Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer’s Axe Ricocheted (w/ Big Dipper & Meatball)

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

This week, Nicole and Sasheer are joined by two very special guests and hosts of the podcast Sloppy Seconds, Big Dipper and Meatball! Our host duos discuss the ins and outs of working with your best friend, rumors regarding the cleanliness of restaurant ice, and play an exciting round of Besting Each Other.Episode Quiz: https://www.buzzfeed.com/itztocaviolet/fruit-personality-quizWatch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And doesn't it just look great on the couch? It's also so warm and plush, perfect for movie nights. Shop at macy's.com or in store. This is a headgum podcast. Sashir, we have guests today. Yay! Big Dipper and Meatball are best friends and entertainers who host the popular podcast Sloppy Seconds. Big Dipper is a rapper known for Body Positive Queer Hip Hop.

And Meatball's a drag queen. Live. GRIRIER! Friendship! Hello, Sashir. Hello, Nicole. We have guests. We have guests.

Isn't that fun? It is very fun. And they're our friends. They are our friends. Can you believe? Mm. Mm. We can believe it.

We're your friends. I believe it. I don't know. The mm's really led me to believe that you guys don't think we're friends. I believe what we're friends. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're coming in real hot. I actually interpreted that because sometimes when you're on a podcast, you don't know when it's like your turn to talk.

So I think they were just doing polite we acknowledge, but we don't know if it's our time to jump in. Ah, I get that. But it can be. It can be. Jump on in. Look at all. Hello. Listen, I'm struggling.

I forgot to take my ADHD medicine. Word. I love that journey for you. This is going to be real fun today. And you've had two cups of coffee now. Well, yeah. Sometimes with coffee and my ADHD, it helps me focus. And then sometimes I go the other way.

And I just start running in circles around the house, chasing my cats. Cats doing nothing. Since there's no cats here, I'm hoping it goes the other way. Okay. That I lock in. Oh, it's not the other way. Is there a test for that? For ADHD?

Yeah. Yeah, the internet has a... It's called the internet. It's on your phone. It's at home. It's 5G in the sky. The internet, you Google, like, ADHD tests. Like, I took an autism test on the internet, and it said slightly.

But who is administering it? You actually have to go see, like, a therapist or a psychoanalysis. Yeah, but how do they know? No, Buzzfeed will tell you. Yeah, take a BuzzFeed quiz. I recently saw on TikTok that someone had, like, an autism reveal party where they got their results back from the autism test, and then they threw, like, a big party. And they were like, mildly autistic. And everyone was like, we knew it.

And then I think they, oh, they had the results in a pinata that they broke, and then they spent most of the party putting the results together because it was a puzzle oh that's what it was genius behavior I love it I love it we all have the same feed look at us real friends but also like what if you take the test and it's like no you're good and you're like

but then what is it well then you gotta go to therapy then you gotta go to therapy you have to go to figure it out because you're like something's a foot because you people you just think autism is when you quote movies I think that I have I have a friend who as, like, a very strained.

Like, she could just... Can you quote movies? You're right. I also quote the not famous part of movies. Yes. So I think if you have, like, an encyclopedic knowledge of, like, everything, and I say a word, and you sing a song based on that, or you say a quote based on it, I'm like, something's not right. Don't point at me! They were shooting on Gritchell. Who is it?

Who has it? It's a wild thing I walked in, and I said, I'm the latest a person can be. They were shooting on Griffiths Parkville. And I'm in a movie. They're like Hollywood's back, baby. Yay! Gabby Nusey gave out those tax credits. He's got to do more.

Yeah, do more. Do more. We know you're watching. Don't make us pay to use the streets. Make it free. Free streets. Free the streets. Free the streets.

Or there will be more shootings on Griffith. All right. Well, you're not too. I want to get a gun. You are my most vocally gun enthusiast friend, and I think the least, you're the person you should get along the least. Why? Because you're impulsive. Have you shot a gun?

Have either of you shot a gun? Yeah, I've shot a gun. It made me so horny. It was crazy. It didn't make me horny. Wait, so sure, have you shot a gun? I've only done the clay shooting with like a rifle. ski but yeah that's shooting a gun

I was on a gun range like we were on a private we had shut down the gun range to do this like art project that I was helping produce and so we had the full we had like access to all the guns including the automatic rifles

and all the people were like hey who wants to shoot them like and I was like I will no thank you we didn't even want to feel the power of cold steel in your hands because you fired on bullets, small explosions in your hand.

This is really making you. This is why. Really getting your body worked up for a night of love. I, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I pop top, pop once. And I went with John Milheiser, my old roommate, and the guy checking us in was like, so do any of you have any felonies, like as a joke?

And I was like, actually, I might, I don't know. I've been arrested and I didn't follow up. And all he said was, well, you don't know. Well, you don't sign in it. Your friend can do it. And I was like, I just said I'm a criminal. I truly just said I was a criminal. He said, that's okay.

As you actually said was, you were forgetful. Yeah. You said, I don't know if I'm a criminal. One time I went and some, at the gun range and the guy, they put a person right next to us. And I was like, that's scary. And it was an old guy. And he kept on like, he was learning from someone else. So he kept pulling the gun out and like kind of waving it.

And like his friend would grab his hand and hold it. And I was like, this is how I die. It's like learning to shoot a gun. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking scary. I once got into a car accident, and I was like, this is why I don't have a gun. Because this man got mad at me.

He thought I cut him off. I don't think I did. And then he, like, swerved around me in, like, the median lane, and then tried to, like, cut me off, but ended up clipping me. And then we pulled over, and I got out of my car, and I screamed at him. I said, oh, you think you're a big boy!

You think you're so fucking smart. I was screaming. And then I was like, you did no damage to my car. You have damage and I don't care! And I got in my car and I was like, if I had a gun, I would have shot him. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

See, I don't think if my gun would leave the house. So that wouldn't be an option for me. Oh, are you kidding? I'm getting a tincey, tiny gun. It's going to be purple. I'm putting it in my purse. I was just at a drag show in Atlanta, and a girl had a gun in her purse. Yes. That's how people roll.

Yeah. Conceal care. No one wanted to bring me ribs. That was crazy to be in. There's a gun here, but no ribs. There was a gun, but no ribs. Wait, you were in Atlanta, they didn't bring you any ribs? No, Tammy Brown let me have one of her ribs from the night before,

and it really opened up something in me where I was like, any ribs. Here's the thing. It was actually like really good, a cold rib right off the bone. I'm with you. That's nice. If it's a good rib, cold, a day old, that's nice. That's the best time. Oh, my God.

Have you been to blood so's? Yes, I love blood so's. Oh, God. I almost ordered from them last night. Oh, my God, same. Twinsie! You almost order from them 10 minutes ago. I know, I really was going to order them to the studio.

And I was like, pull it together. So I've decided I'm going to wait until Thursday when I have a day off and I'm going to eat it in bed. Can you mention eating in bed a lot? Yes, it's called bed day. Have we never heard of bed day? I haven't heard of bed day. I have a whole day off. You're exhausted from having to be fun and friendly with everybody at shows and talk to all these people.

And so you just kind of resign to the bed And you lay down a blanket On the bed And you have like a little picnic The food blanket And you have, you know You have a food blanket To catch all the crops

The food blanket You turn on the TV and you just Binge Watch something And maybe you have a cocktail in bed That sounds really nice Maybe it's whiskey But you order food Too much food

Talk about So much food that you feel sick When you're bad And then you can't leave the house And then it's bed day This is a poetic binge and I'm here for it what is your body doing though

I said I was here for it my body doing it's gurgling and grumbling I mean I mean physically like why do you describe how I'm eating nude in my bed I don't know I'm butt-ass naked how I would do it are you laying flat on your back yeah but you take all the decorative pillows

off the bed and then you put a towel over the pillows wait you're naked why is that the part have you never eaten naked you've never eaten naked you've never eating fully nude in the bed? No. See, I'll eat naked not in the bed. If I was you, bed day would be bed slash pool day

and it would be half naked in bed and then I'd go down in the hot tub and really chill out. I help digest. Why half naked? Yeah, why half? I'm sorry, full naked. And which half? Yeah, which half or bottom. It would be top off, bottoms off, baby. Is it weird to eat in bed? Have you

ever enjoyed? Okay, so you're on a trip. You're out at a hotel. Definitely eating a bed, yes. Yes. So it's that. It's that same vibe. I'll eat in bed if I know I'm going to change the sheets tomorrow Yes, it's also, yeah, sheet day is the next day Sheet day

Not laundry day, just sheet day See, I know about sheets And blankets on the sofa all the same day Oh nice, that's smart That's smart See, now we're all coming around A naked bed day I just don't know like

The laying down to me That is hard for digestion Think about like swat What have you ordered ramen? Well, that's not a bedday-friendly food. Well, even ribs. Well, roll over. Roll over and eat it on your tummy.

On your tummy? Yeah. Yeah, you're on your stomach. If I'm doing bed day, I'm eating on my tummy. The weight of your body pushed down on your stomach while you're trying to eat. I'd probably do a side lay. It's side. And, you know, rib, rib in hand, other hand, cradling my head.

That's exactly. Then you can shoot easier. But then sometimes you go belly and then sometimes you're feeling a little frisky. You do a full roll. Like a rib and you're not like a dog. I'm doing belly with a pillow under my chest, and then, like, a little arched to get to the chair. Feet up, kicking back and forth. Having a nice time.

It does so nice. I've eaten a lot of cookies in bed. Oh, I don't like crummy foods. All right, but you're going to eat ribs? Just saucy fucking ribs. I was giving you guys a wonderful idea. We could all do it together. We could FaceTime.

Okay. That's cute. Okay. I would do that We could face something be like We're both in bed Eating ribs

You said both So all four are not invited Gee I don't know how to do a group Facebook She will probably I don't know how to do a group FaceTime First of all I don't know how to do a group face time

It's very simple Well okay so maybe you have to do it Maybe you organize bed day Wait Dipper you are the organizer I know But I'm really fallen I know

I want to go whale watching And I want to get on a boat It's well-watching season now. Oh, it is? They're migrated. Let's do it. It's supposed to be when it's cold, yeah. Okay, fucking get on it.

I will, I promise. Where do we have to meet up? We have to drive not to San Diego, but on the way. Yeah, it's somewhere in like Laguna. You drive, you park in a little beach town, and then they put you on this boat, and you ride the, a lot of the seats on the boat are like saddles. And they have a little bounce to them. So you ride the waves. That's fun.

It was really amazing. We went for my friend Ryan's birthday. Oh, so you could organize that? I will. No, he organized that. That was Ryan's birthday. That's how I learned about it. Well, I didn't know if you were organizing Ryan's birthday, but not our events anymore.

No, no. I believe the last thing that you organized for us. Can you do a break from organizing Ryan's birthday and organize our events, please? No, no, no. I will organize our events again. Actually, when we were talking about, when you were talking about the shooting range and like someone, like, maybe doing an accident, it made me think of one of the activities that we did together, which was Axis throwing and how I threw

an axe so hard that it bounced back towards me. And I was like, I didn't know why was that even a possibility? That was wild. It's wild. It was real it came all the way back. Yes, like I almost hit my toes. I watched a TikTok of someone and they literally caught it. Like it was coming at them and he like... I don't like that. And I was like, okay

because it was fun, but then the idea of like getting my face sliced open maybe no event where we have to sign something being like if we die it's not your fault. Yeah, at your own risk. I would do a high I would do a highrobes course. We were supposed to do a swimming. Remember we were supposed to go to a water park? A water park and then everyone said no because they were all like, I don't want to get a bandaid in my mouth. I don't want to get something for a UTI or infection from the water. Which is a bummer because that's the joy of a water park. The mandates? Yeah, and your hair. A child peeing in the pool and you're like, that's not for me. A child puking near the pool. Oh, that's gross. I remember as a kid one time I threw up in the lake. Ew.

And I was just like, how do you don't clean it up? Did fish not immediately go towards it? I was in a pool. No, in a lake. To eat it. Lake Michigan. Oh, so you're going to be grossed out by the world? No.

This year it was like, did the fish immediately come and eat it with a big smile on her face? Because that's what they would do. Yes, she would eat it. Let her live. They would probably eat it. It's food. I just do better fish. It was cheese curds.

Ew. Were you? Did the cheese curds make you throw up? Or was it like the motion of the lake and like being in the water? We had eaten some cheese curds. And then I was like wave jumping and like water went down my throat. And I was like trying to breathe. Oh, God.

And lake water is disgusting. Right. But I'm just saying that's when I learned like, I was like, what do you do I, how do I clean it up? You just let it. It just belongs to the lake. And then I was like, oh, the world is. full of disgusting things like children's urine in the pool

I one time Nicole I really took you there She's off I really I just I love the ocean so much And to think that it's filled with children's Cheese Curd vomit is really upsetting Oh and so much Dookie

Yeah I used to take poops in the ocean What is the cheese curd The fuck We went to Galveston When I lived in Texas Galveston And you would just pull down your shorts? Well, I had to go real bad, and it was a Christian group trip,

and there was no way to go to the bathroom. So I just kind of just pulled my shorts on and was like, ugh, and pooped in the water. And then went back to play. Nicole, you ever do anything gross? All the time. Say a gross thing. All the time.

Say a gross thing. I've never pooped in the ocean. Too classy. I've never vomited. it in the ocean. You wish. I did put my pants in a hotel room once while I was sleeping.

Oh. And I discovered it when I went to the bathroom. I just had to pee and then poop fell out. I said, what's happening to me? I was really drunk. I was so confused. Oh, you were drunk. That's worse than what we were saying.

What? How dare you? That's worse than anything. No, it's okay. I don't feel bad. I went to pee and poop fell out. What percent of podcasts do you think just talk about pooping? Well, when it's all the time.

It's got to be a high number. I would say probably like 20 percent of all podcasts get to poop. That seems right. Yeah, I wouldn't argue that. I don't think it's all of them. No, not the news ones. But what if the news is about is poop related? News can be poop related

I saw a headline So news That So you know That's news That's news That The ice

I think it was either McDonald's Or one of the fast food chains Has poop particles in it Full of Duky They don't even know how it got there It's because they don't clean the ice machine They don't clean the ice machine Is someone poop in the ice machine

Like while people are washing their hands And then if you go and, like, just wipe it, you're leaving Duky. There used to be a guy. Yeah, I was going to say, in Houston, Texas that had a whole show called slime in the ice machine. His name was Marvin Zindler, and he looked absolutely insane. Marvin Zindler, slime in the ice machine. And he had a whole segment on it. And it was on the news, South News.

And he would go to different fast food restaurants and restaurants and test their machines for having, like, poop particles or, like, dirty ice. Because in Texas, every drink is like all ice and a little bit of liquid. And some of the ice, he'd be like, there was maggots found in the ice machine. And it was like really gross. And that's why I think you don't like ice. Because there's poop in the ice. Maybe, because you don't, you taste the poop. Why would I know what that taste like?

Or the snow. Yeah, why would you? I'm sorry. I did not mean to insinuate that. You eat both. You eat. That's what you do on bed day. I just eat poop.

You guys actually can't FaceTime me while I'm doing that I need a private moment Disquistin Well slime in the ice cream He had the best son Like he would always have blue tinted glasses Oh man just white biggest white hair Was he a journalist or he just convinced the news to give him a segment?

He was a journalist He was like a news guy And then he found his niche It was about slime in the ice machine I like that. And then I think he also was just like a huge like entrepreneur in Houston and would like throw events for like hungry children and so he was like a really good guy. Throw events for hungry. Yeah, he'd be like, hey kids.

Not to raise money. Everyone. Just a party with a bunch of little kids. He said, get in the bed. Everyone half naked. Get in the bed. We're eating in the bag. All right.

Not with the half naked about the kids. Oh my goodness. It was adults too. Oh, it's time to throw it to break. Everybody's right back after this break. Sorry about the poop stuff. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Let's talk about that thing you keep saying you'll do.

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and AMOe.com to play without purchase Ends November 23rd, but bonus play ends November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's. And we're back. I have a question. Oof. Oh, no.

Do you do remember how you met? Yeah. Okay, do you want the real story or the fake story? Both. Because I've heard Dipper's story. I don't think I've heard meatball story. What's the fake story? Yeah, start with the fake story.

Yeah, what's the fake one? Though we met backstage at Precinct. Oh, yeah, which is where I first met Meatball as a drag queen. But the real story is I had a friend who was a big fan of Big Dipper's music. And one time Big Dipper was playing at Fu Bar, which is that bar that doesn't exist in WeHo anymore. That used to do the dick contest. Big Fat Dipper. We're not going to get into it.

Always with the diaper. It's always about the diapies. And he was performing. And so my friend was like, let's go. And then I watched a bunch of music videos of his, like, the night before we were. were like on our way there and I was like oh he's cool let me be nice because he's over there sweating it up at a merch table selling his own merch like let me throw him a couple dollars and I bought a tank top from him and that was the first time I was like I like your music or whatever

or whatever and then the next day he went to the beach and took a photo and wore the tank top and then tagged me in the photo that's nice that was the first time we met and we only found out about that later because I thought the first time we met was backstage of precinct when Meepal was in drag. Oh. But it was when I was actually out doing charity work for the gay community. And the charity work would be buying a shirt. That's what that is.

Which I just thought, I can't find it anymore. Yeah. It probably doesn't fit. Well, hey, hey, hey. Yeah. But, you know, I, because I have that, you know, annoying sort of like workaholism factor in my brain, like when we met, we had, a nice chill conversation

and I immediately the next day DMed him and was like, hey, we should do a podcast together. I think you're great to talk to. We could probably form some... Wait, immediately? Did you guys even vibe? Like, how did you talk backstage? Okay. I had like seen him since then like at other events and I had just

really moved to L.A. I had been coming here a little bit after I left New York. But I was like, okay, I'm planted. I moved here. What parties do you do? I'm going to come to precinct more often. And then the next day I was like, one of my goals is to make a podcast, I think you'd be a great co-hosts. You wouldn't do that.

So our friendship only developed after working together. Wow. We basically worked together for two or three years before I would say we socialize outside the podcast. Wouldn't you say? Yeah, we never really hung out. We would just go and record the podcast and then

in the early days I would edit it and do all that. Oh my God. Remember that? I was doing all the editing. I was just remembering him like participating. in the work clothes that was crazy no no no

but you would I did all the editing because he didn't know how to do it and I was in there taking out all the ums and hands and then eventually I was like

we have to find someone else to do this I need more bed days what was Josh doing? Oh no once we got Josh you would start doing it but the first two episodes

the first two episodes that's so funny and in a couple of two episodes and they were our and they were our and they were our demo episodes

to try to sell it to a network. So who else was gonna fucking edit it? We recorded them all my... Did you have you edit in an episode? No, I should have not. I haven't. Those are... I honestly,

hour long episodes. I wouldn't even know where to begin. What is it? Garage rock band. That's the one. That's exactly what this studio used. Yeah, they use the garage software that comes on the map.

Rock band. Wait, what? Rock band. It's rock band. It's garage band. It's garage. It's actually garage. It's garage hip-hop.

Yeah. Now I think you're lying to me. Why would you do that? It's garage R&B solo singer. But yeah, we would, we recorded like tons of episodes together and then finally one day he was like, do you want to do an activity? And I was like, oh, no. What was the activity? I don't remember.

I think we went to go see a show. Yeah. But I remember hanging out with you off mic was awkward in the beginning. Yeah. Because we like, what would you talk about if you all weren't hanging? We were, so the, our first show, good question. Thank you so much. Come on, journalism.

There's slime in the French. When we first started hanging out, well, so the first bits of the podcast, we had this loose framework of it being a bear podcast. And we basically were trying to interview people and talk about our own experience as like being gay bears, but not feeling. really identified with like Gur-wolf culture which is like such a niche thing. Hair bears. Yes, we were like oh, we're like a way more faggy

we're more artsy, we're more like interested in like a queer identity we just look like bears. We had you on that podcast remember? Yes. We recorded in a big empty warehouse with padded walls and there was a lovely wig man who had made you a wig who had rosy cheeks who was also there. Oh, Tony Medina

Who does Michelle's massage is hair on drag rage? Yes. Bag brash. I can't even speak. Dagreshe. Yeah. Tony, love Tony. Yes.

So we, that's what we would talk about sort of, we talked about ideas. We talked about ideas, not about people. And like life experiences and that sort of thing. And we were basically like always pushing towards this like mission statement. So it was a lot less like, what did we do? See, this is what I guess I stopped doing the workload because I was like, I thought we were just there doing ha ha ha he. But I guess you had a plan, a mission statement, a thesis. Well, journalism.

Yeah, that's what we did. Is it? I thought we were doing ha-haz. But, yeah, that's how it started. Could be both. Yeah, could be both. Sometimes missions have ha-haz. Exactly.

And I actually think that's what most people connect to. I agree. I know you don't like that shit, but I think people do connect to it if it has a heart. Okay Enlarged or not You coming for me because I'm chubby No I'm saying our collective hearts are enlarged Probably

Are you coming for me because I'm chubby How many bed days have I had this month I'm just thinking about my microphone What is that starving I haven't slept in four days Also no one asked you that question And shoving it into your man Not doing wow

I'm literally not doing well. Next question, please. Let's go to break. The way that you responded as if someone asked you that. What are you going to eat later? Chicken tenders. Oh, from pre-sand-a-tendee Tuesday disco party. Have you had Halen-Rays?

Yes, not a big fan. Of the chicken sandwiches there? Yeah, what's wrong with? I don't know. The bread is like always too wet. Oh, you have to get everything on the side. Well, see, I've never, I shouldn't have to ask for that. They should send it to me unorganized and then I get to put it

together. Unorganized. I like my sandwich. Unassembled. Unassembled. Separate. No, I like unorganized. I also get the St. Louis style. What's that one? It's on like a, I don't know, a Texas toast and it's really crisped up. That does sound good. It's really nice. Wait, when you guys started the podcast, podcast, you had been friends.

Did you have a conversation in the early days about what to not talk about publicly? Oh, probably. Or maybe we found it as we were going. Yeah, I think we found it as we were going. Yeah, we never had like a conversation. Yeah, but we would either like edit in the moment be like, actually let's cut that out or after the fact. Be like, hey, I thought about it. Don't love that.

You called Meatball to do your edits. Yes Let me get in there Slice and die Click-de-click-de-click Wait Yeah When that stuff comes up

How do you handle it? You're just quick to be like No, stop or shut it down Okay Yeah, I'd be like that Can we take that out? Yeah And sometimes it happens in the moment

Yeah In the beginning I would also listen to every episode And make sure We didn't say anything That we don't want Because sometimes you just get in a flow state Yeah

You definitely do Getting a flow state Drag her Drag her That's not a bad thing It's just like you're in the moment And then I'll be like, did you want to say that about that person? No.

But sometimes you do have to call people out. Like Air Bungy Fitness and Burbank. Wow. I hate them. What'd they do to you? Ooh, I love it. This is, I think, the third podcast. Bring it up, baby.

Fuck you, Air Bungy. Actually, I would love to go. But just the Burbank location. We haven't talked about it. I guess we haven't. Which is strange. Which is strange because it happened with us. We were on hiatus.

Oh, that's right. This is what happened while we were on hiatus. Yes. We had a whole episode where we couldn't figure out what we had done for six months. We did go to AirBungy Fitness. This is something we did for one day within the six months. Yes. We did it. So we go.

And I had clarifying questions because I was bigger than some of the other people in that class. Yeah. And I was like asking these questions. And she was like kind of short with me. And at one point I was like, so are you supposed to feel the tension on the bungee thing when you run back? And she was like you just have to do it You just have to do it And I was like okay

And then we were doing these like burpee things And I was like I'm having trouble like getting up And she goes okay Well we're all gonna do four And you can do less And I was like which is like not Not even answering the question Like that's not even

Doesn't make sense You just do half of what we do That's not even what you're trying to ask I would expect her to be like here Let's like go through the motion Yeah She wasn't a good instructor She was very very bad

What's her name? I wish I could remember. I wish if I could remember, I would tell. And then at one point she goes, and that's why it's very important to not lie about your weight and then landed on me. Because you have to like write your weight when you check in so they like, I guess, know what kind of bungee's put on. Yeah. But I was like, like, my mouth was agape. And I was like, wait.

Is this happening? And I looked at us this year and I went, did that happen? And she was like, yes. Because, you know, sometimes you're like, I made something up in my head. And I was like, am I? Are you think that could only be on a TV show? Yes. And I didn't lie about my weight.

I gave them 10 extra pounds because I said, I'm not dying in Burbank. Right. No. And then I was just like, I felt crazy. And then afterwards, I guess the owner, she, have you ever seen Crybaby? Yes. Oh, the movie Cry Baby. Hatchet Face.

She looked just like Hatchet Face. She did her makeup in the dark. She said, I won't buy shades that compliment anything I was born with. You won't co-sign that. That's okay. You're a nice. No, I agree. Okay, perfect.

It was sad. Then you know the lady was a. Busted, honey. And then she goes, did you guys have a good time? I said, no, I simply did not. I will not be back. And she said, what happened? I said, well, I tried to ask the instructor for adjustments, and she really wouldn't give them to me.

And she said, that didn't happen. What? And I said, well, now you're just negating my experience. And she's like, no, I'm not. And I was like, and now you're being defensive. And she was like, no, I'm not. I'm defending myself. And I was like, well, if you, the root word, you are being defensive.

And then Sashir said something, I guess, more eloquently. And she went, I understand. And then looked at me and went, I hope that wasn't defensive. And I said, what's wrong with you? Oh, that's that far fun. Have you never been criticized before? That's crazy. It was nuts.

I felt insane. Yeah. Then I ate a muffin and we talked about it. We had to have a muffin decompress moment. Oh, of course. What kind of muffin? I think I got to try. chocolate chip muffin.

Those are my favorite. Have you had one from Portos? No, but I love Porthos. Everything from Porthos. Everything from Porthos. Oh, those little potato balls with the cheese in the middle. The salads at Portos are incredible. I know that is.

Get out of here. Get out of here. You never touched the salad out of here. I just want to like, basically I'm saying everything is so good that even the salads are now. Oh. I thought me. If you want to.

If you want to. I'm not eating. salad. No, no, no. I'm going to get the ham roll. I'm going to get those. Let me unlock this for you. I don't really eat sweets, but poros I'll have a couple little pasties.

Their chocolate, I think it's like the Parisian chocolate cake is so good and moist. That thing is a factory over there. They really. And it's cheap as hell. Yes. Okay. I never ordered, just let me get through the story. I don't like you either.

I never ordered delivery food until. Until the pandemic. I didn't have a... I said, let me give it through the food. In Los Angeles, I didn't have like a app for delivery food until the pandemic. I did it. I sure would order pizza, but I would like call the place or whatever. So Portos is where I popped my cherry, like using Uber Eats and other things like that.

And I was so gobsmacked at like, oh, they take a service service. fee and there's a delivery charge and I want to tip this person and it's a pandemic so I want to tip them a lot of money like all this stuff and I was like if I'm ordering delivery baby I'm getting the menu I'm getting breakfast lunch dinner and lunch again tomorrow and that is how

I discovered the salad because I was like I can't just get 12 sandwiches and three entrees and a whole kitchen soup I throw salad in there yeah so and I was like this thing is incredible anyways Meatball shut down What happened? That was good letting him finish

Good story So highly recommend the salad Have you had their turkey sandwich With candied bacon The candy bacon's on the salad Oh So it's not a real salad What are we doing?

What are we doing? There's greens on it There's lettuce and cheese There's lettuce and cheese They had a ham sandwich I had Brie and like onions And ham And like really grain

mustard, it was so good, and they don't make it anymore. Oh. Dang. Every time I drive by, I'm like, maybe one day. Maybe one day. I just wanted to ask for it. Maybe it's like off menu. Yeah, maybe it's off menu.

A lot of times they still have the ingredients at places. Yes, and they can make it for you. I'll do that. In high school, my favorite Jamba Juice smoothie was off menu. What was it? Can't remember. Orchards Oasis. Oh.

It was like a blueberry sort of assaye type teas. And my friend who used to work at Jamba Juice was like, this one's good, but They took it off the menu, but all the ingredients are still there. I always got the peanut butter one. That's okay. So there's a planet smoothie in... It's hard to drink. What was it?

In Penn Station that had a peanut butter banana smoothie. Yeah. Or maybe it was just... Maybe there was no bananas. Maybe it was just chocolate. I don't... It was like chocolate and peanut butter, but it was so good. It's so good.

And it was specifically from the Penn Station Planet smoothie. I wonder if it still exists. Probably not. There's a lot that goes on to that. Every time I go back to New York, everything is different. It's crazy. And it'll be like six months apart. And I'll be like, oh, everything's changed in the East Coast.

I think Penn Station is now a different name. I don't think that's true. Are you sure? Freedom Station. Are you talking about the Amtrak's? You're talking about? Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the Monaghan.

Monaghan. Yes. That's for crazy. That's for Amtrak, though. You go underneath, but Penn Station still does. They're also connected. Yeah. You can walk underground in New York City for miles.

Yeah. Some people live under. The rats and the mole people. Have you ever seen the documentary about the mole people? No, I've never. There's a documentary about the mole people? Yeah. Don't they just live in like the old subway stations that are unused?

Yeah, and they haven't seen the latter day. Wow. Have children been born down there? Yes, probably. And their eyes are probably so adjusted to the dark. They're like rats. That's why they're called mole people. Google it.

That's journalism. Google mole people. The news. The news. Bipipipipipip. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, my God. Imagine, okay, have you guys seen the movie Blast from the Past?

Yes. No. A mole person coming up would be like blast from the past. Yes. And it's Brendan Frazier. Brendan Frazier. And he's a Cavesman. And he comes, no, not caveman.

No. He was kept underground in a bunker with his parents. Because his daddy, Christopher Walken and his mommy, Sissy Space Act, thought that the Cold War was going to have a meteor or something or a big bomb that was going to take out their house. So he built a bunker underneath the house. And then an airplane crashed into their house. and they thought it was like a bomb or whatever from the war.

So they went downstairs into the bunker underground. And then they stayed there because the locks were for, I think, 30 years. And then after 30 years, they went up. And he comes out and America exists like normal. Oh, wow. Like normal. And he sees a black male lady and he goes, oh, my lucky star is a Negro. And I still think it's really funny.

Wow, nobody laughed. We should take a break. Hey, we'll be right back after this break. I want to be in charge of that. I want to be in charge of that. You got it. You got it. We're back. We had a bunch of things to ask you.

Go for it. Should we play besting each other? Yeah. Uh-oh. She plays that every day. What's this game? It's called besting each other Where we ask best friends in the group

About the other best friend First up We keep going Say your joke We'd have to get a best friend in here for me Oh my goodness Boom Don't really don't like it when I'm mean to be different

Every time you all have both been on the podcast separately or something I'll say something and you're like Do you guys really talk to you about that? You'll leave the room and be like, wait, you don't actually speak to each other like that. Well, I was like, yeah, we do. We don't mean to that bitch. Here's the thing. I love friendship.

I watched Shawshank Redemption last night and cried at the end. I've seen it. It's a good film. So many times. I texted Nicole after watching the John Wick documentary, and I was like, it's all about friendship. Didn't know. I thought it was all about guns. No, it's about friendship.

But it's also about friendship. The movie, it's a friendship. The documentary is about the films, or are you calling John Wick a documentary? Sorry, I just don't know. You know, the four-part documentary is following the thing. The documentary is about the production of John Wick. Yes, where Eva Longoria stepped in and saved the movie. She financed the first John Wick movie.

She did. She used to Cause? I guess Well she probably wanted to invest in something And then this came up Kianu was like

Invest in me He didn't know that That was a good Kianu Thank you Put it on an audition tape Get on us and out I've only auditioned I think maybe three times

In my life You go on auditions a lot Yeah I do a lot of auditions I bomb them hard If I'm gonna bomb Baby we're going down burning I'm trying to get them Laughing nothing

Well they don't laugh in room and leave your guns at home leave your guns at home no the last time I auditioned for something like legit I was auditioning for like a little bit part on shrill when that was happening and it was like to be a cabaret performer and they wanted someone to like sing a song

sort of poignantly but then but then our friend Lauren was like no do what you do well that's why they asked you to do it. I had a friend and Lauren was leading you astray. Yeah, I had a friend in the writer's room and they were like,

do what you do well. She was like, they wouldn't have asked you to audition if they didn't want you to be what you are. So I then like wrapped the song and stripped while I did it, which is what I do at my live shows.

How naked did you get in that strip? I was wearing a speedo and a t-shirt and overall. So I was able to unclipped the overalls and they could drop and then I like pulled the shirt off and then I was in a speedo, which I was like,

is inappropriate in an audition room? What was the song about? It was a beach boy's cover. So it was about love and friendship and the sunset on the beach. I love that. But you were rapping it. Yes.

And the thing that I didn't, they were shorts. And the thing that I didn't, so they were baby shaped but adult size, the thing that I didn't take into account is they had me loved up because they were filming it. So when I took the overalls off,

the lov wire sort of went everywhere, and then I kicked them off, and the mic pack flew, like, almost hitting the guy who was, like, running the audition. It was a disaster. I love it. And you booked it.

Nope. I love that story. Okay. Let's... Were you embarrassed at all? Do you get embarrassed? Mortified. Oh, okay.

Anxious, embarrassed. mortified, all those things. Happened to me all the time. I get embarrassed. I feel like you don't get embarrassed. Well, you don't do anything embarrassing. No, you're so, like, self-assured. Thank you so much.

Hmm, do I get embarrassed? The fact that you even ask this question? If you have to think about it? Shut up. Yeah, you don't think you do anything embarrassing. Yeah. I do get anxious for sure. Like, oh, did I say something that I shouldn't have said or, I don't know.

Was that stupid? but not like, I don't, yeah, I guess I'm not doing things I consider embarrassing. I do shit like, I embarrass myself every day. One time I got booked to do a birthday party. No, it was a college gig, and they gave me the address. And so I parked down the street, and I'm walking over there, and I see a house with balloons. It's like, this must be it. And I walk in, and it's a children's birthday party.

And I was like, these college kids are young. And so I turn to the mom, and I just go, okay, where do I set up? And she was like, you're not supposed to be here. and I walked out and I walked down like two more doors and it was like all these kids throwing a rager and drinking in a backyard and I was like oh this is where I'm supposed to be like I was how in drag were you full like I was like if you were in half drag that would be way no way it's even worse sometimes because I'll show up and just like like boy clothes but my body on and full makeup and no wig this time I like glued my wig on in the car because I was like I don't know what the situation is going to be so I was in full drag that's funny that's funny I went to a party on Saturday day and I was wearing leopard print overalls and I was walking down sunset and there was a group of girls in leopard print but I didn't clock that and this girl looked at me

and she's like here for the party and I was like oh yeah Jess's party and she went no we're all wearing leopard print and I was like I guess I'm the idiot and I was so embarrassed for like for an hour or two I was like why did I think

I don't know her why did I think she knew Jess anyway you could have got God it's that easy Hot, pop, pot! Wow, Sishir, you've been waiting to say that. What do you mean? Because I said that you would get God real easily when you followed that man that one time. But that's not why I said that.

I just said that because she said here for the party and you're like, yeah, you're going to go with her. See, I thought you were hiding it in your heart and you were waiting for a moment to say. I didn't even remember what you just, that moment you just said. Remember that man said looking good, wants some breakfast? Now I would follow. Wait a minute. I would follow anybody. Was candy bacon involved?

Looking good. Want some breakfast? What's the breakfast at Porthos? What was the breakfast? Where was there? Potato balls. We were going to a meeting and there was like breakfast for the staff. Well, that's why you're both going to get gone.

Okay. Breakfast. Okay. First question. That would work on me. Down. Let's skip that one. Insert any meal.

It would work on me. What's your favorite memory of traveling together? So you write it on your board and then we're going to work on me. reveal and see how close you are to each other. Ooh. I write really slow. Dipper. Yes.

Let's see what you wrote. I wrote a costing silky nutmeg ganache in the Delta Lounge in Atlanta together. I forgot I did that. In which we pulled out our recorder and made her do an impromptu interview on our podcast. That's really funny. Now I would never do that. Really? I would do it.

At that moment, I was like, is that soaking not my ganache in the fucking Delta Lounge? Let's get her, girl. And I like ran up to her. Yeah, we sat down with our plate of cheeses and interviewed. And she, like, didn't know who we were, but she, like, went away. That's not true. I don't think she knew who we were. That's really funny.

Well, I put strippers in Atlanta. I saw some of the oldest titties I've ever seen in my life in Atlanta. 70-year-old stripper just leg spread, grabbing her nippies like this and shaking them. Torpedo titties. Oh, that's fun. But, yeah, both that we had the same trip. It was the same trip we've had. I didn't think we had fun in New York.

I think Tokyo was great. Oh, Tokyo was actually amazing. Was it all business stuff or fun? All business. You don't ever hear. Have fun? We're not going to the Bahamas and having a good time. We're not doing something like that.

Wow. Also, it's because he's always busy. And if I were to be like, let's go to Palm Springs for the weekend. And he'd be like, I can't. Or, like when we were in Tokyo, when we had a full week, and I had to spend every morning alone because he was like, I have to work. No, no. And he was clickety, clackety, clicky, clackety on his laptop all goddamn day.

And I was out here going, well, I guess I'm going to try the local fair. You let me get on the train and ride around Tokyo alone. Oh, so you're mad. You had a solo beautiful experience in Japan. See how he turns it on me, too? To make it seem like it's my problem? I would wake up. Did you see Lost in Translation?

Yeah, incredible. Never seen that. Scarjo. You were Scarjo. You were Scarjo, lonely, sad, waiting for your husband. Tim Burton. Wait, who's the other man in that movie? It was Bill Murray.

Bill Murray. Yeah, you're giving him very Bill Murray. A director. You would text me. I would text you at like 10.30 in the morning and be like, good morning. What should we do about breakfast? And you've been like, I've been up. I had three meals.

I took 10 walks. Like, you, you. I took 10 walks. The crazy. We would be up until 3 in the morning. You would sleep for no time. I would get up and I'd be like, I'm in Japan. Sleep is for losers.

I'm older than you. And then also everything in Japan doesn't really open until 11. So I was like really. Wait, really? That's why she took 10 walks. Japan is going to be for me. Things are open until 11? Yeah.

Oh, I love that. And then the clubs are open until 5 a.m. Wow. That's fun. And so. Why isn't it like that everywhere? Why do we close so early here and start so early here? I don't know.

Veganism. Huh? Journalism. The health vibe. I think the people want to be healthy here in California. Last time I was in New York, everything was closed at 10 o'clock. And I was like, I used to remember when this city was open until 2. You can walk around anywhere.

Not till 2. I'd be out till like 5. But the restaurants and things would be open. Like if I was in the club and I was like, time for a snack. Yes, you could go get a snack. I would like, there was something to do. Yeah. I blame the church.

I think I blame COVID. I was going to say it. Oh, COVID really did. Because they were like, we got to close early so the virus doesn't come out at midnight. I don't know. But don't worry. We're going to put restaurants on the streets. You want to be closer to the rats.

Do you remember? They were like, it's a la fresca. And I was like, what a pretty name for eating in the fucking street. In the sewage smell. The garbage. Not for me. Okay. What is your favorite thing about each other?

I like the little smiles as you guys, right? I can't tell if that's because it's a genuine Nice thing Something real mean Yeah Again Dipper's done first Yes

She said she writes slow Mine is that Meatball is funny Oh I like that Oh You erase something What was just remember before What?

It was like a lot of erase marks I was like what was it first Wow Funny looking I didn't see it That's funny That's a joke Me too

That's a joke Where's the little spinner on the top of your hat I asked you Hat with a brim Hat without a brim Yeah because she's praying on my downfall Hey That's not a backwards hat

No just no brim I like it Doesn't look great on him? Yes This is it So genuine and nice I told you to put it because it looked better than the hat with the brough.

Okay, well, there it is. Thank you. No, meatball is funny all the time. No matter what, always can make people laugh, good in every situation. I do, not to make it serious. Never mind, keep going. Do it, make it serious. I'm just going to say I get in my head a lot.

I have a lot of, like, anxiety, whether I think to call it that or not, my brain drifts a lot because I'm managing so many projects in my head. And so sometimes we'll be, like, trying to, like, represent ourselves or, like, be in gratiating to like a venue where we want to do a show or like pitch a party or do something and like sometimes I get really weird or awkward and meet paul is always there to be funny oh yeah I do do all the talking when we're at those things it's very charming I love that I wrote that he does all the work and the planning and he answers my emails and that's important that is important that's so nice without him we wouldn't without him I don't think I'd be getting like half the opportunities that I've gotten because I'm too lazy or don't want to plan things. Or sometimes they'll email her on a bed day. Yeah, it'll be a bed day and I'll be like, I'm not doing this. Or they'll email him and be like, hey, how can we get in contact with me fall?

And he's like, just tell me what you need. And so instead of like a long email that I have to read with details, he'll just be like, this is the date, this is what they want, do you want to do it? And I'm like, yeah, okay. So it's easier that way. That's a good balance. That is nice. So she reads all emails.

I do. That's crazy business. I like it. I do too. See, I like the front-facing thing I like getting there and then doing it with the people I hate all the planning that goes into it And that's it

But you also get mad when things don't go the way you want them Same So the planning has to happen So having a paramoor Who can do that for you Why would you use a word like that? I know paramour is a band What do you mean by that?

Wake me up inside! I was trying to impress this issue Wake me up and save me! Okay. Amy Joe, that's her name? No, that's Evan Essence. Yeah. Paramore is Hayley Williams. But they sang an Evanesson song.

Hall of John Osmond. Yes, Haley-Williams. If you could guess, what is each other's favorite thing about you? Oh. Hmm. Like Dipper, what do you think Meatball's favorite thing is about you? Meatball. What do you think Dipper's favorite thing is about you?

It's a brain cruncher. Oh, yeah. It's good. Thank you. Call my name and save me from the dark. Wake me up! That's my favorite karaoke song to do with you. It's so hard to do.

Yeah. You know what's funny? Tell me. In learning how to sing, when you hit the note, It's so satisfying. There. You're taking voice lessons? Yes.

Is she going to be a songstress? You're going to Broadway? I'm trying. I'm genuinely trying to learn how to sing because I do want to be on Broadway. That's amazing. I see it for you. Yeah, I see it too. And I think that you are a good singer.

I think you just don't trust yourself. I don't. And I have a hard time hearing the notes. You should ask them for an in-year then when you're on. Yeah, a little wireless transmitter where they plunk the, your melody right here. You know how you sound awesome when you're singing along

with someone who's singing the melody but when you're left to your own devices you're not singing the melody? They can help you out. Interesting. They can tell you what to sing. Oh. Also my issue is staying on key.

It's hard. Like the do-bo-d-do-do-do-do-d-d-d-d- It's hard. Anyway. I call it riffs. I call it rift. What would Willem say? It was like something about like me trying to find a note.

I can't remember, but I cannot find it for the, alive of me. It's tough. Sometimes you're looking, and it's never to be found. What's your answer? I said, he likes that I'm always on time and willing to work, and I definitely answer phone calls.

The first two. Because I'll show up, and I'll be in a mood, but the minute it's time to start working, girl, I'll do the work. I will do the work. And with a smile on my face and the idea of ribs in my mind. I wrote Dependable, question mark.

Money? But then I also roll money because sometimes you have expensive taste. You don't necessarily have a lot of people in your life who can join you on those things. That's true. But I will do those things with you. I love my rich friend. Which feels crazy to say that. That's a crazy thing to say out of that.

Wait, what are some of the expensive things that you're doing? I love to just do like little trips or something. Or like when we went to Tokyo, I was like, I want to stay. an extra four or five days, will you do that? And he was like, yeah, I can afford that. Or like some things that we, some shows that we want to go see. Yeah, it does feel crazy. We're talking about like, oh, like we can be like, Beyonce, let's go spend money on

Beyonce, hey, we want to see a show in New York. Let's buy a ticket and stay in a hotel and do that. And I will only say this. Or like, yeah, let's go to Vegas for a weekend and film some stuff. And, like, we'll budget it so that we're paying for all of it. The reason we can do it is because of the podcast. Yeah. So that felt a little gauche to say it like that, but we're a part of each other's success.

And now I'm trying to convince him to buy a house out in Palm Springs with me so we can be neighbors. I like that. Do it. Why we don't vacation together socially too much is because we both do a lot of sex on our vacation. Oh, we'd be fucking. And so we don't want to do that. I don't want to see that. We one time did an event together.

Oh, is a naked event? It was a nude event. So everyone in the swimming pool was nude. I was in full drag. And I was in a thongy thong. And we were interviewing a porn star naked. And so it was just like very funny because then at the end of it, I was like, I got out of drag immediately. And I was like, if I see you in the dark rooms, it's over.

And I just went and closed the door. He went to bed and I was like out until 3 a.m. And we were having a planning meet. We were at a nude, nude, a clothing optional gay hotel. With grounds you can sort of like walk around. and everyone kind of leaves their door open, swang in. And we were having like a pre-show check-in where we were deciding what we were going to do.

And we're sitting on the bed. Meepaul's like laying out on the bed. Eat the pile of red. And we're sitting there talking and this very hot guy that sort of catches my eye through the door and strolls up. And he's naked like with his dick out. And he's like, going on and I was like oh we're um having a meeting

didn't invite him in yes because he like came towards and then you were the reveal or like he's gonna see me and then he saw me and I go come on it and she's like hello oh yeah nice hello how are you what's your name what are you doing how long he is staying for and Dipper was like what are you doing? I was like let's finish our meeting maybe you can leave and I can you

know, hang out with this man. But it was also like, I guess we're just having a meeting in front of a naked guy. It was pretty wild. It's good to have boundaries. Oh, about not doing... About not like, you don't vacation together because you all want to fuck. But also, I think

I think having friends with the same monetary means is an important conversation that nobody really talks about because for whatever reason in this culture, it's like, it's rude to talk about money, but it's like, no, it's not. Can you afford to go on this trip? Don't front like you can.

Yes, and how shitty would it be if you can't afford it and you push yourself to do it and then you're miserable or in debt or like whatever. Or the whole time you're like, I actually can't afford to do that so I'm just going to stay at the resort. Yeah, so you're not enjoying it together. I wanted you to come with me. I'll pay for you. And then they're like, no, don't. Because that happened to me once where I literally was just paying for someone to be on vacation with me.

Oh, it sucks. Well, it didn't suck, but it was just. kind of like they kept on feeling bad about it. Or you're like, had I known. If I offer, it is fine. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do this. But yeah, I think it's important to talk

about it. Yeah, so get out there and only be friends with people who make the exact same amount of money as you. Yep, when you accept your friendship applications, get those tax returns. Yeah, show me your bank account. First date.

See, she's not even embarrassed for whatever that was that you just said. She really doesn't get embarrassed. So she was really encouraging sometimes. It's cool. And if I say something too wild, she'll go, and what do you think that meant? Or something very kind.

Although, I'll tell you later. No, do it now. Love when that happens on a podcast. Is it about me? Oh, no. She's going to cry. She's starting to cry. It's happening.

Yes, she loves you so much. She set herself up. Oh, Nicole. I can't tell what direction. Sad. I'm laughing. Okay, do you remember? Okay, we were in a pitch

and we were like riffing on something and I said I guess this bee has one more strength than you. I really, I didn't understand that. And you just leaned back and went, what? And it made me laugh so hard

because I was like, usually I just accept it. I'm like, okay. Usually you try to. understand or accept it, but you literally leap back and went, what? I don't understand this. In a bitch meeting?

Yeah. Does the number of stripes on a B mean anything? Yeah, the more stripes you have, the better you are? That was my thought process. No, that's your meaning. But in the world at large, no. Oh, okay, work. No, I had made something wild up.

And I was so proud of myself. And she leaned back, I said, what? Because I think sometimes you'll say something that, like, it feels like it could be an. non-sequitur, because we've been around each other for so long, I can kind of see the math that happened to get there. But this was a rare moment where I was like, I don't even know where this came from,

what you could be trying to say. It worked, though. They laughed. I think they just really like the dynamic. What? She leaned away. I'm not going on that journey with you, me. Do a different thing.

Say something else. Give me something else. I want something else. Turn the wig around. But it is wild when I can stump you or confuse you because it happens so infrequently. And when it does, it's real big. It's really funny.

Full of surprises. Okay. Of the two of you, who do you think would do better in the long-running CBS television series Survivor? Oh. Neapol? I said, Me.

Oh, why? I'm an Eagle Scout, and I've been camping before. I know how to start a fire and shoot a gun. Wow, wow, wow. Because, you know, notoriously on Survivor, they give you a gun. I don't know. You get to make something home. Do you, can you really have?

I wonder if anyone's brought a gun. No, probably not. But I feel like I know how to fish. Yeah, they're like, I'll show you Survivor. Everyone else's gone. That's so funny. It's like, what did you bring from? Oh, my gun.

My gun. That's really funny. And I know how to forage for food and what to eat and what not to eat. You know how to forage for food? Eagle Scout. I know what food is edible. I know how to forge through a pantry for food. Like a little bear.

I wrote, neither. Oh, no. You don't believe in me? No, I do know you're an Eagle Scout, but, like, you know you can't do a bed day on Survivor. Frankly, I think you can. Yes, you can. I think a lot of them do. A lot of hours where you're just doing nothing.

They have no energy because they're like not eating any food or anything. So most of the show is like literally two hours of their day. We would have a leg up. Because I got a lot of fat, but I got stored up. That's right. To burn off. Like a cat. That's why I think Richard hatched so well back in season one.

Wasn't he also villainous? Yes, he was awful. He would make everyone do all the work. Isn't that crazy? Oops. That's a crazy amount of money not to pay taxes on. A million dollars? I wouldn't want to.

I wouldn't want to either because you're going to walk away with, what, like, $650,000, $700,000. Taxes are really expensive. Yeah. I know that's true. I don't know. Do you not pay your taxes? I do. I do.

I do. Do you do it? Do you do it for them? I don't do them, no. Last question. Last question. What do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now? Oh, I know the answer to this one.

The year is 2,000. That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. What do you think is going to happen in 2045? Well, just be in Waymo's... Will we be here? Huh. Will the world be here?

Oh. Will the country be here? Oh, Differ has got a lot. Oh. I know, can I... When you turn it around, can I say what it is without looking? Yeah. That's fine.

Ready? Uh-huh. Dead! Was that right? Yeah. And you, yeah, you did it with the exclamation point. Dipper, what's yours? Meatball, do you think you know?

Also, Meeple, how do you think you're going to die? Probably motorcycle accident or something. Cocaine binge? No, I don't do drugs anymore. Right, you would binge on that one night and then get on a motorcycle. Oh, my God. And then just drive into the sunset. I don't, oh, what would Dippers be?

Probably like producing a TV show or something. something. Sure. I wrote owning a big gay business. Yeah. It's still friends. I like that. Or morning, my friend. Like looking up videos on YouTube from when we were alive. We really did want to open up like a gay resort together. I think that we would be very good at that.

We talked about this numerous times. You wanted to make it a sex club. It should have a sex club option. If it is a gay resort. I think it should be like a hotel where you can like stay. I think we could still do it. And yeah, I want to... And all the bungee cords would... I think it's possible. And the bungee cords would hold all weights.

That's right. You know what? I hate events where it's like weight, weight limits. I don't like it. I understand why, because I one time went into one of those, what is it? Zipline? No, it's like a room where they try to make you feel like... Fake skydiving.

And there's a 250-pound weight limit. And so I was like right at it. And now I understand why, because I was barely floating. And I was also so hung over that I did shit my pants in their jumpsuit. It all comes back to the... And that's why there's a weight limit. They're like, we don't want another fatty shitting in this school. That's your nickname.

We went to Mexico and there was a zip line. And I was like, what's the weight limit? And the man looked at me, he went, I think you'll be fine. I was like, well, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. And then a very big man got stuck halfway. there. And I think if you like composite our bodies, yeah, we probably

waved the same. And they helped him, but they laughed at him before helping him. And I was like, I'm glad I didn't do that. How do they help you when you're stuck in the middle of a zip on? Someone comes towards you, like. Oh. And then they hook you, right? And they hook you and then they bring you back. It was humiliating.

I saw someone get stuck on the one in Las Vegas on that strip and you like fly over Fremont Street or whatever. But they are smart enough to have it like linked up to like a string already. The person got stuck and they just like wheeled. But I was with a friend and he really wanted to do it.

And I was like, I cannot promise you that I will do that. What about those ones in the jungle that like look like they're, oh, you're just like 100 feet up? 300 yards long. I've done one of those. It was cool. And you're on it for what? Five minutes.

It was maybe more. It was like a really long time. It was just trees. It was scary though because it is like you're completely horizontal. like Superman pose kind of and you just like head first and I was like I don't love that my head's the first thing going down I don't like that and like how do you slow it down

for that one you don't you were like it was like a kind of like a little pocket and then you like lay face down like you would on a bed and then they put like sandbags on top of you like little weights to like secure you I need to be strapped buckled belted double strapped to something else

Yeah, I mean, we were strapped in, too, but just, like, I couldn't, like, take an arm out and, like, grab anything. Oh, that's good, though. Yeah, I was just, like, truly, like, a burrito. That would make me so, like, so claustrophobic, so crazy. Yeah. There's weight limits on trampolines, and I don't think that's necessary. Have you ever seen someone go right through? No.

Wait, yes, I have seen. But, like, usually, like, an outdoor one that's, like, probably dry-rodded. Yeah. But, like, I've never seen anyone go through a trampoline, like, in a place. I like one of those jump parts. Maybe it's because like once they bounce on it, they have velocity. Oh, maybe. Because they're only so high off the ground, like a weight limit.

Oh. Okay, maybe. And then some polls. Yeah. Oh, DDS. Sometimes poll studios, that's a dentist. Oh. They know science.

Sometimes pole studios will have a weight limit and there shouldn't be. Because it should be secure for everybody. Yeah, and it's, because if it's not secure for, say, a 600-pound person, that means it's not secure for a 50-pound person. Right. Because it's, like, the velocity of the spinning around the pole, which is what would take a pole out. Isn't that interesting? That is interesting.

Yeah. Also a scientist. I know precincts put a pole up, and they have it, like, bolted into the ceiling. So there's, like, no chance of anyone's going on. Yeah, that truly means any weight can get on that. Because if you are 600 pounds, you're not going to be able to spin around. Okay. That's right.

So I can't get on the pole. Yeah, you can get on it. The morning, no. Go down to Chicken Tending Tuesdays and pop that fang. Pop that pussy on the pole, baby. Well, you two silly billies. No, you too silly billy. We've reached the end.

Yeah, I got to drive to San Diego. I got to go get and drag. Is there anything you want to plug? Yeah. This. Okay. Yeah, our podcast that we do together is called Sloppy Seconds, and we just launched a new YouTube channel. So you can find all our new YouTube content at YouTube.com slash at Sloppy Second Show.

And don't let that double S confuse you. It's in there. YouTube now has the at symbol. I didn't know. I didn't know that either. I didn't either. And neither did our audience. I keep on being like, it doesn't exist.

Like, there are thousands of people subscribe. Wait, if you just, like, put it in the search, it doesn't just pop up. No, you have to use the app now. For the brand new channel. Okay. But anyway. It's brand new. That's why.

And then you can catch me every third Friday at Precinct for my show Fat Slut. Also, keep an eye on my Instagram because I travel the party and it goes places. And it's a very fun party. It's a good time. Yeah, it's a great time. And I also host an adult sexual. Escapade It's a sex party.

It's a fuck party, bitch. Called Drain Your Nut. So if that is of interest to you, check that out. And you'll never see me working it. And you'll never see me working it either. He won't let me go. He won't let me work it. Well, it's got to separate it.

Thank you. Who side are you on? The truth. The truth. I'm sewn on the side of the truth. You're a journalist. This is the news. And thank you for tuning.

Before we leave, do either of you have something you want to leave listeners and viewers with about friendship. Oh. Something I've never asked anyone before. Yeah. Hey, sometimes friendships go up and down on a rocky road. Which one's my camera? And you have to nurture them.

And sometimes nurturing them means not answering phone calls for a few days. And then the next time you see each other, it's like you're brand new friends again. So ignore your friends until you want to. I love it. That's my message. I think that friendship is way more important than a lot of us give it, like, credit or thought to. You know, like, it's easy to take your friends for granted, especially if you're, like, a social or bubbly person. We are constantly doing events or personalities, so we're, like, surrounded by people.

But remember that really sad birthday party I had? Mm-hmm. I was there, though. as a friend. And how many people were there? About four. Yes. And I think you commented and you were like, is that a party?

There was some relation to Nicole, right? This is awful. Yeah. Constantly are like, do you remember when you did that awful thing? And I'm like, no. Well, okay, this is going to sound even worse. Which sad birthday party are you talking about? Was it?

The other one was. The thing is. There was one that was public and there was one that was private. I'm talking about the private one It was two different years I know the private one That was a nice one Yes so we just

It was like four people And we had a nice dinner And like you know Just when there was five other There was six of us Don't sell yourself Okay When you see the people

On the Instagram Having the huge Whatever pool party And the hundred friends And the whatever Whatever don't let that Make you think That your four or five

close friends are less valuable than the person. I would say, yeah. You know what I mean? I think three or four actually close friends that know you is better than having like 30 friends that barely care about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, definitely.

So I value my close relationships, and it takes a lot to get in the inner sanctum. I like that. Of sorrows. You really think my life is sad. No, I don't think your life is sad. I think you're sad. You have a wonderful life

She's excited because I have a new therapist And he's mean to me Yeah, baby He really put him in his place What do you mean mean to you? Let him have He's just saying things I've been saying for years to him Oh my God

Is it just meatball? No No way It's a mustache You're like I have to go meet with my therapist And I'm like Ooh I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go

This is downfire Well thank you so much for coming Thanks for having us What a wonderful afternoon. And we will go do an activity soon. I've already forgotten what we decided it would be. Excellent. Whale watching?

Whale watching? I just want you all to know. Meatball said it's like Mrs. Doubtfire. So she was like, thank you for being here. And I just went, hello. Oh, hello. Whale watching and I'll bring the gun. Pop, ba, blah, pop, pop, pop, pop.

I want that flubber. No. Wait, is Flubber what they have? Flubber is that a movie. That's the green. They have blubber. Blubber. But that is also a Robin Williams movie, right?

It is. And how about Pierce Brosden and Mrs. Outfire? Ooh. A drive-by-fruiting. A drive-by-thruiting. He was so hairy in that. He was very hairy. All right.

Bye. That was a hate gum podcast. That was a HeadGum podcast.