then we thanked the car. We were like, thank you Honda Civic.

And we made to the hotel. Both of us were like, I have to take a shower. We had to shower that energy off the rest. It was so much and then we walked back out to go to the show and the sun was out the sun was out there was no rivers in the street anymore it was as if none of it happened i felt crazy i also felt insane and i was driving so close to the steering wheel i it was so stressful i also was like are people going to come into a show because yes like i i wouldn't want to go out in this the show was the most packed of the whole weekend i believe it was was that the sunday show i think so oh Thank God we only had one show that day.

Yeah. Oh my God. I was like, why are you people here? Were you not outside 30 minutes ago? Are you kidding me? They're like, all dry. Yeah. It was wild.

It was wild. Oh my goodness. Mm-hmm. It was fun. It was fun. I had a really nice time that weekend. Yeah. We got to find, we got to put the pencil sharpening event in our calendars.

We miss it every year. We miss it every year. It's in Minnesota? Yeah, Minneapolis, Minnesota. It's the great pencil sharpening event. Yeah.

I want to go. I want to go so bad. Yeah. All right. Here's the thing. It was in my calendar this year. Damn it. But there was no warning

leading up to it. Oh. So the day of it was like pencil thing. It's like, well, I didn't plan this at all. I didn't plan it. Not one time, but did I plan? I think there is an alert option where you can have it tell you

a week before, two weeks before. or you can set it. Yeah. So next time we'll do that. That would be nice. And maybe you should do it because I'm not good at the calendar. That is true.

Upcoming, I have something called Fat Kit. Still mystery. No idea what that is, but it's a four-day event. I can't wait for you to get a call that's like, so are you still coming? Are you on your way? To Fat Kit? To Fat Kit?

I'm on my way. You're the host. What is it again? You're hosting Fat Kit. It's so wild. Yeah, I still don't know what sit-ins to sheer seat for heat is. There's so many things. Yeah.

There was this one thing that was like, the nice man in my life needs to remember what we're doing tonight. Otherwise, I get to bully him. And luckily he remembered. But I didn't remember. And I was like, well, how will I bully him about something? If you don't remember. That's funny.

It's like memento, but. But I'm doing it to myself. And lower stakes. Let's take a break. I used to think wireless bras were only great in theory. Every time I tried to wear one, I felt like it was more of a uniboub effect than a lift and separation that I was hoping for. Plus, the straps either dug into my shoulders or kept needing to be tightened. Then I learned about Honeylove X balance bra.

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That's Shopify.com slash best friends. I'm you. Oh, that is what I was like. You were so stiff. It was scary. It was scary. I was like, this, I don't know, this is going to go away, but it did gradually, but kind of like after weeks. Like, I had more mobility eventually, but then I still had like a pain for a while.

Ugh, that, this getting old is for the birds. Not for me. Not for me either. And then we found an incredible vintage store in Indianapolis. I wish I could remember the name of it. I think it was Broad Ripple vintage or something like that or Brutiful something. I think you're right. Yeah.

found everything I could possibly want and more and more those sunglasses I bought are too dark damn it they're so dark I feel like Ray Charles probably felt yeah I guess we don't know I don't know

I don't know what it feels like to fully not be able to see is he still with us no right no you know what I watch a lot I know James Brown was like not the greatest person and was abusive, but there is an interview where they're asking him questions and he's like, ha, ha! The way he answers is really funny.

He's like sweating. Yes. Like he's really not doing okay. It's a man's world. It's a man's world. Ha! She's like, it really is. Oh, boy. I also had a thought about like the chances of having two.

super popular black, blind pianists. Like Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. Yeah. Why? I mean, because I guess they... Why? It's just like, I guess, you know, of course their family trained, someone trained them or like, like, but it's just like, the likelihood of that is pretty slim. Yeah.

But it's really cool. It's cool. I also love that the internet does not think Stevie Wonder is. It's pretty funny. I think it's such a funny thing. And it's like, why would he pretend to be blind? That's so nuts. He's like, I gotta have a thing.

Yeah, I'll just be blind. Blind is my thing. When we saw the Deva's concert and he came on for Shaka Khan set and he took his time, people in the crowd were like, where is he? And I was like, he's blind. He probably has no idea. He's blind. Give him a minute. Give him a fucking minute.

So I must have lead him to the stairs. Oh, boy. Your hair's kind of giving Shaka. through the wire it's actually through the fire that was Connie's every one it's all in me

I've been listening to a lot of Donna Summer we gotta get producers back on cocaine we gotta get them drugs yeah they're doing disco's wild it's fun it's like they're like I don't know put something over there

why don't you shake a can of this How about you sitting in the hallway? Get it in here. Get him in here. Have someone just go, who, woo, like, it's wild. I, like, and like, MacArthur Park starts off one way and then, like, builds, and it's just,

it's wild. Yeah, they're, like, really dramatic. Yes. Epic tunes, every single song. Yes. And I'm like, we got to get back to that. That'd be nice. Right? Yeah. Where it's, like, production went into this. It was thoughtful. I don't mind a sample. like if we're adding something to it.

But then, then, I think we talked about this before, but like, where is our gown man? Who's making... Where is our gown man? Is this a superhero? The gown man.

He goes, and then you're fully rhinestone and beat it. Oh, that's fun. Where's the Bob Maki of now? The divas aren't wearing the... immaculate beautiful things that they used to. I feel like La Roach is the most famous stylist right now, but also mostly because, not mostly, because he's talented across the board,

but also he's pulling some really iconic looks from the past. Yes. Like Zadaya's wearing vintage stuff. And because they made good shit back then. Yes. And yeah, I don't know. Where's the artistry? The artistry.

Where is it? Like, recent Met Gala, I'm like, everyone's getting, not lazy, but like the creativity is leaving. Yeah. Or like the vision's not clear. Yeah. Yeah. There used to be clear fucking visions.

Yeah. Like, share with all of her different eras. They were so thought out. Oh, my God. Yeah. All the Mackey dresses that she wore. Yeah. And then, like, who's pioneering?

Like, he did this, like, an illusion dress where it looked like you. were nude and just covered in dripping beads. And it's like, who's doing it? Who's our gown man? Who's our gown man? Who? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either.

I think everything just got like more simple. Like, clean lines, like simple, like one color, one tone, one texture. I mean, not everything, but it feels, and also that's how it is with like architecture. design. Girl, don't get me started on modern architecture. Yeah. It's boring. So boring. Did you get the Instagram videos I sent you of a woman who's like, look at this beautiful tutor and look what they did to it. Yes. It's so sad. It is depressing. Just people are taking the whimsy and like, I don't know, the personalities out of everything. Modern architecture all looks the same and it doesn't have to. It really doesn't have to. Like, there's,

There's a way to do like modern brutalism or modern like contemporary or like modern tutor houses or a modern Spanish style. I also was so confused about the people who buy old properties to destroy them. Yes. Just buy land. Yes. Or buy a newer house and get rid of that. But like why leave the old ones to people who want the old ones. You're knocking down a 1930s home for what?

What? It's to build with cheaper products? Yes. Weird. Weirdo behavior. Weirdo behavior. Fucking weirdo idiots. And as much as I love HGTV, I really do think it rot at people's heads.

Because they're like, I can do anything. I can do anything or like, because they kept talking about resell value. Oh, yeah. So it's like you don't want to put like dramatic colors in your house. Like you want to all white kitchen because that's what the, the, the, buyers will want. And it's like, well, why don't you just design your house for you and whoever buys it can then do what they want, except, you know, killing it, killing the whimsy. Yeah, I think a lot of people are living in their home in a way so that it sells. But like,

why don't you just have your home? Yeah. People don't keep homes anymore. No. Like, you can't be like, oh, yeah, this is the home I used to grow, like, grew up in or like it used to belong to my grandfather. Like some people can say that. But like, there's so many people who are like, yeah, I was in this for five years. And then I sold it. And now I'm in a different one. Yeah.

And then, you know, like, stay in your house. Stay in your damn house. Stay in your damn house. Stay home. You heard it from this year. Stay home. Don't go anywhere. Don't go.

Don't go. Don't go. I mean, I don't like moving. No. I either. Ugh. I feel like I still haven't settled in from when I moved into my house six years ago. I mean, I feel settled, like I live there

But like I still have stuff that's like, I don't know what's in that bag I don't know I think I finally Got through all of the like weird bags and stuff Yeah There's some stuff in the basement that I'm like, hmm What could it be? I don't know Yeah

But for the most part I'm pretty settled Good My friends were here over the weekend And at one point John was like, so every surface of this house is covered in something. And I was like, yes, she's a Maximus. I am. And then he asked a nice man in my life.

He was like, do you like that? And he was like, well, and I was like, we've talked about it. We've had a conversation. I had a nervous breakdown getting rid of some stuff. Oh. Like what kind of stuff? Jotchkes. Yeah.

Because truly every surface in the house is covered. and I had a lot of dicks everywhere. Yeah. And he was like, it's not really my aesthetic to have dicks everywhere. And I was like, but this dick is from, it's a wooden dick from Barbados. This was whittled from my people. This is a dick rocket ship canister that I got from an artisanal in Madrid. This is a wooden penis charcutory board that's too small for charcutory, so I bought little wood

penises to put in it. These are crystal penises that I got on Etsy because I said, wow, crystal penises, don't mind if I do. A women's community in Honduras made these penises. I'm funding their education by buying more. I wish. I think those are all the penises that I have. Yeah, that penis rocket ship, my wooden penis, whittled from my people in Barbados that I got a deal on.

And my uncle was like, why are you buying this? And I was like, to support my people. Oh, and then there's a penis-shaped bottle opener with evil eyes on it from Greece. That was a present. Yeah, you can't give away a person. I can't give away a penis present. Come on.

And then there's my dildo that was on display that Amazon sent me. Oh, that's right. The mystery one. I had ordered, I think, a charger. And they sent me a silicone dildo. And then on Amazon, it said that the charger was delivered. And I was like, but it wasn't. This is a tildo.

And that's funny. like there was like a, I mean I'm sure there is a algorithm tracker on Amazon that's like, no, you actually meant dildo. Yeah, I know you meant charger. You meant dildo. Or someone in the warehouse was like, I know that name. I'm a sender a dildo. And then I had to re-buy the charger. And then I didn't know how to, like, I was like, do I contact Amazon to be like, y'all sent me a dildo?

So I just kept it to put on display. It's funny. And that nice name was like, so this one is just a silicone dilloo. dope. It's not even decoration. It's just an actual sexual sex toy that you just have in the living room underneath the television. But I was like, but it's next

to the artisanal Parvadian one. So it's thematic. It makes sense. That is funny. Yeah. Compromises. Compromises. That's what you've got to do. And I recently just did a book purge. I was like, read it, read it, never going to read it. Yeah.

And that was, that felt good. Good. Good job. Yeah. I got a Really open, pull back the curtain, open the cabinets and see what junk's in there. Because cabinets, drawers, they hide things. Yeah, that's why I have them. Hide this. I don't know what to do with this yet. I don't know what to do with this yet.

Yeah, get in there. You get in there for another day. Yeah. It is really tough being a chotchkee queen to downsize. And I feel like on the Internet's like, millennials don't have chachiskees because our parents had chotchkees. And I was like, I have Chachis because my parents at Chaut. Like, I like it.

I do too. My mom had a shot glass collection. She never drank. It was like memories. Yeah, she would get them from every place she went to. That's nice. I like that. Yeah.

I just got a fabric memory board. Ooh. Where you can, like, put push pins in it and, like, hang things. Because I have, like, random, like, little, like, playbills or tickets. or like things that I want to remember, but I don't have a place for them. And so I've just been putting them there now. Oh, I like that.

Ooh, maybe I'll get that. Yeah. I love buying things. Ugh. Love. Went to Ohio and there was a... So on the way to Ohio, so many orange trees. Couldn't believe.

So many oranges for the taken. Did you take some? No. We were like, on the way back, we'll do it. But then it routed us just on the highway and we didn't pass the oranges. Damn. But there was a juicer in the room.

Mm. A beautiful brevel juicer. Oh. And I was like, gotta buy this. And then that nice man was like, let's actually wait till we get home and take inventory of the things we have. And I was like, but I want it. I want to buy it. Don't stop me from buying things.

I love buying things. Is it the kind where you put a whole orange in there and it juices a whole thing? You cut the orange in half. And then you put it on the juicer and you close the lid and then the thing you put it on spins. so it like hollows it out kind of. Okay. And you get every nook and grannie. There is one of that you can put a whole orange in there.

Peel and all? Peel and all. I don't know what happens in there. And then it's quite large because probably a lot's happening in there. But things happen and then juice comes out. Really? Yeah. I saw it in a hotel.

And did you use it? Yeah. Because they had a basket of oranges next to it and they were like, help yourself. And so I like just put them in there and juice would come out. How big was it? Like, that's pretty big. Two and a half feet? Tower of Terror.

The new Tower of Terror rebranded to Guardians of the Galaxy. I don't know what they were thinking. You know, just to market more of their stuff. Sure, but I don't really remember an elevator being in Guardians of the Galaxy. No. Were we on a ship? Is that it? I don't even remember

because I did it and I think maybe we were on a ship and it was going crazy I don't remember what the storyline was I really like an elevator classic It's classic yeah

Oh no The elevator broke Yeah And the Guardians one They like have it going up and down a lot And that doesn't feel good on my stomach No Yeah

Mm-mm Mm-mm Great music I don't even think I clocked music. I think it's also like the thing about the galaxy movies is that they have really great soundtracks. So they kept to that.

But yeah, a lot of bouncing. I think I'm in my theme park era. Nice. I really liked the water park. Yeah. Really liked it. Great. I don't want to go back for a couple of years.

Okay. But I'm like, do I want to go to like six flags? Do I want to ride a roller coaster? They got them. I don't know. You're not a theme park hound, but like you like them. I am a theme park hound, but not for the rights. Or like certain rides.

You're just like a walkable community. I love a walkable community. I can't remember I told you this, but my partner and I went to Disneyland and she grew up, grew up going to Disneyland. Like her family would take her like during the summers and I guess they had like their rhythm like what they would do as a family. And I've been with my family but I don't think I don't think we have a rhythm. It's just like we're going to go enjoy ourselves. But also used to work at Disney World and what I liked about the park was like the shows or like the attractions, the parades, the food. Like I like doing all the other stuff and some of the rides but I wasn't like got to get all the rides.

And so we went to Disneyland together for the first time And she had an app that had like the times of like when each ride Like how short each line was for the rides What time to get there And then was like okay so if we go to like Mr. Tote at this time We can go to the little mermaid one at this time And we're like bouncing around And I was like I'm tired

I don't want to do this anymore I'm so tired And she's like wait I thought you're having a good time And I was like not like Not like this. Not like this. I was like, we're doing so much. And she was like, wait, what do you usually do at the park?

And I was like, just like, hang out, walk around slowly. Hang out, walk around slowly, get in people's way. Block a child from seeing the parade because I'm eating a corn dog. Yeah, I'm having a great time. But I was like, why am I rushing to get to the little more amazing? one. There's no stakes here. That is very, very funny.

I guess I pick out the things I want to do. I'm like, well, I really would like to get on this. And then those are the ones that I make a priority. Yeah. But yeah, I do like the walking around. I went

with somebody who was afraid of rides. We did have fun. Okay. I did enjoy the walking around. Yeah. But it was like, so we did the teacups and the carousel. I will say I'm willing to do more than that at Disneyland. There's not that many that are like crazy.

This person said the Peter Pan ride was too scary. Oh, no. And when I finally went on it, I said this. This? Because of the darkness? Girl, I don't know. When somebody tells me a child's ride is too scary, I simply don't have a follow-up.

I get that, yeah. I said I can't get into that right now. We drove a long time to get here. You don't want to ride nothing? All right. Okay, let's watch the fireworks. I do like the fireworks show, too. The fireworks were very, very, very, very fun.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I'm going to ride rides. Yeah. I think it's honestly, now I don't have to worry about, like, weight limits and fitting on them. so that's kind of nice that's great yeah because you weren't

wait but do you is there a weight limit oh I guess yeah the seats some rides have like at the water park it was like uh it'd be like a weight limit of like 250 or 300 or 900 pounds which we were like this year right alone but uh yeah like fitting into

the I have big I still have pretty big hips so like it is kind of tight sometimes but then like getting the little lever to pull down sometimes it wouldn't work. And it's rather sad to wait all that time. And sometimes they do sometimes have like the test ones. But like that also sucks to be like in front of like, it's like very presentational. Yeah.

Because it's out in the open to be like, all right, too fat, too fat everybody. She can't ride. She can't ride. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, I stayed away. But now that like I think I could fit on those things, I think I think I'm, I think I'm to it. I like that for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta take a break. Let's do it. And we're back.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to Disneyland again soon. I would go. Yeah. Because also now I'm good to walk around for a while. Because when I was bigger, I'd be like, no. Honestly, I would say Disney of theme parks I've gone to is the most well laid out, well-planned parks, but you still have to walk in the sun and there's just no way to get around it. You just still walking for so long,

in direct sunlight, and that is the worst part about it. Yeah, why don't they have trees? Yeah. I guess there's like some, but they're not in the middle. No, it's like not on, like Main Street's not lined with trees. Yeah, I would love more trees. Neighborhoods should have more trees. Definitely. Where have all

tree's gone. I think I read somewhere when developers develop, it's cheaper to just knock down all the trees and build around it. Oh, that's true. Also, I think it's like a, people get scared of a tree falling on their house. Oh. So like for safety

or like to say their insurance, they just cut the trees to make sure there's no risk. But we need trees because they create oxygen or something. Yes. Right? You are right. We breathe from the trees. We are a ferngoly. I wish we were Fern Gully

Right Instead we live in the smog monster world We do It's true Nasty Nasty I do wish You know how like batty talks

In Fern Gully And there's a lot of movies Where Animals Talk I wish animals talk Yeah Wouldn't it be fun to talk to a chipmunk Definitely And have it answer you

Yeah Because I'd be talking to chipmunks And they don't answer You have chitmunks Yeah. Oh, that's good. Because I'm right by the park. Oh, that's true. So sometimes I'll see a nice little chip monk. That's cute. He'll be in the trees and I'll be like, what you got in your hand? They never show me. They're never like, a nut. And I would love for them too. That would be nice. Just show me. Yeah. A possum started drinking the water I've been putting out. That's lovely.

Yeah. I was like, okay, it's starting. Possums are wild I know they look really scary They do look so scary I think on purpose Also like to defend themselves You don't have to look that scary There's a possum in my backyard sometimes

And he just runs across the backyard And sometimes you'll see him And sometimes when you make eye contact he'll stop And stare at you and you're like I don't want that Right don't be on your way Then there's a big fucking raccoon who comes He's a big boy

Ooh. Yeah. He's having a nice time. Nice. I don't know what he's eating in the backyard, though. Oh, probably the passion fruit because I have a passion fruit. Oh. Tree.

Well, great. Tree. It's because the passion fruits fall and they're not very sweet and I don't like passion fruit. So it's just been a bane of my existence since I've lived there. I see, I see. Oh, you know what I'm excited about? What's that? Summertime.

It's persimmon stealing season. Yes. There's a house that's like pretty close to me That has so many persimmons on their tree So on my walks I take a persimmon Great And then I should be washing them I don't I just eat them

You're like I'm in nature, I'm a nature girl Yeah nature wouldn't get me sick But then today I did look at the tree And I was like a lot of these have been bitten There's animals running across I should be washing and then I ate it anyway Isn't that disgusting? Also you don't know if their gardener like sprays something on there

Oh my God What if I'm sluging? slowly poisoning myself with these unripened persimmons because I love them unripe. I like them hard. You know, we all have our things. I went to, I think it was Mother Wolf. They had a persimmon salad on the menu and we got it. And I was like, oh my God, these are so soft and sweet.

And the person I was with was like, yeah, that's how they're supposed to be. You eat them not ripe. I was like, oh, I have not stopped. I love them. I love a crunchy persimum. Oh, great. And when I have them in the house, I'm constantly offering them to people, and they're like, I don't want this. This is not good.

Like, wait. And then sometimes I wait too long, and then they get all mushy. The cycle of a fruit, short. It's pretty short. Yeah, I bought a peach because I was like, I'm going to grill some peaches. And it's probably not good anymore. I got, I touched it. Last time I touched it, I was like, this is softer than I probably wanted to be.

You put it right back down. Put it right back in the fridge. That's so funny. Should we answer a question or a query? Yeah. Let's get into it. Okay, this is called When Is It Time to Let Go? Hey, Nicole and Sashir, long time listener, first time friendship.

query sender. First of all, I truly admire the friendship you two share and love all the funny shenanigans you encounter and share with us. The podcast is genuinely a breath of fresh air during stressful work days. Okay, now let me get into it. For context, I'm a straight black woman in my mid-30s. I have a close friend of 10 years, or at least I thought we were close. We've grown a bit distance since she moved overseas three years ago, but I've always tried to keep the friendship alive by texting, sending voice notes, and checking in every few months. The time difference makes calls a little difficult, but I've always made an effort. Recently, I sent her a voice note saying I missed her and wanted to FaceTime and catch up. She responded with an extremely long text that completely caught me

off guard. She expressed a lot of frustration with her friendship and said she wanted to end it because we haven't had any meaningful conversations since I visited her in Spain for my birthday. Apparently, she also felt that I was disrespectful during that visit. I was genuinely shocked because I had always spoken very highly of that trip and never felt like I had done anything serious enough to warrant ending a 10-year friendship. What bothered me even more was that I was hearing all of this three years later. I decided to call her and ask her directly to walk me through what I had done so I could actually understand where she was coming from. She brought up things like paying for dinners and taxis, which I reimbursed her for,

Anne said I had gotten too comfortable in her home, leaving shoes cluttered by the doorway, laptops on the table, not helping enough with dishes, essentially things around her household that I had apparently violated, but that she never communicated to me while I was actually there. I immediately acknowledged those things and apologized. I genuinely wanted her to feel heard, and I can absolutely own the fact that I could have been more considerate as a guest, but I also couldn't ignore how strange the situation felt. I haven't heard from her once since that trip. I'd been the one initiating contact, sending texts, trying to make plans.

She even admitted during our call that she had intentionally brushed off my texts and pretended to be busy rather than responding to me. Damn. So I guess when I sent that voice note saying I missed her, she couldn't fake it anymore. And that's the part that really hurts. This is someone I admired, respected, and genuinely championed when she moved to Spain. I wanted to make things right and even talked about planning another. visit, but hearing that she'd been

intentionally avoiding me for years, while simultaneously holding on to resentment about things I'd done during one visit, has completely changed how I view the friendship. To her credit, she owned her part in the situation during our call and said she'd like to have a fresh start. We agreed to sit with the

conversation and circle back in a few weeks. But the more I sit with it, the more I wonder if I'm ignoring some pretty obvious red flags because I'm grieving what I thought this friendship was. I know friendships can be seasonal, and I'm okay with that. If I feel like a friendship is naturally growing apart, I can accept that without needing a dramatic ending.

But this one hits differently because I genuinely thought we had a foundation strong enough to communicate when something was wrong. I don't necessarily need this friendship to go back to what it was. I just don't know if I'm being too unforgiving by feeling like the way she handled all of this has permanently changed how I see her. So, Nicole and Sashir, do you think this friendship is worth trying to rebuild, Or is this one of those situations where the relationship may have truly run its course? And if you were me, could you actually trust the friendship again after finding out your friend had been quietly resentful and intentionally avoiding you for years?

Signed, a woman who apparently needs a friendship therapist. Damn. That's, that's tough. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's really unfortunate because, like, it didn't have to be all this. And your friend was holding onto it for years. And which, I mean, I guess I don't know what the whole conversation was like, but it's only like over like little annoyances.

Yes. And that doesn't have to be friendship ending. No. But because, and I'm sure it's probably a thing where it's like they were upset about the trip. And then everything after that was colored by that. And made up the story of like, well, we haven't had any meaningful conversations. even though they've been avoiding this person on purpose. Yeah.

Yeah, that's tough for me because when people stay with me, I'll just tell them, like, oh, when you're done with the towel, I just tell them, oh, do you mind picking up a little bit? Like, we're going to be in the little. So that's like a little tough for me that she silently was fuming in her own home. Yeah. And then it's tough for me that for three years, years, this woman was avoiding her friend.

Yeah. I think it's like the length that bothers me. Because I'm like a couple months, sure. But like that years? You're still holding on to it? Yeah. And then you're saying, I want a fresh start? I don't know. I don't know either.

And it sucks that like that the friend or the person who wrote in had to leave a voice note for this person to be like, okay, he They weren't even planning on bringing it up ever, I guess. Were they just like hoping it would fade out? Yeah. I think it's like let that friendship go. Only because it's like you had to pull it out of them. They're holding little things against you. You're in a different, you're in different countries.

But then I also am like, well, you said mid-30s. It is hard to navigate. I feel like in my mid-30s, I found it hard to navigate some. friendships and like be honest. But then I come back to three fucking years. That's wild. That's too long. Because yeah, if they if that person

still wanted to have a close relationship with you, eventually they get to be, they should get to the conclusion on their own of like well I want this to feel good. Like I want our relationship to feel good. I'm clearly holding on to something or like it feels bad whenever I talk to this person.

I have to say something. Because otherwise I guess this is going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine leaving something between us for three years. Yeah. Like, anytime we've had, like, you know, either a misunderstanding or, like, somebody did something that the other person didn't like, like, we talk about it.

And it's hard. But it's like, well, I have to know how you're feeling if we're going to keep interacting. But it seems like this person was like, you're not important enough to work on this. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. She, this person said you're not important enough to work on it. Yeah.

So I think it's, we leave it. We leave her. I think so. We say adios. We say adios. Vamanos, Spain. Adios. My amiga, no.

No, mas amiga. No, no, mas amiga. No, adios. How do you stay in Spain? I don't know Like Because a key is come Like

Vive in Spain Like you live in Spain Like you live in Spain Como si dii You stay in Spain Take Quades and Espania Take quidas

And Espania No my amiga Get on the phone Say those words And never call her again Solved Solved No

I think You got to take care of yourself And find somebody or start or have friendships where that person cares enough to take care of you. Because that's that's care. Yeah. Be like, I didn't like this. And I think it's also a clear indication that you two are in different points of your journey.

Like you are a person who probably likes to communicate and like have conversations with your friends. And this person is avoidant. Yeah. And that might be a mismatch right now. Mm-hmm. This person said, Piquino grievances. I'm way mal. All right.

Solved. Uno more, por favor. Nice. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Longtime listener and big fan here looking for some help making a decision. Nicole, you might like this one a real 90-day fiancé here.

A few years ago, I went through a messy divorce and made friends with someone online who was also going through a divorce. I'm in the U.S., they are in the Netherlands. At first, they won me over because it seemed like we had so much in common, and we ended up meeting and eventually starting a long-distance relationship in true lesbian fashion. I have an established career that pays well, and I love doing, and they've been let go four times since we started dating, but now have settled in a career in health care,

but they've had to cut back because it's too physically demanding. They also have a family member who died during this time, and they were often caring. for them instead of working. Sometimes when I'm with them, they seem not interested in me at all. Other times they seem hyper-focused on me. They're now giving me an ultimatum to move to them by December, but I hate to leave my career and start over there, and I don't know that I fully trust them. I have advanced degrees and certifications that would not be valid there, so I really would be starting from scratch, and I'm 40 years old. They will not move here because of Trump. What would you do in my situation. Ooh. I mean, I'm kind of like if you have those initial thoughts already of like,

I don't know if I trust this person or like my degrees won't work over there. It's a no. Yeah. I don't like, yeah. If it's not a 100% yes, especially like, yeah, you're uprooting your whole life. You're in your 40s. Like. And it's like your degrees don't work over there. but then also, I don't know if it's different in the Netherlands, but here you can't work for a certain amount of time anyway. Yeah. So it's like not only would you be starting over in a different country, you wouldn't be able to work.

Yeah. You'd be dependent on this person you don't necessarily trust. You'd have to find community with people who speak a, like I think most people in the Netherlands speak English, but also, you know, there's a Dutch aspect to it. So it's like, it's a different culture. It's like, it's a lot. And if you're not a hundred percent sure. I don't think you should do it.

But maybe before you make a definitive decision, you go over there for an extended amount of time. Yeah. Like, spend a month there, see how that is. Maybe your partner can come here for a month, even though they said they don't want to live here. But it's like, well, you know, if they don't have a career where they are,

they have to, like, support you if you can't work. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a no. I do think it's a no, but, you know, you can make it a hard no by, like, doing the time. Yeah, definitely try it out. Yeah. Yeah.

Live there for, I would say a couple months if you're able to. I don't know what this person does for work, but, like, give it a trial long enough that it doesn't feel like you're vacationing. Yes. Like, what would actual life feel like? Mm-hmm. And see what happens. Yeah. But to me it does feel, it feels wild.

Because if I was in a relationship with somebody overseas and they had a boisterous career and maybe I didn't have one, I'm going to the career. Yeah. You know, like if I don't like who the president is, they have the career. Like we need somebody to bring home the money. Yeah. Show me the money. Although I'm sure it is, it would be a huge transition from Amsterdam where it's just like. Nice.

It's so nice. Yeah It's coming over here Yeah What did you call it? The smog machine With the Uh

Yeah The The oh god Smog? No No What's his name? Smoke

Who's from Furn Gully Who's the bad guy? Oh the oil Hexas Oh I guess I didn't say Hexas No

That's his name Yeah Hexes I think I said Smog man Gownman Smog man The face off

That's true But I think we solved it. Dump that bitch. However they say goodbye in Dutch, do that. Do that. No, but for real, like, take your time.

Don't move. Don't move. Yeah. Solved. And if you have any questions or queries, we have an email address. Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. We also have a phone number.

323. 238-6554. Hell yeah, dude. Utilize. Well, goodbye. Goodbye. It's almost over. I don't know.

There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season. Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season. Oh, yes. I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

And it starts on October 7th at the 11th. in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington. And then everyone gathers around Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th.

One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago. I broke a toilet fair. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 3rd?

six show at City Winery in Philadelphia. Love that. And of course there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Gramercy Theater in New York. Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is the most magical time of the year. People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah!