Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Just Can’t Win With Nicole

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Hello friends. Nicole is in the windy city and might be having mic issues. Sasheer, at the request of Nicole, tries to imagine what she would do if Nicole got swept away in a windstorm. Nicole accuses Sasheer of calling her too fat to find in a windstorm. Sasheer is reminded of a woman who has the talent of making any noise with her mouth. Nicole needs to sleep more to function now. Sasheer has new outdoor furniture. Nicole says it's not worth it to buy expensive outdoor furniture. Sasheer wonders why are flammable materials still being used to build houses?! Nicole has animals in her hole….in the side of her house. Sasheer thinks we definitely need more people going back to school to learn how to repair airplanes. Nicole thinks kids should follow their passions. Plus, they answer your questions about hanging out with partners' friends, how to find closure in a complicated relationship and how to support a friend in a 90-day fiancé situation. Sources: Geneviève Côté on Britain's Got Talent 2024 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RDSaPzIpio K1-Visa Sponsor Financial Obligation -https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/the-immigrant-visa-process/step-1-submit-a-petition/affidavit-of-support.html#:~:text=The%20sponsor's%20financial%20responsibility%20usually,under%20the%20Social%20Security%20Act.  No BuzzFeed quiz this week.  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hello, Sashir. Hello, Nicole. I just have to tell our old faithful listeners and our young faithful listeners and middle-aged friends, my microphone's not working, so that's why my audio might be a little weird. faithful listeners and middle aged friends. My microphone's not working. So that's why my audio might be a little weird. I am in the windy city. Oh,

I can hear it too. Yeah. My mic's not working because I'm in a windstorm. Oh no. Imagine, imagine we're walking around having a nice time time. A nice time time. A nice time time. A nice time time.

A nice time time. And a gust of wind picks me up and takes me away. I'd be so upset. Would you try to find me? Yes. No. No one will believe you. up and takes me away i'd be so upset would you try to find me yes no no one no i just be like i'm like uh i'm just gonna keep going about my day so that was weird no one would believe you well someone would eventually no they would be like you are trying to tell us that your friend got picked up in a windstorm and then you'd be like yeah and she's

fat and they'd be like no way i'd be like have you seen wizard of oz it was like that but there's nobody fat in the wizard of oz so it's more plausible there's cows oh no i'm not calling you a cow you just said this really flipped you were trying to figure i cannot believe you are sitting in california calling me your best good friend a fucking cow i didn't call you a cow you just said there's no fat people in wizard of oz and i was trying to find an example you recently sent me a video of a cow that comes inside a house was that another were you trying to get at me another another dig no you're like nicole you could come inside no i was just like

i you like cows look at this cow in a house oh God. You like cows because I'm a big old cow. Wow. Sashir. No. Sashir. No. Don't cancel me, bro. You're canceled.

I'm in Chicago to see my grandpa. I'm already getting enough of being called a cow. I don't need it from my friend in California. I'm not calling you a cow. I'm just saying. Seems like you did twice today. Fine. I won't tell anyone you got swept away by wind.

Oh, my God. You're just going to let me go missing? I don't know how to win. What do you want to hear? I don't know. That's really funny sometimes in therapy my therapist will go so you don't want anyone to win because i'll tell her things and i'll be like yeah but this and like but this and i'm mad and she's like well you gotta let one of those things go otherwise nobody in this situation wins and i'm like why are you so smart yeah wait so sheer what were you trying to say before i went on a wild tangent where i accused

you of being sizist i have no idea i don't know whatever it was it wasn't it wasn't where we went trying to desperately avoid where we got to come on just try think about it oh actually i think i was gonna bring up it was a woman on like britain's got talent and she was doing all these sound effects the wind the wind in the microphone that made me think of this woman who does all these sound effects with her mouth and like there's like nature footage in the background and she was doing like all the sounds of the animals and like she's like all these sounds and it's really good and everyone's like oh my god and she's even doing like the like the like vague desert music that you hear in in like nature shows and i was like that is so impressive but what do you do with that skill fully artist but do they still have those

yeah oh you don't you don't wow i guess you don't value the whole crew who makes a movie so you don't sit through the credits to see Susan, the makeup artist or Jerry, the rigor, like you're, you're just not there for supporting them. Wow. Size and supportive of workers.

I guess I haven't watched the credits long enough to get to Foley artist. Well, I think it was when I was watching The Beekeeper, we like stayed for the credits because my uncle loved it so much. And I just like clocked that there was like a Foley artist on it. Yeah.

At least I think it was The Beekeeper. It might've been something else. Marvel has trained me to sit through the credits to see if there's another nugget. And I was like, especially the beekeeper, it's like, is there going to be a hornet's nest? Have the bees been kept? I needed

to know. Judith found a video of this woman. I can't hear it. I can't hear it either. Oh, Jordan found it. Maybe that's why we can't hear it. I can't hear it either. Oh, Jordi had it. Oh, but maybe that's why we can't hear it. Wow. Whoa.

You're coming for everyone on this Wednesday. Oh, my God. You woke up this Wednesday and chose a violin. No. Oh, my God. You're canceled. Oh, my God. We got to get rid of such.

No, don't X me out. Goodbye. No. Let's see if I can find it. I'm also wearing my sunflower overalls because I got home from our trip and then did laundry and then put everything just back in the suitcase

because it was easy. And I have yet to go out in the world, but I'm a little nervous because everyone where we were was like, ohflowers i love it and i'm like yeah will the will the windy city be bowled over by my flower choice but i feel like people take fashion like do bold fashion choices in chicago no maybe but then i was looking in the mirror today and I was like, oh, maybe since it's like floral overalls, people were like, look at that big baby. So I got to talk to her like a baby, like I like flowers, too. Oh, you're wearing a big flower.

Oh, I like those. I like those two big baby. And I like those. I like those too, big baby. And I'm like. Yeah, this is the lady. This is her. Genevieve Cote. The way her mouth moves. Wait, guns? Oh, is it western? I mean, this is tough for me.

Who's got it? Wait, go to the one that... You really... You hyped her up. Wait, go to the one with the birds. Next, on this... You hyped her up. And she's like... Pew, pew!

No, wait. Pew, pew! Pew pew! That was wild. We've explored almost every part of the planet and seen nature in its astounding variety. But there's still much to discover. That's not her talking, just so you know. That's not her talking, just so you know. Is she doing the noise? She's doing the noise.

Was that her? Was that her? Oh, look, they She's bloody great. Really, right? If this lady's a real woman, she's a real woman. I'm not a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. really right if this lady's married i'm jumping off a roof

but you get it it's mostly monkeys embers i mean imagine watching anything on the discovery channel with her she's like all right turn down the volume turn down the volume and you're like well i want to hear what the narrator's saying and she's like no i'll do it i'll do it i'll do it for you she was the weird kid in class and she's lucky she's as attractive as she is because i'd be like man she's fucking weird but you and she's lucky she's as attractive as she is because i'd be like man she's fucking weird but you know she's kind of hot yeah well i won't roast her today she definitely was the weird kid in class she's like check what i can do and they're like oh god she's gonna make a monkey sound here she goes again like what do you think

she got as a superlative like most likely to end up on britain's got talent making monkey noises i mean maybe but so you see that what do you do with that like say she wins the show what happens after that sounds Sounds of Africa in Vegas. Oh, yes. Actually, yeah, for sure. I can actually see a Vegas show happening. Just a screen of like animals and then she makes the noises. Or like she has a segment in like Cirque du Soleil or something.

Like, yeah, I think there's room for it. Yeah, I can see that. Because Vegas is truly where you can have a very weird talent and they're like boom put in a show charge the people yeah and then everyone's drunk and they're like yeah let's see that white lady do sounds of africa oh boy oh boy yeah so that's cool you know yeah it is it's really cool don't you think yes this year that was really cool i'm so happy you shared with that yeah we shared with that oh my god oh my god Is it cold in Chicago or no? Yesterday was pretty warm. Nice. And I was going to go see my grandpa yesterday, but then I had to work, you know, just talking to my computer.

And then I was like, I'll take a nap and go see grandpa. And I think my body just needed a day of rest because we went on a trip. I got home for a day, worked that day, and then went out that night and then left at 6 a.m. And I think my body was like, bitch, you're getting old. You need to sleep. Yeah, you gotta sleep. Yeah, it's I'm not down with this though down with what needing this like having to sleep and stuff i used to run on fumes at all times this is the same yeah and i just

oh i can't do it anymore i mean yeah i used to when i did girl code um would fly to new york on like a red eye work that day do shows at night and then work the whole week and then get back to la and then work in la and then take a break at some point but i'm needing breaks sooner and sooner and i'm like one day will i just sleep all day forever i guess that's death yeah and that will happen one day i guess which is crazy it's crazy it's crazy to think about so let's not tee hee hee tee hee hee what have you been doing you're putting together furniture for the outdoors soon i am putting together furniture for the outdoors soon? I am putting together furniture for the outdoors soon. It was a really dumb way to phrase it, but where did you end up buying the furniture from?

Amazon. But it looks nice. And it's, I'll send it to you. It's like wicker. And I have been needing furniture in my yard that does not have cushions because of the crows. And I guess every other animal hates them. So they attack it and take the stuffing out and use it to build nests. And then something just tore them up just to do it, like for sport. Like I was like, God, okay, fine. I'll get rid of them.

God, that's so funny. They're like, we don't want anything soft here. Yeah, they really don't. Putting cushionless furniture out there. And it looks sturdy and it looks like it could be comfy. And I bought some other wicker furniture that's like just the wicker. And I hope that'll be good too um but it like uh the the stuff i bought from amazon looks like it has like a lot of pieces so i texted our group chain and i was like does anyone want to come over and help me put this together and des might come over so that'd be great it's annoying

putting together furniture but it's not worth it to buy expensive outdoor furniture. It'll just get damaged. The elements. Yeah. My God. I didn't know you're supposed to bring outdoor furniture inside during inclement weather and when you're not using it. And I was like, wait, what? Who has room?

Who has room to store furniture? Also, it's supposed to be outdoor. It's outdoor. This is where it is. Yes. My house is outside and it's not crumbling. Why is this club chair crumbling? That's a really good question.

Thank you. Make outdoor furniture out of the same stuff we're making houses with. And then make houses out of the same stuff that we're putting in fireplaces that have gas fire, you know, where they have the faux logs that don't go up in flames. Make homes out of that. And then we will be in a perfect circle of non-destructive things for outside. And that is her platform for 2024.

Yes, vote for me, Nicole Byer. Everything outside will look nice forever. I mean, it is like curious why, I'm sure we have had this conversation before. Oh yeah. But like, why are flammable materials still being used to build houses we absolutely know how to do it differently why why aren't we because big house wants you to

keep buying houses damn um so i learned i had a hole in the side of my house and um it's now getting fixed and covered up and last or two nights ago before i left an animal was like surprised that there was no longer a hole i heard a and then like a i've been like scurrying and then another animal and i was like wait were these animals fucking in that hole and they were like wait we don't have a place to hook up anymore because there was definitely two of them there was definitely scurrying there was definitely like confusion and like upsetness and i was like wow i think i fucked up this these animals like hookup spot wow but you know if what they were doing was like above board they should be able to fuck wherever they want maybe they're this is an affair and they have that's why they have to hide in a hole

oh my god maybe you your animals you could fuck anywhere why you have to why yeah why are you going into my hole what are you hiding what are you hiding who are you hiding from oh my god these nasty little critters oh well yeah they also shouldn't be in your hole i'm glad i'm glad the holes closed up for business yeah i'm glad these animals will stop going in my hole because it's my hole it's my hole and i say who fucks in there i wonder if the neighbors to the side of me are like what on earth is she talking about all day long talking about like animals in her hole she said that she's running for president like

i'm sure they're used to it by now well yeah i guess it's been two days they're like our neighbor's sick. The woman to the left and the right of us is not okay. She's just screaming about weird shit all day. Oh, do you think they can hear you more because of the whole? Oh, I then started talking about how I'm in a hotel recording podcasts, days on end talking about weird shit. Oh, in your hotel, the neighbors to yeah left and right i see yeah i'm

really sorry um no i get it no no but i jumped in a way that like doesn't really make sense and i'm ashamed you don't have to be ashamed it's okay i'm stupid you're trained i was going too fast and i i didn't have a chance to jump on but now i'm on board thank you thank you so much lord jesus do you miss me yes come back okay i will what if you were like waiting for that you You're like, I'm not going to come back until she says that. Sorry. I mean, I wouldn't put it past me. I'm sick. And then make up weird rules. And then we'll like really adhere to the weird rules I've made up. I also can't stop thinking about how we went on a trip and we were leaving to come home.

And there was a man who only spoke Spanish who would not sit down. So then we had to go back to the gate and then he didn't seem to get off the plane. Yeah. And it took an hour. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later and we were still at the gate. But I guess the man was still on the plane. And so I have no idea what was accomplished. I don't know either.

It was very, very confusing. I probably told you this. I think I was like flying to Austin or something. This is years and years ago. But like a similar thing happened where I fell asleep and there was like a thing and we had to go back to the gate. And then I woke up with like the ding ding. And I was like, I started to get up and the person next to me was like, we haven't gone anywhere yet. And I was like, oh, no. It was humiliating. Youating you're like wow what a great trip that was fast it was so fast and i feel a refresh yeah he was like walking towards the stewardess and then just i guess wanted to get off the plane which you know if that's the case let him off the plane yeah Mm-hmm. Which, you know, if that's the case,

let him off the plane. Yeah, let him go. I don't know if they, like, convinced him to stay. I don't know what happened. They're like, please, we need you. Please. We need you on this flight. Well, I guess, like, if you get off the plane,

oh, maybe he got off through the middle door. But also, I think we got on through the front door. We did get on through the front door. Maybe they, I think we got on through the front door. We did get on through the front door. Maybe they took him down some steps or something. But then, I guess, I would assume he got off because it took so long that they had to find his luggage. Because, like, if someone gets off the plane, you're not flying their luggage to the final destination.

Oh, that would actually make a lot of sense as to why we sat for so long. So maybe he did get off. But also, I'm like, let me in. Tell me what's going on. I don't know why airlines are like, we'll just tell you one day. Give me the goss.

What's happening? Give me, give me the tea. Give me the hot goss. But sometimes they give like not enough information. I think I said this before, but one time I was on a plane, fell asleep, woke up, we hadn't left left and the pilot was like sorry about that uh we had to deal with the an animal bit somebody and i was like what animal if it was a dog you would have said dog

what animal yeah that is pretty wild a raccooncoon? What kind of animal? A snake? Were there too many snakes on this motherfucking plane? Oh, no. Imagine that movie was based on your flight. You should get Residu. I was trying to leave Canada, and this is a United flight. My flight there was delayed. My flight back was delayed. My flight back was delayed. And they were like, oh, so we found upon our depending on the speed of replacing this part

and i was like wait what so a part we need to fly is here an extra one but it might take 15 minutes to two hours and they have a manual and i was like so this part needed to fly no one is an expert on how to put this on and we're just gonna after two, after two hours, say, all right, did it. And we're going to go up. Yeah. Call an engineer. Call someone who knows how to work on it. Not like anybody.

We looked in the glove compartment. We found a manual. We could just figure it out. I'll watch a YouTube video. That's what it felt like. And I've learned that a lot of people don't know how to fix a lot of things. Like I needed my toilet fixed and the man watched a video on YouTube. like um and i've learned that a lot of people don't know how to fix a lot of things like i needed my toilet fix and the man watched a video on youtube and i was like whoa what no i called a

plumber who are you who are you maybe it was his first day maybe but we gotta get we need to start going into schools and telling the children hey go, go to plumbing school, learn how to become a plumber or hey, go to flight maintenance school and learn how to maintain these flights as opposed to getting any old body and training on how to do shit. Let's get people specialized in stuff. I feel like we're we're saying we don't need it because it's like whatever. But we need it. Yeah, I actually do want to encourage everyone to go to flight maintenance school. Because that's 100% what we need right now. Yeah.

Doors are blowing off planes and shit. Yeah. Get a door specialist on these aircraft. Yes. We need more. We do. I probably have said this on this podcast before, but my sister works in a school and I told her I was like, I really want to start speaking at schools. And she was like, oh, to tell kids that they can get into comedy.

That's really sweet. Like, if you really want to do that, I can work something out. I was like, no, I want to tell kids to follow their passions. And she's like, oh, that's also really good. I was like, yeah. Like, you know how our cousin loves smoking weed? And she's like, oh, that's also really good. I was like, yeah.

Like, you know how our cousin loves smoking weed? I think he should go to business school, learn how to run a business, fucking like work in a dispensary and learn how to run a dispensary and then open up his own dispensary because that's what he loves to do. And you can be so high running a business. And at night when you're not that high, that's when you do the books or in the morning whenever you're not smoking the weed unless weed helps you with numbers. that's when you do the books or in the morning whenever you're not smoking the weed unless weed helps you with numbers and Catherine was like so you want to come to my school and tell children to like become legal drug dealers and I was like yes yes I mean, it's legal in so many states. Let them run dispensaries. Let them run dispensaries. You like water?

Start a pool maintenance business. You like sleeping? Start a mattress company. A mattress company. There's so many of them. Open Start a mattress company. A mattress company. There's so many of them. Open up a mattress firm. They, for whatever reason, still do storefronts. And they seem to last for a very long time.

Get you a sleepies. You like grass? Lawn care. Landscaping. Open that shit up. Everybody still needs a landscaper. Yeah. You ain't wrong. I'm not. And i really think my voice should be heard in schools i think so too yeah yeah what else you

like the sun fucking study it is it coming to kill us figure it out that seems actually pretty hard is it coming to kill us or maybe solar yeah solar technology you know um yeah i just think kids have i don't know i think about this a lot how like i wish someone had encouraged me to follow my my passion with cars yeah like very happy with where i ended up but like who's to say i wouldn't i like i don't know maybe if i took one extra step somewhere else i wouldn't be doing that and i also wouldn't be doing car stuff and i'd be sad yeah you know yeah no what kind of car stuff would you have wanted to do i do like taking things apart and figuring out how they like fit back together. So I would assume like maintenance, like trying to figure out why this keeps breaking on a car. It's like,

oh, it's not the transmission. Maybe it's something else or maybe it's something else. And I'm not a person who likes like a fix where you have to come back and fix it. I like a finite thing. So I think I'd be a very good mechanic because i'm not like i don't think i'd be a person who's like oh i'll just like temporarily fix it so you have to keep coming back i'm like no i figured your car out um yeah and then everyone be going to nicky's to get their cars figured out that's fun i mean you can still do that you can buy a busted car and learn how to fix it i thought about that um because in order to like but then that's that's a lot of stuff i'd have to figure out because i can get a shell of a car um and then rebuild the whole thing but then that

would be me like watching youtube videos and like figuring things out and then what if i'm on the highway and the fucking trunk falls out and the the engine falls out and then i'm like oh no i'm a flintstone i don't want to be a flintstone i also don't want to be a flintstone yeah but don't it's just your feet running on the pavement of the highway yeah and i get pedicures they're soft oh uh yeah in this scenario you also took your shoes off well no i figured i'd be going so fast that my shoes would just get swept away yes of course of course of course oh boy what a what a what a tee Oh, boy. What a tee hee hee. What a tee hee hee. What are your plans for the rest of today?

More outdoor stuff. Yes. I spray washed my roof patio this morning because it was dusty and nasty. Do you have a power washer? I have a powerful hose. But it's not like an official powerky. Wait. Do you have a power washer? I have a powerful hose. But it's not like an official power washer, no. There's some man somewhere being like, my hose is powerful. Oh, God.

I don't really have a powerful hose. And I've been looking into trying to figure out like a power washing situation. Because it's either you pay someone to upkeep the outdoors or you fucking do it and it is a cheap lady so i and it's nice to like do stuff yourself so i need to figure out a power wash and sitch yeah i mean i think i think there's something called a carcher or like oh yeah like it's like a spray thing and that you could just have and then use it whenever you need. Okay, I'll look into that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was looking into something else and I can't remember. Oh, I need another like outdoor broom and catcher. You know that long thing where you don't have to bend over but it's made so horrifically that it's hard to empty why they make it like that i don't know why did they do that why did they do that lord jesus i need to speak to the person who invented it and say why did you make it a wiggle wobble it's always a wobble because you know the little thing that catches the dust it wobbles yeah so you guess like you can hold it straight up but i'm like let it stay open and i'll just like hold it like a

like a like you know what a shovel kind of yeah and then just dump it so it doesn't wiggle wobble but there are some that do that oh shit they're just like open and oh then i gotta i gotta oh okay i mean they can they can bend but they won't bend like on their own oh really yeah with the the roof on it no roof open oh see i like the roof because the roof keeps things from blowing away when you're taking it to the trash i see i see yeah are your outdoor lights solar or plug no and i i think i need to look into solar lights oh why uh just for cheapening the cheapening of it the cheapness i see the cheapening the cheapening yeah i i am in the market for solar lights as well in the yard and i haven't even started my search yet well when you figure it out let us sister know okay okay yes diva being being a a proprietor of a home, it never ends. It never ends.

But it is nice. Oh, I love it. You know? I usually don't hear my neighbors, but sometimes I do. And the summer's coming, and the house chew doors down. They're just getting older, and they throw great parties. Have you been? No, but I can hear them. Well well why don't you go over one day because they're literal children they're like uh one just

got her license so they got her a little prius that she has already smashed up um and it it's funny because at like midnight midnight 30 they always play rihanna uh they usually play found love in a hopeless place and i'll like go outside and be like yeah oh i'm like oh my god one day with a piece of beer be like you guys party what's going on yeah you guys thought you getting into it is this a this a rager? They're like, ew, get out of here, old lady. I mean, the teens are cool. Like, they're really cool. It is depressing getting older.

Oh, yeah. But also, it's only depressing when you're like, oh, I feel old and I'm doing this old thing right now. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Do you answer some questions? That is something I've been dying to do.

Let's let's get into it. Let's answer queries, quandaries, and questions. Let's do it. Okay. Hello, everyone. Long-time listener, first-time caller, which is funny because this is an email. My question is for best friend advice. I've grown really close with my boyfriend's best friends, and I consider them all my friends.

I've gotten to the point where I'll just message them and ask them how they're doing. This isn't an everyday thing, but maybe a once a month check-in if I haven't seen them in a while. In the past, men have mistaken my kindness for flirting. Even if I mention my boyfriend a thousand times, they'll still ask for my number.

My boyfriend knows this and knows I'm just a kind person. However, he gets annoyed when I talk with his friends first about hanging out and then checking with him after the fact to see if he's free. He's completely fine with me checking in with our friends. He thinks he should be asked first. And if he's not free, then I shouldn't go hang with his friends. This is something my mom did with my dad's friends when he wasn't around to have dinner. So I think it's normal to be friends with your partner's friends.

However, I know his family history is different and I can understand why he feels how he does. Am I overstepping a boundary? Have you guys ever just hung out with your partner's friends and they aren't there? Have an amazing day slash evening. You are overstepping boundaries because your boyfriend told you what his boundaries are. He said, can you please ask me first before including friends? I have no problem with you including friends. I just would like to, for me, it is care that you ask me first, then ask a friend. So I do think you can respect that. He's not saying it's wrong. And he's like, if I'm not free, go hang out with my friends. Yeah. So, so yeah i think just

ask that man i agree with you also is because she described her mom and said my mom asked my dad's friends to hang out with my dad's not around is that the same thing she's doing or is she asking her boyfriend's friend to hang out while the boyfriend's still here like or is it is the boyfriend gone and that and so she's like i need to hang out with somebody and then ask it it seems as if if you're my partner i'm asking jordan to hang out and then going hey i asked jordan to hang out do you want to hang out too? Oh, I see. Okay. And he's like, I'm around. Like, why didn't you ask me first? I was sitting next to you. Why did you text Jordan? While you were texting. Yeah. I think you just really want to be considered first before you ask friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and yeah, I like, I think your boyfriend's actually very

chill and lax and cool because it's like if people are always thinking you're single, you're putting out vibes kind of, I think. I think it might be well-meaning, but like. I mean, I'm an idiot, like you have to tell me if you're flirting with me. Like some man was like, it's hot that you do this. And then I got on the phone with somebody and I was like, he says it's hot if I do this. Like, what does that mean? And they're like, what? It means he thinks you're fucking hot.

And I'm like, what? Okay. So, like, you're putting out a lot of vibes. Yeah. Because also, like, why do you want to hang out with him? Like, I'm sure they're great. But you have your own friends. And then you have your boyfriend.

And then I'm sure he has friends that are cool to hang out with. But if you're just trying to hang, hit up your friends. Why the reach to go hang out with his friends without him? Or it seems like you want to do it with him. Yeah, ask him first. Yeah, just ask him first. And then have a group hang. That's it yeah yeah but sometimes people pull up to the relationship with no familiars

yeah that's true they're like your your friends are my friends now and that's all i have that's it sorry about it baby yeah that's true but yes i agree with you. The boyfriend was very chill and reasonable and has set a boundary. Disrespect it. Yeah. Solved. Hi, Nicole and Fashir. Wow. I've been listening for years and I've been wondering what bit of drama to bring to your door. And I think I finally got it. So I would love some of your advice. Basically, I have this friend who turned lover then turned ex and now I don't really know what we are, what we're doing. But we were together for maybe like a year and a half. And since we broke up, we haven't been talking a lot.

It's been maybe like eight or nine months, I think. And in between them, we had some brief exchanges and texts and stuff. We've tried to talk on the phone a couple of times. But I feel like there's still a lot that I haven't said or that I was previously nervous to say. And I think because I have realized that I have sort of an anxious attachment style, they have an avoidant attachment style, it feels very difficult to bring things up. And when I do bring up, you know, all the stuff that's still, like, on my mind, on my chest about our relationship or how things ended, the things that, you know, make me reluctant to jump back into some kind of friendship with them. They'll take, like, a really long time to get back to me, like a week to respond to a text or a voice note.

Or, you know, most recently I asked them, like, oh, should we talk about this? And they said, oh, yeah, maybe in, like, a month. And I think for me that's especially difficult, but I also just feel like they are deliberately putting a lot of space between us. And it's hard to kind of get a straight answer for them. They won't exactly just explicitly say, like, hey, I don't want to talk about this right now, or I'm not ready to have this conversation. Most recently I've been thinking maybe I should just put a lot of space between us, just, like, make a hard line for myself of maybe just, like, no contact for a year or something.

But I'm wondering what y'all would do in this situation. Would you try to find a constructive way to still have this conversation? Would you just kind of bow out and let the relationship fizzle? I'm, yeah, sort of at a loss. So I would love some of your wisdom, dollar, really helpful and really good at friendships. So I thought I'd come to the experts. Okay. I think that's about it. Bye. So, okay. They had a friend turned lover turned ex, and they're trying to talk to them about things that they're avoidant. And that's frustrating to them. Okay. i think it depends on what this person wants do

they want to be yes friends with that person or do they want to get back together with that person yeah and yeah i also it sounds like the caller is the conversations that they want to have are like kind of rehashing the end of the relationship. And it's been like nine months since the end of it. It sounds like. Mm hmm. I would be avoidant, too. Or unless it was clear as to like this talk is in order for us to repair to get back to a relationship but if if there's an agreement or if it's been said or if there's a vibe that like well we're just gonna try to be

friends try to be friends like there's no need to actually keep talking about the end of your relationship if you actually don't intend on getting back together and if you're just looking for closure that's maybe something this person can't give you. Like, maybe they can, but also you shouldn't expect it. And, you know, you might just need to, like, be like, well, I actually don't know why it ended like that. And that's that. Like, sometimes you just don't get an answer, which sucks and does not feel good. you just don't get an answer which sucks and does not feel good but even if even if the person did actually have a conversation that you want to have you still may not even be satisfied with

the answers they give so it doesn't actually matter um yeah but you have to figure out what you want because they're yeah they might be avoiding you because it's actually a bummer to keep having these conversations if they want to be your friend they might be like actually i would just love to talk about anything else and you keep reminding me of how shitty i was or like how bad the relationship ended and i don't want to rehash that anymore because time has passed almost a year has passed and i would like to move forward or just stop talking and yeah i think i think you need clarity within yourself to figure out what you even want from them because i think they're probably confused too yeah and i feel like if you're thinking about going no contact just do it yeah if that's what you need to have some clarity and

closure and like get some distance um yeah uh i i think i need to know more. I need to know like what's being like why you're rehashing things and what you're trying to get from this. Because it does feel like that person has moved on a little bit. And it's like if yeah, closure is not something you're entitled to and it's not something you get often uh you kind of have to do your own closure and be like this is what happened and that is that is that yeah so yeah hi nicole and sashir my wife and i lesbians listen to your podcast together before we go to bed and by that I mostly mean she listens to you very loudly in the shower while I'm falling asleep. So you frequent my dreams.

But we do sometimes exist on the couch together listening and laughing at you too. I have a friend that I'm concerned about some background. She's like Noah from Grand Crew falls very hard, very fast. She's had many situationships in the past decade, several a year, and very few have lasted longer than three months, but she wants to find the one. She started dating this guy from an app four months ago. He lives overseas and a nonstop flight to visit him is over 13 hours. She's madly in love and went to visit him in person for the first time a couple of weeks ago. They spent the week together and are planning to get engaged later this year. After eight months of dating through Zoom and maybe 10 days of being in person together.

And the plan is that they'll get married and he'll move here in a year. She's meeting with immigration lawyers and is taking a second job to afford the overseas travel and lawyers. I'm concerned for her safety, among other things, but I don't know how to tell her. I try to subtly voice my concerns, but she didn't take the hint. What would you suggest? Ooh, baby, that's tough because love is love and love makes people do crazy things. But I would just gently nudge your friend and say, hey, there is actually no financial protection from this. A fiancé visa, you are saying when you bring someone over that you are financially responsible for them for like 10 years. And I believe and honestly, I might be

wrong about this. If I am, please write in or in the comments of this episode, let me know. But I believe you are financially responsible for that person for 10 years, whether you remain married or not. So bringing somebody over is like a huge thing. And if you are taking a second job to in order to afford that, that person can't work until they get a green card. So you are financially responsible for helping them through that. And financial things is like like one of the number one stressors in a relationship. So it's like if you are not financially, I think it's like talk to her about finances rather than the love and the like safety aspect. Because I feel like if you're like, oh, I'm worried about you. This doesn't

seem like a great choice. Then she's like, or they're like, well, you don't think I'm making good choices. Like, I think it's like, oh, I'm just worried about your finances. Yeah. Okay. So how long are you financially responsible for someone under a k1 visa which is a fiancee visa um the sponsor's financially responsibility the sponsor's financial responsibility usually lasts until the applicant either becomes a u.s citizen or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work usually 10 years under the social security act oh boy so i mean it is a it is a hard core like dedication to that person because you're you're like saying in the eyes of like the legal system you're like i believe this person is going to be a good contributing member of society and I'm vouching for them.

Can't someone get a work visa or is that hard to get on your own? I think you have to get a sponsor. I think someone is still sponsoring you. And I think you already like to get a work visa. I'm pretty sure again, I might be wrong. I think you have to have a job that's taking you to where you're immigrating to. And like, I'm pretty sure, again, I might be wrong. I think you have to have a job that's taking you to where you're immigrating to. And like, I don't think you can come here, get a job and then get a work visa, but maybe you can, you might be able to actually. But it is, it is like a lot. And then you're tied to this person for a while. It's pretty intense. So that's what I would bring up not like the love aspect like never doubt their love be like i know you're in love but like legally speaking and

financially speaking this is a huge undertaking yeah because i was gonna say could this person come here for six months and like they can see what it's like to be together for six months in person and live together and love together and maybe can get a job and then go back when, like, they're not allowed to be here anymore and just, like, at least test it in person. Yeah. I think that's, like, a great idea to stay as long as you legally can here. Yeah. Maybe you could suggest that, too.

Like, if you guys are really serious, why doesn't this person just come for a few months and like test the waters? And then if you guys still like each other after that period is done, you know, then find what the best way for this person to stay. you were saying if this if your friend needs to take out have have two jobs to even get the lawyers they're gonna have to be yeah working even harder to support two people when they're actually here because it's expensive to get them here and then you are a single person household until they can get a green card to get a job yeah yeah um oh also you can be like why don't they come here for like the six months or however it's like legally feasible for them to come here because I really want to get to know them too, you know,

before you guys are married and like all our friends want to get to know them too. And this is so exciting. I like that. So like, yeah. Why don't you like try a trial marriage? Like,

you know, just like be here because they can't work while they're visiting either. So it would be like what it would be like when they're actually here. That's a good point. Yeah. That's a really good point. Also, if they're working two jobs, that person's going to be lonely that they're bringing over here. And then that's going to be more of a fight.

Tell them to watch 90 Day Fiancé, even though it's heavily scripted now and everyone's out of their minds. But it'll at least give you an idea. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, I wish them the best of luck and I'd love an update. Mm-hmm. My goodness. Solved.

Solved. If you have any questions or queries or concerns, you can email Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com or call or text or leave a voicemail at 424-645-7003. You better believe we also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. We have transcripts for our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't you dare forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show. Wow.

Signing off from the windy city of Chicago. Chi-town, if you will. Southside till I die. Whoop whoop. Bye bye. Whoop whoop. Bye bye. Whoop whoop.

Bye bye. Whoop whoop. Bye bye.