Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Says “Free Those Titties!”

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

H-E-L-L-O to you! This week, Nicole proves that she can make anything sound sexy. Sasheer suggests Nicole get a life alert after sharing the time she broke her ankle in her house. Nicole is thinking about selling her motorcycle. Sasheer sometimes doesn’t know when Nicole is back in town. Nicole vows to never keep Sasheer waiting to respond to her text. Nicole shares how she mistakenly flashed people for a good portion of a day. Sasheer encourages Nicole to free her titties and the nipples. Also, Nicole loves trash day! Sasheer and Nicole answer listener questions about making friends in a conservative town, navigating a best friend’s partner you don’t like and how to tell a friend that you’re not a fan of their free roaming bunnies.   This was recorded July 20th, 2023. Sources:https://www.lifealert.com/https://www.dairyqueen.com/en-us/menu/chicken-strip-basket/ Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/nicolebeck/toddler-food-quiz Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

You can dirty talk anything. I was driving down the street and the road was so smooth. Anything. Give me another one. Pineapples. Give me another one. Pineapples. Oh, I was in Whole Foods and I went to the produce section and I saw a pineapple. So I paid for it with cash. Took it home and cut it up. It was juicy.

Stationery. Oh, I love paper. It's so smooth. And the envelopes, you just lick them closed. Yay. I think we should leave this in the episode. Should we start yeah h-e-l-l-o hello oh that was good nice slide thank you she's learning i love it um hello h-e-l-l-T-U as well. Thank you so much.

I will say with singing, the thing that's been really, really hard is when other music comes in, when it's not just the note you're singing. Do you know what I mean? Like when it's arranged. Yeah. Yeah. And you're hearing other notes because you're like, should I go to that one? Yeah. It's tough. Sing notes because you're like, should I go to that one? Yeah, it's tough. Singers, they're pretty talented.

Who knew? That's my takeaway from all that. Singers, talented. Talented. What's new with you? Nothing much. Truly nothing much. You know, no work is happening. Oh, really? I'm working a ton. For real? No, I'm not working on anything. There's a strike. There's a strike. S-T-R-I-K-E.

Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike. Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike. It's been hot here in L.A. It was like 93 degrees when I got in my car. Oh, boy. That's bad. It was very bad. And people are like, okay, the small talk right now is, boy, it's hot outside.

And I don't like that kind of small talk because, duh. Duh, it's fucking hot. What are we doing? It really gets me going. I saw a man ride a motorcycle and, like, and parked it right in front of the store I was in. And he came in, he was, like, really hot out there, like, wiping sweat all over his body. And I was, like, why did you choose to ride your motorcycle? Yeah. You're wearing a helmet and it's, it's hot. You're just, like, in direct heat?

Yeah. Get inside of a vehicle, sir. What a loser. Hmm. Yeah, I don't like, I wouldn't want to be someone who thinks, like who wants to look so cool all the time, but they're like, I'm risking a heat stroke. I have to be on this motorcycle.

I mean, if you want to be even cooler, go down to Arizona where there's no helmet laws. And then you don't have to wear a hot stinky helmet. You can just raw dog it. Isn't that scary? That's scary. Arizona lacks laws. That's why all U-Hauls have Arizona license plates because the like

insurance and driving policies or whatever down there like more lax I might be making that up but I don't think I am sounds right to me mhm mhm I don't know why I know that. I'm filled with such dumb knowledge that has not helped me in my day to day. Have you taken your motorcycle out anywhere?

Um, not since I fell in 2020. So it's been a solid three years since i've ridden it um i would have to get either a new battery or have someone start it for me but i'm thinking about just selling it i don't know if i'm gonna ever ride it again here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna take another motorcycle riding class and if i feel inspired to ride again i'm gonna keep it and if i'm like you know that's a wrap on uh two wheels then i'll sell it that's smart when you did initially buy it where did you think you were going to drive it like on the freeway like to work and stuff yeah everywhere i thought i was gonna drive it everywhere um and then life got so i dislocated my ankle and then life just got away from me to take another class.

I was just really busy. Um, because the classes are on the weekend. So it's like if I'm working five days a week, I'm not waking up at 8am to go to a motorcycle class. And then when I'm working, technically I can't really do that because I can't get injured. Yes, this is true. Yeah. And that's the real struggle for me.

Do I ride a motorcycle and maybe get injured and get, I don't know, have my insurance go up and people don't want to insure me because I ride a hog? Yeah. Although people get injured doing anything. I know a guy who dislocated his shoulder from running because he fell from running. I mean, I

dislocated my ankle walking down my stairs. Yeah. Shake my dang head, it'll be your own house sometimes. Lord. Lord. Lord. Lord. Lord.

Lord. Oh, Lord. I've been so nice to my house, I couldn't believe it tossed me down the stairs. Yeah, that's really rude, honestly. It is rude. And I'll never forget John Millhiser heard the biggest thud of his life, saw me on the floor and said, did you fall? of his life saw me on the floor and said did you fall no i just slowly lowered myself to the ground like this i just like it down here more pain and angrier than that moment i was like what do you mean oh no but honestly thank god he was there because i don't know where my phone was if i fall in my house now i'm alone find me later you need a life alert oh my god do i

they need like cool looking life alerts yeah like a bedazzled one yeah Yeah. But is it a necklace? I do believe it's a necklace. Yeah. But I guess your watch, your Apple Watch can be like a life alert. That thing's never charged. If you wear it. It's never charged.

It's in a little dish. I actually don't know how life alert works. Like, what is it connected to? Oh my God. The 911. it goes directly to i think so oh hell by following necklace yeah it's just like white and red so you push a button for help speak to an operator and then number three help is on the way. Honestly, seems rather easy. It's super easy.

Maybe I should have one just at the bottom of the stairs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then I feel like. I was going to say, what if accidents happen in other places? What about in the kitchen? Ooh, there are cuter ones.

There's like a sleek green one. These are not for me. Oh, and they're not Life Alert brand. They're a different brand. oh and they're not life alert brand they're a different brand oh they're not uh life alert uh branded they're different i don't want a generic life alert okay i don't want like second tier third tier help coming to me what's this unicorn thing oh this is like i think it's just or no it's no it's a medical alert sparkle medical alert wait can you click on that i think you just like engrave it with like i'm allergic to shellfish oh i see it doesn't actually i have type 2 diabetes it's just a necklace to let people know what's up what's going on what's with you? No one's coming to help.

Once they find your body, they could turn it over and be like, oh, this is what went wrong. I kind of don't want a life alert because if I fall and I can't get up, the first person who finds me is my best friend. You know? Yeah. And if I go months without someone finding me,

then I guess I know who my friends are no one no one oh no you know yeah yeah i guess so i will say i don't always know when you're in town so like if you were busy and i didn't hear from you and then i don't, if I knocked on the door, I'd be like, I don't know if she's home or not. She could be in Denver. She could be in Florida. I don't know.

Yeah, but if I'm not answering my phone, I'm probably dying somewhere. Maybe. I don't know. If I don't answer my phone for a couple of days, I've never not answered my phone for a couple of days. I've never not answered my phone for a couple of days. I sent a text the other day and I didn't get a text back for two days.

It was one day. It was one day, but it felt like two. It was one singular day. It was an afternoon text message. And then not even a full 24 hours later, you asked, are you OK? I was like, I think so. And you're like my i just wasn't sure you didn't respond to this text and i was like well i'm so sorry well next time i'll just be on it it was not even 24 hours but it was really close to 24 hours

and i was like what well because you're responding to everything else you're responding to memes you're responding to other emails we were on i was like why didn't you answer to my text what's happening because sometimes i open my text to be like answer this and then uh my refrigerator needs to be opened and then closed without me taking anything out of it and then sometimes I have to look what's in the dryer and I go a towel I forgot and then I'm like oh memes and then I've forgotten to answer the text message but I'm answering memes and stuff I'm answering you in other forms of communication so but then I was like does she not want to talk about the thing that I texted? You really leapt to a conclusion.

I didn't know. And you're right. I did. I did. But I also just needed answers. I understand. I am so sorry. I will never keep you waiting like that ever, ever again.

Thank you. understand I am so sorry I will never keep you waiting like that ever ever again thank you can I tell you I went to go get my nails done this morning and then had coffee with someone and no one told me that my tit was just out like because my so is buttoned down here but like my whole boob was out and my bra is see-through so I think people were just like looking at my nipples all day and nobody was like ma'am this is like the day that I flashed my neighbor I was outside walking Clyde and I wasn't wearing a bra I was wearing like a like a half shirt a little belly shirt and I raised my arm to wave and then he just went oh boy today's a good day and i went okay and then i got inside and i was reaching for something i was like he saw my titties oh that's why today's a good day oh no lord for these babies

being so small they're just they're just out they're misbehaving maybe everyone's just like wow she's free she's really free she's she loves her body maybe but if i saw someone's bra i'd be like oh you're missing a button i don't know if i would because i don't know if they mean it or not oh but a see-through bra some people will just be wearing their bras out a see-through bra some people do if i if you had like a padded thick like grandma bra i'd be like oh you don't she couldn't possibly want to be showing that see-through bra seems like you want people to see that no i. That bra is cute. It is a cute bra.

And I like it because it's lightweight. Is it durable? No. I have to buy a new one every couple of months. It's the least durable bra. Why don't you do like nipple covers? What? Yeah.

Just nipple covers? No, no, no. Jordan. No, I meant Jordan. mentioned they're small but they need support there's a there's you could do a nipple cover and then wear the bra that way your nipple is not showing but you can show off the bra is it sticky i'm sticking something to me, an adhesive. Yeah. An unnecessary adhesive in 90 degree weather. Jordan. I have worn them because this might be too TMI.

My nipples want to be out and proud. I do not know what they're all about. But I wear them and it helps even with like some like very thin bralette. And they're sticky, but they have never irritated me or given me a reaction. Or like if I'm sweating, they haven't been an issue but that could be a possibility i could buy nipple ones yeah just nipple like just the areola and the nipple area well there's one that is like an actual nipple that's really funny looking nipple oh it's a prosthetic nipple? Looking nipple. Oh, it's a prosthetic nipple. In case you need that, I guess. Oh.

In case you've had reconstructive surgery. But what if I just want rock hard nips? I guess I could wear them. You're like, I'm tired of my nipples being so soft. I just want to put this hard nipple on top. Hard nippies. Oh, maybe that is an option. They do come in all different skin tones.

Yeah. Hmm. Forever21 has heart-shaped ones. Ooh, how youthful. Yeah, these are cute. But I guess maybe I... Well, I was going to say, I guess your point was that you don't want to be showing your bra. But if you do, I guess it'd be nice to.

I can have some little nipple covers. Yeah. But then it will look like you don't have a nipple. And that's maybe more concerning. I that might be concerning to be like, what's going on? But also, it's OK if you don't have nipples. This is true. I don't know.

I think maybe I'll just button my clothes better although i did think i was like fully buttoned tess and i went and saw uh my friend tess i don't know you guys don't know my friend tess and i went and saw uh the tina turner musical and we were getting in the uber and when we sat down on the uber test was like your whole chest is out somehow my whole buttons just came undone and this is not a tight shirt it was like a pretty loose button up i don't know i think they just want to be free free those titties free the nipple free them up free them up i don't know i don't want to take them out unless someone wants to suck on them

I don't know. I don't wanna take them out unless someone wants to suck on them. Nobody seems to want to. Even when you say it like that? Yeah, no, nobody. The apps are bad, in person's bad. It's all bad, it's all bad. Not good.

Not good. should we do a little quizzy poo let's do it let's do a quiz my cramps are cramping i fucking hate having a period you know what it's rude of god to give or the universe or whoever to give women a period? Why? We're the nice ones. Why they do that? That's a good point. Yeah. Right?

We're nice. Yeah. We're not starting wars. I've never started a war in my entire life. I would like to eat like a toddler for a day and we'll give you an activity to embrace your inner child. Great. Let's do it. I kind of eat like a toddler regardless.

I kind of do, too. It's easy. I don't want fancy fucking shit, especially when I'm like cooking at home. Although I have saved so many recipes to like try one day. I'm going to, okay, you didn't ask for it, but I'm going to share with you this recipe that I saved this morning that I'm really excited about, but I don't know if I'll ever make it. Okay. Wait for it. Is everyone waiting? With bated breath. Stand by everybody. So it's a rice cake with peanut butter peanuts and um pretzels and then you drizzle chocolate on it whoa and i was like this looks fucking good

um maybe i'll try it today yeah that sounds good and it looks easy to make I think I have to put it in the freezer for the chocolate to harden I don't know I need to click the link in the bio which is a really hard step for me to take when I see these recipes okay

eat like a toddler for a day and we'll give you an activity to embrace your inner child first question is all right not yeah i guess it's a question have breakfast french toast sticks eggo waffles pop tarts pop tarts are not breakfast they are definitely a dessert lucky charms that was breakfast for me when i was younger i know and they were once breakfast for me until once i watched my dad put a pop tart in the toaster oven and then put a scoop of ice cream on it and i said you're right daddy this is dessert and that is the optimal way to eat a pop tart whoaart. Whoa. It's a mini pie.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. I'm craving those French toast sticks. I'm craving Eggo waffles. When I saw that, it really brought me back to being a kid. I used to love Eggo waffles. Why don't I eat them anymore? Yeah.

Huh. why don't I eat them anymore yeah I feel like I have had very few well cooked Eggo waffles I feel like they're either too soggy or too hard interesting

even in the toaster oven even in a toaster uh huh I mean I guess I've never made them myself. Someone's prepared them for me. I would make them myself and stand over them and be like, they're done. I see. You gotta do that.

Have a snack. Oreos. Baby carrots. Ew. Little bites. Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk is not a snack. It's not a snack. Nobody's.

What? Yeah. I would still need some food. That's not a snack. Yes. That's a beverage, not a snack. Mm hmm. My Oreos for me, please.

I do love Oreos. did you know they're vegan? I guess I did because they have no animal product I guess so they're vegan yeah I don't think I did do they promote themselves that way?

I don't know who told me but someone once said oreos are vegan yeah oreo cookies do not contain any animal derived ingredients and are safe to eat for vegans wow but i'm like they're chocolate flavored right yeah chocolates that comes from oh i guess that comes from a tree a cacao yeah and then i have no idea what's filming cream i mean i think it's just chemicals yeah but to say i don't know if it's a good thing that there's no animal product in there. Ugh, they're so good. When I was little, I used to like get Oreos,

take them apart, and then peel off the cream and put them on another one. So it'd be like double, triple, like quadruple stacked. You're ahead of your time. Oh my god. Truly the fattest one in the room. I'm gonna do Little Bites. Are those the muffins?

Yes, bitch. Them little muffins you just pop in your mouth. Where you can eat several muffins at once. Have lunch. Oh. Grilled cheese. Hot dog. I think we all know what you're choosing.

Sliders. Chicken tenders. You know I gotta get me some chicken tendies, but they have to be a specific way. What's the way? Batter, not breaded. Oh. Mm-hmm.

Judith, do you mind looking up battered chicken fingers? Sounds like they were like in a domestic. Beaten up. Abuse. I like my chicken to have trauma. I once carried around a picture. So those second ones are real good. Ooh, yes.

Yes. Ooh, yeah. The second one, Feast and Farm. Those are the ones I like. Yes. The crunchy ones. OK, can you look up Dairy Queen chicken fingers? Because those are the optimal ones. And were you about to say that you carried a picture of chicken fingers to let people know what kinds you like? Yes. When I would go to restaurants, I would say, do they look like this or do they look like this and if they look like the one that i didn't want i would not order them yes look at them oh so crispy so juicy

so crunchy dip them in ranch and have a good time and also there's white bread so you can wrap them up and the bread gets all soft. I need to get to a Dairy Queen. I guess so. They do look good. Oh my God. I'm like really having a nice time looking at pictures.

Oh my God. Where's the nearest Dairy Queen? Okay, let's go back to the quiz before Nicole starts dueling on the mic. Are you sure? Yeah. I gotta know where the nearest Dairy Queen is though. I'm going to choose, this is really hard for me, but I'm going to choose hot dog. really hard for me. But I'm going to choose hot dog.

Yeah, that was pretty hard for you. And I think we all know what I chose. Have something to drink. A yoo-hoo. Capri Sun. Kool-Aid. Lemonade. I do love a Capri Sun. love kool-aid i remember once my dad

was like nicole you have to drink water and i was like what is the base of kool-aid dad what a little smart ass. Inseparable. God, I loved Kool-Aid. I'm not a Kool-Aid purist. I do not like the Kool-Aid where you have to add the sugar because the ratio is always, it is either too sweet or not sweet enough. I like when Kool-Aid said, we'll do you a salad. We'll mix it up for you, bitch.

That's my kool-aid maybe i'll buy some kool-aid too wow you're really taking it back i'm gonna go shopping today get some eggo waffles kool-aid and stop at dairy queen on my way home and then you're gonna eat it and be like oh god why did i? Yeah, I don't want any of this. Okay, have dinner. Dino nuggets. Spaghetti and meatballs. Cheese pizza. Mac and cheese. Oh, my God.

This is tough. Yeah. I love a dino nugget. And also, I mean, my mom never made meatballs, but she would do ground beef over the spaghetti and it was so yummy and cheese pizza oh oh wait is this like microwaved pizza or is it oven pizza is it dijorno what are we talking oh that's a really good question they didn't specify but dino nuggets lead me to believe that this is at-home supermarket shit. Okay.

Okay. So in that case, we don't want a microwave cheese pizza. No. And I don't know if I need Kraft macaroni and cheese because I feel like that's what it would be. Yeah. I'm going to say spaghetti and meatballs. Okay. I'm going to do dino nuggets. Yeah. I'm going to say spaghetti and meatballs. Okay. I'm going to do dino nuggets.

Yeah. Stay on the nuggets. Listen, I love chicken. Have a side with dinner. Curly fries. Apple slices. For dinner? Cuties orange?

Cuties orange? Cuties orange? Go-Gurr yogurt? Cuties orange? Why do they say it like that? It's just a cutie. It's an orange. It's a cutie's a brand and it's an orange. There's no cuties here.

It's cutie. Sounds like you are a purist. I just don't understand cuties orange I guess they were trying to specify that or like in case you didn't know what it was like it's an orange but also that's still clear what do you choose then

it's also this sounds like the like cuisine post soccer practice or something. Mm-hmm. I'm going to choose curly fries. I love curly fries. It's also the only appropriate side for dinner.

This is true. Yeah. You're really carbo-loaded, and you're having spaghetti and curly fries. Oh, no. I have a track meet. I got a carbo-load. Have some dessert. Mini cupcake.

S'mores. Cosmic brownie. You don't know what that is? No. What is that? It's a brownie with rainbow chips in it. It comes in a little hungry man dinner, like a hungry man kids dinner or yeah by

themselves oh and the because it's cosmic because the rainbow sprinkles look like stars you know i don't think anyone really thought that out when they made them i think they were just like wow these are out of this world. It's cosmic. They were high as hell. Uh-huh. Like, oh, man, this is a colorful shit, man. It also looks like people who were high made it. It's just like sprinkled haphazardly on these brownies.

And they look worse in person. And it's like a full layer of sprinkles. It's not even a good brownie. it doesn't look like it no it's pretty tough they are pretty tough and i've had plenty of them um and then the last one was ice cream there's cosmic brownie cereal i don't want any of that give me my crackling oat bran I'm picking ice cream I love ice creams this year I don't think you know this about me

I've heard you say it from time to time it's just so good I'm gonna choose a mini cupcake so dainty what is this yeah just a little bit oh we're finding things for our inner child oh wait can you screw up a little bit what or just the above the oh yes eat like a toddler for the day and we'll give you an activity to embrace your inner child okay so this is an activity i really forgot so sheer's activity finger painting come on you know what you want to dip your fingers in some paint and make a masterpiece

okay i couldn't see you doing that too messy yeah no thanks how do i get out of it i have to touch something to i touch the handle of the of the sink i just so yeah i'm covered in paint yeah so it's like double cleaning you gotta clean yourself and then clean the sink what this is nicole's. Finger painting. Listen, all roads probably lead to finger painting. This was brought to you by Big Finger Paint. The finger paint industry paid off BuzzFeed. D-Fun BuzzFeed. D-Fun BuzzFeed. okay now that we figured out we should fucking finger paint should we help some people yeah oh my god this year i love trash day so i had a rickety okay imagine that's where the story ended i love

trash day i love trash day anyway this rickety shoe shelf that i haven't liked i got a new one don't like that one uh but i painted it whatever i was like oh i gotta find someone to give this shoe shelf to no i don't i put it slightly in the trash it was gone in an hour i had a big dog bed that didn't fit anywhere in my house because i didn't read the the what's it called the diameters dimensions so i lightly put it in the trash. Gone in 30 seconds. I literally like put it in there, walked upstairs, looked out the window, and it was gone. Oh, your timing's really good.

I know. And then I went back outside and I had bought t-shirts and puff paint to make t-shirts with someone who laughed at me and said they didn't want to do that. So I threw that away because it had you know bad vibes gone in eight hours not as speedy but still really good yeah when i went out today to walk light i was like is it still in there and i was like no it's not because i put it right on the top and i opened it so you could see what it was oh other people are picking this up not the trash I thought it was the the garbage people you thought the city was coming to my house multiple times a day to take my little bits of trash uh-oh Nicole's got more trash. Get the trucks. We gotta get out there. I was like, wow, are they just waiting around the corner

for you to have trash? No. Truly, the city, if you put them out late, they won't take your trash. And honestly, I've had my cans put in an area where there was a car on either side. They didn't take it. They were like, we won't even figure it out.

No. These are people. People are taking stuff. Oh, so like neighbors and stuff. I see. Yes. Okay, good. I like that.

Mm-hmm. I'm feeding the community. Dog beds and t-shirts. Yes. And then I was like, well, I'm away next week. But I'm like, ooh, what can keep to to put out in the trash lightly for people to take what can i give the people one time i i was gonna put a couch out on the curb for this for um saint vincent de paul to come pick up and uh my neighbors helped me put it on the curb and they're like are you getting rid of

that and i was like yeah and they're like i think we're just gonna take it i was like you do whatever you want and then they just these like really young skinny women like move this whole couch into their apartment and then they got a free couch i mean that's nice because they saw you putting it out and they could have been like, why are you putting it out? Is there bugs? What's going on? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't even remember if they asked that or not. But it was perfectly clean and fine. It's just I had it for a long time and wanted a new one. Couches are tough. They're very expensive. They're so expensive. They start at like two grand. You can't get a couch under like two grand.

It's wild in these streets to sit to sit one of the easiest things you could do but i'll pay anything to sit well me too and my couch currently it's not great but i just love the pattern and i'm like can i get someone to like, make it a better couch? But then it's like, should you just buy a different, listen, tough choices, tough choices for me, you know? Okay, this is an email.

Making friends in a conservative area. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer, your podcast has brought me so much joy in the past two years of listening. Haven't we been doing this more than two years? Since 2019? 19, 20, 21. Interesting that they haven't been with us

since the beginning. I figured... I'm kidding. Anytime you find the podcast, we're happy to have you. I figured I'd reach out and try to get some of the candid and hilarious advice you're known to give. My partner and I moved to a new state last year, and making friends has been rough. His sister and friends from college live an hour away, and we see them a few times a month,

but we really don't have friends in our town. I'm not as close with his friends from college, so I feel even more socially deprived since we spent a lot of energy on weekends traveling to see them. Our town is mostly military folks, and I have been hesitant to reach out to make friends because most of the women my age, 27, have multiple children. I've tried Bumble BFF, but it's pretty much just me swiping left on all of these conservative moms. How do I make friends in a place where the people my age have totally different values and lifestyles than me? Also, I've been told I'm weird and a lot, so I've been nervous about putting myself around new people. It's hard putting yourself out there when you've been put on blast like that.

Any advice is welcome. Okay. How do we know these people are conservative do they put it in their bumble bio like they're probably like about me i love republicans i don't know i yeah maybe maybe don't make assumptions unless you're like, absolutely sure that someone is conservative. I will say, take a poll class. Poll is filled with very fun, interesting people, um, that you might strike up a friendship with. Um, yeah. Any hobbies you have, if you like soccer, join a join a soccer league uh if you like roller skating see if the local roller rink has like uh like certain nights or like a class you can take or

something like that i think taking a class is a good way to meet people yeah i'm trying to think because i'm also like what if they're in a place that doesn't have that stuff? Like how conservative and military is this area? Like, are they just like on a base or like what if they don't have pole classes nearby? You know? Hmm. That's interesting. I never thought about living in a place where there's no poles.

Jordan's a tattoo shops. Because what I'm thinking, if they're near a military base, there's always tattoo shops near there. And yes, even though the people, you might not want to be

hanging out with the military people who go get the tattoos, but those tattoo artists are probably really cool. That's a really good idea, Jordan. That is a good idea. I like that. Yeah, if you're vibing with your artists, you could be like, where do you hang out?

And honestly, as an adult, I just say it out loud to other adults. I go, I would like to be your friend. You know Lyric Lewis, right, Sashir? Yeah. I love Lyricis so much and we were just at this like brunch together and i was like may i please have your number because i like you a lot and i would like to be able to contact you and ask you to go to dinner with me and she was like absolutely and yeah people are they're nice and friendly and i i don't think there's anything wrong with um saying that if you someone being like, I'd like to go to dinner with you.

Yeah, I like that. Be bold. Yeah, be bold. Because it's not an anomaly. I think everyone can agree. I said that word good, I think. You really did. But I was trying to figure out what was the anomaly.

I think you really did but I was trying to figure out what you're what what what was the anomaly oh that it's not an anomaly because I feel like everyone would agree that making friends as an adult is is harder than making friends as a kid but if you think about it when you were a kid you'd be like I like that rock you're holding you want to be my friend we just got to point out people's rocks oh I like that we just got to point out people's rocks. Oh, I like that. We just got to point out people's rocks. Hell yeah. Yeah. Solved.

Solved. Okay, here's another one. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Thanks for having your podcast. Thanks for all of your work. I have a friend of about 15 years who is dating someone I'm not sure I want to ever meet. He has some scary political views, like oppressive of a lot of communities, and says things like racism is over and that Black kids in America have the same ability to be successful as white kids today.

the same, you know, ability to be successful as white kids today. She's fairly progressive, but it's pretty scary that she's dating someone like that. She's my friend of 15 years, like I said, so I hesitate to throw the relationship away over her being with this man. But she keeps talking about, like, their future and how she might want to marry and have children with him. And I don't know how I can be in their life with all of these fundamental value differences with this man. Have you ever been in the situation where someone you love is dating someone who's, like, potentially a mad person? Yeah, I've tried to talk to her about it. She's very open to the discussion, but she seems like she really wants to be with him long-term, and I kind of don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being complicit

in, like, encouraging her, which I'm not. I'm discouraging her. I feel like I'm being complicit in her relationship. We're also all white, and I feel like that's important because she's, like, upholding white

supremacist culture by being with a man who believes these things. Yeah. So I don't really know what to do. I love her so much and I'm so disappointed. I'm not going to tell you my name, but I use she, her pronouns. Thank you both so much for your time.

Love y'all. Ooh. time love y'all well I don't think you're being complicit in her relationship because you're not actually in her relationship these are her choices that she's making she's making a choice to be with a person like this and that person is that way because that's how they are. So it really doesn't involve you. You can say your opinion. And you said that you've talked to her about it, but I think the way I'd probably go about it is like maybe ask like, hey, what do you think? Or like, how do you feel when he says things like X, Y, Z

when he talks about racism not existing or whatever? Like, how do you feel? Because I'm also curious. I would love to know, like, what the friend would say. Like, is your friend like, oh, you know, he's just joking or I don't know if he really thinks that. Or is she like, I don't know, I don't care. That's also like pretty illuminating for your friend. I think it's disappointing either way. But your friend's not, it's not like she's being kidnapped. Like she's choosing to be with someone who thinks like this. So I think all you can do is maybe like ask questions to maybe help illuminate

some stuff that maybe your friend is overlooking and maybe, maybe she thinks you can't see it or other people can't see it. Um, but other than that, that's, that's it. It's not your relationship. Yeah,

I agree. It is not your relationship and there's only so many times that you can like buck up against it being like i don't like this but i do think asking questions is helpful like especially if you do meet this person and they do say something kind of like off that you don't necessarily agree with be like oh wow what are your thoughts on that friend like do you think racism doesn't exist anymore um which i think might be helpful in you understanding what your friend's core values might actually be because they might actually be more different than you think because obviously they have something in common um and yeah and then also you can put up boundaries and

stuff like once they get like like you don't have to see this person you can just be like oh i would just like friend time with you but also i will warn you sometimes people get into relationships with like people where you're like oh i don't necessarily agree with that person and they kind of get like caught up and lost in it so like you kind of just have to I think you have to just like be okay that you it's not your relationship yeah but still be supportive yeah I hope your friend sees what's going on but also yeah like Nicole said you might be surprised maybe they're perfectly fine with what's happening and that's also an option

people are more surprising than you think like people will surprise you and you're like oh I didn't know you thought like this and it's like ah yeah yeah I do or like I didn't think you did things like that and it's like yeah of course like I've had friends surprise me and I'm like why would you do that?

Cause I'm bad. How'd you do that? What? Mm hmm. Yeah. Solved. Solved. Okay.

This is an email. Hello, Queens. i have a query so i've known my best friend for four years now i'm 22 and she's 20 we met my freshman year of college before i discovered the wonders of prozac so i was very depressed and she was there for me we've had tidbits here and there. But this one, this one, I can't figure out how to say nicely. So a few months ago, she got two rabbits. Now her family does have a lot of animals and she had a guinea pig before this. But now it's her two buns. The problem is she lets them free roam on her bed. They piss and shit on it and she simply wipes off the poop and never sprays anything for the pee. Her mattress has gotten frumpy and dirty

since. She doesn't even put sheets on her bed anymore. Every time we hang out, she wants to spend the night together, but at her house. However, I am not comfortable sleeping in her bed in these conditions. Like the mattress is brown and one corner is sunken down. She also has what she says are drain flies, but I don't know how to tell her that those are just gnats that are attracted to her depression room. She has cleaned up the food trash, but the gnats come back, likely because of the rabbits.

So the nasty mattress and gnats everywhere make it really uncomfortable for me to sleep in her room. Her dad does have a little man cave above the garage that we're allowed to use, but she doesn't like sleeping out there because there's no bathroom. I don't like it either, but that area is mostly clean. Like it needs to be vacuumed because of the dog hair, but that's it. It's way more comfortable. How do I bring this up without hurting her feelings? I understand depression and she knows she needs to find a new psychiatrist, but it's been like that for four to six months. I'm just not comfortable over there, but she doesn't like leaving her bunnies overnight, so she won't spend the night at my dorm or my mom's house. I also don't want to bring the buns into my space because she'll

let them piss and shit everywhere and simply cover it up instead of getting cleaning supplies. Her mom spoils her and lets her do whatever. Her dad yells at her to clean sometimes, but at this point she needs a new mattress. And if I were her dad, I wouldn't want to buy one until she proves that she can keep the space clean. How do I bring up this sensitive topic? For reference, she's always lived at home, never moved into a dorm. I know dorm life would make her realize she has a problem, but she won't ever do it. Thanks for reading. This is a tough one because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

This is a tough one because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But I'm not sleeping on a dirty, like, pee-pee-poo-poo mattress. I'm like, that's just not happening in my world. So I think what I would say is, hey, I'm happy to hang out with you. Hanging out with you is kind of, let's's see everything i'm trying to say sounds bad because i was gonna say hanging out with you is awful you can't say that uh maybe it's like hey your bed are you comfortable sleeping in that bed are you happy sleeping in that bed because to me it feels like maybe your life has become a little bit unmanageable with these bunnies and may and i know you're looking for a psychiatrist but maybe the first step is not letting your bunnies pee and poop everywhere maybe we learn how to potty train them i don't know um maybe that's

like maybe you buy pee pads um i yeah this is tough for me because i really it would really make me so upset if someone asked me to sleep in a bed that was covered in animal excrement yeah i think you can be like, hey, I would love to hang out with you. I love spending time with you. But I personally don't want to sleep

on this mattress because it's your bunny's toilet. Like, it's hard to like say because obviously this person's depressed and they're going through it and maybe they think their bunnies are maybe the bunnies are like

helpful for like emotional support or something but also more more help needs to happen um so maybe you could also have a real talk of like hey i can see you're going through it like um I want to support you I don't know maybe like do you feel like this is the environment that you want to like sleep in or be in every day um because if you're already feeling bad I don't know if this is making you feel better and Mm hmm. And maybe bring up that it's not necessarily the healthiest for the bunnies to live in a place where their excrement's not cleaned up and there's gnats and stuff. Um, and I think if you can't get through to her that way, maybe you don't go to her home to hang out.

Maybe you're like, you need to come outside your bunnies can be alone for a little bit we're not doing a slumby but you're gonna come with me to a cafe you're gonna come with me to a movie we're gonna go get drinks somewhere we're gonna go do we're gonna go to the beach i don't know where you live but like maybe bringing her outside might be more helpful and i know sometimes people get depressed and they get animals because animals help with depression. But I don't think it's helping if she's not cleaning up after them. Yeah.

Yeah. She also needs to, like, take care of them. Yeah. Because they're living things as well. Mm-hmm. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Depression really is, like, a really hard thing to deal with. And it's, like, it's a chemical thing in your brain.

And it's not the person's fault that they're acting like this. So I do think there's, like, room to give her a little bit of grace as she's trying to improve things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But you also don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Boundaries have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Boundaries for yourself.

But yeah, I like what you said a lot. Y'all can hang out during the day and then you go sleep in your own bed and be like, okay. helpful or not but maybe if you do say oh i don't feel comfortable sleeping on that mattress or like i'd rather sleep in my bed but i would love to hang out with you during the day i don't know maybe she'll think about it more and be like oh wait is this not acceptable do why do why am i sleeping like this who knows but it's also like something she's gotta work out on her own yeah i do think you should ask are you happy in this situation yeah yeah yeah i have a question on top of that if you because i also have like my own everyone's depression is different and i have my own moments but like in a situation like that where it's truly just I'm worried about the friend I'm worried about the bunny is like would you guys ever approach it like really aggressive like like are you blind can you not see what's going on like would you ever approach it

like that or because knowing that like maybe the friend was going through a lot or like with the depression but like would you ever come at that angle or would you come at more of a cautious angle I think there are some moments where tough love can be helpful but I think I would be afraid of doing that because they might not know how bad it is and I don't want them to like spiral or um or get embarrassed and then and then i'm not let into this world at all and now i'm shut out and i don't even know how they're doing mentally or emotionally because i made i shamed them uh there is part of me that's like should we talk to the parents but then also i don't want to like break any trust with that, but I don't know. But if, you know, the parents are also aware of what's happening, but also maybe they're

not the kind of parents that understand mental health. There is also like asking the friend if, can I talk to your parents on behalf? Do you, if you feel too embarrassed to talk to your parents, I can do that for you. Again, if you feel comfortable doing that, that's another option. But I wouldn't do tough love specifically because I have ADHD. I also buy things.

I just, I have bad impulse control. I just buy things. And I had a friend come over the other day and she was looking at my, I had my like, I have like a shirt cabinet with too many shirts. And I know a friend come over the other day and she was looking at my I had my like, I have like a shirt cabinet with too many shirts and I know it's too many shirts. And she was like, wow, that's a lot of it was just like negative. And I was like, you don't have to tell me it's too much. I already know it's too much. I'm already overwhelmed by it and

I'm trying to get rid of it. And saying that wasn't helpful it wasn't helpful at all um so I think gentle is the way to go because if my friend had said huh you got a lot of shirts have you thought about giving some away I then could go yes I have and it's something I'm going through and I'm trying to go through them and I'm having trouble because every time I pick up one I remember where I got it from and the things I've attached to it um so like maybe I think asking questions and being kind is a good way to like get answers out of someone I'm not saying that like the answers will change something but you could just understand a little bit better where your friend is coming from yeah and yeah questions can like bring up new ideas for the friend too that they maybe have never thought of that's a good point i just wanted

to ask because i i know personally in the past like i would have like maybe done tough love versus like just asking and i would have never thought of asking so i was just curious so thanks guys i feel like tough love is overrated and like when people are like oh I tell it like it is it's like do you have to do you have to say everything else on your fucking mind I because I used to be like one of those people's like I'll tell you straight up how I feel about you and it's like not everybody needs to know how I feel about them yeah Yeah. I can hate from afar. I can hate in private. I don't know

if this falls under the umbrella of tough love, but I saw like a Twitter thread where this woman was talking about how she was depressed, her place was very messy, or I think maybe she moved into a new place and had never unpacked anything and because she hadn't unpacked anything and didn't like didn't feel settled she

never invited anyone over and her friends were like getting worried and so I don't know what what was going on before this point I don't know if her friends like talked to her before this or what but they all just showed up one day day and like ordered pizza and like sat her down and they just unpacked all her shit and they cleaned her apartment. They did everything for her, which was so sweet. And she, even in the Twitter thread, she was like, now I'm saying that this worked for me.

She's like, I understand there are some people who probably would hate this, would hate having other people touch their stuff and do things for them. But for me, that felt like a really beautiful act of service and love. So it's like I can see a world where sometimes that can work where you're like, we're doing this. Like we are cleaning up your stuff. It's happening.

You don't get a say in this. Like we are, we're cleaning up your stuff. It's happening. You don't get a say in this. But then again, you just don't know because it could also go the other direction where they now are closing themselves off because they don't trust you. Also, maybe be like, let's talk to your mom about getting a new mattress and then mattress protectors, you know? I mean, it is gross to be like, you could still let them piss and shit everywhere.

But like, that is, that's a solution to this problem currently. Just so it's, yeah. But then, oh, I think she said the mattress has no sheets on. I don't know. I think, I think maybe he talked to her about talking to her parents about like getting some psychiatric help because that's that's not OK. Yeah. But I also like what you're going with the mattress protector, too, because it could also just it could be baby steps, too. It doesn't have to be an overwhelming like, OK, you got some stuff.

We you need to like figure out how to wrangle these rabbits new mattress clean up this room get rid of the gnats like that could all feel so overwhelming to her so if it's just like let's put on the mattress the mattress is falling apart we want a new mattress maybe yeah get a new a new mattress or like one of those like carpets like cleaners like i've seen carpet cleaners really suck up some shit so maybe like one of those is like you could do that and then be like look at this cleanish mattress and then maybe she keeps that clean with the mattress protector then we can baby step her to a new mattress I think there's a lot of options for this friendship yeah and I think it's gonna end up okay i think so i think it's really nice that this friend

cares so much that they are considering these options and i just want to add real quickly to what y'all are saying if you come with care most of the time friends will be more receptive so if you hit her up with like i'm concerned because of this you know know what I mean? She's more, I feel like it allows people's shame to fall away a little bit more and hear that, oh, I'm coming out of care. The intention is like, I love you and I want what's best for you. And also for her to put her own boundaries up. If you have to respect your friend, if she says, well, you know, I don't see anything wrong or maybe it'll take her a while to get there. You're allowed to, okay, let's meet somewhere else. Let's meet, you know, I don't see anything wrong or maybe it'll take her a while to get there.

You're allowed to. OK, let's meet somewhere else. Let's meet. You know what I mean? You're allowed to come up with solutions so you can still have your friendship. But I think y'all are right about not going with a tough love type of thing, but with real love. Yeah. Yeah.

What Mary J. Blige has been talking about. Real love. I'm searching for that real love. I'm real love. I'm searching for that real love. And if you're searching for answers to your queries, we have an email address, nicoleestorShare at gmail.com. We also have a phone number for texting,

voice memos, voicemails, phone calls, but nobody will pick up. 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. Transcripts are what we have for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way

to support this show. Yes. All right. Signing off from the North American continent, I've been Nicole Meyer. And down here in sunny Central America, I'm Sashir Zameda. Adios, amigos. Hasta luego. No, I did Spanish because you're in Central America, so you have to say goodbye in English. Oh, I didn't know.

Okay. You can't just throw rules at me. You can't follow a simple pattern come on bye girl