Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Knows That's Right

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

Hello, mhmm! This week we talk about Sasheer’s overenthusiastic fan, break down TI’s antics/bad behavior at comedy shows, the things fans yell at Nicole, Sasheer’s busy travel schedule, Nicole��s private jet dreams, celeb sightings on planes, take another swing at the “I Hate” game, luxurious car washes, and more. They take a quiz to find their most toxic trait, and answer listener questions on whether you should push yourself to go out, more chair advice, fat girl summer camps, and how to handle a friend who ghosted for years and then acts like nothing happened.  Plus, stay tuned at the end of the episode for a clip of Well Read Black Girl with Glory Edim: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/well-read-black-girl-with-glory-edim/id1591263597 Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail]424-645-7003  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/friends.

If you want to hear today's top authors and changemakers of color in deep, honest conversation, we've got an amazing new podcast for you. It's called Well Read Black Girl, and it's the literary kickback you never knew you needed. Author and founder of the Well Read Black Girl book club, Glory Edem, sits down with your favorite writers for insightful discussions on art, culture, social justice, and the power of the written word. Luminaries like Tarana Burke, Anita Hill, Gabrielle Union, Britt Bennett, and more discuss how they found their voice, honed their skill, and composed some of the most interesting and impactful writing of the day. You'll meet Black bookstore

owners, literacy advocates, and members of the well-read Black Girl Book Club who chat about the literary legacies of the women who paved the way. If you're a total bookworm, an aspiring writer, or just want to peek behind the page of the brightest minds around, this show is for you. Listen to Well-Read Black Girl wherever you get your podcasts, and stay tuned at the end of the episode, because we're gonna play a little clip from the show.

a little clip from the show. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I did a show last night and I said something about. Black people experiencing this, this X thing more than any other race. And a black woman in the audience went, I know that's right. And I was like, oh, I know that's right.

Thank you. And then kept going. And then she kept talking like in full sentences. And it sucked because I knew she was agreeing with what I was saying. So I didn't want to like, like shut her down. But also, I wanted her to stop talking. And I also couldn't clearly hear everything she was saying. I want to say Joe Biden. And I was like, how did Biden get in this?

What are you talking about? And I also was like at an energy level where like I could perform, but my brain was not firing at all. So I couldn't like improvise anything to make this like. Funny or like or like quippy. I was like, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm really confused. What are you? What is this? And she's like, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm really confused. What are you? What is this? And she's like, I did that.

And I was like, what are you? I was like, how are you speaking full sentences right now? Are you responding to things that I just said? And she's like, yeah. I was like, I, we got to talk after. OK. It seems like you have a lot of insight about what I'm talking about right now, but I just need to finish this thing. And then she stopped.

So it didn't last long. And but I was just like, so like taken aback. And I don't think it ruined the set because people were complimentary after. But it was just a weird moment where I was like, what is this? What is this? Was this out of town or in town? It was in town. Interesting. I just I maybe I don't know, people have always been on their worst behavior every time I've ever been on stage.

Um, but people are getting more and more, uh, just doing whatever the fuck they want. T.I. was at a comedy show. Did you see this video? No. T.I. was at a comedy show and apparently the comic made a joke about TI that he didn't like, so then he got on stage, grabbed the microphone and started like screaming at her, and then they were screaming back at him. It was like, it was kind of wild.

Wait, Kimmy, look it up. I'm not, I don't think I'm lying. I watched it last night and I don't think it was a dream. What if it was? That'd be crazy. I imagine I'm just dreaming of TI. I saw him at a strip club in Atlanta, in Manhattan City, and he wrapped his head, he wrapped his whole face in like this white gauze, I think to like, be like incognito, but it drew more attention to him,

because we were like, you're the invisible man. Like, you look like a mummy. Who's this mummy? Oh, it's T.I. Yeah, and also Tiny was there too. So it's like, who's the mummy with Tiny? I guess it's probably T.I. That's very funny. How wild. Yeah. I mean, don't go out, I guess,

if you don't want to be recognized. Kimmy, did I make this up? Was this a dream? The T.I. thing? No, I'm just reading about it now, trying to understand it. But T.I. did yell at a comic mid-show. Damn it. I... People are acting the worst. I... Have people always been so poorly behaved

or is this like a new thing? Mm. There have definitely been versions of people being poorly behaved at all times. I've definitely seen videos of people trying to fight comics on stage, you know, pre-pandemic. But I really think it's like people like don't know how to act in public anymore. Mm-hmm. Boy, oh boy. They've just been cooped up and then they're like, I have something to say. Everybody has something to say. And KTI was recorded going off on a comedian who seemingly joked about the sexual assault

allegations made against the rapper and his wife, Tiny, at an Atlanta comedy show Monday night. I wonder who this comic is. As many times as you joke... Uh, as many times as you joke on that shit, nigga, I'm gonna check your motherfucking ass as long as it takes. T.I. told the comedian, so wait, so... Oh, it's Lauren Knight. Oh, okay. So T.I. said that? Mm-hmm.

When you stop playing with me and mine, I'm gonna stop saying something. I mean... There ain't been no motherfucking case. Ain't never been no motherfucking case. I ain't did nothing wrong and my wife ain't did nothing wrong. And if you keep on playing with me, I'm gonna continue to confront publicly verbally.

Boy, oh boy. Wait, what night then addresses the one night only... This is an open mic. Why was T.I. had an open mic? I guess he's a comedian, as maybe he's running some time. Does T.I. do comedy now? Yeah, you didn't see that. I thought it was a bit.

I I've only seen one video, so I don't know if he's doing multiple shows, but I think he was trying. OK, he's trying to do stand up on Tuesday night, Knight took to Instagram to address the heated incident. She said, TI showed up towards the end of the event and delivered a 30-minute stand-up routine. 30 minutes, he's doing well. Knight says, after TI completed his set, she returned to stage to continue her hosting duties,

but kept getting interrupted by TI's heckling. I'm talking about marriage and shit, and he keeps cutting me off, telling me to shut the fuck up, calling me all kinds of bitches, heckling me. So I'm like, all right, come on, stop playing with me. It's crazy. Like, you keep going and I can't say nothing to you. Night says Tia then began telling her to take off her wig. Why did why was this allowed to happen?

Like, what? Why don't people intervene? And like, we're just all allowed to do whatever we want. And nobody's going to be like, you have to go. Yeah. Wait, is this a video below this? We don't have to play it in the Oasis. Her recounting of it. It seems like there's audio and I can send this to you of it, but I don't know. Yeah. We go down. OK, here.

So night said to take off your wig. And then it was that was the time that night decided to fire back at TI by bringing up the sexual abuse allegations. I said, all right, I'll take off my wig. Speak on the allegations. Boy, oh boy. Nobody was tight except for him. Nobody called him. OK, nobody. Nobody called him a rapist. I responded to him telling me in a room full of people

to rip my wig off and made a joke just like he did, so he got a problem with it, not mine. Ooh. So then, so then, okay, so at first, I thought he was going wild because she brought the allegations, but she brought the allegations because he was already wild. Because he was harassing her.

Well, why did he even start doing that? That's awful. Yeah, also, T.I., we don't heckle other performers. You're the comic, you're a comic. You just watch. If you want to be a comic, you just be in the back and laugh. You can talk shit to other comics, but don't heckle them.

Wow, that's nuts. That sucks. Yeah, I don't fucking scream shit. Wow, that's nuts. That sucks. Yeah, I don't like it. Do not like. Don't like it. Rude. But what a story. What a story.

I mean, yeah, but I don't want those stories. I don't. You come see my show. You sit down, please. Please. Please sit down and just enjoy it. And let me ask you a question. Yeah. Yeah. Unless I'm like, but it's funny because I spend a lot of time on like my other podcast.

Why won't you date me? Talk about shows and stuff and how people interrupt me and blah, blah, blah. So when I started doing more crowd work, people were like, mm hmm. I was like, oh, come on. I'm I really want to know. They'd be like, you're not tricking me. I don't want to hear about myself on your part. Yeah. That's that's the point where I be like, oh, come on, I really want to know. And they'd be like, you're not tricking me. I don't want to hear about myself on your part. So that's the point where I was like, I genuinely would love a response from anybody.

You. And they'd be like, um, this. I'm like, OK, all right. I had a show recently and a woman and her mom waited outside for a really long time to talk to me, which is really nice. And the woman, we were like talking and they were saying nice things about the show. And then the young woman who listens to this podcast was like, well, I understand that you're probably tired and you want to go home and you can't wait to sit down. And I was like, you are so right. Thank you so much for knowing me. I want this interaction to end and I want to go sit down. Thank you so much.

That's funny. And she's like, I wish you all the chairs in the world. And I was like, this is really sweet. That is nice. It's funny because people say nice things like that to you. And then people are like, I hope you get fucking railed and deep dicks. And then sometimes I'm like, ha ha ha. And then sometimes I'm like, that was jarring.

I'm literally just crossing a street. I hope you get fucked. Okay, cool. Okay. That is, I was actually thinking about that the other day because after my show, I was like, I've joked about this. Like my audience will like send me articles and like think pieces about material and your audience is like, like sending you disgusting messages in the e-mails. But it literally happened the other day,

someone was like, what you said was right about this thing. And also you should look at these, these other facts about that topic. And I was like, awesome. Thank you. That's so nice. I don't know that world. I don't know it. Um, I don't know it. Mateo posted a joke about pharmacists. You've heard his pharmacist joke. Yes.

And he just like wrote, he wrote in the caption, he's like, it's just a joke. I'm just kidding. Cause I guess people have come from on TikTok. Sure. So when he posted on Instagram, he was like, I just, it's just a joke. I'm, it's, I'm not trying to offend. And I wrote, excuse me, Mateo Meng, as someone who has seen pharmacists on multiple times

and watched them work, I am deeply offended at this quote unquote joke. You've lost a fan, you've lost a follower, I thought you were nice. And the amount of people who thought I was... Oh, no. ...actually saying it was so funny. There were so people who were like,

get out of this comics and videos if you don't like jokes. And... I mean, clearly you're also a comic, also clearly you're friends. Yeah, he's my best friend. There's photo evidence. That's crazy. There's photo evidence.

That's crazy. The world is S-I-L-L-Y. It's silly, silly, silly, silly, silly. Yeah! Mm-hmm. I think that's a truth. Yeah. Are you here for a minute or are you traveling?

I am traveling. I leave Thursday night. Actually, I leave tomorrow night. Tomorrow night? You've been on so many planes this week. It's sick. It's pretty sick, yeah. Went on a couple of planes in a row this past weekend. Like, went from Indiana to LA, and then was in LA for a day.

And then went to San Francisco, and then came back to LA. And then I got to go back to Indiana Thursday. And then I in LA for a day and then went to San Francisco and then came back to LA and I got to go back to Indiana. Thursday, and then I come back. Oh, no, actually, I don't go back. Yeah, I'm going to Bloomington. Oh, I see, I see. And then I go to New Mexico for a show. And then I come back.

But then I go away again to Seattle. And then I come back. But then I go away again to Seattle. And then, and then maybe I, then I come back. Yeah, this is a lot. Where's my friend? She's gone. She's gone, girl. She's gone. Wait, send me your schedule. That's insane.

I'll just ask where you are every day. I'll send, I can send my schedule. I'll just ask where you are every day. I'll send... I guess it's my schedule. Just so I know where you are! I gotta know! Wow, that's like so much traveling. I'm exhausted thinking about it. I know. I love the shows. I just don't like the travel.

It takes up so much time. It's not just like flying, it's also getting to the airport. Getting on the plane. Then you're on the plane, then you get off the plane, then you travel to the hotel. You gotta check in. Hopefully there's food around. Then you gotta get the food, and then you gotta shake a shower, take a, get changed.

Then show, show's great. Go back to the hotel and go to fuck's sleep. Then you get up, go get on a plane, and then go home. Maybe go home or go somewhere else. It is all, it's a lot. It is wild. I, um, yeah, I'm happy to not, to not be done. No, one day we'll be on that jet life.

Oh my God. That PJ life. But here's the thing about a jet. I want the jet to pick me up at my door and take off and land exactly where I need to be. I don't want to drive to an airport. Put a helipad around your roof. Oh!

Is... Can you do that? You can. You can do that. Can we Google, like, do you have to be zoned for it? Can it be anywhere? Will my neighbors be mad? They'll be so mad. They're just like enjoying the day and they're like... And I'm like, the winner in our neighborhood!

Got places to go! Also, a helicopter can't take me far, can it? I guess the helicopter can take you to the private airport. Oh, my God. And then you can take the jet. I want to take a little jet to my destination. Yeah. No, I don't know how to do that. I don't do that either.

I wonder how much private jets are there. Probably not. I mean, that's an insane sentence. They're probably not that much money. They're probably a lot of money. There's a a few companies that were, you can either rent a private jet or you can do like a jet ride share or like a, like it's like you and a few other people, if you're all like going to Vegas, like you and five other people can go. Oh, okay. Yeah, that I could do.

Yeah. Yeah, let's could do. Yeah. Yeah. Let's start doing private jets to Vegas. Yeah, right. I don't know. I think we can. Seems wild. How much is it? Kimmy, Kimmy. How much is it for a private jet to Vegas? From L.A. to Vegas, please.

I'll look into it. I have a cousin. This is what she does for her living, so I can see. She's a jet. She's a cousin, this is what she does for her holidays, so I can see. She's a jet? She's a jet. She is a jet. No, she books private jets out of different airports for people. She works out of a NorCal,

but she books these for people, so. Oh my God. I wonder what kind of famous people she's had to book a jet for. Probably like Sandra Bullock. She... SHANNON LAUGHS I'm sure she flies private.

Probably. No, I'm just kidding. I've never seen her on an airplane. She probably flies private. SHANNON LAUGHS Janie Tatum probably flies private. Although sometimes I'm surprised. I was sitting, we both were sitting behind Rick Ross one time on a plane, right? Yeah.

Yeah, that was fully wild. I was like, I can't believe you're here. Yeah. Who else did I see on a plane? I feel like I, I want to say I saw Comet on a plane. Comet. I saw Violet Davis on a plane. Dave Navarro I saw on a plane. Ooh. I love Ink Master, I was stir, stir.

Jordan, who have you seen? I sat behind Chris Tucker on a plane. Oh. That's fun. That is fun. Wait a minute. $12,000 for a round trip? That's...

What's $12,000 divided by five? That's still a lot of money. Yeah, that's $2,000 for a plane ride. Well, sometimes plane rides are $2,000. That's so much money. Yeah. I'm always trying to get someone else to pay for my plane rides. This is true.

Yeah. Cheap. Ha ha ha. True. I'm a cheap motherfucker. [♪ music playing, fades out, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, Should we do a quiz? Let's do a little quiz-y poo. No. Maybe.

Okay. I was trying to think about... Okay, yeah. Maybe I was trying to think of the game that I was trying to describe during our live show, the I Hate game. Oh yeah, what is it? Maybe I figured it. I forgot to ask my college friends, but maybe it's this.

Okay, say, I hate when people do blank. I hate when people pick their nose. Okay. Kimmy and Jordan, can you do the same thing? I hate when people interrupt. I hate when people are rude. Okay. I hate... Did I do this right? I hate when people chew loudly and then then go back and say, oh, I think it's maybe love, and then you say the thing that you hate,

and then during sex. So, I love when people shoot loudly during sex. I love when people pick their noses during sex. I love when people interrupt during sex. I love when people are rude during the game. Okay, it sometimes works. I think I'm still missing a factor, but I think I'm getting closer to the game. We'll check in with you in a few episodes.

This is very funny. Please. This is a very funny game, Sashire. Wait, I'm trying to think, like, what do I hate? What do I hate, hate, hate? I hate picking up dog shit, but I have to do it because I have to walk my dog. So I love dog shit during sex. This game is wild to share.

I feel like I'm definitely missing a component because it usually is more like it makes more sense. I feel like mine and Jordan's made sense, but we can do better. Oh, boy. OK. That's very, very funny. OK, let's do what's your most toxic trait. We've like read it every time to have it done it. Thank God, because I was like, can we do your most toxic trait?

Oh, great. OK. From PureWow. Wow. Tell me how I'm toxic, mama. Life is hard and sometimes we slip into patterns of behavior that aren't that great. In fact, some mental health experts might say these behaviors are toxic, ruining relationships and arresting our own growth and potential. But pinpointing our own shortcomings can help

us stop toxic behavior in its tracks. So what's your toxic trait? Answer seven questions to find out. You just had the worst day ever. What happened? Your BFF brought a new friend to cave night without asking you further. There are no bad days. Every day is an opportunity to grow. You just couldn't get anything done between work and family. There are too many things to juggle.

Uh, where do you begin? It all started when the barista got your order wrong again. Wow, speaking right to me, your BFF brought a new friend to game night without letting you know that they have other friends. I adjusted it for how I felt. Yeah, thank you for being honest. Mm-hmm. for how I felt.

Yeah, thank you for being honest. Maybe I couldn't get anything done. This is too much to juggle. If you were a TV character, you'd be Olivia Pope. Hannah. Horvath. I've actually never heard her last name.

That's really funny. From girls, it's so funny. Hannah Horvath. Kimmy Schmidt. Eve Polastri. Lucille Bluth. Kelly Prenny. Uh, okay, Lucille Bluth.

Yeah. Um... Hmm, who would you be? Who would I be? Maybe Olivia Pope. Oh, a fixer? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, Olivia Pope.

Uh, a guest wears a white dress to your wedding. You... Roll your eyes. Tell her how amazing she looks and take a photo with her. Start hatching a plan to get her another dress ASAP. Poke fun of it in your toast to the guest. Oh, I'd probably poke fun of it in the toast to the guest. Be like, this fucking bitch.

No, that doesn't sound like a joke, no, does it? No, hopefully you would punch it up by the time you get to the toast time. I would probably take a picture with her. That actually happened to me, my senior prom. I was wearing this red sparkly one-shoulder dress. And this girl, what was her name? Is her with a G. Gina.

Exactly. No, it was like something more. It was like a pretty girl name. Gregory. She was so pretty. Gregory? Yeah, her name was Gregory. Gabrielle?

Gabriella? Gabby. No, no, it's not a name I've heard since her. Giselle. Oh. Jarvis. Pfft. LAUGHS It was like Janisa or something.

Ooh. Um, and, and of course, not of course, but she looked fantastic. And I looked great too, but she was more developed than I was and like had some body adi adi. And I was like, well, it doesn't look like that on me. Oh, no. But we laughed about it and then took a photo together. And then I was like, ha ha ha. We both look equally good in this dress.

We both look equally good in this dress. We both look equally good. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. The number one reason you text your friend is to... Complain about everything. Check in and be the support... Check in and be supportive no matter what. Gossip.

Make sure they know you're still alive since you're so busy. Mmm... I like to, like, check in and gossip. Yeah. I guess I'll do it. Wait, which one? There's a check in and then there's a gossip. Yeah, that's why I'm having trouble. But I think, yeah, maybe check in and be supportive no matter what.

I guess sometimes I do have to text to let people know I'm alive, because I'll forget to tell people what's going on. Mm-hmm. You also love to just change that phone number and not tell nobody. Yeah, sure. Then I become the gatekeeper of who gets to talk to you. But isn't that fun? Kind of. Which movie are you watching tonight?

Hustlers. Swallow? No, I don't know what that one means. A Star is Born. The Hate You Give. Crazy Rich Asians. Bird Lady. It's Lady Bird.

Mmm... What did I say? You said Bird Lady. Fuck. I thought you did that on purpose. Sure didn't. Uh, sometimes my words get switched around. Um... I can't believe I said Bird Lady. I thought you did that on purpose. Sure didn't. Sometimes my wearers get switched around.

I can't believe I said bird lady. Yeah, with so much confidence. I'm looking at it and it says lady bird. Anywho, okay. Definitely watching A Star Is Born. I'm constantly watching A Star Is Born. It's a perfect movie. I also would watch A Star Is Born.

I've watched it a couple times already and I love it. I think we've watched it together. Yep, I'm sure. Words you live by. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Maya Angelou. This too shall pass. YOLO and FOMO. It took me quite a long time to develop a voice,

and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent. Madeline Albright. Mm, Maddie. Who are you gonna go with? I think Madeline Albright. Mm. I'm going with Maya because anytime I have not trust Who are you gonna go with? I think Madeleine Albright. Mm. I'm going with Maya because anytime I have not trust my instincts on a person,

they end up being fucking trash, and they have shown who they are in the beginning, and I just chose to ignore it. So I'm gonna really keep that in my heart. Mm-hmm. Pick a Regina George. Okay, Regina George with holes cut out of her titties of a tank top. That was when someone... Was it when Katie cut her shirt?

Maybe. Oh, in the plan to like depopulize her or something? Yeah, but like then it became a trend. Mm-hmm. Then Regina George is looking kind of scandalized. I can't tell what the scene is though. And then this one is the scene where she's like, so you agree, da-da-da-da-da-da.

She's like leaning in, whispering. And then there's the Santa performance where she's like on stage. What are you gonna pick? I like the purple bra moment because she doesn't get embarrassed and she's just like owning it. Like whatever, I guess I have holes in my shirt.

Okay, I'm gonna pick Santa Baby, because I love that scene. It's funny. It's funny. This is Nicole. Oh. My toxic trait, judgment. You are quick to compare yourself to others. Slow to welcome the new girl on the click.

And you're as solid as they come when it comes to wavering on your opinion. Yep, you harbor some toxic judgment, but join the club. It's super common. Psychotherapist Dr. Darryl Appleton says that judgment is deeply rooted in our brains as a form of survival defense. A simple way to stop judgment behavior is to ask yourself,

why am I seeing this behavior slash person as wrong or bad? Pausing for a little soul digging can excavate truths about yourself, as opposed to whatever slash whomever you're judging. And why should you be so defensive about that? Okay. This is the sheer. Wow. Wow.

My toxic trait is overextending myself. Your to-do list is never ending. Your weekly yoga class feels like a chore. You feel constant guilt for not living up to expectations. Sound familiar? It does. You have overextended yourself. And while being a professional multitasker

seems great on paper, it's abysmal for your mental health and relationships. Aspiring for a perfect work-life balance is a toxic fool's errand. Psychotherapist Dr. Daryl Appleton tells us, the wild goose chase leaves us feeling less fulfilled and even more burnout. She says, make boundaries between work and home.

But what if I work from home? Set strict deadlines so you complete projects that belong in one space and don't carry them into the other. Damn. Today was actually a very busy day. I got up at like 7 a.m. I started doing laundry and then I got my car detailed and then I... What else did I do? Oh, my friend wanted to borrow a dress for an event,

so I started taking pictures of a bunch of dresses for my closet. And then I started vacuuming, and then I changed more laundry. And then, um, I had to go to the post office to mail some stuff, and then I had to shred some paper. And then I just did a lot of stuff. Sounds like too much, my friend. I had to shred some paper and then I just did a lot of stuff. Sounds like too much, my friend.

Yeah. Wow. I'm sorry. But I wanted to do all that stuff. It's not like I had to. No one asked me to do any of that stuff. But I just did it. You did it for your life. Did it for my life. Yeah. You could pay someone to do some of that stuff for your life. I was thinking that I was like, I can see why You could pay someone to do some of that stuff for your life. I was thinking that. I was like, I can see why someone would pay someone to do this, because then I could do the work that I want to do.

I'm not doing the work because I'm fucking cleaning my bathroom, like, as I'm doing all this other shit. So, who knows? Maybe I'll do that one day. Yeah, maybe. [♪ MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES OUT, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES out, MUSIC FADES let them lead the way. Actually, yesterday, my man went camping over the weekend and they came back and the car was all dirty. And I like going to the wash. The car washes where you drive your car through and then you vacuum it and like do stuff to it yourself.

Just because I don't like sitting there while someone else is like doing a lot to the car. It probably doesn't make sense, but in my mind I'm like, this saves time. But I just do it myself. And, but the car was so dirty that even after we cleaned it, I was like, ice is still dirty. So that's why I got it detailed this morning. Cause I was like, I, one it's never been detailed, but also it just needs a deeper clean.

But I was like, we should have just gone to a place where they just did all this stuff for us. Did you... Why take it somewhere? I have someone come to my home to detail my car. Oh, that's what happened this morning. Someone did come to my home. But yesterday we went to a place to drive it through and then vacuum it. And then that was like, oh, I just...

We could have gone to a place where they just... Mm-hmm. ...did all that stuff for you. Yeah. I didn't realize that people could come to your home to wash your car and tell my neighbors. I was like, how is someone always washing their car? And I was like, and it's never my neighbor.

Who is it? And then I like, and it's never my neighbor. Who is it? And then I like blocked the thing on the side of the truck. And I was like, oh, they come to wash the car. Yeah. Blew my fucking little ass mind. Yeah, I think that's the way to do it. Yeah, I did it the other day. And by the other day, I mean, like a couple of months ago, my hair, my car is covered in dog hair. I to do it. Yeah, I did it the other day. And by the other day, I mean like a couple months ago, my car's covered in dog hair. I should do it again. But it was just lovely.

They came, they washed it, and I did other stuff. Mm-hmm. Boy, oh boy, it's great. Okay, here's a letter. Hi, everyone. So, I'm a college student and for a while, didn't have any close friends here. This year, I met two girls and we hit it off right away.

We're pretty close, but lately I feel less motivated to hang out with them. It's nothing against them. They're really great. And I'm so lucky to have formed this friendship with them. I just feel like I get in this mood where I really don't want to hang out with anyone. The thing is, while I would prefer to stay home sometimes,

I know I would feel left out afterwards. To give some context to my relationships, I don't really have many friends in general. I have two friends from high school, but we don't really talk except when we are home for breaks, aside from Snapchat, streaks, but that's not talking. That is why maintaining this relationship is really important to me because though I don't have many,

I really value close friendships. Do you think I should push myself more to hang out with them? To push myself more to hang out with them more? Or do you think it's okay to not hang out all the times they do? How should I manage feelings of being left out? Trio friend groups are hard. Thank you so much. I think you guys are so cute. Okay. Bye. It is tough.

And I get like, I mean, there's times where I'm like, oh, I should just go out and go do this thing. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to. But then I go out and then I get home and I'm like, you know what? I'm glad I went out. I had a nice time. Very rarely do I go out and I'm like, yikes, that was worthless. Except for the time I went and saw the Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween at the at the, um...

At the Bonk of Amarica Stadium. I wish I had stayed home and never forced friends to do that with me. It was the worst thing I've ever done. All these little gremlin children running around, these freaky deaky things on the screen. Everyone's like, this is a kids movie. And I was like, this man burst into worms!

It was wild. It was sick. And I said it was sick out loud, and this man turned around, and he was like, mm-hmm, I know. But yeah, I think you should, like, this man burst into worms. It was wild, it was sick. And I said it was sick, and this man turned around, and he's like, mm-hmm, I know. But yeah, I think you should like force, not force, but just encourage yourself to go out more. Yeah, because sometimes you might surprise yourself. I would also say don't beat yourself up for not going out, because also, you know your limits.

Um... I, if I... I could see myself turning to a person that would, it would be hard for me to get out of the house. It already is hard for me to get out of the house. Um, so sometimes I had to be like, it's a sheer, just do it. And then if you are not having fun, you can leave. I think reminding yourself that you can leave

at any point is good, as long as you go and try. But at any moment, if you're feeling like uncomfortable or tired or anxious, you can get the fuck out of there and go home. That's always an option. But also, I respect when people know their limits. I remember when I was in college, I'm still friends with this person, one of my friends. She would just like go to bed early, which, you know, we would be late,

hang out late in the dorms. Not even like partying like crazy, just like hanging out. But she'd like, okay, that's time. I'm done. That's it for me, folks. And I was like, what this crazy? Like, why isn't she hanging out? But then later I was like, well, that's her.

That was her limit. She didn't want to hang out anymore. And that's okay. She's still my friend. I still like her. I'm still going to invite her to stuff, but that's just as much as you could take right now and hopefully your friends feel the same way and can think. Like, yeah, she's, you're still great to hang out with, but sometimes you don't want to hang out, and that's okay.

We'll just catch you when you're available. Yeah, I have friends who I know will go home early. I'm the late friend. I know, like, if there's a party going on, I'm not gonna be there till very late, and nobody's mad at me about it, you know what I mean? And I usually go because I'm like, oh, less people will be there, or I have something to do during the day. very late and nobody's mad at me about it. You know what I mean? And I usually go because I'm like,

oh, less people will be there or I have like something to do during the day. But yeah, I think it's there is something to just be like, yeah, I'll go for an hour or two. And then sometimes you're like, I'm having a great time. I'll stay a little longer. But also you just go, OK, bye. Mm hmm. Yeah. Solved. So yum, yum, yum. I'm hungry.

Give me another Hungry for questions. Oh my bad. I need to get for the questions. Oh Boy, oh boy, I think my period's coming cuz I've got a great big zit right here That's why that means I wish I wish it would go away. I don't want it Hi, this is Sherri Nicole. Um, I wish it would go away. I don't want it. Hi, this is Sherri Nicole. Love the pod. I was just listening to today's episode about the collar and called in about chairs. And I also have some advice if you wanted to hear it. If you are able to float your couch, like in the middle of the room, so it's not against the wall, you could put chairs behind the couch so they're like back to back which creates a different like seating area. You can also create zones so if you have

like a bookshelf against the wall that's not in a corner you could put it next to the bookshelf and cover it with a piece of art or a rug. I love chairs. I have them everywhere and Shashir is right. If you want to make it work, you can make it work. But those are two ideas that I had. Love the pod. Shout out to my friend, Derek, who I haven't talked to in a couple of months, but I know he listens to the pod. So anytime I listen to an episode, I think of him. Hi, Derek. Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. Great ideas. Yeah, very good ideas. I love it. Now I'm like, should I put some chairs behind my daybed? Ha ha ha ha. Honestly, you could. I could. I also have, I don't know if I've heard that term before, floating a couch, like putting in the middle of the room,

as opposed to a wall. You float your couch. When she said that, I do, but I guess I thought, like, like, vertically. That's what I guess I thought, like, vertically. That's what I thought. I was like, this bitch has chairs floating in the sky of her home. Just suspended from the ceiling. I was like, that's so wild.

But now I get it. Yeah, great ideas. Thank you for sharing. We have an email. Hey, friends, I listened to an episode recently where y'all talked about adult summer camps. I wanted to share that my best friend and I have started a body positive adult summer camp called Camp Roundup. It's the opposite of Fat Camp. On Labor Day weekend 2022, we hope to host 38 plus size babes at our retro rustic campground in Newark, Ohio, near Columbus. We'll have yoga, pool parties, dance parties,

giant slip and slides, cookouts, bonfires, plus talks about breakout sessions on topics like fat liberation, fashion, fat media, et cetera. Meals, unlimited snacks, and non-alcoholic drinks are included, and BYOB is encouraged. So if you're interested in partying with some fat babes in the woods, we're the camp for you.

That sounds nice. Yeah, that is nice. Yeah. If I was in Ohio, I don't even know where Newark, Ohio is. I didn't even know there was a Newark outside of Jersey. Yeah, I'd be into it. Yeah. Hi, Nicole. Hi, Camille. Yeah, I'd be into it. Yeah. Hi, Nicole.

Hi, Camille. Hi, Sophia. And hello, Jordan. It's me, Christina. Um, so I have a question, a situation, a thing. Um, so I had this friend that was, I'll say pretty much with my BFF, So I had this friend that was, I'll say pretty much with my BFF, you know, we were that close. We were tighter than a butthole. Yeah, that close.

Um, but things happened, you know, she got into a relationship. I ended a relationship and booked it and left the state. I ended a relationship and booked it and left the state. But during that time, I attempted to stay in contact with her. And I'm thinking that maybe this was like her first partner because she literally chose dicks over chicks. And I was sending her messages like, hey, I know I'm in another state and things are different now. Hope all was well and nothing.

I was pretty much ghosted. But now I'm back home and wherever I live and I was still reaching out. I was like, hey, hi, hello, it's me. Hello. And then just literally out of nowhere, we ended up meeting at a party and she was there and she's like, oh my God, I didn't know you were here. The devil is a liar. And apparently she a devil now. So I don't know what to do. I, you know, did my best to stay in contact with her and she was truly ignoring me. And now here we are at this party and she's all,

hi, hey, hello, I've missed you. Bitch, did you really? Because I've sent you multiple messages and I'm not feeling that same vibe. But anyways, here's the issue. We have been talking and reconnecting. And while I'm so happy that that's happening, I'm still very aware that she ghosted me for like years. And while I want to continue

this friendship because we were great together, I'm not sure if I just need to bring it up and be like, hey, what was with the cold shoulder or like was good. Um, so that's the question. Like, do I just start fresh from here and pretend like all that ghosting and nonsense, you know, didn't happen, even though it obviously did. Or, you know, do I refresh this friendship by, you know, pulling out the red table and being like, yo, look at that. Um, but yeah, so that's so that's kind of the thing. Like, I missed the friendship, but I know I was being ghosted. Anywho, that's all for now.

Love you guys, love me more, have a great one. Hmm. Hmm. What do you think this year? I have had friends who get in relationships and fall off the face of the earth. One friend is coming to mind. I think I just like let it go when it was happening. I was like, this sucks.

I miss her. But, you know, I do have other friends, thankfully. And then she came back in my life. They broke up. And I don't think it was like they broke up and we immediately came back, you know, became friends again. But just like things in our life led us back to each other. And conveniently, we were talking about a different friend who was like hard to reach or hard to hang out with.

And so I was like, actually, that was you at one point in time and not even in a like shady way. It's like, yeah, there was a period of time where it was actually really hard to get in contact with you. And I missed you. And it was like straining. And she goes, oh, my God, I'm sorry. And then she's like, but that does make sense because I did feel like I had to, like,

just be home. Like, she would, like, just be home, even if he wasn't home. And they didn't even live together. Like, she just felt like she just had to be unavailable, like, available for him, but unavailable for everybody else, even if that wasn't what he was asking. But that was just what she thought she needed to do to be a good girlfriend. And she knew later that's not the case.

But at the time, that's what she was going through. And yeah, so it ended up being a good talk. I don't know if I would have brought it up if it wasn't like seamlessly led into that topic, but it was nice to be like, OK, it had nothing to do with me. She was going through her own shit. And it also sounds like it wasn't healthy, like it wasn't like a good situation. Like she was just in love and like loving it the whole time.

And that's why she couldn't get to her phone. It was like, no, she felt obligated to be home and not talk to anybody else. And that actually sucks. So, yeah. I don't know. I mean, I would say, I don't know. Yeah, I am glad that we had the talk, but also I feel like I still would have enjoyed our friendship if we didn't have the talk. Does that make sense? It's not even necessary to rehash the old stuff if you're enjoying this person's company again. Yeah, I think it's like if you can move past it

and just be fine with it, there's no need to bring it up. But like if you feel some type of way and feel yourself resenting your friend, I think then it's just like, hey, friend, you went away for a while and I missed you and I don't want that to happen again if we rekindle our friendship. But also, friendships do have a se...

They have seasons, a lot of them do. Not ours. Ours is forever. You'll never get rid of me. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha hear from you because maybe she wasn't. We actually don't know. You know, I haven't I didn't hear for you for like a couple of years during this phase, like I didn't know what was going on. What was what was going on in your life? Were you OK? And maybe she'll be like, oh, I don't know.

I was a little spacey or, you know, who knows what she'll respond with. But it doesn't have to be like a you did this to me situation. It could be like, I really don't know what was going on with you and I missed you. Were you all right? And maybe she'll be more inclined to open up if there actually was something going on than feeling like attacked, like, oh, I guess I'm a bad friend because I didn't pick up the phone when you called.

Also, yeah, it's not about you. You're not the reason why she wasn't speaking to you. It was the relationship. I mean, you don't know the ins and outs of that relationship. So I do think it's like really good and pretty cool to be like, were you okay? I mean, I personally missed you, but like, were you okay during that period?

I think that's a nice thing to ask. Yeah. Yeah. Solved. Solved. Yeah. Yeah. So. So. And if you want your problem solved or talked about, you can email the clients to shea jimel dot com, or you can call for two, four, six, four, five, seven, zero, zero, three. Feel free to email us a voice memo as well.

We also have merch at Podswag.com slash best friends. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this. Sure. Wow. Well, I texted your friend about singing lessons. Uh, so I gotta, I gotta double check to see if she answered. Because I'm gonna take them and I'm gonna learn how to sing.

And it's gonna be a little cool. I'm gonna conquer this fear and it's gonna be so good for everybody. Everyone's gonna be like, she did it. Oh, yeah. I'm so proud of you. I think, uh, I'm gonna have to take swimming lessons soon. Why? Because I told my man if he quit Twitter,

I would take swimming lessons. And he just deactivated his account like a few weeks ago. But I really thought this would never happen. So... Oh, no, you can't be out here making promises. He can't be cashing checks that the bank doesn't know about. That's not the phrase and I have no idea what it is. Was it cashing checks that you're something...

Wait. That you can't... That your mouth can't... Cover? Cat. Cat. We don't do checks anymore, so this saying's obsolete. This is very true.

Yeah, my brain's like, what are you even talking about? Don't swipe the debit card if you don't do checks anymore, so this saying's obsolete. This is very true. Yeah, my brain's like, what are you even talking about? Don't swipe the debit card if you don't have the funds. Maybe that's what it is. Oh! This is really, I'll take a swimming class with you. Okay. I mean, you don't need to, but... I know how to swim, but if you would like support,

I can support you that way. That's really sweet. Yeah, I would like support. I love you. would like support. I can support you that way. That's really sweet. Yeah, I would like support. I love you. I love you too. And I know that sometimes, like someone just being somewhere when you're doing something difficult is helpful. So yeah.

Yeah. Yay. Hooray. Hooray. We did it. We've done another episode of podcast. We podcast today. We podcast and we podcast well. Yaa, yaa, yaa, yaa, yaa. All right, everyone. Another podcast will happen next week. Bye. Bye. Bye.

I want to talk more about just mindset because you are amazingly vocal about your mindset, your joys and your challenges. It's all there. It's in your book and it also lives on social media too. How do you like reconcile those two worlds, like the analog and the digital, and continue to keep showing up for yourself? This might sound a little silly, but I really think like there's like a Ziva aesthetic.

Like I love watching you on social. It really is girl, because it's so bright and vivid and authentic. It's like all of you in your joy and in your pain. And at least when I witness it, it gives me like this boost that I can do the same thing too. I can be just as honest and I can be just as vulnerable. Cause Siva did it.

And not only did she do it, she still looks so cute. Like you always look so fly. And like, even when I came into this room, I was like, oh, she got the dream aesthetic behind her. She got her cute outfit on her hair. Like everything just looks so beautiful. And it feels very effortless, but I know it's not. I know that you are so intentional about what you share.

Can you talk about that intentionality and how you're able to do it? Yeah, and pardon me if I cry or get weepy. I am in a very emotional time in my life. But it's a mixture, it's many things. It's not just sadness, it's joy. But I see myself as many things. I am a writer, but I'm also a curator, in a sense. That's what I'm doing on my Instagram page.

And I've been thinking a lot about what it means to curate a life, create this life for myself. I'm a tourist, I'm very sensual, I love beauty. These are the fundamentals of my personality. And I'm realizing that these are my superpowers, that these are the ways in which I make sense of the world, make sense of my life and find that joy amiss the pain and so The internet for me has always been about connection. There was a point like two years ago when it

Instagram I was just like what is this for? What what is this like what I just have anxiety, you know, like I around that time I had gained some weight and I was feeling uncomfortable about my appearance now, you know, like I around that time I had gained some weight and I was feeling uncomfortable about my appearance. You know, I was just like, what is this place? Like a place for me to go and feel anxious about posting a selfie. Like this is not the connection that I'm looking for. And so it was through that that discomfort and trying to figure out a way to get that same vibe I had as a kid and a teenager that I started doing my energy boards. People will DM me and send me messages about how much they look forward to my Sunday energy

boards and how these images have meant so much to them. And I love to hear that. And I think the gag for me is that same. This is also feeding me as much as it's feeding other people. And that's the thing that I go to the internet for. That's the thing that keeps me going. When I'm going through it, I can spiral and then I can be like, you know what? I'm gonna make a mood board about this, you know?

And it gives a shape, it creates context for where I'm going through. And again, like I can post these images And it gives a shape, it creates context for where I'm going through. And again, I can post these images about what it means to struggle with your mental health and then get hundreds of messages from Black women who are like, wow, girl, same. Thank you so much. I feel seen. That is what I think keeps me online.

If that didn't exist, I'd be like deuces because I don't get it. No, I'm the same way. I mean, the community and the response and the engagement, it fortifies you in such a real way. You speak to that clearly in your introduction. Your book here is highlighted, sis, all the tabs. And there is this one line that like stood out to me.

And you say, all this to say, the essays in this book came together as I fell apart. And writing about black women is the thing that put me together again, that got me through, that helped me become reacquainted with the concept of joy and freedom. And I think that's all which you're speaking to.

That black women, us together collectively, uplift each other, encourage each other, help us see the vision and affirm one another when it all seems bleak and dark and at times hopeless, you know? I would love to speak to that experience of just like the collective love that we have for one another and how you've been able to not only create this beautiful book and this career, like you have such a large body of work behind you as a cultural critic, but how your mental health has been able to be boosted, you know? And it feels like a simple thing, but it can be life-saving. Yeah, yeah, it really can. Because I think,

Yeah, yeah, it really can. Because I think for me, more than anything, what it gives me is purpose. Being someone who is in a state of depression, in a state of anxiety, I need purpose to sort of center myself amidst that storm, you know? Like, I know ultimately that when I write, it's something ancestral. It's something bigger than me and centering my writing specifically on celebrating and spotlighting and Just like expanding Stories about black women. I know that that is my purpose here And that's that that is the thing thing that makes the writing worth it. Because writing is hard.

Girl. It is hard. Yes. If you don't have that thing that makes it worth it, and that thing could be whatever, it can't be though, I see now more than ever, it can't be money. It can't be clout. That can't be the reason that you write. It's not sustainable. It has to be about something outside of you,

something that's not tied at all to your ego. And I think in the moments when I'm like the least attached to my ego, I'm able to see through my pain and my depression and get to the heart of the matter, if that makes sense. Yeah. No, it makes complete sense because I like to think in that same vein too and think about the work that I'm doing as an act of service because when you are being of service, you cannot be tied. If you're truly doing it in a way that's genuine, you

cannot be tied to your ego and you can't have these artificial ideas of what success looks like. It has to be genuine.