Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer’s Kinda Ice Cream

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Description: Oooh wee, we’re back with another episode! Nicole brings in the most fabulous pair of sunglasses to ever enter the studio for an impromptu fashion show with Sasheer. They also take a moment to Fosse, which is good for the soul, and chat about how Nicole can’t get a smaller car if she’s going to keep offering rides to everyone. They also take a wild Buzzfeed quiz about what kind of bear they are, check it out below: See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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slash best friends. This is a headgum podcast. Hello, Sashir. Hello, Nicole. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Ooh, we, I'm good.

Ew, we. Mm, yes. I have this pair of sunglasses that you and Mateo hate in a way that I was not prepared for. And I think we've talked about this. We must have. I don't know if I've ever brought the sunglasses in. Probably not. No.

But I put them on. Mm-hmm. So to set the scene, we're at the dream hotel in New York City. And I think 56 between 7th and Broadway. And it's where I lived when I was shooting Girl Code. And I was like, you guys, you guys were just like on my bed, he he, ha, ha. I was like, you guys, I got new sunglasses. And I turned my whole body.

And when I turned around, you guys were like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh. I think we really were. We really weren't ready for the reveal. Because, yeah, you really hyped him up. And you turned around, put them on, turned back to us. And we were just like... And I have them. I'm so glad.

Okay, get ready. Okay. This is what I did. Mm-hmm. I think it's also the way you turned. Because you are so excited about these glasses. So when you turn... It's the excitement on your face, like, but then also the glasses.

They are these translucent, all purple glasses with really big white stones around the frame. And honestly, nothing could have prepared me for that reveal years ago. And every time I see them, they are cool glasses. And they do fit your style. But I just think I really wasn't ready. And I went from, I'm a rather emotional person. I ran through so many emotions. I went from happy to, like, scared.

I was like, wait, do you guys hate them? Do you hate them? Are they bad? Do we hate them? We just were shocked. We were not ready for them. I love them. They are my second pair of these glasses because the original pair of the rhinestones fell out.

And I was still rocking them. I was like, whatever. Maybe I'll make it to Michaels and get some new rhinestones and glue them in, and I never did. Yeah. But then I found these on Deep Hop for a fine price. Thank God. And now I have two pairs now. I'm so glad.

And I love them. I was wearing a loud outfit, and I was shopping at a CVS, and this old lady was just staring at me. And I was like, hmm, maybe she wishes she was more fun. Probably. Or maybe she thinks I look like a freak. That's also a possibility. I don't know. Either way.

I'm having a nice time. But probably more fun. Probably she's like, whoa, I wish I could do that. And you can. Anybody can. Anybody can. Just have fun. Just have fun.

You know what also throws me about the glasses? Is that the lens is the exact same color as the frame. There is no differentiation. But... I think if the lens was darker or any other color, it wouldn't be so jarring. This is all purple. Yep.

And I sent a picture a selfie of me wearing the glasses to you and Matteo. And I was like, thinking of you divas. And Mateo was like, this is the first thing I saw after getting off the Broadway stage. And that tickled me so hard that he was like, wow, got a standing ovation, hit the high note. And I'm like, diva! The glasses are back! Let's talk about Mateo. Yes.

We've gotten to see three friends on Broadway. Yes. And it is so cool. It's very cool. Oh, we saw Bobin Lerun Rouge. We saw Harvey Gine in Rocky Horror. And then Mateo in Chicago. Yeah.

It's cool. It's so cool. The coolest thing is, since we're friends of these people, we get to go on the stage. Every time I go on a Broadway stage, I'm like, it is so small. Yeah. It is so much smaller than I feel when I'm watching it. And so much happens on the stage. Like, oh, my goodness.

I think the Moulin Rouge one blew my mind the most because they have so many big set pieces that swing from the ceiling to the ground. And they all just like stack up like a notebook up in the sky. Yeah, like a little accordion. It's so wild. Wild. When we saw Mateo, right as soon as the show started, you were turning off your phone. And an usher came over with a flashlight and said, lights off. And I was like, I'm literally putting it away.

But I have never heard someone, oh, lights out. Yeah, lights out. And I was like, are they going to hit you? That's what I felt like. It was real aggressive. And I was like, I'm doing the thing. And then there was a bunch of fun ladies behind us. And when the house lights came up for intermission, one of those ladies leaned over and went, lights out.

And I cackled so hard. And then there was these old. people in front. And at the end of the show, one of the old ladies turned around and was like, oh, did you know somebody in the show? And I was like, yeah, our friend Mateo is Billy Flynn. He's a great singer.

He is also a great stand-up. It's on Hulu. He has a stand-up special on Hulu. I was being so aggressive. You were. I couldn't. I was like a couple seats down. I couldn't hear everything you were saying.

But you were like crouched down in their face, like really emphatically, be like, yeah, That's our friend. One of our best friends. We've done over years. And I was like, what's happening? Is this a fight? I don't know.

They said he was good. Yeah. And I was like, he's better than good. He's great. He's incredible. Show some fucking respect for those high notes. Well, also the woman directly in front of us kept turning and looking at Christy because Chrissy would keep giggling.

And then the person in front was like, a lot of turning and scoffing. Yes. Which maybe that's not what she. was trying to do, but it really, she was like, in our business. Yes, she really was. And then I noticed, I think it's because she doesn't enjoy the first act of Chicago. So I think she was like, why is this lady having so much fun? The fun happens in Act 2.

Oh, maybe. Because during Act 2, I watched her, like, go like this in her lap. Oh. And then she was like, she was really getting into Act 2. And I thought it was really funny because I'm like, Act 2's are usually, usually you love Act 1. And act one is where all the hits happen. Yeah. I guess it's a very show to show.

I love Chicago. It's such a fun show. Very. And then I kept fosciing everywhere. Oh, yes. It's fun. Oh. He did great.

He was so good. Before we, before I got here, I had opened Instagram, and there was just him singing, and I was like, oh, I'll watch it. Yeah. I'll watch him hit that note. Yeah. Oh. And Rocky Horror was so fun. So fun. Harvey was so funny.

So funny. The whole cast was incredible. Really, really good. And I love that the show makes less sense than the movie. I still have no idea what happens. When we saw the movie screening, I was like, I really don't understand what's happening. Maybe it's because everyone's yelling, and that's why I don't understand. And then we went to the Broadway show where less people are yelling. People were still yelling at some stuff, but less.

And I'm still like, do not know. I do not understand why this is happening. Do not know. But it's fun. I'm having a fun time. I'm having a fun time. I have seen the movie before, but when we went to that screening, I was like, what? This happens? I don't remember this.

They're aliens? What? They're aliens, and then the house has to go back. Goodbye. Yeah. It's fun as hell. But yeah, I was like, why is any of this happening? I guess it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. We're just having a good time. Yeah, so fun. Yeah. I want to be on Broadway. I want to do O'Mary. Ooh, that's fun. How do I do that?

I'm sure. Talk to Cole. Cole, let me be Mary. Let her be Mary. Let me be Mary. That would be really fun. I think it would be so fun. Yeah.

Oh my God. You'd be a great Mary. Thank you. Yeah. I think you'd be a great Mary too. Thank you. I think I would. I just feel like I'm mostly typecast as like the other lady.

Yes. Yeah. But you have the range. Thank you so much. You can get so. silly with the best of them. You think I can get silly with it? Yeah. Na, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Get silly with it. Nah, nah, nah. Ooh. The woolenium.

The selenium. No. What did you say last night that I was like, go away. Go home. I honestly can't remember. There was a pun. I was so excited to see you last night. Yeah. I felt like a child. I was like, this must be what children feel like when they get to, like, go back to school. This must be what they feel like. I was a child once.

But I doubt you were excited to go to school. No, but it was like when you get to see all your friends. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, oh, now I have to go to school. Yeah. But I guess our version was, I was so excited to see you. And then I was like, how do I order exactly what I want from this menu without just ordering the actual entree? Can I get the saviche but just one?

No. You were like, can I get a little piece of meat? And they're like, no, you can order a whole steak. It was really funny. You were like, I just want some corn and a little piece of meat. That's what you said out loud to a server. And then when he was like, do you want dessert? I was like, we'll take two chocolate chippers.

But that's what it said on the menu. And he's like, okay. That was so funny. You said, I'll be the server. You say what you want. Ladies, do you want dessert? Yeah, we'll take two chocolate chippers. Well, okay now.

And you went, no. It says it on the menu. I didn't make this. I swear, you guys did this. And then he bent down to look at the menu because he didn't believe you. He brought a candle to the menu. I guess it does say that. And then it was two cookies and milk, and the milk didn't come with the cookies.

And you looked around and went, I want milk. Where's our man? Where's our man? I want milk. They brought milk. That was great. You were being so silly last night. And then we skipped around.

my house. Yes. This is true. You can get silly with it. Okay, yeah. I'll be merry. Twist my arm. All right.

I'll say yes to the offer that doesn't exist. When it comes, I'll be ready. When we were in New York, before you got there, I had a night where I drank so much. I went to toast my favorite restaurant in New York City, and it was the manager's birthday. was also my friend Jen's birthday a couple days ago. So we were all celebrating me saying happy birthday twice. And then the manager walked around with a bottle of tequila and told us, asked what number we liked the best.

And then the game was that's how long the pour was into your mouth. I said, 12. So I'm like chugging tequila and then had so much wine on top of that. Then they gave us a free bottle of wine. Then we went to another bar where I had more wine, did a shot of whiskey with this man that I met. And I was tore up from the floor up. I tried sleeping in the shower because I thought the bed was close to the bathroom.

And it was just not that close. I climbed into the shower, laid down and went, this is the hardest bed I've ever been on. And I went, this isn't a bed. And then I was like, how do I get out? I was so drunk. Wait, but was it, was the shower on? No. Thank God.

No. The shower was not on. You were just, you just crawled into the shower? Yes, because in my drunken brain, that was the bedroom door. I was like, the... Oh. Oh, no. And then the next day I had to do a pride event, I was so hungover.

I got there at 1.45. And then my friend Evan was like, all right, it starts at 2. And I was like, if it starts at 2, why did I get here at 1.30? And he was like, you actually didn't. You got here at 147. You were notoriously late, and I knew you would be late. And then everyone laughed, and I went, oh, oh, God, that's... sucks. I have to, I have to fix this, this part of May. But I was so violently hung over and they handed me a t-shirt gun.

And didn't make it to where it needs to go? At one point, no. I heard Evans' co-worker was like, you got to help her out. They're not even clear in the street. I was doing so bad. It's really funny. It's just under the tires. I was like, do, do, then I, one, hit the building and then fell on a lady. And I was like, is this even legal? We're like feet from Times Square and I'm shooting a gun. I'm just like, ha ha! We're wearing a jazzer-sized shirt. But it was a T-shirt gun. It was a T-shirt gun.

Yeah. They're fun, man. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Well, we'd be shooting guns now. We'd be shooting actual guns now. Really fun. Yeah.

Really, really fun. There's a shooting range that we've gone to a couple times. And it's fun. Mm-hmm. Clay shooting. shooting pigeons. Yep, and I'll never forget. We were maybe an hour into it, and I said,

well, which one of these stations has the pigeons? And everyone was like, huh? And I was like, it's called clay pigeon shooting. So when did the pigeons fly? And then I learned that that disc is called a clay pigeon. Yeah, I guess just emulating a pigeon in the sky. Misleading. It is misleading.

It was crazy. And then they have one section where a little clay rolls on the ground, It's supposed to be like a rabbit. It's hard to get. It's really hard to get. But the first time I did it, I got one. That was like the only one I got. But again, I thought it was going to be a rabbit.

Which I don't want to shoot a rabbit. Well, I didn't think it was going to be a real rabbit. I thought it would be something shaped like a rabbit. I see. Yeah. Really misleading. But yes. Boom.

Wait. Boot. I don't know. And it takes everything in me not to point it at people. It's hard because you want to turn around. be like, I did it. And it's like, you simply can't do that. Keep it towards the ground. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I remember I went to, I probably told the story on this podcast, but John Milheiser and I went to a gun range downtown, an indoor gun range, because I was like, I just want to shoot a gun. And when we were signing in, the guy was like, huh, hope none of you have a felony. And I was like, I might actually have a misdemeanor. And he went, well, let's let your friend sign in. And I was like, that, you shouldn't, I told you I'm a criminal. You shouldn't. let me in here. And then I said, what's to stop me from just like picking up my gun and shooting everybody in here? And then he patted his gun and he was like, we're all carrying. And I was like, in that moment, I could have shot you. But I said, oh, okay. And he goes, we're not worried

about people shooting up the place. We're more worried about people getting the gun going in the back where their targets aren't shooting themselves. And I said, what? He goes, happens more than you think. And I was like, oh, no. And then as we were shooting, I didn't realize how. how loud it was inside. Yeah. I kept going, oh, oh. Me, oh. And then another man came over and was like, hey, is everything okay?

And I was like, yeah, I'm just really grappling with the fact that this is the same noise that some people hear right before they die. And he said, got it. Yes, it is. Other people are like, did they add sound effects to the target? Oh! Oh! Oh! But it's fun. Yeah. But we appreciate gun safety. Take classes if you're going to try to shoot a gun. Take a class. Put that gun in a vault.

Yeah. Or a safe or something? Keep it locked up. Keep it locked up. Yeah. And unloaded. Mm-hmm. Gun safety. Gun safety. In Coney Island, I don't know if it's still there, but there was a... game attraction called Shoot the Freak. Where I think little like cardboard cutouts of like, I don't know,

it was like monsters or something would like peek up behind rocks and stuff and you'd have like a little BB gun and you'd be shooting them. And in my brain I was like, in the past, that was probably a human running around. Like from rock to rock and be like, shoot the freak. Oh man. Yeah. The history of circuses is pretty. tough. It's like abusing animals and getting the freakiest looking people. Yeah. I know.

But hey, good way to like get paid. Yeah. If like, I'm sure the bearded lady probably wouldn't get hired anywhere else at that time. So join the circus. Yeah. Do you think the bearded lady just had PCOS? Probably. Probably. Wow. Wow. Deal. Damn. No one knew how to help. No one knew. They said, go to the circus, you fucking freak. I have so many wily chin hairs. It's so devastating.

Truly. Do you have chin hairs? I don't have chin hairs. Oh, that must be nice. I just have to pluck them. Yeah. But then I read somewhere that you're not supposed to pluck them, and I was like, so they're just there? Because, what, it'll grow back stronger or something like that?

Or like, I don't know. I just read the headline. I just read, don't do it. And I said, I'm gonna. You find out why? Yeah. Because I've heard, don't pluck your hair out. Because when it comes back, it'll grow back thicker.

Which I'm also like, you can still pluck it even if it's thick. Right. I don't understand what the problem is. Well, it also kind of makes it easier to pluck if it's a little thicker. Yes, true. You grab on it to it more efficiently. Yeah. You don't miss the thickness.

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And honestly, I think you should get in on it, too. I was so excited. I couldn't talk right. Head to factormeals.com slash best friends 50 off and use code. Best friends 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. Visit website for more details. And we're back. I mean, I don't think, because I shaved my legs. I think I've shaved my legs maybe five times in my whole life.

Oh, wow. And I don't think it didn't grow back thicker. Yeah. It barely grew back. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know either. Isn't leg hair, there's a reason why we have leg hair.

I don't know. Well, I guess because we used to be animals. Like we've evolved from hairier creatures. But they're also good for like knowing your surroundings. Like if wind moves your. your leg hair, your arm hair, any hair, hair in your head, then you know dangers of foot or just like be more alert. That's a reason.

Yes. You had a joke about that, right? I did, yeah. That's why I was like, I think there's something there. And then I gave you no clues that I wanted to know what you knew. I was like, I think. What do you think? Well, according to my research. I would be useless in the tribe.

Oh, yeah. I don't have any hair. I don't have any hair. Maybe that wasn't your goal or your role in the tribe. Oh. Maybe I was gathering. Yeah. Probably gathering fruits and vegetables because I'm a farmer.

It's in my blood. It's in your blood. I had so many strawberries the other day. And by so many, I mean, a lot of them were smaller than my pinky nail. But I had like 10 of them. That's a lot. Mm-hmm. Not enough to make anything.

So I just gobbled them down, didn't share them with a single soul. Nice. I had a good time. Nice. Then I left one on the countertops and it dyed it. No. So then I had to get the baking soda, salt, vinegar, and lemon mixture out again to try to get it out. Oh, my good.

Shaking my damn head. Shake in my damn head. I really should not have gotten butcher block countertops. They're not good for cooking or anything. Yeah. They're just good to look. They're just good to look. Good to look.

You know what else is good to look? These are good to look. I feel like you make your eyes wider when you put those little on. Or maybe that's just how they look on your face. They really are my absolute favorite pair. Can I try one? Yes. I don't think you've ever tried them on.

I don't think so. You know what? Yeah. The turn in the big smile really is wild. You know? Yeah. It's like, hmm.

It has. wild. I walk through life doing weird shit until people go, wait, what? These are crazy. They like do something to your eyes. That's what I'm saying. Like you look a little

off. Yeah, maybe they're making your eyes bigger? I don't know. I'm blown away. I'm not doing anything to my eyes. I'm really blown away. I am impressed

with like, because because Because the lens is purple, I thought it would be like a more of a purple lens on everything, but I can see everything perfectly fine. Yeah. Actually, like, it's like kind of clear, actually, even though it's purple. Oh, I love that. My favorite is when I'm in the Jeep, top down, weird glasses on. I feel so cool.

She's having fun. I saw a. a Volkswagen, like a hot, hot, hot pink Volkswagen Beetle the other day. And I was like, oh my God. Do I need a Volkswagen Beetle? And I was like, I can't buy a car.

Who am I? Jay Leno? I don't have a place to put all these cars that I want. Mm-hmm. But I was like, what if? What if? What if my, I was like, maybe when my lease ends on my Jeep,

I'll just get a, a Volkswagen Beetle. No, because you keep offering rides to people and putting them in small cards. You're like, yeah, get me back seat. And everyone's like, scrunched up. You are absolutely right. I'm always like, oh, yeah, I'll take you.

And then everyone's just in it. Yeah, I'm an even smaller card. Come on, guys, I'll take you. But I am getting a new Jeep. Okay. I'm breaking my lease Which is Really expensive

Yeah, right? Because you just finish paying for it Or do someone buy it from you? The dealership said they'll buy it back But then he showed me all the math and stuff So then my payment on the new one will go up Because I Something, he did the math

And I was like, I'm tired But they have it purple Jeep And I was like, well, I need to have a purple grimace mobile You need to. Like, I need it. And so we ordered it. It's coming in six months.

Wow. And he was like, do you want the convenience package? And I said, what's that? He was like, do you want automatic windows? And I went, no, because it was slightly more expensive. So I'll have a purple Jeep, a new Jeep with cranked down windows. Nice. And I'm really excited about it.

I can't wait to be like, it's really funny. But the only convenience that the convenience be applies to you? I think so. I think so. Huh. Yeah. That's funny. Mm-hmm. And then he was like, do you want a stick shift?

And I was like, oh, that's too far. I actually, I don't know how to drive a stick shift. And I was like, do I really want to learn? Yeah. Just, yeah. And I do want to learn, but then I'm limited in what I can do in the car. Oh, yeah? I can't put on makeup in, and have my feet.

And hands going. Got it. Then I only have one hand free. And that has to do the steering wheel. You shouldn't be putting makeup on while you're driving anyway. What do you mean? Like just for safety purposes, regardless. Just like may do it at home or when you're to your location or whatever.

Just like while you're driving, you shouldn't be doing that. Okay. You're right. And I have read several comments where people are like, Nicole's thoughts about driving and wearing her. seatbelt, make her a shitty human being. And I was like, okay. Well, I wouldn't go that far. But...

No, you're not a shitty human being. Thank you. I do just have bad hot takes about driving. I know I shouldn't be putting on well, I was putting on lip gloss today. That wasn't labor intensive, but I have put on mascara while driving and honestly danger to me. I mean, yeah, you need those eyes to see forward.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. My goodness. I know. But Imagine me in a Volkswagen Beetle. It would be very cute. Subscribe. All the old things. These nails are quite short for what you usually do. I know, because I had to work for a singular day.

And I was like, why not just have it be a blank thing so it's not a conversation when I get there? But yeah, they're little nubbins. Mm-hmm. Kind of like teeth to me. I can see that. Well, they'll grow out. Mm-hmm. And I'll return, I'll return to Long, Long, Long.

To Long Long, Long, Long. Lung, lang, lang. And then I did, like, a light baby pink on my toes. Oh. They look really good. Okay. Mm-hmm. What do you usually put on your toes?

A darker color. Mm-hmm. But I bought my, um, you sent me, Leopard Print Croix. that I immediately scooped up. And good thing I did, because they sold right out. Oh, my goodness. Mm-hmm. But I got my pair.

Thank goodness. And I've been sliding my dogs in those crocs and showing off my pink toes. Wait, can you see your toes through the crocs? There are sandals. Oh, that's right. That's right, that's right. You don't remember what you sent me? I sent you a lot of stuff.

You do. But they're like a Birkenstock-looking crocs. That's right. They're beautiful. Beautiful crocks. Gorgeous crocks. I love Crocs so much. They're just so comfortable.

Yeah. But not for like long walks. No. Short ones. Because they don't really have any art support. They're foam. I don't know what they are. I don't either.

I do like the little pokies on the inside of the soul. Because it feels like a little acupressure. Oh. Oh, so you probably like those Adidas sandals. I don't think I've tried them. Do you know which ones I'm talking about? No. They look like the grass.

They look like the grass. You know, like a dormant, like a grass door mat, like a grass door mat where it's like kind of sharpy pokey's. I feel like that's kind of what the sandal is. Okay, yeah. Do you know? Yeah, just like the little dots on them, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Do they still sell them? Allie, would you mind looking that up? I'm sure. I feel like I've seen them recently. Yeah, it looks like they do. But I can't find what they're called. Adida slides? With polkeys?

With, with pokey's. Would you like yours with or without pokey's? Well, I'll take the pokey's. I... Are they called pokey's? No, they're sports slides. Sports slides. I never understood how people walked on them.

Yeah, my feet always flop out of... I need support. You need support and sturdiness. I mean, just the bumpies of it all. Like, I feel like they kind of hurt. But I like that. Oh. I like the heart.

Have you ever firewalked? No, I haven't. You might like it. I don't know if I would like it. If you like those Adidas sandals, you'll love firewalking. I feel like it's a huge jump. I don't need the heat aspect of it. That's one and the same.

But I like, there's a gravel in my yard, and I like walking on the gravel barefoot. Wow. Mm-hmm. I'm really sensitive. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I barely like a massage. If I walk on a rock, that's a wrap. That's a wrap for the day.

Like a pebble in my shoe? Hell on earth. Well, I don't like that sensation. But if my whole foot is on rocks. Yeah, that's a wrap on the day. I got to go home. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It hurts. I don't know. I like it. I think you have harder skin than I do. That didn't sound good in my head and then I said it. The hell? I'm sorry. It looks soft and supple and succulent, but it's hard as hell.

You made it worse. Sorry. Hard as hell. Sorry about it. I do think the bottom of my feet skin is thick. And I guess maybe other places, I don't know. You're a reptile.

Just kidding. I feel just like everyone else feels. Yeah, I think the bottoms of my feet are also rather smooth. Because I remember the first time I got a petting. here. I was like, ah! Oh, my God! La la la la la! And now I have to just kind of, like, brace myself for the tickles? Oh, no. It tickles so much. Oh, no. It tickles so much. Whoa. Yeah. No, I'm like, can you scrub, daub-dub-dub. Scrabba-dub-dubub-dub. Mm-hmm. Should we do a quiz? We haven't done one in years. It's been years.

Allie, can we do a quiz, please? Yeah, of course. Okay. Everyone has a bear within them, so let's discover yours. Polar bears don't even need to be provided. No, polar bears don't even need to be provoked before showing you their sassy size. Oh. Okay.

I hope I'm a koala bear or a panda. Mm-hmm. Okay. What's your hope for this outcome? A panda bear is good. A panda bear is good Or one of those red pandas I do love a red panda

Yes when I went to the DC Zoo They were all inside and didn't come out Oh man I was pretty bummed Okay pick a milkshake Chocolate These colors are off That's too dark

Strawberry That's too dark for strawberry Um Maybe chocolate Oh, I think, yeah, banana something. Banana shake, I guess. Are those all the milkshakes? Yeah.

That's really funny. Oh, I see. I'll take chocolate. I'm going to take strawberry. I do love a good strawberry shake. Okay. Pick a seashell. Okay.

So that one is a conk? Yeah. Oh. I thought you were going to describe it. Oh, I guess. Well, I figure people know what a conk looks like. Some people don't. It looks like, it's like orangey. It's white, twists and turns, but cute.

That's great. Thank you. I don't know the kind of name of the shell, but it's your typical. Classic. The shell logo for Shell gas station looks like this. And this one's like a little reddish brown and faded. And then this one is a home for a hermit crab. Mm-hmm.

It looks like an ice cream cone with a vagina instead of ice cream on top of the cone. Now, that's my kind of ice cream. I think it was a nasty, wild joke. But, like, said with such ease and thrown away. I don't know why that was so funny to me. Now that's my kind of ice cream I think it was like the dead read of it That's my kind of ice cream

Like almost you were exhausted by yourself Saying it Well I guess I'll pick the Sashir's pussy ice cream That's my kind of ice cream That's my kind of ice cream And that I'm going to take the classic show. Choose a sandwich. Huh.

What? It's something, these don't have labels, so we're just kind of guessing what they are. That's a croissant sandwich with chicken? It looks like weird little fingers. Like teeth. It does. The other one is like a classic baguette sandwich, cut in half. Maybe some cheese.

And the last one's a bagel sandwich with, I think it's avocado. Yeah, it's not a classic bagel sandwich. There's no meat. I don't know if there's an egg. It just seems like there's avocado on it. And lettuce? Yeah. I'm going to pick that weird bagel sandwich.

Nice. I will pick the croissant sandwich. With them fingis? With the mystery fingis. Pick a ring. Oh. I would like a ring. I would like a ring.

I would like a ring. What's happening? I'm like a doming. I'm like a domerring. Is that a song? Yes, you don't know it? No. Ray.

Talking about her husband, right? Yeah. Who's Ray? The singer. Baby, where the hell is my husband? When it's taking him so long to find me. Oh, oh, baby. Where the hell is my husband?

Getting down with another This is like the nice to meet you moment. I have no idea. I can't believe it's everywhere. It's a damn hit. It's on the top of the charts. Played everywhere. People are playing at weddings.

They were playing it all over social media. I cannot believe you haven't seen this. Do you mind playing it? Yeah. I just did it for you. I wonder what other music out there I don't know. I wonder what other music out there I don't know. I wonder what other music out there.

I don't know. I'm not going to fix that sentence. That's perfect. Okay, this ring is a swirly ring with three tiers, three swirls. The top swirl is an arrow. Or no, it looks like an arrow to me because it's a triangle. And then it swirls into, it's gold, swirls into just a layer that's just the gold band. And then the end of it has diamonds.

This ring is silver and I don't know the cuts of... I think it's a princess cut. Okay, it's a princess cut. Big old diamond in the middle. Smaller diamonds circling around it. Smaller diamonds on the band of the ring. And then this one is a cushion cut, I think. But then there's like little holes in the band.

It's cute. But not that cute? Yeah, it's not for me. Okay. I would pick the triangle arrow one. Yeah, that's the one I'm leaning towards. But I think I'm going to go classic. I think that's a princess cut.

Nice. Because I do want a big, fat, nasty diamond. Oh, okay. Or some sort of jewel, like a gemstone. I don't know. Like I like something like big and nasty. Yeah, I like that. Mm-hmm.

Chew some flowers. So we got pansies, I think. Yellow pansies, orangey pansies. I don't know who these people are, but they're pink and white. And they're big and fluffy. They look like what you would wear on like a croissage, which I think is a... Sort of a C. Yeah.

A carnation. Carnation? I think that's a carnation. Okay. And then, I think that's not a daffodil. A daisy? It's a daisy. Dasty.

Classic dais. Classic daisy. I'm picking them pansies. Nice. I like the daisy look. Oh. Mm-hmm. What is this quiz?

We're going to be a bear at the end of this. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Choose a butterfly. Oh. This is a big red butterfly with white dots. This is a big yellowy green butterfly with the bottom tier of the wings are blueish. Mm-hmm. This looks like a winter butter.

It's all white with like a blue head, blue dots, orange stripes, black dots, white wings. I'm going to pick that last one. Yeah, that's fun. Wait, no, I'm going to pick the middle one. Ooh. Because that's like beautiful. Beautiful. I want the red one.

Mmm. She's fun. Butterflies aren't alive for long. No. It's really sad. It is sad. For being so pretty. I know.

But they don't know the difference. They sure don't. Them idiots. No, I'm kidding. I think maybe their lifespan to them is like years. Yeah. When it's days to us because they're on a different time space continuum than us. Pick a dish.

Some pasta. Mm-hmm. A chicken, a fried chicken sandwich? Uh-huh. A pizza? Like a margarita pizza? Mm-hmm. I think I know what you're going to pick.

Oh. Do you think I'm going to pick the pizza? Yeah. Ah. I mean, that pasta does look really good right now. It does look good. Yeah, I'm going to pick the pasta, actually. Wow.

I don't even know you. I would pick a pizza, but that crust looks dry to me. It does look dry as hell. The chicken sandwich kind of looks dry, but I think the juice from the chicken will take over. Nice. Pick a citrus. We got a classic orange. Yeah, a classic lemon.

We got classic lime. I pick the lemon. And I'm going to pick the orange. Nice. I'm not a lime head. Not me either. I was walking in my neighborhood and I like taking fruit from the trees because it feeds the community. I don't really care if I have to cross your property line.

We're a community. And I was picking these cross breeds of oranges and limes and they were so cool. And then on my walk, I was like, oh, no, they were just pre-ripe. And they're just straight up oranges. That's really funny. Just not ready yet. Perfume. That's not how you spell it.

Nope. That's not how you spell it. Prefume. Prefume. That's wild. What is it called? De San Di Giolea? Gioia.

Is it Giorari or Imani? Oh, okay. And then we have irresistible for Givanchet. And Cherie, John, Johnwin. Interesting. Okay. I'm going to pick the irresistible. I'll pick Sun.

This is a wild quiz, a perfume. What perfume have you been wearing these days? So I found this French brand that I like. and I cannot remember the name of it. But I bought a sample. And then I was like, I think I'm going to commit to the big one. But right now I'm wearing Miss Dior. I also wear Victor and Rolf Bonbon.

I also wear this Prada. I think it's like floral bomb or something, but it's in a burgundy bottle and it smells so good. Okay. I'm mixing and matching. I'm having a good time. She's having a good time. You don't wear a fragor.

I don't wear a fragon. No. Just serving up body. Just all natural body. In the middle of this quiz, we have to take a break. And we're back. Choose a sign. Okay, the sign says, think before you speak, read before you think.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You are exactly where you are meant to be. Mm-hmm. I don't like that last one because what if you're a prison?

Well, you probably did a crime. But what if you didn't? Oh, my God, you're falsely accused? Yes. That does happen. It does happen quite a bit. Yeah. Yeah, so we can't pick that last one because some people are not exactly where they're meant to be.

Exactly. I kind of really like think before you speak, read before you think. Mm-hmm. Because people have lost it. The recipe. And we are not reading shit. We're not reading shit. I mean, I think on this episode, I said, I don't know.

I just read the headline. That is true. So I'm going to take that advice in my heart. Nice. Yeah, in my tit. In my tent. I like difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. I didn't pick that one because I simply don't believe it.

Because I feel like nice planes take you to nice places and shitty planes take you to shitty places. and I think shitty roads take it to shitty places. Oh, my God. What if it's like a dirt road going to a beautiful waterfall? Oh, shit. You got me. Wow, that really crumbled. Pick a candle.

This is one of those tall, skinny white ones that are everywhere. This is a glass candle that you'll probably find in a living room. It's a smoky wood. This is another gas. Last candle that you'd find maybe in a bathroom called Danjolichi. What are you going to pick? Maybe smoky would. I think I'm going to do Daniel Leachie.

It's a pretty long quiz. I can't believe it. I can't believe you're still taking this quiz. What bear am I? What bear choose a statue? This is a lady with her tits out. This is a man on a horse. And this is a lady with her tits out being held by a man smelling his armpit.

I'm going to pick that one because I like a conscientious man. Yeah. Like as you hold me, check on yourself. Yeah. She's like, don't transfer it. We're about to go somewhere. Am I funky? Are we funky?

I'm going to pick the lady with her tits out. Yes. On brand for you. That's my kind of ice cream. Oh my God. Choose a tiny bird. This is a tiny bird with white fluffy hair on its belly and brown feathers on the top of its head and its back.

This one kind of looks like a minion. Yeah. I like him. He's yellow. And then gray on top. Mm-hmm. This one just looks like a fur ball. I can't even see the beak.

It just looks like... I don't think that's a bird. It's just a round brown cow. Brown brown cow A round brown Fuzz. I'm picking that minion I'm picking the little fuzzball

It's cute Oh I'm a panda bear You got what you wanted The people pleasing Likeable cousin of the bear family Cousin of the bear family

Yeah you're in I'm in the bear family Oh god Defund BuzzFeed While all the others Are off causing trouble You stay calm and chill What are you talking about?

They're always falling. But they are chill because they're like, truly like, their bides are so loose. They're just like rolling around. That being said, people should never forget that you do have claws. And while you're gentle, you'll use them if needed. Actually, great. Yeah, I like that.

I like that. Yeah, I'll fucking cut you up if needed. Oh, I'm a grizzly bear. Oh, damn. Sure, you're a bit scary, but you're pretty unbothered as long as people just leave. you alone. You'll occasionally cause some real havoc, but your favorite hobby, fishing, has taught you patience. Hey, I see it. I can see it too, actually. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Well, you're a grizzly and I'm a panda. Nice. Hell yeah. Now that we know what kind of bears

we are, let's bear into some questions. Wow, I like that. Hey, thanks. Huge fan and one of my besties and I just got tickets to see you together. in Chicago. Yay! Yeah. We've been to see both Nicole and Sashir together, and I can't believe we're going to be able to see y'all on stage together in November. My problem is the pain of a lost friendship. I have a friend from college who's been a close friend for years. They've hung out with my family. We've been neighbors and friends for years after college, and they were even in my wedding party. After my wedding, we hung out once, just the two of us, and that was the last I've seen of them. It's been a year and a half now. For the first six months, I kind of...

texting to initiate plans and was left on red every time. This wasn't terribly unusual for them, but my last attempt to reach out included, Miss you and hope you're okay. I know you're not a big texter, but haven't heard from you in too long, so I hope we're good, and they left me on red again. I've racked my brain to think about what might have pushed them away, but I don't think I've done anything concrete and I just spiral. My other friends have said it's their problem to lose me as a friend, that they're a loser for ghosting and they don't deserve me, etc. While I know that they're trying to make me feel better, it doesn't help because I just miss my friends still. I'm not trying to get my friend back, but I do want to know how to soften

the pain of something outside of my control. Do I hide their posts on social media from myself, delete them from social apps in general? I don't want to close off a potential for friendship, and I'm never the person to shut someone out like that, but it just sucks seeing their posts and even viewing my stories when they don't want to when they don't want to respond to me anymore. How do I handle the grief of a lost friendship? Love you both. Hmm.

Yeah, hide them. Yeah, definitely hide them. You don't have to see that. I think, I think, like, unfollowing or something is, or blocking is, like, really dramatic. A little dramatic, yeah. But you can always hide and they don't have to know. And you can hide your story from them.

That's true. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, that is a bummer to see that they are... Allie! Come on, Allie! Yeah, that is a bummer to see if they're watching your story but not responding to your text. Mm-hmm.

I wonder if that person is texting any other friends. Yeah, I wonder. And then the person who wrote in doesn't want the friendship back. But I'm almost like, maybe they're going through something. But then also it does suck that they're. They couldn't say I'm going through something. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's just hide, hide it so you don't have to look at it. Yeah. And like, like you're reaching out. You've even like given this person outs and been like, I know you're not a good textor, but I hope you're doing well, haven't heard from you. And they're still not responding. That's not on you. You try.

Yeah. You did it. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. And even if you did do something to piss this person off, they should say that. That's on them for not being like honest and clear. Like actually you did do something that upset me. And like if they're the kind of person that would rather ghost you forever than have an uncomfortable conversation, you don't want that friend either. No, you don't need them. Yeah. P you. P you.

They stink. Solved. Solved. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. I love the pod. Thank you for your advice on my open relationship regarding people who. claim to want to be friends and then ghost as soon as the hookup has ended. When Sashir said to ask, are we fucking or are we friending, I burst out laughing. Truly iconic. Anyways, my partner and I

had a very bad threesome with a boy. Let's call him Andy that nearly destroyed our relationship. This was months ago, and after the hookup, my partner told me that I went too far with Andy during the hookup and crossed the line. He said he didn't feel comfortable hanging out with Andy anymore, not even as friends. We began to ghost Andy, which I felt very bad about since he was a really good friend. We were both fucking and friending, and it was a great balance. Andy is a huge part of our queer friend group that meets once or twice a month, and I saw him at a barbecue recently. He asked if everything was okay, and I said yes, but my partner is having a hard time, and honestly, our relationship is on the rock, so we must stop all fucking outside the relationship. Andy said he

felt really bad, and he didn't care about the sex at all. He just wanted to be. He just wanted to to make sure that we were okay in our friendship. I said yes, but when I got home, my partner was not at the barbecue, by the way. My partner said he is not okay with either of us ever interacting with Andy again. It seems like, according to my partner, I have to avoid all of our queer friend hangs in order to avoid Andy. It's sad because it's taken me years to become part of a community like this, and I don't want to avoid them. I understand my partner's feelings were violated on one hand, but I also don't think it's okay to treat Andy like this. I told my partner, to explain his negative feelings and desire to end the friendship directly with Andy, but he refused.

I regret ever hooking up with Andy in the first place. This is so awful. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard dick. Please tell me what to do. That sucks. It does suck. It sucks the most because this partner is like, I don't like this person. Why? Mm-mm. Sh. Yeah. And I feel like if a boundary was crossed and they're feeling some type of way, I think you should tell your partner what's going on. Absolutely. Because how can they correct it if they don't know what to correct? Also, I guess, because maybe the couple, they have, like, boundaries and things,

like, rules for themselves of, like, how to operate in group hookups. But you can explain that to another person, too. Yeah. They could have told Andy just heads up, we don't do this or this or this or whatever the thing was. Like, I don't know what. I'm so curious. I'm like to know what the hell happened. I'm also curious.

I would like to know what happened. She said, I love you. I love you, Andy. Ugh. Yeah. And also, like, poor Andy who's like, I don't even care about the sex. I just want to be your friend. Yeah.

And, like, so, like, yeah, that's a huge bummer that you can't even. like go to queer events because Annie might be there. Grow up. Yeah. If your partner doesn't want to hook up with Andy anymore, that's okay. Yeah. It sounds like it's okay with Andy too. But to be like ending of friendship because you engaged in something that like,

I'm not victim blaming or shaming, but like this partner agreed to do X, Y, and Z and then things went too far. And I just don't understand why they're not explaining. Yeah. why they're upset and why they want to cut off Andy. I don't either. Or maybe they did explain to their partner, but they're not... Because also the person who wrote in was like,

I asked my partner to talk to Andy directly, and he was like, no. No. Which I guess you don't have to. But it's just weird to be like, you can't even interact with him. Yeah. And if Andy did something boundary crossing,

I think Andy needs to know. Absolutely. Yeah. Unless it was so awful. I don't know. Like, I think I just need more information. I think I would, like, I think I would want to talk to that partner again and be like, it's really strange considering how open we are in our relationship, in our community.

We are open physically. We are open communicatively. And for you to be such a hard know and, like, shut down. And the situation is really concerning. Yeah. Can you illuminate a little bit more as to why this is such a, like, big deal? Big deal and, like, a hard no for you on who I can hang out with. Yeah.

Because if he doesn't want to hang out with Andy, you doesn't have to. That's fine. You doesn't have to. But, like, to tell your partner, you can't even interact with this person? It's, like, a lot. It's a little controlling. I don't love it. I don't love it. Do not love it.

We need more information before we can solve this. Yeah. Unsolved mystery. Unsolved mystery. Well? Well? I'm hot. I'm quite warm.

I'm like, not okay. I was like, we got to end. I looked and I was like, okay, we did enough. I was so hot. Let's get out of here. We have to leave. The studio's steaming up. That's the end of this.

That's the end of this. If you got questions and queries, maybe the air will be on next time. Nicole and Sashir at gmail. Or you can call or text or leave a voicemail at 32323-28-6554. Goodbye. That was a headgum podcast. I don't know. There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season.

Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season. Oh, yes. I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington.

And then everyone gathers around Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago. I broke a toilet there. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th show at City Winery in Philadelphia? Love that. And of course, there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater.

in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Gramercy Theater in New York. Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is

the most magical time of the year. People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody?

I'm back back. And man, ooh, we got something to tell. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called

What's our podcast? Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep, guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Jony McGrath, and Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast.

On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm gonna go do it right now.