Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole’s Quest to Dance in the Dark

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer are back in the studio to discuss the age gap problem between vampires and their high school girlfriends, deciding where to get a new tattoo, realizing everyone at the party is on mushrooms except for you, and what Big Pharma isn’t telling you about knee pain.Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Let's talk about that thing you keep saying you'll do, the new career, the next step, the dream you keep putting off because life is busy and change feels hard. But what if it didn't have to be? Chamberlain University has been preparing healthcare professionals for over 135 years. As the nation's largest nursing school, Chamberlain offers flexible programs,

built around your life, faculty who genuinely care and a community ready to lift you up. Maybe today is the day, maybe your someday starts now, because here's what Chamberlain wants you to know. You've got this and we've got you. Learn more at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University belong to something greater, certified to operate by Shev. Hello, this is Shear. Hello, Nicole. How are you today? Good. I turned 40. Yeah. I don't think we've talked about it.

It's been almost a month, but I don't think we've talked since I've turned 40. 4-0. 4-0. How do you feel? I feel good. Yeah, I don't feel... I don't know what 40 usually feels like, but... It feels nice.

We don't know because this is the first time you've turned 40. It's true. I've never done this before. You're in uncharted waters. Really? Yeah, but I like it. And I don't know, life feels good right now. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I was looking forward to 40 because late 30s feels so, like, liminal. Like, ooh, that's an SAT2 word. Oh. In a liminal space. Liminal. But 40 feels definitive. Like, I'm in my 40s.

And, I don't know, like adults. Uh-huh. And I like it. I like it, too. I can't wait until I turn 40. in 10 years. Oh, yes, of course. You'll get there one day.

No, I'm kidding. I'm already 40. I'm 92. I'm so old. No. I feel old. Yeah. We went dancing.

We finally got dancing in. And I had my arms up and I was going for it. I was bopping. I looked at you and I said, I'm so glad I have my knee brace on. And I was dying. I was like, of course. That is, that's a conversation you have when you're in your 40s. Absolutely.

I Instacarded like, it's for arthritis, but I put that on my knee, made that feel better. Then I was like, I threw out my neck putting my hair up in a ponytail. And I was like, oh, no, put that on my neck. And then my arm was hurting a little bit today. So I put it on my arm and I was like, wow, this is really coming in handy. Yeah. I've been, I told you how I talked to a friend of a friend who, like,

does like physical therapy, physio work. And I was like, my knees are always hurt. And she just touched my knees. And she was like, you have so much scar tissue. And I was like, mm, okay. And she was like, you probably need someone to scrape it. Like, and I was like, is that a surgery? She's like, no, they just scrape over the skin.

They're just like really like scraping into your knee. And I was like, well, that sounds awful. And I have not looked into it for myself. But I have seen videos. And I was like, maybe if I. I scrape myself, it won't hurt as much, because I'm not going to go as deep as I'm sure a doctor would. But I got, like, Tiger's Bomb. And, like, after a shower, when my limbs are a little looser.

Put the Tiger Bomb on. And then I have a guasha, you know, those, like, face. You're using so many words I'm not sure of. It's basically, like, one of those, it's like a rose quartz. They have Jane. Where you, like, scrape it up in your face, like, looks better or something. Yeah. I bought that when that was really a big trend years ago, but I don't use it.

And I was like, maybe I could use this thing. And so I'll use that on my knee and like, not scrape, I'm sure as much as they would, but like enough that I'm like, that feels like something. And my knees haven't been cracking as much. All right. Maybe I got a goosh on and scrape. Get Sean. What's it called?

Guasha. Guasha. Yeah. Yeah. Or like, honestly. the things that the videos look like, it looks like they're using, like, knives. I mean, not actual knives, but, you know, like, something hard. Some people will use, like, metal spoons.

Yeah. Send me one of these videos. Yeah. I might need to do that. Yeah. But also, this is, this sucks. And I feel like people don't talk about it. They're like, oh, no, your knees crack when you sit.

But what do I do? Yeah. What do I do? Yeah, because I think, like, yeah, you're, I don't. I don't know people are aware you could do things to prevent, like, knee surgery in the future. Or, like, maybe you will have knee surgery anyway. But, like, just the little scrabbing I've been doing on my own, I'm like, oh, that's already a lot better. That's great.

I need to keep doing that. But, like, why are there no, why aren't people talking about this more? I don't know. Because they want you to get surgery? They want you to take pills? They don't want you to be great. No. They don't want you to scrape on your own

with Tiger Bomb after the shower. They want you to come in for surgery, open up your knee, get it all sewn up and pay big farmer bills. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I don't want to fucking do that. Me neither.

Mm-mm. Oh, my golly. Yeah. But I truly, I was like, these three points hurt. What's next? There's going to be a next. That is true.

Yeah. I, my shoulder's feeling a little better. That's been sticky for a while. Mm-hmm. And I've been trying to, like, do more push-ups, like, just to build up my upper body strength. Uh-huh. And, um, tricep dips. Oh.

And that is helping. But then my back was hurting yesterday. And I was like, is that because of the other stuff I've been doing? That's what happens. You start moving your body. Mm-hmm. And then other things are wrong. Yes.

I, I had poll on Sunday. And I was feeling good. got home, I said, wow, the body is lubricated, it feels nice. Then I sat down for five minutes and I was like, now I'm stiff. Now between my shoulder blades is really stiff. And then I'm like, how do I reach that? I don't know.

It never fucking ends this year. It never ends. And then you die. Damn. We just live in pain and then we die. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I've been re-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What a fun time. Yeah. But I want to talk to Sarah Michelle Geller. Okay. Well, you hurting now?

You did a lot of flips and tricks and stuff. She was like a teenager when she was doing that. She was 20. I looked it up. Oh, okay. Angel was 28. Oh, wow. Age gap.

That is, for that era, is a good age gap. But on the show, he's 200, even wider age gap. That's true. Mm-hmm. She goes... You're older than me? He was like, you could say that. Like, a lot of old.

We could all say that. This ain't right. This ain't right. That's a huge... That is like so strange to me. All these vampire movies and shows where a man who's like centuries old is talking to a teenage girl. And they're like, I mean, we could be together. She hasn't even lived this life long enough for you to have anything interesting to say this person.

Yeah. You want to talk... What? What are you going to talk about? You've seen renaissance. Yes. You've seen wars. You've lived life.

You've lived so much life. And she doesn't know what music you've listened to. Like, I feel so old talking to somebody 10 years younger than me. And they're like, who's Britney Spears? And I'm like, what? You don't know toxic? Yeah. He's like, you don't, you've never seen a Rembrandt.

But it does feed into like older, because women do it too. Older people date. meeting younger people? What do you all talk about? I don't know. Like, yeah. Which I guess, of course, it's possible to have a relationship with somebody

and not just refer to cultural things. But I talk about a lot of cultural stuff. Same. Or just like remember when this happened. And if they don't, then we're at a standstill. Right? He's like, remember when the Civil War ended?

And she's like, I barely remember Nine a lot. And it's like, wow, what are your tragedies? Yeah. I have so many more than you. So many. Even like, yeah, you definitely don't have to have the same life experiences to have a full relationship. But like, he's also experienced so much loss in his life. Yes, so many people die.

Yeah. And this little girl, she's like, my grandma was sick once. Like, that was, that sucked. I had a goldfish. That died. That died. It's like, I murdered my whole family because I'm a vampire. And you got kicked out of your last school because you burnt down the gym.

I murdered my family. My ex-lover is here trying to kill you. There's a lot going on. A lot of history happening. But it is a while that I feel like a lot of vampires go after teen girls. Yeah. Like Twilight? Yes.

They go to different high schools and stay in high school. school, Angel is following around a high schooler, giving her his jacket. It's weird. It's weird. His Wilson's leather jacket. Yeah. It's probably vintage, too. He kept it that long.

It's the first leather jacket ever made. And she's just wearing it willy-nilly with a brats doll tank top underneath. I feel like the way you're treating my shit's not cool. Yeah, it's like, you actually have to respect it. It's one of a kind. And then I got to the episode where they finally kiss. It is passionate. And then he, like, immediately turns into a vampire.

And then they kiss again and he doesn't turn into a vampire. And I was like, so you can control it? Hmm. Maybe it's like... Pre-ejackulation. He's like, oh, I got a little too excited. And then he jumps out of her window feet for... No, head first.

And then there's so many scenes where people go. go through Windows feet first, and I'm like, did you not have a stunt coordinator? Or were they like, well, that's the safest way you would do it. And I'm like, but doesn't look cool. Head first? Yeah, he was like, too. Feet first looks weird too. That's all just weird.

But it is so wild. She invites him into her home. They sleep together. Well, she's in the bed. He's on the floor. She's got a teddy bear. And I'm like, you're 200 years old and you're chill with that. Like, I'd be like, oh, I have to leave.

I have to go. You are way too young for me. You sleep with a teddy bear and I suck blood. I have blood in my freezer. Like, I need to find a woman. Yes. I need to find an adult woman. It's, or a vampire.

Yes. I am through with these vampires dating humans. Yeah. Go find somebody. Your own age. Your own kind. Wow. Wow.

Vampires were real. I'm. You're a bigot. You're a bigot. Stick to your own down! You bloodsuckers! I believe it. Sorry about it.

Yeah. It just feels like there's an uneven power dynamic happening. Do you think it's like male writers living their fantasy of dating teenagers? Definitely. I just can't imagine. Because you see it in television. An older guy with like a high. hot rod, a cool car, picking up a girl from high school. You don't feel stupid? I would feel so stupid.

I mean, you should be embarrassed. Right? You're like, oh, wait, why am I out of high school? I'm sorry. I got to go. I have to leave. I'm waiting for a bell to ring. Yeah. And then she's like, can I leave? She just asked permission to go to the bathroom during school. You could go to the bathroom whenever you want. Don't you want to date someone free? Also, you're like kind of kidnapping this person. Yes. Does her mom know where she is? He just scooped her from school?

Also, like, what is that conversation? Like, when you finally meet her mother, you're like, yeah, I'm a grown man. I work in a factory and I'm dating your daughter who has to do math homework. Mm-hmm. I think men should be asking themselves these questions. They really should. And asking each other these questions, too. Yeah.

Yo, does your girl have homework? Where does she go to a job? Where does she go to a job? I had a friend who was dating somebody under 21, and we went to a bar, and she couldn't get in because she didn't have an ID. Like, she had her school ID and not like an ID that said, I'm 21, I can go in this bar. And I was like, I'm leaving. I was like, I don't want to be a part of this. I don't want to be here.

This sucks. Yeah, that's fucking weird. It's weird. You can't hang with us because you're too young? Yeah. Go back to school. Hang with your fellow students. Yeah.

Someone will buy you beer and you can drink in a dorm or something. But like, don't hang out with adults. Yeah, do a different crime. Don't go in this bar. Ask somebody outside to buy you shit. But yeah, that's what, they should. That is a part of like your young, your youth. But like, we're adults and we're going to go buy drinks with our money that we earn from our job.

Yeah, I remember, I feel like only one older man hit on me. And I might have told this story on this podcast, but it was my, I was babysitting for this family. And the dad was going through a midlife crisis. He had a turquoise Pontiac Firebird. And it was late at night. And he goes, oh, I'll take you home. And I was like, I'm good walking. He was like, no, no, I'll take you home.

And then I got in the car, we're getting close to my house. And he was like, you really are pretty. And I remember being like, I have 22 zits. right now, and my skin looks like a pizza. It is so oily. You're lying to me. I know what I look like. And then he was just like, I can't remember what he said, but it was something to the effect of like, I just need to make sure you're safe and you get, like, it was like weird. Yeah. I have to go. It's so funny that like you were more realistic in that scenario. You weren't like, wow, he must really like me. You were like, there's something wrong with you. There's something

wrong with you, sir. There's abs. I just gave your children a bath and drink hot soda because you don't put soda in the refrigerator and now you're taking me home hitting on. No. No, I know what I look like. These pants don't even fit me good.

I have more than a muffin top. I'm not looking right. Go home to your wife. Go home to your wife. Yeah. Have you ever been hit on by an older gentleman? Probably, but I was also like so obtuse when I

younger, like so in my own world, like, wasn't even clocking any sort of like attraction or attention being given to me. Yeah, I probably, but I did not clock again. I also remember I did like some of my teachers. I had a history teacher that I was like, we're flirting. I was like, this man wants me. And then like, I grew up and I was like, no, he didn't. He went home to whatever adult he had and never thought about me again. Yeah. What are you talking about he won? Yeah, which is such a weird.

I mean, like, you know, if you're young, you're young. You don't know any better. But like, it's so funny, like, for students that have crushes on teachers and be like, what if, what if? And then you become an adult and you're like, it shouldn't have, it should. I'm glad it didn't. Yes. It should never happen like that. That would be a crime.

It would be an absolute crime. But it was funny when we went back to my high school and I was like, wow, you look the same. And she was like, well, I was 20. And I was like, and I was 17. No wonder I didn't respect you. Yeah. No wonder I was like, oh, you're telling me what to do. Like you were just here.

Yeah, you just left. Yeah. And now you're telling me to read. Bitch, you read. Not reading Beowulf. Also, I'm too stone to read this out loud. Mm-hmm. God, I would get so high before that lady's class.

So she were like higher than a kite Like I didn't know I would like walk in the classroom I'd be like oh man I gotta sit somewhere And I'd be like oh yeah that's the open seat And I'd be like And then she was like open your books

And I'm like who has a book? And I don't think I can do that now Smoke a whole blood And then be with like 30 other people No I don't know how people do that I don't either I actually never could do that

I have tried to smoke weed at different points in my life and was never functioning. I was like comatose, like staring off into the distance, quiet. I could never be like, yeah, let me smoke and go do it activity. Comatose, hungry. Yes. Or sleeping. Definitely.

Those are the three versions of Sashir you get when you're stone. I'll never forget when we ate weed brownies. I ate half because I was like, I think everyone's going to eat this whole one. And I think you ate the whole one. And I think you ate the whole one. I think, well, I don't know. I probably ate half, but that's still too much for me. And I'll never, because we did a live show after.

Which was. And JD, who was, J.D. Amato, who was a producer on it, came over to me and was like, hey, can you like help Sashir talk? And I was like, what? I don't, what do you? I'm also not here. He also said the same thing to me. He held my shoulders and was like, just say anything.

Anything at all. Just get in there. Feel free to say. words and I was like feel free to say words words anything I like completely forgot we had to do a show and then they brought us in

open the doors there were people sitting on the floor and whole audience and I was like that also was my reaction I was like why are they doing this? I was like we signed up to do this we signed up to do this but I completely forgot that was part of it yeah I would get so high

and then do things. Yeah. I can't remember if I talked about this on the pod, but there was a time. I wanted to go to a concert with my ex, and I couldn't make it past the opener. We maybe saw one song of the actual band I wanted to see.

And I was like, I gotta go. I guess I said I was hungry because I blacked out. Then you came to, and we were at Sweet Chick. And I was like, what? And he was like, you said you were hungry. And I was like, I don't want to be home. I don't want to be here.

He's like, okay. That was a monster. That's really funny. Yeah, I can, we just went to a party where there was weed, and I was like, I can take one little puff. And I took one little puff, and then I was like having a good time until I was like, uh-oh, sleep. I need sleep. Sleep time. And then I said to that nice man in my life, I was like, we can go anytime you want.

And he was like, I'm having a fun time. And I was like, oh, shit. I did this to myself. Because I was sure he'd want to, because he had been out for so, he was out past, or earlier than me, because I took an eternity to get ready.

I started getting ready at six and did not leave the house until 8.30, until you came and got me at like 8.30. And boy, oh boy, when you came and got me, I was like, oh, I better start moving. You're like five minutes away. And I was like, ah!

And I should have been ready to party all fucking night. But then that one little hit, I was like, better sit down, got to do, gotta go do something. And he was like, I'm having fun. I was like, okay, we got to power through this. And that's not why you smoke weed to power through the feelings you're having.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like weeds, well, I don't know. Weeds different for people, but it feels more of like a relaxing time, the amped up party time. For me, it is very much at home on the couch, two little puffs, giggle, giggle, sit up so you don't fall asleep. Sit up so you don't fall asleep. Or if I eat an edible, nine times out of ten, I go,

ha, boy, why do I feel like this? And then I wonder for a while. Then I go, oh, I ate an edible. And then I'm like, ha, ha, ha. I got to sit down now, now that I figured it out. I like mushrooms. Mushrooms are, that's my party drug.

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And I was like, cookies, chips. And I was like pointing things out. And he's like, sorry, I took mushrooms like an hour ago. And I was like, oh, were you like with people when you did that? Because I also didn't know if you had been at the party or he came from a different place. But I was like, were you with people or did you do that? by yourself. And he was like, no, I did it with people at the party. We're on mushrooms. I was like, oh. I was like, it was one of those moments where you're like, everyone's on, oh, other ones are on mushrooms.

I had no idea. I too was on mushrooms. I thought you heard the conversation. I did not at all. That's deeply funny. I was the only one now that's mushrooms. Did you do it alone or with like people? We're all on mushrooms. I was like, I'm like, I'm glad I'm with my knee brace. I'm feeling good with my knee brace. Well, that tracks now. That's really, I thought you heard. I thought you were on mushrooms too.

I certainly wasn't. Wow. And that's how fun you are. Yeah. Yeah. This is me. I had been like yearning to dance in the dark. And it really got me what I needed.

Yeah. The way I'm saying this is nuts. It really got me what I needed. Dance dark. Yearning to dance in the dark. A hunger to dance in the dark. I've been on a quest to dance in the dark. And then I've learned that DJs don't really love taking requests

because they have a set playlist and they're feeling the vibes and they're doing what they want. And I went up to Ali and I was like, can you play this? And he's like, I will. I'll get to it. And I was like, okay. And I was like, hey, can you play this one? He was like, I don't have it. And I was like, here's the video.

These are the people. And then he just kind of went, yeah. And I was like in the moment. But then like I got home and I was like, yeah, he's let him. What's wrong with? Go home and play the songs you want to hear. Also, you were sending other people to go make the request for you. You were like, okay, it didn't work with me.

Yeah. But you go ask. And I'm like, he's going to know it's you. They're asking for the same song. There's not so many people here that he's like, oh, it could be anyone. I guess a lot of people like this song. Had a nice time. That nice man came, and I was downing a buzz ball, and he went, oh, okay, it's one of those nights.

And I was like, yeah, it's one of those nights. It's really funny. That buzz ball did me in. Oh. I think there's a lot of sugar in them. Yeah. The next day, I was having a tough time. But I got so much done.

Oh, great. I went to pull. Yeah. I went to Anders Armstrong Garden Center and I bought plants. Nice. I potted those plants. I went and saw a movie. Yeah, that's a lot. I can't even believe you did all that. Wow. It was wild. Wow. It was wild. I had my family over and they brought children and that was a lot for me. I understand. I was like, this is all the activity I need today. Mm-hmm. My enemy came. Yes. My little cousin who he was wearing a Sonic shirt and you were like, you like Sonic too? He's like, it's just a shirt. And I was like, wow. I made another child enemy today.

Oh, I was walking my dog, and there's a man who lives around the corner for me who's got a big standard poodle who's really, really nice. Sometimes he walks him off leash at night. Clyde will play with him. Clyde played with him today, and he had his grandson with him. And I was like, whoa, you've a really cool haircut. He was like, thanks.

They also cut my mom's hair, and I was like, oh, okay. I was like, how old are you? He was like, I'm five. And I was like, oh, it's really cool that you're like carrying books on the walk. And then his grandpa was like, yeah, he like, we go on a walk and we'll sit on a rock, we'll read a book. And I was like, and you have a ring. And that's cool. And he went, okay.

And then turned around and walked away. And I was like, well, I guess he's done with me. And he's like, you know how kids are. And I was like, actually, I don't. I was actually like really connecting with him. I was noticing fun things on him and creating a conversation. And he walked away from a black, he walked away from me. He was a racist kid.

A racist kid. It's almost Juneteen. Well, I wonder how much socializing kids are getting these days because they're mostly like on iPads and like screens. So like, I mean, I have no clue. I do not have a child and don't hang out with many at all. So but yeah, like when we were younger, I feel like it was more normal to like bring your kids to like your friend's birthday party.

like adult birthday party. You'd be around adults and probably have to talk to them for some reason. Or at church or whatever. But I don't know how much... How many conversations children are having these days? Or is it just like sit in front of the TV? I was giving him one. He wasn't experienced with it.

His grandpa should have put his hand on his head, turned his head around and said, that lady's talking to you. That's what my mother would have done. That also is what my mother would have done. She would have been like, they're talking to you. Yeah, respond. Mm-hmm.

But I think they were also in an era where people were like, you just let the kid choose what they want. Like, they don't have to say, they don't have to respond if they don't want to. They don't have to give a hug if they don't want to, which I definitely agree with. But then they are lacking in social skills. Yes.

If they're not kind of forced. Forced to talk. To talk to the stranger who liked his ring. And his fun haircut. It was a great haircut. I really wanted to. I was almost like, it's going to grow up really well. But then I'm the freak.

I'm the weird freak they met on the walk. I'm just trying to connect with this kid. You're a vampire. Let me pick you up from preschool. Let's hang out. With my Jeep with the top of? Come on. So what blocks did you play with?

Did you learn math? Friend. Can you read that side? Let's spell that together. Oh, wow. What a laugh we had. A laugh was had indeed. God, there was another thought that popped into my head

and I simply can't remember it. Neighborhood kids. Children. Children. Anyway, I'm going back to Atlanta next month. Oh, fun. And I'm going to get a tattoo. Okay.

And I'm trying to figure out what's the next tattoo I want. Do I want it to be a leopard? Mm-hmm. Do I want it to be a martini? glass? Do I want it to be... Yeah, I'm trying to debate because I have different

areas. So my back is animals. My side is random shit. My thighs are starting to be random shit. And I'm like, do I get random shit or do I get an animal? Mm-hmm.

What's the last animal you got? The last animal I got was butterflies. Okay. Hmm. Yeah, get a leopard. Can I leopard in a martini glass? Or a leopard drinking a martini. Okay.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. I was trying to think of a pun, but maybe there isn't one. A leopard drinks its spots. That just doesn't make sense. Hmm. Hmm.

Maybe it's a leopard and one of its spots is a martini glass, and it's like, spot the martini. And then I become a Where's Waldo game? Yes. Yeah, you just have puzzles on your back. Where I have like a tank top on and people are like, ooh, fun. They're like drawing with a pen. Wait, that's kind of fun. Yeah.

So I've seen people get those dot things where you connect the dots and it's a thing. Oh, that's fun. You got it. I did. I have no idea how to explain that better. What are they called? Oh, I don't know. never thought of those things having a name, but I guess connect the dots. Just connect the dot

picture? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've seen those. Yeah, and you could do that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I also saw, the thing about, like, pulling inspo from, like, Instagram or whatever is, like, you're pulling an artist's reference as opposed to just, like, whatever you see online and they trace it and whatever. But I saw this. It was like a Lisa Frank banana. It was like a Chiquita banana type with, like, like, a Chiquita banana type with, like, glasses on and like hearts and it was so colorful. And I was like, oh my God, I want it. But should I go to that artist? I don't know. Where are they?

I don't know. That is interesting. But I guess it's like, yeah, how does that work? Because it's like, does the artist have, do you have to pay the artist for their design? I don't know. Maybe the artist who puts it on you changes it a little bit to make it their own design. Yeah. Hmm.

Interesting. Interesting. I also want, you know how you have your band, your sea band? It's a garter belt tattoo, and I have Japanese waves going around. What did I call it? Sea band. Your sea band? It's actually a garter tattoo with Japanese waves.

Your sea band! I want a flame band. Oh, yeah. I want a garter of flames. Yeah. And the thing about that is I have big thighs. So I'm like, that's going to be a big one. That's going to take some time.

Yeah. And then I'm like, do I want to... Because it's an artist, her name's Kayla, and she's incredible. She's done... She did my black rainbow bright. And then she did a little UFO. And I'm like, she's such a great artist. And it's like, you do need a great artist to do flames and like make it even and stuff.

But I'm like, but like she could actually... like she could do something really fun with like a leopard. That's like one of the things where you're like, well, who do I get to do what I think is simple but I know is complicated? You know what I mean? Yeah. But this artist sounds great. I love her.

Yeah. She's so incredible. Yeah. And like when she did my rainbow bright, her partner at the time had also done two other tattoos on me. So I was sitting there for like four hours. And by the end I was like, can you be done? She was like, no. I was like, please be done.

She was like, I'm going to finish your tattoo. I'm tired. And she was like, I mean, you could take a break, but I will finish this tattoo. And I was like, oh, my God, okay. And I'm glad she was like, I'm going to finish it because I love her so much. Yeah. I kind of wish she was somewhere where I could see her more, but she's on my band of Silly. Your band is silly.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No matter how many tattoos you get, they're always exhausting. Yes. Like, I feel like depleted after it because I'm just like bracing the whole time. And you don't want to like laugh or talk too much. And you're like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, you're going through.

Very sensitive part. Yeah. I think the back of my thigh was horrible. And you got to get that done twice. I did. I didn't have to, but I did. Because the first time the artist was like, something about like fluting and like the shape of your leg

because it like is like small and then gets large. You know, like thighs, like all thighs. He was like the belt can't go all the way around like. like straight. It has to like taper down and like slant. And then the guy in the next chair, the artist in the next chair was like, I've never heard of that before. And I should have been like, what he said? What? If he, if another tattoo artist hasn't heard of that before, that might not be a thing. But I just let him do it because I wasn't good at advocating for myself. And then I left and I was like, this is not what I asked for. And also, I've definitely seen what I want. And also, I've definitely seen what I

wanted on the street and other people. And that's how you got the idea. Yes. And I was like, why did that, why did that happen? And why did I let it happen? And I had it for like three years. And then I went back to the same tattoo shop and I was like, look, I know I paid for this. I know I agreed to it. I said yes to it. I let years go by. I let years go by. But I just don't like it. This is not what I asked for. And that tattoo artist was long gone by that point. And they're like, well, we can just fix it. And so they like added more to. to the top and the bottom to like even it out and then like shaded some areas so you didn't see the initial lines. And I like it's so much better. Yeah. Isn't it wild that when you ask for something

and you get exactly what you ask for, you're happy? It is wild. Yeah. I let a tattoo artist talk me into just a different idea. And I sometimes regret it. But then sometimes I'm like, no, I actually do like it. It's just not what I asked for. Yeah. But yeah. I don't know. Wow. Oh. Oh. Oh. How many tattoos do you have? A lot? Yeah, you have a lot. Let's see. Oh, my watch is almost coming off.

Oh, thank goodness you. You look. Oh, what embarrassing. It just fell out. It would have been just devastating. It is a little, I had to add a little link, so it's like a little janky, but whatever. Let's see. One, two.

Wait, we can't do this. I would say forever. I would say 30 and between 30 and 40. Wow. Which is kind of wild because you can't see them. You can't usually see them, yeah. I was getting something. I can't remember what.

And I was like, I'm running out of space. And they were like, you're not. And I was like, well, I am running out of like non-visible space. Because I'll do my torso. I'll do my legs to my knees, my back, my arms. I'll do like back here. But yeah, I don't want to make someone's life harder on a set. Yeah.

Because right now it's like if I'm in three-quarter sleeves, I'm good. Yeah, but like, depending on the makeup bars can take a while to cover a tattoo. And when they cover it on my back, I do wash my back, but sometimes you have to like scrub at it. And it's like when you do that, like sometimes it's hard to like really scrub all the makeup off. And then you're like, so I'm dirty? You like look and you're like, oh, it's so fucking there. I'm dirty. I got to get back in my.

Lord. Lord. Yeah. And also for people of color, if you're black or brown, some people don't know how to color match that well. No. And then, like, I've had, definitely had cover-ups of my tattoos that look like burn scars. Yes, we're like, ugh, this looks wild. Yeah, it's like it looks worse.

We should probably just show the tattoo at this point. Do you think you'll get any more? Probably, at some point. But I don't have any ideas. Like, I'm not like craving something specific, like, like. there was one point where you and I were in New York, I don't remember. I feel like you're always like, let's get a tattoo. It's my favorite thing to do to just get, to make a choice and get it.

Yeah, so I don't know what was happening, but the threat of a tattoo was upon us. And I was like, oh, maybe I would get like a geometric rose or something. Oh, yeah. Because my name means a crystal rose. So, like, that's like an option if it ever comes up again. I might do that. And I would put it somewhere. I don't know.

Maybe on my back. Ooh. I don't think I have it. Oh, I have one on my, like, lower back. I have a little pizza slice. Mm-hmm. Don't have anything on my upper back. How many do you have?

I think just like seven. Pizza slice. Tree. Mm-hmm. A C-band. Sea band. A bull? Yes.

Where's a bull? On my tricep. Yeah. What's here? A tiger. Tiger. Good night world. Mm-hmm.

Oh, in the chair. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. We should take another break. Let's take a break. Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee-free banking. This is fee-free banking built for you.

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friend a lot. We said, good night world, and we both got matching tattoos. It does sound like we were trying to kill ourselves, but that's not what it was. He was like, it does sound like that. and then asked no more questions about my tattoos. And I was like, whoopsies. I never thought about that. It's like we had a suicide pact. Well, this is it. Good night.

Good night forever. And I can't remember. Somebody said that to me at some other point where they were like, good night world sounds grim. And I was like, oh, no, no. We're just saying good night to each other and the world. But we were going to wake up again. We will wake up the next morning.

Don't worry. But also like, because we were also kind of basing off a good night moon, and that's popular. People know about that. I feel like people should know about that. Yeah. I don't know. Also, maybe they don't. I don't know what people, what references people have.

Is that your only matching tattoo with somebody? Yeah. Oh. Mm-hmm. I have a lot. Yeah. I have a rocket that me, Jen and Evan, have. I have a UFO that me, Meatball, and Tess have.

have. I have good night, good night world with you. I have a piece of cake with Tess. And I think that's it. But I do think it's like very, it's fun and like bonding. Yeah. And everyone I have a matching tattoo with, I'm like, oh, that's somebody who's going to be in my life indefinitely, like forever. Yeah. And because I can't imagine having a match. Actually, no, I do have a matching tattoo with someone where I don't speak to them anymore. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess that's the risk Yeah. Of like, especially if it's like someone's name or something based off of like a relationship or something.

Yeah, it's the risk. I do want to get someone's name tattooed. Ah. I want to get the name Tony Soprano tattooed on me. Like just a very neat, just like just Tony Soprano and I think I really want it here. You want like in a heart or just... Nope. Just Tony Sopranos.

It would also be really funny if you put his birth date and his death date. Like... Wait, but do I put the Sopranos like TV show as the birth and death or his actual birth and death? The character's birth and death. Like Tony Soprano, like 1961. But he's not... We don't know if Tony Sopranos dead. But I thought it was like a common thing that like...

I thought it was a common assumption that he was. No. So are you going to watch the... Probably not. But I know how it ends. It just goes to black. Yeah. And then people are mad because there is no definitive ending. But to me, I go, that is life. There is no definitive ending. The show is ending. But, like, you get to decide how the characters live on. And my brain, I'm like, Tony continued to...

Tony was so lucky. He continued to, like, you know, continue his operations. He got... new people in his family or whatever. To me, I don't think he died that day. Okay. But then what explains the black? This is just the end of the show? Just the end of the show. Because I thought, because I think I, I feel like we talked about it in a class that I had or something,

like some sort of TV writing class. Because it's following his journey and his story, ending abruptly like that is that, because he wouldn't, if he got shot in the head or whatever, he wouldn't know. like he, unless he saw the person walking towards him. But like, it would go to black for his perspective. So I feel like that is kind of like, and that's the end for Tony. I feel, but I also feel, I think that is very, very much a explanation for it.

I just took it as the show is ending, but Tony doesn't have to. She really wants to believe. Oh, I love Tony so much. And you can keep believing. And I also believe that, like, the tension that is brought with Meadow trying to park her car and she's crossing the street and you think something might happen, but then nothing actually happens, I took the fade to black to mean maybe nothing happened. Or maybe the man who is causing tension at the diner that they were at was actually an op or whatever and shot him. I think it's, I think it's meant to be interpreted however you want to. interpret because the show was so important to a lot of people that's like however you wanted

to end is how it ends. And for me, Tony is still living. He is still running his fucking family. He is now absorbed another family. And now the New Jersey family is one of the five families and very important. I'm kidding. I don't know. But maybe I will. Maybe I will put a, uh, uh, could just be also be the show dates. What's funnier? I think the character, but you believe the character's still alive. I guess it won't be the character. But whatever's funny, I will do it for the bit. I can leave what I believe alone for a bit.

Oh, my God. Snapped up and snapped off. I don't know what happened to me. Oh, boy. Do we answer questions and queries? Let's do that. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Longtime listener and fan.

Nicole, we were in the audience for your post-COVID Netflix special and had a blast. Sashir, I've literally rewatch Agatha all along 20 plus times because I'm obsessed. I was hoping to get your advice about a current life situation and I think you'd both be able to provide a unique perspective

given your individual backgrounds. I moved to NYC from the Midwest a little over eight years ago now. I've had my ups and downs with the city but I do consider it home at this point. My partner is interviewing for a job in L.A., and they now want to fly him out for a final in-person interview

to potentially start two months later. While I'm obviously excited for him and this potential new opportunity and knowing nothing is set in stone and we would need to have our own conversation about this potential life-changing move, I am having trepidations of moving to a city slash state I've never been to.

I know each city offers its own unique cultures and experiences, but I'm naturally nervous about moving to a place that is dramatically different than what I'm used to and what I prefer. especially since I'm a pumpkin spice bitch who loves fall in sweater weather. Financially, it would be really good for us, but my question is, having worked and lived in both places, could you provide some insight on the positive slash negative differences you've experienced

when comparing both places? I obviously want to be supportive, but I do need to take my own needs into consideration before we come to a decision on a major life change like this. And you should know he wouldn't accept the job or pressure me if I wasn't comfortable. Any feedback you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Platonically love you both. Thank you. Well, before we start talking about New York versus L.A.,

I do want to talk about just moving in general. And it can be a big shift, of course. But this person already said they made a move from the Midwest to New York. That's a huge shift. Huge culture shock. Yeah, that is very different. Honestly, New York, compared to any other place, is a huge culture shock. and sometimes it can be exciting to just have a huge shakeup.

Like, I don't know how old this person is, but like, it can be fun to find new places, new stomping grounds, new people, new energy. And, like, the fact that you're moving with a partner, that's, at least you already know one person. Like, at least you have that, you have your support system there and that is grounding. but you're not like starting fresh. You're not like, I'm the only person in this big city, and I don't even know anybody. It's like, no, you'll know at least one person. And you probably know other people too.

Yeah. And like, I know they said their partner would never pressure them or take the job without like that person writing being comfortable. But do you really want to be the reason your person doesn't take a job? Yeah. Like, not that like, I mean, I don't know what the job is. And we don't know if it's like the best opportunity for it for, this partner, but like, I personally wouldn't want my trepidation or my fear of a big change

to the reason my partner doesn't do a thing that they want to do. Yeah. Also, I feel like most decisions aren't permanent. Yeah. You could move here and go, I don't like it. I'd like to go back. And of course, it's like maybe your partner doesn't want to go back. maybe that is what ends your relationship.

But also, I think that's okay because it just means you guys moved in different directions. But also, you might move to L.A. and you might love it. I just really think that it's, sure, moving across the country is a huge deal. It's, like, moving sucks. But it's not permanent. And you can get out of a situation you don't like. But I also agree, why not take the plunge?

Why not, you know, do something new and exciting. And I will say, L.A. is closer to the Midwest than it is New York. New York is one of a kind. It is, I've come to learn, Sesame Street. It's Sesame Street. Yeah. And I love it.

In what way? Oh, you want me to explain that more? Oh, well, you know, you got the buildings that are the same as in Sesame Street. You got trash people. You got men who live in trash cans. Remember that man who lived under a rush. Did you remember that story? I do.

I do, actually. That's so Sesame Street, the rug man. That's so funny. And then, like, you kind of see the same people and you go to the same coffee shops and you, like, can build community that way. L.A. is a little harder. It's kind of like the Midwest where you have to, like, seek community and, like, invest time with, like, your friendships and whatnot. And it's, I think, a little bit more work than in New York because you, like, run into people all the time. But I don't know.

Sometimes it's a change. really shakes things up and makes life fun. And one thing I took Solison when I did move, like when I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to make the move from New York to L.A., people in New York were also like, New York will always be here. Yes. If you ever want to go back, you can. It will always be there. And also so will of any other city. Like, you can come to L.A. for five years or whatever. And if you're like, actually, I've had enough of this, I want to go back to New York, you can go back to New York. Yeah, it's Estimmy Street exists on a lot of different platforms.

But it'll always be there. Elma will always be there for you. And yeah, I will say I miss the walking culture of New York and being able to run into people and kind of like leapfrog to different adventures if you wanted to. But I will say, I'm so glad I had that experience in my 20s. And I'm glad to be here in L.A. in my 30s and beyond because I like going home. I like having a car. I like having a yard. I like, it feels comfier here. But also I'm sure people have comfy experiences in New York. But that just wasn't my experience. I feel like when I think about my life in New York, I'm like, damn, I get exhausted.

I'm like, I can't believe I was running around like that. That's crazy. Truly. Running around at all times. And whenever I go back to New York, I'm like, ooh, Lord. I'm, this is a young woman's game. Truly. Remember we went to the wrong movie theater in New York? Oh, yes. We got all the way there and they were like, that's not where the screening is. And we were like, oh, no.

And then we got into another cab and we got there and he was like, left or right. And then I just looked at you and went, left or right. Good adventures happen in the city. Truly, yeah. But also, a friend can scream at you anyway. And believe you, me, I'll never stop screaming at you. And I hope you never do. I hope you scream at me forever.

Solved. Oh, did we solve it? Yeah. Also, she kept being like, or I don't know the gender of this person, but they were like, you know, they were fearful of going to a place they've never been to or like moving to a place they've never been to. Visit. Go with your partner for their job interview. Interview, yeah, and then like walk around.

I can't walk. Drive around L.A. Rent a car, bitch. We're in a car, check some spots out, like, see some touristy things, some non-torcy things, and be like, get an idea of it. Yeah. And see what's up. Spend the day in Venice.

I love Venice. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Something's going on in every corner. Just open your eye. Just a basketball game. Open another eye on a street before. Why do you have to be?

To use one night at a time, why can't you... Because it's Venice. Just turn your head. No! Oh no, I said it and then I committed. Nice. Sal. Sal.

Hi, Nicole and Sashir. So happy the podcast is back. I definitely missed it during the hiatus. I also love that it's now available on video so I can see the dreamy, creamy outfit. I have a situation that I don't quite know how to handle. I had the same best friend. Let's call her Maria. from high school until our mid-30s.

Maria has always been the type of friend that would drop hints about making plans, expecting, and expect me to do the planning. This went on for years, and I had the mindset of, oh, that's just how she is, and let it go. The last time we spent time together was two years ago,

even though we live about 20 minutes apart. She would often call and text me, but never asked me about my life. I told her I scheduled surgery, and she never asked when it was. That was the last time we had plans, She canceled and didn't make any effort to reschedule. Throughout our friendship, Maria would make backhanded comments to me

and Little Diggs when I was excited about something that didn't involve her. Last summer, she sent me a drunken voice memo in which she said her partner was the only one in the world she trusts and emphasized she trusted no one else. She drinks quite often and then claims she doesn't remember the mean things she says when I bring it up to her later because it hurt my feelings. At that point, I realized I didn't need to feel this way, and it wasn't an equal friendship, and I started to distance myself. I didn't completely ghost and would answer if it was something important. She's now planning her wedding and sent a text saying, asking if I wanted to come and to send

my address, but she didn't know why I was so distant. I was honest and I told her I felt we'd grown apart, we haven't spent that much time together in years, and that we don't have things in common anymore. I emphasize that I would always have love and appreciation for the things we went through together. Here's the issue. She simply will not accept this. She has sent me paragraphs weekly about how she put in effort and I never did, how she's been my biggest supporter in life, how she's done nothing to deserve this. She didn't ask to have a conversation or even acknowledge what I said about growing apart or having things in common. She just redirected to all the things I've done wrong and that she's done right and used guilt to try to make me feel bad. She's now DM'd my older brother and tried to get him

involved in the whole thing. She keeps sending me reels on Facebook, Snapchats, and Instagram messages, all to which I haven't replied. I'm super uncomfortable with all of this, but I'm worried that blocking her on everything will make her reach out to more of my family or a few mutual friends to try to get them involved. I genuinely just wanted to have a clean break from the friendship and I don't want to be a part of her wedding. She doesn't have many close friends and I suspect some of this is coming from a place of having no one to plan or pay for things like a bachelorette party and wedding shower. At this point, I feel like saying anything else would just cause back and forth. What should I do? Block her, keep ignoring. Any advice will be appreciated.

That's tough. Yeah. It also seems like this person not to diagnose them is a narcissist and they're doing a narcissist smear campaign. Do you know what that is? No. So a narcissist, when you're in a relationship with them, when a relationship ends, they tend to reach out to people who know you to be like, they did this wild thing. They're treating me X, Y, and Z. So then when you finally go to that person, you're like, oh, X, Y, and Z did something. They're like, well, they actually told me you were being bad. And then, it makes you seem like you're not the victim and this person wasn't being an asshole to you because they got to them first.

And that's what she was doing, DMing her brother. Yeah. And being like, oh, they, da-da-da-da. And then you have to have a conversation with your sibling going, no, actually they did X, Y, and Z. And it's like, and if you don't have proof, they told them first. So like, it makes that person go, who do I believe? Yeah. This narcissist or this person who's good but didn't say anything.

So I don't know. And it's like to cause distortion. Yeah. So you can't get ahead of it because then you seem like the crazy, and that's what they want. They want you to feel crazy. They want you to like react and engage. So I honestly think it's like don't engage. I think, I don't think block them because you always want to see a bitch coming.

You don't want to get blindsided. So that's why I will not ever block somebody because I'm like, if you're coming for me, I want to see it. But you can mute somebody. Yes. You can mute somebody on Instagram. You can, I think you can like at least hide notifications on your phone. So they're not, they don't know you're not getting the notifications. Yeah.

And I think that's it. Like, yeah. I think that's it. I think, I mean, if you really want, take a screenshot. of what you said to them and then screenshots of these paragraphs if they go to your friend and you're like, well, here's actually

what this person said, but like you shouldn't have to fucking do that. Oh, no. I don't even think this person needs to justify anything to anybody. Like Yeah, I think you're right. If I was the brother and I got a message from my sister's friend. I'd be like, okay, Looney too. Like, okay, that

something's off. Something's a foot. Yeah. Like, I don't think anyone in this person's life has got to be like, Oh, really? Like, I was just thinking of like mutual friends and whatnot. But apparently they've been distant for a while. Yeah, two years, yeah. So I'm sure people in the writer's life already already knows that there has been a sever.

And now this person's coming back in the life and saying a lot of information. I'm like, oh, no. That doesn't sound right. Yeah. And it seems like this person's trying to pressure them into, doing wedding stuff by being like, I'm a great fucking friend, be my bridesma. And I was like, well, ma'am, no. Yeah, like, after that, why on, you think after you bully somebody, they're going to be like, you know what, you're right. I absolutely want to hang out with you for a full day and

months before that. And spend money on a dress and spend money on a destination. That's probably how this person got engaged. You will marry me. Maybe. Or else. Yeah, I... It also just sucks, because it don't have to be like that. No. It could have just been like a, you know what? We have grown apart.

I agree. We haven't spoken in two years. Wish you well. Yeah. We live 20 minutes away and haven't seen each other in two years and now you want me in your wedding. Yeah. But she probably is having an existential thing being like, wait, who are my friends?

Who will I have, like, a part of my wedding or whatever? And I guess is realizing that they probably pushed a lot of people away. Yeah, that sucks. I'm sorry this person is going through that. That's really stressful. But yeah, I think, do you not engage? Yeah. Don't go to that wedding.

Don't do anything. That person's not your friend. Yeah, yeah. I think you don't have to even respond. You really made it very clear already. Yuck. Tut to. Tuh.

We don't like her. Mm-mm. I mean, I hope she finds peace and I hope she has a good wedding without you. She won't. She's miserable. A miserable bit. I'm kidding. We don't know this later.

I don't know her. But I am on the side of our listener. I am too. She's our friend. Yeah. We love her. Yeah. Or them.

Them. Don't know. This person. This person. Yeah. Also, I realized my necklace was like this like the whole time we were recording. Oh, I didn't even notice. Oh, ASMR.

Solved. Well, we've come to the end. Yes, if you have any questions or queries for us. Yes, I've enjoyed our time together. Okay. Oh, I've enjoyed our time together too. Sashira and Nicole at gmail.com or flip it around. Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com.

And then that number is 323. 238-554. 5-4. All right, Nicole. All right. It's been lovely. It's been lovely. Until next time.

Good night to you. Good night, world. And all your loved ones. Bye. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan.

And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode. episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full

video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.