Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Is Making Her Own Breakfast

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Friends! This week, Sasheer shares she needs new cardio options since she was exercise shamed in Africa. Nicole has been doing private pole and loves exercises with affirmations. Sasheer likes to leave the house to exercise. It helps with her motivation. Nicole reveals that breakfast is not the most important meal of the day. Sasheer is making her own breakfast now. Nicole wants breakfast to be served all day. Plus, they both answer your friendship questions about reaching out to past friends and how to handle friends who are not feeling a new partner.  This was recorded on Jan. 25th, 2024.  Sources: https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/diet-nutrition/breakfast-most-important-meal-day Here is the quiz we took:https://www.buzzfeed.com/hazelyxlee/pasta-best-quality-quiz Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, hi, hi. So I do have some shows coming up on February 16th. I'm at JFL just for laughs in Vancouver. And then on February 23rd through 24th, I'm doing four shows at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona. So come on over. Come on over, baby. Hello, Sashir. Hello, Nicole. How are you? I'm good. I don't think i have any updates i've been trying to look for more cardio exercise classes because that man insulted me at victoria falls and said uh don't you do sports when i was winded from swimming you come to the front you are the weakest swimmer it's been reigned in my brain i'll never forget it what cardio activities have you found

i found a dance studio near me and they had a class that was like um I don't know if it's, it was called Pound. And it was like, you have drumsticks. And then you, like, air drum or something. I don't know if this is like a thing that many studios do or just this one studio does. But then I couldn't do it. Oh, because I got COVID. That's what it was. I signed up for it. Got COVID. Had to cancel. but then i couldn't do it oh because i got covet that's what it was i signed up for it got covet had to cancel so i still haven't done it yet but i i am intrigued you gotta get in it you gotta fucking do it pound those drums um have what is like

you could just do those videos I do with Daniel. They do sound so loving and supportive. I love Daniel. I don't like his wife. She goes too fast and she doesn't tell me to take a break and sit down if I want. She just like really, she's like, we're doing it. And Daniel's like, think about why you'd want to do this. Sit down if you want.

Watch us. And I like it. But that's cardio, I think. Yeah, it sounds like it. I think I like leaving my house to work out the same way I like doing work outside of my house. Because if I'm home, I can just stop. Like, what's nothing stopping me from just being like, I'm home. I can just stop. Like what's. Nothing stopping me from just being like.

I'm going to put a pause on this. And. Get to doing anything else. I'll just. Fuck around. And do other things. At the end. There's inspirational music.

And Daniel makes a ball with his fist. And pumps it up in the air. And it's in slow motion. And you don't get that when you pause and that sounds so wonderful but i don't know if that's enough of an incentive for me to keep going i get it i get it i love uh affirmations i think that's why i like polls so much because everyone's like you did it and i'm like i did it clap for me i did and nobody does that in group classes uh the ones i've done i did zumba nobody cheered for me

at the end i zoomed real hard and no one cheered not one person cheered so i was like this isn't for me yeah um yeah but i i mean if you don't need the cheering i guess yeah leave your house and go exercise cheering is nice but yeah i guess i don't need it there was um a time where i was doing booty yoga oh i remember this yeah it's b-u-t-i and it was like it's like a lot of dancing. And sometimes you would truly hold hands and spin around in a circle with the whole group. And it felt very like, we're a community. We're on this journey together.

And then you never talk to each other again. But it was very sweet. That's very funny. I love that. I hope they're all spinning around in a circle right now being like where's the shit yeah maybe they are a community and i didn't realize i had to keep coming yeah you have to keep going that's community you have to keep showing up for each other yeah this is true i haven't been to a pole class class in so long

i just do my little privates yeah um so i feel a little distanced from the community but maybe i'll take a class one of these days although last time i took a class it was too hard and i was like i can't do this shit and then she was like just keep trying and it was a teacher that i normally don't have and i was like okay help, help me. Help me keep trying. Give me a different way to get into this. And she was like, don't know. Yeah, it's much different than having someone who knows your skill set and has known your body for years. I can be like, this is what we're working on,

as opposed to a general class where they're like, I hope you all can do this. working on as opposed to a general class where they're like i hope you all can do this and it was a class where i think half of them had been going at like uh for like weeks on end or months on end so she's like we're just picking up where we continued and i was like you're picking up some much further than i've ever been um yeah this is not a continuation for me at all this is all new brand fucking new lady y'all still really hard to get upside down i mean i can get upside down but i just can't hold myself there it's so fucking hard and everyone makes it look so fucking easy

yeah but there was a stretch of time where you couldn't even get upside down like what a what a gift to have a new problem of like okay i can get upside down i just can't hold it for that long but the the the journey of getting upside down has been conquered thank you that's nice yeah that journey has been conquered and now i'm on a new journey which is holding my fat little body upside down on a thin thin little pole but it's possible it is i've seen it on instagram other fatties can do it so i think i can yes i believe i just have a hard time getting my little knee or the back of my knee where it needs to be. The other day I was trying to do like a layback where you have the pole between your legs and then you just lay back and those thighs squeeze the pole. And I did it for a hot second.

And then I got excited and I fell. Not hard. I have a little pad. So when I fall, it's just like, onto fluff. Mm-hmm. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. should we do a quiz what did you have nothing to update me with? I mean, I really, honestly, I don't. The next thing I'm going to say is not exciting. What is it? I've been like making my own breakfast. I bought spinach, eggs, smoked salmon. I still had hummus in my fridge.

And I put it together, made a like little breakfast bowl and it was tasty i love this news for you i've been making my own breakfast that's why i didn't want to get into it because it isn't really an update. I made my own breakfast now. Eggs, salmon, spinach, and I put it in a bowl. You're assembling. You're not making a breakfast. I made those eggs. I fried those eggs all by my damn self. All right.

You want to know something I learned yes breakfast is not the most important meal of the day it is something that kellogg's has big big cereal oh big cereal said breakfast is the most important meal of the day don't you want a bowl of kellogg's no i don't wow no i don't wow and for years, people are like, Nicole, you got to eat breakfast. I am not hungry until the mid afternoon, sometimes nightfall. And I don't want it. Food sometimes slows me down. But then I do know that like during the day, your metabolism does work better. So like the earlier you eat, it is technically better, but breakfast is not the most important meal of the day. Is there a most important meal or just like the meals are just eat, just eat, just eat food.

I think it's just eat food when you're hungry. Let's see for skipping, for some skipping, uh oh. For some skipping breakfast can be detrimental to their day, especially for kids, but others may feel better fasting until lunch. Experts agree, while breakfast provides benefits,

one meal isn't more important than the other. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. That's what milk did too. Big milk. Big milk was like, you need this for your bones you better suck on a cow's udder all day every day it's the only way to get calcium

i've learned that like a smoothie or like a protein shake or like juice in the morning is best for me. But breakfast foods aren't served in the afternoon. So sometimes I'll eat breakfast even though I'm not hungry because I want breakfast food. Yeah. But if you go to like a diner type place, they definitely have breakfast food later in the day. And what diner in L. in LA am I going to? Millie's. They don't have alcohol?

Oh, I see. I guess it's not actually about the breakfast food. I want a mimosa with my eggs, please. Give me a mimosa with my eggs, please. Give me a mimosa. When we were in Africa, we had a mimosa served to us by a woman who said, would anyone like a mimosa? A mimosa is a drink that is champagne, but mostly orange juice. And the way Sashir looked at her was my favorite way she's ever looked at a human being.

She was like, you're trying to tell me what a mimosa i know what a mimosa is give me my mimosa but she also felt like she just got to earth like she had never experienced humans there were many things she did where i was like why are you telling us a mimosa is a beverage that consists mostly of orange juice and a little bit of champagne and i was like that's how you make them my mimosa is mostly champagne with a splash of orange juice okay i'm celebrating the morning happening she got up, so we have to celebrate. But I'm just like, why doesn't breakfast run into lunch? Why is it only on the weekends where you can get brunch until the afternoon? I think we've had this conversation before, but it's really pressing on my heart. I mean, yeah, there shouldn't be rules.

Like, why can't breakfast food just be food that you can have at any point? Yeah. I feel like in other countries, they have noodles and stuff for breakfast. So if they have noodles for breakfast, which is like all-day food, why can't breakfast be an all-day food? How do I start a revolution? Sometimes my first meal of the day is like pizza or something because i you know it's past breakfast time and now i'm eating now i've moved on to lunch foods but like if there's

there's no rules there it's not like you can't have pizza until 5 p.m or like you can't you can't have steak until 6 30 you can have that whenever you want. Same thing should be for eggs. I agree. My favorite time growing up was when my mama go, who wants breakfast for dinner? And I'd be like, ah, me! Put that fucking egg o' waffle in the toaster.

Yes! Eggs! I was so excited. I loved it. That's fun. Good times. Okay, now should we take a quiz? Yeah, we've talked about breakfast

enough. So proud of you for your salmon concoction. Thank you! I'm proud. Make some pasta to reveal your concoction. Thank you. I'm proud. Ooh. Make some pasta to reveal your best personality trait. That looks good. I like that. Your best personality

trait. Great. Yeah. I wonder what my best personality trait is. BuzzFeed's gonna tell me. You'll find out. First, pick a type of pasta. All right, we got spaghetti. Linguine.

We got the macaroni. Fusilli. Epene. Farfalle. Farfalle? Farfalle? I don't, yeah, farfalle. Gnocchi. Rigatoni. I remember the first time i saw gnocchi on the

menu i was like what is a ganache and everyone ha ha he he'd at me and i was like well how do you learn unless you ask questions we don't have to laugh at me that's true you've never seen it before i hadn't never in my whole entire life but now i know it's gnocchi i do love a traditional spaghetti oh okay i do like linguine but I also like macaroni. But I think I'm going to go with penne. Oh. Wait, no, no. I'm going to go with rigatoni. I love those big barrel of a nude.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Big old nudes. Mm-hmm. I love pasta. It's so good. That video you sent me was so nasty of that woman putting hot dogs he sent me a video of a woman putting hot dogs in was it rigatoni or was like a big old tube it was

like a cannoli tube or something i can't remember the name of it but uh and yeah it's like a big rigatoni and then uh put chili on top of that uh-huh and cheese and onions and then ketchup uh-huh and and probably other stuff and mustard oh and mustard and then baked it with more cheese on top and was and then like have a slice and then eat it and i was like this is mostly hot dogs. And I love hot dogs. But that looked really upsetting. Disgusting. It looked so disgusting. There is like a trend of white people on like TikTok and Instagram putting all of these things in one pan. Yeah.

And then like cooking it and then being like, oh, this is so good. And I'm like, uh-uhuh that doesn't look good at all this looks nasty but i wonder are some of these people trolling us because sometimes they're so extreme where i'm like there's no way you think there's no way you thought this was so good that you had to demonstrate it for the world? Like, or like, or are you trying to create a nasty looking thing so that it goes viral? Cause everyone's like,

I think it might be the latter. I think people are trying to go viral, baby. Yeah. And they're like, Oh, she put a shoe in it. She cooked,

she cooked pasta in a shoe. Disgusting. I would love to see someone cook pasta in a shoe in it. She cooked pasta in a shoe. Disgusting. I would love to see someone cook pasta in a shoe. I would love to see that. Because what shoe's not going to burn right up? Maybe they just like serve it in a shoe. Maybe. Speaking of shoes, I just bought some purple boots.

And they came in. They're stunning. And I can't wait to stomp around in them. I can't wait for you to stomp around in them. Pick a pasta sauce. Bolognese. Carbonara. Pesto.

Marinara. Alfredo. Uh-oh. Aglio dioglio. I also don't know how to pronounce this. Aglio Dioglio? Aglio Dioglio? Aglio Dioglio.

That's a fun name. I've never had it. I've never had it, never seen it. Yeah, what's Aglio Dioglio? Aglio. it i've never had it never seen it yeah what's aglio e olio aglio aglio e olio oh spaghetti with garlic and olive oil that looks tasty it does look tasty. Great. Now we know. Vodka sauce. Cacio e pepe. I love cacio e pepe.

Same. But I also love bolognese. Same. And I do love a pesto. And I do love a pesto. And I do love a carbonara. Oh, this is hard. Oh. Okay. I'm going to say carbonara.

Okay. I'm going to say caucha e pepe. I'm sure we've talked about this on the show, but remember when we tried to make carbonara in my apartment when I was a little potato? And I just scrambled some eggs.

Yes, you're like, I know an egg is involved. So you just plopped an egg in there. And it really was just scrambled eggs with pasta. Which, again, if there wasn't such a bias on eggs later than breakfast, it would have been a fine dish to have at midnight. It would have been great. Have you ever had breakfast pasta?

I don't think so. Okay. There's this place called Hugo's that I really like. And I once took a friend and they didn't like it. But it's like noodles, scramby eggs, this lovely buttery sauce, bacon, some green stuff. It's so good. I mean, that sounds great. I want to try. I'll go. Okay. I'll so good. I mean, that sounds great. I would,

I want to try. I'll go. Okay. I'll take you. Thank you. Yes. Choose a topic. Nothing.

Cheese. Tomatoes. Yeah. Unpasta. Well, I mean, am I choosing a topping for my car, but for my cacio e pepe?

Or just in general? Yeah, I guess. I don't know if we have to be beholden to a dish. I don't know if we're creating a dish. I think it's just like what you like out of these things. Oh, I guess this is your pasta order. Hmm. Huh.

So, so far I picked spaghetti and carbonara okay yeah spaghetti carbonara and i have picked rigatoni cacio e pepe okay that's a thing that's a thing and then now we need a topping okay so i guess, do you want tomatoes on your cacio e pepe? Yeah. No. Or meatballs? Or mushrooms? Basil. I do like basil. Spinach? Rosemary. Well, this sucks because I would love to have a meatball, but I don't want it on my cacio e pepe.

Yeah. I guess I'm going to say some cheese. I'd like a little cheese on top. I guess I'm going to say some cheese. I'd like a little cheese on top. Remember in Italy I got yelled at for asking for Parmesan cheese? Yes, and then we brought it up to someone from Italy when we were traveling in South Africa. And you were like, this happened.

And I asked for Parmesan cheese and they wouldn't give it to me. And he's like, well, what dish did you have? And you're like, carbonara. He goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You wouldn't do that. That's not what you do. All right. Great.

He suggested a different cheese, but I can't remember what it was. Pecorino. Yeah. Which is a little bit more pungent a little funkier but I like pecorino or maybe it's sharper I don't know but I'm doing I'm putting some cheese on top I'm putting um

basil yes diva some basil now select a side nothing salad soup fries bruschetta potato wedges Select a side. Nothing. Salad. Soup. Fries.

Bruschetta. Potato wedges. Coleslaw. Well, this is interesting. Falafel. Okay. I'm going with bruschetta. Okay.

Oh, my God. Have you ever been to Bowery Bungalow? Uh-huh. Yeah. They have a bruschetta that's really good. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's so good.

I, hmm. What do I want? Mm. You gonna get some coleslaw? Oh no, I hate coleslaw. It's nasty. I don't like coleslaw at all no i don't like the texture i just don't it's sick don't want anything to do with it no um maybe i'll have potato wedges which seems okay yeah but i like potato wedges i'm a french fry girl i'm not here for potato wedges i said that very strangely potato

wedges and finally wash it all down with a drink nothing water wine lemonade cocktail juice Cocktail. Juice. Coffee. Soda. But foreign soda. These are foreign sodas. Interesting. I'm going to have some wine with my pasta. I like a lemonade. Maybe I'll have a lemonade. You do love lemonade. I do.

This is sashiers. Wow. Okay, to remind you, we are ordering a pasta dish to reveal our absolute best quality. Mine is intelligence. You have a big brain and a passion for knowledge. You know more about most things than many people, but you never use your intellect to make anyone feel less than you. You're going to do big things one day. Wow.

One day. One day, Sashu, you'll do big things. Mine's humor. You're the kind of person who always knows how to lighten the mood. You love to crack jokes

and make people laugh. That's why everyone always feels happier when you enter a room. Wow. BuzzFeed really knows us. BuzzFeed, they really do. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Well, we did it. We ordered pasta and figured out what our best personality traits are. We couldn't have done it without you, BuzzFeed. Thank you, BuzzFeed. Should we answer questions now? Hell let's fucking uh get it oh boy wait first i want to tell you that boy luke foods that i like who he has foods he reviewed a uh i guess subway has a

foot long cookie now so he bought two of them put ice cream in the mix oh i really liked it i like it so much or you can describe it for people who haven't seen it oh so he got two foot long chocolate chip cookies and he put ice cream in between and then he tasted it and he was like oh man this is great he was like i give it seven out of ten and then he was like when i came here last time the cookie was dry and i don't know why i'm telling you this. I just like him so much. I also like him because he's very genuine and honest. He's not trying to like sugarcoat anything or like he's just like, this is how I actually feel about this. And yeah, he's the everyman. I like it.

He is the everyman. And I hope he doesn't get too popular and gets I don't want him to get too far away from who he is. Yeah. Stay true to yourself it's like yeah luke food stay true to you um but it's like when your favorite small ice cream chain expands too fast and then they have to close yes you know i common occurrence for people i know i just i just don't want him to get too far away. Don't stray from the path, Luke Foods. Okay.

Now we can answer queries. Okay. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I love your podcast so much. Wednesday mornings at my job are annoying, but listening to your podcast makes it better. Aw. You're both so funny and so smart. And BuzzFeed agrees. Yes. Anyway, I have a question about if I should approach an old friend

I haven't spoken to in 10-ish years. We were best friends in high school and we remained friends into our mid-20s. We drifted apart and stopped talking. There wasn't a confrontation or anything like that. We were just in different places and lived very different lives at the time. In high school, we were super close. We spent all of our time together and got along so well. We had similar tastes in music, which was important to us. We could always have fun together and we made each other laugh all the time. It was great. And I'm glad I had that kind of friendship at that time in my life. She's an amazing friend. I've been on a mental health journey the past two years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and OCD last year. Through therapy, I learned that a lot of my symptoms

started when I was a teenager, but I didn't know what they were at the time. I was very depressed and had bad anxiety. I didn't know how to handle it or ask for help. It made me behave poorly sometimes. I don't want to use my disorders as excuses, but some of the ways I acted were because of my different symptoms I had at the time. My friends always did her best to make me happy, and looking back, I realized I took advantage of that. I did other things that were shitty, but I don't want to make this email too long. I feel very bad about the way I acted and the things that I did. I want to reach out to her and apologize, but part of me thinks it's a bad idea. I don't want to pop up out of nowhere and interrupt her life with some big apology.

I want to apologize to her because I know it doesn't feel good to be taken advantage of. I don't want to come off as selfish by apologizing, and I don't want to make excuses for bad behavior. I have no idea what her life is like right now, and I doubt she's still upset about things that happened when we were young so what do you think should i reach out or should i leave her alone how should i approach it if i do reach out um i don't think reaching out with an, since it like it was just a relationship that fizzled out and was just like you grew apart. I don't think reaching out for an apology is quite necessary. I think if you want to rekindle the friendship, I think it's like rekindle the friendship on those pretenses.

And once you're like close again, be like, hey, you know, then you can bring it up and be like hey i was just you know like reminiscing and thinking about when we were younger and i just want to say that like i don't not acknowledge that i behave poorly sometimes i'm sorry i'm on a mental health journey and some of those things were because i was having symptoms of x y and z um because i think people forget that like people aren't thinking about them sometimes like most of the time people aren't thinking about you you're the main character in your story they're the main character in their story if they did harbor feelings it's been years they probably don't think of it anymore so to reach out with this big apology is like wait what i wasn't even thinking of you like i what like

that's just it's i think it would come off as strange yeah or overwhelming it just it could just be too much information too soon um not that it's not a thing you can talk about you could talk about eventually but like yeah i think start the friendship again. And then if it gets to that point, you can like talk about the old times and what you wish you would have done or could have done. But also maybe you can just like say how grateful you are for her friendship. Like as opposed to like, I'm sorry for what I did. It could be like, thank you so much for being such an amazing friend for me in a time where I really needed it.

And I feel like if, it sounds like you guys were really good friends. And so I would hope that her impression of you is as a person who was also her really good friend. So I think if you reach out, she'll be happy to respond and and hopefully open to um having some sort of relationship again especially like i i kind of like it i i like when people from the past come up if i liked them it's like oh yeah like there was a time where we saw each other all the time or like we just like when people from the past come up, if I liked them, it's like, oh yeah,

like there was a time where we saw each other all the time or like, we just like, there was a, just a moment where our worlds interacted all the time. And for whatever reason, because of life or where we live or whatever, we're not in that space anymore. But it's nice when someone's like,

Hey, I was thinking about you or like you crossed my mind or I just miss you and that feels good even if you don't have the capacity to like be in contact as much as you used to it still feels nice to be like oh you thought about me or like you remembered how much i meant to you that's really cool and i and hopefully it'll be reciprocated where she also misses you and also valued the friendship that you had and hopefully wants to create a new version of that today. I like that because it's I don't want anyone reaching out to me with negative things. Yeah, I would love for someone to be like, hey, you were a really great friend to me in our early 20s. And I'll never forget when you X, Y and Z'd.

I just was thinking about you dropping you a line. I'd be like, oh, my God, I was good we should do dinner yes yeah yeah because yeah if it comes off as an apology of like sorry i was such an asshole then you're like oh wait a minute she wasn't she was shitty i don't like her that's's stinky, bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Keep it positive. Yeah. And I hope it,

I think you'll be surprised at how well it will be received. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Solved. Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sashir. I love listening to your show with my best friend

and I'm so excited to get your advice. So I'm having some almost a different long-term best friend of mine. Me and her and her husband and my partner all went to school together and spent a lot of time together when we were students. But about a year and a half ago, I broke up with that partner of over 10 years. I feel like it came to a lot of people outside of us as kind of a shock, and it's been hard for my friend to come to terms with it. Since my breakup, I've started seeing someone new, and it's beginning to feel pretty serious. It's been almost a year, and we're starting to talk about moving in together, but I can tell my friend doesn't like him and doesn't like our relationship.

I mentioned something about spending time with him. She won't acknowledge it or keep the conversation going at all. She'll literally change the subject. But she talks about her husband frequently, so it's not like she's one of those people who doesn't talk about partners. To be honest, I actually don't like her husband or their dynamic. That said, I feel like I've come to terms with it. I recognize that she's in her life. So I do make sure to do my best to ask about him and spend quality time together with the two of them when I visit her. I guess to me, it feels

like her attitude towards my new relationship is really creating distance between us. That said, I wonder if it's also like somehow a reflection of the fact that I don't like her partner. I'm not sure how to talk to her about it or if I even should or if I should just try to let it go. The truth is she's going to have a baby pretty soon and I feel like our long friendship might be on its way out. But that honestly makes me sad and I'd love your advice. Thanks. Wait, so this, she does not like her friend's partner her friend hasn't quite accepted that she is in a new relationship with a new partner okay yeah i would i wonder if this person has suggested double dates um because that could be a way for, I don't know, a group.

If, if all reason their friend is not responding when asked, do you want to hang out with me and my partner is cause maybe they don't want to get to know a new person or, or maybe they do have feelings about like the breakup, who knows, But maybe having their partner there might make them more comfortable. So maybe suggesting, hey, let's have a double date, which it's possible this person didn't ask for a double date because they don't like their friend's partner. But it's not really fair to expect your friend to accept your new partner if you are if you just don't like that person like you can you also don't no one has to get along you can just be accepting like no you don't have to like your friend's partner but they're going to be around and it sounds like they're having a kid so this person is gonna be around around like they're

they're they're in it unless some you know life changes something could happen they might not be around after a few years but as of now they're here so even if you don't like them that's their partner and yeah you should just like i don't know exist around them it should be no you should be able to exist around them because it's easier for your friend and vice versa. Like, ideally, your friend can exist around your new person and it might take time because they don't know them yet. But maybe you can like meet your friend halfway and be like, I'll have my my partner join us, like join our friend group or join our, join your, you and your husband or something. So it doesn't feel like a, like an intentional, like I need you to meet my partner so you can be okay with this new situation I'm in. If that makes sense. I guess I just don't understand. And maybe this is a person who's never been in a relationship. Like, I don't understand why your

partner has to come at all. I don't understand why anybody's partner has to come. Like, if you're friends with this girl or this person, why can't the two of you just hang out sans partners? Like, okay, so you, so she meets your partner, they know they

exist, maybe you go on a double date every now and again, but, like, I just don't understand why you can't just hang out with your friend like i don't know why the partners are even a problem i mean it isn't i don't know i guess you didn't explain if they are not hanging out at all or if they are hanging out just without partners but maybe she would feel like i don't know like her friends are more accepting of her new partner if they get to know her or get to hang out with this person or hang out with their their partner i don't know. I guess it's not completely necessary, but it is like nice.

It is nice to be like, this part of my life gets to be seen by other people in my life. Like I get to share all sides of my life, not just like the chill, like fun girlfriend vibes. Also, you get to know my romantic life. And like when I tell stories about this person, you know who I'm talking about because you met them and you know them. So it's not like I don't think there's a requirement to like be besties with your partner.

But I think it is nice to be like, I enjoy spending time with this person and I enjoy spending time with you. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all hang out together and coexist with each other? Mm hmm. I guess I just feel like it can happen or like more organically where it's like you hang out with your friend because that's your friend. And then every couple months you're like, let's do a double date or something where partners are involved. Yeah, I think it could just happen organically. Like you were with the other person or our caller was with the other person for 10 years. So it's like, yeah, your friends were closer to that person because they had 10 years to get to know them.

And maybe it didn't happen in that first year. Maybe it happened in year two. Maybe it happened in year three. Like you just aren't cognizant of it because it was 10 years and you arrived at my friends like my partner. And it might not even be that they don't like your new partner. It might just be like, oh, we're just taking our time to get to know them because they're not friends with their partner they're friends with you so I guess for me I think it's like just let it happen organically like and then also you're you don't like your your friend's partner so it is very funny it's funny it's a funny detail to add when it's like I'm I want my friends to like my new partner, but I don't like hers. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I'm like, does your friend, is your friend neutral? And you're interpreting neutral as you don't like this new partner because you're projecting that you, like the fact that you don't like their partner, but it's actually just a neutral thing where they're like, meh, whatever. I've been busy. I'm preparing for a baby. And you're taking it in as, well, you don't like my partner because you actually don't like theirs.

Yeah. That's a good read. It could also be like an insecurity about how people view this new relationship because it sounds like the caller was also like people like were probably surprised that she broke up with her partner of 10 years and now has a new person so maybe there's like a like fear of like they don't they think I'm like just making erratic choices and like and and and I'm changing my life too quickly or you know who knows what but like yeah so maybe the neutral like like not like being overly accepting feels like a rejection or feels like a judgment or something yeah i wonder yeah i think i need more information. Like, has friend been aggressively rude or like aggressively, I'm not hanging out with you. Like, I just want, I would like to know more.

It sounds like what they, what the caller did say was friend wouldn't respond when they ask, do you want to hang out with me and my partner or something like that? Or do you like, or whatever. And like, yeah, I agree that it can happen naturally. But I also am like, but it won't if you don't hang out with the person. Like it won't happen naturally if you actually are never in the same place. You're right. Yes. But also, I don't know.

Like when I'm hanging out with my friends i i would rather hang out with my friends and if it's like a partner thing where everyone's bringing their partners then that's a different thing that's not a friend hang so maybe your friend is like wanting more friend hangs yeah you could ask be like hey i want to i want you to get to know my partner, but also I want to maintain what we have too. Is there a way that feels good to you where I can have you get to know my partner, but it doesn't feel like we are no longer getting solo hangs or something? Yeah. Honestly, yeah. getting solo hangs or something yeah honestly yeah i think maybe i think we don't ask enough questions to people we're having issues with um and yeah maybe it's worth like hey can we just

have can we just hang out one-on-one and then when you're hanging out one-on-one oh maybe that's a trick to be like hey why don't you want to hang out with my partner? But maybe just being like, oh, I just want to make sure that we're okay. And if this friend is like, yeah, we are okay, then maybe it's like, I don't know. That's a tough one. No, I like that. Because also, it doesn't have to be confrontational. It could even be a request. Like, I would like for you to get to know my partner is there a way that can happen and then see what they say but it's also possible i guess

we don't know your what your communication style has been it's possible maybe the like the last few texts have been will you hang out with me and my partner and maybe that's why she's not responding like maybe she's like oh you never want to hang out with just me again or like it feels like this is all like just about you and your partner well that sucks and maybe she's bummed you know we don't actually know that's a lot of projection but like yeah maybe put the emphasis back on your relationship with your friend and then see if there's a way that you can bring in your partner that feels comfortable to everybody. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I'll feel different once I have a partner, but I'm very much like, leave your partner at home. Just leave your partner at home. What's the big deal? Like, leave them at home. I think it's also like a bummer for the partner if they feel like they are not part of your life.

If there's like a whole part of your life they're just not a part of. Yeah, I guess so. I think I would make sure that the relationship between you guys is solid before being like, please get to know my partner. I think that's what I'm bumping up against. Where I'm like, but you don't even know if your relationship

is good. If she's not answering you, maybe something is on for sure yeah i agree with that yeah because also like this caller has been through a lot of transition and maybe some things fell by the wayside during it and they're not aware oh i actually haven't been doing like all my good friendship tasks, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Let us know. Give us an update. Salt?

Salt? Salt? If you want us to hack solve a problem, you can email us at Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com or call at 424-645-7003. We also have merch at pod swag.com slash best friends. We also have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at your wolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate review and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.

Bye. Bye. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Yum! Bye. Bye.