Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Was Scared To Leave Nicole Stranded In The Middle Of The Ocean

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Sometimes we want vacations, and sometimes, vacations don’t want us! Nicole and Sasheer share their trip to the Bahamas and it was everything BUT relaxing! This trip had everything! Margaritaville to the rescue, dance clubs in hotel lobbies, Jet Ski adventures, Airbnb catfishing, and so much more. You truly have to be sitting down for this one. And, what this trip had the most of all was the audacity!  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

the sheer nicole it's the end of the month did you like january what what a good month we had oh yum yum yum, yum, yum. I liked it so much. Should we talk about our Bahamas trip? Oh, yeah. Let me open my notes app because anytime I have told this story to someone, I've like missed things. So I'm very happy to have my trusty notes app that we made. I almost forgot that we went to the Bahamas.

I think maybe your brain is going into protection mode to protect yourself from all that we went through. I mean, honestly, maybe. It was not good. It was quite wild.

It did feel like we were being tested every step of the way. It really did. And when I got home, I was not well rested. I didn't feel good. I know. I got home and I was like, I'm even more tired. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So we decided to go to the Bahamas, I think, in November. I think so. Something like that. Last fall. Yeah. Yeah.

And I had Lindsay, my wonderful assistant, send Airbnb rentals to us. And we picked one. The pictures were so good. It was right on the water. Yes. You could walk to the beach and be in the water there was a pool oh a little pool a private pool for us a private just for us friends so we get on the flight it's filled with screaming babies. One baby was screaming so hard and the mom dragging her was like, I took her goldfish away.

And we were like, give it back. Give her the goldfish back, please. Why? If you know the answer. Why did you take them? Fix it. Yeah, fix it. I know you don't want your children to run your life but like give them back for all of us and then a child was kicking mateo as we were getting off oh wait before we got off

delta i love delta i'm a diamond diva i want to be ed sky baby badly i follow him on instagram um but he served us food in a gift box oh yeah we had little boxes instead of like a full meal and then they were also like well mateo's had his thing like we weren't supposed to see it because it was like a plastic bag of grapes loose grapes it was loose grapes not even on the vine and he he so the choice was smoked salmon banana bread that's not a meal and a ham and cheese croissant and that's how our flight attendant said it and we're like oh a croissant okay exotic it was a ham and cheese croissant but it was in a bag that wasn't closed nothing was sealed in matthew's box i because nothing of mine was a plastic bag so i don't know there's really no

i had like banana bread it was like in a box wait that's so funny i thought everybody's came in weird bags i had no bags that's so funny. I thought everybody came in weird bags. I had no bags. That's so funny. Oh, my God. Then we land and we get to the airport and I get a message from the woman who's checking us in. And she says, are you at the airport? And I said, yes, we're at the airport. She said, so am I. I said, great. We're just going to pick up our luggage. And then we get outside.

I text her like four times. Nothing. I text her like four times, nothing. I call her like five times, nothing. And then I was like, Mateo, you have a number too, right? And he said, yes. So he calls and they're like, oh, you have to take a shuttle. And I said, a shuttle? Nobody told me about a shuttle. I just told you when we were landing and that you said that someone would be here.

And then the shuttle man was like, take a so i know who i'm picking up send me a picture of yourself where we're like or you could just tell us what your car looks like yeah give us a license plate number a make and model so we took a beautiful selfie of ourselves to send to this stranger who then arrived in a dirty dinged up gray van and yeah he had all my luggage like everything i've ever owned because i was going straight from the bahamas to atlanta for work so i had like two huge suitcases and then a backpack and everyone else had suitcases too and the the band just had every seat up and there was no trunk space and i was like do you want to put the back seat down so we can put the luggage in he goes no it's fine and then chucks my biggest bag over a seat your 100 pound suitcase or 80 pound, however big it was, just between the headrests

while he just threw it. And then I was like, oh, better keep my backpack. I don't want it. I had set my backpack down for it to be put in there, but I was like, I don't want him checking my laptop. So I just kept my backpack with me. We, he drives okay, but like not great. he's like you can open the windows if

you want and i was like couldn't possibly ever guess how to open one of these windows yeah i think you asked him and he just turned the little music up and then mateo was like these seats are all set the worst way. Like I was sitting in his lap and I couldn't figure out how to move it. Then we get to the Airbnb. It is covered in rust. The outside is just so rusty. Yes. And this man threw our suitcases.

We were catfished. We were. We were shown a beautiful place and then the worst place we've we've ever we've ever been yeah um but the hallway leading to the living room i was like you know what that's like nice this was a nice hallway nice inside yes and i think that's what they did they were like listen that side may be bad but this hallway this hallway is gonna lead to good things and then it didn't it really didn't there were stains everywhere there were like towels or like some sort of cloth covering some cushions on the couch. It wasn't uniform at all. When I finally looked under the towels,

it was more stains. The worst stains were covered with a towel. And then the lovely lady checking us in, I won't say her name, that's not kind, but she comes in, immediately kicks off her sandals and starts like towing the floor. She sat down and her toes are going up and down on the floor. And she tells us, she's like, OK, so you guys are here for Junkanoo, which is we later found out a festival, a cultural fucking festival that happens every year.

And it hadn't happened for two years since COVID had hit. And it was a big deal that it was happening again and she was like yeah families dance and you gotta look it up it's an all-day event but you gotta look it up uh junkie news fun but you gotta look it up and we're like okay and then she why can't you explain it yeah you live here you you've lived here i think your whole life he's like then she told us her favorite places to eat which buses we should take and i was like check us in and get the fuck out and she was like these are my new best friends yeah she like buckled in also i was like why isn't this information just in a pamphlet on the table?

She was verbally telling us everything as if we're going to remember. I was like, I'm not going to know the bus system that you're talking about right now. Write it down. Look it up for myself. And then she told us the Wi-Fi by mouth. Nothing was written down in the towels.

And then she was like, we don't have any shampoo here or conditioner or extra toilet paper or paper towels. There was nothing there. It was an empty house. Just stains. Nothing but stains. And they didn't have laundry detergent. No.

Yeah, no fucking laundry sauce to clean anything um and then then she goes huh i gotta give you a key but i don't know where the keys are and then she starts touching our stuff and i was like we all got here before you so that key's not under our things and then she's like yes but i need to find the key and And I was like, okay. And then this is after she made me like, give her my passport, my driver's license, my whole identity for her to steal. And then she's like, it's Airbnb's policy.

And I was like, what was it? Airbnb's policy to lose a key. And she didn't like that. She didn't like that at all. Yeah, you went into sassy mode. Oh, I was so mad at this woman yeah and when she finally left she was like maintenance happens on tuesdays and we're like wait that all seems important yeah that was important information you were wasting our time with other stuff and now

you're like rushing out like okay maintenance they're closed at this time bye and then we're like how do we get cabs and she was like go through me and we were like we never want to talk to you again is there any other way she did say that oh just let me know and i'll get you a cab no i don't want to let you know anything you told me you were at the airport you were not at the airport so you're not going to be there I don't trust you also she didn't know that we had like a chef for the week we had a chef for the week because we were like let's be opulent and she's like I don't know about this

and Mateo's like but I spoke to you and she was like no I don't have any of this on my side he's like I paid for it and she's like never heard of a chef in my life what is a chef it was truly wild. It was wild. But then she like figured it out.

And we did have a chef who came. Oh, wait, no. Before that, you guys go to get things that we need. Me, Mateo and Christy were like, we're going to go to the convenience store. We're going to walk, get some stuff. And then you were like i'm gonna take a shower you're gonna take a just a water shower shower because again there was no amenities nothing i just needed some alone time because i was like i cannot believe this is the house we're in oh also everyone had gone upstairs while she was there while i was dealing with her

and then when i finally went upstairs i was was like, the floor's not done. I was like, the staircase isn't finished and everyone seems OK with this. So I was like, I guess I just got to like be OK in this house. I'll take a soapless shower. Now, I think we were all like reeling from this. We were like, but like, who's going to say it first? Who's going to say this house sucks. And we don't want to be here first.

And so we walked to the store and Mateo was also like, is Nicole going to be mad if we say we don't like it? And I was like, I think she's on the same page. She looks displeased. I can't imagine she's attached to this house but we and also everything is super expensive in the bahamas because they import everything from america so like a bottle of shampoo was like 15 and yeah we just like bought what we could and got some snacks and

they bagged it up for us and then we walked back to the house. We were looking at the horizon. Actually, no, you were looking at the horizon because you got out of the shower and you looked like you were going to jump off of the ledge. Well, I kept looking at the ocean being like, this is nice. The ocean is nice.

Yes. This is great. And then you, Mateo and Christy come out and Mateo was like, first he was like, the ocean is nice. Yes. This is great. And then you, Matteo and Christy come out and Matteo is like, first he was like, the beach is a prison beach. And I was like, what do you mean?

And he's like, you can see it from here. And the beach, this thing they called the beach was just a gap between townhouses that if you went swimming, you would be pulled out and you would die. You would just, like, it was so wild the waves

were so choppy there were huge rocks underneath us like there's no way you could actually swim in that water i don't know why they were like the beach is close no you're we were gonna die yeah we'll pass right away and then i don't know who said it first but they were like this place is bad right and i was like yes yes it's awful it's awful we can't stay here and then our chef comes and she makes us a delicious meal that costs 855 dollars she had bought groceries for the week and we And we only stayed for a day. Also, we were supposed to get two meals that day. And we only got one.

Yeah. But it was very delicious. It was a delicious meal. That was the highlight of the day. Because we were very sad and angry. But then we're like, at least we have this wonderful meal. But also, when she was there, she discovered that the fridge was broke. So she was like.

Oh, yeah. It was like leaking. It was leaking and she was like oh yeah it was like leaking it was leaking and making this horrible noise it was like yeah and then she was like you know these apartment or these houses are all like this like the owners don't live here they don't care about these buildings and they're kind of all falling apart so So I'm not surprised. And we were like, oh, we are. She was like, yeah, I listen to people complain all the time. And I was like, oh my God, this won't do. So I hop on Airbnb and I was like, listen, this isn't good.

And to their credit, they were like, take some pictures. So I took pictures and beautiful Timothy goes, even I wouldn't stay there. And I was like thanks timothy so timothy refunded me all of my money thank goodness and then sent a yeah truly he sent a couple other options but they're all like two bedrooms teeny tiny and we were like timothy no too small so then christy and mateo are like hey we're gonna go home and we were like what they they gave up they said we shan't be staying in bahamas and i was like well but i want a big i want i flew here i haven't seen a beach i want to see more of bahamas so we decided to stay

you found i then we both contacted our publicist being like, do you think we could get like a discount at a hotel or something? And then they were like. But then Jimmy Buffett has a Margaritaville resort in Bahamas. And they had two rooms open. Literally only the only place in Bahamas that had rooms open. And there was only two. Yeah. And I said to Christy, I was like, there's two rooms open. Literally only the only place in Bahamas that have rooms open and there was only two. And I said to Christy

and Matteo, I was like, there's two rooms open. Do you want to get one of those rooms? And they're like, we're literally leaving tomorrow. We have booked our flight. So we're like, okay. Which, like, I think all options are correct. You and I were like, we came for a vacation. We're going to get a vacation.

And Matteo and Christy, I think we're like, look, we had a hard year. Not a hard year, but we had a year where we worked very hard. And we want to celebrate that. And we don't want to spend the rest of the trip in Bahamas figuring

out the trip in Bahamas. And so they're like, that's what they chose. They left. And you and I were like, we're going to figure this out. We're going to do this. So we get that room at Margaritaville. And then you were like, let's go get a drink at SLS, which is a hotel, a big hotel. It's wild.

The hotels in Bahamas are like Vegas casinos. Yeah, they're huge. They're enormous and literally have casinos. Yeah, they're huge. They're enormous and literally have casinos in them. They're crazy. So I call a taxi company and I was like, hi, can you pick us up from da-da-da-da? And this man goes,

how many of you are there? And I said, four. And he went, no! You're the same people from yesterday! And I laughed and I was like, no! No, I'm not! And he's like, you're all the're not saying people from yesterday i laughed i was like no no no i'm not and he's like you're on the same motherfuckers from yesterday you motherfuckers were so fucking rude to me don't you fucking dare call and i was like wait a minute i was like what and so she was doing something she walked past she was like wait what i was like brushing my teeth and i was like

what and she was like let me talk to him i was like what are you gonna do fight him through the phone and then he hung up on me and i was like oh my god and then i called another cab company they didn't pick up the next one i call she was like where are you i told her and she's like ah i ain't got no drivers but i'm gonna get me a bite to eat then I come get to be 30 minutes and I was like 30 minutes no we'll try something else I called four more companies nobody would come get us yeah we were like okay I guess we stay in this awful Airbnb all night this is like it felt like Bahamas didn't want us there it felt this was like one of many times throughout the trip

where it felt like the Bahamas was like, we just don't want you here. Get the heck here. Yeah, just fucking leave, you idiot. We will not help you. But then Christy's

fiance's best friend's cousin who lives in who lives in who lives in somehow had a hookup at Comfort Suites on Paradise Island which is like 20 minutes away from where the Airbnb was so he comes for us in this

Volvo. A Volvo's not big. So she has two 80 pound suitcases. i have like a 62 pound suitcase because i packed my whole life to come here for no reason um mateo has a giant everyone has big suitcases so he puts me can in the trunk and then we all have to hold our suitcases i could just i was in the front seat and i could turn around and only see people's eyeballs. Like suitcases were literally up to their eyeballs. And then he takes us to Comfort Suites and Comfort Suites was clean at least. Like it smelled like bleach had been spilled, like things had been wiped down, dusting had happened.

And I was like like the lighting not optimal it was you know a comfort suite furniture outdated but we can't very outdated we didn't want to sleep at in that other place at all i was like i don't want to rest my head yeah p.s the other place there was like no there was stains on the headboards yeah there was like it was funky yeah there was just jordan i'll show you pictures later it was fucking disgusting yeah um but comfort comfort suites was was our our savior um and they had a comfy bed so i guess it wasn't was a comfort suite. It was a comfortable suite. We went by the pool. We had a drink.

It was a nice time. And I really thought Mateo and Christy maybe would stay. I was like, come on. This was like an adventure. Don't you want to stay? And they were like, our flights are booked. Goodbye. And they couldn't have been happier to leave skipping out the door

actually the next morning they skipped into our room and they were like okay bye and we're like oh but we're gonna go down and eat breakfast and they were like door slam and we're like okay see you later. And then, so the Comfort Suites was connected to Atlantis somehow.

And Atlantis is this huge amusement park, casino, aquarium, tour, hotel, situation. Anything you want. You can do it at Atlantis. Anything you want can happen at Atlantis. We were sitting at a restaurant. Yes, you can snorkel in their aquarium. In the aquarium.

But the ocean is right there. It's so crazy. We were eating lunch later and I watched people on water bicycles kayaking paddleboarding it was so much skipping rocks i was like there's too much aquatics happening um so but then we had to run to atlantis because the lady said we had to get our day passes before someone checked into comfort suites and took our day passes and i was like that doesn't make sense no because the date of check-ins are different but we were like nothing here makes sense so we ran to atlantis

couldn't drop off our bags at Margaritaville. So we do all our stuff to Atlantis. And we also got dropped off at the wrong building and then had to leave it with the bellhop. And then they're like, OK, go to this area to find a day pass. And that area was 15 miles away. We had to walk through all of Atlantis to find the activities desk. And it wasn't, it wasn't labeled.

We had to go downstairs into the beginning of the aquarium. And then while I was waiting, you tried to enter the aquarium and they would not let you. No, cause I didn't have my day pass. And the lady who gives out the passes wasn't there. No one knew where she was. She was missing.

Nope. She was missing. Nope. She was missing. And then one of the other ladies goes and gets her. And then she finally comes back. No, sorry. No, nothing. She didn't even really look at our fucking comfort suite thing. She just gave us the day passes.

Because she was in such a rush. Because there was now a line behind us of other people waiting for their day passes. So she was quickly like, here you go. Bye. So it didn't really matter that we had to rush over there we were just like whatever no we got our day passes and we saw the aquarium we walked around and then everything the wild we saw everything the wildest thing we did 10 000 steps and all we did was go to the aquarium and go to the beach but that's how big it was yeah but also um atlantis isn't real it's based on something fake so it's filled with like fake hieroglyphics

yeah it was a trip to look at everything i was like this is literally nuts there's fake lore everywhere yeah um they had some of the best fish though really beautiful fish very cool fish some guy passed us because we were ogling the fish like we're like damn look at that fish that fish is beautiful and we're like we're being so silly and then some guy like rushed past it was like excuse me and then he like stopped his tracks and goes dude look at that seahorse and then his friends were like yeah man look at that seahorse oh man we laughed forever and then we you had your first hot dog of the trip and after we went to the beach and we stood behind a man screaming at the workers. Oh, yeah. He was like, I'm watching you, man.

Don't drink my frozen funky monkey drink. And I was like, there's something inherently racist about a white man screaming at black people to not steal his funky monkey drink. Yeah. I was like, it's just not a good look. And then he was like making out with his wife. not a good look and then he was like making out with his wife and everyone at atlantis was either on the brink of a divorce honeymooning but like they shouldn't have been because they should not have gotten married or they just like really didn't like each other it was wild nobody at atlantis was pleasant or happy there was one couple that was in front of us when we were walking who

the woman said something about going to some some pool or something and the husband was like oh what which pool so like he's like start screaming at her in front of there he's like which fucking pool do you want there's a pool right fucking there and then she gave him the finger and i was like should we be here for this it was bad people were not not happy at Atlantis. I know. Because it was too overwhelming. It was too big. It was really overwhelming.

And we went to the beach and asked someone to help us get some beach chairs. And he was like, oh, you want some chairs? And we're like, yes, please. And he goes, please? Whoa, that never happens. And we were like, oh, yeah. Yes, you're giving us a thing. We're trying to be courteous. And I guess to imply the guests here usually do not say please or thank you or anything of the like.

And then we tipped him and he was like, oh, wow. Thanks. I was just doing my job. And we were like, yeah, but like, thank you. And he's like, wow. And then that's what we noticed. We were like, if we just said please and thank you, everyone was so nice.

Yeah. Yeah. People will help if you're just nice to them. But I think a lot of tourists don't recognize the people who work there as people. No. And also it is, you know, mostly Black. So I think it's interesting.

So then we eat the nastiest meal of our lives at Atlantis. Yeah, it was. Because they're trying to get watered down and as basic as possible for all the idiot tourists who come there. Yeah, there was like no spice, no nothing. No salt, no spice no nothing no salt no pepper nothing and then my chicken had this like goop on it that i couldn't figure out if it was mustard or not it was really nasty it was nasty and the bahamas wants to get you drunk they're always trying to serve you drink and give you heavy pours because they drink themselves a lot there but then i think they're also trying

to get these tourists fucked up i was like i don't need that much alcohol please they're like if you drink enough you'll go to sleep and you'll leave us alone you'll stop asking me for things if you're drunk um so then we move all of our stuff to margaritaville and then our room isn't ready no it's not oh and there's a steel drum playing in the lobby when we're trying to check in and it was so loud we can't even get louder and then this the man playing the drum let some other man who doesn't play the drum play the drum and it was like ding ding ding ding ding and play the drum and it was like we're like screaming at this woman she's screaming back at us and then there was never a steel drum in the lobby again ever again it was not like a regular thing that happened for some reason the one moment we're trying to check in and listen to pertinent information about our room, there was a steel drum performance.

And then it literally never happened again. And we were there for like a week. There was a big flip flop in the lobby, which really got me. I loved it so much. And then we get to our room. It's great. It's clean. There's no sand because comfort suites had some i thought it was sand on the floor i decided to never look at my feet

you looked at your feet and it was not the color of sand yeah it's not sand it's chunks of white and i don't know what that is i think it was paint from the floor i think they just like epoxy the floor or painted it with something that they didn't clean it first just so it would adhere and it was paint chips but I was like I'm just going to believe it's sand and I don't want to know anything else.

So our standards were already so low. The lowest they could be. So when we got to Margaritaville we were like heaven! This is heaven. It was great. It was a great hotel. But we also were just like anything, anything.

Also, I had started my period. Yeah, it was bad. And then our good friend Gerard helped us luggage upstairs. He later ends up in the hospital. He's our only friend Gerard helped us bring our luggage upstairs he later ends up in the hospital he's our only friend yes there's a front of house uh employee named Gerard who who was really cool and he gave us suggestions on like where to eat and stuff like that and we're like I was like hey man you seem very helpful literally no one else helped us this whole trip can I get your phone number so if we ever need anything you can help us out he's like oh yes absolutely and then he was like i got a driver

who could help you out we were like we absolutely need a driver because we have tried to call taxis before and they either called us motherfuckers or they had to go get something to eat so we would like to not experience that again yes can we please get a consistent driver and he was like yeah yeah it's hard here of course um he was so nice and we were like are you going to junkanoo he's like i'm not going this year i got stabbed last time i went i was like good to know good to know and we were like well maybe we'll go but like if we see some stabbings we'll get out and then so then we meet our driver mr marley mr marley mr marley is great yeah mr marley starts pretty wild almost at once yeah um at one point i was like mr marley my dad is from barbados and he loved eating sugar cane is sugar cane big here do people just

like munch on it and he was like sugar cane keeps you hard and I was like what I was talking about my dad why did you say that Mr. Marley I never seem to go on about other stuff that makes you fine yeah it's like if there was someone and they can't get it up you know give them some sugar cake and we're like that we weren't talking about that like i was talking about my dear dad stop it mr marley um but we went to this place called latitude which was great um except we were like we don't have a reservation they're like we don't know what to do for you and so she was like well how about we sit maybe in the bar and this lady was like we don't have a reservation. They're like, we don't know what to do for you. And so she was like, well, how about we sit maybe in the bar? And this lady was like, I don't recommend that. And we're like, but like, what if we wait and a table opens up?

And like, it's your time. We're like, okay. Yeah, it was strange. As if no one has ever come without a reservation. Or I guess like stayed and then tried to get a table maybe but i was like there's a way this could happen we'll just get a drink and then if a table opens up you let us know and they're like oh okay that might okay all right you might get in the way of the other people at the bar and we're like we're not gonna hover on top of them we're just gonna get a drink and stand somewhere else but then a table did open up yes and before that i've okay the bahamas i've never

felt prettier or like hotter because these men were like breaking their necks to look at me the bartender i mean he was like 12 but he was like staring at me weird and i thought it was just because i was like too friendly or something but then he like gives me my drink and then appears behind me to give me the check because i think he wanted to confirm that my ass was fat and then he just whispered you're gorgeous and i was like what and i turned around he was like you're gorgeous and i was like okay thank you then he handed me the check and then just like smiled at me and I was like oh wow okay and then oh and then before we got to sit we watched a lady almost die she was old and she was like she looked like she had consumption or something

she was like holding a napkin in front of her mouth and she's like and there was two younger women on either side of her and we were like is she okay don't know i don't know if she ever came back yeah i guess and then no she went died of consumption and then as we were sitting there was a spill and nobody cleaned it up they just put a sign over it yeah this was a slippery wood wet sign on top of it. And I was like, it'd be faster and safer if someone just quickly cleaned it up. But they said, no, this is Bahamas. We won't do anything that makes sense. So then we went to SLS and there was like a bar in the lobby that was a club.

Yeah, I was told there was like an upstairs rooftop bar, which I think there is. But they were like, oh, if you're a guest here, you can go up there, but no one else, which which I guess that's a new rule. And then they're like, but there's this bar here and a jazz bar across the way. And the bar they pointed at was the lobby. And it like the lights were slightly dim, but not dim enough to be a club. But people were dancing. They were dancing as if it was a club.

And I was like, why are you pretending? Why are you trying to make this work? You know you're in a lobby. What's happening? There's children here. There are children there also dancing. People are trying to check in. There was people coming in with luggage trying to check in like what are you doing and then we try to find

the jazz bar and same situation where it just felt like an airport bar where it was like yeah again lights were too bright and so for some reason people were convinced that this was a good option and i was like why yeah and then there was a casino there it felt like vegas it was really fucking wild yeah um so then it's the next step oh no then we go in the hot tub and the hot tub is cold we go back to the margaritaville and we're and and gerard our friend who worked there was like oh yeah the hot tub is open all night and we're like oh okay which is kind of not true because the sign definitely said it was closed at 10 but but it was still open it was still open you could get in it he said it's open all night and uh it's like a movie over

there sometimes oh yeah what are people fucking this hot tub what kind of movie a porn which also wasn't true because no one was there. It was so empty. No, not a single person. But probably because they also believed that the pool closed at a certain hour. And we were told otherwise. Uh-huh. We get in the hot tub.

It is, like, lukewarm. It's lukewarm. It's like, yeah. And then, like, I guess we just stepped put our foot into the pool and it was you looked at the pool and you were like huh well let's see what the pool's doing and you put your hand in you're like this is hot nicole and then we stepped in it we're like oh this is like it was like soupy hot it was like the pool was on a stove it was so fucking hot it seemed like someone had made a mistake and put the wrong temperatures for the pool and the hot tub which

was great because we were like well then we're just gonna enjoy this pool like as a hot tub and it was great we're just like floating around looking at the view it was so nice and then eventually we were like i think we're gonna die i'm so hot my heart is racing yeah i was like we gotta get out of here i'm sweating so then the next day we're like, is Junkanoo happening today? But it was not. It was happening that night at, I don't know. We were told so many different things. Some people said midnight. Some people said 3 a.m.

No one was ever very clear about when Junkanoo was happening. It just was happening at some point. So Mr. Marley gives us a tour and we go to the fish fry first yes and to the lady who checked us in at the airbnb's credit delicious it was so fucking good it was really tasty um yeah we tried conch or i tried conch it was very good which is uh like their dish that they like they usually have a conch salad which is is like ceviche, which is also really, really good. Yeah. I had this blackened salmon,

which I had salmon the whole trip, but that was like the best one I ever had at the fish fry, which was great. And it looked good. I wish I had asked for a little bite, but I didn't think of it. So then he took us to the slave cannons that they use to defend themselves when slave ships would come.

We saw DJ Khaled's house. We got rum cake, slave cannons that they used to defend themselves when slave ships would come we saw dj callous house we got rum cake where you buy rum cake and then they make you go take a shot of rum and the rum cake is so fucking good it's very tasty yeah oh so good and then he made us get sky juice which is essentially it's kind of like a white Russian with rum or actually no it's condensed milk rum and something else very sweet and like really really tasty then we went to the queen staircase and then

that was pretty it was so pretty then Mr. Marley takes us to the ghetto and that is Mr. Marley's words not mine he said we saw how the rich people live now we're gonna see how the poor people live we're going to the ghetto so we go to the ghetto and pull up to a man pumping water we are i don't know walking distance from this yeah not even a foot and he

rolls my window down and goes do you want to take a picture of this poor person pumping water and i was like i rolled up going i was like no mr marley i think i'm okay like because i've been on tours in places where they're like to show the social economic disparity in this place here's how the rich people live. Here's how the poor people live. But from afar, we straight up drove into this neighborhood and were right next to

the people who live there. And he rolled his window down and pointed. There's a poor person getting water from the one water pump in this town and getting it for his family. Want to take a picture? No, Mr. Marley.

This is a human. We certainly don't. We loop around to this woman. She's in a towel in her backyard. Mr. Marley stops in front of her and goes, all right, that's a sour tree. You call it a lemon tree and a banana tree. And there's a woman in a towel. She hears us and she

grabs her towel and looks around and goes back inside because we're invading her home. It was so weird. We don't need this. We don't need this.

It was like... I guess... I don't know don't need this we don't need this we it was like i i guess because i don't know if any other tours do that i hope probably not i mean here's like so a peek behind the curtain you're gonna get something that no one else sees but we were like we don't need to be this close to it people are living here that woman truly was like this is how we i know it never happens she looks surprised yeah that a taxi stopped at her backyard while she's in her towel and then a man points at her and talks about her and she truly was like uh what um so then we leave the ghetto and mr marley is like you'll want to get on some jet skis i have my cousin so we're like all right so we get to this like i can't even describe where we drive i don't either

it's a place i don't remember seeing a building it was like a place where they were yeah it was boat park cars scattered about rocks. Yes. Boat parts, no full boats. My jet ski was lowered with a Honda Accord. And I was like, I don't think that's how you're telling jet skis around. Maybe a truck or a Honda Accord. All right. These were well worn.

They were like, yes, they have seen better day. The seats were kind of coming apart. They were just like, used yes and before we went out so she you had the bigger jet ski and you were like do you want mine and for whatever reason because normally i'd be like yeah let me take the bigger one but it looked newer so i was like no no you can have that one because I worry about my friend. Me, I'm tough. I can take anything. And the world said, bet. So we're driving on these jet skis

that are beeping. Oh, also, before we... Yes, they're beeping. They have a little red light is flashing and they're beeping. And the children, this is also run by children. Everyone looks...

The boss looks 20 and everyone else is younger than that. And no one is really explaining anything but thankfully me and nicole have been on jessie's before so we didn't need like a whole tutorial but they're like you get it right and we're like yes and then yeah and and we were like do we need to worry about this beeping that's happening and they're like no no just ignore that and we're like okay and they don't really tell us where to go no they were like the ocean is left and we were like okay like where can be in the bay to the left and we were like okay we're gonna be in the bay

to the right and we're like oh we definitely want to go in the ocean they're like all right and i was like are you coming with us and they're like oh do you want us to and we're like i mean if you don't we don't care so yeah we're like peace out we're gonna go have an adventure so we go out it's beeping and thenir, before we like get super far out, goes, how do we know if these will like run out of gas? And I was like, they're not gonna run out of gas. And then Sashir's like, let's go to that island. So we were truly the Columbus's of Bahamas,

discovering islands that already exist. We were driving around. We're like 10, 15 miles away from where we started. And Sashir, for whatever reason, we were like, 15 miles away from where we started and this year for whatever reason we were like we should go back in oh maybe it's because my jet ski started no because we want to take a picture of ourselves we were like having so much fun it looks beautiful the sun is shining i've got to get a photo literally in the middle of the atlantic ocean and it's fucking beautiful so yeah we were like let's go inland get our phones out and so we can take

pictures and then my jet ski's like and I looked at Sashir and I was like I ran out of gas you go should I stay with you and I was like no you have to go get help and I understand the like the thought to be

like no I'll stay here with my friend. But I was like, we, we can't both just be here. I know. To get out. But the idea of leaving you in the middle of the ocean really scared me. I was like,

cause we couldn't, it didn't feel safe to have you try to crawl onto mine. And then also. No. But I was like, I can't believe I'm was like and then we're just gonna leave this jet ski in the middle of the ocean i'd rather leave the jet ski than you but you're right i don't give a shit about the jet ski it failed us but i just didn't want to leave

you out there i can't and heli i don't know you drift out to even further out to the ocean but i was like okay i can go fast i'll just go back to shore get someone come back so why can't you drive away was the saddest thing of my whole life i looked around and i was like i'm just in the middle of the ocean and while you were gone i figured like it's like a it's like anything really if you give it a little gas while you're hitting the on button it will go forward a little bit so like i got myself a maybe like half a mile further inland doing that like every couple seconds before i was like goodbye um and then i also just kept trying to look back as i was going because i just wanted to make sure

i remembered where you were exactly and i'm like trying to look back as I was going, because I just wanted to make sure I remembered where you were exactly. And I was like, look, trying to find landmarks, because again, we're in the middle of the ocean. There's nothing near you. So I was like, okay, we do have to pass a McDonald's and a Shell station. And I was like, just trying to make sure I knew exactly where you were. And then I get back to shore, and I was like, hey, Nicole is still stranded out there. She ran out of gas. And they're like, hey, Nicole is still stranded out there. She ran out of gas.

And they're like, oh, okay. And they shout to somebody else, like, go get a gas can. And so, oh no, also there's no gas on the property. Because again, this is not a property. We don't know what this is. And so someone gets in their car to drive somewhere. Yeah, someone has to go drive somewhere to go get gas. And then the other guys are kind of standing around and then they're like,

okay, well, if you want to keep going, you can keep going in this Bay area. And I was like, I'm not going to go have fun while my best friend is in the middle of the ocean. Floating in the middle of the ocean.

I have no control over the jet ski. I'm just drifting around. And they're like, okay. They're like, you can just like, I was like, someone needs to make a move. I don't get on my jet ski i'm just drifting around and they're like okay they're like you could just like i was like someone needs to make a move i don't get on my jet ski get a different what's happening we need to go get her and they're like okay and so some child gets on my jet ski with me and then we drive out really fast to get you and that's when he decided to look in the front

compartments of both of our jet ski. And he goes, oh, man, there's no rope. It's on the shore. And I was like, why didn't we look for the rope before we made the journey? And his bright idea was to sit on the back of my jet ski and hold the front of Nicole's jet skis with his bare hands. And then he told, and then she had, she drove so slow. He told me to go really slow.

He could be like more gas, more gas. No, no, no, no, no, too much for a very long time.

And I was like, and I was like, we were going where we started because it took you like 10 minutes to get back to me. I was like, this is going to take a hundred years for this to happen. to happen and i was it i was so flabbergasted it didn't occur to me to be like hey we should just go back and get rope because that would be much faster than me going so slow across the ocean for you to manually pull the jet ski and then eventually someone got an adult

thank god and then he came out with a gas can and he was like go to that shore it's closer but before that they tried to fill my jet ski on the moving water before the adult was like no no go go go to that little alcove over there so So then he pulls up, he pulls us to this alcove. This took a very long time. And then I get off the jet ski. They start, the adult goes away and then two more adults come. Two more children come.

Oh yes, two more children come. And then they're filling my jet ski while that kid, who P.S. has been saying the whole time, we only work for tips. Nobody will pay me. And I was like, yeah, I wouldn't pay you either. You're bad at this. And he's doing donuts on your jet ski while the other guy is filling the jet ski. And then you're holding the jet ski so it doesn't fucking float away. Because the jet ski was still in the water, not tethered to anything. fucking float away because the jet ski was still in the water not tethered to anything and he's trying he has a gas can in his hand and the jet ski's slowly floating out into the ocean and he's

just like following it with the gas can trying to fill it and so i grab it to station like to keep it stationary but he's like you don't have to do that and i was like i do because somebody has to what else would happen you would just follow it further into the sea. And then the other kids truly having a joy ride on my, on my, which is also like the issue was we didn't have enough gas. Why are you expelling more gas on the other jet ski? That is the only other option for us to get back to where we belong.

And then finally this full full he comes back with my and then they're both actually having a joyride on the joyride on the jet skis and so we're just watching them standing there being like those what is happening what is happening they come back in and the child goes get on from the back and i was like it's shallow enough that I think I'm fine getting on from the side the way I've been getting on and he's like get on from the back and I was like hey I'm gonna get on this jet ski the way I feel comfortable which is from the side I get on fine everything's great then he tells the sheer to get on the back of my jet ski and I was like okay she's gonna get on we'll share those two will share

the other two children have theirs and then for whatever reason that child who pulled my jet ski with his hands decides to get on in between sashir and me and sashir sees what's happening and bails i just jump off because the whole thing is tipping to the side. I was like, well, this makes no sense. So I just get off to lighten the load. And he still tried to climb to counterbalance it. And I just like grip the handles and try to lean the other way. But it's not enough. I was like, oh, no.

I just slowly fall over. And I'm like thrown from this jet ski. And it was like deep enough that it was okay, but had we been inland a little bit more, I probably would have hit my head on just the floor of the ocean.

You were fully submerged. You fully dunked into the water. And it was so crazy to watch because your body was so stiff because you were again you were trying to turn like counterbalance it but your body was just so like rigor mortis stiff and you just with the jet ski fall to the side and plunge into the water and everyone's just watching this. And I was like, I don't understand. No, but the other two guys could have caught the front of it. The other guy behind us could have stepped in and tried to pull it down.

Not one person helped. And then I pop up and there's a man on the other side of the fence who's not on the beach pointing and laughing at me. And I was like, I can't. This is not right. And then that child's like, get on the jet ski. and I was like I can't this is not right and then that child's like get on the jet ski and I was like give me a second he's like get on the jet ski I was like you have to give me one second he's like get on the jet ski and I was like I'm just really pissed right now so if you could just give me a moment and then the other guy was like hey bro chill out and it was like are you okay and I was like finally that's that's just what I just wanted someone to ask if I was okay um and I you had asked if I was okay but I was like one of these people I don't

know needs to ask me if I'm okay yeah um and I was like I'm fine we get back on the jet ski we get back to the weird place the guy who owns the company's like uh-oh did you get wet and I was like who me I'm not wet this isn't water what do you mean he was like and then later he was like oh i was really asking if you got wet and i was like i'm soaking wet why did you ask because he had no idea what happened he had he was not a part of the calamity that happened but but you were dripping head to toe he's like oh did you get a little wet yeah man fully submerged so angry and then that child told him what happened um and then he like kind of yelled at that kid and i was like good good everything he did was incorrect and bad and

then mr marley was like ah well that's how it goes i'm like okay mr marley thank you we paid also for like an hour or an hour and a half yeah we did have a solid 45 minutes of glorious fun yes um but they are and they're they're just the way they justified it was like uh we don't usually go that far or something like that but it's like yeah we you should at least have enough gas for the time we were going to be on the jet skis yeah and also tell us how far we could go it was wild that nobody said we went so far we went so far thank god we were close enough to shore if we had gotten stranded by that island oh my god oh that would have been bad um so i think we're going to put a pin in the rest of the story because there's so much we'll do a part two every day every day was an adventure

oh man yeah we yeah well yeah we'll get to it later we'll get to it later. We'll get to it later. That was maybe the first two days. Yeah, I think that was. So that was one, two, two and a half days. We were there for six days. So usually we answer questions, but we didn't get to it this episode. But if you would like to ask us a question, we have an email address. It is Nicole and Sashira gmail.com. We also have a phone number.

You can send a text or a voicemail or a voice note. And that's 4 2 4 6 4 5 7 0 0 3. We also have merch at pod swag.com slash best friends. Ooh, guess what? If you like reading, we have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com. Ooh, guess what? If you like reading, we have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com.

Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Yeah. All right, Nicole. Until next time. Until next time. I really love the way that you said it. Until next time. All right, Nicole. Until next time. I really love the way that you said it. Until next time. All right, Nicole.

Until next time. Oh, that got me good. Same place, same time. That's who we are. We release on Wednesdays, right? We sure do. Yes. Okay, bye-bye.

Bye. okay bye bye bye