Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Loves Yuzu

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Nicole and Sasheer have a very special friend joining them today - the wonderful Owen Thiele (Adults, Overcompensating, Theater Camp)! The trio gets into an exciting brand new segment called "Why Were You Late?", different confrontational strategies depending on if you are a) in or b) out of your car, and what it means to be a friend collector vs friend recycler.Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Casey Donahue.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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There's one specific faux fur bomber jacket from K. Carl Lagerfeld, Paris. I've been really thinking about adding into my rotation. I also have always been a fan of Steve Madden's shoes, and I think their loafers will be the perfect statement shoe that's too cute to not become a staple item. Ah! I can't wait to wear it all! Hi, Sashire!

we have a guest today we do it's that fun you're better at introducing I am I don't know why you're waiting I'm not good at that I can do it

just look like you were prepping okay today we have a new friend his name is Owen Thiel an L.A. born actor, writer most recently known for starring at FX adults and Primes. You were so funny on it thanks so deeply funny Thanks thank you and primes overcompensating

which I also love and has appeared in hit shows like hacks, dollface, and I think you should leave, it's Oethia! Wait, I love that bio. Do you guys write that? We didn't write anything. Allie wrote it.

Absolutely gorgeous. It makes me sound so, it's like hacks I was in one second of. Literally. It counts. Blank and you miss me. No, it counts. Trust me, it counts on your IMDB too. I will tell you, my friend worked at Ha! Comedy Club and Times Square and one of the comics was introduced

from, you know him from Talladega Nights. We watched Talladega Nights three times trying to find this man he was in the background of the fair scene. By the way that counts. It counts. I don't know. He didn't have a line. It was a drone shot. I don't know if it counted. Famously from Talladega

Night. It's like, where? That's hilarious. No, my somebody looked up, my family friend just looked up my IMD and she texted me like so many times in a row being like, you were in hacks. I've watched it all. You were in, I think.

you should leave. I've watched it. Like, be it. And I was like, you should go back. I've in one second of it. But it does count. It does count. On IMDB. Then star meter goes a little up because of those things. Just a little up. Just a little touch. No, I think it goes down. Does it go down? Why? No, I think the lower your rating, the better you are. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. It goes down. Yeah. When you're like, when you're in the thousands, you suck. You want to be single digits on IMTC. I actually don't understand the rating. What does that mean? Who's rating it? What is a star meter? What is a star meter? What does it mean?

Is it the amount of clicks or is it the amount of times? Maybe amount of searches? I think it's the amount of search. I think it's an amalgamation. I don't know if I'm saying that word, right? You are using it correctly. You did say it correctly. Yes.

You are. I think it's an amalgamation of clicks on your name, things you've been in, and articles written about you. You're lying. I don't know. I made it up. Articles written about you is so dark. Well, when you go to the IMDB, like, IMDB, like IMDB Pro.

articles about your link come up yes oh my god I'm going to start having really bad articles written about me no don't do that just to get that meter is going to start writing about me and my my star meter is going to be through the room yeah you've been having like a really great moment right now yes it's so great it's so nice I'm such a fan of both of you you guys I said that walking in but I truly am you guys are so you guys are comedic geniuses thank you so there's that so Congrats on that. Thanks. I've been loving being in TV shows.

It's been really fun. It's really cool. There is no other way to say that. Totally, totally. You sound horrible either way. I've had a really great time being on television. I know, I know. Personally, I like it.

I like it. It's good. It works. Yeah, it's fine. No, it's been really fun. It's so funny because adults is about five best friends. And I didn't know. of them before filming it so hopefully we get a second season because now we

actually became best friends so now I'm like wait second season would just be working with your friends yes first season was like I'm getting to know these people I'm getting dinner with them every night you know what I mean like learning their intricacies and their beauty and their whatever but now I'm like wait I just want to do this for the rest of my life because I can work with friends was it so nice was it immediate do you feel like like instantly as soon you saw each other like oh the chemistry's there or was like a gradual I always think the chemistry's there. I'm always like, well, we're best

friends. And then they're like, I don't know you at all. I simply don't know you. I simply could not know you less. But I felt like it was there very quickly. But it's also like when you're put in a different, we were in Toronto, we had no one else. Like, I think if we were

in L.A. and I had other people that I'd grown up with here, it would have been harder to like sit with them and bond. But it was kind of like a social experiment. You're isolated. We were so isolated in Toronto. It's like camp. Yeah. It's like. It is a little bit like camp.

Yeah. Also, your casting director is very, very good because the chemistry, I can see the chemistry. The chemistry is there. It's so fun. Thanks. I think you'll get a second season. Let's knock on wood. Let's knock on wood.

I know. I don't know. This feels like wood. It could be wood. I don't know. My boyfriend always knocks on his dick. That's really funny. That's really funny.

Is it funny or is it like a... No. It's kind of corny, but it's funny. It's corny and it's also like... It's not wood. You know what I mean? It's like, it's barely wood. No, I'm joking.

That's so mean. He has a great dick. I'm dumb. I didn't get it. Wait, what did you think? Like, what? Yeah. Yes, that's what I'm reveling in.

What did you think of it was? I just thought he was knocking on his dick for like, good luck. He was like, I don't know, knock, knock my dick, dick. And you're like, that's all I mean. That's funny as is. No rewrites, no punchups. Just knock on your dick. I love that.

That's funny. I love that. And then I was like, oh, wood, hard dick. And then I was like, whoa, your boyfriend's walking around just like, you know what I was like, oh, no, it's a joke. No, and that's why I said he's not. And but that's why I had to take it back, because he has no problems getting hard. And I just made it seem like he did.

Jared, I love you. Is wood only wood, if it's hard? Yeah. Oh. Think about it. Oh, because I guess wood is hard. Yeah, what is hard. Wow, now I'm learning.

Okay, got it, got it. Wait, I love both of you not getting the joke at all, being like, I'm sorry, that's genius. You're not understanding it. Both of you had gut reactions. You were like, I love that. You were like, genius, really seriously, gorgeous joke. I love that.

I had a conversation with a friend where she was like, I don't think you actually understand jokes. I'm dead. And she was like, and I don't think you tell jokes. I think you talk in a funny voice. That is so not true. And I was like, I think you're right. Because I don't really understand jokes.

I love that. I really like that you didn't understand that. But now that you understand it, it's less funny. No, I still like it. Oh, I like it. I like the layers. I think that's very layer. It's like a tiramisu.

I love it. Deep. You really have to understand it to get it. Yeah. I mean, I really, okay. So sure wanted to do a segment called, why were you late? Oh, yeah. We've never done this before.

And maybe we'll never do it again. I can't tell if it's too confronting. But I think it'd be funny. It's not confronting at all. I was late. Yeah. 15, 14 minutes. 14 minutes but then I parked so 16 minutes what happened what happened so hey guys now I feel

really good for it no so I woke up today craving a smoothie but I wake up I have two I sleep two hours a night two to three I'd sleep or like I sleep no time I don't sleep why it's a horrible thing that's gone on with me is it I was very young is it you just can't sleep I have horrible insomnia. When I was getting my wisdom teeth out, I fought through anesthesia. Like, my body will not go to sleep. I also fought a little bit through anesthesia when I had surgery on my ankle. I remember the lady going, you're getting pretty far with these numbers. And I was like, I'm trying. I'm sorry, but have you take like, I've tried everything. Ambien? I have tried everything. You tried Ambien? I've tried Ambien. I've tried Xanax. I've tried Gabapent. I've tried like

I've tried normal lexapro Maybe it's my anxiety But I've tried everything What about It's not called tiramisu It's a I've tried tiramusipan Tarazepan

Larazepam Tarazepan Tarazepan I've tried both Maybe I've tried Larazepam Huh? Triptophan? Triptojiban

Triptu japan The one thing that knocks me out Is a plane Is a plane ride Maybe I should take a trip to Japan Just to sleep Just sleep And then I come right back.

I don't even get out. So I don't sleep. So I woke up very early and I was craving a smoothie. Craving. And I post-made it. Oh, my God. This is where I get embarrassing. But I post-mated a smoothie, which is something.

From where? From creation. But it's so embarrassing to post-made a drink. No, it's not. This was post-made it to me. Nicky B. Wait, did you get any food with it? Yes.

I got a lavender frappuccino and egg bites. This is from yesterday. That sounds great But see, at least you're getting egg Like you have some Mustin, yeah Mine's just a smoothie Well sometimes I'll postmate that

Haley, Haley, the Bieber Oh Haley Bieber That feels like a smoothie though That's not And also that's expensive I'm on television My love Best Friends is doing well

I'm coming back my love I am coming back for these ad reads I'm absolutely coming back For these ad reads I'm absolutely coming back I opted So I post-made it a smoothie and it got stolen Off of my porch

Oh my gosh That's very violating That's wild I post-mitted it at 730 or 8 whenever it opened And then I didn't go down to get it for about 30 minutes Which already is like why did I not It was a smoothie I should have gotten it right when it was there But then it was stolen

Do you think you know who stole it Because I know who steal stuff off my porch That's so funny asked that. I'm scared of this person, but I have a feeling. I have a feeling it's my not next door, not next door neighbor or across the street neighbor.

Oh. They cross the street to get your because I'm telling you. They're peeking out that window. I'm telling you, I've seen my packages in their place. Like I'm just telling, like I know for a fact it's going to them. Oh my gosh. I know. I know for a fact. Have you ever talked

to this person? Like, do you interact at all? No, but I was sent in the male very kindly by this brand called Vior Vori I don't know what to pronounce it A brand A brand okay I'm an influencer I was sent Vori

Whatever it's however Viori I don't know how to pronounce it And I picked the shorts out Because they DM'd me asking if I wanted it I picked them out I was so excited about them And then my package was stolen And I saw my cross-the-street neighbor In the same blue shorts No

So I was like is that a weird coincidence Okay You got to get a wrong ring doorbell. I know. The only thing is I live in a building like with two other, it's a, it's only it has four units.

Yeah. So I would have to ask, it would have to be like a conversation. A conversation with my, my, my, my, uh, with my, uh, with, with the neighbors. With the neighbors. And I don't, I'm already loud.

I don't think they like me. I understand. Like who would have the login for that. Like, do you know what I mean? Or get a rock camera. What's that? I don't know. I've seen it on Amazon.

Okay. It's a rock with a camera in it. Or a Barbie doll with a camera on it and just like place it under you. Wait, I'm so... Well, what if he steals the Barbie doll? Well, then you'll have the footage of him. The answer is just shaking. It's just his face.

No, it might not be him. It is him. It is him. I think it is him. I think he definitely stole his shorts. I would be surprised about him stealing the creation smoothie with, like, creatine in it? Maybe he steals and he was like looking out the window. It was like, something was delivered. He's like, well, 20 minutes. it's communal property now

totally yeah also if you was stealing because it was like getting melted and looked gross like I actually applaud him like that's actually nice no don't do that okay sorry well I'm scared he's like he was doing me a favor yeah he knew that maybe he thought I forgot it maybe I thought I forgot the package too no he's stealing from you no he's fully stealing

just like my next door neighbor when I caught her trying to take my food because I went out to get it and she was there and I was like oh she went I was just trying to check if it was yours. And I was like, that's not it. That's not an excuse. My best friend hooked up with her neighbor.

Dangerous. You have to keep seeing this person. I know. In a building in New York, big building in New York, but there's one elevator. So you're always constantly riding the elevator with this person. I was like, first of all, first mistake. Second of all, she went into his house or apartment and they were having sex and whatever. And then after she was done, she was leaving.

and she looked, she like threw something away in the trash and she saw her food from last night that she got stolen like her like Taco Bell or whatever the fuck she got. That man's iconic. I will steal your things and your pussy. Totally. I was just so used. Isn't that insane? Feed me then feed me.

Literally feed me then feed me again. My God, that's wild. Did she say something? No. She was like, bye. But then she called me being a little. like this is so awkward now I did not like the sex she goes so I hated that that's awkward and now I know that he takes my food she's like this is crazy that's really crazy I'm like he took a lot from you my love wow he's been her bold for bad behavior so anyways I wanted a smoothie this morning it got stolen I needed a I needed a drink I was like do you ever get in that thing where you're like

I need something cold icy and juicy and flavored I don't like cold things so I don't get Which is so, she loves a lukewarm water. Like a room temp water. I make her water in a special way. I put, it's a little bit of cold water and then a little bit of hot water. It's like a suicide. Is that what they call out of the fountain drinks? Yes.

Wait, wait, wait, I, I'm shocked by this. Wait, on a hot day. I just, I don't like ice. I don't like anything. She hates ice. Because it's cold, because you have perfect teeth and it's cold for your teeth. my teeth are so perfect and I don't want to ruin them

yeah I do have sensitive teeth and then also it isn't like feel good in my body either yeah yeah I don't like cold I want just room to Are you a singer as a kid? Are you a singer? She sings now You're a gorgeous singer now I'm a gorgeous singer and I can't

This is my instrument Was that why? Because you were used to drinking Like lukewarm things Maybe I guess so I don't remember anyone telling me Well I do remember someone saying Cold water is not good for your digestion Totally

I'm always trying to have good digestion I am too and it's not working for me. I cannot use the restroom. Okay, this is another topic. You can't sleep. No, it's a disaster. It's been since I was little. But wait, so I...

Can't sleep, can't shit. Can't do anything. So I was on the phone with my friend and my friend was like, um, uh, Goop Kitchen. I didn't know how I had a kitchen. Humble bride.

Yeah, you didn't know. Gwyneth? Gwyneth makes... She's got the Goop Kitchen. Yeah. There's a whole kitchen. Yeah. Thank you for the explanation.

and by the way like more understanding of it now a salmon bowl is like $40 and you're like where was the salmon raised in her pussy totally next to the candle

next to the egg so we so she was FaceTiming and she was like the best thing you could have right now that you're I know what you're craving and you're craving a frothy lemonade

like strawberry lemonade and I was like actually That sounds really good. She was like, the best one is from Goop Kitchen. Oh. And I was like, oh. So I looked it up, Goop Kitchen, and it said it's two blocks from my house. So I went.

This was at 11.41. Okay. I had to be here at noon. So I thought, I have 20 minutes to get this. And it takes me seven minutes to get here. So I was like, I timed this brilliantly. I stand outside and it's a ghost kitchen. So there's not actually like, you don't walk in and order with somebody.

You have to order on the app. But the app is Postmates. So then you have to say pick up. So then there was a whole process. I, of course, said delivery because this is who I am as a person. I always mess everything up. I said delivery. Then I had to change it to, then you have to cancel the order.

Then you can pick up. Anyways, finally got my drink, but I was eight minutes late. It's okay. Then with three minutes of traffic, here I am. And then two minutes of parking. You see how that equal? Mm-hmm. I see how that's, the math.

Yeah, that is mapping. That math, math, math. That math, math, and let me take something. Delish. Oh, good. Absolutely delicious. Yuzu. I love Yuzu.

I don't know who she is. No one really does. Is it a fruit? So it's a citrus. Yeah, citrusy flavor. I love it. You both love it and you're like, I don't know what it is. That wood joke, love it.

What does it mean? What does it mean? Yuzu, love it. Don't know where it comes from. I have no idea. There's this brand called Yuzuco. I'm not sponsored, obviously. I don't know.

I don't know, but it's a friend of mine from high school. I'm always scared to say friend, because what if they secretly hate me? But it's a person I knew in high school named Marcus, and he started the brand called Yuzuko, and he just collared with them. And actually, when I was on my way over, loving it, I was like, oh, it's Marcus's drink. Oh, that's nice. Why don't you tell Marcus to send you some? Yes.

Marcus, send us. Free promo already. It's actually free promo for him. Marcus and I go way back. Old friends. Old, old, old friend. What's your oldest friend? Like, how far can you go back?

Elementary school, high school. Yeah, like two, probably. Two years old? Oh my gosh. I have friends that I'm a friend collector. Oh. Are you guys friend collectors? That reminds me of that Queen Latifah movie, The Bone Collector.

Wait. Just because of the word collector? Like, there's actually no correlation. Wait, it might be the same. What does it mean? I didn't know why it was reminding me of the bone collector, but it's just because it's the same word. That's really funny.

I don't know. I don't think I'm a friend collector You have a solid group of friends But do you have them for years Or do you have a lot of people who I know Are friend recyclers So they like go through a lot of cycles of friends I'm a friend collector I think

I keep them and then I'm like You're not leaving my side Forever and ever Well I found her And you've kept her And then I said nobody gets her Totally And no one's got me

Yeah maybe I'm a friend collector I know it sounds weird I think I'm a friend collector where, like, my core group stays the same, but then some people get recycled in and out. Totally. There's, like, people in the or of it. Yeah.

I think that's how it's supposed to be. Yeah. Even the bad friends, I'm kind of like, stick with me. You know what I mean? The bad ones? I have one scary bad friend, the meanest person I've ever met in my whole life. Totally.

Still a friend. There you go. Can't get rid of them. There you go. Wait, you weren't late today. I was like maybe 1205. So, slightly late. Why were you late?

I was late because I just didn't get out of bed. I'm still, I came back from Japan on Sunday and I, my body's still like figuring out what time. It's adjusting. So I didn't go back to bed until like 2.30 last night. Dang, girl. I know. That's insane. And then woke up at 9 and then just kept hitting snooze. And then I was like, I don't know, 1045. And I was like, I should get up. And then I was like, I'll order breakfast. And then breakfast came and I had time to eat it. And then I just like did my makeup and then left. Breakfast is just at home? It's at home. It's at home. waiting for me.

Where do you always live? I mean, well, I'm not going to tell you on air. Of course. But I live in L.A. Totally. I also live in L.A. And I live, and I tell you the exact address. Steal my smoothie.

Totally. 12 minutes from here. Amazing. Great. So we're neighbors. We're all neighbors. Amazing. Yes.

I was late because I woke up late because I don't have hot water at my house right now. What's going on? The hot water heater was not to code and could have flooded my basement. And I'm getting a new one and there was a manufacturing era so they had to come back today.

So I haven't had hot water in two days. Can you smell me? You smell great. It can be great because I'm covered in perfume and I've been taking whore baths, which is where you wash your puss and your pits and under your titties, lift them. Some people call them bird baths.

I like hor baths. It's so great. And then as I was leaving, the truck was boxing me in. And then I'm also having other work done, and they were boxing me in. So it took me a while to get out, it was just a lot of back and forth. And by the time I got out, the guy was like, do you want me to move? And I was like, bitch, I'm gone. And then I got into a fight with a lady on the street.

Wait, why? Because, okay, this lady. We're at the light, and the light by my house. If you don't go when it turns green, it changes very quickly. and then you're stuck again for like another bunch of rotations. So the light turned green, the two cars in front of her, gone. She's still sitting there. So I was like, the light's going to change.

I don't know. I couldn't see. So I honked my horn. And then she slowly takes off. And I was like, you got to go faster because I'm going to get stuck here. You're just like the light, the yellow light turns so fast. So I'm like on her ass. And then we like both make it through the light.

But it's like red by the time I'm across it. And I was mad. so then I wrote her ass a little bit and then she pointed at the the speed limit and I was like how dare you so then I honked my horn again because I was like move faster

I'm just amazed at how much you're able to communicate like not facing each other it's really unbelievable what you've done then she held up her phone and started recording me so I waved at it and then at the stop sign I went around her and I went because you're wrong

Drive your car, go! Wait, I get very, very frustrated when people are slow drivers, especially in a time when you're late. Yes, I'm late. It's my fault, lady, but get out my way. It's 100%. But it is our fault, but also it's their fault. Now you're making me later.

Even later. And then she rode my ass and was filming me from behind. So do you get nervous that that's going to be posted on Twitter? Post it. Post it. Because when she knows who you are, Good. Good.

What are you going to do with that information? Sue me. We didn't get into an accident. I'll kill you. Post it. Post it. And then I'll talk about it. By the way, totally.

Yeah. I love that you're not afraid of that. She really isn't. What is she going to do? What? No, she's not going to do anything. What can she do? You're right.

What? She's got the back of my car. She's got me waving friendly at her. She's got me passing her. You don't know if it's two lanes or not. I do worry that one day you are going to have one of those like meltdown videos go viral. And I'm just going to be like, I am obsessed. I'm obsessed with that.

Is that your vibe? Here's the thing. People behave so poorly sometimes that you need to tell them that they're behaving poorly. I agree. I can't do it. I'm a people pleaser. But I'm glad you can. I'm also a people pleaser, but not to strangers.

Totally. I'm doing shit about those people. my god and not my what and not in your car like you're protected by a car also yeah would you do it at like at a grocery store in person to person give me an example the other day I was waiting at a grocery store and I had a lot that I was carrying and I made the mistake. Do you know that feeling when you go into a grocery store and you don't get the cart?

Because you're like, I'm not going to get that much. And then suddenly you have so much in your head. You're actually dropping bottles. At this point, bottles are shattering. So that was kind of the vibe. And this woman kept being like, come with me to her friends. Come with me.

And then she literally like, two friends walked up and she was like, no, you're fine, you're fine. And I was behind her. Wait, in line? Yes, and I was at a certain... Well, yes. I was at a certain point, I was kind of like, how many fronts do you?

It's the whole store. Literally, she was like, and Reggie, come over here. I mean, we've never met, but I want you to... Bring the kids. Bring your pet fish. It's like, it was kind of insane. And you didn't say anything? I stood there, I took it.

I would have been like... I did drop a bottle fully. Fully, glass bottle of milk. Did shatter? Glass bottle of milk. What are you, a farmer? I was trying. I was trying a heavy whipping cream in a glass bottle.

Oh. Sue me. I wanted to make whipped cream. By the way, the glass bottle was this big. That makes like one dollop of whipped cream. Yeah. Why does nobody tell you that? Nobody tells you that making stuff at home is harder than you've ever thought in your whole life.

Totally, thanks. Nobody tells you that. I've tried to make orange juice from real oranges, and it takes so many oranges. So many oranges to make an... Do you have a juicer or you juice? Are you juicing it yourself? I do have a juicer. Yeah.

Just like a citrus juicer. You stick it on top and then like spins. And I have an orange tree, which is fun. But it makes like, you know, so many orange. That's nice. Look at your life. Sit with you. And I'm like, I'm going to get the benefits of my harvest.

Totally. And then it's like half a cup. Yeah, that's, I can't. That's what I mean. Like, why make things at home? I mean, that's how I feel. But I'm also a farmer. have a whole farm. We've asked nothing about best

friendship. Oh, but we also are asking about friendship. We have to take a break. We have to take a break. We're taking a break. We're taking a break and then we'll recalibrate. And we're back. I do want to talk about best friendship, but I also want to talk about farming. Tell me about farming. I'm a farmer. Well, actually, it's not more interesting

than best friendship. We're on this gorgeous project. Well, it's all right. We're having a nice time. We're talking. Yeah. This is, maybe you're a new best friend well there you go how old are you that's rude so you can guess no that's even ruder um you're gonna guess older than i mean younger than i'm older than people think wait what no i'm young no no sorry i'm older than you think no but that's probably myself looking young no no i am older than you think because i think i act really immature okay I'm going to say

Yeah, this is a bad game No, it's fine I'm not offended Yeah And so I'm 10 actually I'll go on the other side of it And say 62 Yes, well and that's also

Sort of correct I'm 28 Oh, okay Yeah I was like 27 Okay great Which is younger There you go

Some people either are like 35 Oh gosh Or they're like 23 Because I think I have like a frenetic, crazy energy that makes people scared. You also play young characters. I play young characters too. Which is great.

Which is great. Use that baby face. Yeah, use that baby face. And then sometimes people are like, that's a 30-year-old man. Why is he ultimately in the show? And to them, I say, totally. You're right? I would say you're correct.

Correct. Correct. And I don't know. We were in New Orleans. And the bouncer was like, let me see your ID. And I showed it to him. and you went, wow, keep doing whatever you're doing, sister. And I was like, oh, my God.

But then I thought about it. I was like, he's probably saying that to every woman who walks in. No, I don't think so. I don't know how old you are, but you look young. Guess? Well, I've been watching your stuff for a long time. So I was, so doing the math. So 70.

No, yeah, exactly. 32 33 How old am I? You're going to be 39 Can you believe? I actually can't believe that Isn't that wild?

I actually was going, to be totally honest, I was going older because I knew that I had watched your stuff for so many years. Goo, goagga. Well, baby vibes. And also dressed like a baby. By the way, 39 is so young. I'm like, I'm like,

I'm up in arms. I'm gasping at 39. 39 is not young. I'm tired of everyone going, 40's young. That's old as hell. I'm getting old. I'm so disconnected from things.

I didn't know what some video was where people were shaking hands the other day. And apparently everybody knows it. My name is thinking I'm really glad to meet you. Everybody knows it. And I feel crazy. Wait, wait, wait. Can I be totally honest?

Yes. That is sad that you don't know that. I'm just going to be totally real with you. Yes. I was saying. I'm old. I'm old. I don't think it's an age thing for that.

I think that's just like you just have to just open TikTok. Just once. Just once. But she's chronically online. I am and I know so much. How did you miss this? I don't know. Actually, it's not on your algorithm.

It is a trite. Once you see it, you see it everywhere. But like, if you don't see it, maybe it never comes up. But also, I'm always. is online, but I wait for TikToks to get aggregated to Instagram because I'm elderly. I do not like TikTok.

I don't, okay, so is your phone in dark mode? No. Oh, okay. But is yours? No. Mine is. So, like, TikTok is in dark mode permanently. I can't get the dopamine I want from dark mode,

so I can't watch. I do. I need the brightness. I need the colors. It, like, it bums me out looking at TikTok. Totally. I get that. I don't do it.

Well, I was recently, Okay, so there's a musician named I'm gonna fuck up his name. Somber. Do you know what this is? No. S-O-M-B-R. Okay. Old. We're old. Ready for this?

He's number 53 in the world on Spotify. He has 46 million monthly listeners. He has, his songs have billions of streams. I go, who? Yes. That happens to me all the time. And now, of course, I'm like obsessed with him and blasting his music and kind of, like, feel like so young.

I'm like, I'm 16 again. But it is, like, crazy that I had no idea, 53 in the world. Yeah. Like, Olivia Rodrigo is, like, 40 in the world. Like, I'm like, what's going on here? It's wild. That happened another day when someone, we're talking about rag and bone man. I was like, who?

Wait, I don't know what that is. So, okay. A human after all. You know that's all? Wait, you guys. Don't let the blame for me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, that man, the artist is rag and bone man.

I was like, I've never seen that combination of words together like that. Well, Rag and Bo and I have because it was this clothing store. Exactly. Yeah, man. But maybe he works there. That's what we said. They created a man. Totally.

That is crazy. There's an artist I just found out about, she makes the saddest music. Ethel. Who? Kane. Yeah. Gorge. Love.

I didn't know about her, but everybody knows about Ethel Cane. But then, uh-oh, Ethel Cane. Recently canceled. Uh-huh. Oh, no. I know. I didn't see. Apparently, Ethel Kane was edgy in their youth and was posting racist stuff.

because that's a fun thing white people go through did you all go through that phase? Yeah, whatever thing to ask on camera to the two white people

in the room. Do you want to say this? Hell of me? Pull up a mic and tell us the racist tweets. Pull up your racist tweets. We won't tell anyone. You're lying.

No, that's, yeah, that was actually sad to see. Yeah. Especially she's a trans artist. It's like, I'm like, wait, a what? Yeah. Your racist trans are

homophobic trans artists. What's going on here? Yeah, strange. Very talented, though. Very, very talented. American teenager, fuck me eyes. There's some great songs. Do you know Ethel Cane?

I do. Okay. But I guess I didn't know this new tidbit. No, the tidbit's bad. Oh, the tidbit's brand new. Yeah, okay, great. A week old. Okay, so I'm not that one.

No, no, no. A week old. Sabrina Carpenter was another person that I was like, who is she? And where'd she come from? But she's such a little cutie. She's a little cutie. I just want to scoop up.

Number one on Spotify. For me Like number one Like it's constant It's actually getting sad How much I listen to it Because it's like It's becoming

Like kind of my inner monologue Is just her lyrics and song And I will literally She has this line that says Oh I leave quite an impression It's from the song called Taste And I've walked into places And said like

I leave quite an impression But I'm like what am I doing? That's a full Sabrina Carpenter And only makes sense with her next lyric, which is five feet to be exact. I'm six, four. So it's like, what am I doing with this lyric? It's just become a part of my, like,

I like it. My dialogue. Yeah. It's very sad. You were like, wow, full of himself. Yeah, exactly. I literally. I live quite in a question.

Literally. I've been listening to Lady Gaga nonstop, and I wish I walked into places that went abracadabra. I just saw her live. We did too. We just saw her too. I just had a, we just saw her too.

Did you love it? Loved it. It was our last night. It was a narrative piece. Yeah. It was so fun. It was unbelievable. I loved the end where you think she's gone. And she's like, I'm not going anyway. And then she's taking off the makeup.

Yeah. It makes me cry. It literally made me cry. I was like, there she is, bare face. Did you dress up? I didn't, but I wish I had. Here is my issue with concerts. People aren't dressing up the way they used to anymore.

Totally. Except go to a Sabrina Carpenter concert. Oh, they'd be dressing up? Baby doll dresses. Yeah, yeah. But I know, it was surprising. Lady Gaga, I thought maybe it was because it was a Monday and people were like coming straight from work or something.

You know what I mean? I was like, why is nobody in cups? I was wondering if it was like, because she had so many eras, people couldn't like decide. And then like wasn't sure like what this era looked like, you know, you were saying how there was like there was a bow era or it was like the hair bow was an iconic look or like her poker face glasses or her bad romance outfit, you know, like, or like her telephone look. Yeah, which definitely has looks from this era, but it's like, yeah, I think it was hard for people to know what to do. This era was just like Gothic. Yeah. And like red. I think Lady Gaga

could have done us a solid and told us what to wear. Like Beyonce said, wear silver. I said, got it. Give me instructions. Let me buy some silver plether pants that are going to hold in that heat and you're not going to be comfortable. And then Cal boy Carter. Yeah. Cabboy hats. Easy. Totally. Did you go to Cowboy Carter? Sure did. It's amazing. It was amazing. It was great.

It was great. I love concerts. I do too. I do too. It's just nice to fellowship. It's fun. Dance with like-minded people. Totally.

We were we, we, I was sitting up high. This sounds weird. I was sitting up in the bleachers to see Lady Gaga. And then for some reason a friend got us, um, uh, what's it called when you're on the floor? Floor seats. Floor seats. And then I was like up, up in the bleachers was so fun. everyone was loving it, but it was more sitting and

and then on the floor it was like, ah, bro, you're dancing. It was like fun. It's so fun. You need to kind of be in the pit. Yeah. You kind of need to be. I like being on the floor because everyone stands. We saw Gaga in Vegas. Yeah. And we stood up and we were up a little bit. And then the lady behind us was like, hey, if I give you some popcorn, will you sit down? And I was like, I'm a professional fucking fat. This is no mistake. Get me a hamburger and I'll sit down. Wait. That was weird that she offered you food. Only me. She didn't offer you shit. She was like,

like oh she doesn't eat oh my god and did you sit no no it was weird i was like because there was the pit where it's like people were jumping and dancing but we were like well we like to have the option to sit and she told us she was like just the songs called just dance dance did you say that to her no i just said no but it was weird but it was weird i should have fought her i think like Vegas residences maybe at least in that space are strange because the tickets are so expensive so people who are buying them may not be like they're old and probably want to say or they're not like they're like fair weather fans they're not like die hard they didn't stay with her through joanne which we did we all did we saw the joan tour we did you guys did we did

we did I love that yeah my favorite went to the bathroom whenever she put that hat on yep soon as a cowboy hacky mom they're like all right we're gonna get out of here oh my god I I love Joanne. I like million reasons. I do like million reasons. I love that. What's that other big song from it that I'm forgetting now? See?

And that's the problem. Yeah. But we love that she did it. I love that she did it. I love, she by the way, needed to do that. Everyone needs, she needed a cowboy kind of country era. And I will say, I love that the public didn't love Joanne that much. And she said, you're going to get country again and then did a star is born.

Totally. And now I'm on board with her country I'm on board I love to star his board That album was on me too Bradley Coops I'm gorgeous man He should have came out

He's in L.A. Yeah, why did Who came out for you? No one, right? No, yeah, same for us I don't think she needs anyone to come on out She doesn't She's great all on her own

Yeah Oh my God I agree I agree I love her And I would love to see a concert With you both Let's do it!

Let's do it I will go to a concert with you I like you very, very much, too. I was a fan of yours just in general, and then meeting you, you're a nice time. Also, do you get manicures? Yeah. And you know what? I knew someone was going to bring it up because they do actually look very good right now.

They look great. You guys, I don't mean quite an impression. Well, I leave quite an impression. No, well, they're dirty right now, actually. But it's a Russian manicure. What does that mean? Oh, I know that means. They cut your cuticles within an inch of their life.

Oh, my gosh. But your hands look flawless. Flawless after. And let me tell you, it took, I don't want to exaggerate because I don't want to give them. It took four hours. Because they're really cutting your cuticle within an inch of their life. Literally. And they're all, they're looking at it.

I was waiting for the magnifying glass to come out. Like they're looking at it so closely. And then they're matching each nail perfectly. They're doing like, it's like symmetry. It's kind of insane. I mean, they look great. They do look fabulous. Don't we need our cuticles?

Yeah. So that's something that I was learning about. Actually, after this. No, I went to my mom and my dad and I was like, look at my manicures. And then they said, Mom, Dad, look at my manicure. That's me in a nutshell.

Everything I do that I'm sort of proud of. I'm like, Mom, Dad, yay, part today. Like, that's the vibe. Do you have siblings? No. No. You really do give me only child energy. I know.

I love it. It's so horrible. That's great. No, it's good. But I like it. sharing than most only children but like I'm like have a sip of this like that's like not only child but my starved need for attention my obsession with being watched and talked about is just completely only children and also that that makes a lot of sense why you are a friend collector because

the only children I know do their their best friends from childhood are like their siblings so they're trying to create a family create a family life totally yeah totally Totally. I think that's very subconsciously in there, where I'm like, I need more than just myself up there at the altar, you know, whatever it is. At the altar. I think only children and youngest children have a lot in common. Totally. I have an insatiable need for attention. Are you the youngest child? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, and I was a problem. How old is your oldest sibling? Like, how many years younger are you? I am a year and a half exactly younger than my sister, which is devastating to live a year

and a half. You're like, I'm having a nice time. And then this monster comes. Totally. A monster. Like, I grew up with a queen-sized bed and she had a twin bed. Because I was unexpected. So they set up her room and then they had a guest room and then I just got to live in the

guest room with a queen-sized bed. I'm absolutely that they didn't change it. Yeah. They go, and when someone visits, you'll figure it out. And I got a new, I got a car, it wasn't a new one, but I got a car that was new to me. Yeah. And then when my mom died, my sister got what? Her old minivan.

And that's what my sister drove to school. Oh my God. It was, and how is your sister now? You know, she's doing great. But I think if you asked her questions about me, it would start off a little ters. Totally. Totally. Are you guys close?

We're close-ish. we're just very different people She is quiet and that is my fault Because even as an adult If we're together someone goes Hey do you guys want to go to dinner She'll look at me first Because growing up

I would be the one who decided If she was hungry or not I'm absolutely dead at that They'd be like Do you guys want dinner and she before she could answer I'd be like We're not hungry And then she would just be hungry

Oh Ruined her life In high school Now she probably doesn't know if... She's like, Nicole? Yeah, literally. She's like, should I eat? Am I hungry? I simply don't know.

When we had homeroom together, the homeroom teacher would be like, is your sister coming in? So she was also like my keeper. I ruined her life. Also, a year and a half is tough because you guys could technically share friends. Yes. Right? Like, you guys probably had some cross-up because it was just a grade. We did have some crosovers.

Wasn't that just a grade? Yes. Was that two grades? It was, we were in the same grade. Oh. I didn't know that From first grade on me We were in the same grade

Oh wow That's tough Mm-hmm That's tough Yeah Did your parents hold her back So that you could be in the same grade Probably

That's hilarious I have a seven year gap I'm the oldest child And my little brother's Seven years time You are so You're put together Like you feel like the oldest child

Yep I would go to you If my car broke down On the side of the road I'd call you Don't Yeah I was like Don't ask me about cars

Don't Look at the way she parked outside You gotta stop parking that spot. Wait, is it illegal? You did better than yesterday. She took up two spots, truly. Today she took up one and a half spots.

You got to just park in that second spot. But that looks hard. You just pull right in. But leaving. That's what I'm concerned about. But then you go loop, boop, boop, boop. But your car's shorter than mine. I could do anything in your car.

Anything I could do in my car, I could do in your car. Wait, wait, wait. I'm absolutely, this is a lyric. Do you both have big What are, what? My car's SUV. I always say SVU

which is so, it is a special victim's unit car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the victim. Well, it's just like a tight parking lot. Who barely ever takes a single person around. The car before this one had a third row of seats

that she insisted on getting never unfolded. This car is a bigger car than that car. A bigger car than a third row of seats? It's actually, it's kind of the same. Is it? But it's just like different proportionally. But it does feel bigger.

It is big. But I like a... She likes feeling safe, I think. Yeah, and feeling safe. And the option of having multiple people sit in your seats. At any point. I put five people in there last night. You sure did. You sure did.

And technically, I could do that, but nobody would be comfortable. I drive a Jeep Wrangler, a two-door Jeep Wrangler. I only drive two-door cars because nobody ever asks me to drive anywhere. It's actually so smart. And I fit everywhere. I once fit in a parking sabat so small that a man came out of his apartment to shake his finger at me. And I rolled down my window and I said,

I'll do it. And then I did it. Wait, you park anywhere? Is that what you said? I can park anywhere. The smallest little spaces. Do you park in the red ever? Yeah, all the time. Sometimes I park on the curb. We're the same. I think

parking is I think the red is a suggestion I also think it's a suggestion I think the meters are a suggestion too I once had my car on Hollywood Boulevard for five hours never paid a cent no ticket oh see okay

you're doing something weird to the universe in a really special way I go yeah meters are a suggestion and then I'm getting like hundreds of tickets like a police officer will come over a traffic cop will come over and give me a ticket for parking in the red and then realize

that my registration's out of date. And then, like, I will just get, like, four tickets in one go. That's who I am as a person. But guess what I do? I take them all. I put them in a drawer and I say that'll work itself out. Mm-hmm. I once got pulled over in my little Honda Civic that had plates from temporary place from New Jersey.

And the registration was expired. Um, and I think the plates had been maybe four years old at that point. And the police officer, he's like, do you know why I pulled you over? And I was like, I don't know what came over me. And then the lady was like, you've got a real attitude. And I was like, you've got a real attitude. And then she was like, gear it up to do something. And then she got a call.

And she's like, it's your lucky day. I have something more important than this. And I said, oh, so now I'm not important. And I was like, what? I'm, oh my God, you to a police officer. So now I'm not important. Go off. I literally go off.

I'm scared, but go off. I'm scared. Got pulled over again because I had dealer plates on for three years. And my registration was. You and I are going to get along. And then I found out when I got my license renewed last year My license was suspended So I didn't want to bring this up

Because I feel like I'm on a press tour for my car Like every podcast I do, I bring up my car What kind of car do you have? It's not even about the car itself Please tell me, I love cars I drive a BMW But you don't have to say like that I drove a BMW for years

It was a one series though So it's mine Oh my God! You think I can afford anything else? No, I just wanted the logo, love I just wanted the logo. I can't afford that shit. It's actually just the same price as Toyota.

Actually, probably less expensive. Less expensive because they have run flat tires, which are not great, and they're so expensive, and you have to replace them all the time. And the one series, fun fact, did not sell well because people were like, if I'm getting a BMW, I'm going to get at least the three series, which is bigger. But I think the one series is really cute. I love it. Keep going.

No, I feel like I'm on a press store for this because I just went on two other podcasts, and I just kept bringing up the fact that my car was impounded. it. My car was impounded because I got 38 parking tickets, which I shouldn't be proud of. I know it's a lot. You can be proud of that. That's great. It's a lot. I really thought I was paying them. I really did.

But then I looked up my license and then 38 was anyways, my car was impounded, and then I went to go get my car back and they said, can I see your license? And then I was like, where is my license? So then I went back to my house and I found

a license that I thought was my license. And then I went back, gave them my license. They were like, this is six months expired. So then I realized, fuck, I had ordered a new license. But I had ordered it on the DMV website and had sent to my parents' house, which is now demolished because they moved out and the city demolished it or whoever bought it, demolished it. So I realized that my license was probably at this demolished site. And then I realized, oh my God, this is probably why my identity has been stolen and why K Jewelers is calling me once a week being like, did you buy the diamond ruby ring? I'm like, no, every kiss does not begin with K.

So I was like, no, so then I would have to shut that down like weekly. Uh-huh. So I'm realizing that somebody probably stole my license from this site. Uh-huh. Do you know what I'm saying? And then stole my identity. Anyways, I just got the car back yesterday. Finally, and it was in the impound lot for 20 days.

How much was that? It was a lot of money, and I had to take a driver's test again. Because I couldn't, because once it's like six months, six months, once it's over 90 days or something, it's not just a written test. It's like you have to get into the car. My gosh. Luckily, my guy was absolutely amazing. He got in, he was like, the first time I ever did a driver's test, I went to this place called Winnetka, which is like outside of L.A., because I heard it. was less hard to get your license.

And I literally looked at the man. He got in my car. I failed this driver's test, by the way. I looked at the man and I said, what tunes are we listening to? What are we bumping? And that's when ultimately he said you fail. And so that was a tough experience for me.

And then this time, the guy looked at me and goes, should we play the radio? Oh, that's nice. I was like, I'm going to get it. Yeah, literally. I love that. And then I got my license. And then now I got the car back.

Good. I'm so happy for you. you but also doesn't this feel stressful like this this um life i wonder if you feel the same way i do that's a beautiful question how how do you i'll let you answer i don't i don't i don't i don't feel stressed by i'm like oh the fuck that's how i feel i just go it's above me like like i was flying to i I was flying to do shows, missed my flight, cried one single tear and went, it's above me, texted my assistant and was like, hey, I missed my flight. I'm not going to try. You got to try. Everyone else has to band together to figure out how to get me there if I make it. Either that or we

cancel the show, because if I'm not there, there is no show. And then when my car got towed from, I was in Korea town and went to the mall down there, parked in a spot that was like, if your car is here after 5 p.m. We're going to take it. And I said, not my car. When I got back, they had taken it. And I was like, oh, my goodness, I can't believe I took it. And then I was like, well, it's above me.

Then I was like, well, I probably have enough time to get it back today. Well, this will be an adventure for tonight. And then it was a fun adventure. There was a fun cat sitting on my car when I went to go get it. And you were like, yeah, I got it like three minutes before it closed. I was like, I made it. I'm the exact same way. And then you're in the car and you're like,

and then suddenly all the tires pop. And you're like, yay! I'm totally with you. It's just not for me. The issues that I have, I'm kind of like... Same. It's not for me. It's not for me.

It's above me. My mom raised me really wrong. She really did something weird. She usually figures everything out for me, which is why she's like, I am... It's sad how obsessed I am with my mother. She would have come with me if I didn't say stay at home. She was at my house. If I didn't say stay at home.

I'm obsessed with her, and she is, like, my little assistant who shouldn't be because she's 60 years old and she should live her own life. And this is my PSA for her to go live her own life. No, I don't want her to. But I love when she's around. So she figures it out for me, or she doesn't, and we just have fun not figuring it out, which is the best. You know what I mean? That's so wonderful. Like when the impound lot happened, she was like, oh, let's get my foot massages.

I was like, yay. Honestly, you went and got foot massages. Your mom sounds like my mom. I got suspended from school because I threatened a girl. I told her I'd kill her and sit on her. Which I think is funny, but like they took it seriously. Wait, we're going to kill her and then sit on her? I said, I don't know.

I just said, I'll kill you. I'll sit on you and kill you. Oh, okay. So I think it was like, a statement, like, I'll kill you. And then I was like, I should tell her how. I'll sit on you and kill you. And got suspended. My mother was like, what did you do?

Sorry, we're going to sit on her and that's how she was going to die? Or we're going to sit on her and, like, kill her with a knife? Oh, see, I didn't think that far ahead. Yeah, were you, like, restraining her and then you were going to kill her somehow? I don't know. I think I just, I was fat. I've always been fat, so I think I was like,

well, I think I was going to use my fat to kill her. Like suffocate her. Use her strengths. Yes. But my mother was like, why did you get suspended? And I said, I told a girl I would kill her. I'd sit on her and kill her. My mother threw her head back, laughed.

And then we went to Dairy Queen. Where then she allowed me to get a peanut buster barfay, which is not something you feed a child. It's a pint of ice cream. Wait, I'm dead. Not only should she not have fed you that, also she shouldn't have laughed. She goes, and I approve of this. Yeah.

She's like, that's hilarious. All the time, we would like, we just had fun together in a way that it's probably not right. No, I feel that way about my mom. And now I am so lucky I have a mom that I want to have fun with. It is so nice. I think growing up, and I say this with absolute love, it was a little, Yes, for me. Because I felt also like, I was like, wait, you should, let's be mad at me for this.

This is a little crazy of me. Like, yes. And then I was self-regulating instead of like, which was great. Yeah. In that way, I became an adult faster. But you know what I'm saying? My mom was like obsessed with us. She was always, she was like, she worked in the school.

She was always there. When I got in trouble in class, I'd be like, go find your mom. So then that would be my activity. I'd have to like go figure out where she was. And then she'd be like, why are you here? And I'd be like, I'd be like, okay, let's walk you back. And growing up, I was like, why are you always here? But now she's dead, and now I'm like, why aren't you here?

Don't-a. It's fine. Look at her smiling. That's sad. It is. I'm sorry. But it is. It is.

I'm so sorry. I do love just throwing that in there to get people going. No, totally. That's horrible. I'm so sorry. Can I ask? Is your mom your best friend? Yeah.

I like that Does daddy ever feel left out? Oh my God We have a group chat With all my aunts and uncles Everyone in the family And my dad suddenly was like Why am I not?

But also he removes himself Like he He My joke about him But it's not really a joke It's just the truth is He everyone's like Is your dad in the picture

And I'm like Yeah he's just in the other room He's taking a nap He just doesn't want to hear us talk. It's like that kind of vibe where it's like you might never see him. Yeah. But when you do, he's there. And he's love he loves

what we're throwing down. You know what we're throwing down. Yeah. He likes it, I think. Or he's really sick of us. Or both. Probably just like that. You crazy kids. Like, you rascals. Have you fun.

Also, we're so like we are fun. I feel like when you're around like crazy people who are always getting up to crazy antics. It's like really frustrating to be the husband of that or the father of that but also like you're laughing at least

at the end of the night. You chose this. Totally. You chose this. That's kind of like my dad. He's dead too. But I'm so sorry. But yeah, I would like do things

and my mom would do things and he'd just be like, okay. Totally. All right. He was a very quiet man. I remember someone called him Travis once and that was not his name and he answered. And I was like,

Like, wait, who's Travis? And he went, shh. Because he didn't talk enough to want to explain that that wasn't his name. What was his name? Trevor. So it was close. It was in the same house. You going, why are you answering to Travis?

Just blatantly calling him out. That's wrong. That's wrong. That's not your name. That's so funny. No, it was insufferable. I came and wreaked havoc amongst my family. I get it, my love.

I'm there with you. Who are your best friends? Each other? Yeah. Yesterday. we did a podcast and it ended with how would you like to be found she met on social media but i instantly was like in my bed surrounded by loved ones i thought she was talking about death and then i then went on to be like i am dying wait wait wait how would you like to be found

and you're like probably in my bed or right that's where my brain went too i was like oh i guess like me on a boat right right right that's hilarious yeah but then i start I started thinking, I was like, well, we'll have to die at the same time because I don't want to live without you. And then started to cry. My God. You guys, this is actually a gorgeous podcast. This is gorgeous. Wait, so how did you guys meet?

They're comedy. They're UCB in New York. In 2009. Yeah. I think it's 2008, but she claimed she didn't live in New York in 2008. I didn't live in New York in 2008. But, you know, people's memories, they get fucked up as they get old. And you're older than me.

But I've always known that I moved to me. Never forget. Five months. Five months. But yeah, we met and I like have such a distinct, we've talked about this before, but I have such a memory of it. We were performing together in like an improv group that our teacher had like curated. And she was wearing gold pants, goldenrod pants and like a deep turquoise teal top.

And she had a big fro and she was so funny. And I was like, but she's pretty. this isn't fair. It's really crazy. This is not fair. And then I was like, oh, I need to be her friend. And I don't know why. But like, in my mind, I was like, this is my assignment for now. I'm going to make this woman my friend.

And it happened. She got me. That's actually crazy. I love that. It's cool when you know someone's going to be your friend. Like you know it like in your gut. You know what I mean? That's always a cool feeling.

Did you ever waver on our friendship in the beginning? I once threw a piece of bacon out of wall we were getting dinner and she got so she asked for a salad and this place had like crazy deconstructed salads for some reason and they brought maybe crumpled up bacon or like pieces of bacon and you're like that's not what I want

I wanted a slab of bacon or like a thick strip of bacon they come back with like a thick cut of bacon and she was like that's not what I wanted and she threw the bacon and it hit the wall and slid down and we were both silent for a minute. And then, like, after a few more bites, she was like,

probably overreacted. I was like, yes. Yes, you did. I'm so glad you knew that. But in that moment, you're like, I never wavered on our friendship. No. I was like, whoa, what's that? But I was like, okay, she's self-aware.

At least there's that. But I will say, I have ADHD. This was before I was medicated. I was very impulsive, like, like more. impulsive than I am now so I would just do things and then later be like almost immediately be like no that wasn't the move well I'm really sorry god bless did you say did you say anything to the restaurant after or were you just like I'm just gonna leave that bacon over there I think I picked it up and put it back on the plate

and was like this is still not the bacon I wanted that is just insane I love I love this friendship it makes me so happy you sitting there just completely wide-eyed and you like yeah that was crazy yeah it was most of the beginning of my friendship where I was just just like, wow, these are wild moves. I would never do that, but I support you. I have bad ADD, too. We're similar. Are you on, are you medicated?

I was, I was deeply medicated. I was on tons of Adderall when I was a kid. And then now I got off it because I felt like it was actually like, I don't want to scare you, but I felt like I was rotting my brain in a way. Sure. But are you on Adderall? I'm on Vivance. Sometimes I'll do.

Weed. Damn, she's bad. I said, damn, she's bad. She's bad, yeah. Edibles or smoking? Sometimes I'll do an edible and then fully forget I've taken the edible and be like, I feel wild. And then be walking around my house and be like, why do I feel like this?

And I'll be like, oh, I took an edible. And then laugh and laugh. And then absolutely laugh. That's hilarious. The only time I took an edible, I ended up in Coachella. medical tent literally strapped to a bed because I was accusing the nurses of roofying me. Meanwhile, I took the edible myself. I was like, you guys did something to my system.

They're like, no, love, you ended up here because of what you did to your system. So funny. I went to the medical tent at Afro Punk because I took an edible and they passed out. You passed out? I passed out. It's too hot, didn't eat enough food, took an edible, drank some wine. I was talking to Michelle, but you too. like she was like in front of me talking and I was like like the words were getting slower

I was like no I like the light was like dimming and I was like I need to sit down and she's like huh and then lights out oh wait yeah once we what did Michelle do thankfully she got people she was like help help us and then like this woman came and she's like my dad's a doctor not a job not a profession her dad's a doctor and she knows some stuff so she's like helped me out and like like got me some water and then they walked me to a medical tin like gave me some snacks and stuff we were once at a restaurant in new york and we had eaten a bunch of edibles that somebody had brought and at one point we were like laughing having a nice time and i looked in the corner and so she was like and i said to her partner at the time i was like

oh i think you got to take her home and then he like looked and went yeah it's time Yeah, I had to stop doing weed because it doesn't agree with my body. I'll just go comatose. Yeah. I know. But I used to do it and go do things. We were trying to get on a plane to go to Canada, and I had eaten three cookies, three weed cookies from the third one in our group, Keisha. And I was, like, having a nice.

I packed one item at a time for six hours. And then I didn't go to sleep and I was like, uh-oh, got to go to the airport. And somehow we got to the airport at the same. One item, an hour is so funny. You folding the shirt being like, Sam, that's a gorgeous fold. I work at American Eagle. Like, that's your vibe? That was my vibe.

That is hilarious. All night. We got to the airport, and it felt like you were high, too, but you weren't. I was just sleepy. You were just sleepy. Yeah. And we had the worst conversations. One of them was, muffins are good.

Yeah. And you went, yeah, muffins are good. And we just, like, giggled. There was like a man in the elevator. who's just staring at us. And then we passed at Chili's to go. It's just the signs of Chili's to go. And we stopped and stopped dead in our tracks to stare at it.

And you were like, Chili's? And I was like, to go? And the man working went, wow. Because I think he was like, they're both out of their minds. Then they held the flight for us. And we were so mad. We were just like giggling, getting on the plane. And I was like, I was laughing so hard.

I was like, I can't believe they held it for it. And then sat down and promptly passed out. Did you get your chilies to go? No, we just were amazed that it even existed. And every time I see a Chili's to Go, I send her a video or a picture. Wait, I didn't, yeah, I'm actually kind of gobs back about Chili's to Go. Yeah. It feels like a sit-down situation.

Totally. You could take this to go? Maybe it's like fajitas that are pre-fahed. Probably. I just went to Chili's in Encino and had some of the best fajitas I've ever had in my whole life. There was a 30-minute wait. This Chili's was slam-packed with people. And truly, one of the best fajita plates ever.

Oh, my gosh. You know what my favorite place on Earth is? What? Outback Sticos. I tried to go to Outback when we were in Mexico, and everyone yelled at me. It's amazing. I did a movie up in North Carolina, Wilmington. and the only place I went to

every single night was Outback Steakhouse and it was on, I'm obsessed. Did you get a blooming onion every time? Of course. I love a blooming onion. Who came up with it? Put this big onion, cut it up wild, and then coat it up.

It's delicious. It's so good. It's absolutely delish. I'm dying for it. I do think we have to wrap up. We do, but I truly could talk to you for simply hours. So fun.

This was so much fun. Well, hang later. Thank you guys for having me on. I really love it. This is amazing. This is very fun. This was so great. Thanks for having me.

Is there anything you want to promote? Your car got out of the pound. Yeah, so not my car for this round. I want to promote BMW. I want to promote my show on Hulu, FX on Hulu. It's called Adults. And then I have a podcast, too. It's called In Your Dreams.

Yes. And you guys should come on. Yes. You guys are coming on. Okay. That's it. Cool. All right.

Well, thank you for me. Thank you here. There's so much for having. I loved it. Thanks for having me. All right. Well, that's it. Oh, man.

We're done. Bye. Best Friends is a production of HeadGum Studios. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our executive producer is Anya Khan of Skaia. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by the great KC. Donahue. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan.

And this is The Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew?

Who knew? Yeah, the mob's involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.