Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer’s the Minister of School

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer ponder if house rules still count playing Uno at a casino, how far past the expiration date you can eat Ranch, the similarities between playing Spoons and Horse, take a quiz to discover which funky kitchen gadget they are, and answer some listener questions!This Episode’s Quiz: https://www.buzzfeed.com/sarahaspler/which-funky-kitchen-gadget-are-you?utm_term=.qrGB9NbOa#.pqvyNWwOGWatch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Oh, hello, Nicole. I'm good. I'm stretched out. Oh, good. You stretched this morning? No, I got turned.

No, I'm kidding. I worked out this morning, and then I did, like, a little stretch on my own. Nice. Because I thought I was having sciatica nerve. Ciotic nerve? Pain? I was having pain, and I thought it was, I think it's called the sciatica nerve. Syatic nerve.

Or sciatic nerve. But sciatica is something, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I think sciatica is like the ailment on your sciatic nerve. I thought it was that nerve. Mm-hmm.

But I don't think so. I think I just overstretch something. So I've been doing stretches and then rolling a ball on the bottom of my foot. And it's really helping it. Oh, good. I don't remember where I was going with that. Just that you're stretched out? I guess.

Oh, my goodness. We just started and the brains already floating away. That's okay. But before we started, we were talking about games. Yes, I was talking about a lot on the clock tower, and I had never played it before, and it's a lot. There's a lot of rules. There's a lot of people. All the people have different roles.

And then they're lying to you. And it's like, wait, I just learned what your job is. And you're telling me that's not actually your job. It's a different thing. This is a secret just for you. It's a lot. I love a game. I love playing games.

But when there's too many rules, I'll play it. I cannot guarantee you I'll learn any of them. Yeah. I played a card game. Como? Comia. Yeah. Where you have these four cards.

Yeah. And then you're allowed to look at, the last two cards, and then you, me. I'm tasked with remembering what those two cards are, but people can switch and snatch my card, and then I'm supposed to remember their cards as well? Actually, it is a good game to, like, keep your memory sharp, like, in life as we age, because we have to think about that stuff.

Probably. But I really couldn't do it. Yeah. It was so hard. I played like four rounds and I was a loser each round. Oh no. But I smiled and I said, deal me back in, Diva. I mean, thankfully, they have the little like rule card or like what each card lets you do.

So you can look at that as much as possible. But like the hardest part is remembering, what are my cards? Yes. And which order? Where are they sitting? Yes. And also I just look to somebody else's card. What's that card?

Yes. Do I want that card? Yes. It's too much. Give me Uno or give me death. Yeah. I love Uno. Uno is very, like, at least it says it on the card.

This is what it is. Very easy. I get my cards and I go, okay. What colors match? Draw four. I'll do that. Some have arrows. It's nice.

Yeah. Tell me exactly what I need to do. I've tried playing poker several times. Yeah. And it took. so many times for me to understand that it's not just my hand. Yeah. You have to think about what other people can be making with their hands.

And I was like... How do you keep track of that? So when I think I've played Texas Hold'em... I don't know. There's like eight-card studs. There's like Buffalo Bill style. I don't know. There's so many different styles of poker.

but like there's flops. Oh, God. I'm not explaining this well. So you get, there's three cards. You have two. You're trying to make the best out of five cards. And then once the like fourth card comes out, you know what your hand, the best hand you can have.

So if people are staying in, they're either bluffing or like they have. It sounds like a lot. I don't think I ever, no, you guys did try to teach me. And I don't know if I ever got it. I've played so many. times and I don't know if I have it. Yeah.

Give me a slot. Ding-ling-ling-l-ling-l-l-ling-l-l-l-l-l-dain. Double-spin! That I fucking get. Did they ever add Uno to the casinos? I think that was just a fun threat. Oh. Yeah.

But I don't think they did. I don't think they did either. Allie, do you mind looking up if you can play Uno in a Vegas casino? I hope it's a cosmopolitan. Because you like that one. That's my favorite hotel there. It's nice. That's nice.

Is that the one with the flamingos? No, that's the flamingo. That makes sense. Okay, the Palms Casino Resort in Vegas has, you can play Uno there. Oh. Whoa. I wonder what the buy-in is. Yeah, is it saying?

Yeah, what's like the minimum bet that you have to bet on a Uno game? It's not saying what the minimum bet is. Oh, I wonder if it's just like a slot or something. a branded slot machine. Oh, that's not fun though. You want to play with people at a table. Yes, I want to look people in the eyes. Although I feel like fights would break out.

Yes. People get very angry. Well, because I don't know how you play Uno, but like me, you can like stack cards. Yeah. And then the official Uno game says you can't. You have to play one at a time. But you're not the boss of me, Uno.

That's how I play. What games did you play? play growing up? Shoots and ladders? No, not shoots and ladders. I feel like I put a lot of silly games, like spoons. Do you know spoons? No. Spoons is where you line up a bunch of spoons in the middle. And I think you have maybe one less spoon than the people playing. And then everyone has cards, but I don't remember what you do with the cards. What do you do with the cards? Allie, do you You might look like you have spoons? Yeah.

It was, I don't know if you had to like run out of cards in your hand. Maybe it was like a, like, what was it? Players rapidly pass cards to their left trying to form a set. And then once a player takes a spoon, everyone else must grab one, leaving one player without a spoon to get a letter spelling spoon or be eliminated. Yeah. So it's kind of like horse, the basketball game. Do you know?

Horse? Or you're trying to spell horse. Like you, like, someone does a shot from the free throw line. Yeah. And then someone has to match that shot. And if you miss it, you get H. And then you do someone does another shot and you can try to match it. If you miss it, you get, oh.

And if you get a horse, first you lose. I guess from this one you're trying to get the spoon. It just, it was a different game that has spelling. I've played horse before. I had no idea we were spelling horse. I just knew what times I would be done and they'd be like, you're out.

That's funny. I had no idea. But you didn't question it. You were just like, I guess I'm out. I was like, I guess. I guess I didn't hit enough baskets. I'm out. Because I thought it was, wait, I guess

H-O-R-S-E. Huh. I'm actually blown away. That is. I wonder if there's more games I played that I just didn't understand why I couldn't play anymore. You just thought they were done with you. Sit down. You're done.

When I would do it at basketball camp, they'd be like, all right, Nicole, you're out. And I'd be like, oh, okay. Not a competitive bone in your body. You're like, I guess that's my time. That's it. That was my time. I guess I didn't shine. I don't know.

I'm actually blown away. Wow. That's very funny. No, I've been like, why? I did as good as everybody else, but I also probably did know what the rules were. Yeah, before you started, you probably were like, can we just double back and let me know what those rules are?

But I grew up as a fat kid. If I don't have to do more exercise, I'm not questioning it. So you're like, actually, I'm winning. I actually won this bad. You all think I'm losing, but I get to sit down, so I think I'm at. actually a winning. Would you make up

excuses in gym to be like to gather things? Yes. I had asthma. Oh. I do not have asthma. But I think I have now asthma. Current asthma? I have current asthma.

Well, every time I run to catch a flight, I cannot stop coughing and wheezing. That happens to me too sometimes. And I feel like there's a name for it. I think it's like exercise in due. used to asthma or something like that. I think you're right. I think I have that.

Whenever my body has to move fast unexpectedly, it's like, whoa. We weren't ready for that. And then I'm just like coughing and shit. And people are moving away from me. And I'm like, good. Don't be near me. But yeah, when I was a kid, I could run just fine. I would just get tired.

Yeah. But I'd be like, I have asthma. Or I'd be like, oh, my knees hurt. Or I would just sit down in the middle of the field and not get up. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I don't understand. I mean, now in retrospect, I understand why they were like,

it's good to move your body. I was like, I'm a kid. Let me sit. If we had to just swim or anything, I would be like, oh, my mom, period. Because I didn't want to get my hair wet because it was permed and then be a whole thing. Yeah. And it would be like, like, drying throughout the day. Which also so weird that we had gym in the middle of the day, a school day,

and had to, like, go to class afterwards. is all, like, sweaty? Yeah. I also think you swam in the middle of the day? Sometimes. We didn't have a pool at school. Oh. Are you sure?

So funny. I don't know. Okay. Where would the pool be? Where would the pool be? I don't... But we had a swim team. Where do they go?

Some schools go to like off-site pool, so maybe there's an off-site pool somewhere. I would say I'm 92% sure that we did not have a pool because I never got into a pool. It was never offered to me. Someone offered to me, I would be in that pool. I love swimming. I was a water baby. I would go swimming. Yeah, there was no pool at high school.

For some reason, I do feel like I saw a pool when we went to your high school. I mean, I can't be certain But it felt like there was like a large glass window Where you could like look down And there was a pool But maybe I That was the cafeteria where they would not let me eat anything Nobody would let me eat there

It was so wild I was like, what are you hiding? But if you like high school is crazy So You get up You go there, they immediately are like, eat your lunch. I just woke up. Well, that's not true. They don't say, they don't immediately, a lot of hours happen before you get to lunch.

Maybe that's when you got to school. But when you get to school, you have a few classes first and then you go to lunch. Well, when we went to my high school, lunch was over by noon. You get there at nine, right? I think I got there like eight. I'm pretty sure I got there at nine. 9 to 10, 10, 10, 11. That's three hours I've been awake. Yeah. I got to eat lunch.

And now I got to run around. That's wild. Then we can do everything. It's too much, actually. It is too much. So, wait, I'm so sorry. I'm stuck on this pool thing. Yeah.

So at like three, three, or not three, that's when you go home. Mm-hmm. At, like, new, wait. This is the time of the day. So much happens, but I'm like, At what time? Yeah. So like at 1130, you're getting into a pool, getting wet, and then going to class wet?

Yeah. A lot of people, a lot of girls just had wet hair. I think you could shower after, but still you had to go to class. That's so wild. Uh-huh. But aren't classes just like an hour long? Yeah. That's what you're getting wet for a half hour and then you got to shower?

I guess so. That's nuts. That's nuts. That's nuts. And then you've got to change. You're in the pool for 15 minutes. Mm-hmm. I also had, because I was on the volleyball team,

I also had a weightlifting class during school. What? I think other athletes did, too. Was this instead of gym or in addition to gym? That I don't remember. I hope instead. I don't remember. This is nuts.

I remember sitting at a desk. And I would move to another desk. And then they'd take us outside for a little bit. And then I'd sit at another desk. But that, like, now that I'm thinking about that, I mean, maybe our brains are more, like, I mean, our brains are definitely more malleable when we're younger and more probably able to, like, withstand that stuff. But, like, getting an hour of information of very different subjects every day throughout the day. That's wild. Why isn't it, like, Tuesday's Science Day?

Wednesday's Social Studies Day. Thursday's Math Day. Fridays, arts, you know, like, to go, to jump from one thing to the next, and then you have to do homework for all of those classes for like the next day. That's crazy. That is crazy. You should run for school reform. I should. Someone should.

You should be the minister of school. I want to be the minister of school. Department of Education. Let me be your minister. If I become the head of the Department of Education, I'm changing it to the minister. minister of school. I simply couldn't remember what it was called, but that's a very good idea. Right?

Like, heath them into it. Why are we throwing so much information at them at like every hour of the hour? I don't know. That's crazy. But then also, it gives it time to like settle. Do you know what I mean? Totally. Like if I didn't get it on Monday, I'm not going to get it on Tuesday.

Certainly that. But if I get it, if I don't get it on Monday, I might get it the next Monday because it had time to Marinate. Let it marinate. Let our brains marinate. Like, meat is better if you let it sit. And our brains are meat. This is my thinking meat. And I'm going to petition to rename the brain to thinking meat. Wow. I really think you're onto something. Yeah. Who should we talk to, Michelle Obama? Yeah, she may be into that. Can't talk to anybody in the current administration. No. No, I really I don't think you could. Not to get political, but we went to dinner on Sunday.

And the biggest news that I had heard about was Meg and Clay broke up. And-Magely Salium and Clay Thompson. Yeah. And I was like, I was stuck on that. And then our friend Tess was like, yeah, the shooting at the White House correspondence dinner. And I was like, what? And still my algorithm will not show it to me. Yeah.

Yeah. It's really wild. It's a bit like clouded in secrecy. Kind of. I'm like, isn't this a big deal? Not to my internet. Yeah, nor mine. No, my internet's really stuck on that man.

Everyone's tearing him to shreds. It's really funny. Yeah. Someone tweeted, oh, so we could finally say that he looks like the PBS logo and PBS. commented. They're like, why are we in this now? That's really funny. I said, yes.

Get it! Don't defund them. Yeah. They're funny. They're getting it in. That's funny. That is very funny. But like, like, I can't imagine.

I mean, it keeps happening. Like, people are like, how can you not want to not be monogamous with Megan the Stallion? But then you remember, like, someone cheated on Beyonce. Somebody cheated on Hallie Berry. Like, it doesn't matter. Which is crazy. That is crazy.

It blows me away all the time. Men getting cheated on. I'm like, yeah, you probably did something. You probably did something to her that day. I never blame a woman for stepping out. Men in male-dominated fields. Or women in male-dominated fields. But, yeah.

That name was so lucky. So lucky. She was cooking for his family. They were the whole family. this bitch was a caterer for Thanksgiving tubs of food. Yeah. She could just hire people, but she cooked herself. Because she loved that man.

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And we're back. And we're back. Blows me away. Did you see that came out a while ago, but like, I forgot the website, but there's some really horrible website of men,

coaching other men on how to like drug their partners and like assault them. And it got, it's like 64 million clicks a day. Yes. It's horrifying. Yes.

To be like, oh, I'm just like surrounded by men who probably have been on the site or like who probably either know about it, watched it, uploaded stuff on it who like are just aware of assault and not saying anything. Yeah, it's wild. It makes me feel crazy. Like, even crazier than not knowing what goes on at schools when I went to a school. Like this is awesome. Like, this is so. I know a man. Do you do best stuff?

Do you do this? Have you been to that site? Like, it's just so wild. It's really wild. And then also I'm like, I don't know. I guess I'm just, I'm not a predator by nature. And thank God for that. I'm not naughty by nature.

So, like, I just don't understand, like, when you would, like, get the idea to do something like that. And then I do, I really don't understand creating a whole website about it. it. Like, that's so many extra steps. Yeah. Well, obviously, like, there's a demand for it. Yeah. Ugh. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. Yeah. Despicable me. Release the names. Honestly, they should. I don't understand why they don't do things like that. Well, what would happen? I don't know. There was a whole thing with Ashley Madison. Do you remember that?

The, like... Oh, the Sugar Baby site? Was it sugar babies or is like, are you... A fair. A fair. Yeah. Oh, I see. Mm-hmm.

Someone hack into that site and release the names. Yeah, release the names. Yuck. Imagine your boyfriend's... Like, oh, my God. That'd be horrifying. Ugh. Should we take a quiz?

We need to cleanse. Let's cleanse the palate, yeah. My goodness. Which clever kitchen gadget are you? Nice. Okay, this is a pick me up. Pick a condiment. Ketchup.

That ketchup looks nasty. It's bright. Barbecue sauce. Maple syrup. Pesto. Mayo. Rant. Hot sauce.

Soy sauce. Wow. I like barbecue sauce. You do like barbecue sauce. Yeah. Hmm. You do like that brown, brown sauce. That's the thing about me.

Yeah. I'm going to say ranch. Oh, you love ranch. I love ranch. And my ranch bottle had expired. And I kept using it and it kind of kept hurting my tummy every time I used it. Yeah. And then I said to the nice man in my life, I was like, ugh, I can't use the ranch today.

It's expired. And he's like, I know you kept saying it. But that ranch in the refrigerator is not expired. I replaced it. Oh. So it was hurting for a different reason? No. I had been eating expired ranch.

And then I stopped eating it. and I kept saying it was expired. And then he switched it, but didn't tell me. No. But isn't that nice? That's really nice. He's hearing you. He really is.

That's nice. I think he's also tired of my stomach hurting all the time. He's like, let's just get in the fault. It's also like, because I thought you were referring to the expired ranch episode. Years ago where you had a huge tub of ranch. And we kept Googling, when is it, how far past the expiration day can you eat ranch? But you're still working your way through this tub of ranch. And I didn't realize there was a more recent story of you eating expired ranch.

There's always a story of me eating expired ranch. Because for whatever reason, I'm like, it's shelf stable. It lasts forever. It doesn't. So are you just like buying it and stalking it? Yes. Oh, okay. Because if I don't buy in stock things, then when they run out, I won't have them.

Right. And then I'll forget to get them. So it's like, I have a stockpile of mouthwash, toothpaste. Like I'll always buy things like two, three at a time. I see. But then they expire. Mm-hmm. You know, in the moment when I had that tub of ranch, it really seemed like a good idea.

But in hindsight, in hindsight. You can go home. I think you're parked not super far away. You can really just get in that car and speed on home. Looking back on it. How gross. I had a gallon-sized tub of ranch that I was ladling ranch out of. And then it got so old that I had to start cleaning the top.

because it would crust up at the top, and that was not an indicator to me that this might not be good anymore. Damn. And I lived with somebody who wasn't like, my sister in Christ, this is disgusting. He just watched me ladle.

Months, months. I think I had it for like six or seven months. It was a long time. I do remember this. It's disgusting. Yeah. Sometimes you make a choice, though. Wait, what's the nastiest thing

you've ever done with food? I've definitely I had a joke about cooking expired chicken. It was gray. It was gray and slimy. I was like the heat will kill all the germs.

And I threw up because my body was like, it is bad. This is bad. It actually can't have this. Yeah. All right, pick a dream kitchen. There is a very clean,

modern, white, and wood kitchen. Yes. This one is just, I would say a white stone countertop and teal subway tile. This one is yellow. It's yellow. Okay, this one, this one's red. This one's a galah blue under the cabinet lighting.

This one has a stone back splash, if you will, a natural but industrial kitchen. This one has exposed brick and a lot of wood shelving. I got to say all these kitchens are rather similar. They're pretty similar. This one is black modern though. Mm-hmm. And this one is red.

Another red one. Another red kitchen. I'm going to go at that first one because it feels the most homey. Yeah, definitely. The other one's kind of... Bad. Steril.

Yeah. I'm going to say the lower exposed brick one. Ooh. That's also a hummy. Yeah, I like that one. What's your favorite food? Spinach dip.

That's really funny. That's a funny first one. Yes. I've never heard anyone say spinach dip. I've never heard anyone in the history of living that was like, you know what my absolute favorite food is? Spinach dip. Oh my God. You know what I'm making all day?

Spinach dip. Also, they're dipping like a Dorito in there. Like, it's all off. It's off. Mac and cheese? Pancakes. Pizza. Tacos.

Rice. Ice cream. Sushi. Spaghetti and meatballs. The range is all over the place. It's wild. Um, pizza is mine.

Yeah, pizza is good. Pizza is good. Pizza good. I'm between spinach dip. No, I'm kidding. Um, I think I'm going to have to go with spaghetti and meatballs. Okay.

Oh my God. A good spaghetti enemy bow. Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. What's your least favorite food? Oh, Brussels sprouts. Olives.

Anchovy. Whoa, that picture is sick. Look, I've never seen an anchovy presented that way. They're all curled up. Cottage cheese. Mushrooms. Avocado. Interesting.

Pickles. Salmon. A runny egg. I used to not like Brussels sprouts. I think because cartoons told me not to. But as an adult, I really like them. I like them. They just got to be crisped up.

Crisped up. Crisped. Are these brussels crisped? Are they crisped? Okay. Olives, I think, are sick. Yeah, I don't like olives. Antubes are disgusting.

Yeah. Cottage cheese is a texture I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Mushrooms are so gross. Pickles are disgusting. Salmon is so, so to me. But what do I hate the most? Yeah. I would probably say pickles for me because they're more prevalent.

I feel like if you're like, I don't want anchovies, people are like, I understand. I don't want olives. That's fine. Someone else eat olive. If you're like, I don't want pickles, there's pickles everywhere. Everyone's always trying to force pickles on you. Put pickles in things. Pickle different things.

Like, pickles are everywhere. I agree. And when you say, people are like, I can't believe. You don't like pickles? And I'm like, no. No. No, I don't. I don't like old cucumbers.

No. I want them fresh. I also have to say pickles because if you say no pickles on a burger and it comes with a pickle, now your burger is damned. Yeah. Yeah, because it still has the pickle taste on it. Yes. Whereas like an olive and a martini, if you pull that out, it doesn't leave olive residue. That's true.

Mm-hmm. Pick a fancy cooking word. Suvied? Chiffonade. Coddling. Rendering. Flambé. Julienne.

Emulsion. Maserate. Rue. Oh. I dated someone who would suave chicken all the time. And it took so fucking long. And it didn't taste any better than if it was just cooked the normal. way.

I would say I like Rue. Rue's a good word. Yeah, Rue. I'm going to say emotion because it reminds me of Jacques Torres. Oh, nice.

He used to say, an emotion has to happen. I like that. Yeah. What's the ultimate food pairing? Wine and cheese. Fries and ketchup. Chocolate and

chili. Oh. I guess I've seen chocolate bars that have like chili flakes in them. I don't enjoy them, but I've seen them. Not where my brain went.

Like the ground beef chili? Yes. Like Wendy's chili and a frosty. I was like, that sounds sick. Wait, Wendy's chili and a frosty just sound good though. Not like together, but like if you got them in a meal.

You're like, no, that's like a meal. P.B. and J. Cheese and crackers. Mato and basil. Just tomato No, okay Yeah, like I guess a caprici salad

Without the cheese Cheese, yeah Sip, apples Apples and cinnamon I saw cinnamon And then started saying that But then realized that apples was first And then had a

Aneurism It was hard Raman and egg Which is it funny It's not like Is that a pairing? It feels like egg is just In ramen

But sure Bread and butter Hmm. P.B. and J. Classic. Yeah. I'm going to do for the sake of being different, fries and ketchup. Oh, I saw that there's a, there's going to be a French fry festival in L.A. This summer. We should go. Sure. This summer, I'll be there. In July.

Oh, okay. Nicole, this is you. I'm a bike pizza cutter. You're full of energy. You never get too tired. Get it? Oh, my God. And then you can buy it on Amazon.

Is this a fucking ad? This is a fucking ad. Did we spend our time? We spent our time on an ad. Taking a quiz. So we can buy things? So I can spend $15. Oh my God.

This is a corn cob stripper that looks like a flashlight. It's you put, you see. stick the corn cup in this cylinder thing. You're always there when your friends need you the most. You're their shoulder to cry on and ready to hear their confessions. Who wrote this? Me? Truly.

Everyone could go home. It does look like a fleshlight. I wonder if somebody saw that. There are so many things men can buy to put their dicks in. And I feel like a couple, it took a long, it was like dildos, vibrators. And then they, then the clit sucking thing came out. It took a minute for the clit sucking thing to come out. Oh, yeah.

Revolutionary. Yeah. But men have full-blown blow-up dolls. They have cock rings, fleshlights. It's crazy. Yeah. I mean, I think for many years they were the ones manufacturing things. So they're like, well, I'm going to think about my needs.

What I want. Yeah. You don't have a sex toy drawer, do you? I have sex toys in a drawer, but I guess the drawer itself is that... Oh, there's other things in there? There's other things in there. It's not solely dedicated to toys. I often, yeah.

I often think, I'm like, when I'm good and gone, someone's going to have to clear that out. Oh, well. Let's take a break. Trying to figure out how to get the right mental health treatment for you can feel overwhelming. Talkyatri helps you move from I Know I Need Help to actually having a psychiatrist who listens and a clear personalized treatment plan. Talkyatri is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only platforms, talkyatry is psychiatry.

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Your treatment can evolve with you, so you're actually making progress over time. More than 300,000 patients have already found high-quality psychiatric care through, talkiatry. Head to talkhyatry.com slash best friends to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talkhyatry.com slash best friends to get matched in minutes. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Let's talk about that thing you keep saying you'll do the new career, the next step, the dream you keep putting off because life is busy and change feels hard. But what if it

didn't have to be. Chamberlain University has been preparing health care professionals for over 135 years as the nation's largest nursing school, Chamberlain offers flexible programs built around your life, faculty who genuinely care and a community ready to lift you up. Maybe today is the day, maybe your someday starts now, because here's what Chamberlain wants you to know. You've got this and we've got you. Learn more at chamberlain. E.D.U. Chamberlain University, belong to something greater, certified to operate by Shev. I'm always looking for new places to shop online, and lately I've been seeing Whatnot all over my feed. So I decided to check it out. It's a live shopping app and my new favorite way to find amazing deals on everything from clothes to bags to accessories.

Whatnot is the largest live shopping marketplace in the country. It allows users to enjoy a trusted shopping experience in a real-time format. It's an online one-stop shop with over 10,000 fashion beauty and bag sellers, which means there's always something for every buyer to discover live right now. Live shopping is a community-driven experience with real-time engagement among the like-minded shoppers looking for great deals. Best part, you almost never pay full price. Shop name brands without retail prices and connect with passionate sellers to discover unbeatable deals. I'm always looking for new hats. and, you know, sometimes I want a fuzzy hat because my head gets really cold, especially when there's AC inside.

And so I went on to What Not and I found some great hat options. I found this one. It was like $36. It was so fun. People are giving me so many compliments on it and it's great. Download What Not app today and get free shipping on your first order. Just search W-H-A-T-N-O-T-W-N-O-T-W-N-O-T in the App Store and start scoring amazing deals. I am going through Friends, the TV show right now. And there's an episode, they had like a really annoying neighbor that led below them. It would always, like, use his broom to, like, hit the ceiling and be like, you guys are making too much noise. And one day he dies and he left in his will that those friends get everything in his apartment.

No. I don't know why. I have no idea what, like, this is such a crazy. set up for a storyline. But they, like, but they, like, moved past it quickly. They were like, I guess we get all his stuff because he had no family. And, but they're, but like, then they were like, I guess it was kind of like a chore because they were mostly like cleaning up his stuff because he was kind of like a hoarder. So they were like, ugh, this task that we have, it was really an excuse for them to go through all his stuff and like look at the past. And then Chandler kind of realizing, wait, am I turning into this man? because he's so curmudgeony and, like, nitpicky, and I am too.

I don't want to die alone like this man. He's having like an existential crisis. But it's so crazy that he's like, I leave all my things to my upstairs neighbors. Yeah, after he finished banging, he was like, they deserve all this. Yeah. That's wild.

Do he know their names? Or do you just say upstairs neighbor? I can't remember. I don't know. I think he's, oh, it did say like, the loud ones upstairs or something like that. And a notary was like, got it. That's enough for us.

That's legal. Stamped it. That's wild. It's very, I mean, it's like, it's a TV show, but it's a very silly premise. Well, it might be fiction, but it needs to be rooted in reality. No, I'm kidding. It actually doesn't. I actually really like watching things where they're just like, there's no reason for this.

Get in it. Just get in it. We're just doing it right now. Who cares? Yeah. I watched an insane movie last. night where the premise was it was Ethan Hawke, Willem Defoe, other people? There was other people in it. It wasn't just a two-hander. There was other people.

Where everyone in the world is a vampire and people are going extinct. And it's set in the future where everyone's driving a Chrysler. And I was like, well, that's a bummer. That we're not doing it. There are no more Chrysler. Or I think they produce maybe still the Pacific Anyway, but they have these cars where they black out the windows and then when you're driving a video, like a screen shows you the road because the sun. Oh, that's pretty funny. And it was a lot of things were very funny. They had a subwalk to get to the subway because. Can't walk outside.

Can't walk outside. So you've got to go. And it seemed like it was connected to like people's homes. And I was like, wait, that's wild. And then what was the other thing that I was like, whoa. At one point, Ethan Hawk does go out in the sun and he opens his car door and the car goes, warning, UV Ray, warning UV Ray. Just in case you forget.

Yes, yes. But then all he was wearing was a hat and sunglasses. And I was like, doesn't seem like the sun's doing that much. It was such a funny movie because it was like, all. of the things they had to think of. Like, people would get coffee but get blood in the coffee. And I was like, why are they getting coffee? Skip the coffee part.

Just get your cup of blood. Yeah. They're like, I still need a pickney up. I'm tired. Still need a little caffeine. It was a wild movie, but I was like, all right. Yeah. Sure.

They didn't explain why there's more vampires than people. And I was like, and do I care? I simply don't. What happens when they weren't out of people? Was that part of the movie? That was the whole thing. They were running out of people, and they were trying to create a synthetic blood. But then something else happens, and I don't want to ruin it for you because you might watch it.

I might. Who know? You might stumble upon it because I could not tell you the name of it. Vampires are always, like, so rich in movies. But which makes sense, they've been alive for centuries. But here's the thing. In the movie, there were poor vampires. What the hell?

Oh, no. Yes, there was like somebody who was like, I think they had a sign that was like, need blood. That's really funny. Got some spare blood. But, I mean, in a world where vampires are the minority, yeah, if you've been around for a hundred years and can't fucking figure it out. That's on you. Get staked. Get staked.

Get staked. It's dick, man. I can't figure the fuck out. That's wild, dude. That's funny. I got into a fight with the nice man last night. It wasn't a fight, but I was like, if I got turned into a vampire, would you be my human? He was like, no.

And I was like, what? When you say that, do you mean, like, a familiar? Like, he's your, like, human friend or, like, human to drink blood from? Both. Like, I was like, you'd be my partner, but also when I'm hungry, I bite you. And his whole thing was like, well, then I'm being used. And I was like, no, I'm choosing you. If I'm a vampire, I can have any whole person to suck on.

But like, I want to suck on you repeatedly. Yeah, go out and suck on other people. Other people? Strangers? I love you. And I went on for too long because he was like, and I was like, what are you done with this conversation? He was like, kind of. And I was like, but you don't want to be my part.

That's very funny. And then he was like, well, I mean, if we were both vampires, then, you know, we can be together. I was like, oh, my God, do you want to, like, spend an eternity with me? And he was like, I'm trying to, but you're making it really hard. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm making it hard. Do you think your girlfriend would want to be your human? Yeah, I think so. Or should be like, no, just make me a full vampire.

But then, in this scenario, the humans, are dying out. So you need, you need blood from somewhere. That's why I wasn't going to turn him until they figured out the blood situation. Maybe we would have kids and then I turn her into a vampire

and then we suck us like our kids. And then you would lose your children. letting them know what's happening. I will say this, because you don't want kids in real life. I do feel like that's a reason why people have children. not to suck their blood, but to use them for their own gratification.

I mean, it's, well, I don't want to say something to upset parents, but it does feel like it is for the parent because these children aren't even alive, so they're not consenting to being born at all. It is a personal desire. They're like, I want to have kids. I want to raise a family. And that's great. Go ahead and do that. But it is for them. And that's interesting.

Yeah, all these people I hear are having kids. Like, it suck their blood. And also, like, I mean, I don't think everyone's thinking about this, like, first thought when they're thinking about having kids, but it is also, like, in hopes that they're, like, in hopes that they're. take care of you when you're old. And that's not a great reason to be brought into this world. No. Yeah, whenever people are like, I can't believe, you know, you're going to put your mother in a home or whatever.

It's like, why not? She lived past being able to take care of herself and I don't want to take care of her. And there's people are being employed to do that. And that's great. We're creating jobs. Yeah. Should we answer questions and queries? Let's do it. I can't believe you said you would have children to then suck their blood.

Well, how is that different from sucking my partner's blood? Because they're an adult making consent to it. The kid says, what are you doing? You go, shut up. Hey, Nicole and Sashir. I listened to the last episode and Ella Maffaioed when Nicole mentioned, performing at Family Weekend at my college freshman year. My family and I were one of the few only laughing and having a great time in the audience. What was this to you? Get me again!

You were absolutely fantastic. Now to my question. I have so many friends that I have a hard time keeping in touch with while I lived abroad in Czechia, and I feel like such a bad friend for not staying in touch. I try my best to check in, but I feel like it's not enough. you handle long-distance friendships with multiple time zones involved. Love you both and everyone on the team. You're one of many highlights of my week. Yolka, your new favorite drag queen. Oh, okay.

I really like Marco Polo, but not everyone likes it. I tried to get you to use it. I did. I used it. Yeah, but like, I don't know if you liked it because you stopped. And then you kind of were just like, here I am using it. But, like, didn't really say anything. Drag me. One of the few families laughing.

Did you like it? I don't know. So it's a app. It's a video messaging app where you can, like, leave a message. Like, the camera's facing you, you're talking. You leave a message on the app. And then someone can go into the app whenever they want. watch your video and then they leave a message for you.

And then you have like a thread where it's like your whole conversation. And it can be you and multiple people or you in one other person. And I like it. And you can send pictures too. But it's like a nice word to be like, here's a check in. But like you don't have to text them or call them. It's just like they're on that app. So that's one way.

That's a good like thing for long distance friendships and also different time zones. It's like, not like... Yeah, you're not bothering the person. Yeah, like five in the morning or something. Mm-hmm. I think I didn't understand why I had to go to another app. Mm-hmm. Why the videos couldn't just come to my text.

But I do understand the like time zone of it all. Uh-huh. But I think that was just my issue. But I do think Marco Polo is good if you're in different time zones. And it's a nice way to catch up with people. I also think like a phone date, you know, like pick a day in a time and like, you know, get together or like get on Zoom or FaceTime or something. Yeah. Or meet in the middle. Like if it's like a dear, dear friend and you're far away, meet in the middle. Pick a place that's like equal distance to you and like hang out. I just think people don't realize that like if you do want to keep in touch with people, even people local, you have to make the effort.

Yeah. Like you just have to want to do it. And you do have to just like put in a little bit of work. Yeah. I've asked friends for like if we can actually schedule a call. Like I have a friend in New York that I was like, are you available 11 a.m. your time Saturday? And she's like, yes, and I sent a calendar invite. And, like, you are going to call at that time.

Yeah, because either you do that and you're, like, rigid about it, or you're like, we'll meet or we'll do this phone call whenever. Are you free on Thursday? Yeah, I'm free on Thursday. And then Thursday comes and goes, and you're like, oh, yeah, it was supposed to be on Thursday. Yeah. I don't think you could blame anybody about that. So it's like, yeah, just set a time, a day, a time, a day.

That's it. That's all you need. And an intention. Yeah, an intention. And make an itinerary. What are you going to talk about? Have your topics ready. Solved.

Hi, Nicole and Sashir and the Best Friends team. Longtime listener and survivor of the Best Friends podcast drought. My husband and I bought our first house together and we have three bedrooms. Congrats. We decided to rent the other two out. One to my cousin and one to my friend who I've known for over 18 years. The friend, alias, is Mikey, moved from his hometown to escape his routine and find a better life and live his authentic gay self.

It was pretty rushed and sudden, but I opened my home to help him. I wanted him to be successful and focus on himself before dating. He ignored that and started dating someone immediately. I left it alone because it's not my business. We didn't make him pay rent until he got a job. Once he got a job, he started paying rent, mind you, not as much as the other roommate because of his financial situation. He lost his job and we decided he can skip rent until he finds another job. I wanted to help. That was my friend. He found a job after two months and resumed paying rent.

Almost three years have passed and it seems to have strained our friendship. For his birthday, him and his boyfriend could not afford anything and he cried and was upset. I gave the boyfriend money to go buy a cake and celebrate on me. We have included both Mikey and the boyfriend in any gift-giving occasion, even travel souvenirs, and convention items. When my birthday came around, nothing. No text, no card, nothing. He has been constantly verbally attacking my dog,

saying she does not add value to the house, when in reality he is upset because he cannot afford to take care of a dog, let alone himself. him and his boyfriend are constantly eating out and buying things and complain about money even though so much so that the boyfriend had to take out a loan for their eating habit. After multiple pep talks and trying to help, I can no longer feel bad for them. The boyfriend comes and goes as he pleases and does not acknowledge me or my husband in our own house. There are constant disruptions when my husband has to work from home and they create a loud environment.

We have tried talking to Mikey, but he gets really defensive and rude, and I want to protect my peace. Recently, he asked if the boyfriend can move in until they find a place together. They gave us a two-month period before they move out tentatively. My husband and I agreed, no issues there. Since then, neither me or my husband have received a thank you from either Mikey or the boyfriend. Still, when the boyfriend walks through the door, he does not acknowledge us. I am hurt that we have shown kindness and have been accommodating and received dust in return. But I have told myself that if there is no gratitude shown or at least a thank you from them after one week after they move out, then they are dead to me.

Am I being irrational or just protecting my peace by removing them from my life? Thank you in advance. Love you. Or thank you in advance. Love the pod and love the energy from both of you. Your pod is the only thing that brings me peace to sleep at night. Aw. Imagine going to Wells Fargo and saying, I need a loan.

And they say, what's your business in Denver? And you go, just to order more food from DoorDash. And they go, approved. How much of a loan? That's honestly, the whole thing is shitty. That's the wildest thing I've ever fucking heard. Is it like an official loan from a bank? I don't know.

Our listener said they took out alone to support their eating habits. And that, I thought I've done some fat things in my life. This is one of the fattest things I've ever fucking heard. My God. I don't think it's crazy to cut these people out of your life. Yeah. I don't even think you have to do it like, like make it a thing. I think they'll fade away if you don't reach out.

Yeah. It doesn't sound like they're even. trying to be your friends currently. So when they move out, I don't foresee a world where they are better friends. Yeah, which is really sad. It is very, very sad. But I will say sometimes when you, like, not baby, but like take care of another adult, they start taking it for granted.

then you become the caretaker in that relationship. So they don't, like, it's not, they're like, oh, that's my friend who always helps me. So, like, not to take up for this person, but I think maybe their mindset would be like, well, why would I think her? She always helps me. Yeah. They're used to it. It's a given that I'm thankful that she helps me because that's what she does. That being said, that shitty.

It's shitty. The boyfriend not acknowledging them. them in their own house is wild. Yeah. Saying that a dog doesn't add value is actually unhinged. I guess I wonder if you can have a conversation about what kind of dog it is and why it's not pulling its weight. I don't need to go get a job.

Because I guess we don't know how much longer these people are going to be living with them. And also like sometimes even if you don't, I think it's okay to have a conversation not expecting a result. Like it may not actually change anything. They might still be the same. They may not change their view. But for your own piece of mind,

it might be worth it just for yourself to be like, I said what I had to say and I feel better. And if they still want to show their ass, that's what they're going to do. But have a conversation. And it can be from a place of like, hey, are you okay? Like, what's happening?

Because I notice you're like really snapping at my dog. And that seems like really strange behavior because it's not your dog. And it is a dog. And also like your partner's energy is really strange. Like, I don't know if they feel like they can't talk to me in my partner in the house or like what that is. But, you know, we're roommates. and friends, we can talk to each other. So, yeah, like, is there, because maybe there is something going on.

Maybe they have their own things that they have been, have had pent up, or maybe they just have something else going on outside of the house that doesn't even involve you. And, yeah, maybe just, like, have a more curious way to start the conversation of, like, something up. And if they're like, oh, no, I just don't care about you. Or, you know, who knows what the response? We just don't give a shit about you.

Oh, I just never thought about you one day in my life. I'm worried about paying off this Chili's on Clarna. I really can't get past that. It's so wild. Get your chilies on Clarnas. In 10 years, I'll pay off that triple dipper. Yeah. And who knows what the response can be, but I think you can be like, the energy doesn't feel great in this house.

and we all have to live here. Yeah. And I want the energy you feel good for you too. Yeah. So like let's find a way that we like can feel comfortable. Yeah. And if I've done something, please let me know. Yeah.

Because, you know, I don't feel like I've done anything. But also I don't know. I don't know if something's been done. And that's why you are, why this is going on or whatever. I think it's whenever you're like, Not criticizing, but like asking somebody what's going on. I think it's also kind to be like, hey, did I do, did I unconsciously do something that I didn't realize? And this is why you're responding like that.

Just to be like, you know, not shifting all the blame to that person. Yeah. But they do seem bad. And also, that might be who they are. Like, that might not be a thing that's like something they can adjust. But I think it helps to be like, I can see this. Yes. And I don't like this behavior.

Yes. And since we are all together, let's try to like find some middle ground. Solved. Well, if you have any questions or queries or just want to give us compliments, you can email us at Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. We also have a phone number. Hit it, Allie. 323-23-8-6-554. Well, well, that's it. That's it. Peace out, Cubscout.

Peace out, Cubscout. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and Casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot.

A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast, a new show coming to f***. Coming to f***.

That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast, a new show coming to Headgum soon. Woo-hoo. I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to roll. Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take.

We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history, all the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike John. I think this committed Jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called?

The Jackass podcast. The Jackass podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-O. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Pontius. That shot of your butt just cruising up.

I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad is going to happen to me. We man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me.

And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th.

Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.