Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Doesn't Have A Favorite Color LIVE (Re-Release)

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival! We discuss the size of pyramids, Sasheer meeting Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, the app Sasheer tells if she’s horny, pornhub - ever heard of it?, if Sasheer would travel 16 hours for a hot dog, and if Nicole got power hungry on the set of Nailed It. They take a quiz to find what bird they would be in another life, and learn if having a duck is feasible for Nicole. They answer listener questions about an office threesome, mushroom birthday presents, and lots of wonderful questions from our audience!  Here is the quiz we took this week: https://www.quizyourfriends.com/what-bird-would-you-be-in-another-life/ Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail]424-645-7003  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/friends.

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["Squid Game Theme Song"] ["Squid Game Theme Song"] ["Squid Game Theme Song"] ["Squid Game Theme Song"] ["Squid Game Theme Song"] A couch. Yes, I know how luxurious. We've never had a couch before for one of our shows.

Oh my God. You can really stretch out. This is nice. This is nice! This is nice! This is cushy. I will say, this cushion's a little thin. It's a bit, I do feel the wood underneath it. Yeah, it feels very woody.

Woody, yeah. Well, thank you guys for coming out. Thank you guys for coming! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys see the fire truck outside? There was two. There was?

Yeah. Oh, that's why there were so many firemen. I was just like, they were all on that one truck. And it turns out, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was two. And a ladder was extended. I saw that and I walked under it. And one of them was yeah, yeah. No. It was a two. There was two. And a ladder was extended.

I saw that and I walked under it. And one of them was like, oh, fuck. Walking under a ladder is bad luck. I thought that was just like in your house. I guess I never heard specifically where the ladder had to be. I just thought it was any ladder you walk under is bad luck. Oh, Kimmy, can you, thank you. I don't want bad luck.

I don't want you to have bad luck. Then take it back. That, you know what? It is, it wasn't in your house, so it's fine. Thank you. It was one of those outdoor ladders, so it's no rules. I just like... I don't know. Like, why is it bad luck to step under a ladder anyway?

Well, why is it bad luck to, like, step on a crack? Because you'll break your mama's back. Right, but that's, like, one of those things that they say, I think. There actually might be a story behind it. But that one rhymes. Oh yeah, I guess I've never heard a rhyme for the ladder. Step under a ladder, it gets badder.

You'll burst your bladder. Oh my god, this is huge! I'm like in the computer. Walking under a ladder is considered as bad luck. This superstition is 5,000 years old? Started in Egypt. Oh, no. When a ladder leaning on a wall,

it creates a triangle or a pyramid shape, which is a sacred sign in Egypt. So Egyptians considered walking under the pyramid as bad luck. Whoa. Fuck. Am I like cursed now? Cause that was like the size of a real pyramid, I think. I don't know.

I think pyramids are a little bit bigger. You think? Have you been? I haven't been, but I'm guessing. Has anyone been to a pyramid? A couple hands. Okay, you're close. How big are they?

They're bigger than this. Okay, great. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. That's all I needed to know. Yeah, that's all I wanted to know. They're bigger than this theater.

Do you need to explain what this is? Oh, this is a live... This is a live recording of our podcast. Yes, from sunny downtown. From what? Sunny downtown LA. Yes, from beautiful downtown LA. A region theater. Yeah, this is for the Netflix is a Joke Festival.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Which is why we have a couch and a huge screen. If the screen is too big. No, it's good. You think it's good? I mean, I can see more of it. Oh, I can see a lot of it.

Oh, we're there. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. I don't know, I feel like I'm in the TV Oh, we're there. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. I don't know. I feel like I'm in the TV or in the computer and I don't like that, which is ironic. Sometimes you are in the TV or the computer. I know.

I know, that's why it's so ironic. Yaw. Yaw. Yaw. Yaw. Yaw. I don't know. And then this couch, I don't know.

Is this like a Netflix branded couch? It matches all the red. It does match all the red. I got to go on a Netflix jet once. Yes, so did I. Oh yeah, you were with me. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Sitting right next to you, yes. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I truly was like, when and why did you tell me?

Today I woke up, I opened Instagram, Sashir was in a picture with Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda and Kelly Clarkson, and I went, oh my God, does Sashir know she met, like she has a picture with these people? And then I was like, wait, are these her new friends and she didn't tell me? And then I was like, what the fuck?

And then I was like, oh, she posted it. So then I called her and I was like, what the fuck? And then I was like, oh, she posted it. So then I called her. And I was like, I went through so many emotions. Boy, oh boy, whenever I think you're creeping behind me, you're not. Yeah, I wasn't gathering new friends. In fact, all I did was talk about you. Okay, that brings me joy. Thank you.

What did you say? So Lily, so I did the Kelly Clarkson show, it came out today, and thank you so much. That was my first time, and Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda were talking about Grace and Frankie. Yeah. And they were talking about the- One person likes Grace and Frankie. A lot. Wow.

And they were talking about their friendship that has spanned over decades and their whole career. And it was really nice and cool to listen to. And then I got out there and we kept talking about friendship and Kelly was like, do you have any friends in the biz? And I was like, my best friend, Nicole. And it was talking about how we met through comedy

and how we just really enjoy working together and writing together. And I looked at Jane and Lily and I was like, I hope that we have a everlasting relationship, working and friendship as long as you guys do. That's so nice. Why wasn't I invited to the taping? You were actually invited to the next taping I was on

because of that. Because I was talking about you and hot dogs. I... We also talked about hot dogs. So they were like, we got to have you back. So they built a whole other episode based on my interview. And so then they brought you on, another set of best friends,

Kelly and her best friend. And then we all made hot dogs together. I do remember that. that hasn't aired yet. No, not yet. It was wild. Yeah. Kelly was like, so she likes hot dogs. And I was like, so now we're all going to make hot dogs for a Sashire. I mean, I did enjoy it. You were the happiest one on stage.

And everyone was like, bite it. And everyone was like, and you were like, and then backstage, someone tried to take your hot dog. And everyone was like, bite in, and everyone was like, mm. And you were like... And then backstage, someone tried to take your hot dog, and you got really upset. I just didn't know what they were gonna do with it. Hold it! They said they would hold it. And you looked at that person

like they were gonna murder your mother. You were so mad at the thought of giving up your dog. Yeah. I also asked for mine to be bacon wrapped in advance. It was so wild. You were the only one with a bacon wrap hot dog. They said, what do you want on it? I was like, can you wrap it in bacon? And they're like, yeah, we can. And I was like, well, that's what I want.

I was just like, give me a hot dog and I'll slam it. I will say, we've talked about this on the podcast before. I have now, now in my age, I've been getting migraines, and I looked up like what to avoid, to avoid migraines, and hot dogs was on the top of the list. It's sad. And I will say, since I have decreased my hot dog intake, I have not had any migraines.

Okay, here's the thing, I'm gonna stop you right there. It is not on you to eat less hot dogs. It is on science to catch up. Thank you. Thank you so much. Science needs to fucking figure out how my friend continues to eat hot dogs. Thank you.

You're welcome. Yeah. They figure out how to take gluten out of stuff. Yes. They take whatever the migraine thing is out of there. Yes, take the headaches out of the're welcome. Yeah. They figure out how to take gluten out of stuff. Yes. They take whatever the migraine thing is out of there. Yes, take the headaches out of the hot dogs. Yes. Let's write a letter to Bill Gates. He's fixing shit.

Yeah. Right? Is... I don't know. I don't know either. Isn't he? He must be. He has so much money. He has so much money. And he's not buying Twitter or nothing, like, so he's using it for something good?

I would hope so. I don't know. Imagine having that much money. So, Shia, imagine you have that much money. Okay. What would you do? Tomorrow you wake up and you're like, Bill Gates fucking rich.

What would you do? Um, I would... maybe... Oh, that's so hard, because there's, like, so many things to, like, take care maybe... Oh, it's so hard, because there's, like, so many things to, like, take care of. Oh. Like, in the world. Oh, yeah.

Ah! And I guess for myself, too, it's like, I don't know. Like, do I want to help someone in my family? Do I want to help my community? Do I want to help, I don't know, science? I can't believe that's where your mind went. Wait, where's your mind going? I was like, I'm going to hire six muscly men

to just be in my home. Are they doing anything in your home? They're just in your home. We'll have that conversation later. First, you've got to get them there. Yeah, I've just got to get them there, and then they'll, like, clean up for me and stuff. That's my first, first like order of business.

Second order of business, I'm gonna get all the cars that I want. You do want so many cars. I know. And then third order of business, I guess, yeah, then I'll be like, hey world, what's up? Hmm. And the hunger in places. And the hunger. I think that's, isn't that what Elon Musk,

he like asked the UN. Yeah, he was like, what do I need to do? How much would it cost to end world hunger or something? And then he's like, you know what, I'm going to buy Twitter instead. What a funny prank, though, to be like, I'm going to end world hunger. And everyone gets really excited. And he was like, just kidding. I. I'm gonna buy something fully not tangible. I'm gonna buy something that actually empties people.

Actually takes away from you. I like Twitter. That's how I get my news. Yeah. Sometimes it's correct. It's a roll of the dice. Sometimes it's correct. Yeah. And sometimes I'll say something to somebody and they're like, no, Nicole. And I'm like, oh, okay. Okay. You got me. Thank you so much. Sorry about it.

Yeah. It's hard. It's hard to stay abreast. Mm-hmm. Well, we also have the news app on your phone. So this app is for the news. Really? Yeah, yeah. It just says news.

Really? Yeah. I don says news. Really? Yeah. I don't think I've ever opened that. There's the news there. Interesting. Here's something I learned recently. I don't have to use a period tracker that I pay for. My phone will track it for me for free. So why are there apps that you have to pay for if your phone does it for free?

Because they do other stuff. I was using the phone tracker. It was just already there, which was fine. But then I, now I'm paying for one. And it just, it like predicts it a little better. And there's more categories, like how you feel, do you have acne, are you bloated, what did you eat, are you horny, like all these different specifications.

You go, oh I'm horny, like my second day of the period? You tell your phone you're horny? I tell this app that I'm horny, yeah. I'm sure my phone is like, we gotta. It's like Monday, horny, Tuesday horny. You're horny every fucking day. I am horny every fucking day. And last night I was on Pornhub.com.

Ever heard of it? No, I'm a good Christian girl. Well, that's where all the porn lies. And I found this like like, really hot couple. Yeah. And then I just, like, fell into a hole and was just, like, just watching them have sex all night. Oh, they have, like, multiple videos.

Oh, they have so many. Nice. And he has ex-girlfriend videos, so I've got to see the evolution of how he fucks and his relationship. So he's the main character. He is the main character, which is what? Disappointing.

Yeah. But you can see that there's a lot more love happening currently. So he's the main character. He is the main character, which is what? Disappointing. Yeah. But you can see that there's a lot more love happening. Currently, that's nice. I like that. Yeah, it is really nice. Like the older videos, you're just like, you're just fucking and like, there's no love behind the thrusting. And then later videos, you're like, wow, they're really in sync.

And then later videos, you're like, wow, they're really in sync. That's sweet. Did the production quality improve over time? Sure didn't. Got worse. The last video I watched, they had set an iPhone up, I think, on a pillow, and, like, mid-thrust, it fell over on the covers. And then he was like,

and then it like, they popped it back up. And then they both like looked in the camera and then like looked into each other's eyes. And then they were like, and then they started again. Oh, I don't want anyone to look at the camera. Oh my God.

I think, I think they were trying to make sure that like I wasn't mad. And like, I think they were trying to make sure that like, I wasn't mad and like, I was. Are you like that? They're like, are you okay? Sorry, please keep watching. I think they were checking in with me.

It's like porn office style. Like a Mike Schurr show. They're just like, occasionally look at the camera, like, can you get a load of this? I would watch it because, as you know, I started watching The Office. Yeah, you love The Office. You guys, I don't know if you've heard,

but The Office is great, and I think Steve Carell, there's something about him. He's got a bright future ahead of him. He really does. Yeah. Are there any office heads here? How dumb. But like, what season did you fall off?

Season 8. Season 8. Two? Who said two? Who? What the fuck? They weren't into it. What do you mean two? They weren't into it.

What do you mean two? They weren't into it. Okay, why, why two? It didn't stick. Okay, fair. Fair, so you, okay. Yeah. I think, watched the last two episodes of season two,

it's already kind of set up. And then season three is really fun. And I really like season four and season five, boy. Watch the last two episodes of season two. It's already kind of set up. And then season three is really fun. And I really like season four and season five. Boy. Okay. And then I stopped at season six because I feel like it lost a little bit of what I liked about it.

Which was? Can't articulate it. Okay. How many seasons are there? Nine. There's nine? Wow, they all got paid. Yeah.

That's a lot of fucking seasons. Yeah. One could only hope. I would do nine seasons of a television series. Who do we talk to? I mean, we're doing Netflix as a joke. Is he here? Mr. Netflix.

Mr. Netflix. Yeah. One day. One day. Someone's sitting nailed it. I heard you. Yeah, how many? Yeah, there's been a bunch of seasons of Nailed It already. I think seven. You're pretty close to nine. Oh my God! Ah! I hope we make it to nine. It's a fun show to do. I really like make it tonight.

It's a fun show to do. I really like it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh. Y'all watch it? They're good. I did an episode.

You did. Finally. I know. Well, they had asked you and then you were unavailable. Wow. Sorry, she's busy. She's too busy. And then you were available.

It was delightful. It was so delightful. It was so funny. At. Sorry, she's busy. She's too busy. And then you were available and it was delightful. It was so delightful. It was so funny. At one point, Jacques was like, I'm just going to be quiet. The two of you have such a rapport.

Ha ha ha ha ha. And I did like feel bad, but I was just like, ding ding ding ding ding, my friend is here. I felt like, it was like, bring your mom to school. Is that a thing? No. Bring your mom to work? No, wait.

You always like bring your kid to work. I just want to bring my mom somewhere. I felt like it was like bring your kid to work. Yeah. Not that I'm your mom. Maybe I want to be a mom. I don't know. But I was like, this is my friend.

Say hello to her. I mean, I did feel like your kid. But I was like, this is my friend, say hello to her. I mean, I did feel like your kid, because I was like, what else is going on? You're like showing me around, introducing me to people. And you were just like the queen of the castle. Yeah, it's my castle. Everyone's so nice to me. I demand things and they bring it.

I once, well, no, not all the time. I asked Wes for a lasagna once and that was not delivered. Damn, I'm sorry. I also asked for a cake from the Madonna Inn, which is in San Upsie Loopsie, which is three hours away. And I argued with Wes and the producers for like 15 minutes.

I was like, just have a Tass Rabbit drive an hour and a half. I have a PA drive an hour and a half. Me in the middle, I'm bringing my fucking cake. And they were like, we're making a television show, Nicole. I don't know, I really wanted that cake. You're drunk with power. Do you think?

I mean, it's a funny thing to request, but ridiculous to expect. Really? Yeah. But I want the cake. But it is not adding to the actual show in any way. Yes, it is. How?

I go three hours later, here's my cake. And then everyone gets to watch me eat it. I guess that is drunk with power. Yeah. But the thing is, like, I came up with, like, a good way to get it. Okay. And I feel like that was negated,

like that wasn't honored. It was good for you, but there's a whole team of people trying to produce a television show and they don't have time to figure out how to get you a cake from three hours away. Especially when they're feeding you cake all day. It's not good cake.

No. Compared to the Madonna and cake, it's not the same. Have you guys had Madonna and cake? Oh, my God, it's so fucking good. It's the pink champagne cake. Oh, my God. I could come right now. I think it's so delicious.

And I don't want to drive the three hours to get it. Yeah. I thought it was... I swear to God. If you say it's not delicious, I don't know. I'll hurt you. We thought it was delicious. I would never hurt you.

Well, you didn't get the pink champagne cake. I tried it. Oh! And I thought it was fine. I didn't think it was three hour journey good. Okay, so what do you think is three hour journey good? Hmm. I don't know if I would travel that far for food.

There's food around me. I once waited three hours for fried chicken, and it was the most delicious fried chicken I've ever had. I love the journey of getting food. Yeah, I don't want it if it's easy. Don't just put it on a plate for me. Let me hunch for it. Okay. All right. Yeah, I guess I can't really think when I'm hungry,

so I just need it to be done. I don't... There's, like, nothing food-wise that you would, like, murder someone for or, like, push someone out of the way. Um... Nothing food wise that you would like murder someone for or like push someone out of the way. What was that? I think you're right, hot dog.

I mean, I just know that I can find an option closer or like I don't have to kill for it. I waited in line for two hours for a pizza, and again... Okay. It was okay. All right, it's the end of times. End of times. It's a zombie fucking apocalypse.

Okay. A zombie is coming at you with a hot dog. There's no more hot dogs left here. This is the last hot dog on fucking Earth. Would you murder the zombie for the hot dog? I think I would murder the zombie to get the zombie out of the picture. I think I just don't want the zombie to be here. OK, that was a bad that was a bad one.

OK, it's the end of times. We're back at the end of time. The end of time. Yes. Everything is bad and like dusty and everyone's dead and shit. And it's like me, you, a couple other of our babes, and we get a phone call. We're like, oh my God, our phones work again. And it's this mysterious voice that's like,

okay, you have to travel for 16 hours to get the last hot dog. Do you want it? Are we going to go on a road trip or not? Do we have food? No. Well then yeah, we have to go get it. Of course we have to get it.

So what you're saying is you would travel 16 hours for a hot dog, thank you. I rest my case, Your Honor. No, but the... But with those parameters... All right. Yeah, I would travel 16 hours for a hot dog. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. up. Yeah. I have one especially for you, Nicole. Oh, my word. What bird would you be in another life? Absolutely. If I don't get duck, I'll die. I would like that one, please. Thank you. I really will die if I don't get a duck. Quiz your friends dot com.'ve never heard of this one.

It's great. Maybe they're trying to defund Buzzfeed. Yeah. Okay. Who do you travel with? Myself. A pair. A small group.

A flock. Parenthesis loads. Loads. I don't. A pair. I usually travel with you. Agreed. Yeah.. I don't. A pair, I usually travel with you.

Agreed, yeah. But I'm thinking I should say, no, a pair. Yes, that's true. Wait, what were you gonna say? I was gonna say flock, because that's bird language. But it's gonna say, I'm gonna be a bird regardless. Yeah, you have to.

That's the conceit of the whole quiz. I got worried that I wasn't going to be a bird. I'm like, you're just you, not a bird. Be so sad. OK, so you as well, so sure. Yes. Also a pair. Which stat do you value the most? Skill, speed or agility, Beauty. Speed or distance. Strength.

Well, I do like Sonic. And he can go the distance. So I'm going to say speed, distance. That's a weird way to do that. Wait, what do I admire? Skill. Oh, what do I admire? Skill. Oh, so not speed. Well, I decided to not go with sonic logic

and go with human logic. Well, this is also about birds. Okay, great. Speed, distance. I think I like agility. Oh. Okay, here's the thing. I don't think I know what agility means. Does it mean like moving fast Agility. Oh. OK, here's the thing. I don't think I know what agility means.

Does it mean like moving fast without knocking shit over? I think so, like being agile. Maybe like being able to, you can't use the word and the definition. Like, uh, like bobbing and weaving, not hitting trees. Oh my god. Oh, I told you this, a bird hit my window in my house. I just heard a thud and then it looked like a cartoon. It was just like a splatter of feathers.

I think they're okay. I didn't see the, I didn't see a carcass or anything. Okay, good. Yeah. I have birds who live at my house. They found these buckets and they live in the buckets. And a baby bird hatched today, and they left the fucking eggshell on the ground.

I was like, you live here too. Fucking clean up. How do you travel? Clumsily. Perfectly. Quickly. Marathon. I don't.

I mean, I fall down a lot. So I guess I'd say clumsily. I really do fall down. I would agree with clumsily. Yeah. I fell today. Uh... Mm.

I got twisted up in my blanket, and I fell right down. When was this? This was today. I was sitting on my couch, I was playing on my phone, I was like, I gotta get up, and then I don't know how, but the blankets were twisted at my feet, and I fell forward, and I fell all the way down. Yeah. And then Clyde stared at me. Damn.

You fell in front of me at a show recently. We were in a bar, and she was walking down the hallway and your purse hit a wall that was already there. My body hit the wall. Your body hit the wall. And then you just went all the way down to the floor. It took me out. It really did.

There's like a sweet spot between my butt and my mid back where if you hit it, I go down. It's like your Achilles heel, your Achilles back. I think... Oh! It fell right down! You're already safe! In front of all these people! I have fallen out of chairs.

You've seen that. That's true, that's true. Oh, boy, I'm always on the ground. How do I travel? I travel... Perfectly. I don't think that's true. I think you travel rather quickly. How do I travel? I travel... Perfectly. I don't think that's true. I think you travel rather quickly.

Sometimes your little feet are going. I guess quickly, yeah. And I like short trips. What is your favorite season? Autumn. Summer. Winter. Spring.

I want to say summer because like, sun's out, sun's out. Spring. Mm. I want to say summer because, like, sun's out, sun's out, fucking we're at the beach. Yeah. But, like, it's too hot. Yeah. Winter. Too cold. Okay. Laughter

Autumn. Too many leaves. Sure. Laughter Sometimes you trip on the leaves and fall down. Oh. Or like slip on them or whatever. Because they're slippery, yeah. Yeah.

I think I'm going to say spring, because I don't really fall down in the spring. This is all just based on what's going to make you fall down. I will say autumn. I like fall. It's pretty. I like when the leaves turn. I don't think I knew this about you.

Is autumn your favorite season? Yeah, it is. What's your favorite month? Ooh, wow. I don't know if I've thought about that. Okay, so you have September. Sure. October.

Uh-huh. And part of November. Yeah. I do like August. Is that fall? or is it summer? August? No. August is summer.

Really? The beginning? Is it the whole month is summer? Or just like the beginning of summer? The whole month is summer. Cause children aren't in school in August. They go back in the fall. Autumn.

I thought I went back to school in August. You did? That's what I thought I did. I went back to school in August. You did? That's what I thought I did. I went back to school in September. Oh, no. Is New Jersey failing us? Oh, okay. September. Okay. So I was right.

You were right. September 22nd. That's late. That's pretty late. September 1st through the 21st, that's summer? That's sick. Wow. That is sick. So when does winter start?

When does winter start? What is it? How do people just know when winter starts? It's my favorite day to do shrooms. It's your favorite day to do shrooms? December 21st? On the equinox. Whoa. Okay. Is your favorite day to do shrooms? December 21st? On the equinox. Whoa.

Okay. That's not a bad idea. Seems random. No, it's very planned actually. It's very precise. I guess you're right. Why that day? Oh.

Okay. Okay, so if you didn't hear, she does mushrooms on the summer equinox and the winter equinox. We all do? I mean, I will now. All right, yeah. And then they do a vegan detox, a lot of preparation. I just eat drugs.

I don't ever prep. Someone goes, you want it? And I go, yum, yum, yum, yum. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think about it beforehand. Maybe we should empty ourselves.

Get the toxins out. Yeah, before we fill ourselves with other toxins. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, thank you. What's your favorite color? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, thank you. What's your favorite color? White.

Blue. Green. Brown. Red. Rainbow. Gray. Yours is not up here. No, it's not.

Yours is purple. Yes. Yours is up here. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, which one is it? I'm just waiting on you to answer. Okay, well, I know it's not white. Okay.

I know it's not blue. Okay. I know it's not rainbow. Right. And I know it's not gray. Okay. I know it's not blue. Okay. I know it's not rainbow. Right. And I know it's not gray. Okay. It could be red, because I think you like burgundies. I do like burgundies.

And it could be brown, because you do like a burnt sienna. Yes. And it could be green, because you like sage. Yeah. But I'm going to say red is your favorite color. No, I'm wrong. Oh, no. How do I not know this? I'm devastated.

It's not green. No, it's brown. We're brown, people. No, it's not brown. It's not brown. It's red. You love red. Red is your favorite color.

You're wearing it currently. It's red. What's your favorite color. You're wearing it currently. It's red. What's your favorite color? We've been through this. Oh no. I don't know you. No, it's okay. I kind of don't really have a favorite color.

Thank God. I like gold. Yes. But I think- And that's not up here. And that's not up there. And I enjoy wearing orange. Yes. Which is also not up there.

Okay. So it's not there. I was wrong. But maybe I'll say, maybe I'll say red. It's close to orange. Okay. Yeah. So you were right.

Yes. Thank you. I needed that. And I'm going to say rainbow. Yeah. Okay. Oh, it's calculated. Give me a duck.

This is Sashir. Oh, I'm a bald eagle. I am bald. You are bald. Wow. Strong, fast and the king of birds you are not someone to mess with. Yes!

All right. I like that. How American of you. I love my country. We're also involved in. There's also a bald eagle. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Also, it might be propaganda, because I also got bald eagle when I took it. Whoa. It's actually quiz your fox and friends. Beep, beep, boop, boop. There we go. Yeah, there we go. I'm devastated. I don't want to be a bald eagle. I'm sorry you're not a duck. Thank you for understanding. Yeah.

I was like really excited about it. I'm sorry you're not a duck. Thank you for understanding. Yeah. I was like really excited about it. I know. Just a cute little duck. Yeah, I was trying to figure out if I could own a duck and you can own a duck, but they like living in pairs and they shit every 15 minutes.

Aw. And I don't have that stamina. Yeah. To like chase a duck around, scooping shit. And they can't like, chase a duck around scooping shit? And they can't, like, go in a litter box? From what I've read, no. And you have to, like, just let them shit. Oh, I wouldn't want that.

And you can't put a diaper on. I Googled, and it was like, I wouldn't. And I was like, but like, what have I done? What have I got, like, cute little disposable diapers for my duck? Did they say why they wouldn't put a diaper on a duck? It was like something like that's just not how they live and it's inhumane and they like being outside and it's like, don't do that, it's just wrong, you know? Oh, I see, I see, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like the whole internet, all of Google was like really adamantly against me getting a duck. Oh wait, you can. So, okay, seven people have said you could do it. I would like to see the video. Yeah, how to, there's a how to diaper a duck instructional video from Tyrant Farms. What is Tyrant Farms?

I just like, I would feel bad if my duck was like mad at me. You know? Like if my duck was like, you ripped me away from my home. I was like chilling and you fucking swaddled me up in a diaper to like live inside your house. Yeah. That would make me sad. I tried to, I guess have a duck when I was little. There was a duck's nest on this median in my cul de sac, and there was a bunch of eggs

there, but no mama duck. And a bunch of kids on my street, we saw, I can't remember how old I was, but maybe seven, maybe, I don't know. And we were like, oh, we'll take care of these eggs. And we each took an egg and took it home. And I like wrapped it in a sweater and put it under my bed. And I was like, I'm going to raise a duck. And then my mom found the sweater and was like, what is this egg doing here?

And I was like, oh, a duck. This will be a duck one day. And she's like, no, I want this. Duck is dead. Like we don't have enough warmth to incubate it. And then I was like, well, we can put it back on the nest. And she's like, no, because your human hands touched it. The mama ducks got to smell it. It's never going to come back to the nest.

Your mother told you that as a child? She did. She looked me in the eye and said, you killed a duck. I love your mother. She sugarcoats nothing. Not a thing. That's wild. I would never tell a child that I'd be like, maybe not this duck, maybe the next time around. And then I guess throw away the egg. Wait, did you crack it?

Did you see if there was any yolks? Wait, do ducks have yolks? Do we eat duck yolk? Yeah. We eat duck yolk? We can. You can? Yeah.

In what context? I don't know. How come everyone knows when fucking winter happens and that you can eat duck, yo? We have a really smart audience. I've never fucking had scrambled duck. I've never been to brunch and like on the menu was scrambled duck. Oh, I guess it comes like that. What is that?

Poached duck? A poached duck egg? Interesting. A salted duck egg. I would not taste it, I don't think. But maybe I would. Ooh. This is diaper in a duck? Yes.

I would like to see how to diaper a duck, please. Oh my God, look at the duck. Oh my God, look at the... It's got suspenders! Oh my God, that duck is trying to escape. The duck does not want to put a diaper on, oh no. It sure doesn't. Oh, they're clamping this duck down. Oh my, oh wait, maybe that duck's trying

to get into the harness. Oh, he can't wait to get in the harness. That duck is like, you better give me my fucking diaper so I can take a shit. Interesting. Oh my God, the way she's holding this duck's neck! She choked the duck, put this harness around his neck, wrapping it under its belly slash hole, I guess, and that's...

His hole! There's a hole down there. This is a lot. I think this duck has trauma. Oh, and it's going over the tail part. Okay. This doesn't look like it fits. Oh, and then they're snapping it.

Oh, no. And then they snap it on. I don't know about this. Oh, this duck looks so uncomfortable. And now they're massaging the butt part? Oh, no. Oh, no, this duck hates it. Okay, Kimmy, that's enough.

Yeah, actually. I can't do that. That's inhumane. Google was right. I can't have a duck. [♪ music playing, fades out, music playing again. [♪ music playing, fades out, music playing again. Wait, so, Sheer, should we solve the problem? Did you get an eyebrow pencil?

I have used an eyebrow pencil, yeah. Did you use one today? Yeah, I did. Wow. Does it look good? They look great. Thank you. They're like thick, full, fierce, snatched.

You look good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I got some glitter on my eyelids, too. Thank you. They're like thick, full, fierce, snatched. You look good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I got some glitter on my eyelids too. I know, I meant to comment on that earlier. I really like it. Thanks. It's really cute.

What brand eyebrow pencil are you using? Oh, oh, I can't remember. You know, I just get stuff for free and I'm just like, thank you. I don't really know how to shop for makeup. But like if I finish a show, they'll be like, we're either going to throw this away because we used it on your face or you can take it.

And I'll just take it. Well, it's good. Thanks. I really like it. Thank you. But you just got a new eyebrow pencil, right? I did. And I really had to rush through it.

So they're not as nice as I'd like them to be. OK, you guys, so Gucci, if you have the money, has a wonderful makeup line. They have if you have like combination skin, the foundation is really good. And the eyebrow pencil is like butter. It fucking like glides over your fucking head. And it's great. I love it. Wow. Yeah.

I can't say enough. The lipsticks don't like. Oh, OK. Don't like. They're not good. But they have other good stuff. Yeah. So many't say enough. The lipsticks don't like. Oh, okay. Don't like. They're not good. But they have other good stuff. Yeah, so many other good stuff. It's as if Gucci's doing ads on this podcast and they're not...

And they won't give me anything for free, I've asked. Oh, the lip bar has a really good eye pencil. Who? The lip bar. Who's that? They are a makeup company. Mm. Oh, wait! I think I know them. They're in Target.

And it's black owned. It's like two black women. And they went on Shark Tank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Shark Tank was like, no. And they're like, we'll get you. And then they like sold their shit in Target. Yeah.

I know the whole story. You were like, who are they? And then told me more than I knew. So you do now. Yeah, I do. I guess it just all came to me like rush to my brain. Okay. Should we do another quiz or help people?

Help people. Okay, let's help people. Whoa. Co-workers and threesomes. Hi lovelies. So a month or so ago, one of my friends, let's call him Greg, came by to... Oh my God. Can you read that?

Yeah. So, a month ago or so, one of my friends, let's call him Greg, came by my work to hang out. Long story short, he ended up hooking up with my coworker, Gina, that night. And I was like, hell yeah, go for it. And happy for both of them. A week or so later, I'm hanging out with Greg and some other friends. And at the end of the night, it's only me, Greg, and my friend Julia who are left. One thing leads to another and

the three of us have drunk, fun sex. It was my first ever threesome. I always wondered how those happen. I don't think I want it to happen again. Ha ha ha ha ha. It just felt like a fun night between us. And the next day, we were all chill friends again. I thought about telling my coworker, Gina, about this. But then I felt weird about it because that would maybe make

it feel like a bigger deal than it is. So she was talking to me about maybe hitting him up again and I felt weird not saying anything but I also feel weird about telling her and then I thought if I do tell her I kind of want her to know that it was a threesome because that seems like less of a big deal. I don't know what would you do? Would totally love answers from all four of you. Interesting. Interesting. Falling into a threesome and then being like, never again. Sometimes it happens where you try something and you're like,

glad I tried it, I don't need more of that. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what I've tried and I said never again. You just like it all. Yeah, I mean sexually sure, but I was thinking other things. Oh, just in life. I don't like it all. Yeah, I mean, sexually sure, but I was thinking other things. Oh, just in life. I don't like pickled things, but.

Okay. But I guess we are talking about sex. Yeah. I don't love a hand job. Like, what are we doing? I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like looking longingly in your eyes, being like,

are my hands soft? Yeah, okay. Um... I don't know if I want to say mine. Oh, my goodness. Save it for later and tell me. Okay, um, let's see. You do a threesome. You don't want to do it again.

I think you can say, oh, I don't know. Let's like, if it happens, it happens. Let's not like set up another one. No, I think the question was- Oh, did I fuck it up? No, I think the writer's asking, should they tell their coworker that they had a threesome with a person she had

sex with? Who is her friend? I was really stuck on the I don't want to do it again. No, that was just a small part of it. I think they just want to know like, because Gina wants to see Greg again, and Greg is the writer's friend. And I guess wants to be like, should I say, oh, by the way, we had sex?

Oh yeah, no. Yeah, it's not necessary. You never have to disclose that you fucked anybody. Yeah. I have fucked so many people that you have fucked. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't.

I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. I'm kidding, I haven't. Wait, what? So many fucking people.

You fuck them on Tuesdays and I fuck them on Wednesdays. Wait, have we ever fucked the same person? No. Okay. Yes. Wait, no. No. No.

No. I just shared a hotel room with someone you fucked, but we didn't fuck. Okay. He just kept me up with his snoring. It was really awful. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like a hundred percent sure we're not. Is it?

Oh, I think we say snow sisters now. Wait, what were you guys saying? Eskimo sisters. Oh, I think we say Snow Sisters now. Wait, what were you guys saying? Eskimo Sisters. Oh, oh. But then I said that on my podcast, and you better believe people on Twitter were like, ah! It's Snow Sisters now!

And I was like, I'm sorry I didn't know, so now I will never forget. Snow Sisters. Snow Sisters and not the other one. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah. Great. Yeah. We're a different kind of sister. Yeah.

Soul sister? What? I just said it because, like, we're, like, really close. But then after, I was like, oh, that is weird to be like, we're black sistas. We're really close. But then after, I was like, oh, that is weird to be like, we're black sista's. We're sista's, but then A at the end. You made this term up, we tandem fucked, where we fucked at the same time,

but at different places. Yeah, different people, different places. Is that something you made up? I've only heard you say it. Has anyone else heard that term? Yeah. So I definitely made that up. Yeah. And I remember I said it like it was a thing.

I was like, oh, we tandem fucked. And you were like, what? Yeah. Like, I never heard of it. But at the same time, just in different locations. I think we've tandem fucked a lot. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. You leave the bar with somebody just in different locations. I think we've tandem fucked a lot. Yeah?

Probably. Yeah. Yeah, you leave the bar with somebody and then you're like, see ya. It's not like we're reading books. No, we're fucking. All right, let's do another question. Yeah.

Here's a voicemail. Oh, nice. Ooh. Good morning, Nicole. Good morning, Fashir. Good morning, Kimmy. Good morning, Jordan. My name is Rebel. I am a first-time listener, longtime caller, and I have a question about best friends,

acquaintances, and magic mushrooms. You see, my best friend, let's call him Ross, because that's his name, he is having a birthday very soon and I decided to message him and ask, do you want to partake in some mushrooms to celebrate? We've done, we've smoked marijuana before for several years, so this seemed like something that would be okay, but he kind of just, he didn't give me any kind of response, he just ignored my message, so I took that as a no, he didn't give me any kind of response. He just ignored my message. So I took that as a, no, he doesn't want to partake and that's totally fine. Um, but his roommate who has the exact same birthday, so they're

going to be celebrating together. I am acquaintances with the roommate. Don't know them very well. Uh, but I did message the roommate and say, do you want to partake in the magic mushrooms? And they were like, yes, I'm in, let's do this. Hallelujah, slay the house down boots. So I'm just kind of in my head of like, is that a dickish thing of like,

well, my best friend doesn't wanna do this for his birthday, but his roommate is okay. Like I got a negative answer from my best friend doesn't want to do this for his birthday, but his roommate is okay. Like I got a negative answer from my best friend. So I went around him to his roommate and asked. I don't know. I feel kind of, I feel kind of confused and unsure really. So if you ladies have any advice, thoughts or opinions or any advice for first time mushroom takers, I would love to hear it. Thank you ladies so much for everything you do for this

podcast. So entertaining. Have a good night. So if that was unclear because it's hard to hear them sometimes, our caller has a best friend. He asked him if he wanted to do mushrooms for his birthday. Best friend didn't respond to the text. Our caller then texted the best friend's roommate, who he is just acquaintances with. And the roommate said, yes, please. And now our caller feels awkward and doesn't know what to do. Is it the caller's birthday as well,

or was it the best friend and the roommate's? The best friend and the roommate are birthday twins, though it sounds like unrelated. Okay. Not actual twins. Okay. I wonder if it's like they're all going to the same party and they're gonna be on Mushrooms or... I guess...

Because that's fine. That's fun? That's fine, I think. I think it was like a group event. I thought it was like, we're taking a journey. I'm going to take you to the park or the woods or I don't know, or maybe my house. I don't know. But the mission is mushrooms.

That is what we're doing. And it's our callers first time or the best or the friends first time? I believe it is the callers first time. And it sounds like the best friend has also not partaken in mushrooms before. They've never done it together. Hmm. Interesting. I do think it's kind of a weird move to ask the roommate

if you're not close with the roommate, if they're just an acquaintance. I don't know. I mean... It sounds like the caller wants to do the dress. It doesn't have to be for the birthday. It could be like, they want to have this experience. It doesn't sound like the best friend wants to do that. They're allowed to say no.

And they want a buddy on this journey, which they should have. Don't do it alone on your first time. So why? Yeah, I don't know. I don't see anything wrong with being like, yeah, this person's down. You want someone who's like down. Let's do it. Yes. Yeah. I mean, if their friend doesn't want to fucking do them. Find someone who wants to do mushroom. Yeah.

I guess I'm like really bumping against not wanting to do mushrooms. You know, that like is a non-starter for me. I love mushrooms. Some people get scared. They might be like, I don't know what I'm like on it or... Fun. They don't know that yet. But maybe they, someone shouted birthday.

I think maybe it should be rebranded. Maybe it shouldn't be. These are birth, this is a birthday celebration. You should be like, I'm just gonna try this. Yes. Your roommate is also gonna try it with me. You're welcome to join. Yeah, that sounds nice and reasonable.

But not like I got these messages for your birthday. And you don't want it, so I'm doing it with your roommate. Yeah. Yeah. I think I had therapy today and my therapist was like, it's all about framing. Oh. You have to frame things and that's a good reframe. Yeah.

So did you sit in on my session today? Were you on the Zoom? I was just texting your therapist as you were talking to her. I was like, what are you guys talking about? Tell me. But yeah, I think that's like a really good, yeah, just reframe's like a really good, yeah, just reframe that shit.

They also asked for advice for a first time, shooting taker, and I honestly wanna just ask our friend in the front row, who's been giving us Equinox tips, and cleansing tips, do you mind getting on the mic? Yes, amazing. What's your name? Hi, my name is Teresa. Hi.

And actually do have an opinion about this. I feel like shrooms are such an amazing tool, but I feel like you really have to cultivate how you're going to do them and who you're going to be, who you're going to do them around, because they will take your brain to a different place. And if you're around people you don't feel comfortable or safe with, it can really just fuck with your head and ruin it completely. So I would say definitely go back to your friend and say, hey, I want to have this experience.

I would like to do with you. Are you interested in this? And then kind of make sure that that person is a-okated or not-okated, or like, yes, maybe, but not on my birthday, or that sort of thing. And then if he still wants to do it, he can, but you have to clear it with your friend first so you don't ruin that, because the roommate,

who the fuck are they? They could be gone in whoever long. He doesn't have a relationship, or they don't have a relationship with their best friend's roommate. Yeah, yeah. These are great points. Yeah, and it a relationship or they don't have a relationship with their best friend's roommate. Yeah, yeah. These are great points.

Yeah, and it's good to do with someone you feel safe with because the first time I did shrooms, I did them with a bunch of girls and one of the girls fell into the closet and I thought the closet ate her. And I left her and you left her.

So I was not the safe person. And she came downstairs and was like, you let the closet eat me? And I was like, yeah, because I didn't know what to do. And she was like, you could have saved me from the closet eating me. And we had like an argument about how I let the closet eat her.

So it's like, yeah, do you have mushrooms with someone who will save you from the closet? Yeah, you got to. Because it wasn't me at that time. Yeah, and maybe if the best friend knows that my roommate and my best friend are doing it, this is enough of a community that I feel safe. I feel safe. Three, the first time I did mushrooms was with three people total, and that felt good.

I feel like one other person feels like a little too intense. For your first time? Yeah. I'm trying to think if I've ever done it with one other person. Mostly it's been with a group, at least three. I've done it, yeah, usually it's three people, but in the beginning of the pandemic, I did do it alone, and I did try to hug my trees,

because it looked like they were trying to hug me, and I was like, I have to reciprocate. Uh... And I really wonder if was like, I have to reciprocate. Uh... And I really wonder if, like, my neighbor saw that. Mm. Like, saw me outside staring at my trees, being like, come here, big guy. He-he-he.

Ha-ha-ha. I love mushrooms. Yeah. Okay, solved. And I would say definitely settle... Settle the thing with the best friend before you do the mushrooms. Otherwise, that's all you're gonna think about.

Yes, that's a good one. Solved. Do you guys want to do one more? Do we want to do audience questions? Ooh. I think they're chomping at the bit. They're chomping at the bit. Let's do some audience questions. There, mic is up.

Oh, hello again. Oh. It's our Equinox friend. And Mike out. There, Mike is up. Oh, hello again. And... It's our Equinox friend. I just have to say, you guys are amazing. I'm low key, like not crazy obsessed, but I love you guys. And I have like, I'm like, sorry, but like in person, like what the fuck, you guys are gorgeous.

I know, right? I'm like, Nicole, how the fuck are you so single? Insta-Cheer, like you came out with that bald head and I was like, bitch! I'm so excited. So one of my best friends actually lives in Hong Kong and I introduced her to the podcast and that's one of the ways that we stay in contact

is like we listen to it separately and then we talk about it. And I told her that you guys were having a show tonight and she's like, the ways that we stay in contact, is like, we listen to it separately, and then we talk about it. And I told her that you guys were having a show tonight, and she's like, you have to go. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go to, like, the microphone and shout her out. So, Nikki in Hong Kong, I love you. I miss you.

Yeah! I love that. That's so fucking sweet. That's so sweet. Literally, that's it. All right, I'm gonna... Oh, thank you. Oh, that's so sweet.

We love Nikki and Hong Kong. Yeah. They tanned them. Listen. They tanned... Yes! They listened to the podcast in different places. Nicki! Hi. Hello. Hi, Nicole. Hi, Zashir.

I have a good question. If you guys were to wake up in each other's bodies, what would be the first thing you guys would do? I'd honk them titties. I've never had big ones, so it would be an experience. Yeah. I would try on all your wigs.

Ooh. And maybe I just like get on that pole. You would? Yeah. OK. After I finished honking your titties, I'd probably put on some of your outfits, because I do love you've like some really, really cute

things, namely these asset wash jeans that I really, really like, and then these, they're like turquoise, purple, and blue pants with a pattern that we got in Canada together. I love those pants. I'd slide them on my body and I go, mmm. And then I'd probably call your mom because I love her. Oh, boy. And she'd be like, what is this? Why are you calling me?

And I'd be like, just tell me a story. And then what would I do? Hmm. I think that's about it. Yeah. Maybe I'd take your body to get a meal because you're always hungry. And like, I know that I am you now, but like, I want to honor that you like food. Thank you. You're welcome.

I don't know what else. I said it and then realized how insane that sounded. I'm going to take your body to go get food to honor that you like food. But I stand by it. I'd go eat a hot dog. Nice. Thank you for taking care of my body. Yeah. Or maybe a chicken sandwich or something. No, chips. I'd go to the grocery store.

I'd get some chips. Yeah. Yeah, I want chips. I don't know what else I would do with your body. It's okay. Pfft. No, it's fine. You just don't want chips. I don't know what else I would do with your body. It's okay. No, it's fine. You just don't want to take me for a spin. Well, I guess I would just go find me. I would find you.

We would go- Oh, that's so funny. It never occurred to me. We would just go hang out. I don't think I would like be in your body for long without going to find you. It would probably take me a couple of hours before I was like, oh yeah, I should like find my body and see if Sashira is in my body. I wouldn't be able to call because you have a lock on your phone.

I should know the lock to your phone. Okay, I'll tell you later. In case this happens. Oh boy. Great question. That was a very good question. That was better than- Thank you guys. Thank you.

Thank you. That was better than that question where that person was like, if there was two sushirs on a roof. I think about that a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really stressed you out? It really did.

And sometimes I'll think about it right before bed and I'm like, oh my God. It won't happen. You won't have to do that. It might. Shit's getting wild. It's true. Hi.

Hello. Are you wearing a robe? I am. I love this. Wait, is your body out? Do what? Is your body out? No, I wore a tank top underneath.

Oh, it does look like your chest. I'm just this pale. I like it. This is a look. Thank you very much. Speaking of looks, you looked amazing on season 14, You Know the Fit. And, Sashir, you are my partner's favorite comedian.

It's just your Instagram videos between our chats. So thank you both for being so lovely. Thank you. My question is, I have a very dear best friend. And you know how you only go to your best friend, like with partner issues when like things are issues? You know, you need to talk to somebody, vent to somebody. The more he vents to me, the more I don't think I like the partner.

Ooh. And they just moved in together. Ooh. I had advice. That's a little tough, but I do think you have to bear in mind that like the things they're complaining about is like them specific. And it doesn't have truly anything to do with you. And it's a little amplified because they're together. Yeah, but unless unless it's shit where it's like, it's bad and I'm not safe.

Like then it's like, yeah, you don't like them, that's bad. But I think if it's just like, I don't know, things that you're just like, oh, that sucks. I think it's just like, I have to remove myself from that because I'm not in the relationship and I'm just here to listen to venting. Am I right?

That sounds great. That was really good. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think you have to remember they're they're just they're upset. And so they're just like complaining. But I'm sure there's good parts of the relationship that they're not telling you because it's not on their mind.

They're just enjoying the good parts, but then something annoys them and they go to you and complain about it. But I would hope they wouldn't move in with this person if it was all bad. What if it keeps happening consistently though? What's that? What if it keeps happening consistently? Like it's a similar theme in the issue. But that's also, unfortunately, that happens in relationships.

Sometimes there are consistent like, well, this is it. Here we are again, but if it's like horrible, well, maybe this person needs to be reminded. Can you share specifics or no? No is okay. I don't want to share specifics. Fair. I think Saoirse is right. When things repeatedly come up, it's like that's just like a couple of things from what I hear.

And... ["I'm sorry." in background, laughter, and applause.] Okay, great. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Hi, guys. So I was introduced to your podcast today by my friend Renee. And that's the only friend part about the question. But in the podcast, it was at the point of your show, Nicole, where you talk about, like, the very weird messages you get from people.

And it was the one where the guy, like, wanted to, like, stuff you with Froyo very weird messages you get from people. And it was the one where the guy like wanted to like stuff you with the Froyo, then take you home and like the Froyo. Is it you? Oh, no, no, no, no. And he's like, and I have the Froyo. No, so like while I wouldn't do the Froyo thing myself as I was listening to it, I was just like, it's not like the worst idea? So my quid... Yeah!

Yes, that's the worst idea to take me to TCVY, put me upside down, and fill me up. Wait, did you try? No, I mean, so like yeast infection aside, like, I don't know, maybe, but that's besides the point. What I was gonna ask was like... Yeast infection aside. What?

That's a doctor's visit. I mean, that's what you get with a man who has like, you know, insurance, but the real question is, have you ever like heard one of those like messages and thought to yourself like, that's actually a great idea. -♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha or like, no one has ever said anything like romantic. Everyone's like, I'm gonna flip you upside down and fucking stuff you with hot dogs

and let Sashir be upset that she can't eat them. Like they're all so fucked up. I don't want to be involved in this. I don't want to be involved in this. Yeah, I know you don't. You'd be so mad to watch me get stuffed with hot dogs in my pussy. What a waste.

So what's your idea of romantic? Oh! Are you hitting on me? Yes? Is it working? Well, I'll say this. Uh, this is cheating. You can't just be like,

what's your idea of romantic? And then I tell you, then you do it. You gotta, like, surprise me. No, I like saying what I want and getting what I want. Okay. Okay, here's what I find romantic. I get home tonight

and there's a piece of pink champagne cake on my bed. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You let me have the last six bites. And then you slam me down on my stomach and fuck me till I die. Yeah, I think that's romantic. I don't know about till you die, but just till one of us falls asleep.

Thank you. Wait, what? I missed it. What did you say? I said not till you die, but like till one of us falls asleep. Oh, well, when I say die, I like till one of us falls asleep. Oh. Well, when I say die, I just like want to be cross-eyed and be like, what is my name?

Oh, I mean, that's always intended, so thank you. Jesus. I'm not a zoo. What's this year? Would you like me to bring him up here and fuck him? I didn't say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna used to be like two girls, one cup. Like it would just be like, that's the thing. So like there was one that was just like filling people up with food. And it was like, like cereal and milk.

Like they had, they had like, what is it? Finger, feed her fucker. What are you like a subscriber? Wait, this is a romantic man. Yes, this is my, this is, that's my boyfriend. Nevermind. Yeah, I met him on Feedherfucker.com. But they would take like a, what do you call it,

a speculum and like, like, open up an asshole and like pour cereal and milk in there and then someone would eat it out of there. Honestly, shut up, that's funny. It is funny. That's really funny. Someone brainstormed that. Yeah.

Someone's so upset she's leaving, she's like, I can't, I'm not, I'm not. You will not open me up and eat fucking charms out of my fucking butt. But it's funny they came up with it and then executed it and got someone to agree to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if your butt was opened up,

what cereal would you put in it? Reese's Pieces. Reese's, oh, okay, like the Reese's Puff cereal? Yeah. Okay, that's good. Because I at first was gonna do Honey Bunches of Oats, but I think the Jagged Edges would really cut me Yeah. Okay, that's good. Cause I at first was gonna do honey bunches of oats, but I think the jagged edges would really cut me up. Ooh, got ya.

Hey, what's going on? Definitely wanna follow that. I have a question for my partner because she was too shy to come up and ask. Oh, okay. The question is, she wants someone to shit talk about her partner with, how does she make a best friend as an adult?

Wow. Your partner told you this? Yeah, she just told me a best friend as an adult? Wow. Your partner told you this? Yeah, she just told me that. They're like, go ask. Wow. Gotta say, either very healthy or not at all. One or the other. I'm going to say healthy. I like it. That's a good question. Well, see, now I need to know what your partner's into. What is your partner like?

Snakes and anime., snakes and anime? Snakes and anime. I feel like you could find someone on the Internet who's into anime, and then maybe, like, find a snake class? ["Snape Class"] ["Snape Class"] Maybe. I have no idea.

My follow up to that was like, what is a snake class? Like how to care for them? Yeah. A petting zoo? These are very specific. I feel like your partner could find a friend on the internet. What is like an in-person anime thing? Conventions?

Oh, send your partner to Comic-Con and don't let them come back until they have a friend. Okay. Got it. Was that the question? I don't know. Wait. It was, how does her partner, or how does their partner find-

Well, the question is, how do you make a best friend? A best friend. Because you can make a friend anywhere. Yeah. How do you make a best friend? Well, I mean, I locked eyes with Sashir and I said she will be mine. And then I did it. So your partner, yeah, maybe your partner needs to manifest somebody.

Yeah, and it's possible your partner already knows their best friend, but they don't know it yet. Because we knew each other and we were already performing together for a while, but we didn't become best friends until like a certain phone call, honestly. And we realized we had more to talk about other than comedy and improv. So I think once you get past the surface stuff and you start realizing, oh, I like you, then that's when the best friendship can possibly happen. So yeah, there might be a person that's already in this person's life that they get along with,

but maybe they can just ask them to hang out outside of work or outside of a convention or wherever they were going to have fun. Yeah, try that. Thank you. You're welcome. Hi, how are you guys? How are you doing?

These pants are great. Where are they from? Fashion Nova. Fashion Nova? Okay. They're great, I like them. Y'all use the word tandem? Yes.

It's actually one after another. What is that? What do you mean? Like the word tandem. The word tandem means one after another? Yes, I think you meant the word. But what about tandem? What about tandem bike?

Is that's just like connected? No, one is after the other. No, one is after the other. I guess I thought it was like they're riding the bike together at the same time. I am humiliated, which is a word I know how to say correctly because in a voiceover I said humiliated and they were like, what are you saying? My world is done. It is rocked. Yeah, Kimmy, we're gonna just prove you.

With two or more horse, what? She's right. Having two things arranged, one in front of the other. Oh, so if we were tandem fucking, I would be fucking someone in front of you fucking someone. It's supposed to be a foursome. Okay, it's either a foursome or one of us started the fuck first. And then I left and then you came in?

No, like you get to your hotel room first if you start fucking, and then I get to my hotel room a little bit after and start fucking after. So one is happening after the other. Listen, I'm really just trying to make this work for myself. I'm honestly devastated. I have been using Tandem incorrectly for 47 years. What's your name? And why are you doing this to us?

I just did it. I was about to let you know. What is your name? Danielle. Danielle, you have ruined our lives. I'm like really shook. I don't think I know what very many words are. It's okay. Now we know.

Thanks, Danielle. I did, I did have a question. I'll get over it. I forget shit all the time. I'll just remember you, Danielle. Okay. Do you have a question or did you just want to correct me? I had a question too.

So do y'all have any advice on, like, how to keep a guy in the friend zone that you're having sex with? How to keep them in the friend zone. Wow, what a fuck, Danielle! Came here to make me feel bad! Danielle got in her car, and she said,

I'ma make this bitch cry tonight. Danielle parked her car, walked in the theater, and she said, I'm gonna make this bitch cry tonight. Danielle parked her car, walked in the theater, and she said, I'm fucking ready. Oh! Wow, Danielle! You're getting fucked so hard! Okay, so... Has this person been trying to fuck you? They've been fucking.

Wait, oh, you already fucked? Yes, and she's trying to friendzone him. She's like, your dick is good, but not good enough to betroth me. Oh, I thought they were trying to fuck, but you were just like... No, Danielle's very lucky. I see. Very lucky. Have you guys had conversations? Like what, do you know what this person's goal is?

Or are they just like down for the hang? They're down, but then like repeating, having sex over and over again, I guess they develop feelings and they want a relationship, but like you already made it clear that you don't want to be, so I don't know how... Wait, sorry, he says, or they say they want to be

in a relationship with you? Mm-hmm. Oh, they can't, I'm sorry, it's too late. You can't do it? Yeah, this should have happened earlier. I'm so sorry, they caught feelings. Yeah. Well, what if they don't say it?

If they haven't said they want to be in a relationship with you, what is the truth? Yeah, you can't be like, what if? It didn't turn out that way. Y'all made it about me, it was a gentle, but. Danielle, did this person say they want to be in a relationship with you? Yes.

Yes. Okay, Danielle, that's the issue at hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not what if. No, okay, so Danielle, you've got to be honest with this person, and you've got to say that dick is great. I love it. You dick me down so good. But like, I'm truly not looking for a relationship.

And if you can't handle that, we have to stop having sex because it's not kind. Okay. Thank you, guys. Yeah. And you're tall, you're pretty, you'll find somebody else, and you'll ruin their life by telling them definitions of things. Thank you guys.

Wow, Danielle. Thank you. Thank you. Hi. Hi. If you could pick the theme song of each other, what would you pick? Oh, so it's like a song that exists in the world already? Sure. Oh, a song that exists in the world.

But for the others. So sure. I mean, the first thing that came to my mind is the Muppet Baby theme song. Muppet Baby. You're going to do it. I've never heard that. Really?

No. Do you know the show? No. It's the Muppets, but they're babies. It's a cartoon. Okay. And then, yeah, they were in daycare. I can't remember what they were doing, but they were just like little toddlers

running around having adventures. Okay. My theme song for you is Family Matters. Ooh. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. What are the words? There's a man, there's a man, there's a man, and there's a man. There's a rare condition this day and age

And read any good books in the newspaper place And then design some evil things that are hard to find Well, here's another example back into this crazy world. That's it. Thank you guys so much for coming out to sunny downtown Los Angeles at the Regent Theater, part of the Netflix is a Joke marathon. That's the sheer. That's cool. Yes.

That's Kimmy on the keys. Jordan, fuck that. No kidding. I love you, Jordan. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Bye bye.