Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Is Fascinated By The Blue Man Group

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Nicole has been watching too many DIY videos, including videos where people make open shelving by removing the doors from their cabinets - it’s overwhelming! Sasheer witnessed the spectacle that is the Blue Man Group and loved it, but she couldn't help but wonder "Where are the blue women?" The ladies are headed to Atlanta and Nicole can’t wait to test drive a vintage Bronco! Lastly, they answer a listener question on how to approach a best friend who may be ghosting you.Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail]  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

🎵 Ah! 🎵 Ah! Sashir! Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sashir. How are you? I am good. How are you? Okay, Nicole. Hi, Sashir. How are you? I am good.

How are you? Okay. Overwhelmed. I have been watching too much DIY on Instagram. And a lot of it is people who have painted their countertops or tiles with epoxy. And people like, okay, so there's like one camp that's like no epoxy it's not gonna be good i'm part of that camp i don't i don't i think you should just retire it's called epoxy or poxy guess what i don't know i think it's e-p-o-x-y um so it might be poxy but i call it epoxy and and what does it do what does it look like

so it just looks like a coat of paint over your tile oh i see i see i see yes and it's a way to like update them like if you have ugly beige tiles you can paint them hunter green or white no one ever paints them a fun color, which is like really upsetting to me. But I like, and people are like, so people told me not to paint my tiles. Here they are four months later

and they look good. Like people are, Instagram is only showing me those videos. And then there's this girl I really like. Ooh, I should find her, but I can't remember. Wait, I'm going to try to find her real quick. But I just keep watching these videos of people doing things themselves.

And I'm like, I can do stuff myself. So you want to know what I did? Oh, boy. What did you do? I bought a can of a sample of paint in cilantro, Sherman Williams cilantro, discontinued. But my dude at Home Depot, my assistant did this, I didn't do this, but this man at Home Depot, he mixed it for her. Can you even? He knew the color. How did he know? I'll never know. So he mixes it for her. She buys me a sample. And then I paint the grate in my bathroom because my windowsill was painted

cilantro, the door was painted cilantro, but they left left the great white and it's been like that for like almost a year and I every time I sit on that toilet I go that grate should be a cilantro so then I painted it and I did a fine job but it tuckered me out and then I bought more paint because I wanted to paint the crown molding on my guest bedroom. And then I was like, I can't do that. It took me out doing this little grate. I'm so overwhelmed. I want to do things. And then I opened a cabinet today and I said, this cabinet should have wallpaper inside. So there's a fun pizzazz inside when I see it. So then I bought removable wallpaper that's coming to me. That's good. And you know the trouble I had the first time I did the whole removable wallpaper.

But I did it again. Why don't you just get someone else to do it? Because I keep watching Instagram videos where people are doing it themselves. Yeah, that's the problem. This couple last night, this year, they did a disgusting thing. They removed their cabinets. They painted them seafoam green. They put the cabinets back up without the doors to make it look like open shelving.

But the whole point of open shelving is a shelf not a casing around it that's like captured shelving because it's still captured in something captured shelving it's not open it certainly is not open oh man it made me so angry oh boy oh boy yeah these DIY things are making people believe in themselves too much. Yes, and I can't, I shan't be believing in myself. I can't. It's really upsetting that, like, it makes me think I can do it, you know? Yeah. There's a, there was, like, an opening outside my house where rodents were getting in.

Mm-hmm. outside my house where rodents were getting in and we had pest control come by and they were like we can put a little netting over this but it's gonna be like three hundred dollars and i was like all you're gonna do is put netting over this little hole i can do that myself and and i shooed them away and then midway through i was like i should have just paid 300 i don't want to do this anymore i'm like clipping using wire cutters to clip this wire and i'm like i'm bleeding like i'm cutting myself yeah i mean i don't know what gets into us that we're like i can do this because surely we can't and we shan't. We shan't and I don't want to. I don't want to either, but I have to wallpaper the inside of my cabinet. Because you gave yourself a job to do.

Yeah, and I don't fucking know why. Yeah. And then I might paint. Okay, I think what I'm going to do is, so the inside of the cabinet has, I don't know what it's called, but it's got like a trim around and then a middle does that make sense it's like a shaker style inside does that make sense and that is knowledgeable in um home terms as you are okay so it's like um there's when you open it there's like a little border and then a recessed part okay yes i think i am so the recessed part in the middle is going to be wallpaper.

And then the border around it, I think I'm going to paint purple. I'm going to have. And then when I painted this great, you better believe I didn't have any like any. I don't know what it's called. Tarping or whatever to put under it. So in case it drips. Oh, no. So I put my hand towel under it.

And guess what? Paint dripped on it. Yeah, of course. And then I was mad about it. Who wants to hire me to do your home? I'll come. I'll make a mess. I'll cry.

Oh, my God. And then my couch. I bought a couch that's just down it's down feathers right and i don't how do you put structure in a couch i like in the cushions or the frame well you know how like most couches have like wood in them or something to keep a shape this one has no wood it's like a big bean bag filled with pill uh feathers help who do i call i don't know me either if anybody listening knows anybody who can revive my couch bring it back to life resurrect it like jesus let me know let's see what a reupholsterer but they they just do the fabric they get the fabric like if you take the fabric off my

couch you'll have a pile of feathers there's nothing keeping the feathers in and they poke you oh no don't like that it's really upsetting help somebody anybody help. Help. Because like the couch is there. I just need it to be structured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lord Jesus. And I've been all up and down the websites looking for a similar couch to mine. I've been on Pinterest. Right. Did you know that Pinterest is pin your interest?

I did know that. Yeah. Oh, you did? I think that was like the whole thing. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. I just found out. how did you just find out there was a video of this lady who explained a bunch of stuff pinterest is one of them she explained pinterest she explained a bunch of things that i didn't know like um break a leg

is like break a leg because i want to see you cast yes i think i saw this video yeah yeah i didn't know that i thought we were just trying to like kill people i didn't know i thought it was like i'm wishing you ill will but i guess i didn't think pinterest needed to be explained it's really the word interest is fully in there. Wow. I didn't think Pinterest needed to be explained. Well, some of us, some of us don't catch on too quick to share. Some of us. It's just like the actual word interest is in the title. Yeah.

Okay. Some of us didn't get that. And then the only, the only thing you do on that app is pin things. So you're pinning. You pin it. Some of us don't pin. Some of us just look at Pinterest and then get really upset when they can't find that picture again. Because they didn't realize that's what they're supposed to be doing. Some of us don't think things are as intuitive as they are.

Okay. All right. I see. I understand. And I'm not talking about myself. I'm just talking about some people, okay? they're supposed to be doing some of us don't think things are as intuitive as they are all right i see i understand and you know i'm gonna talk about myself you know just talking about some people okay yes right right of course not you you you got it you understand i i knew i watched that lady's video i got her i scooped all that knowledge right up Thank you for buying me an iPhone. Oh, yeah, you're welcome. I thought I did something I didn't know about. Yeah, Nicole went to the Apple store to get herself some stuff and then was like, i know you got an old ass phone do you want me

to buy you an iphone while i'm here and i was like oh my god yes please and you were like i mean you have to pay for it and i was like oh yeah of course well i just i was like i love giving a gift but i was like this gift is too wild and if i saw you you, like, throw it around, I'd be like, hey, man. You know what I mean? Because it's like an everyday fix. I was like, you surely have to pay me back for it. No, I understood that you weren't buying me a phone. You were just doing the act of buying for me. But even that was super helpful because I've been wanting to buy a phone,

and I just haven't gotten around to it. And my phone still works perfectly. I a 10 and it works fine you cannot say it works fine it surely doesn't you leave countries and then your phone goes I'm so sorry I can't be of service yeah there are some things it doesn't do but it works fine enough so I'm like not in a rush to get a new phone obviously I haven't been in a rush to get a new phone obviously i haven't been in a rush i'm a few generations behind so the fact that you were like i'm gonna help my friend out is huge oh you're welcome um so i guess you know my harrowing experience at the apple store but everyone else doesn't so okay my computer i

believe is from 1982 no i'm kidding i have no way how do you find out when your computer's from about this map yeah i think so oh okay so i got it in 2019 and so this is pre-pandemic so like the computer was living good we went through a pandemic together it's not thriving anymore she gets so hot and then sometimes she'll be like and i was like uh-oh time for a new one and i was like i want a bigger screen because you know me i love big things so i go to get the 16 inch macbook pro which apparently is like a powerful, big computer used by professionals. And everyone at the store judged me for wanting it. They were like, what are you going to do on it?

And I was like, you know, bit bop, zoom type, cruise on, fucking anthropology.com, buy curtains, I don't know. And they were like, then get a MacBook Air. And I was like, yeah, but I don't want like an Air like then get him like get a macbook air and i was like yeah but i don't want like an air i want a big thick book and they were like all right fine and then i was like and then i'll travel with an ipad and he was like i i just think you should get the macbook air and i was like i do not need a man telling me what to do and then he was like all right come back at 1 30 and that was at 11 o'clock. And I said,

okay, I'll go see a movie. And he looked me in the eyes and said, okay. So sure. I marched right over to the movie theater. It's not open. He knew that it wasn't open.

He knew that it wasn't open. He knew that movies didn't start there until 5 PM. He knew it. And he looked me in the eyes and he let me walk over like an idiot damn he's like I don't care what you do you just can't be here he's like whatever so then

I spent two hours in Barnes and Nobel and I rediscovered books so here I spent two hours laughing and teeing through books whoa i was reading jennifer uh jennifer oh my god jennifer lewis's second book um and when i was just like going through the table of contents and finding chapters that seemed interesting to me. And I'd read them and I was laughing.

And then every time someone passed me, I would smile at them and they would smile at me because we're book people. And there was a camaraderie. You're doing that classic book smile. Yes. Where it's just like slightly awkward. book smile yes where it's just like slightly awkward um and then i bought some books and went back to the apple store to pick up my merchandise got you your phone put you on speakerphone to talk to the man who did not seem happy about it um and then it was a different man and he's like so what are you gonna do with this macbook pro and i was like i don't know learn iMovie because i didn't want them to different man. And he's like, so what are you going to do with this MacBook Pro?

And I was like, I don't know. Learn iMovie? Because I didn't want them to judge me anymore. And he's like, you're going to learn how to do iMovie on this? And I was like, oh, my God. He's still judging me. That is a funny response because you can do iMovie on your phone. You don't need a MacBook Pro.

That's how little I know about computers. They asked me about RAM. And I was like, a Dodge? I don't know what a RAM Pro. That's how little I know about computers. They asked me about RAM and I was like, a Dodge? I don't know what a RAM is. Other than a car, a truck. Long story short, I returned the computer and the iPad the very next day.

Because I didn't need a laptop that big. So I got a desktop. Because that is a very big screen and that will be what i need to have in my office and then i got a macbook air to carry around with me and then i just uh wiped my current ipad so it has nothing on it um so then i can watch stuff on it i got a new one because i was like i don't know how to wipe it. So I just Googled it. So she...

Hey, but that's okay. You figured it out. And you adjusted. I wish I had realized... Yeah, so my credit card company called me to say, y'all right? Is it good over here? That's very funny. You make some big purchases and we're turning big purchases.

What's the scam? We can't figure it out. We can't figure it out. Sorry, what were you saying? I rudely interrupted you. I was going to say, I wish I had known you were going back to the Apple store because I think I messed up on the storage of the iPhone that you got me.

Oh, no. I think I should have got a bigger capacity. Isn't that the biggest? No, I think there's a bigger one. I think I got the middle one. More than 200? I think there's like a 500 capacity isn't that the biggest no i think there's a bigger one i think i got the middle more than 200 i think there's like a 500 or something like that that's crazy what do you have currently i think the 200 so so in my mind i was like oh i should get the same thing but like of course i shouldn't because i've been struggling to keep things on my phone and deleting shit off my phone. So I should get more capacity.

Well, I'm not, I can't go back. That's okay. This is where I leave you, friend. How do I know how much storage is on my phone? I think the about, or like settings and then. Settings? General? About?

Maybe it's about this phone. I think it's like the first thing. Oh, yeah. I have the 512 gigabyte yeah that's what i need yeah you can actually go up to a one terabyte also what is whose terabyte sounds like a dinosaur it sounds like a delicious dessert i'll just have a terabyte not very big yeah not bad just have a terabyte. Not very big. Yeah, not bad. Just a little terabyte. Just a little terabyte. Or the terabytes roamed with the brontosaurus. Do you think I'm able to exchange the phone just with the receipt that you have? Yeah, I can forward you the receipt. Okay, great.

I'll just do that. And then you can have fun. Have fun. But it's waiting for you yay i was gonna wrap it but then i was like well she's just gonna open it but now i certainly won't wrap it because if you bring it back to the store wrapped they'll be like this ungrateful woman i got a gift and i don't want it i sure i should i don't want this please i i don't i simply don't want it yeah um but it was a real treat that you were so excited.

Yes. I mean, it's like, you know, I love acts of service. It was, it was very kind that you thought about me. Oh, my friend. Yeah. I'm constantly thinking of you. I think that day I also called you like 86 times. But I was fine with it.

I was around. And then you, oh my God, how was Blue Man Group? Oh, I went to Vegas. I forgot about it. I went to Vegas a couple days ago by myself. No one else could go because it was a random Thursday and I found out about this gig that I had to do like days before. So I was like, well, while I'm here, I'm going to see Blue Man Group. I've never seen them before.

And I loved it. It was really fun. It's like they explain nothing. They're not like, here's why these men are blue. Here's where we are. There's no like story at all. It's just these blue men. here's where we are.

There's no, like, story at all. It's just these blue men. Which I was also like, why are there no blue women after all these years? Not marry a blue woman? Do they wear clothes or are they naked? They wear clothes. They wear, like, just black clothes. Oh, okay.

And then their hands and their head are blue. And they all drum. They, like, drum on different tubes and pipes and things. They make different sounds. And then they also drum and, like, put paint on it. And the paint splashes everywhere. And it's cool. I was in the splash zone.

I didn't realize. I got good seats close to the stage. And then they gave me a tarp to put on myself. And I was like, are you kidding me? And they're like, yeah, you're close to the stage. You might need it. And I was like are you kidding me and they're like yeah you're close to the stage you might need it and i was like wait no i didn't know this is what i was signing up for and i had white sneakers on and i was like i don't want to get my i don't get paint on my white sneakers and they're like you'll be fine i was like but you gave me a tarp i asked for a

second they're like we only have enough for like all the seats here i was like but i don't want to get my white shoes dirty. I didn't. It was fine. But yeah, they were like, like splattering paint all over the place. And then there was a moment where they made a picture in the show because a guy had caught paint balls in his mouth and then spat them onto a canvas and was like spinning it. And in my mind, I was like, I'm going to buy that. Because I was like spinning it and in my mind i was like i'm gonna buy that because i was like that's really cool i'm gonna buy that but i i didn't know that was an option but it was and as we were exiting the theater a guy was

standing by the door holding it and i was like i'm gonna go over there and then some bitch ran in front of me and claimed it and she's like i want that and he's like right this way and led her to the cash register and i was like that's it that's all you had to do there was no other like raise your hand if you want this or like a contest or anything it's just like whoever exited and wanted it first come first serve and they only had one and so this lady got it before i did i'll take you back to blue man group because i would like to see the visual and light what did you you described it in the funniest way i said an audio and visual spectacle wait what say it again i laughed too hard before you've been hearing it. Because you were like, what even is this show?

And I was like, well, by the looks of it, it's an audio and visual spectacle. And you were like, who talks like that? And it was. I gotta tell you, it was. Well, we'll go back. We're going to get you that painting. I'll speak to someone before the show starts to be like we want the painting that is made we'll get it for you i can't wait to see the visual and audio spectacle and it did make me want to like research the show more because i know it i feel like it started in new york but i want to be like i want to know like did they have like a joe's pub moment like what was their what

was their deal before they got big what did they what were their experimental shows what were their like like low budget like we just picked up trash on the street to make sounds like before we were able to get a band behind us and all the equipment we could ever need and like a stage crew yeah do they start as the black man group and then go to racism and say maybe we should just be blue yeah we just won't be any race um and i wonder it's not the original Men. It's been going on for so long. It's been going on for so long. They tour. There's one in Vegas.

There's one in New York. There's probably one in Chicago. I think it's like a big corporation. It's its own thing. And smart, too. Because you're blue, anyone could be. Well, not if you're a woman but any man could be a blue man. But how do you know there was no

women maybe with their titties strapped down? This is a good point. I don't actually know. You know, there might be. There could be. There could be some NBs. There could be. There's a good point. You know, we don't know. Mm-hmm. There could be. There's a good point. You know?

We don't know. I don't know how they identify. No. That's true. That's true. Boy, I'm so glad you got to do that. Me too. It was very fun.

You sounded so excited. You love a Vegas show. I love Vegas. I was also trying to squeeze in Cirque du Soleil, but my agent was like, you do have to work. You have to actually go to this job that you're paid to be there for that's really funny why is this year late oh she wouldn't saw two broadway or not broadway two vegas shows i would like to go to vegas for a weekend sometime soon um i really want to see usher oh my god that looks like such a fun show i'd love to see Usher. Oh my God. That looks like such a fun show. I'd love to see Usher.

We should try to figure it out. Our schedules are shitty though sometimes. Also, I'm so excited to be visiting you in Atlanta. Yeah. Because I told you I want a vintage Bronco, right? No. Oh. No. No.

Well. No. I really... Well, here's a news announcement. No. What? The newsflash? Yeah. Newsflash. I want a vintage Bronco.

I want a 66 through 74. And I want to lift it. I want it to be lilac. Um, I do want it to be a hard top, like a removable hard top. Um, and then I want like lilac interior, lilac and white interior seats. Okay. Um, and then like, I want it to be fully restored. So I don't have to deal with it being

um a stick because a lot of them are sticks um and this place vintage broncos i think that's what the company's called they're in atlanta and i followed them like a couple months ago and then the owner reached out was like thanks for the follow um if you have any questions or you're in atlanta you want to take one for a test drive let me know and i was like i am gonna be in atlanta yes next freaking month yeah he was like bring your fat ass over and i'm kidding he's a very nice man it's like whoa wait a minute so i'm like really excited about it whoa i'm so glad i can't wait to see you drive this Bronco. Right? A big purple Bronco. Okay, so say you get one from there. Do they ship it to you?

Do you have to drive it? No, no, no. They ship it. That's how I got my other car. Wow. This is great. I'm so glad. I'm turning into Jay Leno.

You really are. But does a Bronco have, like, is there a story? Is there a significance in your life? Or, like, have you seen Broncos in your life and been like, I gotta get one of these? I just love them. It's like a big, cute little truck. I just, I really like them.

I think they're really adorable. And they, like, they resemble a Wrangler, or Wranglers resemble them a little bit. But they're just like, there's something about like a big heavy-duty truck and then painting it lilac. Like, I just, I love that look, and I like the aesthetic. And every time I see someone driving it, they look like they have carefree lives. And that's what I'm trying to bring to me. Every time you see someone in a Bronco, they look like they have carefree lives and that's what i'm trying to bring to me every time you see someone in a bronco they look like they're having the time of their life and they're yeah it's carefree unless you're oj well yeah he is a later model

that's why i wasn't so carefree the later model stressful um because i was toying with i was like it's either that or i want like a vintage like uh oh god i can't think of any cars right now i was like a vintage muscle car and then i was like do i really want a muscle car an american muscle car because i was like i already have like a japanese sports car uh but the 90s i don't want anything past 90s yeah um and then i was like uh-oh if i get any more cars i'm gonna have to get like a garage this is such a bougie conversation people who collect cars are out of their minds um you know when we were trying to like drive on a racetrack yes i still really would like to do

that i think there's something like that in atlanta too oh my god atlanta's gonna be the place of my dreams i get to test drive a bronco i get to do a racetrack it's the porsche one right the porsche experience i honestly can't i don't even know where i saw this or what i was looking at that told me this information. But I was like, oh, I think that's what we were trying to do. Maybe it's the Porsche experience. Lord Jesus, I can't wait. I just love zoom, zooming, zoom, zoom around.

You really do. Oh, God, I love it. And then my other car truly wasn't like the shipping was almost expensive as the car. The car. Yeah, the shipping gets you. It was truly wild. And then you have to register it, and that was a whole thing. My God.

And then the battery died because the alarm system was connected to the battery. And I don't know how it was draining it, but it only ran for, like, two weeks. And then it was like, sorry, it won't turn on. So then I had to have it towed from my garage. It was a whole to do. It was a whole thing. That's what happens when you have old cars. I know.

But guess what? She's fixed. I tinted those windows. You cannot see inside. I was driving her the other day. And I kept looking around. I was like, how come no one is oohing and aahing at my dream car? And then I forgot nobody gives a shit about cars.

Yeah. Not everyone cares that much. No, just me and everyone who went to the LA auto show. Oh yes. Did we talk about the LA auto show? I don't know, but I can't wait to go back next year.

I had a time at the LA Auto Show. I had a tarot card reading. I saw a jet ski boat car combo thing. We had nasty pretzels. It was truly delightful. I was very sad because they didn't have any of the new Lincolns. Oh, but then we saw lincoln on the street and you stopped and crouched in front of it and you were like look at it and now every

time i see a lincoln i think of you well the grill is slightly different than other generations i don't think i would have known i don't think i would have had any idea i really really liked it and then i forgot to look at the cadillacs because those also take you to the airport and mano was like why are you so excited to see the lincolns and i said because they take you to the airport and i want to see my future it's really great and then every time mano saw something he liked he would go well that's because they take you to the airport and I want to see my future. That's really great. And then every time Mano saw something he liked, he would go, well, that's New York funky.

And then we all started saying it was me, him, and Drew. And then I couldn't stop laughing after we go, ooh, that's New York funky. So I'm pretty sure everyone at the LA Auto Show thought there was something wrong with us. Well, I mean, they're also really excited about cars too so they're probably like yes they they get it um volkswagen has an electric division now and it's called pole star isn't that a weird name pole star yeah p-o-E, star. It sounds like a strip club. It sounds like porn star. Yeah. Also, when they did that really stupid ad campaign years ago where they were like,

this is what it would look like if Volkswagen had electric. And then people were like, we want that car. And they were like, oops, sorry, we're actually not selling any of these and don't even have them designed yet and people are like why did you even do this was that volvo or volkswagen it was volkswagen because i remember because they called it volts wagon that t oh that's funny and people were like holy shit they're doing electric and they're like oh we didn't know you guys wanted it that bad yeah people be wanting electric cars um i think it's dodge i think it's yeah it's the dodge challenger i'm having real brain farts this morning they have a fully electric muscle car where the whatever powers the car mimics an engine and shakes the car like it's an engine.

And I was like, oh my god, that's fucking cool. And then there was this lady walking around. She was talking about it. And I just made a joke and I was like, how come she's not in a bikini? And then this man was like, and I was like, oh, I'm kidding. I'm just...

But this is at the auto show? Yeah. He really hated that joke. He's like, hey, we might like cars, but we respect women here. And then, Sushir, at the auto show, I called them rides, but you could just test drive the cars. And Jeep and Ford, they have the Bronco that you could drive. You could go up this big fucking hill and then down this fucking hill. And I was like, is this the first time in my life I go to the front of the line and go, do you know who I am? Because the lines are so long.

And then I was like, I can't be embarrassed like that at the L.A. Convention Center, at the L.A. Auto Show. Like, that's too much. I think I'd have to just pack it in and never leave my home again but i really wanted to i wonder if they would have those things those people who uh you know when you're at disney world or disneyland and they have like a guide who like brings you to the front of the line that you can pay for i wonder if they have that if anybody knows please let me know Wait, you like Disney, right? I do, yeah I have been twice now

I will go with you if wanted Yes I will do the front of the line thing with you Yeah Because waiting for the lines is barbaric Just standing there It's much better to breeze through yeah i'll do that with you that sounds like a nice time i also want to go to club 96 or whatever the fuck it's called oh yeah maybe it's club 365 or something yeah i know what you're talking about i've heard about it but i

don't know anything about it um me either but back to the la auto show so you know how you're supposed to get 10 000 steps a day yeah the day i went to the la auto show i had also flown back from chicago i got over 10 000 steps and i was like so every day am i supposed to go to the fucking airport and then the auto show who's walking this much who because i was walking for like hours how are people getting 10 000 steps i think like um exercise like it's like a point for how long i don't think they're doing like naturally 10 000 steps i think it's like oh i took a walk on my lunch break or like i ran oh or they have a job where they walk around a lot but yeah i think i think you have to plan it how many steps do you get on on average do you know i never check i have no idea do you have your phone near you i don't but i can get it okay Okay. Go get it. Pull that shit out.

Jordan, how many steps do you take a day? I also don't know, but it's not enough. I do know that. Is your phone near you? My phone is near me. What am I looking for on my phone? So, okay, you got to go to health. Oh, I deleted that.

Jordan! Yeah, I don't have that. Jordan! Oh my God, I like barely fucking walk. Oh, this is when I had COVID. I was like, 200 steps. Okay, where do you find your steps? Okay, I'm not.

I am not sharing mine. I'll share. No, you'll. I doubt it's as bad as mine you go to that heart that says health yes yes and then after you click on it um scroll down to steps i see so yesterday i got 8 500 steps? What were you doing? What was I doing? Oh, I guess I went out last night. Oh, my God.

What else could I have been doing? What else was I doing yesterday? Maybe shopping? I guess I was just walking around. Oh, my God. But then, okay, so let's see. around oh my god but then okay so let's see last week uh my average steps were um 4 700 and then and the week before that was 2 000 so i think it just depends i'm not always getting 8 000 i think yesterday was very rare okay jordan what was yours for the week i don't know

if i can actually find it because i will like just chuck my phone somewhere and it just doesn't track me. Oh, yeah. But I can tell you yesterday, which I had a very cleaning. I was, like, cleaning all around doing laundry. So I have, like, 3,000. But the day before it was, like, 1,500 because I was literally on my desk all day working. Okay, what is your average? My average, maybe 2,000.

Okay, my average this week was 2,566. The week before was only 1,200. And last Wednesday, I only took 338 steps but i have those days too like if i'm looking at mine it'll be like you should probably walk more but i edit all day it's hard to yeah like i'm trying to be better that's like a something for 2023 is yeah moving more going outside is that gonna be a resolution for you me yeah definitely is is moving more because i know that it brings me joy oh that sounds nice i just don't get it like it's just hard because you're behind a computer all day i have to listen to you guys you guys won't let me walk around

we didn't tell you not to walk around you can walk around while we're talking yeah get one of those floating movable desks i bought a little stepper guy i have not used it once i'm trying i'm trying i bought a trampoline i'm trying you bought a trampoline i bought a mini trampoline to fucking jump on that's fun have i taken out of the box yet sure haven't what is the stepper guy you're talking about um how do i explain it it's a stepper um i watched this lady i'm doing it with my feet. You can't see. Oh, it's the in place one where you just. Yes.

Yeah. It's just you just plant your feet on a device and you kind of just like it's like you swivel. Yeah. It's like an elliptical without the or like a step, a stepper machine without any of the stuff in front. And it's like portable. Also, I'm over the weight limit i thought i researched it well enough i did not but it hasn't broken under me so that's a good thing um yeah i'm just like trying to figure out fun ways to move my body because i went to the doctor and she was like friend um your body's rotting from the inside out oh here's a separate thing that's what i have okay okay from what qvc home shopping network okay nice nice nice this health app that tells

us our steps reminded me of when i had a trainer and then i stopped seeing the trainer because i was like i don't want to do this anymore i just don't want to but um he was asking something about maybe my steps or something i don't know there's something on the app that he wanted to see but i was also tracking my period on this app and also my um cervical mucus and and I couldn't find whatever he was asking. So I just showed him my screen. And it said, like, something like creamy or like. Like creamy thickness or something like that at the top. And like. What a dream.

He's like, okay. And then, like, later I looked at the screen and like what a dream he's like okay and then like later i looked at the screen and i was like oh fuck not only does like i guess he got whatever information he needed but he also knows that i currently have a creamy consistent i never wanted to know this about this person but i know that they're creaming that's really funny. Yeah. So, you know, now I have that information in a different app for that.

I have a question. Okay. So my pussy bleaches my underwear. That happens sometimes. Yeah. I was really self-conscious about it. And I was like, something's going on. It's too powerful. Something something's going it's bad

um and then I would always like well like not wet wipe but like feminine wipe it before someone went down on me because I was like I don't want them to get their mouth bleached and then I saw a video that was like no you want your your pussy to bleach your underwear yeah it means that like the ph is right and it's doing what it's supposed to be doing yeah and let me tell you how come I don't know stuff I don't think we could well because that is not taught to us that's not like um for some reason that information is is not specifically taught like i had to take other like zoom classes about like ph stuff or like cervical mucus or like tracking yourself like there's all this information out there that just isn't automatically given to

girls or women to learn about themselves. It's wild. And you know what else I learned about? Boric acid. Do you use that? I don't think so, no. If your pH gets a little funky, they have these suppositories, and you just, like, pop one.

And for me, one every, like, month kind of resets it, and it's, like, all good down there. But I kept going to the gynecologist being like,'s going on and i don't know what it is and she'd be like well it's not a yeast infection it's not a urinary tract infection and then she was like you should try these little boric acid suppositories and they were really helpful for me and i also did some digging on the internet it took me a while while to come to that conclusion to use those once a month or whatever, or as needed. But again, I was like, how come nobody told me until now? I know.

I don't know. You just have to have a want and desire to investigate this on your own. I'm almost 40, and I still don't really know how my fucking vagina works. I know. Isn't that wild? It really is. I have gray hairs, and I'm like, am almost 40 and i still don't really know how my fucking vagina works i know is it wild it really is i have gray hairs and i'm like i don't know how my body works there needs to be like extensive courses on health and bodies in school like so like not just a general health course like

like kind of how you take like spanish Spanish 101, Spanish 201, Spanish 301. There needs to be, like, health 101, health 201. Like, throughout grades, you need to be taking more classes. It would be nice. Yeah, like, I didn't learn how to track my period until way later. For a long time, I'd be like, I'm wild once a month, and I don't know why. And then finally my therapist was like, do you think's pms and i was like what but i've since discovered i also think i have pmdd do you know what that is i don't know what it stands for but can you explain it? So right before your period, it is like intense PMS and heavy fucking mood swings. And then like a deep, deep depression where you go, maybe nothing's worth it.

Then you start bleeding and you're like, okay. And then you also like the literal definitions, you sabotage relationships. And there have been times where I'm just like, well, I won't bother my friend. You know, I shan't. It's not for me. Nobody needs me to call them ever again. And then I need to track your period, too. So I'm like, oh, that's why she's not calling me.

Honestly, I can let you know. I'll get an app where I can let you know what the login is i just give it to all my friends so i'm like this is why i'm i'm crazy right now i think there actually is an app where you can share that information i think it's for partners but i think you can share it with anybody so that like the person you're with can be like oh she might be getting a headache or like she might be cranky for these reasons or like uh-oh like she might be craving these things so like they're like like understanding your body like you are uh-huh so i dated a man where uh i was like just ask me if my period is coming. And he was like, are you fucking kidding? He's like, that's a trap that I'm not walking into.

Cause what if it's the wrong time? And he's like, and you're like pissed. And he's like, and he asked that and you're like, actually, no, it just finished.

It finished. I'm being irrational because that's who I am. This is me. Oh, boy. Sashir, look at this box in my office. Oh, it's a, oh. It is a chair. Is this a, and is that one box or that eight boxes

it's like two boxes kind of like finagled together i don't actually know but i bought a chair for over for my desk because right now i'm sitting in like a kitchen chair and it's like not comfy cozy not for me um so i bought this like green and like golden striped like yummy chair. They sent me a white one. That's not what you ordered. That's not what I ordered. Also, I'm a messy bitch. Who's bills?

They were trying to sabotage me. We don't want you in a white chair. No. So you have to send it back? Yeah, I have to fucking send it back and i don't want to deal with it do you know what i mean yeah also it was urban outfitters and urban outfitters didn't take the box they didn't unbox it and take the box they don't do that they just deliver it and then they don't put your shit together either i bought a bed uh for them white glove delivery

they do not have a white glove delivery and their shit glove delivery they do not have a white glove delivery and their shit is too expensive to not have a white glove delivery anthropology is a white glove delivery what's now has a white glove delivery everybody has a white glove delivery except for urban outfitters they think i'm handy i bought a bookcase from there i was like bitch i don't understand this and then i had to buy, that's why I had to buy my power screwdriver that everybody looked to be funny at Home Depot. I'll never forget Home Depot for that. Made me feel like trash. I'm so sorry.

So wait, is the thing in the box the correct chair? No, that's why it's still in the box. I see. And it's so cute and I'm so mad that it's not here. I really want to sit my fat ass in a nice new chair. I'm so sorry. I want to podcast comfortably. Should we answer questions?

Yeah, let's answer some questions. Oh, my God. Let's try this one. Hi, Nicole and Tashir. I have a best friend related question for you. So the question is as follows. My best friend of 10 plus years has been very, I'm not going to say ghosting me, but she's been very aloof, let's say, for a while. for a while. I don't really know why. And I've been wanting to ask her, but I literally cannot get a hold of her. To be fair, she has always been very bad at responding to texts, very bad

at answering the phone, very bad at getting back to you. Like you really have to be persistent. This has always been the case in the 10 years that I've known her. So that part's not new. to you like you really have to be persistent this has always been the case in the 10 years that I've known her so that part's not new um but you know we don't see each other very much we used to see each other probably like every other week at least even though she is in school again uh getting her like upper degree second degree whatever. She's back in school getting a master's degree. I don't see her anymore. She earlier this year had a really, really rough breakup and is

still remaining friends with the ex now. And she keeps calling him her best friend. And that's like the justification she has for why she's still talking to him. She's like, oh, well, I want to I miss my best friend in my life. I was like, but I'm your best friend, I thought.

And you can have more than one best friend. But ever since she's been making more space for him in her life, even though he dumped her, she just kind of doesn't make space for me anymore. She also just doesn't really try to make plans again if they fall through. Like we were still hanging out last weekend for the first time in like six weeks. And then she got COVID. And then I texted her several days later and I was like, hey, are you feeling better? Are you doing okay?

Do you need anything? She's like, yeah, I'm better. Thank you. But didn't try to reschedule. And I'm autistic, so I can't really read signs. And I can't tell if this is, you know, her life being busy or her not wanting to talk to me anymore. And I don't know how to get a hold of her to ask.

I do know where she lives, but it seems messed up to just show up there without inviting, getting an invitation. So any thoughts you may have on what the heck to do would be lovely. You guys have been friends for so long. Can you imagine just ghosting the other one with no explanation? Seems crazy, no?

Anyway, have a lovely time. I think you have to just talk to her. Because I know I do that sometimes where I'm like, I got to give my friends space or whatever. And then I'm like, well, I won't reach out. They seem a little busy.

And it seems like you're doing what I'm doing, where you're like, I'm not reaching out because she's in grad school. And she needs to hang out with her ex-boyfriend who's her best friend, even though I'm her best friend, but she needs that friendship maybe more than our friendship or something. I do that a lot where I make up whole stories, like full-blown 84-chapter stories that just aren't true because I haven't asked anybody and I've just made it up in my brain so I think a nice thing might be if you can get her on the phone to have a phone call about it or maybe if she likes lasagna make her make her a lasagna and ask her to have a lasagna night and then while you a lasagna night. And then while you have lasagna night, be like,

hey, I feel like we've been a little distant. Is it me? Or is there something I can help you with? Or I just miss you and I miss my best friend. And then hopefully she'll be open and honest and explain to you what's going on. Or it'll continue and then you have to take care of yourself. And you have to stop reaching out maybe and take care of yourself.

Because it's not fun or fair to be in a one-sided thing. But if it's not a real one-sided thing and you've just been giving her space for no reason and she's just been taking it, then talk about it. Yeah, I like that. just been giving her space for no reason and she's just been taking it then talk about it yeah i like that yeah i think uh you can maybe be like hey i know you're busy with school and etc can i come over and then this could maybe be the lasagna night or something like but maybe you make it easy for your friend like i'll come over to your place i'll bring snacks whatever we can hang out as long as you're able to and you know i miss you i would like to see you and then hopefully while you're there you can have that conversation and if that doesn't happen i think you can just text the question

like what's going on like like this person is receiving your texts and responding. So you could just be like, Hey, it feels like maybe, uh, we're having some like communication issues or like, it seems like I'm trying to, I would love to hang out with you, but it doesn't seem like you're wanting to do the same something up. Um, and I've had to do that. I had a friend who was ghosting me and it kind of ignoring me and it seemed like they were mad, but, like, not saying it. And I couldn't really understand what was going on. So I just straight up said, like, hey, it kind of feels like you're ignoring me. Can I talk to you? And then, like, they finally were like, yes, we can talk.

And we talked on the phone about it. But I had to, like, literally call them out. Because otherwise it just would have been, like, a weird, like, what is happening thing. And, like, maybe just petered out but once they were confronted with like i can see you i can see what's happening they were like oh yes i am doing that call me and then we talked um which is not great that's not that's not a great way for that to happen but uh and not even saying that your friend is mad at you but we don't know we really have no information at all because they're not giving it to you and so you can just be like i'm just confused like we usually hang out we are

currently not i miss you would like to hang out is something going on um and it could be something that has nothing to do with you. They may not even notice and be like, oh, I was so preoccupied with this other stuff with like my school, my ex, whatever. I didn't even notice that I wasn't hanging out with you that much. I'm so sorry. We don't know. But this person won't be able to assess it until you bring it up. So, yeah, I think no matter how you talk to this person person i do think you need to bring it up in some way um and it could be the ex and like i i also had a friend who was consumed with a relationship and um like thought they had to like just be home more and like they kind of like

distance themselves from their friends not even because the partner was asking them to do that they just like on their own was was doing that and I was trying to reach out and was trying to like hang out and then after a while I was kind of like I guess they'll just come to me when they need to and I just stopped which like felt weird and bad, but I was like, I can't overextend myself for someone who doesn't want to hang out. So, uh, I just like focus more on my other friends. And then eventually she got out of that relationship and came back and was like, kind of like, whew, I didn't realize like how off the grid i was and i was like oh yeah you were like extremely unreachable and she was like oh are you serious and i was like yeah like i missed you i

couldn't get a hold of you like you were never around or available and she's like oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't realize i was doing any of that i was like i mean i'm glad you're back but but some people don't realize what they're in yeah when they're in it yeah and it yeah and it might be the ex and like sashir said she might come back later i also had a friend who was like consumed with her boyfriend and we just didn't talk anymore and then they didn't have a great breakup but when they finally broke up she did explain what was going on and i was like oh but she also was not a great friend and the damage was already done so we never really got back to where we were but you know i don't wish that for you and that's not

your that's not your truth yeah that won't happen to you guys i think as long as if you bring it up now don't like wait for it to get worse because i let that one go on for years yeah yeah don't wait that long because you don't want to fester and then you build resentment or or you're like completely not talking at all yeah while this person's still responding to your text uh you know either try to meet up and talk about it or just say what's going on friend yeah i love that yeah all right all all that's all the time we have you'll have to tune in to our next episode to hear more

of our banter yes if you have oh okay you go no friend no friend no no no okay well I'll take the reins here so if you want to dibble and dabble and listen to us gab about your issues,

you can email Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com or call or text 424-645-7003. Also, if you'd like to wear our faces on your body, we have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. Lastly, we appreciate your support and all the love you give to us on a weekly basis. So please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support

this show. Good night. Good night. The way you read that took me out