Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole’s Getting Back Into Vests (w/ John Milhiser)

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer are thrilled to welcome a very special guest, Nicole’s former roommate and Sasheer’s former co-worker, the incredible actor/writer/comedian John Milhiser (SNL, Drama Club)! Our trio takes a trip down memory lane to revisit apartments that are either windowless or haunted, consider the under-sung lesbian icon that is Clarabelle Cow, and find out the origin story of Nicole’s love for ricotta cheese. Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Oh, Sishir. How are you today? I'm good. How are you? I'm better than good. We have a guest. Yes.

Our guest today is John Milheiser, who is an actor, writer, comedian. Or comedian? I think I said it like the lady. Comedian. Oh, okay. Yeah. Comedian. Longtime UCB performer and former.

cast member of SNL, John's career spans film, television, as well as being a known and founding member. Member. Member. I'm having trouble. Of everyone's favorite sketch video group, Sirius a lunch. It's John Milheiser. Yay. Thank you for having me.

Yes. I thought we've mentioned you so many times on this pod. Yes. And now here you are in the flesh. Love being here. Love you too. Yes. I refer to you as John Milheiser, my former roommate, John Milheiser. And I cannot remember why that started. Because you used to say just roommate.

And I was like, you can say my name. And then you started. You really, I'll say it many times. I'll say it so many times. You're going to be so mad about it. That is funny. I thought it started because like a comment or something. No, you started it. You asked for it. Yeah. I didn't know it was going to be presented. First name, last name. Why did you want me to mention your name? Well, that was going on like a year and a half of you saying my roommate.

And I was like, you can let them know that it's me. Yeah. How long did you live together again? Close to 10 years. 10 years, I think. Yeah. Because I moved here in 2012. 2012.

That was fun. Yeah. 2012 was a good, good, exciting year. That was fun. It was a fun year. And then you moved out the year. year after the pandemic? Towards the tail end of the...

Of us being inside. Yeah, yes. So 2021? 2017. 20... Sorry. You think a pandemic happened to 2017? 2020.

Yes. Yes. So, yeah, that's almost 10 years. Almost a decade. What was your favorite thing about living with me? Oh, there was never a dull moment. You know, I'd be working in my room

and Nicole would get up at two... clock and then come into my room, pantless. Make up smudge all over her face and go, what are you doing? And then lie on the bed and then thrash around and tell me some gossip

or tell me what's on her phone on her on Instagram. And then she would fall asleep until four. And then we'd get up and that was. That was your favorite thing about living with me, but I was a big toddler who would come in and thrash around in your room.

I was glad that we could always laugh every day and, you don't know, be entertainment for each other. Do you remember when the ghost clapped for us? I can't believe you don't remember this. I sound insane. We were in the living room being very, very funny, and we heard claps from inside the apartment. You don't remember this? Yes, I do remember that. Yeah, vaguely, but yeah, I do.

Yeah. So you think a ghost was watching you and entertained? There was a ghost in that apartment. Oh my gosh. Well, you said you saw a man in a white suit. Not a white suit. I saw a man. Colonel Sanders?

He was trying to give me chicken and I said, this is racist. Get out. I don't want your chicken. He's like, I know you want it. No, he was in a white t-shirt, bald head with his arms crossed in the living room as I was walking from my room to the bathroom. And I just went, uh-uh. I don't want this. and then our cabinets would always be open.

That's definitely the ghost. Yeah. Not me. Not someone forgetting to close a cabinet. I don't think it was you. I'm known for leaving cabinet doors open. I'm looking for something. Like, I just leave it open. It's a Milheiser trade.

Is it hereditary? Yeah. Your dad did it. Your dad's dad's dad, dad's dad, dad, dad's dad, dad, dad, dad's dad. Generation generation. To leave cabinets open. Did you guys know each other well before you moved in with each other? We were on a mod team

in New York. UCB, UCB sketch team. We were on a team called Dweeb, which was your second team? No, it was slow burn. Yeah, second team, Dweeb. It was my first team, and you were the only actor who had been on another team, so you were like, I'll show all of you the ropes, and we were like, shut up, John. And I think you really pushed for the name Dweeb.

Yeah, I think it was my idea. I remember sitting in that room. putting all these names on the whiteboard. Like, I just remember being like, let's just name the fucking team. What are we doing? But we were on, uh, do we, for a year and a half, two years? I think it was like a year, little plus. And we should have been kept together.

Yeah, you guys were a good team. We were a great team. We were having a lot of fun. And then we were broken up. And it was devastating. I couldn't believe it. And then were you on the prom with me? And then I was put on, I would, that team formed.

Yeah. Yeah. I was on a team with Tishir. And Tashir would roll in 10 minutes late to every rehearsal with a wheelie suitcase. Wait, why don't have a wheelie suitcase? Either you're coming or going.

Like, you're in Guatemala. Stop telling people where people are. I can't be on a podcast. Wait, you had a rolling suitcase? I don't remember having a rolling suitcase. You would, oh? I don't know. I probably had lots of bags.

You'd always show up like. Like, sorry, I'm leaving or I just got here. Yeah. I was like kicked off from that reason. Really? I did. There was a coup. Oh my God.

They tried to January 6th you? Damn. I guess not exactly. Because you said coup. Kind of a coup. Because our director was trying to talk to the group without me because I wasn't there for a rehearsal and was like, she's always late. She's never here. Like, we should get off the team.

And I was like, der Furrk? And who told you that? Amber Nelson, my friend and roommate at the time. Yes. And I was like, oh, interesting. And then I confronted him in a bar. We laughed about it, though, because it wasn't happening. I didn't get kicked off.

But it was like, damn. The drama. I know. So much drama at that time. Things were so important in that time. They truly were. Like, nothing was more important than, like, putting on a wig and being like, my name's Cindy.

For sketch. Yeah. For sketch comedy. High stakes for sketch. God, that's so funny. There was a team, it wasn't like a coup, but it was like openly talked about that.

It was me and another person who were working sometimes. So like, we would either miss rehearsals or like, miss a show. And then they were like, oh, this team really can't continue. We're like, but we're good. Yeah.

Oh, well. Yeah. Hey, that's how it goes. That's how it goes. We're here to all follow our dreams. So let us follow them. Let's fucking follow them. Dude, the Yellow Brick Road, dude, let's fucking skip.

John, do you remember who your best friend was growing up? Yes. I have a few. My best friend growing up was, his name was Jim, and he had a little sister Pam, and we would shoot. Whoa, those are old people names. Jim and Pam. Those are the office names. Yeah.

Are you making this name? Oh, I don't know. I didn't know. I didn't realize that. John's best friends were imaginary. Jim and Pam. And they had a will they won't they? And then they did.

And I was best friends with him to like fourth grade. And then I moved to Tennessee. But in order to keep in touch, I would shoot a video of myself with the camcorder around the house in Tennessee. Like doing things for like a two-hour tape and then send it to him. And then he and his sister Pam would make videos also and send it back to me. So he kept in touch. That's so sweet. That is very sweet.

That's like a lot of effort to put in. It's still, and yeah. But fun. But fun. Yeah. And it was before obviously texting and anything. And then in, I moved, I had a best friend in Tennessee. His name was Joey.

I had another friend. State of the J's. Jared. Yes. Yeah. And then I still keep in touch with Joey. Jared passed away. I didn't know Jared passed away for two years.

Oh, gone. I'm sorry. I came. Sorry, I didn't meet to get sad. But I left Tennessee and moved back to New Jersey and then I was driving through Tennessee with my family and we're like, let's stop by Jared's house. And we sat by Jared's house and I knock on the door and no one's there. And I'm like, damn, missed him. And then I go pick up Joey or I get dropped off at Joey's house. And I'm like, I try to meet up with Jared, but he wasn't there. And they're like, Jared passed away two years ago. Jared's been dead for two years. It's sad, but it's. It's like that joke. What joke?

Where it's like, oh, I was talking to Cindy. I was like, Cindy's been dead for 20 years. Oh, that, yeah. Or like, what bar? There hasn't been a bar there in 35 years. They were never here. Yeah. And then I moved, yeah.

So anyway, I moved to New Jersey. And, yeah, then I became best friends with Patty, who you know. And then all those Montgomery people, Chris and Joe, Ali, Gilly. Montgomery people. You say that as if we know. What is Montgomery people? That's just where I, through 7th through. Is it the name of the school or the town?

It's, so the town is Belmead, but the school is Montgomery. It's the county. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. But, yeah, that's where all my best friends. I'm still best friends with them to this day, besides you guys. Yeah.

Oh. I like that. What's one of your favorite memories growing up with your best friend? Also, what were you like as a kid? Funny. Bad but good. I would misbehaving class, but I would never get caught. What, like, misbehaving how?

Yeah. Like the teacher would turn away, and then I would turn to my friend Brendan. I'd like, Brendan, and then I would get on top of my desk and, like, hump it. You were a bad kid. And then people would laugh and then teacher turned around and be like, what? You know. Oh, my goodness. Hoping your desk.

I do feel like kids were so intrigued by sex or like what you could do with each other that they would just make the weirdest jokes sexually. Like at my school, if you dropped a pencil on the floor or something on the floor and you bent down, like just lower than the desk, people would go, oh, like pretend like they were receiving head. And I had no idea what that meant for so long. You're like, people really enjoy me dropping this pencil. I'll do it again.

Wow. Oh my God. I was like any, which is also like, now you're preventing people from picking anything up all the ground. You're like, I can never pick that up because. Your school's just literally with pencils on the floor that women didn't want to pick up. God, that's so funny. I'm trying to think I would make sex notes. Like what? A lot.

Like moaning? Yeah. Like in class? In class. Like also I was a Boy Scout and we'd like on camping trips like when everybody would be asleep in their tents. I go, ah! That is actually really funny.

And then all the scouts would laugh and they wouldn't know which tent it came from. And so you would hear the Scoutmaster like run around and shuffle in the leaves. Scoutmaster. And then he would go back to his tent. He's like, quiet boys. Then you go back to his tent and go, ah, ah, ah. You know, we would shove our faces in our sleeping bags and try not to tell it. It was like us laughing.

That's really funny. And then we got, that happened in D.C. We were camping somewhere in D.C. And I got, we got caught at like 2 a.m. in the morning. And then the scout master was like, bring down your tent. Meet me in the parking lot. Oh my God. So we collapsed our tent.

We went to the parking lot to wait from him and he never came. Oh. And so like we all like huddled together to keep warmth. And then we woke up and our scout troop was surrounding us. And we had to apologize to everybody. Wait, that is so wild. You had to sleep in the parking lot? Yeah.

That was our punishment. Oh, no. That's quite a punishment. I feel like when we were kids, they would really punish children in the meanest way. Another trip, I got in trouble with the Scoutmaster. The Scoutmaster night, I never saw it. When I got Eagle Scout, I brought out, I got up to make my speech. to thank you everyone, and I took out this, like, long written speech,

like a receipt of, like, and I was thanking everyone, and I didn't thank him. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve it. That's, I mean, give it to him. Yeah. But on another scouting trip where I got in trouble, uh, he, on the way back home,

he left the windows down, and it was the winter, and I was sitting in the backseat of his car. And I was like, can you please spread out the windows? He's like, I'm fine. And he just had me freezing in the backseat. Oh, my God. That's wild.

I feel like we've talked about this before. Adults who don't, like, kids don't hide it. They just openly don't like a child. And it's like, it's a kid. It's a kid. Maybe this kid's annoying. Maybe you don't like, but you can't treat them differently. Whenever my mom would punish me, I'd be like, I'm going to call child protective services

on you. And my mother would always pick up the phone and be like, I'll call them first. And I'd be like, well, dang, I don't have any leverage. You're like, I want me taking away. Actually, what this to happen? Any time I threatened to run away, she'd be like, I'll pack the bag. And once she did pack the bag And she was like, so?

I guess I'll unpack and go back of stairs. That's funny. One time in high school, I was on show choir in my show choir group, and the teacher did not like me. Like, she had it out for me. Same with me. Yeah.

Because they don't like talent. They sell the potential and they hated it. And we would do like competitions at other people. schools or like different counties and we were away. We're having an away competition. We're just someone else's school. And my friend and I were giggling in the crowd as some other school was performing, but not about them. We're just giggling about something else. But I guess some parent thought we were making fun of the group, which also, who cares? Who cares if we are?

Yeah. But I guess they told our teacher and she just assumed they must have been because she didn't like us. And so instead of talking to us and being like, hey, like, don't do that. She let that parent yell at the whole group before we performed. Like, let her in and she just screamed at us and was like,

you don't know who's listening to you in this crowd. Everyone here is working their ass off to be the best they can be and you're being disrespectful and you're not representing your school, right? And me and my friend were like, damn, who is she talking about? This is crazy. And then later, the teacher had called both of our parents, both of our moms, to be like, this is what happened.

And both of our moms were like, don't waste my time. Like, don't call this number. What is wrong with you? Who is wrong with you? Like, I don't care. What, they were giggling? Who cares? And then.

Wild. Then we, like, talk to the teacher because we were like, well, that's ridiculous. Why did you talk to our mom before you talk to us? And I was kind of like, hey, like, you're the only adult we can trust when we go out of town. you kind of need to talk to us. You can't, like, let other parents yell at us like this and, like, go behind our back and talk to our moms. And then she started crying.

An adult? Yes. Then you felt bad. And then I felt bad. She's, like, manipulating us. Mm-mm. An adult weaponizing tears is so wild to me. Yeah.

A child making me, you would never see it from me? A child's never going to make me cry in front of them? No. I'll go home and cry. Yeah. Mm-mm. I've actually, yeah, I've had a couple adults emotionally trying to manipulate me like that, where they're like, you hurt my feelings. And I'm like, me?

Why did you let that happen? Like, what's wrong with you? How did, I'm a child. This should not affect you. God, that's so wild. I also can't imagine being an adult screaming at children that aren't mine. No. I mean, I've said words to children.

Like what words? Actually, I don't know if I said a word. I was on a plane and this child was standing up, looking backwards, jumping on its seat, screaming. So I just, like, made myself see and I said, and then he kept, like, looking around. And he turned around and shut up. You just had to scare him, silently.

Silently, yeah. Sometimes your face is enough to be like, whenever my mom's lips got really tight, I knew I was in trouble. Yep. Like, Mm-hmm. Girl.

Yeah. When she would say my, when she got my name right, Anne said my middle name, I was like, oh, shit. Yeah. She got it right. She's so mad. Did you get in trouble at home, too, or just at school? Well, I never got in trouble at school.

Oh. Sneaky. Yeah. Never got detention or anything. I also had parties. Never got caught having parties. Oh, my goodness. But, yeah.

I was the fourth child, so I was a little bit more rebellious than the other siblings. My other siblings never gotten arguments with my parents. But, yeah, I would disagree. And then, like, my siblings would gang up on me and be like, why are you yelling at mom? And be like, you're not my parent. Why are you teaming up on me against me? And then, yeah. But not that many fights.

Mm-hmm. That's good. Yeah. What? Do you think your parents were, like, just tired? They're like, huh, man, fourth child? We don't really want to try. Oh, yeah.

Full accent. So... You were an accident? Yeah. That was an accident. They were done. And then I came along eight years later after my brother. Mm.

And I kept them young. I too was an accident. My mother was told she couldn't have any more children. Yeah. And then they started raw dogging. And then I said, Yeah. And then when my dad died, we found a Costco-sized box of condoms

in his armoire and I was like, wow, I really fucked them up. They went to Costco. They said, we can't run out. We don't want another one. I mean, I get it. I was a handful. It was just a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. It's interesting that you have, not interesting, but like, it's cool that you have so many friends from childhood or like from growing up. I feel like that's kind of rare because it's kind of hard to like, keep in contact with people that you grew up with and also people change. Yeah. How do you feel, like, why do you feel like the connection has still remained? I'm sure everybody feels this, but, like, growing up together, like, in grade school,

those are very, like, influential years, and, like, you guys go through it all together, and then you leave home and you go to college. They all kind of, like, went to NYU, Rutgers all around the same area, I went to Hofstra. So we'd still, like, go back home for the holidays and see each other. And then just like social media, Facebook just like made it more easier to keep in touch. And also just Jersey, I feel like New Jersey has that like kind of like family mentality of just like your family. Jersey's strong. Yeah, Jersey's strong.

And you meet, I don't know, it's just like always going home. Like if we have the ability to go home, go home. And if you're able to keep in touch with friends, like keep in touch with them. Like, they mean a lot. And my friends throughout all the chapters in my life mean a lot to me. So I do make a very strong effort to keep in touch with people who are important to me. Because I feel like people are the most important thing in life. Yeah.

What else is there except personalities, like friendships, money. Food. Clothes. There's so much to life. I'm kidding. I'm sorry. No, I just, I love people and I love the people in my life. And, like, I would hate to lose a friendship or, you know, have somebody who's not there.

But recently, I, how do I say this? I had a best friend in high school. She probably doesn't listen to this. It doesn't matter. But I had a best friend in high school. And we were friends through college, never had a falling out. I think I've told you about this. and I've texted her

in the past few years being like, hey, what's up? I love to see you. I'd never heard back. I was like, oh, that's weird. I wonder if her number's the same. I check with her friend, her number is the same.

I try reaching out again, don't hear anything. I'm like, I guess she just doesn't like me anymore. And so my friends from high school were still friends with her. And then I get getting married and they give me a video of all these friends who couldn't come to the wedding to give me like well wishes and everything.

And then she's on the tape and she says all this stuff and I start bawling crying. I'm like, why does she make this? Like, does she still like me? Can we be friends? And she said all this nice stuff on the tape and wished me well. And then I texted her, thank you, and I never heard back.

So it's just like. That's so strange. And I was crying. It was the day before the wedding. And so I was in the hotel suite and like, happy crying. Being like, oh, I'm so happy. She like sent that message. And my nephews are there.

And I was like, I can't believe I'm tearing up in front of my nephews. And my nephews said, like, really noble things being like, John, sometimes people just have their own issues that you don't know about. Like, they're fighting their own battles. And I was like, you guys are so smart. Maybe she's legally blind and can't see text on her phone. I thought about that. That's probably it.

Maybe she's not good at texting. She like gets them in and she's like, ugh. Yeah. That is interesting, though. I mean, it's so wonderful she was able to make a message for you. Yeah. So, like, click, like, I feel like that. That takes more effort than just returning a text.

So, like, clearly she likes you. But that is confusing that she wouldn't respond to any of your texts. Yeah. Yeah. We'll figure it out after the break. Cold days, big goals, no time to cook. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. So eat well without the planning or cooking.

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So stop waiting for someday. Learn more at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Shev. Oh, man, we didn't figure it out. We didn't figure it out. We texted her 20 times you still in respond. Is that the only falling out you've had with a friend?

I mean, there's a soft fizzle. Yeah, soft fizzle. There's like a few more from high school. And then, yeah. college. I was in a fraternity in college. And my two best friends from college, besides Tim, who's from the famous sketch group series lunch, which was mentioned earlier.

At orientation at Hofstra, I didn't want to go to orientation. My parents were like, go, you'll meet friends. I was like, I don't want to go to orientation. I go to orientation. I don't talk to anybody. I sit down at this big table where all these, like all the students are like in this courtyard. And one guy sits down and then another guy sits down. And then we start talking.

And then those two guys end up being my best friends through all four years of college, do the same fraternity, kept in touch afterwards. But we went our separate ways. They both have families and got married. And we keep in touch through texting. But they weren't able to come to the wedding. But like, yeah, just we move on. but like we all know in our hearts that we're still close and, you know, we can catch up,

pick up right where we left off this type of thing. But yeah, it's hard. But it's important, I think, to keep in touch with people. Even it's just like sending a Christmas card or holiday card or like texting them randomly or. You can say Christmas. Yeah. Christmas is not illegal here. We recognize Christmas in this house.

I do think holiday cards are a fun way to. to just let the person know that you're thinking about them, even if you don't haven't talked to them for years. I like it. It's cute. It's always so cute. It's a fun project, yeah. And when you're writing, I write personal letters in each of the holiday cards.

And I've heard that people appreciate that when I went back home recently. I love how you write a personal message to everybody. It's like, well, it's fun to like sit there and picture you reading it. So I try to make, you know, personal to them. I mean, that is nice. It is nice to put in like the extra effort because a lot of, of people just don't. Can I ask you, what was it like rushing a fraternity?

And how did you choose the fraternity that you wanted to be a part of? Great questions, Nicole. Thank you for asking. Well, I was, as I said before, I was an accident. So my brothers and sisters were much older than me. And they did sorority fraternity. And so, like, I had that thought of, like, college lifestyle, be like, I need to be in a frat or a frat, not sorority.

Or just living in a Greek lifestyle. And I go to college and I see the fraternities. I'm like, this is something I have to do. And so I rush a few fraternities. Oh, you can rush more than one? Wait, how do you do it? Yeah, rush is just like you go to parties. Oh, yeah.

Shop around to see what fraternity you'd be most fit into. Compatible with. And it was like, it was very funny. It was like the mean girls where they tell you what cafeteria table is who. Mm-hmm. There was the Joggy Fraternity. There was like the porcupine hair, Long Island fraternity, Italian fraternity. Oh.

It was the 2000s. There was like the sports fraternity, the Jock fraternity. And then there was like an animal house. I call them Animal House type of attorney, which it was like a mixture of everybody. It was just like really funny guys. And so I pledged that fraternity. And I was a really good pledge. I could say the Greek alphabet backwards, blindfolded.

I could... Yeah, what else do they do to you? It was no drinking. I like no, like, chugging beer or, like, finishing a cake or anything. So, because we had... We were up until, like, four in the morning every day, and then we'd have to wake up at, like, eight, you know... Maybe not every night.

But we had to be up super early to do things. We had to keep our grades up. There were trips to, like, the beach and, like, stripping down to your like boxers, blindfolded. And then like if you get a question wrong, you have to take a step back into the ice cold water. But I was like kind of living for it because I was like, this is the only time in your life where you're going to be like blindfolded, thrown in the back seat. Torture. Fingers crossed.

And then like I knew it was all like play. I know that the fraternity guys weren't really mad at you. And then you're like, you fucking idiot. Like I knew there was just an act. It's just fun abuse. Fun abuse. A lot of the other pledges thought it was real. And I would be like, they're just playing a role.

Like, they don't hate you. And then when we were in line up at one point, one guy was yelling at me. He's like, did you just shit your pants, Milizer? And I was like, no. And when they were coming up with pledge names, they thought the person next to me was me. So they made his pledge name Skidmark. No. And he's like, I wasn't even the one.

shitting my pants. I was you, Mel Heiser. No, it seems like no one was shooting their pants. Were you shitting your pants? No, I think it was just like probably looking nervous or something, but my name was Weasel because of Polly Shore. Oh, okay, I like that. Yeah. I'm the Weasel from Encinoma.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, I've seen Encino Man. Yes. But, uh, no, it was great. And then right when we, then there was Hell Week where they took us to like a cabin in the woods and we had to do like woodstubes. and it was like nonstop for like probably 24 hours. But you're probably good at that because you were a boy scout.

You're an eagle skin. Eagle skin. Yeah. And then. You slept in a parking lot. And then they. Prepared. Let us in.

They're like, congratulations, you're in. And then it was so fun. Everybody was like, they weren't mean anymore. They were nice. And then, like, a year and a half later, I became Pledgemaster. And I was, like, the one. Abusing. Abuse.

Well, I did funny stuff. I continued the cycle. I did very, like, theatrical stuff. Like, if they forgot my name, I, I would have them come over to my room and I would hang up headshots of myself and have them stare at my headshot until the sun came up.

That's really funny. And with a bubble in my headshot saying like, never forget my fucking name again. That is theatrical. That's very funny. I was doing funny bits of them. I love that you had headshots.

Never forget my fucking name. You should hand those out to casting directors. Yeah. That might work. Never forget my. Fucking name. I remember it.

Were you doing theater in college? So I went to college, like, looking for creative people to work with and get inspired by, and I didn't find anybody freshman year. And that's kind of why I did the fraternity. And then I kind of, like, lost that, like, drive to find other people to collaborate with. And I cared more about, like, the homecoming floats and Greek life. Did you make a float? Oh, yeah. Every year.

I was in charge of that. I did Mulan Rouge float. Ooh. That was gorgeous. I drew all the t-shirts for everybody because you team up with a sorority. So I was doing all the artwork for the floats every year. How do you make a float? You get a flat bed and a like a pickup truck.

And then you get like foam core and you cut things out. How long would that take? It would take like a full weekend like 48 hours. You'd stay up all night, people drinking, smoking cigarettes and like this big multi-purpose room. It was fun. Was it as extravagant as? like the Rose Bowl floats? No. Okay.

But it was, you know, it was like DIY and stuff. But I did a show called Thursday Night Live, which was on campus, and I played a few characters in that. But yeah, I didn't really meet anybody until senior year. I went to film class and advanced film studies. And then these three guys came in in tuxitos, serious lunch. And they showed some weird, they're like, before class starts, can we show you a funny video?

we meet over the summer, so they pop it in, and it's a weird messed up sketch, and I die laughing. Nobody else is laughing. I push everybody aside. I'm like, hello, I'm your new best friend, John Milheiser. And then I became obsessed with them. And then we did, like, a bunch of 48-hour film festivals. And then the rest was history. And we moved to a house in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and became serious lunch.

That's so sweet. That is sweet. So senior year was the first time you took, like, a film class? No, I was taking film classes throughout. And I was making films, like, on film and, like, editing and splen. Do you still have that stuff from like way back in the day? Yeah, it's under my bed. Oh.

I just can't throw it away. You should. You shouldn't. Yeah. It'll go in the documentary about you. There's no footage of me young for my documentary. No camcorder stuff? No.

I didn't grow up with one. I have a bunch of mini-d-v tapes from back in like grade school and high school that I have to get. Mini what? Mini-D-V. There is 8mm, and then mini-d-V tapes. Oh, yeah, I can visualize it. Yeah, I can't. I'm slowly getting those digitized.

That's smart. I should probably find my childhood videos and digitize them. I just got like a bunch of photo albums from my mom's house, and I want to like get them someplace so they can like scan them all. I have them. I have them physically, but I also want them digitally, I guess. But also I'm also like, does that even matter? because, like, I mean, it matters.

It does matter. But I guess, like, you know, sometimes it feels like the end of times. And it's like, these photos could just burn or be flooded or. Oh, yep, yep. I didn't think of that. I was like, well, I would, like, prefer to look at them physically. But I guess you digitize things just in case bad things happen. Yeah.

I go to a lot of state sales. And I guess I was like, you know, really, feelings that day. And I was going through like some couples like home photos. There's like so many photos in a box. And I was like, yeah, they probably didn't have family to pass this down to. So they, so now the strangers are going through these people's photos and like, well, maybe like use them as decoration or something or an art project or something. But it's like, yeah. That's why you got to put them in a photo album. I still need to help you with your trip to Africa. Yeah, you do. Yes, yes, yes. I just made a album from the bachelor's part.

Oh, fun. You're good at that. You're good at putting memories into, or photos into, like, a book. Yeah. Like a physical book, which is, I think, just nice. It's a nice thing. I don't want to, I don't want to, like, turn on the TV and, like, watch you swipe through pictures. I want a book that I can just be like, ooh. Well, thank you for saying that. Yes, it's true. I feel like you made. What have I never said that? You made fun of my books. Of course I did. But there was like, no, when I was a kid, when we go like Moto Photo or one hour photo get the photos developed, I would always put them in make photo albums. And then there was like high school, college, after college, there was a span of time where I didn't do any of that.

And now all those photos were like gone or missing or in storage. I don't know. It's just like, it seems bad that that's not organized. So I was like, I got to claim this back and get organized again with photos. I think about putting mine in like, not an album, but like. getting them printed into like a book book, like the way you do it. But then I just like, will look at old pictures of myself with blue eyes and red weird hair that was angled and spiky in the back. And I'm like, does this deserve to be printed and put in a book for someone?

Like, someone's going to open the book and be like, you spent money for that to be in there? But that's part of you. That's part of your history. I got blue contacts once. Did you? For a Dave Matthews band concert. I didn't think people would notice and they're like, what the fuck's wrong with? your eyes.

I was like, oh. It's also funny to have like just one slight change. Is that like you, like, dyed your hair or, like, wore completely different clothes? Just blue context. Just blue context. That's so funny. That's very funny. I had so many ugly phases where I was like, did I not have a friend in the world?

Did I tell you? Yes. I did sun in. So it was just, like, the top of my hair turned orange. Sunnin is such. Funny product. I don't think anybody's hair look good with Sunnan in it. I think blonde people, like, works probably really well with them.

It, like, makes it, like, platinum blonde? I don't know. Maybe. I feel like it was just peroxide and not bleach. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think they sell it anymore, so I don't think it worked.

I bet they do. I don't think they do. Allie, would you mind looking up if they still sell Sonin? There's so many products. that just don't get sold anymore. Ain't that the truth? Ain't that the truth? That's so crazy.

Yeah. Well, I wonder if it was like maybe damaging people's hair. Probably. They're still selling Sondon. Oh. Really? All right. John said, yep.

They sure are. I'm the CEO of Suna. What other weird phases did you go through? Weird phases. Did you ever have a best phase? Oh, yeah. from 93 to 95. That was Tennessee.

I love that you know the years. Well, that was Tennessee. Why did you say vests? That's so funny. I just felt like maybe you went through a vest face. I did. But I thought it was because it was like Tennessee. Like I moved from New Jersey, which nobody was wearing vests.

And I moved to Tennessee. But I think it was also that time period. Like vests. And I wore vests. I also wore jumpsuits. Like, not jumpsuits. Jogging suits. Matching jogging.

Like the track suit? Tracksuit, yeah. But I wore a vest, and then my mom and I would go to Michaels or Joanne's, and I'd pick out, like, Looney Tunes fabric. Like, Mom, I want this to be a vest. She's like, got it. And then she would make me a Looney Tunes vest. I picked out a fabric that was different colored tomatoes.

She made that a vest. Yeah, she made a lot of my – she made a lot of vests. I like that. That's adorable. Have you ever made a vest for yourself as an adult? No. You probably could. It's probably a really easy pattern to make.

She used to make all my Halloween costumes also. Oh. Really crafty family. Yes. She's very crafty. So, Sher, did you go through a vest phase? I actually didn't. She's still in the face.

I'm wearing right now. I actually am getting into vests. The vest is starting now. I'm getting back into the vest phase. In the 2000s, I wore vests. Yeah. I wore a vest. a vest and a tie.

Like, one of my favorite outfits was the skirt I stole from Old Navy, a button down with a, like, dressy vest over it, and then like a skinny tie, and then a scarf. Oh. Scars were a thing. The skinny

scarves. What a nasty, nasty little trend. Not practical. No, my neck was so cold. Still cold. Yes. I had a very monochromatic moment in fifth grade where I'd have like a lime green turtleneck that matched my lime green headband that sometimes matched my lime green scrunchy that also matched my lime green socks and somehow like if I pulled out a turtleneck out of my dresser I would have a matching

color sock I don't know if my mom planned this or like where they came from but I always had matching colored socks and shirt and hair accessories. And then this girl in my class made fun of me and was like, why are you always matching your socks to your shirt? And then I stopped doing it because I felt self-conscious about it. But she also wasn't, I don't remember her saying anything like bad about it. She just questioned it and you were like, I don't know. It's bad? Do we hate it? And I just stopped. I also used to wear turtle necks all the time around that period with the jogging suit.

And the vest. I was, yeah. I want to see, I want to see your vests after this break. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. A year from today, who do you want to be? What version of yourself, who would you like to meet? Do you feel less anxious or more like yourself? Or maybe your relationship is stronger or the grief feels smaller.

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That was a good break. Be our vest, be our vest. Put your vests to the test. If you had a vest company, would it be called Invested. I like that. Nicole didn't. I hated it.

Simply the vest. Oh, God. I'll go home. Yuck. Here's a question. What's the best piece of friendship advice you've ever received? I've ever received. Or given.

Ever received? Or given. I think, I don't know who gave me. Maybe I just heard it from somewhere. It's so important to listen. That sounds so generic. But, like, yeah, listening is people want to be heard. You don't have to pay attention.

You could just listen, go through the motions of listening and sit there and bobbed your head and go, uh-huh, uh-huh. And they'll tell you everything. And then they'll be like, thank you for listening. I'm like, anytime. Oh. No. But what if somebody says to you, remember that thing I told you about? You go, yes.

And what about it? Lai. Wow. So the secret to like being a good friend and maintaining your friendships is lying to their face. Yes. No. It's worked for you. No, it is important to listen.

It's also important, I think, to make people feel like special in various moments. like send their kid a little gift or something. Like, oh, thanks, John. You know, just or do little things out of the ordinary to make them feel a little bit special. You're really good at that. You're so good at like making things and also just being like very thoughtful. I've had so many candles in my house that you've made. I love this car that you made for like the finale of Agatha.

And it's just like a picture that you drew of me flying into the air. With Trader Joe's bags. And it's just like... With Trader Joe bet? What was the connection? I don't remember. There was some bit about that. I think there was a bit about it.

That's really funny. Yeah, it's just like so sweet. And like, yeah, you could have easily been like, you know, congratulations. But you were like, no, I'm going to take time to like, you know, like make this special. And it felt really special. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I think we do all this work and work for money.

and try to get a life together and do all this stuff. And you're trying to do all that stuff so that you could have a great life type of thing. But I think a great life is the people you're surrounded by. And I think if you take more time to focus on them, you'll be happier. I feel like we get distracted by... Am I saying something stupid? No, I love it.

Community, fellowship. I feel like if you get stressed out like, my job or my career or all this stuff, you lose track of what's really important. And what's important is family and friends and the people you love. And I think if things aren't going right, focus on, you know, the things that make you happy, like the people love and like reach out, call them, hang out, make something for them, write them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorite things is at any time during the day, I can go, what are you doing later and you'll be either you'll be busy or you won't be and if you're not busy I'll be like can I come over and you're more than nine times out of ten you're like yes yes you could just come over one day so sheer and I were taping an audition in your home and you were like well I have to leave and we said great and then like lay down on your sofa and just gossiped and giggled while you were like okay I'm I'm cleaning up my house I'm gonna get in the shower and I'm gonna do the things

But it's one of those things where it's like, you just, you allow people to just like be. And that's like a really nice thing about you. Thank you. Well, I love you too. We love you. And we love you. The last thing I sent to a friend was a, I think it was a four-foot unicorn. Oh, yeah.

Because his son really likes unicorns. And I was like, that's what I'm going to send him for Christmas. And he was so excited. And I was like, that's nice. It's nice when you just like send somebody something that they weren't expecting. Exactly. And I asked him today, I was like, does your son still like the unicorn or as he moved on from unicorns? He's like, no, about three times a day he gets on it, even though it says, do not sit on it.

And he falls right off and he loves it. Oh, so sweet. I like that. I also love the mail. I'm a big pusher of the mail to mail stuff, I think. A big pusher of the mail. It is nice because, like, most of my mail is just like. like spam, like ad stuff.

And then, yeah, and then the occasional like, ooh, a cute little card for me. It's like a nice surprise because, yeah, we don't get much mail anymore. Or I don't get much mail anymore. Olivia just sent me two postcards, one from Disney World and then one from San Francisco. Oh, that's cute. And they're on the fridge. I'm like, thank you. Did you get them at the same time?

No, like two weeks later. That's cute. Can you send things from inside Disney? Does Disney have postal? I'm sure. Does Disney have postal? I feel like probably yes. I don't know where it is, though. You guys are Disney heads.

We are Disney heads. But you haven't been to Disney together, have you? Is that true? Yeah. We have, yeah. We went, yeah. We went out, like, did I call you that morning? Like, do you want to go to Disney? Yeah, I think so. And it was random.

Yeah, that was very fun. And Morgan was there too, right? And Ryan. And Ryan. Yeah, that's right. Yes. But we need to go again. That was a long time ago. Yeah. That was fun. I just looked to.

in both Disneyland and Disney World have their own specific zip codes. Ooh. Wow. I believe it. Is it like something whimsical? Which numbers are the most whimsical to you? I was trying to think of it.

I was like, hmm, but I can't. Two, two, two. Three, three, three. Two, two, two, two. That would be fun. Tutu, too, two, two. Or like, I'm trying to think. of something that could make a shape of like the mouse ears or something.

Eight? Oh, eight? Yeah, maybe two eights on the end. And then like, I don't know, zeros in the middle. I don't know. You better workshop that and come back later. I'll talk to the Imagineers and we'll get on it. The Imagineers are, those are just people who work at Disney.

Are those the animators? They are everything. I mean, they're not the animators. They are everything. Well, there's a great documentary, or I think it's a documentary on Disney Plus about Imagineers, and they are like the brainchild. Like, they come up with the theme, the look, the way things move, like the magic. Yeah. They're great.

What's your favorite ride? I love Space Mountain. Oh, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Mm. I didn't get to ride that when I went. But I did do Space Mountain. It's dark as hell of it. It's dark and scarcely.

I couldn't believe. It used to be darker. How? It was like pitch black. They didn't have twinkly lights before. Oh. It was pitch black. And I think someone got hit.

Someone got hit. I don't. That's what I heard. My goodness. But yeah, I like pirates because I love the smell of the water. You know that smell? Like chlorine? Indoor chlorine?

Indoor chlorine. You can go to a hotel and smell that. You don't have to spend that much money. It's a little different at pirates. It just smells different. It reminds. It's like, You know,

Yeah, nostalgic. There's a newer ride called Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Train and Goofy is conducting the train. And you know it didn't go well. Goofy. Goofy messed it up somehow. And all the cars are disconnected now and we're just running away. It's fun.

Is that here in Florida? Both. Oh. I got Mickey and Pluto confused. and the people I was with were like appalled. And a woman who worked at Disney, it was one of the Disney guys that guides you to the front and then a kid looks at you sad as you ride it twice.

The Disney person was like, where did you grow up? Like, why don't you know the characters? And I was like, not everyone's a fucking Disney head, okay? They know who goofy is. So I fucked up Goofy and Pluto. I didn't deserve... I don't deserve this now. They're two dogs.

Thank you. One can talk and one can't. And I don't know the difference. I feel like you're judging me very hard. I'm not. It's fine that you don't know the difference between goofy and cats. I guess I'm confused. It is confusing that there are two dogs and one's a pet.

Yes. One can work a job. That's... Are you interested in going to Disney again? I will only go to Disney. Disney with that guide who brings me to the front of the line. Sorry about it. It's okay.

I had a taste of that life and I refuse to go back. Yeah, I could imagine. I went to, there was like a Pride Night at Disneyland and Claire Bell Cow is now a gay icon. I don't know when this happened, but like we love her. And she came out. She was like the lead of the parade. and we were like, Quarapa,

like, and people are screaming, and she's just, like, waving. It's like her time to shine. It's real. And this is, like, a very, like,

like, not widely known character from, like, black and white. Like, black and white times. Yeah, I don't know who she is.

From the 30s. She has a big, like, bell. Mm-hmm. Big old feet. I think she's just, like, a fun-looking character. That's very funny.

But she's made a resurgence recently. That's fantastic. Good for Perbow. That's fantastic. I do think it's wild. wild that mini mouse, her shoes are so big. Mm-hmm. She looks like she's like dressing up in her mom shit.

Like, go get your foot-sized up. Well, it's just her ankles are small. Her foot goes wide. Oh. Oh. If you know mice at all. Famously, mice have really big feet, tiny ankles. John, I ain't no mice.

When I lived in New York, there was a mouse who lived in my oven. Ugh. And we would try to put cheese on like a little mousetrap. It didn't like cheese. And then we switched to blueberries and somehow take the blueberry and not die. I know, they're smart. They're really, mice are really smart. Yeah.

One time in New York, there was a mouse, a mouse in my house, a mouse in my apartment. And it like, I saw it scurry from under my bed and then crawled into my open purse that was on the floor. And I was like, well, I guess I should leave. I guess I should just move out completely It sucks Did you end up leaving? No, I stayed for like three more years Was this the apartment where you had no windows?

Oh yes Sishire, that was a while In Greenpoint? In Greenpoint, yes. I woke up there once. I chose to sleep there once And I was like, how do you do this? Yeah, three out of four bedrooms

did not have a window. The ceiling fell in at one point. The oven never worked. Like, you had to like plug in the oven to use it because when it plugged in, the Flint would just go, like it wouldn't stop. And then we were done, just unplug it. Like, and the landlord would come in and be like, I'm not fixing anything.

And we were like, okay. And then he would try to raise the rent. And we took him to court one time. And we got all dressed up. Did you wear a vest? Probably. And a tie. And he did not show.

And then the judge was like, okay, well, I'll order him to fix these things. But, like, it didn't matter. He was a slum lord. He wasn't going to do anything. Damn. That's wild. I wonder how it was legal for him to rent an apartment with no windows. It wasn't.

The whole building was illegal. Like, there was so many illegal things happening. But, like, I guess, I don't know why he couldn't get, like, fined or anything. But there's, like, a lost landlord's in New York. I think they're cracking down on that, though. Yeah. That new mayor, oh, boy. He'll take care of it.

He's doing great things. Our landlord, when I lived in New York, York. We were, so we came home and there was, like, a notice on the door that was like, don't let Lewis in. And we were all like, oh, okay, we can't let Lewis in. I've never met Lewis. I just send my checks to him.

But it turns out he was embezzling money and sending his daughter to private school. And I was like, well, it's pretty good. I do have a good education. That's actually, like, really nice. But I'm sure he was doing other things. But it was like, it was very juicy and exciting. That is juicy. My goodness.

Yeah. Yeah. That apartment should have been illegal. It was definitely, so it was a six-floor walk-up. We think that the sixth floor was just plopped on top of the fifth floor. Oh, no. Because it was definitely caving in. Ooh.

That is not fun. Yeah, if you dropped water or whatever, you'd have to run after it before it, like, went into a different room. Oh, my God. But my rent was $500 a month. Yeah. Yeah, mine was that in Greenpoint. But all the serious lunch guys had girlfriends that also lived with us. Oh, my God.

So it was like... Full house. A full house of people. How many bedrooms? One, two, three, four, and then five. The fifth bedroom was in the basement. And in Greenpoint, there was an oil spill many years ago. And so, like, all that oil, like, seeps up in the ground, and apparently you can get cancer.

Oh. From that. So Tim was like, Tim was in the basement. He's like, oh, we should move. I don't want to be living in the basement much longer. How many bathrooms? Three. Oh, that's nice.

It was a big house. What was your rent? I think my own was like $5.50 or something like that. Yeah. Those were the days. I wonder if you could rent anything now and pay $500 for a piece of it. I don't think so. Me either.

Those were the days. Those were the days. Well, you got any more questions for John? John, do you have questions for us? have questions for us? Sure. What is your favorite memory of me? What is my favorite memory?

Same with you. Okay. I mean, probably when we were being really funny and the ghost was clapping. There was once where, I don't know why you were in the back and we had this like outdoor area. I don't even know if you can call it an area.

I don't know why we had it. It was like an outdoor patio. But it was... No. Right off the living room. That was the size of this coffee table. And it was caged in. Oh, yes.

It was so wild. There's a picture of me shirtless. No, pantless. Oh, pantless. Sorry, pantless. Like, pretending I'm like locked up. And I don't know why you were on the ground taking the picture from there.

I think I was sun tanning or doing some exercise. Put some sun in. Yeah. Yes. Nicole would grab the cage and go, Ah. I guess that's not my favorite memory of you. What is?

Oh, I liked when we would make dinner for each other. You would always make like a good nutritious thing and I'd make a thing called Slop. That's fun. Slop is zucchini spirals. ground turkey, tomato sauce, and ricotta. Because you made something with ricotta, and I was like, whoa. Lazzania? No, you didn't make lasanas from me until after.

Okay. After we moved out of that place. But you made something with ricotta, and I was like, whoa, ricotta is, she's the shit. You didn't know about ricotta before that? The cheese. She didn't know who ricotta was. Remember we're making your character real? and you were like,

hi, I'm Riccada. Because you introduced me to Riccada. Damn. I liked Riccada so much I created a character named Riccada. That's really funny. Oh, and you picked me up from the airport once with a sign that said ricotta.

God, that made me laugh so hard. That's funny. I have a few memories of you. But I really liked, we both had our first year at S&L together, and I really liked hanging out in your dressing room and just, like, kind of like, on the couch and like... Oh yeah, we would snuggle.

We would snuggle. It was really sweet. And because we had lots of time. Lots of downtime. And also like the, like, I feel like we moved offices 16 times that year. Like, like... I didn't. People kept moving in and out of my office.

In your office. Yeah. And you had like this little like middle kind of cubby hole. But yeah. That was very fun. It was a crazy place. But like, I remember really like, like, liking. the cocoon that we were creating.

I remember when I was testing before, when I was at the hotel, and you were, I guess you were in New York, but you came to sleep over at the hotel. Oh, yes. And then she left the next day, or left the next morning, and I look over to the pillow, and it's all your makeup. I think also like my hair oil, too. I just left remnants of myself there.

Just left yourself. There she is. And then on the prom, I don't remember how many times, but I feel like you pitched the scarf, like, never-ending scarf idea so many times. Did we eventually do it? No, I ended up doing it my solo show. Okay. But yeah, the visual of this never-ending scarf that you kept wrapping around yourself. Like, you were so good at physical comedy, and I just remember loving that.

You're a good of physical comedy. Oh, thank you. You both are. I guess fuck my comedy. I said you both are. Oh, I thought you said we both are. I know, I said you both are. We're, but I was like, wow.

You are too. Hey, thanks. You're always rolling on the floor. I really am. I love rolling on the floor. Yeah. I, of memory, I have a view as when we're in New York, we left some party and we found those long lights.

What they called? Lightsabers? No. Oh, the like fluorescent lights? Fluorescent lights. Oh, did I break it in the street or something? She's like, oh, let's break this. And she immediately started breaking it.

She's like, they shatter really well. And then we're like, let's run. That's very funny. Oh, I also remember one time we went to a bar in Greenpoint, and I left my bag at some other bar or something. And you were trying to convince the bouncing. to let me in. You're like, look at her credit card.

Maybe I don't have a credit card, but not my license? I don't know. But you were like, you can Google her. She's on SNL. And I was like, please don't do that. Don't do that. That's very funny. Google her.

She's famous. He's like, I don't know this show. And I was like, I hate this. That's very funny. I remember that. And a good memory of you is, we don't have to get into it, but the Bohemian Rhapsody screening. That was.

A day. What a random day. I don't know how we got invited to the Bohemian Rhapsody screening. But we went. We stole a bottle of vodka. Jared Leto was there? Well, we had vodka. We went into the screening.

And then there was like an after party and we got a picture of Jared Leto and talked to him a little bit. And then we were leaving. But I remember Jared Leto did not like me, but liked you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Letto loved me. I was like, let it go.

Oh my God. And then Nicole saw a bottle of vodka and she's like, can I have this to like the reception or something? The reception is like, I don't know. I don't know. I was like, I'm going to take it. And then we were so drunk by like 3 p.m.

Well, we went home and we were so like enthralled by like Freddie Mercury. Oh, that we just started watching Queen videos. Yeah. And like standing directly in front of the TV being like, he's so good, right? That's very funny. Oh, my God.

Alcohol enhances everything. It really does. I just remember. Oh, and then I was supposed to go out with a man later that night. I think you had a show or something. No, I had a date. I was like, Nicole, you can't go. I had a date.

And I had to text him to be like, I can't meet you. I'm like, not well. Maybe I did have a show. I think you went to a show. I was like, good luck. Oh, gosh. I, maybe I did. I remember texting somebody that I was like,

I don't know how to be a human being right now. We were like chugging this vodka. Like we were never going to get booze again. Well, don't chug vodka, guys. No. Rules of friendship. Don't chug vodka. Well, it was so nice to have you.

Oh, ladies. This was so fun. Thank you for driving here. And sitting here and talking here. And talking and answering questions. and queries. Well, we'll see you soon. See you at Disney.

No, I won't. Bye. Bye! Best Friends is a production of HeadGum Studios. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our executive producers, Anya Kahn of Skaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Rochelle Chech.

That was a HeadGum podcast.