Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer Was Scared To Leave Nicole Stranded In The Middle Of The Ocean (Re-Release)

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Sometimes we want vacations, and sometimes, vacations don’t want us! Nicole and Sasheer share their trip to the Bahamas and it was everything BUT relaxing! This trip had everything! Margaritaville to the rescue, dance clubs in hotel lobbies, Jet Ski adventures, Airbnb catfishing, and so much more. You truly have to be sitting down for this one. And, what this trip had the most of all was the audacity! Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail]  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/friends.

The sheer Nicole, it's the end of the month. Did you like January? What a good month we had. Oh, yum, yum, yum. I liked it so much. She's like, why Bahamas a had. Oh, yum, yum, yum. I liked it so much. Should we talk about our Bahamas trip? Oh, yeah. Let me open my notes app, because any time I have told the story to someone, I've like missed things.

So I'm very happy to have my trusty notes that we made. I almost forgot that we went to the Bahamas. I think maybe your brain's going to like protection mode to like protect yourself from all that we went through. I mean, honestly, maybe it was not good. It was quite wild. It did feel like we were being tested every step of the way. It it really did. And when I got home, I was not well rested. It did feel like we were being tested every step of the way.

It really did. And when I got home, I was not well rested. I didn't feel good. Oh, I got home. I was like, I'm even more tired. Um, yeah. OK. OK. So we decided to go to the Bahamas, I think, in November. I think so. So last fall. Yeah. Yeah. And I had Lindsey, my wonderful assistant, send Airbnb rentals to us.

And we picked one. The pictures were so good. It was right on the water. Yes. You could walk to the beach and be in the water. Mm hmm. There was a pool. Oh, a little pool, a private pool for us. A private just for us friends. So we get on the flight.

It's filled with screaming babies. It's filled with screaming babies. One baby was screaming so hard and the mom dragging her was like, I took her goldfish away and we were like, give it back. Give her the goldfish back, please. Why? If you know, why did you take them? Fix it. Yeah, fix it. She I know you don't want your children to run your life, but like, give them back for all of us. I'm a diamond diva. I want to be Ed Skybaby badly. I follow him on Instagram. But he served us food in a gift box.

Oh, yeah. We had little boxes instead of like a full meal. And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food.

And then we had a little box of food. And then we had a little box of food. And then we his food in a gift box. Oh, yeah, we had a little boxes instead of like a full meal. And then they were also like, well, Mateo's had his thing like we were supposed to see it because it was like a plastic bag of grapes, loose grapes, it was loose grapes, not even on the vine. grapes, loose grapes, loose grapes, not even on the vine. And he said the choice was smoked salmon, banana bread. That's not a meal and a ham and cheese croissant.

And that's how our flight attendant said it. And we were like, oh, a croissant. OK, exotic. It was a ham and cheese croissant, but it was in a bag that wasn't closed. Nothing was sealed in Mateo's box. I was thinking of mine was a plastic bag. So I don't know. There's really no. I had like banana bread in a box. Wait, that's so funny.

I thought everybody's came in weird bag. My head, no bags. That's so funny. Oh, everybody came in weird back. My head no bags. That's so funny. Oh, my God. Then we land and we get to the airport and I get a message from the woman who's checking us in. And she says, are you at the airport? And I said, yes, we're at the airport. She said, so am I. I said, great.

We're just going to pick up our luggage. And then we get outside. I text her like four times. Nothing. I said, great, we're just going to pick up our luggage. And then we get outside. I text her like four times, nothing. I call her like five times, nothing. And then I was like, Mateo, you have a number too, right? And he said, yes. So he calls and they're like, Oh, you have to take a shuttle. And I said, a shuttle.

Nobody told me about a shuttle. I just told you when we were landing and that you said that someone would be here. And then the shuttle man was like, take a selfie. So I know who I'm picking up. Send me a picture of yourself where we're like, or you could just tell us what your car looks like. Yeah. Give us a license plate number.

I'm making a model. So we took a beautiful selfie of ourselves to send to this stranger. Sophie of ourselves to send to the stranger. Who then arrived in a dirty, dinged up gray van. And yeah. I had all my luggage, like everything I've ever owned because I was going straight from the Bahamas to Atlanta for work. So I had like two huge suitcases and then a backpack and everyone else had suitcases, too. And the the band just had every seat up and there was no trunk space.

And I was like, do you want to put the back seat down so we can put the luggage in? He goes, no, it's fine. And then Chuck's my biggest bag over a seat. Your 100 pound suitcase or 80 pound, however big it was, just between the headrests while he just threw it. And then I was like, oh, better keep my backpack. I don't. Yeah, I had set my backpack down for it to be put in there. But I was like, I don't want him checking my laptop.

So I just kept my backpack with me. We he drives OK, but like not great. And he's like, you can open the windows if you want. And I was like, couldn't possibly ever guess how to open one of these windows. Yeah, I think you had to. He just turned the music up. And then Mateo was like, these seats are all set the worst way. Like I was sitting in his lap and I couldn't figure out how to move it. Then we get to the Airbnb.

It is covered in rust. Yeah. The outside is just so rusty. Yes. And this man threw our suitcase. We were catfish. We were we were shown a beautiful place. And then the worst place we've ever we've ever been. Yeah. But the hallway leading to the living room, I was like, you know what?

That's like nice. This was a nice hallway. Nice inside. Yes. And I think that's what they did. They were like, listen, that side may be bad, but this hallway, this hallway is going to lead to good things. And then it did it. It really didn't.

There were stains everywhere. They were like towels or like some sort of cloth covering some cushions on the couch. It was a uniform at all. When I finally looked under the towels, it was more stained. The worst stains were covered with a towel. And then the lovely lady checking us in. I won't say her name, that's not kind, but she comes in,

immediately kicks off her sandals and starts like towing the floor. She sat down and her toes are going up and down on the floor. And she tells us she's like, OK, so you guys are here for junk anew, which is we later found out a festival, a cultural fucking festival that happens every year. And it hadn't happened for two years since Covid had hit. And it was a big deal that it was happening again. And she was like, yeah, families dance and you got to look it up.

It's an all day event, but you got to look it up. Junkie News fun, but you got to look it up. And we're like, OK. And then she did it. I can't explain it. Yeah, you live here. You you've lived here, I think, your whole life. She's like, that's fine. You you've lived here. I think your whole life is like this.

I don't know. Just look at that. Oh, then she told us her favorite places to eat, which buses we should take. And I was like, check us in and get the fuck out. And she was like, these are my new best friend. Yeah, she like buckled in. Also, I was like, why isn't this information just in a pamphlet on the table? She's like, verbally telling us everything as if we're going to remember. I was like, I'm not going to know the bus system that you're talking about right now.

Write it down. I can look it up myself. Write it down. And then she like told us the Wi-Fi by mouth. Like, yeah, nothing was written down in this house. And then she was like, we don't have any shampoo here or conditioner or extra toilet paper or paper towels or like there was nothing there. It was an empty house. Just stains. Just nothing but stains.

And they didn't have laundry detergent. No. Yeah, no, no fucking laundry sauce to clean anything. No, and then then she goes, huh, I got to give you a key, but I don't know where the keys are. And then she starts touching our stuff. And I was like, we all got here before you. So that key's not under our things. And then she's like, yes, but I need to find the key. And I was like, okay. And then this is after she made me like,

give her my passport, my driver's license, my whole identity for her to steal. And then she's like, it's Airbnb's policy. And I was like, well, it's Airbnb's policy to lose a key. And she didn't like that. She didn't like that at all. Yeah, you went to sassy mode. I was so mad at this woman.

Yeah. And when she finally left, she was like, maintenance happens on Tuesdays. We're like, wait, that all seems important. Yeah, that was important information. You were wasting our time with other stuff, but now you're like rushing out like, OK, maintenance, the other clothes at this time. Bye. And then we're like, how do we get cabs? And she was like, go through me. And we were like, we never want to talk to you again.

Is there any other way? She did say that. Oh, just let me know and I'll get you a cab. Well, I don't want to let you know anything. You told me you were at the airport. You were not at the airport. So you know, I was there, but the cab is not going to be there. I don't trust you.

Um, also, also, she didn't know that we had like a chef for the week. We had a chef for the week because we were like, let's be opulent. And she's like, I don't know about this. And Mateo was like, but I spoke to you. And she was like, no, I don't have any of this on my side. He's like, I paid for it. And she's like, never heard of a chef in my life. What is a chef?

It was truly wild. But then she like figured it out. And we did have a chef who came. Oh, wait, no. Before that, you guys go to get things that we need. Me, Mateo and Christy were like, we're going to go to the convenience store. We're going to walk, get some stuff. And then you were like, I'm going to take a shower.

You're going to take a just a water shower. So please shower. Because again, there was no amenities. Nothing. I just needed some alone time because I was like, I cannot believe this is the house we're in. Oh, also, everyone had gone upstairs while she was there, while I was dealing with her. And then when I finally went upstairs, I was like, the floor's not done.

I was like, the staircase isn't finished and everyone seems OK with this. So I was like, I guess I just got to, like, be OK in this house. I'll take a soapless shower. Now, I think we're all like reeling from this. We were like, but like, who's going to say it first? Who's going to say this house sucks and we don't want to be here first? And so we walked to the store and Mateo was also like, is Nicole going to be mad if we say we don't like it?

And I was like, I think she's on the same page. She looks displeased. I can't imagine she's attached to this house. But we and also everything is super expensive in the Bahamas because they import everything from America. So like a ball of shampoo was like fifteen dollars. And yeah, we were just like bought what we could and got some snacks and they bagged it up for us and they walked back to the house. We were looking at the horizon.

Actually, no, you were looking at the horizon because you got out of the shower and you look like you're going to jump off of the ledge. And then I kept looking at the ocean being like, this is nice. The ocean is nice. Yes, this is great. And then you, Mateo and Christy come out and Matteo was like, first he was like, the beach is a prison beach. And I was like, what do you mean?

And he's like, you can see it from here. And the beach, this thing they called the beach was just a gap between townhouses that if you went swimming, you would be pulled out and you would die. You would just, like, it was so wild. The waves were so choppy. There were huge rocks underneath us.

Like, there's no way you could actually swim in that water. I don't know why they were like, the beach is close. No, we were gonna die. Yeah, we'll pass right away. And then I don't know who said it first, but they were like, this place is bad, right? And I was like, yes, yes, it's awful, it's awful. We can't stay here.

And then our chef comes and she makes us a delicious meal that costs eight hundred and fifty five dollars. She had bought groceries for the week and we only stayed for a day. Also, we were supposed to get two meals that day and we only got one. Yeah. But it was very delicious.

It was a delicious meal. That was the highlight of the day because we were very sad and angry. But then we're like, at least we have this wonderful meal. But also when she was there, she discovered that the fridge was broke. So she was like. Oh yeah.

It was like leaking. And it was leaking and making this horrible noise. It was like, no, no. Yeah. And then she was like, you know, these apartment or these houses are all like this. Like the owners don't live here. They don't care about these buildings and they're kind of all falling apart. So I'm not surprised. And we were like, oh, we are.

She's like, I listen to people complain all the time. And I was like, oh, my God, this won't do. So I hop on Airbnb and I was like, listen, this isn't good. And to their credit, they were like, take some pictures. So I took pictures and beautiful Timothy goes, even I wouldn't stay there. I was like, thanks, Timothy. So Timothy refunded me all of my money and then sent a yeah, truly. He sent a couple other options, but they're all like two bedrooms, teeny tiny.

And we were like, Timothy, no, too small. So then Kristy and Mateo are like, Hey, we're going to go home. And we were like, what? And then we both contacted our publicist being like, do you think we could get like a discount at a hotel or something? And then we both said, no, we can't. We can't. We can't. We can't.

We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't.

We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. I want to see more of Bahamas. So we decided to stay. You found I then we both contacted our publicist being like, do you think we could get like a discount at a hotel or something?

Which I never like. But then Jimmy Buffett has a Margaritaville Resort in Bahamas, and they had two rooms open. Literally only the only place in Bahamas that have rooms open. And there was only two. Yeah. And I said to Kristi, I was like, there's two rooms open. Yeah, really only the only place in Bahamas that have rooms open and there was only two. Yeah. And I said to Kristy, I was like, there's two rooms open. Do you want to get one of those rooms? And like, we're literally leaving tomorrow. We have booked our flights. We're like, OK, which like I think all options are correct. You and I were like, we came for a vacation.

We're going to get a vacation. And you know, Kristy, I think we're like, like, we came for a vacation. We're going to get a vacation. And so, Chrissy, I think we're like, look, we had a hard year, not hard year, but like we had a year where we worked very hard and we want to celebrate that. And we don't want to spend the rest of the trip in the Bahamas figuring out the trip in Bahamas. And so they they're like, that's what they chose. They left. And you have to wrap. We're going to figure this out.

We're going to do this. So we get that room at Margaritaville. And then you were like, let's go get a drink at SLS, which is a hotel, a big hotel. It's wild. The hotels in Bahamas are like Vegas casinos. Yeah, they're enormous and literally have casinos in them. They're crazy. So I call a taxi company and I was like, Hi, can you pick us up from da da da da? And this man goes, How many of you are there? And I said four. And he went, No, you're the same people from yesterday. I laughed. I was like, no, no, no, I'm not.

And he's like, you're on the same motherfuckers from yesterday. You motherfuckers were so fucking rude to me. Don't you fucking dare call. And I was like, wait a minute. I was like, what? And she was doing something. She walked past. She was like, wait, what? I was like brushing my teeth and I was like, what? And she was like, let me talk to him. I was like, what? Which he was like, let me talk to him.

I was like, what are you going to do? Fight him through the phone. And then he hung up on me and I was like, oh, my God. And then I called another cab company. They didn't pick up the next one. I call. She was like, where are you? I told her. And she's like, I ain't got no drivers, but I'm going to get me a bite to eat. And then I come get to be 30 minutes. And I was like, 30 minutes now. We'll try something else.

I call four more companies. Nobody will come get us. So we were like, OK, I guess we stay in this awful Airbnb all night. This is like it felt like. Bahamas didn't want us there. It felt this was like one of many times throughout the trip where it felt like the Bahamas was like, we just don't want you here. You don't get the head here. Yeah, just fucking leave.

We will not help you. But then Christie's fiance's best friend's cousin. And then Christy's fiance's best friend's cousin who lives in... Who lives in... Who lives in... Who lives in... Who lives in... Who lives in...

Who lives in... Somehow had a hookup at Comfort Suites on Paradise Island, which is like 20 minutes away from where their B&B was. So he comes for us in this Volvo. A Volvo's not big. At all. So she has two 80 pound suitcases. I have like a 62 pound suitcase because I packed my whole life to come here for no

reason. Mateo has a giant suit. Everyone has big suitcases. So he puts me Ken in the trunk and then we all have to hold our suitcases. I could just I was in the front seat and I could turn around and only see people's eyeballs. Like suitcases were literally up to their eyeballs. And then he takes us to comfort suites and comfort suites was clean, at least. Like it smelled like bleach had been spilled, like things had been wiped down, dusting had happened.

And I was like, the lighting, not optimal. It was, you know, a comfort suite. Furniture outdated, but we can't complain. Very outdated. We didn't want to sleep in that other place at all. I was like, I don't want to rest my head. Yeah. PS, the other place there was like, no, there was stains on the headboards. Yeah, there was like it was funky.

Yeah, there was just Jordan. I'll show you pictures later. It was fucking disgusting. Yeah. But comfort comfort suites was was our our savior. And they had a comfy bed. So I guess it was a comfort a comfort a comfort suite. It was a comfortable suite.

We went by the pool. We had a drink. It was a nice time. And I really thought Mateo and Christy may maybe would stay. I was like, come on, this was like an adventure. Don't you want to stay? And they were like, our flights are booked. Goodbye. And they couldn't have been happier to leave. Skipping out the door. Yes. And then the next morning they skipped.

They skipped into our room. And they were like, OK, bye. And we're like, oh, but we're going to go down and eat breakfast. And they were like, door slam. And we're like, OK, see you later. And then so the comfort suites was connected to Atlanta somehow. And Atlantis is this huge amusement park, casino, aquarium, tour, hotel. Anything you want, you can do it.

Anything you want can happen at Atlantis. You could. We were sitting in a restaurant. Yes, you could snorkel in their aquarium. The ocean is right there. It's so crazy. We were eating lunch later and I watched people on water bicycles, uh, people kayaking, paddle boarding, it was so much skipping rocks. I was like, there's too much aquatics happening.

Um, so, but then we had to run to Atlantis because the lady said we had to get our day passes before someone checked into comfort suites and took our day passes. And I was like, that doesn't make sense. No, because the date of check ins are different. But we were like, nothing here makes sense. So we ran to Atlantis, couldn't drop off our bags at Margaritaville.

So we do all our stuff to Atlantis and we also got dropped over the wrong building and then had to leave it with the bellhop. And then they're like, OK, go to this area to find a day pass. And that area was 15 miles away. We had to walk through all of Atlantis to find the activities desk. And it wasn't it wasn't labeled. We had to go downstairs into the beginning of the aquarium. And then while I was waiting, you tried to enter the aquarium and they would not let you know you could have my day pass. And the lady who gives out the passes wasn't there.

No one knew where she was. She was missing. Nope. She was missing. Nope. She was missing. And then one of the other ladies goes and gets her. And then she finally comes back. No, sorry. No, nothing. She didn't even really look at our fucking comfort suite thing. She just gave us the day passes because she was in such a rush

because there was now a line behind us. And other people were waiting for their day passes. So she was quickly like, it's like, here you go. Bye. So it didn't really matter that we had to rush over there. We were just like, whatever. No, we got our day passes and we saw the aquarium. We walked around and then saw everything. The wild, we saw everything.

The wildest thing, we did 10,000 steps and all we did was go to the aquarium and go to the beach. But that's how big it was. Yeah. But also, um, Atlantis isn't real. It's based on something fake. So it's filled with like fake hieroglyphics. Yeah, it was a trip to look at everything. I was like, this is literally nuts.

There's fake lore everywhere. Yeah. They had some of the best fish, though. Mm hmm. Really beautiful fish. Very cool fish. Some guy passed us because we were ogling the fish like we're like, damn, look at that fish. That fish is beautiful. And we're like, we're being so silly. And then some guy like rushed past us like, excuse me. And then he like stopped his tracks and goes, dude, look at that seahorse.

And his friends are like, yeah, man, look, the seahorse. Oh, man, we laughed forever. And then we you had your first hot dog of the trip and after we went to the beach and we stood behind a man screaming at the workers. He was like, I'm watching you, man. Don't drink my frozen funky monkey drink. And I was like, there's something inherently racist

about a white man screaming at black people to not steal his funky monkey drink. I was just like, it's just not a good look. And then he was like making out with his wife and everyone at Atlantis was either on the brink of a divorce, honeymooning, but like they shouldn't have been because they should not have gotten married or they just like really didn't like each other. It was wild.

No one Atlantis was pleasant or happy. There was one couple that was in front of us when we were walking, who the woman said something about going to some some pool or something. And the husband was like, Oh, what? Which pool? So he was like, started screaming at her in front of that. He's like, which fucking pool do you want? There's a pool right there. And then she gave him the finger.

And I was like, should we be here for this? It was bad. People were not happy at Atlanta. Oh, I think it was too overwhelming. It was too big. It was really overwhelming. And we went to the beach and asked someone to help us get some beach chairs. And he was like, he's like, oh, you want some chairs? We're like, yes, please. And he goes, please. Whoa, that never happens.

And we were like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. You're giving us a thing. We're trying to be courteous. And I guess to imply the guests here usually do not say please or thank you or anything of the like. And then we tipped him and he was like, oh, wow. Thanks. I was just doing my job. And we're like, yeah, but like, thank you.

He's like, oh, wow. And then that's what we noticed. We were like, if we just said please and thank you, everyone was so nice. Yeah. Yeah. People will help if you're just nice to them. But I think a lot of tourists don't recognize the people who work there as people. No. And also, it is, you know, mostly black. So I think it's interesting.

So then we eat the nastiest meal of our lives at Atlantis. Yeah, it was I. Oh, because they're trying to get watered down and as basic as possible for all the idiot tourists who come there. And. Yeah, there was like no spice, no nothing. No salt, no pepper, nothing. And then my chicken had this like goop on it that I couldn't figure out if it was mustard or not. It was really nasty. It was nasty. And the Bahamas wants to get you drunk. They're always trying to drink and give you heavy pours

because they drink themselves a lot there. But then I think they're also trying to get these tourists fucked up. I was like, I don't need that much alcohol, please. They're like, if you drink enough, you'll go to sleep and you'll leave us alone. You'll stop asking me for things if you're drunk. So then we move all of our stuff to Margaritaville and then our room isn't ready. No, it's not.

Oh, and there's a steel drum playing in the lobby when we're trying to check in. And it was so loud. We can't hear the person. It was so loud. And then the man playing the drum let some other man who doesn't play the drum play the drum and it was like ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And we're like, is our room ready? We're like screaming at this moment.

She's screaming back at us. And then there was never a steel drum in the lobby again. Ever again. It was not like a regular thing that happened. For some reason, the one moment we're trying to check in and listen to pertinent information about our room, there was a steel drum performance. And then it literally never happened again. And we were there for like a week.

There was a big flip flop in the lobby, which really got me. I loved it so much. And then we get to our room. It's great. It's clean. There's no sand because comfort suites had some. I thought it was sand on the floor. I decided to never look at my feet. You looked at your feet and it was not the color of sand.

Yeah, it's not sand. It's chunks of white and I don't know what that is. I think it was paint from the floor. I think they just like epoxy the floor or painted it with something that they didn't clean it first just so it would adhere. And it was paint chips. And I was like, I'm just going to believe it's sand. And I don't want to know anything else.

So our standards were already so low. The lowest they could be. So when we got to Margaritaville, we were like, heaven, this is heaven. Which it was great. It was great. Hotel. But we also were just like anything, please. Anything. Also, I had started my period. Yeah, it was bad. And then our good friend, Gerard, helped us bring our luggage upstairs.

He later ends up in the hospital. He's our good friend, Gerard, helped us luggage upstairs. He later ends up in the hospital. He's our only friend. Yes, there's a front of house employee named Gerard who was really cool. And he gave us suggestions on like where to eat and stuff like that. And we're like, I was like, hey, man, you seem very helpful. Literally no one else helped us this whole trip. Can I get your phone number?

So if we ever need anything, you can help us out. He's like, oh, yes, absolutely. And then he was like, I got a driver who could help you out. And we were like, we absolutely need a driver because we have tried to call taxis before and they either call us motherfuckers or they had to go get something to eat. So we would like to not experience that again. Yes. Can we please get a consistent driver? And he was like, yeah, yeah, it's hard here, of course.

He was so nice. And we were like, are you going to junk into? He's like, I'm not going this year. I got stabbed last time I went. I was like, good to know. Good to know. And we were like, well, maybe we'll go. But like, if we see some stabbings, we'll get out.

will go, but like if we see some stabbing, we'll get out. And then so then we meet our driver, Mr. Marley, Mr. Marley. Mr. Marley is great. Mr. Marley starts pretty wild almost at once. Yeah. At one point, I was like, Mr. Marley, my dad is from Barbados and he loved eating sugarcane. Is sugarcane big here to people just like munch on it? And he was like, sugar cane keeps you hard.

And I was like, what? I was talking about my dad. Yeah, I hear that. This is Marley. I never got to go on about other stuff that makes you. Yeah, it's like if there was someone and they can't get it up, give them some sugarcane. And we're like that we weren't talking about that.

I was talking about my dear dad. Please stop it, Mr. Marley. But we went to this place called Latitude, which was great. Except we were like, we don't have a reservation. They're like, we don't know what to do for you. And so she was like, well, how about we sit maybe in the bar? And this lady was like, we don't have a reservation. They're like, we don't know what to do for you. And so she was like, well, how about we sit maybe in the bar? And this lady was like, I don't recommend that. And we're like, but like, what if we wait

and a table opens up and like, it's your time. And we're like, okay. Yeah, it was strange. It was as if no one has ever come without a reservation. Or I guess like stayed and then tried to get a table. Maybe. But I was like, there's a way this could happen. We'll just get a drink.

And then if a table opens up, you let us know. And they're like, oh, okay. That might be. Okay. All right. Like you might get in the way of the other people at the bar and we're like, we're not going to hover on top of them. We're just going to get a drink and stand somewhere else.

But then a table did open up. Yes. And before that, I've OK. The Bahamas, I've never felt prettier or like hotter because these men were like breaking their necks to look at me. The bartender, I mean, he was like 12, but he was like staring at me weird. And I thought it was just because I was like too friendly or something. But then he like gives me my drink and then appears behind me to give me the check because I think he wanted to confirm that my ass was fat. And then he just whispered, you're gorgeous.

And I was like, what? And he turned around. He was like, you're gorgeous. And I was like, OK, thank you. Then he handed me the check and then just like smiled at me. I was like, oh, wow. OK. And then, oh, and then before we got to sit, we watched a lady almost die. She was old and she was like she looked like she had consumption or something. She was like holding a napkin in front of her mouth and she was like,

and there was two younger women on either side of her. And we were like, is she OK? Don't know. I don't know if she ever came back. Yeah, I guess. And then, no, she went and died of consumption. And then as we were sitting, there was a spill and nobody cleaned it up. They just put a sign over it. You know, this was slippery with wet sign on top of it. And I was like, it'd be faster and safer if someone just quickly cleaned it up.

But they said, no, this is Bahamas. We won't do anything that makes sense. So then we went to SLS and there was. There was like a bar in the lobby that was a club. Yeah, I was told there was like an upstairs rooftop bar, which I think there is, but they were like, oh, if you're a guest here, you can go up there, but no one else, which was, I guess that's a new rule. And then they're like, but there's this bar here and a jazz bar across the way.

And the bar they pointed out was the lobby. And it like the lights were slightly dim, but not dim enough to be a club. And then there was. But people were dancing. They were dancing as if it was a club. And I was like, why are you pretending? Why are you trying to make this work? You know, you're in a lobby. What's happening? There's children here.

There are children there. Also, they're in. Yeah, there was people coming in with luggage trying to check in. Like, what are you doing? And then we try to find a jazz bar and same situation where it just felt like an airport bar, where it was like, again, lights were too bright. And so for some reason, people were convinced that this was a good option. And I was like, why? Yeah. And then there was a casino there.

It felt like Vegas. It was really fucking wild. Yeah. So then it's the next step. Oh, no. Then we go in the hot tub and the hot tub is cold. We go back to the Margaritaville and we'll end and draw our friend who worked there was like, oh, yeah, the hot tub is open all night. And we're like, oh, OK, which is kind of not true because the sign definitely said it was close to death.

But but he was still open. It was still open. You could get it. He said it's open all night. And it's like a movie over there sometimes. Oh, yeah. What are people fucking with? What kind of movie? A porn? Which also wasn't true because no one was there. It was so empty.

No, not a single person. Probably because they also believed that the pool closed in a certain hour. And we were told otherwise. Uh huh. We get in the hot tub. It is like lukewarm. It's lukewarm. It's like, yeah. And then like, I guess we just stepped, put our foot into the pool and it was boiling.

You looked at the pool and you were like, huh? Well, let's see what the pool's doing. And you put your hand in, you're like, this is hot, Nicole. And then we stepped in it. We're like, oh, it was like super hot. It was like the pool was on a stove. It was so fucking hot. It was like the pool was on a stove. It was so fucking hot. It seemed like someone had made a mistake

and put the wrong temperatures for the pool and the hot tub, which was great. Cause we were like, well, then we're just gonna enjoy this pool like as a hot tub. And it was great. We're just like floating around, looking at the view. It was so nice. And then eventually we were like, I think we're gonna die.

I'm so hot. My heart is racing. Yeah, I was like, we we're going to die. I'm so hot. My heart is racing. Yeah, I was like, we got to get out of here. I'm sweating. So then the next day, we're like, is junk anew happening today? But it was not. It was happening that night at.

I don't know. We were told so many different things. Some people said midnight different. Some people said three a.m. No one was ever very clear about when junk and it was happening. It just was happening at some point. So Mr. Marley gives us a tour and we go to the fish fry first. Yes. And to the lady who checked us in at the Airbnb's credit.

Delicious. It was so fucking good. It was really tasty. Yeah, we tried conch or I tried conch. It was very good, which is like their dish that they like. They usually have a conch salad, which is like ceviche, which is also really, really good. Yeah. I had this blackened salmon, which I had salmon the whole trip, but that was like the best one I ever had

at the fish fry, which is great. And it looked good. I wish I had asked for a little bite, but I didn't think of it. So then he took us to the slave cannons that they used to defend themselves when slave ships would come. We saw DJ.J.

Callitz have we got rum cake where you buy rum cake and then they make you go take a shot of rum and the rum cake is so fucking good. It's very tasty. Yeah. Oh, so good. And then he made us get sky juice, which is essentially it's kind of like a white Russian with rum, or actually no, it's condensed milk, rum, and something else,

very sweet and like really, really tasty. Then we went to the queen staircase. And then- That was pretty. It was so pretty. Then Mr. Marley takes us to the ghetto. The ghetto. And that is Mr. Marley's words, not mine.

He said, we saw how the rich people live. Now we're going to see how the poor people live. We're going to the ghetto. So we go to the ghetto and pull up to a man pumping water. We are, I don't know, talking distance from this. Yeah, not even a foot. And he rolls my window down and goes, do you want to take a picture

of this poor person pumping water? And I was like, I rolled up and I was like, no, Mr. Marley, I think I'm OK. Like because I've been on tours and places where they're like to show the social economic disparity in this place. Here's how the rich people live. Here's how the rich people live, here's how the poor people live. But from afar, we straight up drove into this neighborhood and we're right next to the people who live there

and he rolled his window down and pointed, there's a poor person getting water from the one water pump in this town and getting it for his family. Wanna take a picture? No, Mr. Marley. No, human. We don't. We certainly don't. We loop around to this woman. She's in a towel in her backyard. Mr. Marley stops in front of her and goes, all right, that's a sour tree.

You call it a lemon tree and a banana tree. And there's a woman in a towel. and she hears us and she like grabs her towel and like looks around and goes back inside because we're invading her home. It was so weird. We don't we don't need this. We don't need this. We it was like.

We don't we don't need this. We don't need this. We it was like. I guess because I don't know if any other tours do that. I hope probably not. They usually like a peek behind the curtain. You're going to get something that no one else sees. But we were like, we don't need to be this close to it. People are living here.

That woman truly was like, this is how we I know it never happens. She looks surprised that a taxi stopped at her backyard while she's in her towel. And then a man points at her and talks about her. And she truly was like, oh, what? So then we leave the ghetto. Mr. Marley is like, you want to get on some jet skis? I have my cousin. So we're like, all right. So we get to this like I can't even describe where we drive to.

I don't either. It's a place. I don't remember seeing a building. It was like a place where they were. Yeah, it was. Boat parts. Cars. We're scattered about. Rocks. Yes. Boat parts. No full boats. My jet ski was boat parts. Cars scattered about rocks. Yes. Boat parts. No full boats.

My jet ski was lowered with a Honda Accord. And I was like, I don't think that's how you're telling jet skis around. Maybe a truck or a Honda Accord. I'm right. These were well worn. They were like, yes, they have seen better day. The seats were kind of coming apart. They were just like, well used. Yes. And before we went out, so she you had the bigger jet ski and you were like, do you want mine?

And for whatever reason, because normally I'd be like, yeah, let me take the bigger one. But it looked newer. So I was like, no, no, you can have that one because I worry about my friend, me. I'm tough. I can take anything. And the world said that. So we're driving on these jets.

You said before we were, you know, they're beeping. They have a real red light is flashing and they're beeping and the children. This is also run by children. Everyone looks. The boss looks 20 and everyone else is younger than that. And no one is really explaining anything. But thankfully me and Nicole have been on Jessica's before. So we didn't need like a whole tutorial, but they're like, you get it, right?

And we're like, yes. And then, and we were like, do we need to worry about this beeping that's happening? And they're like, no, no, just ignore that. And we're like, okay. And they don't really tell us where to go. No, they were like, the ocean is left. And we were like, okay.

I'm like, where are you gonna be in the bay? To the right. And we were like, OK, like, where can be in the Bay to the right? And we were like, oh, we definitely want to go in the ocean. They're like, all right. And I was like, are you coming with us? And they're like, oh, do you want us to? And we're like, I mean, if you don't, we don't care. So we're like, peace out. We're going to go have an adventure.

So we go out. It's beeping. And then this year, before we like it super far, goes, how do we know if these will run out of gas? And I was like, they're not going to run out of gas. And then Sashir's like, let's go to that island. So we were truly the Columbuses of Bahamas, discovering islands that already exist. We were driving around. We're like 10, 15 miles away from where we started.

And Sashir, for whatever reason, we were like, we should go back in. Oh, maybe it's because my jet ski started. No, because we want to take a picture of ourselves. We were like having so much fun. It looks beautiful. The sun is shining. I've got to get a photo of our literally in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And it's fucking beautiful. So, yeah, we were like, let's go in and get our phones out.

And so we could take pictures. And then my dress, he's like, no, no, no. And I looked at this year and I was like, I ran out of gas. You go, should I stay with you? I was like, no, you have to go get help. And I understand the like the thought to be like, no, I'll stay here with my friend. But I was like, we can't both just be here. I have to get out.

But the idea of leaving you in the middle of the ocean really scared me. Cause it didn't feel safe to have you try to crawl onto mine and then also- No. That I was like, I can't believe it. You're just keeping the middle of the. I'd rather leave the jet ski than you.

But you're right. I'll give a shit about the jet ski. It failed us. But I just didn't want to leave you out there. I can't tell you. I don't know. You drift out to even further out to the ocean. But I was like, OK, I can go fast. I'll just go back to shore, get someone, come back.

So why can you drive away with this? I looked around and I was like, I'm just in the middle of the ocean. And while you were gone, I figured like it's like a it's like anything, really. If you give it a little gas while you're hitting the on button, it will go forward a little bit. So like I got myself a little maybe like half a mile further inland doing that, like every couple of seconds before I was like, goodbye. And then I also just kept trying to look back as I was going,

because I just wanted to make sure I remembered where you were exactly. And I'm trying to find back as I was going because I just wanted to make sure I remembered where you were exactly. And I was like, trying to find landmarks because again, we're in the middle of the ocean. There's nothing near you. So I was like, OK, we do have to pass a McDonald's and a Shell station. And I was like, just trying to make sure I knew exactly where you were. And then I get back to shore and I was like, hey, Nicole is still stranded out there. She ran out of gas. And they're like, hey, Nicole is still stranded out there. She ran out of gas. And they're like, oh, OK. And they shout to somebody else, like, go get a gas can.

And so, oh, no, there is also there's no gas on the property because, again, this is not a property. We don't know what this is. And so someone gets in their car to drive somewhere. Yes, we have to go drive somewhere to go get gas. And then the other guys are kind of standing around and then they're like, OK, well, if you want to keep going, you can keep going in this Bay Area. And I was like, I'm not going to go have fun

while my best friend is in the middle of the ocean. Floating in the middle of the ocean. I have no control over the jet ski. I'm just drifting around. And they're like, okay, they're like, you can just like, and I was like, someone needs to make a move. I don't, get on my jet ski, get a different jet,

what's happening? We need to go get her. And they're like, okay. And so some child gets on my jet ski with me and then we drive out really fast to get you. And that's when he decided to look in the front compartments of both of our jet ski and he goes,, Oh, man, there's no rope. It's on the shore.

And I was like, why didn't we look for the rope before we made the journey? And his bright idea was to sit on the back of my jet ski and hold the front of Nicole's jet skis with his bare hands. And then he told and then she had she drove so he told me to go really slow. He could be like, more gas, more gas. No, no, no, no, no, too much for a very long time. I was like, and I was like, we're going where we started because it took hours and minutes to get back to me.

I was like, this is going to take 100 years. Yeah, this to happen. And I was it. I was so flabbergasted. It didn't occur to me to be like, hey, we should just go back and get rope because that would be much faster than me going so slow across the ocean for you to manually pull the jet ski. And then eventually someone got an adult. Thank God. And then he came out with a gas can and he was like,

go to that shore. It's closer. So he went to it before that. They tried to fill my jet ski on the moving water before the adult was like, no, no, go, go, go to that little alcove over there. So then he pulls up, he pulls us to this alcove. This took a very long time. And then I get off the jet ski. They start the one, the adult goes away and then two more adults come.

Two more children. And then, oh yes, two more children come. Um, and then they're filling my jet ski while that kid who PS has been saying the whole time. We only work for tips. Nobody will pay me. And I was like, yeah, I wouldn't pay you either. You're bad at this.

And he's doing donuts on your jet ski while the other guy is filling the jet ski. And then you're holding the jet ski so it doesn't fucking float away because it just he was still in the water, not tethered to anything. And he's trying. He has a gas can in his hand and the just keeps slowly floating out into the ocean. And he's just like following it with the gas can trying to fill it. And so I grab it to station like to keep it stationary. And he's like, you have to do that. And I was like, I do, because where he has to what else would happen?

You would just follow it further into the sea. And then the other kids truly having a joyride on my on my. Which is also like the issue was we didn't have enough gas. Why are you selling gas or gas on the other jet ski? That is the only other option for us to get back to where we belong. And then finally this fall, he comes back with my just and then they're both actually having a joyride on the on both the jet skis.

And so we're just watching them standing there being like those. What is happening? What is happening? They come back in and the child goes, get on from the back. And I was like, it's shallow enough that I think I'm fine getting on from the side the way I've been getting on. And he's like, get on from the back. And I was like, Hey, I'm going to get on this jet ski the way I feel comfortable, which is from the side. I get on fine. Everything's great. Then he tells the sheer to get on the back of my jet ski. And I was like,

okay, she's going to get on. We'll share those two will share the other two children have theirs. And then for whatever reason, that child who pulled my jet ski with his hands decides to get on in between the sheer and me. And so sheer sees what's happening and Bales. I just jump off because the whole thing is tipping to the side. I was like, well, this makes no sense. So I just get off to lighten the load and he still tried to climb

to counterbalance it. And I just like grip the handles and try to lean the other way. But it's not enough. I was like, oh, no. I slowly fall over and I'm like thrown from this jet ski. And it was like deep enough that it was OK. But had we been inland a little bit more, I probably would have hit my head on just the the floor of the ocean.

And then I found out submerged. You fully dunked into the water. And it was so crazy to watch because your body was so stiff because you were again, you were trying to like counterbalance it. But your body was just so like rigor mortis stiff. And you just with the desk, you fall to the side and plunge into the water. And everyone was watching this.

And I was like, I don't understand. No, but the other two guys could have caught the front of it. The other guy behind us could have like stepped in and tried to pull it down. Not one person helped. And then I pop up and there's a man on the other side of the fence who's not on the beach pointing and laughing at me. I was like, I can't. I guess this is not right. And then that child like, get on the beach pointing and laughing at me. And I was like, I can't, this is not right. And then that child's like, get on the jet ski.

And I was like, give me a second. He's like, get on the jet ski. I was like, you have to give me one second. He's like, get on the jet ski. And I was like, I'm just really pissed right now. So if you could just give me a moment. And then the other guy was like, hey, bro, chill out. And it was like, are you okay?

And I was like, finally, that's just what I, I just wanted someone to ask if I was okay. And you okay? And I was like, finally, that's just what I, I just wanted someone to ask if I was okay. And you had asked if I was okay, but I was like, one of these people I don't know needs to ask me if I'm okay. And I was like, I'm fine. We get back on the jet ski, we get back to the weird place.

The guy who owns the company is like, uh-oh, did you get wet? And I was like, who, me? I'm not wet. This isn't water, what do you mean? And I was like, who, me? I'm not wet. This isn't water. What do you mean? He was like, and then later he was like, oh, I was really asking if you got wet. And I was like, I'm soaking wet.

Why did you ask? Because he had been that kid. No idea what happened. He had he was not a part of the calamity that happened. But you were dripping head to toe. He's like, oh, did you get a little wet? Yeah, man. Fully submerged. Oh, angry. And then that child told him what happened.

And then he like kind of yelled at that kid and I was like, good, good. Everything he did was incorrect and bad. And then Mr. Marley was like, oh, that's how it goes. Like, OK, Mr. Marley, thank you. We paid also for like an hour or an hour and a half. Yeah, we did have a solid 45 minutes of glorious fun. Yes. But they are and they're they're just the way they justified. It was like, we don't usually go that far or something like that.

But it's like, yeah, we you should at least have enough gas for the time. We were going to be on the death skis. Yeah. And also tell us how far we could go. It was wild that nobody said we went so far. We went so far. Thank God we were close enough to shore. If we had gotten stranded by that island. Oh, my God. Oh, that would have been bad. So I think we're going to put a pin in the rest of the story

because there's so much. We'll do a part two. Every day. Every day was an adventure. Oh, man. Yeah. We. Yeah. Well, yeah. We'll get to it later. We'll get to it later. That was maybe the first two days. Yeah, I think that was. So that was one to two and a half days.

We were there for six days. So usually we answer questions, but we didn't get to it this episode. But if you would like to ask us a question, we have an email address. It is NicoleAndSashiraGmail.com. We also have a phone number. You can send a text or a voicemail or a voice note, and that's 424-645-7003. We also have merch at Podswag.com slash best friends.

Ooh, guess what? If you like reading, we have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Yeah. All right. All right. Until next time. Until next time.

Oh, I really love the way that you said, until next time. All right, Nicole, until next time. Oh, that got me good. Same place, same time. That's who we are. We release on Wednesdays, right? We sure do.

Yes. Okay, bye bye. Bye.