Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Loves an Activity

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer chat about new hairstyles, funny massage experiences, the importance of committing to the bit, and telling someone you need to blast off. Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. I have a song on my heart. Yes. It's Whitney Houston. It's one of her classic hits. I'm really not recognizing it. You know. We could have had it all.

Mm-hmm. Dung, lyrics. Allie, can you find it? Yeah. I was going to take out my phone and try to find it. But yeah, Whitney Houston have it all? We could have had it all.

We could have had it all. Yep. Didn't we almost have it? I still don't know if I know this song. It makes life worth living. Allie, can you play it? Yeah. It's a hit.

You are going to know it immediately. Huh. I'm not doing a good rendition. Yeah. I really wasn't going to get it from what you were saying. Hey, it's okay. I have just been humming it, playing it in my car. screaming along.

That's fine. Having a really nice time. Yeah. Yeah. I like repeating songs. Oh, same. I'll just go again. Yeah.

Again. When Mayhem came out, I listened to that on a loop. The Olivia Rodrigo album, Purple. Sour? Mm-hmm. I listened to that for like a month straight and then just stopped. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I'm on her most recent album right. now and just playing it on repeat and specifically the Cure song and it's really good. I got to get back into Olivia because I do like her. Yeah, me too. She's so young. She doesn't seem to be getting older to me. Well, I guess because she started young. Yeah. She's talking with her driver's license. What was that, 16? That's 16. And I think in some states, 15. So who's to say? Who's to say? I don't actually know when she got her driver's license. And did she ever get it? She did.

Oh, did she though? But she's famous. I'm sure she gets driven. Oh, I guess I, well, she probably so wants her license. I want to tell you, I'm feeling so good today. Oh, good. I am feeling so free. Okay.

I had a weave in because I thought, I had this job, and I was like, a weave will be easier than a wig. And I don't know why I thought that. I don't either. At the end of the night, you take a wig off the head breeds. Yeah. You have a nice time. But I had the braids for so long, and I was like, I love going to sleep and waking up and having hair. Yeah.

And, you know, waking up baldhead, sometimes will do something to you. You go, oh, that's me. Oh, God. It's like a jump scare sometimes in the mirror. Like, ah. Like if you're used to having hair, yeah. It's like, I got this weave. It looked great.

Mm-hmm. I couldn't get to my scalp. I was trying to itch things I had to get like a comb up in there Oh no So this morning I woke up early She really did

9 a.m. Oh my goodness Usually I'm getting up with the double digits I got up at 9 a.m. Drove my little ass to Hollywood Was late But I got there And then Tina my hair girl

She took it out And then she was like Thank God you didn't do this by yourself Because she was like I really locked you into this And she did because it took her a minute To get it out But when I arrived I was like

like, I look like a car hood. And she was like, what? And then I flipped up the closure up front. And I was like, car hood. Take a look at under the hood. And she was like, okay, Nicole. But she did. I mean, like, she did it in a couple hours because you made it here.

I did. Did you go home between there and here? No, no, no. No, it took her a minute to cut it out. Yeah. And I just, I feel so free. I'm so glad. I can't wait to get home and rip this wig off.

Yeah. I'm going to have a time. He's going to scratch your head? I'm going to scratch my head. Nice. I'm going to sit there and be like, it is nice. I've never been happier.

I cannot tell you. Oh, I also, so I told you about this massage that I got. But I'm bringing it up because, talking about scratching scalps, I guess it was supposed to be an upper body massage, and part of it, I don't know, maybe it was supposed to be a scalp massage,

but he wasn't like, like, like getting into my my scalp, he just kind of lightly caressed my scalp. And I was like, oh, okay. And then kind of just like touched my ear. No!

The more information I get about this massage, the wilder it is. And the more I'm like, you should have left. This felt like a hidden camera show. Maybe it was. And you did bad because you didn't react to anything. This is true. Okay, I'll

tell the whole thing. So I went to this massage and I've never been to this place before but it was in a hotel so I was like must be legit and must be legit people sleep here exactly when checks you in there's beds legit gotta be legit and uh the place itself was like fine but cheesy and and then there's like a ton of employees walking around and then this man walks in and he has a seeing stick, one of the red and white sticks. And he goes, sheer. And I was like, oh, me? And then I was like, I'm right here. And he's like, I can't see if I can hear you. And so I stood up right in front of him. And he's like, there you are. And he's like, well, I'm your masseuse. And I was like,

and he was like, you can obviously tell by the stick that I am visually impaired, but I have to disclose that. And I was like, all right. Interesting that he has to disclose it. Yeah. I guess I The stick implies. Really does imply. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's a little... I don't know. I don't know.

Because it's like, I guess I really never thought about it at all. Like, oh, it's a tactile job. Yeah. So you actually don't need to see. No. You just need to feel where my muscles are. But honestly, if I saw someone with, you know... Mobility cane.

Yeah, if you see a mobility cane, it's like, well, I think I understand what's going on. Mm-hmm. And I was like, all right, sure. Like, I trusted it. And we walked into the room. And he was like, you know, laid down on the table. I'll come back. He came back.

And honestly, the massage wasn't like better or worse than any other massage I've ever had. It was like pretty good. Mm-hmm. I did sign up for a upper body massage. And he did a full body massage. And I didn't want to correct him. I was like, this probably, you got it. I love this.

But also, I was like, maybe. I don't know how they do upper body massages here. Maybe they're like, well, your IT ban is connected to your shoulder, so you need to do all of it. I was like, sure, I'll take it. And he was very nice. He was trying to crack jokes. Because, like, he was like, sheer.

They call that, like, a cut of meat or something like that. Like, a cut of meat is she, I don't know. I didn't quite understand. I was like, I'm never. Keep me touching a body talking about cuts of meat? This is after we were done. And I was like, I was like, like I've never heard of that before.

And he's like, yeah. So like, I don't know. I honestly can't remember what the joke was that he was trying to make. Something about meat to my name. And I was like, okay. And I also like signed up for this through Class Pass. And he was like, I know that you signed up with Class Pass. Did I pass the class?

And I was like, yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. You got an egg. I'll make sure to say that. But I like that he said, what do he say to you? You have a dancer's physique? Oh, yeah, because I like laid down. He only touched my shoulders.

And he was like, oh, did you dance when you were younger? And I was like, no. And I was like, I played sports. I did volleyball when I was younger. And he's like, oh, okay, that was going to be my third guess because, you know, based on your physique. My third guess. I don't even know what the second guess. What was the second one?

I don't have no. Firefighter. Are you a firefighter? A firefighter? Oh, no volleyball. Volleyball. But also I was like, based on my physique, based on what? You didn't see me.

He just touched you. He just touched my shoulders. He was like, got it. But I like that he was like, hey, visually impaired people can be weird too. He was like, come on. We're all just alike if we get down to it. It's very funny. Like, it's funny to me that he touched you.

He was like, I know. Yeah. He was like, you're wrong. You're wrong. Not an answer. No. That's like when I saw. psychic in New Orleans and I had braids past my butt. I was wearing a gold skirt, a dinosaur

shirt and big red sunglasses and the psychic looked at me and said, you don't like attention. And I was like, okay. I was like, no, you're way off. Also, I thought I saw you walking down the street. Oh. And then I really thought about it. And I was like, oh, that's absolutely not my friend. It was a bald black woman, slim, and she had a lot of. And she had a little bit. And long legs, but she was wearing exercise clothing. And I was like, that's not my friend. Coming from a workout? No.

Sure. That's so funny. It's really funny. Also, yesterday I was talking to my partner on the phone, and I was like, okay, I'm going to jump off on a workout. And she was like, what? Everyone's like, are you okay? What do you mean? What?

Did you work out? I did. Yeah. I did one of those dancing exercise videos. What was it? naughty fitness. With that lady who's like, all right, get down.

Lower! She's like, pop that ass. Turn that butter. And I'm like, yeah. So I was doing that in my living room. It's funny because I feel like if people were to guess what kind of home workouts we do, they would be like Nicole's churn in the butter

with the lady screaming at her. Instead, I work out with this nice man, Daniel, who's like, you can sit down if you want. You can do it. I believe in you. And I'm like, do you, Daniel? Thank you. Like low intensity, barely moving, but like sweat and hard.

Yeah. Because moving your body is a lot of work. It's a lot of work. It's so much work. Like just like this, like the Jane Fonda laying on your side doing this. Those old workout days were hard. Yes. Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. And I try to do Taibo too high intensity. I'm sure. He's trying to kill us. I said moms are doing this in their homes. They used to be. killing us. The knees, my knees were like, oh, Lord.

Honestly, it's like, kind of doubles as, like, self-defense because you're like, learn how to punch real fast, kick. Yeah. Yeah. I did it, I think, twice before my body was like, you have to give up. You've got to build up to it. You got, I don't think I can. Yeah.

And I was doing, like, the home COVID workouts that he was doing where people had limited stuff. Yeah. And I was like, even with nothing. you're trying to kill me. I was like, these have to be easier, and they weren't. Lord. When I was in New York, I guess I probably took a belly dancing class.

Because I love taking classes. You really do. I'll take any class. You'll go to any concert. You'll take any class. That's true. You're just trying to get involved. I love an activity and community.

And the teacher also sold her own personal workout videos. I was like, I'll buy one. So I was doing them at home. And they were very fun. I can't remember how much of a workout it was, but it is a lot of like hit movement. Gyration.

I used to take this twerk class with Veronica. It was the hardest thing in the world. I remember the first one I was like, I'm going to crush it. I got a fat ass. I could move it. But the way these little ladies were moving, I was like, oh, deos meos.

And I just remember like kind of moving to the back. I'm being like, don't look at me. I don't like a class. In a workout class, they don't mix with me. It's oil and water. I wasn't say vinegar, but I think they go together. I don't know. That's like dressing.

Oh, I'm not balsamic. You certainly are not. I'm a ranch girl. When Veronica was doing classes online during COVID, I was also doing her twerk class. And I filmed myself because I think I wanted to see if I could improve. And I like stumbled on one of those videos recently. And I was like, this is embarrassing.

I have to get this out of here. I have to get this out of here. That is so... Did you delete it? No, I think I still have it. I would like to see it. I would very much like to see it. I'm like on all fours and I was like, okay.

No one can see this. This is not good for anybody. When I look at old poll videos, sometimes, like, I remember I looked at like, I don't know, the first two and I was like, oh, boy, you were bad. But then I was like, well, you were learning. Yeah, I never done before. Yeah, I think we need to normalize being bad or okay at your hobbies. Yeah, we ought to be experts.

No. You could just be having fun. Exactly. And boy, oh boy, do I like pole dancing? You've also improved a lot. Thank you. The inverts are still very hard. And I simply cannot do one in heels.

Wait, what's the difference? I kick up, which is the way you're not like supposed to kick up. You're supposed to like use your core and your abs and shit. But if you kick up with heels, there is the danger of just like hitting your heel on the pole

or like not hooking correctly. And then I have no idea how on earth I would get down from being upside down in an eight inch heel. Yeah. I don't know. It's complicated. It really, very avril of me.

Why does it have to be so comp? I got a lot of songs in my heart. This is what she was talking about. Yeah, she was. Talking about pole. I also bought these Loeweve shoes. Nice. They're cute.

Thank you. They're not real. I got them online from a straight, like just this random website. They shipped without a box, just wrapped up. They took these shoes, smashed them together, wrapped them up. It looked like I had shipped it because it was not professional. Got them. The dye is already dyeing the laces.

Nice. Yeah. And I'm like, what happens if I wear these in the rain? Will it be like a rinse in your hair? Do you remember hair rinsens? Oh, I do. I had one. I don't know why.

Do white people do rinses? I don't know. Allie, do you know what a rins is? I don't know. A rins is, it's temper. It's temporary hair dye that they put on your hair and then they dry your hair. But if you go out in the rain or if you sweat, the color just like drips down. Who and why? Why did we do this?

Well, I do like the temporary aspect of it, but it is a risk. It really is. I have a box of hair dye at my house for you. Oh, yes. Give me. Give me? Give it to me. Okay. I'm like, I can't now because it's at my house. my house. I have hair dye for you, a heated blanket for Tessa, this oil that I got that Tessa likes. I have Tessa's sweatshirt. I now have Tess's bathing suit and a shirt she left in my house. And I just have like your guys' stuff in a corner. Great.

Can we take a break? Let's do it. Did you get tired? We're back. We're back. I don't know. Sometimes I just like to have fun. That was fun.

Last night when we went to dinner, I somehow arrived first. Yeah. Blew me away. Yes. I am never early to a thing. You were on time today, too. Can you believe? I can't.

Who is she? I love it. Don't get used to it. But I am going to try to be on time for more things. Yeah. But you were walking. towards me and we just started waving

and we waved the whole time people were looking at it and then these two men were like we love the way you agreed at one another we are going to start doing that and then they hung around and I was like uh oh do they think friendship is happening oh I gotta back up

I miss that completely you did I did I mean I like we did the initial like ha ha ha yeah we were silly you can be silly too and then I just turned to you because I was like that has to be the end of the exchange. You are so good at that. You are so good at like beginning, middle,

and ends of conversations by just going, it's incredible. I, you turned and then I looked over and I saw like hopefulness and I was like, and I kind of went. So, Sehir, I, um, and then like was like looking out of the corner of my eye and I was like, I think they still want friendship. I had no clue. I was fully like, bye, that's it. It's wild that you can do that. But I like feel I feel them wanting more. And I think I'm

a giver and I like wanted to give. But I was like, I can't. I don't, there's nothing else for us to talk about. But yeah, it is one of my favorite things about you is like, you'll start a bit or I'll start a bit and then we fully commit to that bit.

You were once leave, we were in New York. and you were headed to the elevator. And from the door, I just, like, waved and we waved at each other until the elevator came. And you went, well, okay. It's fun. Well, sometimes people don't want to do it. And I'm like, come on. Where's the whimsy?

There's whimsy. And then apparently it brings other people joy too. Yes. And they're like, hey, I didn't know I could do that. I think, in addition to not being perfect at your hobbies, we need to be silly goose. Yeah, be a silly goose. Why not? Mm-hmm.

Why the fuck not? Why does, why is being an adult so serious? I think people just think you're supposed to. Mm-hmm. Like, I have a, I have a job. Yeah. I have responsibilities. I have a job.

I have a job and responsibilities. I take care of people and things so they're, they're more serious? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I also think, unfortunately, Originally, some people don't, like some people might not be born with a silly bone. Oh.

You know? I don't know. I really can't imagine. I actually saw a reel where this girl was like, two people with no sense of humor and like them like not knowing how to joke and being like, hey, are you going to drink your, I was going to say beer, but we're drinking wine. And they're like, ha ha ha ha. And I was like, I don't know if I've ever met anyone like that. But I probably met someone like that, but like, I guess they're not. You just don't clock them and you're not like, huh.

That's like that meme where a lady has a bag of peas on her head and they're like, she's so crazy. I actually really like that. I do too. I think it's really funny to put a bag of peas on your head and be like, she was so crazy. I get the intention of it being like, it's not crazy, but I'm like, come on. If she walked up and down the aisle with a bag of peas on her head,

I'm laughing. If I have my shopping cart and I see that, I'm dying. You are so crazy. You're nuts. I'm not in how that says? That is very funny. Right? I want to see it.

I would love to see. I've never seen it in real life. Me either. No one's that crazy. No one's ever been that crazy. I want to see you do it. You got a bald head. You're going to be so cold.

It will be so cold. You can freeze me. I would have. box of crackers on my head. No. I don't know what I hate it. I'll put a box of crackers on my head. Well, I, it won't flop as funny to me.

Okay, a bag of rice. Okay. Now we're cooking with gas, okay. Rice that grows in a field. No, it grows in water? Fuck, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

We learned that. We learned that grows in water. I don't know, you're right. Fields of rice patties. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes.

I retained. I learned. Yes. I love this choker. Thanks. It's like one of those like 90s old school ones. We got for Etsy. Oh, nice, nice, nice.

It reminds me of Clares. Yeah, definitely. I got my, I don't think we've talked about this. I got my cartilage pierced at Clares. And after I did it, I like posted a picture and I was like, yeah. A bunch of people were like, don't do that. And I was like, uh-oh, why? And then I looked it up and it was like, they only clean their guns.

with like alcohol and they don't take it apart. And I was like, oh no. So I've been like really, really cleaning it, trying to take care of the three of them because I got three. I've lost my mind because I'm in the midst of my midlife crises. Wait, this is recently? Mm-hmm. Yeah, Tess and I went to the Hanson Aquatic Center, the largest pool in Los Angeles County.

There's a faux beach. Yeah. There's changing rooms. Nice. A lot of children, but you just keep moving away from them. And then they'll follow you. And then you'll get hit in the head with a ball a couple times. But it's fun.

I had a nice time. Nice. And then we were like, let's get dairy queens. And we went to the Burbank Mall. Then Tess was like, let's get our ears. That's fun. I was like, let's do it. And then we got them done and then had our ice cream.

And now I've been living in pain. Cool to look at. Hard to sleep because I got them on both sides. Are you a back sleeper? No, I'm a side sleeper. And right now, I can't. I cannot sleep on my back because something, okay, my body, something is going on. I feel like I'm constantly talking about my aches and pains on this podcast.

Same. Geriatric. So I broke my ankle in 2020. That affected my knee. I figured out a stretch that alleviated the pain in my knee. Now it has traveled to like my side and I have to like punch my butt every morning for my back to stop hurting. Oh my God. So you're starting an old car.

Yeah, I'm like Marty McFly. I'm back to the future when he hits the steering wheel. I'm just like hitting my butt. Yeah, I have to like punch it. And then I can walk fine. But otherwise I'm like, oh. And I don't know what it is. I did save on Instagram this man doing a bunch of stretches.

He's like, do you want to relieve this pain? Do this. I have to find it. Oh, no. And once I find it. I'm going to be unstoppable. Look out world. Look out world.

She's going to be nimble. She'll be tucking and rolling. No. She'll be swinging on the pole. Oh my goodness. Cart wheeling into her car. Yes. I think she's never done.

But yeah, it's been rough. I'm sorry. And then I fell into a car the other day. Oh, yeah. I was wearing a very long dress. I was so careful. I was going upstairs lifting the dress. I sit down, make sure the dress wasn't sliding under the chair.

The end of the night was getting into an SUV Uber, an Uber black. Ooh, fancy. Treating myself to go two miles. And then I slipped and I fell. So now I've got like a bruise here. And when I put lotion on it, it hurts. Lord, I'm falling apart. And the thing is I only have one body.

You know, I can't trade it in. You can't. And I wish I could. Yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah. And I saw a video of Carolina Herrera. Okay.

She's a designer. Uh-huh. She's like 80-something. Wearing heels, moving better than me in these heels than I move in the morning. I'm limping around in this 80-year-old woman's having the time of her life in a skirt in heels. How do I get like that? I would guess that she's been doing it for years, probably decades. So maybe it's like, you know, the 10,000 hours, you just like, now she's a master at heels and skirts.

Yeah. I'm wearing flats hobbling around. And I can't stop shitting. I'm so sorry. I talked about this on a different podcast, but that's behind a paywall. If you want to hear me talk more about shit, you got to pay for it. You got to pay for it on Patreon. Thanks, baby.

Now, I'll tell you all, I ate eggs in a hash brown yesterday. That's normal. Yeah. I shared my eggs with Clyde because a pet psychic once told me he wants eggs. So if I ever have an egg, I give him a little bit. He had a nice time. I had a nice time. I finished it.

I said, yay. Went to the doctor in Beverly Hills. She's so fucking far away. She was nice to me yesterday. So that was nice. I'm driving home with maybe 20 minutes left. Oh, no, I had to go to CBS to pick up my medication. And I was like, oh, hmm, that's a little rumble.

That feels, you know, not great, but I think I'm okay. I get to CVS, I pick up my laundry sauce, I got a big one, like the gallon one, because I was running low. And I picked it up and I was like, oh no. And like the weight of the laundry sauce really got something rumbling in the tummy. And I was like, man, I shit myself in CVS. And then I was like, well, I have to go get those pills because my blood pressure was a little high because I had run out. And I was like, it's important to bring it down, apparently. I don't know why.

So I'm waiting from my pills. I get my pills. I'm walking out of CVS. And I was like, oh my God, I think I have to. to take smaller steps. So I am moving fast, but little stepping. I didn't see the yes. I get in the car and I was like, oh my God, what if I shit in the car? Do I throw out the car? What do I do? And then I was like, just get home. And then I text with the nice man. I was like, hey, I'm scared. Baby I'm so scared right now. I think I'm going to show myself. And he was like, well, stop texting me and get home. And I was like,

oh, I'm texting and driving. I'm so scared. And then I got into the house. threw my bag on the floor. I never throw my bag on the floor. And I screamed, my body's betraying me. And then I ran up the stairs. Almost no time between the pants down and the butt hit in the toilet. It was like, it was the 4th of July out of my asshole. I could not believe the fireworks. I felt like Katie Perry. Baby, I'm a firework. And it was so scary. And I have not stopped since. I keep shitting. These eggs, my God. What was in these eggs? What was in these eggs? I don't know. Not good stuff. The nice man ate a breakfast burrito from this place that had eggs in it.

He is fine. He's absolutely fine. I also, I ordered eggs, the potatoes, a hash brown, and then a bagel. And they didn't send my bagel. They just sent me death eggs. And I don't know. I'm so sorry. It's okay.

I'm just waiting for the shit to stop. Yeah, that'd be nice. Right now, it's been 30 minutes and I feel pretty good. Okay, great. I didn't know we were on a crunch. You let me know if you need a break. I'm a ticking time bomb, baby. Oh, my God.

One time I had eaten apricots. I was experimenting with some dried apricots because I had them. I saw him at the grocery store and I was like, this should be my life. This sounds like, it's a great treat. And so I took him home, pounded up like a handful of them, went to an event, and it was like, oh my God, I'm dying. I was sweating. I was like, what's happening to me?

And I went to the bathroom and I can't, I don't know if I started shitting then. I don't think I did. I was like, something's wrong. And then I was like, I got to get a car. So I got in the car. and like I was wearing a tight skirt so like the band around my waist was like pinching into my stomach

and I like rolled down the window and had my head sticking out of the car to get air because I was like something's wrong I'm tying and then got to my apartment and like was like crawling to the toilet trying to take my clothes up at the same time and then just like blew my brains out

it was like I was shitting everything came out of me and I was like why is this happen to me. And my partner at the time was like, that's what my grandpa uses to like be regular, to like clear things out.

Dried apricots? Yes. And I was like, they should put a warning on the box. Like this is not a tasty snack. You can only have one. Yeah. If you have more than one, you won't be shitting. Stay home. Stay home. I ate a hot dog from the Delta Lounge. I should have known. Yeah. I looked at that pot

dirty water dogs. And I said, give me one. It was simultaneously the driest, wettest thing I'd ever, and then the bun was so dry. And I bit into it and I said, well, this will not be good for my body. And then I finished. And then I got on the plane and I was like, am I going to barf everywhere? It was bad. And then I was like, you know what will settle my stomach? Alcohol. And then I had a vodka soda, and I don't know if it was a soda or the vodka, but like it did settle my stomach. And And then I was like, bring me my meal. So then I put airplane food on top of the hot dog. And then the last 30 minutes fighting for my damn life.

I was like, how did the more air? I'm like, oh my God. The man next to me is like, hey, do you want to talk about Joe Rogan? And I was like, no. Should have vomited right in his face. I should have. He was like, what do you say to me? People have been talking to me on airplanes.

I don't know why. I don't think I've been looking friendlier than normal. But he told me he worked in security and then told me the celebrities he worked for. And I was like, I would not want you to do so. You got loose fucking lips. That always trips me out when I have a driver or security or anyone who is like, oh, here's those people I worked with. Here's a story about this person. And I'm like, well, what are you going to say about me?

Exactly. Don't do that. You should not be in this profession. Yes. And my driver where I was working, I kept getting him. And I was texting you about it and you were like, you've got to request a new one. I was like, but then what will he say? They're like, oh, Nicole Byer didn't like me and got me fired or like switched or whatever.

But he did tell me that a certain race of people were created by AI and that AI is older than we all think and know. And I was like, ha ha, yeah. As he's like driving you. Yes. Your safety's in his hands. Yes. And we got in and out one night because I really wanted it. I got to say out of California, the in and out employees are not as spirited or lively or happy.

And I don't know what it is. The food was like also not as good. And I was like, something's different out of state. But I had my food and he was telling me about Hitler making Volkswagen Beatles. And I was like, oh, but then that ended up being true. And I said, oh, I can't wait to eat this in bed. And this man slowed down to like 15 miles an hour on the freeway. And I was like, why are you going slower?

But I guess he had more to tell me. And we get to the hotel and he's just inching up to the valet. And I was like, you can let me out here. He's like, no, no. Let me get you to where you need to go. And then I left and came back. And then he picked me up at the airport. And he went, Nicole.

And I said his name. and then he hugged me and I was like what are we doing? I was like, I don't know him. Also, he has told me some deeply upsetting things about different races and people

and he was not white. It was, he talked like a white man who really was racist. Yeah. It was so interesting to me. I was like, you know you're not white, but I didn't say that

because I didn't want him to drive any slower and explain to me what race was. Yeah, well, white supremacy really, Weaseless way in everybody's brains. I guess so. Yeah. Dios meos.

Deos. Talking about security, I did think when I was getting my massage from the visually impaired person who was giving me one, I was like, this actually would be a smart business for like secrecy. Like if you're like, if you want a massage and you're a politician or in the cartel or a celebrity. I love the number two was cartel. They're not far from each other. You're right.

You're right? Yeah. Then, you know, get higher a visually impaired person. And then they don't know who you are if you don't tell them. Yeah. I went to a Michelin Star restaurant on my birthday. It was not knowing who you are reminded me of this. It was not good.

It was one of the worst restaurants I've ever been to. I was like, I don't know if I trust that chubby white man. Right? He's a little tire man. He telling me where to eat. It is strange. That the tire people are telling us where to eat.

I think the lore of it was to get people to drive more so they use their tires more. That's so wild. Like, right? Yeah. Smart. Be like, go travel. Waste your tire treads.

Get new tires at Michelin and get fed on the way. But I went to this nasty fucking restaurant. And I love Open Table because they're like, what are you celebrating? So I put birthday. And I was alone. I ate at the bar. And I arrived. And the bartender was like, well, hello, Nicole, celebrating your birthday with us.

And I was like, oh, no. And I was like, yep. And then everybody in the restaurant talked to me at some point. And one of the services like, you smell really good. And I was like, oh, it's this like French perfume. She was like, what's it called? So then I looked it up. I can't remember what.

what it is. And I showed it to her and she went, $200 a bottle. And I said, well, I got a sample. So I didn't pay $200. She's like, you don't got to pretend you don't got money. You don't got to pretend to the help you don't, that you don't have money. And I was like, to the help. And I was like, girl, no. And I didn't know what to say because I don't know you. And I don't know why you're making me feel funny. Yeah. And then later she came up beside me and I didn't clock her and I went, oh, you scared me. And she went, mm-hmm. oh god what does she say she was like yeah you can't see the little people and I was like oh my gosh I went you're funny because I didn't know what to say yeah and then after I finished my meal

the bartender every now and again and I'd be like sir are you here for work or for pleasure and I'd be like work and he'd be like okay and then you be like what kind of work do you do and I was like a production he was like okay no follow like there was no conversation it was it felt like it was just a questionnaire that he had um um um And then I like pulled out my book in between my meal and dessert because I was like, maybe he'll stop talking to me. But then he had questions about the book I was reading. So then I was like, well, I guess I won't read. And then I get my dessert and I guess I said, too loud because he went, it's so good, right?

It's so rich. It's decadent. And then was like saying all these adjectives about the dessert I was eating. And I was like, mm-hmm. And then another man comes from somewhere with candles and macaroons. and they sing happy birthday to make. And I was like, I'm alone. Yeah, that's weird.

That's weird to go. Solo happy birthday. Yeah, and I was like, let me eat these colorful macaroons alone. And they're like, please come back. And I was like, I'll never be back. I won't even say the name of this restaurant. I don't want anyone to go there. It was humiliating.

That's too much. It was so much. Like, everyone's saying happy. Like, people at the bar were like, happy birthday. And I was like, God, and I was like, and I did this. I put it in the thing. If I was with people, I would have loved it.

Yeah. And I had a potato phone case and this woman at the bar was like, oh, I like your chicken. And I was like, it's a potato. And she went, what? And then I looked down at my purse and there was like a little beanie baby chicken. And I was like, oh, well, that's a chicken. This is a potato. Okay, okay.

And I was like, I'm the weirdest person in this room. No, it sounds like they were also weird. This is a restaurant full of weird people. Just weird people. But I can't believe I said, it's a potato. And she was like, what? It's really funny that you're like, no, you idiot. Obviously this is a potato.

And she's like, I was talking about the other thing. I was talking about the chicken on your bag. I was like, yep, I have a potato phone case, a little beanie baby chicken. Yeah. Well, let's take another break. Let's do it. It's a good break. Do your shit?

No, I'm kidding. At home, I like to say, uh-oh, I got a blast off when I have to shit. And then that nice man the other day was like, oh, I'll be right there, got a blast off. And I went, huh, are a lot of the things I say jarring? And he was like, yes. Oh, you don't like it when someone else does it. I didn't mind it, but I was like, oh, my God. I was like, that was so crude.

And then I was like, I say it almost every day. Has it ever happened to you where you say something and someone says it back and you're like, huh? No. I wonder what that's like. Yeah, I think the only difference you can know, like I'll say I have to go pee, but then if I don't have to go pee, I'll say I'm going to go to the bathroom. But it's like, well, she didn't say pee, so she's probably going to take a shit. Interesting. I've never clocked it.

But, yeah, I don't tell people. people like in very animated terms. Sure do. It's either gotta go pee. I'm like, I gotta go blast off real quick. Which is disgusting. It's so gross. Because it also like implies that it's like spraying.

Like it's like ejecting from your body. Oh, sometimes I'm shitting so hard it does. Feel like I'm like a little rocket like, oh, about to take up. We don't need to know that. I guess not. And then I guess if you said that right now, I'm a little rocket as I'm shitting about to take off.

I think I'd be deeply upset about it. Yeah. Wow. I guess I never learned that thing they teach you in school where it's like, what is it? It's like, don't do things to other people that you wouldn't like done to yourself. Do unto others what you. Do unto others as you would have to unto you. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm doing unto others things I'd never want done to me. That sounded crazy. That sounded crazy. Did sound really crazy. Things I'd never want them to me. That's very funny. Should we answer questions?

Let's do it. Yeah. Okay, this is called, Should I Accommodate My Gluten Free Co-worker? Dear Besties, I have a co-worker Jenny that does administration for our small office. Jenny is unreasonable and a real pill. There is not a lot going on in our office, which is not Jenny's fault, so she brings her iPad.

When she's not playing Candy Crush, Jenny has made it her job to complain about the cleaning company. The company wasn't great, but Jenny was also convinced that they were going through her things or moving papers. Jenny went so far as to get the cleaner fired. Jenny now claims overtime to clean the building on weekends. Mary Sue is a little old lady that works in another department in the building. Jenny has a turf war with Mary Sue over the shared break room.

Jenny reminds our office that Mary Sue's team and their mess in the break room, is their responsibility. We have no cleaner, Jenny. This beef is such a small potato's that Jenny loves to waste time complaining about Mary Sue. Jenny got so worked up over this that she spread rumors to our office that Mary Sue got kicked out of public housing because she was seducing little old men at the veteran center and stealing their pensions. Jenny's funny!

Jenny is not even a clean person. Her cubicle has had a multiple eight. ant and mice infestation. Oh my gosh. She refuses to get rid of old Christmas candy for a dish on her desk. She even blames Mary Sue's bird feeder outside the building for bringing in mice. What is this office? There's bird feeders.

Jenny goes straight to rage over small inconveniences. If she experiences technical issues or speaking with someone that speaks English as a second language on the phone, she was slammed on the phone or the keyboard or throw a cussing fit at her desk. Overall, she's unpleasant and I minimize interact. But I do not want to be on her bad side. She will make my life in this office more of a hell than it already is. Our office has 10 coworkers. We do a monthly potluck, which I enjoy because we get to eat and chat all day.

Jenny experiences gluten intolerance. Jenny went to an allergist to be tested for gluten allergy, which was negative. Jenny said her allergist is wrong because if she doesn't pull off the breading off her KFC, her knuckles swell. And she has to get rice instead of low main at Chinese restaurants or she will get a headache. I'm dying of her KFC Or her knuckles will hurt Like don't get the KFC

Fucking funny She claims that wheat cross-contamination Does not affect her and that if she does not want to have gluten or drink beer She will just If she wants to have gluten or drink beer She will just take a Benadryl That is not how gluten tolerance works It is an autoimmune response

And celiac disease is a serious illness Gluten can make people feel icky so we don't minimize this preference, but she's already an exhausting person, and accommodating her can feel extra burdensome. We have a potluck this week. I would like to make meatballs and lasagna. I put breadcums and meatballs because I have standards. My small town stores don't carry gluten-free alternatives. Jenny is a terrible cook, and I prefer to avoid her leading the main dish.

There will be sides, but I am sure it sucks not getting to participate in the main dish. There is a little voice in my head that says I should somehow accommodate Jenny and just make her something that doesn't have gluten. My dilemma is that I know if she was a kind person, I probably would. How can I manage this internal conflict while avoiding confrontation on the day of the potluck? Have you ever accommodated someone you wish you hadn't? Should I tough out gluten-free potlicks for five years until she retires or just bring lasagna and tell her to pound sand? Why am I overthinking if white trash Jenny can eat my meat? Sending lots of love.

Thanks for reading and thanks for all the hours of entertainment. my crazy world a little brighter. X-O-X-O-X-O, Roxy, she-her. That is so funny. Oh, my God. And it's funny because I don't have to be near Jenny. Yeah. Jenny sounds like an actual fucking terrorist.

Yeah, I'm sure experiencing Jenny every day is exhausting. God, what a treat that letter was. Oh, my God. I can, like, see Jenny. Yes. Oh, my solve for this. Make what you want to make, buy a gluten-free thing, plate it like you made it.

I think it's smart. Although, I don't know where they are, but they did say gluten-free options were limited at their grocery store. So I don't know how easy it is to get a gluten-free option. But I guess if it was like a, it's probably some sort of like veggie-heavy thing. Or like, you know how supermarkets will have the delis and you can get like cooked chicken in like a lemony sauce or something? Yeah, yeah. Bring that. Smart.

Plate it up. Put some saran wrap over it. Look at what I made. Yeah. Oh, it's not seasoned well. next time I'll do better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

Right? Yeah, I think not accommodating for Jenny will be worse. Yes. Than any effort you put in. I agree. Me, I'd be like, fuck that. But like in a work environment. I've accommodated some assholes on set just being like, well, all right.

Yeah. Say what you like to. I'll listen, but, you know, I don't like this. Yeah, because, like, worst case scenario, you create. an enemy. Yes. And now Jenny spreading rumors about you that you're seducing men or what was it? At the veteran center and stealing their pensions.

Write a movie. That's good. That's so funny. That's great. And a little old lady stealing from little old men? Come on. Wow. A bird feeder, a rat infestation, and just one cubicle. That's wild. The company, I don't know where she works, but like, hire another cleaning person. Jenny shouldn't be responsible for cleaning.

Jenny's not good at cleaning. It is so funny that she's like, I'll do it. This is a scam. She wants the overtime. Hire another cleaning person. That's really funny. Okay. I want our listener to send us a picture of Jenny.

We will not show it on camera, but I just need to know. I need to know what Jenny looks like. I need to know if what I'm envisioning is correct. Yeah, I have a real clear picture and I would love to know. What is your clear picture? Ginny is short. Yes. And she has like salt and pepper gray hair kind of slicked back in a tight bun.

Okay. And has those like black, like thick, healed kind of like pilgrim shoes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Lots of bags. Yes, lots and lots of bags. Tote bags, purses, just like kind of a mess. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I think she's also short. I don't know if her hair is slicked back. I think it's short, wavy, kind of a mess, lots of bags. I think she's round and has a friendly face that you think is friendly. But then it's not friendly. I think she has very like Mrs. Claw's energy, but then like is fucked up. Also, I think all of her devices have a cord hanging out of it that's not connected to anything.

Like the iPad that she uses for Candy Crush, there's a core coming out, but it's not plugged in. So when she walks around, the cord just kind of flies. That is such a good specific. What a funny, because I've seen it. That's such a funny specific. Let us know if Jenny's swang in that cord. solved. Good day, Sashir and Nicole from Adelaide, Australia.

Thank you for your lovely, happy, and uplifting podcast. I listen to you guys on the way to work, and it always puts me in a fabulous mood for the day. I was hoping for some advice on work friends. I have been very fortunate to make some great work friends over the years. However, when I move on somewhere else are the friend changes workplaces. I really don't feel the need to keep in contact. Recently someone I worked with two years ago reached out saying that they moved to a house near me and invited my daughter and I on a play date with her and her daughter who is a similar age.

My problem with catching up with people you used to work with is that the prison of forced together against our will element is gone. And if I've left a workplace, I really couldn't give less of a shit what's going on there. And I don't need to catch up on the goss. I feel like, yes, I really love seeing the work friend at work and bonding in shared misery. However, I'm a different person not on the clock. I ignored the work friend who invited me to the play date, and a few weeks later, she reached out to my wife because she was worried I hadn't responded. How do I politely tell them that while I loved our work friendship, it's not going to work out in the real world? Thanks so much, you guys.

I would just do the play date. I would too. Because it's like, what if they're a different person outside of work? And maybe this is your new friend and your kid has a new friend to play with? Yeah, like my friends who have young kids, it's to what I'm perceiving on the outside, it feels like they are thirsty for other parents who have kids their same age. So to have someone who's like nearby and someone you already know, like offer up this opportunity to like have your kids play with each other and you can have, you know, you know, isn't going to be a close relationship, but some sort of established relationship. seems like a win-win, but I guess if you're not interested, you're not interested. But like, are you saying that because you like didn't like this person at work?

Or you just like blanket statement, I don't need to see my coworkers out of work or my ex-co-workers. I'm trying to think of my experience. I had one coworker that we kind of like kept in touch and would hang out. But then now we just kind of keep in touch online every now and again. And I have had some work friends, like, reach out and be like, let's hang out. And I'm like, no. No. Yeah.

We didn't really, we didn't hang out outside of work when we worked together. We didn't really have anything in common. So I guess it's like if you work together, never hung out together, and don't have anything in common. And you were just, like, making small talk. Okay. Mm-hmm. But for whatever reason, somebody reaching out twice and they have a kid makes me feel like, what's the harm? What's the harm?

Also, you could be surprised. I've been surprised where I'm like, I have a perception of who this person is at work and then have seen them outside of work and been like, wait, you're cool. Yeah, you're fun. Because also, I don't think I'm 100% who I am at work. Like, I'm working. Or also depends on my environment. If I'm stressed, I'm not fun.

Like, I don't know people are going to be like, that's the girl I want to hang out with it. We love her. She's really stressed out. Yeah. She's ripping out her hair and she don't even have any. Exactly. That's why I don't have any. So, yeah, I would imagine this person who is from your last place you worked is probably a little different. Maybe you could make it clear like, I don't want to hear the goss from work or like, you know, which, you know, is a thing you could do in person when you hang. Yeah, like, let's hang. Hey, not really interested in the work.

gossip. What's the last vacation you went on? Yeah. Or you can say that in the message too. Like, hey, I would love to have our kids play. I mean, if you want, you could be fully vulnerable and be like, I'm a little worried that will fall into like old patterns of talking about work. So I'd love to get to know you outside of that. So yeah, let's hang. I actually think that's really nice and very upfront because then you're letting somebody know what your expectations are. And if they can't meet them, then you know, I don't need to hang out with them. Yeah. And it's a trial run. If you hang and you're like, actually, like, they're fine, but, like, not a person I want in my life.

You don't have to do it again. Yeah. But I think it's strange to, like, ghost them completely. Yeah. Because they do know you. It's not like a, I don't know. Yeah. They also know you well enough that they contacted your wife.

Yes. So, like. Yeah, is this your best friend? Contact your best friend. Text them back. Text them back. Well grew up together and ended up working together. Contact them.

Yeah. Yeah, I think they've, that's wild that they know you well enough to contact. Unless it's like they contacted them on like Instagram found the wife and content. Like I don't know how creepy this was. I don't either, yeah. I don't know. But they didn't make it sound creepy. They weren't like, this person stalked my life, figured out my wife, was outside of my house.

Like they, it sounded like. not like kind of normal. So yeah, I think just respond. Just respond. And I guess we really, really don't want to hang out. You can say they didn't go ate my baby. You can say, I don't have my baby anymore. Or I don't know, make up some stupid like I'm really busy these days.

Yeah, I don't have the capacity to hang. I think you should just do it. What's the harm? Yeah. And if they suck, you've got a fun story to be like, remember that loser freak? Absolutely. Solved. Hey, babes, contrary to the premise of the pod, would you recommend having friendless times?

I have difficulty going out and needing people, not many resources in my city, and not comfortable for me. And I just want a good quality friend, but I'm not finding them. Any tips on being friendless and dealing with loneliness without socializing? Nope. You got to get community. you got to get in there, get involved, fellowship. I have some tips, actually. Oh.

I mean, yes, it would be nice to have community, get involved, et cetera. Fellowship. Fellowship. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to et cetera, fellowship. Definitely needs to be in that sense. But I, after college, I moved in with my stepmom in Maryland, and I was there for like half a year.

Didn't know anybody. Like my closest friends were in Virginia. which sometimes I did make the drive to go see them. But day to day, I didn't really have friends around me. And I was also doing the artist's way, which is the first of many times I attempted trying to finish the artist's way. And part of the prompts were artist dates, where you would take yourself out on a date and experience art or the world or whatever.

Like go to a jazz club, by yourself, go see a movie, by yourself, go see a play, by yourself. So you can kind of like, I guess have enough focus to fully like absorb the environment and what you're seeing. And also just kind of made me feel more confident in being like, yeah, I can't have fun by myself. I don't have to like scrounge and be like, is there anyone who's available to see this thing? Like, if worse comes to worse, I can just go do that fun thing by myself. So yeah, I do see, I think there's value in like still doing things by yourself. And by the time you meet somebody that you like, you can be like, I already have a bunch of things I like doing. Would you like to join me? That's nice. Wow. Fellowship with yourself.

Fellowship with yourself. And then others. Yes. Exactly. If you can't fellowship by yourself, who the hell the hell you got fellowship with? That's actually really good at. advice to do like the artist's way or something to like because then the prompts will get you out of the house and you're not like just alone trying to figure shit out because the world is you know big and fun and one of my favorite things to do is read alone in Barnes & Noble I love reading alone and Barnes and Noble do I finish the books do I buy them no but do I have a quarter of a book in me at a time yeah and one day I'll piece it all together and people will be like this story doesn't Makes sense.

And I'm like, yes, it does. To me it does. To me it does. And I figured it out over a cookie. Because they have those racist peanut butter cookies. They're so good. But the last Barnes & Noble I went to didn't have them. And I said, whoa, did the exclusivity end?

Maybe. Do they not have them anymore? So sorry. Solved. I'd also say, I feel like people keep saying, like, when it comes to romantic partnerships, like, it comes at you when you're least expected or whatever or when you're not looking. So you're not like actively being like, I have to find a friend and you're just doing you and like doing activities. You might stumble upon a friend.

Who knows? Maybe while you're at Barnes & Noble, you'll see somebody else reading by themselves and be like, oh, what are you reading? And strike up a conversation. Yes. Yeah. That is nice. That's how I met Meatball. I was just doing their podcast and we just ended up talking afterwards.

And I was like, you live near me? Oh. And then we just like started a friendship. Yeah. Yeah. You never know. Mm-hmm. Solved.

And if you would like a problem solved, we have an email address. Nicole and SashiraGivil.com. We also have a phone number. 323-23-8-6554. And we're streaming. You can watch us on Hulu or Disney Plus and see this. There. A day before we release everywhere else.

Exactly. So on Mondays. Tuesdays? Wednesdays. On Tuesdays. Thursdays. Fridays. Saturdays.

Sundays. Wednesday. Wednesday is when we usually release on YouTube and on wherever you get your podcast. But if you want to see any of that a day before. On Tuesday. That's where I was heading. Exactly. You can go to Disney Plus or Hulu and see us there.

Exactly so rude. Exactly is like interesting, different. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We're on the same page. Exactly. That's what you did to those men last night. I did.

That was so exactly. That was I can't. Well, goodbye. Bye. I don't know. There's still some. time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season.

Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season. Oh, yes! I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle,

Washington. And then everyone gathers around Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago. I broke a toilet fair. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston.

Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th show at City Winery in Philadelphia? Love that. And of course, there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Grammar. theater in New York. Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is the most magical time of the year.

People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah!