Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer’s Not Trying To Get Got

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Did you get fooled? This week, Nicole and Sasheer discuss how April Fool’s Day is a precursor to the purge, Sasheer’s terrible prank, Nicole’s love for Volkswagen Golf trucks, and the many seasons in Atlanta. They debut a new segment - Zillow Or No Dillow - where they choose a favorite from two very wild Zillow listings, and answer listener questions about breaking up with new couple friends, communicating with a friend who feels left behind, and what to do with a friend who is a pathological liar.  For Zillow or No DillowHere is House #1 :https://www.movingthemitten.com/listings/alpine-drive?utm_source=zillowgonewild&utm_medium=zillowgonewild&utm_campaign=zillowgonewildHere is House #2: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/7779-Spruce-Ct-Thornton-CO-80602/103001031_zpid/?utm_source=zillowgonewild&utm_medium=zillowgonewild&utm_campaign=zillowgonewild Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

the april 5th this year wow wow wow wow we made it through another april fool did you get fooled i didn't get fooled. Not this year. I said, nobody's getting me. Same. I'm not trying to get got. I don't want to get got at all. That's terrible. Why did that become a holiday? To prank people?

Some trickster was like, you know what would be funny? If I lied to a bunch of friends and then just said, April, you're a fool. April fools. Yeah. It's just like, here's a day where everyone can be deceitful. And it's okay because it's on this day. It's a precursor to the purge. First April fools, then the purge.

Light version of The Purge. Yeah, we just lie to people. You, April Fool's me. I think we've talked about it on this. We probably have, and I regret it every year. God, it was so fucked up. I know, it wasn't good. I was living my best life, having a nice day.

I had woken up, made my way down to work, was sitting at my work desk, off the elevator pops my friend. I said, oh, wow, I love seeing my friend. It's a blessing. She sits right next to me like she always does. And we start yammering on and on about, I don't know, probably boys or something. We were in our early 20s.

And then she goes, Nicole, can I tell you something? And I spin my chair around to her because it was on wheels. And she said, I'm pregnant. And I said, oh, wow, I'll take you anywhere you need to go or we will raise this baby together and then i went about my business i wheeled right around back to my computer screen i said that's solved and then she goes april fools and i've never been angrier never been angrier i dedicated my life to raising an imaginary baby i made a commitment to emotional support to maybe make this fetus go away if that was what was needed i would have been a ride didn't have a car would have taken her there waited for her taking her home i'm so sorry as you're telling this my stomach is in my apple i i hate it it wasn't a good joke feel really bad you were so supportive and sweet like what else

how else would you have reacted i don't know what i was expecting like a ha ha it's not a ha ha kind of comment i don't know why i dropped that on you that's a lot it was a lot for a saturday afternoon yeah i mean in hindsight it is pretty funny just the whole thing because i was so mad yeah and i i as soon as you had such a sincere response i was like oh wait oh fuck oh no wait a minute maybe i should have done this i wonder i wonder i wish i realized it was April Fool's. I don't know. I wish I had a different response. I wish it wasn't so earnest.

Well, because you're my friend. And you were just trying to look out for me. You had the appropriate response. I was the inappropriate one who thought I could make pregnancy a joke. How funny. I don't think I've ever April Fool's anybody successfully. I don't think so either.

I don't know. I start laughing. Yeah. Also, I feel like your April Fool's jokes would be like, I'm not wearing my bra. Or like something like really, really simple where I'm like, I don't, I guess.

I was like, okay. I wasn't tricked. I didn't, I did nothing. Okay. They're a little lower. Cool. Yeah. I guess I wouldn't notice otherwise,

but thanks for telling me. Yeah. I don't think I could ever come up with a good April Fool's joke. There's no need to. This just isn't a need to no there really isn't kimmy jordan have you april fools to anybody no jordan's not nodding very confidently what did you do it was a it was a really long time ago and it was a combination of my mom and i um my dad just got a new jacket and so he was like about to go out and my mom and i were like oh my god what did you do to the back of your jacket and he was like what what happened

what and he was just like completely freaking out and we were like yeah like did you like sit in pain do like did you like what is wrong and he was like fully freaking out and he looks in the mirror he's, there's nothing here. And we were like, April fools. But it worked out really well because it's like nothing that's like too extreme. But he was like, you guys are mean. I thought I really destroyed this jacket. I just got it.

And I was like, how much was this jacket that you were this paranoid about? The jacket was $10,000. Yeah. It was Armani. Yeah. jacket was ten thousand dollars yeah it was armani yeah i i would say the only prank i've done it wasn't april fool's specific but the best prank that i like that we ever did is my sister and i bought like one of those huge christmas inflatable things you put on your lawn like six it's like six by ten and we would put it in our friend's bedrooms because you just plug it in and inflates and so they wouldn't open their door and they would just have a giant be like a giant

penguin in their bedroom and i was like no one got hurt everyone gets to laugh at a penguin this is a great time that's a good prank we were really cute in high school we were very very it was very like 1950s that's cute i got god again i have a chili pepper that says muy caliente on my butt as a tattoo and uh in school i went to school with a man from maybe brazil i don't know he's from somewhere in south america maybe ecuador i don't remember um but i was like showing off my tattoo and he was like oh man they spelt that wrong and i was like what they my tattoo and he was like, oh man, they spelt that wrong. And I was like, what? They were like, caliente is spelt incorrectly.

And I was like, oh no. And he let me believe that for like an hour. And then he was like, I'm just kidding. I get got so easily. It is very funny. But why? Why am i so earnest and genuine and i just believe people i mean that is a good way of living to to you know hope for the good in people just trust people at their word i guess there was a man at the airport who was like

he said he had asperger's which i don't think is a term we use anymore but it was his diagnosis not mine and he was like and i was late to the airport and i have to get money for a hotel does anyone have money so i give him a bunch of money and then i was telling this story to you and mateo mateo was like you got got but like that's a pretty expensive scam you're running. Like you wanna get into the airport. And then to ask for money, but I don't, yeah, it worked. He got money out of me.

I hope he was telling the truth. Otherwise I got got again. Where's that juice from? Wild Oak. Oh, and that's by your house it's by my house lolita sent some food for me oh that's nice yeah um but i got to see my favorite car last night it was right in front of me when i was getting off the highway it's like a volkswagen golf pickup truck that i think they only sold in Mexico. They didn't sell it here. And it lives a couple streets down from me.

So sometimes I see it when I go get my nails done, but I've never seen it in action. It's the dumbest looking car and I love it so much. It's cherry red. And oh my God, I was so excited. The pictures that I took last night are very blurry it's a pickup truck it is a volkswagen golf do you know what those look like uh-uh okay a volkswagen golf is like a tiny little hatchback but instead of it being a hatchback it's a truck no okay put Okay, put Volkswagen Golf. Yeah! Okay. So, yeah, that blue one.

Yes, and I love it. It looks so silly. And I squeal every time I see it. See, I was like, I was trying to figure, this one's built, the one that you found, Kimmy, like, someone built that here and, like, cut half of the the golf off but the one I'm been seeing I think was sold in Mexico and then someone drove it up here I love them so much

they're so dumb looking they're pretty dumb looking yeah it's like confusing my brain yes and I when I first saw it screamed and then circled the block to see it again i love cars oh my god i'm pure and innocent and childlike you sure are oh my god am i an angel on earth earth? You're a little cherub. I am a little cherub. Everyone's wearing sweatshirts right now on this Zoom and I'm wearing a tank top and I'm freezing. Well, yeah, of course, I was gonna say, are you hot?

No. Just didn't choose to put more clothes on? Well, I woke up and then I changed out of my jammies into leggings and a tank top, and then I was like, I don't need a sweatshirt. It's spring! It's spring!

It's spring! And it's not, and it won't be spring here, and I don't understand why it keeps raining. Today is sunny, though. It is sunny, which, thank goodness. That's nice. I like the sun. I like the sun.

I like the sun too. I just, I can't believe you missed the rain. You have to move back. You brought the sun. Your sun shines this year. I guess so. Thank goodness it's sunny. It's still pretty chilly.

But yeah, I finally came back to la and la was welcoming me also my suitcase was the first one out at baggage claim wow what a day a diamond diva living her best life did you bring your suitcase home to switch out clothes? Yeah. Oh. Because I have a bunch of sweaters and stuff that I brought to Georgia. And it's starting to get warmer. Even though it's warmer and colder. Someone found a post where it's like the 12 seasons of Georgia. Where it's like fall, winter, false winter, rainy winter uh a little bit of spring third winter and then like the pollining where there's like pollen everywhere so i think we're leaving the

third winter and going into the pollining or something like that oh no but it's i don't need all the sweaters that i have and um and brought some books that I'm never going to read. I just am not going to read them. So I don't have to have them with me. Yeah. It's tough to read a book. It just is. I really want to read this book.

It's Brett Easton Ellis. It's his newest book. I can't remember the name of it. But it's like real thick. And I was like, well book i can't remember the name of it but it's like real thick and i was like well this isn't gonna do to my suitcase this is too thick a shirt could go in its place and i keep looking at the book being like i'm gonna read this and then i finally moved it away from my bed because i'm not gonna read it and put it on the bookshelf but you actually do read more than i do, I think. Yeah.

I'm halfway through a book right now. And for whatever reason, my brain won't be like, hey, pick it up and finish it. Yeah. It's a book I started in the Bahamas, in that island nation that loves me so much. Wait, Jordan, you raised your hand. What were we going to say?

I know I was going to ask you because I keep seeing it on TikTok more and more. I wanted to know both of your stances on like, would you ever use a Kindle? No. Okay. I think I tried to. And for some reason, my eyes don't associate screens with leisurely reading. Mm-hmm. That makes sense and I just don't really like the name Kindle

well it's just a lot of people are just those who travel a lot we're like it's a lot easier just like to take this one piece and that way you're not like having like a ton of books and And like I get that aspect. But like I like the feel of books. I like the feel of a book too. And I like the smell of paper. I think I also like to physically see how much more I have of the book. Like I know there's like numbers on the screen on a Kindle.

But I like to see like, oh, I only have this much left. And I like to see like, oh, I only have this much left. And I like to skip ahead sometimes. And then read a little bit of a chapter coming up. So I go, ooh, juicy. And then I'll go back and get there and be like, I can't believe that's how we got there. We'll choose your adventure. Kind of. And then sometimes I'll read ahead and be like,

oh, I don't think I'm into where this is going. Goodbye. I used to love Christopher Pike books. Do you know Christopher Pike? I do know. He was like the bootleg R.L. Stine. There was Fear Street, and then there was like Christopher Pike

and his like vampire stories. And he had this one about the first vampire, and she was this blonde hot lady that had sex and hated men and pushed them off cliffs. Oh, boy. And I remember being a preteen, being like, -"She's so cool!" -"Mm-hmm." Wait, Kimmy, can you look up that book?

It's Christopher Pike, and it's about the first lady vampire. Oh, what is that series called? Wait, what books did you read in your youth, Sashen? Look up that book, it's Christopher Pike and it's about the first lady vampire. Oh, what is that series called? Wait, what books did you read in your youth, Shashir? I did read Fear Street. I did like that series. I think a little bit of Goosebumps too. Mm-hmm.

I liked Goosebumps until I was like, I'm too old for Goosebumps. Fear Street's where it's at. Yes, and you graduate to a little bit of a more adult version uh-huh yeah that's what it was called the last vampire and it was like present day but then you'd go back in time to when she was like i don't know an elder or something they should turn this into a movie who's listening hello hollywood hello hollywood wait let's play kimmy's new game zillow for for a Dillow. I don't know. What do you want to call it?

All I came up with the very clever, would you rather Zillow edition? But if you guys, Zillow for a Dillow also sounds very fun to me. I'm sure Jordan could make it sound even better. It doesn't quite make sense. Zillow or no Dillow. Yeah, Zillow or no Dillow. Yeah, Zillow or no Dillow.

I love Zillow. I never thought, as an adult who has a dwelling to live in, I'm constantly on Zillow looking at other dwellings that I'll never live in. Yeah. But maybe it's nice to see ideas of things you can change in your home. Okay. So the way this works is I'm going to show you guys two different Zillow pages.

As we go through, feel free to ask to see things more clearly and describe kind of the general vibe. It doesn't have to be super specific. And then at the end, you're going to decide which one, if you had to live in one, which one would you live in? Here's the first one in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Ann Arbor, Michigan, $315,000. Dreams do come true. Who needs a Barbie dream house when you can have a maintenance-free Barbie dream condo? Okay. It's a condo. Okay. It's a condo. Okay, so the outside is rather unassuming. And the interesting thing

about this is I didn't know houses were condos. I thought condos were only apartments. This is a freestanding condo. Yeah, I'm not quite... Yeah, I guess I didn't

know that either. I think it comes down to... Because my uncle used to live in kind of a complex that's similar to this. Like it was truly a house. It was very large inside, but the houses all looked the same.

And like you had like everyone kind of had like a shared parking arrangement. You'd all have like, like he would be like 291 and 292 for parking spaces. So like, it's kind of like a condo community, but you can have like your own freestanding spot so it's a some kind of complexes are a little bit different throughout the u.s i'll also add i think it has to do with if you own the land underneath the house like you can

own the structure but i think for condos you own the structure but you don't own the land and so it makes interest rates different so I think that's the other technicality. Wait, that's wild. So I own the house, but not the land. So if I really wanted to, I could dig up my house and move it somewhere else. I think there may be something to that. I live in a condo, so I think that's how it works. But it could be different.

Interesting. Kimmy, can you zoom in on the picture on the wall of the gentleman eating? That just looks like a very fun painting. Is he eating spaghetti? It looks like he's eating spaghetti. And then there's like a pile of hamburgers next to him. I mean, sounds like a good time. pile of hamburgers next to it i mean sounds like a good time i love hamburgers well the front is unassuming it's brick with like um i don't know something

and then you go in and in the front door there's like a black rug and then a leopard print couch i don't know it's a yeah but i think it's like draped over i don't know if it's an actual leopard print couch and then in this it's red walls black red walls there's um like the black dog yeah black dog there's a bust there's um a sarcophagus, like a tomb cover on the fireplace on the other side, which is very funny to me. And then there's a picture of the house above it. A picture of the outside of the house.

Oh yes, yep. This is so funny. It's a mix of like Egyptian and- Yeah, Egyptian royalty stuff. Leopard print, lots of leopard. Yeah, Egyptian royalty stuff. Leopard print. Lots of leopard. Yeah, leopard print eyes. Eyes over the hallway entryway.

Lots of leopard. Okay, and now we're in the dining room, I think. And it's very pink. Very, very, very pink. Pink like royal looking curtains. There's a real chandelier there's a medallion holding the chandelier lots of ornate uh mirror frames oh okay and this is the kitchen that is also i actually really like this kitchen i love this kitchen really pink there's like it's like powder pink on the fridge and the cabinets and it's got like some like gold detail on the like inside the cabinets and on the corner there's another it looks like uh chandelier-y thingy hanging from the light

pictures over the sink there's a leopard print dish mat yeah this is a perfect house i love this house so much it does feel like a different person took a turn decorating each room. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Okay, now we're in a Valentine's Day bathroom. Lots of hearts. And then this toilet has a seat cover. Can you even? It's got a little skirt.

A little doily skirt. And then this bedroom has a pillow that says, Call me juicy. one of those pink canopy uh sheer curtain things over the bed i really like that the makeup counter or like makeup desk is a piece of glass over two columns yes it is is that a mirror on the ceiling there's a mirror on the ceiling yeah i think it's so you can watch things happen okay closet lots of pink stuff why did they show the closets full we're not gonna take this stuff if we buy the house we're not gonna take the stuff with it this person loves juicy there's loves so many juicy purses. It's pretty wild. Like, who would have thought?

Who would have thought? And then the bathroom is fun. Oh, my God. It's got some frilly grandma shower curtains. Uh-huh. And then this person, I think, is an influencer because they have a ring light and a mannequin and a little shooting setup.

I like that that's in the listing. They have a shoe chair. I want a shoe chair so bad. They're so ugly. And then a normal bathroom with just a bust. And then they have a whole makeup room with leopard print carpet and pink stripy walls. This also looks like a salon. It does look like a salon.

Also, there's a life-size birthday cake and another shoe chair. Do they just pop out of that birthday cake? I hope so. Just on Friday nights when they're home alone. Wash a dryer. And in the backyard, nothing's happening in the backyard at all. Not one thing. How funny.

They really wanted to keep all their fabulousness a secret. To themselves. Oh, it's not freestanding. It's attached on the back. I see. Interesting. And this one is in Colorado, house number two. Four bedroom, four bath.

A million dollars. One million dollars. This is wild. In Colorado? I get, ugh. So he's like white, furry. Okay, the outside is stone and then vinyl siding and then i don't know what kind of roof that is shingles i think it's old roof angles

inside is very gray it's like a gray leather couch white fluffy rug some sort of like modern glass coffee table the floors are too shiny i don't know what happened to them i don't know if they're wood or vinyl or whatever or yeah they're nasty to me but their dining table is also nasty to me and then they have purple chairs and then a purple carpet with like circles and squares on it that's nasty to me nasty to me nasty to me um yeah stools with purple covers and the kitchen is just like pretty standard nasty to me nasty to me marble top Or not marble, but whatever that... Yeah, crowned top, I think. Ugh!

This bedroom has this nasty gray carpet. The bed does have a purple comforter that I'm, like, chill with. There's purple curtains, but this, again, is nasty to me. It doesn't look like anyone lives here. Like, it looks like someone set it up. And maybe they did. Yeah. But it just, it looks like a bunch of hotel furniture. Yeah.

Oh, this bathroom is nasty to me. It's just gray. Everything's gray. And there's carpet. Oh, a pool table. A pool table. It's nasty. This, it's a pool table. A pool table. It's nasty.

This is all gray and nasty. Is that a Disney Mickey Mouse head? Mickey Mouse cut out of the wall to, like, go to the next. Oh, no. It's a giant Mickey Mouse head that you can walk through and go to their own gray Disneyland. Oh, no. Oh, no. Mickey Mouse said that you can walk through and go to their own gray Disneyland. Ew. Ew. Ew.

There's dwarves painted on the wall. A quote from Walt Disney. There's that little creature from Lilo and Stitch. Yeah. Ew. Yeah. It's like, and there's,

oh, it's a lot of Disney memorabilia, like figurines and stuffed animals and things on the wall. And it just keeps going. Ew. And they have like a haunted... What is that?

It's their guest room. Be our guest. Oh, no. And the door says, Once Upon a Time. Oh, no. And it's got a... I think a mermaid handle on the other side.

Ew. Wow, they really buried the lead. What is that? Do you see that tiny detail at the bottom? No, who's that? Those are those two little mice from Cinderella holding a key to let you into the room. Gross. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I would never stay here. I would say I have to go to a hotel. This is nasty. You get in the room and it's like Bell's dress is the comforter and Woody staring at you and Dumbo's fucking flying. And then you got them frozen bitches. I hate this. Is this like their guest room? Like when guests come over, are they like, please stay our disney lair with no windows there's a disney

fucking bathroom where mickey's feet are ill the showers the oh there's a mickey mouse head mirror mickey mouse head bath rug what are the yeah there's like mickey's shoes coming out of something i don't and i think the shower curtain is supposed to be like mickey's body or something and then his head i don't know maybe he's trying to hide behind i don't understand this i hate it oh here's the outside just back to fucking gray shit so this house is nasty It was a really boring house until you go downstairs and it's Disney World. Imagine spending that much money to have a Disney,

a Mickey Mouse head cut out of your wall. That's disgusting. Oh, no. All right, guys. House one, house two. two house one are you kidding yeah i could never i like oh i would be so upset to um to just know that that was down there in the house that i bought like what creepy shit went down? I don't know.

Not to be rude, but Disney adults are very interesting people to me. Yeah, it's interesting. I like Disney, but I don't want part of my house dedicated to it. Are you a Disney adult? What are the qualifications for a Disney adult? You love Disney World and Land, and you're so excited to go buy your ears and you gotta eat a bunch of stuff from different places. You gotta hit up all the rides that you like.

And you go to Disneyland. You gotta get a bunch of hate. Yeah, the Bahamas will hate me and Disney adults. My two demographics that I love. I mean, I do enjoy going to the park. I haven't been in a very long time. But I wouldn't, yeah, I guess I wouldn't call myself a Disney adult. Okay.

I guess there's nothing wrong with it. I don't want to yuck someone's yum. I think that's a term i can use wait should we help people is it time for that yet it's time to help people? It's time to help the people. The people, they need help. It'd be funny if it was all just Disney adult questions.

I try and propose to my girlfriend, and that would be a good Disney. Hi, Nicole, Sashir, Kimmy, and Jordan. I'm so sorry. I took mushrooms and decided it was a good idea to call it a day. Here's the thing. I just, I don't know if I'm being a bitch, but I have a question about a friend that I made via, we did like one of those apps, like Bumble BFF. We met on that and then her and her husband met me and my husband and we

like, they were fine. We got along. Like, I just, I want to practice this by saying they're perfectly nice, normal people. There's no like weird, there's no weird gotcha at the end of this. It's just, we try to hang out with them a couple times, and it's not really clicking. And I don't know if it's mutual, but I know at least for me and my husband, we're just not vibing with them. We went over to their house yesterday. And so, Cher, I know you love a chair, okay?

We didn't sit the entire time we were there. And I'm going to be very clear. This is not like a, oh, God, what's the very clear this is not like a like a like a um oh god what's the word it's not like a like a religious thing we're all white it's all coming up white like it's not like a cultural that's it it's not cultural there's nothing cultural about it um but we just stood the entire time we stood while we were eating and we stood while we were playing games and we just stood the whole time and they never offered us a chair and i just felt uncomfortable to ask because i was like is there a reason that we're not sitting down?

I don't get this. But I think the question is just that it's not clicking. We're not clicking. I don't know how to break up with them because they're very, very nice people. And they haven't overtly done anything wrong or anything wrong. And I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm probably going to hurt someone's feelings. But it's just it feels like a chore to hang out with them. I don't look forward to it.

And I just don't know if I should just, it happens so infrequently that should I just suffer? Because it's infrequent and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or should I, I don't know. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I took mushrooms and decided to do this, but, um, it's, I just, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I took mushrooms and decided to do this, but I was really curious about what you guys think. I appreciate your opinion when I hear it, and I also thoughts were on that and how to easily let someone down. Or if I shouldn't let them down, if I should just kind of keep going on with it, because it's not like the worst thing in the world. But we definitely don't have a good time hanging out with them. But, you know, any thoughts would be really appreciated. I'm so sorry I called you while I was on mushroom.

You guys have a beautiful, blessed day. You're all made of sunshine. Thank you so much. You're all made of sunshine. She was on mushrooms. I like it. I think everyone should call on mushroom. I'm kidding. So funny. They didn't offer a seat and we just stood there yeah i'm curious i want to know more about that is it like they had chairs and they didn't offer a seat or there were just no seat options i feel like it was like they had chairs but nobody offered to sit so everyone just stood there which is crazy to me whenever people come to my home i go please sit let's sit immediately yeah let's sit immediately hi sit walk in and sit right down but i can't imagine doing all that stuff standing yeah it seems weird um i think you don't have to hang out with these people anymore if you don't want to just be busy yeah people anymore if you don't want to. Just be busy.

Yeah, I was gonna say, just be suddenly busy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because nobody needs to know that you're, like, not ever trying to hang out with them ever again. Just always be busy. Yeah, especially if it's, like, a new friend that you met online. Mm-hmm. It's not like you have to see this person. It's not a co-worker or someone in the friend group you're already in

this is a stranger kind of yeah you don't owe them anything be busy be be always be busy yeah but good for you for trying to make a new friend

I applaud you too it is hard it's hard make a new friend. I applaud you. It is hard. It's hard to make new friends, and I applaud. But this is not the friend for you. Yeah. Or you could blame it on your husband. Be like, look, he doesn't like your husband.

Yeah, my husband hates your husband. He's stinky and rotten. I can't believe it. And that means we can't even hang out together. My husband won't allow it. Yeah, just make your husband sound really abusive. He can't believe it. And that means we can't even hang out together. My husband won't allow it. Just make your husband sound really abusive. He won't allow it. Help me! Help!

I'm trapped in my Disney basement. I can't hang out. Solved. Hi, Nicole Fasheer. Love you both. Thank you for making me laugh out loud in very inappropriate places all of the time. I am calling with a bestie dilemma, for lack of a better term. My long-term BFF of nearly 15 years is going through a really rough time right now. She's currently between jobs.

She's suffering from pandemic-related burnout. She's really just not. She's suffering from pandemic-related burnout. She's really just not having a good time. We've been friends for over 15 years and we're each other's confidant, companion. I try my hardest to be there for her as she does for me. I recently started dating somebody after a long-term, very unhappy relationship ended over the summer. At first, my bestie was encouraging. She was eager to live vicariously through me because she's been in a, like, decade-long relationship herself.

And she really loved to hear about my new partner. And then the other night, said partner came over for a few hours. I was away from my phone. And once he left for the evening, my bestie texted me this paragraph saying she was very hurt that I ghost her whenever partner is around you completely disappear every time and then barely talk to me or respond in return afterwards or after work I know I struggle with this when my mental health gets bad so I don't want to be a hypocrite but this is how I feel and and my response is just question marks like Like, without oversharing, I work two jobs. My commute is solely by foot. I'm a very, very busy person with very few spoons to give as is.

My question isn't really how to deal with what she said in that text, because that's a doozy in and of itself. But her and I have like danced around this for like a week now we've acknowledged it but we've never addressed it because I really feel like I have nothing to apologize for but the thing is I know she's already in an incredibly fragile mental state right now and the last thing I want to do is turn that into a larger issue on top of her shit Sunday so my question is how do you go about telling a friend they're in the wrong when they're already down?

That's something we can even do? Your help is greatly appreciated. Love you both. Thanks for the laughs. Have a good one. I actually don't think either of them are in the wrong. I feel like good on that friend

for being honest and saying how they feel and being like, hey, I'm feeling neglected. They miss you. That's why they're saying anything at all. And you're not wrong to want to prioritize the person who's in front of you when they're in front of you. Like, even if it wasn't your partner, if you had a different friend in your house and you're hanging out with them, you wouldn't want to be on the phone with this best friend because you're currently entertaining somebody else. So I don't think either party is wrong.

I think maybe more communication can happen. Maybe you could be like, my person's coming over. Can I call you later tonight? Or like, can I check in with you tomorrow? But like, I plan on like hanging out with said

person for whatever and you know it's like not like it's not asking permission it's not like keeping tabs on each other but it's just like trying to keep the flow of communication open because then maybe your friend will share like okay like these are moments where i feel like needy or like i feel like i need more attention and i don't know what those moments are maybe it could be after work or on the weekend or whatever but like maybe you can compromise or it's like okay i'll try to call you after work before my person comes over and then i'll spend the whole night with my new person and and hopefully everybody can feel a little tended to but do you understand this is

a new relationship and i might like i might be in my a sometimes and i'm not on call as i used to be but i think there's a way that both of you can feel heard and still appreciate it in the relationship and still appreciate it in the relationship. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't have too much to add. I think that's a really good idea just to let your friend know when you're hanging out with your person, just to be like,

hey, I might not be available right now because I am hanging with, you know, the person that I like, but that doesn't mean you're any less important to me. So you can reach out, and I'll get back to you when I can. And I will try to be prompt with it. Yeah, I think just assuring the friend

that you're not going anywhere might be all they're looking for. Yeah, definitely. Especially like if they're not used to them dating somebody. They might be like, oh no, at first I wanted to live through you because I haven't been in a new relationship in a long time, but now it just feels like you're leaving me. And now I'm scared. And now I have to tell you that I feel like you're ghosting me.

And it's like, well, I'm not ghosting you and I'm still here. And just, yeah, people just sometimes need reassurance. Sometimes us needy people just need to know that no one's leaving yeah and there's nothing wrong with that they just it's a change in behavior so everyone just seems like a little like a little check-in which i think is normal a little check-in just a little check-in solved solved one more give us one more give us one more

Kimmy hi my name is Miranda my pronouns are she her she or Nicole I love your podcast and listen to it and look forward to it every single week you make me laugh you make me feel empathy you bring

common humanity to this experience of friendship, and I appreciate you. My question is, how do you deal with a friend who pathologically lies? Like, there's no social gain from the lying. There's no, it's not like this person's blind to protect someone's feelings, like a little white lie. Like, oh, that truck looks great on you. Like, it's not like that kind of lie you know protecting people's feelings you know it's it's like whole narratives are crafted and details are thrown in and you can kind of tell that details are being made up on the spot

and it's clear that it's not it just doesn't seem truthful because of how often this person is paid to decide as a victim or the hero or the person who was vindicated or the person who was like, you know, everything was resolved in their favor or whatever and congratulate me or whatever. Just to make her look better. That's what my friend is doing and it didn't come to a head until she told a story that involved um a mutual between my brother and her and the story that she told wasn't true I knew it wasn't true because I already knew all of the details of it. And instead of calling her out because I didn't think that would go well, I started asking clarifying questions because people who don't tell truths like they hate clarifying questions. And so that, you know, she responded with some truths, some obvious things, kept lying a little bit. And that, you know, she responded with some truth, some obvious things, kept lying a little bit.

But here's my question. Is it okay to stop hanging out with somebody who does this? Like, it's harmless. Like, it ultimately is harmless. This person's super nice. I, you know, love her as a friend. Otherwise, it's just, why do you do this? And is it me why do I tolerate this also?

Is it disrespect? Am I being nice at the cost of my own self-respect? What's going on here and what do I do? Is it right for me to want to distance myself from this friend just for this behavior that happens all the time?

Should I be direct with her about it i don't know what do you think i mean it's a hard one i think it's safe to distance yourself from people like that i guess but if it's like harmless little lies i have a friend who exaggerates everything all the time and i've just learned that i think she just wants her life to be more exciting than it is and it is harmless and i love her very much so i'm just like that's fine and i don't like correct her on things because she'll retell stories of like things that i've been there before and they'll be more fantastical than i remember happening and i just go okay because I remember like sometimes people embellish

because they actually think that's how it happened. You know how like every story has, it's like the truth, my side, your side. Because sometimes I'll like, like very recently I was telling you about somebody I don't like. And I was like, listen, listen to this text message they sent.

And then I read it and I went, actually, that's not that bad. And you were like, yeah, I was about to say. And it's like, because my brain skewed it because I don't like that person that this is like an awful text. So sometimes I feel like when people tell stories, their stories are skewed by like how they perceive things.

But if it's like outright lying and like you hate it then you know you don't have to talk to them but i i think sometimes things like is this person actually lying or do you just not like them do you know what i mean maybe i mean from this person's call it sounds like it was full narratives that were being creative, not like little embellishments. And then also one that involved her brother. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Oh, boy.

I'm really taking up for this liar. Yeah. I was like, were you listening? Just let them tell stories. Maybe they want to write a book. Support them. They just want their life to be more fun. No, it really sounds like I'm trying to get my agenda out.

Anyway, yeah, don't be their friend. Leave them in a gutter. Well, yeah, I guess there's, if people are doing like harmless embellishments, it's not crazy, but, and also some people genuinely misremember stuff. But yeah, I personally have not encountered pathological liars i have i know people who do have people like that in their lives and i think it's best to just be like this is a

this can be a sometimes friend like we can brunch we can be chill but i don't think you should trust this person with like like big parts of your life because i don't know it's scary they because they don't know they're doing it sometimes there's zero reason for why they're doing it do you think pathological liars they don't know they're lying or do they know they're lying uh i think they don't dang that must be wild what a wild way to live i know because sometimes i mean that there are liars who try to be opportunists and get something out of it but some people who just lie just because i don't understand that me either so and then like i don't know i guess he could confront this person but like what what would the result i don't think confronting will

be good i don't think because then it's like a bunch of justifications and maybe lies about the lies yeah yeah if you don't want to be around a liar get out of there or just keep them at arm's distance that too downgrade the relationship a bit don't keep solved yeah i think i guess i don't know maybe i didn't listen too good. I don't think you did. But that's okay. Gee, my pure ears were having trouble taking things in. You're like, I'll pay you. Well, if you have a query about friendship or just something you want to get off your chest,

we have an email. It is Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com. We also have a phone number for you to call and stuff. 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. We also have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe.

That is the easiest way to support this show. Yes. Bye. Bye.