Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Sasheer’s the Pun Queen

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer reunite in the studio to wonder about all of the possible meanings behind the acronyms we use today. Nicole also shares her hypothetical plan to announce running for president. Sasheer and Nicole also remember moments in the past when they realized they love making people laugh and also agree how there’s kind of way too much private part paraphernalia at bachelorette parties.Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Let's talk about that thing you keep saying you'll do, the new career, the next step, the dream you keep putting off because life is busy and change feels hard. But what if it didn't have to be? Chamberlain University has been preparing healthcare professionals for over 135 years. As the nation's largest nursing school, Chamberlain offers flexible programs, built around your life, faculty who genuinely care and a community ready to lift you up. Maybe today is the day, maybe your someday starts now, because here's what Chamberlain wants you to know. You've got this and we've got you. Learn more at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University belong to something greater, certified to operate by Shev. Hello, Nicole. Hello, Sashir. How are you? Hey, listen, I'm good.

Oh, good. I have been using, I don't know if I said this the last time we recorded. I've been using this cream, this arthritis cream. Did we talk about this? I don't think so, not in depth. Well, I'm rubbing it up on me at night. Rubbing up me? Rubbing up me?

In the morning. Myself, my body. Four times a day. Okay. No more, no less. Okay. That's what the directions says. say? Is it like, um, tingly? Like, like, one of those creams, it's like kind of like cold

when it puts, you put it on? Like icy hot. Like icy hot, yeah. No. Oh. It's topical aspirin. Oh, great. Love it. Never heard of it. I haven't either. But, uh, Veronica, our poll teacher was telling me about, it's a brand called like Voltron or Voltairan. I don't know. Something, something, something like a, it sounds like a transformer name. Right, right, right. And I tried to get that. But the postmate person couldn't find it so I got the next best thing. Okay. Which is a brand I cannot remember.

Great. And I've been just rubbing it on my aches and pains. And it's been working. Oh, good. But I parked on a hill. And then I said, oh, no, this hill's going to get me. Damn. I wonder, do we know the demographic age demographic of our listeners?

I'm like, are they going to think we're like geriatric? Well, if we got pregnant right now, we would be geriatric. That's true. We would be having geriatric pregnancies. Isn't that rude as hell? It's really rude. I don't know. There just needs to be like another term for that.

A birth of a certain age. A well-seasoned birth? Oh, me, I'm having a birth of a certain age, you know. A mature birth. A well-seasoned birth. is very funny because it sounds like you're giving birth to ribs. And you're just eating the season. You're marinating this baby.

I mean, I'm 100% sure we have talked about this. But I thought babies came from sesame seed buns. I do remember that, yeah. I think it was like an early episode we talked about that. But it's ingrained in my brain. Ingrained? Look at this pun queen over here. I'm looking at her

I'm looking at her I love her you are very quick with the puns but you said it I did say it and you amplified it way to lean in I'm amplifying my sister

someone brought up lean into me and I was like never heard of it and they were like oh because you didn't need to learn how to do that and I was like it felt like an insult but it's a compliment No, I think it's a compliment.

But it felt like an insult. You never heard of it? I feel like it was like a boom. It was everywhere. So, Shear, I miss so much. Yeah. Do you remember when that, hello, it's nice to meet you? Thank you very much.

It's nice to meet you. I do remember because we did a video and you were like, what is this? I miss so many things. Yes. And I don't know how. But you're like, you're, I don't know, the six. person to be like, it was a huge thing. Everybody was talking about it.

I was like, never. Oh. Yeah, I mean, which, correct. You don't really need to lean in. You are fully in. You've kicked the door down already. Your whole body's already in. But, yeah, I didn't read it.

But I guess I just remember hearing people referring to it all the time. You know, maybe people were referring to it, and I took it literally. I was like, wow, I guess everyone's leaning. You feel it was like a posture thing? Maybe. I was like, maybe I thought like, you know, Fat Joe wanted us to lean back and other people want to lean in? You didn't lean it back too much for far too long.

It's time to lean in. That's the only way I can like explain why I just didn't hear about it. It's funny. I don't know. I miss those very simple. instructional dances, like, lean back. What else was there? Soldier Boy had a lot of steps to it, but it did seem simple.

Like, there's any kind of dance that everybody can do this. Well, I feel it was like, zoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the big move from it. You! Oh, that's what it is. Not Zoom. I said Zoom!

Zoom! Yep, yep, a geriatric. A well-season person, I am. But then with these, like, TikTok dance. They're just like over here, over here, up and down and this and that. And I'm like, wow, everyone's a dance now. It is a lot. It's a lot.

The cha-cha slide, they tell you what to do. Bit by bit, and they repeat it over and over again. Take it back, y'all. Yeah. Two tabs now. Yeah. Dances are very hard now. Remember when we tried to learn the savage dance?

Yeah. Oh, my God. That was a workout. And I never really got it. No, me either. Yeah. We did it one night and said, well, that's enough of that. And then the apple dance.

Oh, yeah. Oh, she learned it. I don't even know if that's right. I know you shoe some stuff away to the side and you break an apple apart or is this a heart? I actually don't know. Oh, I thought it was an apple. We're breaking apples. We're strong.

I guess, yeah, I don't know. I actually have no idea. Have you seen the video of that man pushing his way in a crowd at a Charlie X-X-X concert with Brittany Broski? Oh, yeah, I did. That was... Sashir, it's one of my favorite moments of Internet history. He looks evil. He shoves that woman and then really moves his body in a way that I was like, you're a cartoon villain.

It's like my time to show. I love it. Yeah. He pushed a woman out of the way to be on a jumbotron. Yeah. I want to see more of that. More behaving badly. Yes.

On the world stage. Yeah. Please. Or like that, I mean, we've talked about that man, the CEO and that lady when they were hugging and then they were like, oh, no. Give me more. Give me more. Give me more behaving badly on a jumbotron. Yeah.

Well, I think people are now. scared probably because of that specifically. And they're like, I'm going to behave badly in private. That can't be out in these streets. Give it to me. Take a child's hot dog on a jumbo tron. I have seen a lot of like, it's usually baseball because like, you know, balls get thrown into the crowd or shirts or whatever.

And things often fly in the crowd. And a man, like a woman was like reaching for something and he like grabbed it out of her hands and then like gave it to his kid. But then the kid was like. That was rude. And then gave it back to the woman, thank God. But, like, while this child had more, like, awareness to be like, we shouldn't be literally ripping things out of people's hands. A woman's hand, nonetheless.

I really do like that lesson, but I would have loved if that child climbed on the woman, hit her with the ball and said, mine. Let's behave poorly. We meant it. We meant it. you lady, pop, pop, pop,

I. It is wild at a baseball game. You can just get hit with a ball. Yeah.

There was a video of a lady who got, she was like he-he-ha with her friends and got hit with a ball

in the head. Yeah, I mean, I guess the ball can go pretty far because I was like, there is a net, but then it can go over the net

and hit somebody. We need higher nets. That's wild. That is wild. I'm paying money and I get hit? And then health

insurance in this country? In this economy? In this economy? I feel like if I went to the hospital and I was like, I got hit in the head with a ball, they'd be like, do you want to lose weight before we look at you? Like imagine, like a fat lady getting hit in the head with a ball. They're like, oh, no, your head hurts because you're fat.

They probably would. They're like, if you were thinner, you could have ran out of the way. If you were thinner, the ball would not have hit you. They're just like more mass to hit, so. You're a good target. Fatty. Unfortunately. Yeah.

Hmm. She like, come my damn hate. I was talking about, oh, I was talking about that acronym with Tess. Mm-hmm. And she didn't know what it meant. I can't remember what she thought it was. Mm-hmm. But I dated someone who thought it was so much damn hate.

And I was like, so you thought people were getting disappointed and going, so much damn hate. He was like, yes. Like, like in the world? I guess. Like, there's so much damn hate in this. This world. Can't believe it.

That's really funny. I did not question that either. Yeah, and just be like, whoa. People were walking around mad. I thought LOL meant live out loud, and I don't know how. Also, like, you aren't, like, seeing the context of what it was used. And people were just, like, having a good time of live out loud. That's funny. Live out loud.

I guess I don't know. I also thought Yolo meant live out loud. You only live out. What? I'm telling you, it doesn't make any sense. But I heard Yolo and I was like, wow, we all got to live out loud. You really wanted live out loud to be a thing. I guess so. And I don't know why. That's funny. And then I remember it was like, you only live once. And I was like, what? That's what YOLO means

And not live out loud But I guess living out loud Means you are living That one time Yes That one time There's no acronyms that tripped you up I'm sure there were acronyms

I was like I have no idea what this was But I don't think I made up My own version of it I don't know I can't remember all the acronyms We used to use Are Oh, rolling on the floor laughing.

I think I was confused about that. The floor part of it, I was like, what is this? I thought it was like, like, Rolf. I didn't realize it was an acronym. And I was like, why are these people saying this to me? It is quite complicated, though. It's like rolling on the floor, laughing. Yeah.

And like, how often are people doing that that there had to be an acronym for it? Never. None of these acronyms are accurately portraying what the person is experiencing. Because they're all just like either doing this or this. And they're just like, I'm rolling on the floor laughing. Shigig in my damn hand. You're not doing any of that stuff. When I write ha ha ha ha.

You really are ha ha. Most of the time I've ha-ha-ed. Mm-hmm. Yeah, what are other ones? BRB. Be right back. Talk to you later. T-T-Y-L.

Gotta go. G. Oh, yeah. Two-G. Mm-hmm. Do you think maybe rolling on the floor laughing is misinterpreted from black people running on the floor laughing? Running? Because black people are running when they laugh.

Definitely. That should be an acronym. Running away from you while laughing. Running around the room while laughing. My own being stomping my feet while laughing. I love stomping my feet when I'm excited. Yeah. You really do.

I like when seeing those posts where someone writes in the caption a whole acronym, but you can read it in your head. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, if you don't get your bitch ass up off this or whatever, and it's like, I, why, it's such a long one. But everyone in the comments are like, I could hear this. I understood. I like universal things.

Yeah. Like, I feel like universally, it's like the trip home back. the trip home back, when you take a trip, the voyage back home always takes less time. Yes. And I feel like that's a universal thing. Yeah. I was walking yesterday to a doctor's office I've never been to. And it felt long getting there because I didn't know where I was going.

And then on the way back, I was like, oh, this is right and right. That's like when we used to audition on lots. I would always get so lost. And then on the way back to the car, I would be like, well, this was a straight shot. This was 18 steps from my car to the door. And somehow I ended up in the fake facades of New York being like, oh, no. I think also it's like when you're like crunched on time and you're like a little hairy, you can't, like things seem so much harder.

You're like, huh, now I have to turn here and there's a tree in the way and there's a car. And I don't know. But then when we were done, you're like, oh. Oh, okay. It was easy. I went to a dentist office where I was like, this is crazy, where's the parking? I'll just street park.

I'll pay for it. Hopefully I don't get a ticket. And then I walked inside the door and it was like, garage. And I was like, I just, if I just opened my little peepers, I could have seen that there was a garage and free fucking parking. Yeah. Oh, my God. When I, this was, I was doing my first big audition in New York.

In New York City. At New York City. And I was still in college in Virginia. And I was driving, I drove from Virginia to D.C. And then took a train, or, no, took a bus from D.C. to New York for the weekend. And I found, I was like rushing, found this parking garage, parked my car there. And then went up to New York, did the audition, didn't book. And then took my ass back down to D.C.

Uh-huh. Went to the garage. I think it was like, I don't know. Probably past midnight or something when the bus finally stopped. And the garage my car was in was fully closed. Oh, no. I thought it was a 24-hour garage and it was not. And I was like roaming the streets.

And also my phone was dead. And I found a hotel. I was trying to open the door. And the door was locked in the security guard. I was like, no, no, no. And I was like, what? You can't just let me. What if I want to get in?

Let me in. I just wanted to charge my phone. A young woman, no, no, no, no, no. No. Which I guess they don't want like unhoused people. And I guess I had luggage. So maybe they were like, she's unhoused and she can't come in. But I was like.

But it's a hotel. Yeah. You might have had luggage as a traveler. Exactly. Yeah. That is a good question. Maybe they were like, there's no way. We have no one else checking out.

There's no waste of one I could be. But how would the security guard know? I don't know. Raymond, don't you let a single person in. We're full. That's wild. Yeah. They really were like, we will not open this door.

This is the night. I think I flagged a cab down. And then I was like, we'd take me a union station. And which was also funny. Same thing where he's like, okay. And he drove me two blocks away. I could have walked there.

But I just had no idea. which direction we go. And then I got there, charged my phone, and my stepmom lived in Maryland so I could take the train to her place. Then I slept the night there, took the train back, got my car, and then drove back to school. But it was like way too much. That's wild. I can't believe an adult man saw a young woman.

It was like, no. I know. I feel like that's, yeah, people are just like that. They're like, I'm not going to help. Yeah, but it's like something going to happen to me. And also it's a hotel. It's a hotel. What if I wanted a room?

Yes. He cost them business. Truly. But you didn't want a room, so honestly. He was right. He could tell. He's something about her. He didn't get no money.

That's wild. I have parked my car in places it should not have been. I once parked it at an H-Mart, right under a sign that said, you will be towed. And I said, not me. I went back and I was towed. I parked my car at the airport and I had, this was in L.A. I had dealer plates from New Jersey, paper plates for three years, parked my car at the airport, done it a million times before, and then came back and I was like, I think someone stole my 2005 Honda Civic that's really beat up.

And then I called it the tow yard or whatever. Like I saw a sign. I was like, maybe it was actually towed. They're like, oh yeah, we have it. I was like, great. I, you know, I don't know why. And I also didn't, like, panic either of those times. I was like, nah, they took my car.

They took my car. They done got me, gal. I've never had my car towed. How do you find the toe place? So they'll have signs when you go back to your car and it's not there. You just got to look at a wall and go, huh. That was my bad. And then you've got to call that number.

And you tell them what kind of. car you have, and then they go, we have it. And then you go, okay, how much is it to get it out? And they tell you an obscene amount of money. And then you got to go pay it to get it out. Damn. And then sometimes you got to beat them before they close. Wow. And then it stays overnight. Then you got to pay more in the morning. That sucks. It does suck. It's a racket. It is a racket. And the mayor of New York, you want to know what he did? What he did? He got rid of like fees and stuff for towing. That's so nice. Again, I did not read the whole thing. I believe it, though.

Hey, thanks. He's doing so many nice things. He really is. Yeah. We need one. We need one of those. And I think Spencer Pratt will do it. I stuttered so hard because my body was like, you can't actually say that out loud.

We live in a cartoon land that somebody from The Hills. I know. Didn't he bankrupt himself buying crystals? Yeah. I didn't know that. And I'm like, and you want to be the mayor? California lends itself to those types of candidates, I guess. That was very diplomatic.

It was diplomatic of me. Characters. Characters. I also believe he lost his house in the fires, but also it was not insured. Whoa, damn, that sucks. Is that true? Yeah, he did lose his house in the fires. Yeah, the property was uninsured.

That's nuts. And then you can't take care of your own home by getting it insured. And you said, I got the whole L.A. County. I can take care of them. Lean in and on me. He's going to lean in and on me. Maybe he's like, I learned from that experience. I don't want nobody who's learning from those experiences.

Yeah. Was it, what year, I feel like the year, there was a year where Gary Coleman ran for office in California. Wait, really? And it was like a wild raise because. Maybe also a porn star was also running that year. It was like everybody was throwing their name in the hat. And it was like, well, I don't know. Was it the year Arnold Schwarzenegger won?

Yes. What? Yes. He was up against Gary Coleman? 2003. What a good year. Did Gary come close to winning? No, he ran as an independent.

He finished eighth. It's really interesting to like learn about things like that. go, oh, okay, so it's always been dumb. Yeah. Yeah. It's always just been dumb as hell. Yeah. It was wild then.

Yeah, that's over 20 years ago. Yep. And we said, we gonna keep being wild. I know Farah Abraham was like, I'm running in maybe Austin or I don't know where she lives. And she was on TMZ and they were like, you know that there's no election where you're running. And she was like, yes, there is.

And then they were like, oh, no, she thinks elections happen nationwide and not with the state or city or whatever is having their individual elections. And I'm like, in that moment, I would go, well, I simply can't run. I don't even know when the election is. Yes, she announced a bid for Austin Mayer in January 2026, but then altered her. campaign after learning live on air that the next mayoral race isn't until 2028. Wow. Wow. Nate, we need a break to process that.

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Quince.com slash best friends. And we're back. Wow. Being two years early learning live on air, like. Wait. Which doesn't mean someone let her go on air. Like, who, does he have a team? Probably not.

Yeah. I feel like people go, here's what. I'm going to do and then gather people who believe in them. Like a cult. Nobody like starts off in the cult. You have to have the person with the idea who goes, I'm a leader. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, good for her having followers, I guess.

Having such a strong. I don't know if she has the followers, though, because she went on air and said, I'm going to do this. And everyone went, oh, not for another two years. You're not going to do nothing. Would you ever rent for office? No. Are you kidding? Wait.

No, I couldn't. But I have ideas. Oh, yes. Health care for all. Yeah. Especially the children. That's a great idea. Let them eat food at school.

Definitely. Raise minimum wage. Stop corporate mergers. Yeah. I like all these ideas. All right, let me be president. Okay. Knock, knock, knock.

Excuse me. Can I be president? Yeah, we know what? tried that. Has anyone just tried knocking on the White House door and saying, let me be present? Imagine I knocked on the door. I got so far that I knocked on the front door. And that man who lives there now went, whew, you. Finally. Someone can take over. I've been fucking it up. I'm so glad you came over. Nobody's asked. I've been waiting for someone that. I just ask. Oh, Lord. I mean, But I feel like a lot of people who get into politics aren't, they don't want to help people.

I don't know what they want. I think it gets tricky because, well, it shouldn't be tricky. But because there are a lot of politicians are funded by people who definitely don't want to help people. So then they have to like please their constituents. Constituents. Yeah. And that sucks. Yeah.

So maybe at one point they wanted to help. people, but then it's like, oh, things got like really muddy. So now I have to do these things to help these lobbyists and these people and these people and these people. But politicians lie. Mm-hmm. Some of them do. Mm-hmm.

So get your money. And then lie to your constituents. Who, there was just a thing about, was it Australia? Wait, no, I don't know. Some politician ran as a far-right conservative and then once elected was like, actually, I'm gay and I love immigrants. It was like, got you. Who was this, Allie?

Let me find it. Really? Yes. Thank you for electing me. You all thought I was a Nazi, but I'm gay! And I love immigrants. Whoa, socialists. Fooled everyone.

That's the way to do it. Yeah. Trojan horse them. Yes. Okay, yes. There was, his name's Jason Virgo. and he is a newly elected lawmaker for the conservative one nation party in South Australia.

And after winning his election, he tearfully came out as gay and announced his long-term partner is a Muslim immigrant during his maiden speech to parliament. And he shocked his far-right base. Of course he did. You're like, what?

What do you do at home? What? No. Not in your house? And he's what? But you said He tearfully Wow

Wait So does that mean he's Still far right And is like Sorry about this I don't know Or he's like Yeah

I guess I also didn't read the whole article So I love that about us Yeah I love that I saw the headline Headlines I mean I hope it's like Like jokes on you

I'm going to do what I want. Uh-huh. But yeah, I guess it could be like, I'm so ashamed that this is the real me. I have to just let you know. And then the Muslim at home, that's a wild way to say that. His partner. His partner. I wonder how they feel about, like, if they are spouting off, like, hateful rhetoric,

and they're like, but I'm at home. Yeah. I mean, how does J.D. Vanz's partner feel? I mean, like, I'd also be like, what? Yeah. Where's she at? I don't know. She's not really out and about. Probably embarrassed. We should have her on the podcast. Girl. Is that man your best friend?

Do you guys talk? Do you like him? Yeah. How is it? How's the energy at home? Yeah. What is the energy like at home? I wonder if he comes home and he's like, a long day of lion. You know I love you. Everything I say is for show. Maybe, probably? Interesting.

Yeah, I don't. I couldn't stay in a relationship like that. Mm-mm. And they got kids? Yeah. Mm-mm. P-U. Stinky.

Shaking my damn head. So much damn hate. So much. That actually is so much damn hate. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I thought I wanted to go into politics. politics. Really? Yeah. Because I, I don't know, I guess wanted to help people. And I did do a government

camp in high school. It is incredible how busy you were in high school. I was a professional high school student. I did so much. Everyone, like, everyone did so much in high school. Like, I keep learning things about high school. Yeah. You can do it a lot. And then I'll tell you what I've learned. Oh, okay. So, like, two girls from different high schools would go to a college campus, and we would learn about the government, and we would run for office and have town halls and stuff. And I ran for lieutenant governor of my party, and one. And then I ran for...

And one. And one. And then we had to do like speeches for the whole camp. And that's actually kind of where I learned that I like making people laugh. Because I wrote a joke in my speech at the top. And then it crushed. And it was like we were staying in this dorm and one of the elevators was rickety. And so I was like, you better vote for me before you die in this elevator.

and everyone's like, ah! Like, it crushed. And then they kept laughing at me for other things I was saying, even though I didn't write any other jokes. But I think my cadence, and they just like already thought I was funny. They just were like dying.

And afterwards, people were like, you should do something where you like, stand in front of people and make them laugh. Good luck. Like no one filled in the blanks. You were like, okay, stand in front of the people and make them laugh. Like no one thought of like a stand-up comic.

as a job. Yes. So they were like, you know, do a thing and make them laugh. And I was like, what could it be? Politics governor. Yeah, I'll be governor. Make people laugh. That's funny.

I, so I had done plays and stuff in high school, but what solidified the fact that I knew I wanted to make people laugh as a job was at my dad's funeral. Oh. I think I opened with my dad. I haven't written down somewhere, but it was like me and my dad had the same goal. Me being financially independent and I won. That was a really good joke.

And everyone was like, ha ha! He's dead, that's what she was. And then I had like a couple more jokes in there. I can't remember. I had one banger where everyone was like, yeah. Wow. How?

And I was like, whoa, everyone is so sad, but, like, I got them to, like, really laugh. And I was like, this, I got to do this. Truly, that's your calling. That's also great because, like, you broke the tension. Mm-hmm. What a gift for everybody who was there to have, like, a release be like, oh, okay, we can laugh. Okay. Whew.

Yeah. Because at my mom's funeral, it was, like, very sad and somber. And I just remember getting home being like, we should have laughed. She loved laughing. We should have told, like, funny stories about her instead of being like, I miss her. It's like, of course we miss her. But like, and then, yeah, it feels good when people are sad to be like, but remember this funny thing.

Yeah, definitely. Can you think of any jokes you would have told at your mom's funeral if you feel comfortable sharing? Yeah. Hmm. I'd have to, like, think. Because when I was writing his eulogy or whatever, I was like, oh, yeah, that, oh, yeah. Ooh.

Oh, I mean, my mom, oh, maybe I did have a joke in there. My mom loved English, loved words, loved using bigger words than necessary. And she also liked the way the English language went. So like, she was a lunch lady because she was like obsessed with me or a lunch age, sorry. She like watched the kids while they played because she was like, I can't get away from Nicole because I was a problem. And teachers did not like me. So she needed to be there. Anyway, uh, kids would go, can I go to the bathroom? And she go, I don't know. Can you? And then, like, kids would just stare at her. And then eventually they'd be like, I don't, can you help? She'd be like,

it's may I? Yeah. So at her funeral, I was just like, everyone remembers can I may I? And my mom was the one where like, she's the reason why you peed your pants. And the kids there were like, ha, ha, ha. But this is not like a good joke. It's just, you know, a memory. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. This is a good one. It is. But here's what I learned about. School. Skules. Did you shower after pee? Um, I feel like there were showers in the locker room. But I don't remember if I actually used them or if they had time to shower.

The nice man in my life showered at school And I was like, I thought that was just in the movies I didn't know, we also had showers But like I never used them And I didn't think anybody else did Because I don't remember having that much time Same Like if you're like staying after school to play a sport

Yes, you definitely have time to take a shower But like during school I feel like we went to class stinky That's what I think Stinky and kind of moist Which is really unfortunate It's disgusting Yeah

And then, did your school have a swimming pool? Yes. I'm learning that most schools have swimming pools. My high school did not. Are you sure about that? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely tutelutes.

And then I've learned that you could do credits outside of the school that went to school. Mm-hmm. What? What? What? In what form did you learn about that? That nice man in my life did, like, bowling or something instead of just of gym. Oh, that I didn't know. And then had like a free period or something. And I also thought

free periods were something made up in movies. Because I did not have a free period. They made me go from class to class, class, class. Well, because also, weren't you like a little behind? Were you like at risk of not graduating? I don't know why I did that. Yeah, like you told me that. So like, of course you didn't have a free period. You needed all the periods you could get. I really did. I just, they kept sending me there and I was like, I don't want to be here. Yeah, I remember stomping around my senior year

and they were like, you might not graduate. And I was like, I will. You will not keep me here. I will not come back in the summer. I will leave. Oh, my God. Like, believe me, we want you to leave too. We want you to go.

That is funny. I did the Disney College program. I've talked about it. before. And that was, you're supposed to get college credit for that too. But my theater program was like, what is this? I guess it's kind of theater. We'll give you some credit. I didn't get as many credits as I was hoping. Uh-huh. And I was like, oh, I mean, but I spent like seven months there. And they're like, we'll give you some, I guess you performed in front of people. So here's a couple credits. I also don't remember credits in high school.

I just remember A, B, C, D, E, F, wait, no. E? Skip E? Why did we skip E? Isn't that crazy? Yeah, actually, I never thought about that. And then F is the only thing that stands for fail. Yeah.

Yeah, the other ones aren't like A for amazing. You A-T-T-E-T-E-T. So early grading system. did do A through E, but E stood for failing. Oh. And then they changed this because, in the 1930s, because parents and students were assuming that E stood for excellent. Hilarious.

So the dummies were too dumb, and they were like, we got to make it an F. Yeah. And, yeah, they switched to F so there'd be no ambiguity. F is failure. That's really funny. I'm excelling. I'm excellent. No, bitch, you stupid.

Yes. That's so funny. That's really funny. But yeah, I don't remember credits. And then how do they determine your credit from the letter? They counted it, but I don't know. They had a scale. I think it was also an individual, like, for different classes. I wonder if I could get my transcript and see how I graduated. I wonder. It's probably on record somewhere. Where? I don't know, actually. A computer? I would assume a computer. But, like, I guess why would they keep it? And, like, if you keep decades of, like, transcripts, that's too much hardware. Yeah.

So maybe not. Probably not. Probably gone by now. Yeah. I guess we got to take another break. Yeah. Usually I'll have a running list in my notes app of, like, things I want to buy, things I'm looking for, but, like, don't know where to get it from or it might be specific. Like, right now, I'm looking for, like, a lot of brooches.

And I used to have brooches. But sometimes I'll go to vintage shops and they'll be so expensive. And I'm like, that's how much you have to spend for a brooch? I don't want to do that. But then I got on Poshmark and I was able to find brooches for the price strings that I want. They have all these different features where you can put in exactly how much you're willing to spend or like the color you're looking for or the shape you're looking for. And they have it.

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So I've been looking for brooches to put on like blazers on my jackets or whatnot, and so I'll type in like brooch. And then a bunch will come up, and I found some really good gold ones and some that have like mother of pearl on them. And it's so nice to like sift through and see like the different eras of brooches. Find what feels like you.

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I don't even think they needed a transcript. Just a diploma that said, I did it. Yeah. I think. I actually have no idea. Maybe not even that, yeah. They're just like, pay us. You can come.

I don't even remember filling out much of a admission thing. I know there was a ton of stuff for me to read. And my dad definitely didn't read it and I didn't read it. Yeah. I was like, move in day, drop me off. That's what he did. That's nice. Didn't even help me.

set up my room. Oh, this is actually dropped you off. Yeah, because I said drop me off. I don't remember, I know I had to write a college essay, but I have no idea what I wrote about. Probably family or something. I don't know. It's like, why do you want in my business like that? Why do you want to know about my family? I don't know. It is strange, like, because I feel like that was a big thing, like really write about yourself, right about your life. I don't know. and your goals and your dreams and where you came from. But it's like, are my grades telling you, like, if I'm a good student or not, why do I need to tell you my life story? Yeah, you have my transcript.

You have a list of the clubs and shit I was on or didn't do. But then also, it's like, nobody's checking in to be like, hey, sorry about that tough time with your mom. Yeah, yeah. That's not really hard. Do you want a counselor? Seems like you have trouble with science. Yeah. Maybe you don't be a science major.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, why? I do not know. That's interesting. College is a lot, like, in the beginning of, like, getting, like, wanting to know information from you. And then you're just on your own, loose. Maybe the admissions people are like, it's all trauma porn. Maybe.

Like, I just want to know how bad these kids suffer. Maybe, and they read it and they're like, ah, this is a good one. But college is kind of crazy. You're with your parents. And then they let you loose and you can join a gang and you got to feed yourself. Like a sorority or fraternity? It's kind of a gang. Yeah.

You live in a house. You rough up the younger ones. Yeah. It's a gang. Yeah. It's white gang. Yeah. Black gang, too.

Black gang, too. Unfortunately, black gang also beat up people sometimes. Are there Latino sororities? Mm-hmm. And Asian ones? Mm-hmm. Huh. Find a person.

You can find a fraternity or sorority for them. That's wild. Yeah. I don't really understand the whole Greek system. I think there was definitely a huge benefit to it, like, when they started. Mm-hmm. Because you, if you're a person of color, you definitely, like, can benefit from being around other people who are like you, especially if you're in a institution where you are a minority. Mm-hmm.

So it's like, yeah, okay, I at least have this to feel like home or like, this is my group, this is my crew. And then after you graduate, you feel like, you still kind of have some sort of camaraderie with those people out in the world and be like, okay, I just moved to the city. But I know I have like these fraternity sisters who are also here and we can connect and like maybe they'll like tell me what jobs I aren't going to apply for or whatever. You know, like it's a built in system wherever you go where you're like, I at least know I have some people here. But why did it start? Do you know? I don't know why it started. Why did the Greek system start, Allie?

Let's see. I love learning. Okay. So it originated to give students a private space for academic debate, free expression, and social connection. The first one was in 1776 at the College of William and Mary. And to keep purposes and motto secret, members use Greek letters as a abbreviations, and then every single subsequent group adopted this trend, which is why they're known as the Greek system. Interesting. 1776. Is that what you said? Yeah. When did Columbus

sail to seven seas? Fourteen ninety two. Oh, that was much earlier. Yeah. America was founded in. Yeah, maybe that's what you're saying. Wow. Wow. You're really, you're, you're a very early. You're a lot of, you're, you're a lot of, you're like, oh, wow, so things were happening at the same time. And then it was like, well, it certainly wasn't. Like, big year. Greek system? Columbus was selling the seven Cs. Wow. Yeah, sometimes I'm like, what is history? Like, when did anything happen? Should we answer a query? Let's do it. Let's do it. Or two or three? Yeah.

Hi, Cishire and Nicole. So happy to have the podcast. podcast back, love you both. Question conundrum I'm dealing with. Should I pursue my older male coworker? Context. I am a late bloomer romantically and physically. I didn't have my first kiss until a few years ago and I still haven't had sex. In addition to this, I've been grappling with my sexuality and until recently have been confident that I was a lesbian. Enter male co-worker. He's approximately 20 years my senior, give or take, and it's probably daddy issues, but I want his attention and approval. And what this want manifests in sexual desire. A part of my brain sees this as gross, but another part wants to indulge. For a long time, I've always seen physical intimacy as

gross, but that stems from poor self-image. And I think I'm getting to the point where horniness is winning against my self-hatred. Is the older male co-worker the answer, or should I just get on hinge and start fucking and explore? Thanks, love you. I? I? think the latter, getting on hinge and exploring, because why, kind of like why shit where you eat? Like, it's a co-worker, you're going to have to see them again. If you're not, you know, well-versed in dating, it might get a little messy, right? I agree. Yeah. Yeah. And also, I don't think you should hook up with anybody where part of your impression of them is gross.

Yeah. I think, yeah, I don't think you have to grapple with that. I think you just find somebody that you're really excited about. Yeah, you don't want to have to like take a gulp and be like, all right, I guess I got to kiss this daddy? Yeah, and yeah. Even aside from all the other stuff, this person said, you don't want to, there's no need to actually start something with a coworker with someone you work with. And there's going to be a power dynamic because they're older than you and then you see them at work.

Yeah. I think that can get really sticky and complicated. So I say no to that. Yes. Yeah, definitely get on hinge, find other people and explore. Yeah, because the coworker also seems a little one-sided. There was no clues in that email that said that that person was like reciprocating feelings. or like hitting on that person.

So it's like you might be an island with these feelings. This person might not even know. Yeah. So why wake the beast? Keep that beast asleep. Leash that beast. Leash that beast. Mm-hmm.

Salt. Hi, Nicole, Sashir, and team. Love the podcast. Nicole, I saw you in Madison this fall and you were so funny. And it was my favorite comedy show of 2025. I hope you come back soon. Sashir, you are in my favorite S&L skit of all time, back-home ballers. My partner and I quote it all the time, especially your line, laundry game on lock.

I'm going to do a whole load just for one sock. Not infrequently, I find myself making pity friends. I become friends with a person who appears lonely to be going through a rough patch or like they are in need of a friend. The friendships are never 100% out of pity, but I find myself ignoring red flags because I want the person to have a friend. I feel really strongly that everyone deserves a friend, and growing up, I struggled to make friends and was bullied for being different. Now in my late 20s, I have plenty of friends who I really enjoy and love spending time with. But these pity friendships end up

feeling like a chore. Is it fair to me or the person I befriended to have the friendship? Any advice on how to stop making friends I don't really want? Am I doing a bad thing even though I think it's kind? P.S. Nicole, I recommend ice cream social, a local ice cream. ice cream shop if you ever come back to Madison. Okay. Mm-hmm. I will be back in Madison, and I will go there. Okay.

I wonder if it's hard serve or soft serve. Mm, they didn't specify. No. And I wonder why they don't call it hard serve. Because it sounds weird. Hard. I like your hard serve ice cream, please. Hard serve, please.

You know, I think a lot of people can not learn to or, like, Just lean into saying what you mean. If you don't mean that you want to hang out with someone, don't say it. Yes. Yeah. Because you don't have, like, it's not your job to make sure that other people have friends just because you have a thing where you're like, oh, I didn't have friends growing up. I want this person to have a friend.

That's not your job. Yeah. Yeah. Because also it's like too much labor for you to go out of your way to spend time with somebody that you're like not excited about. Mm-hmm. hopefully these people like are like exciting enough or like like I hope that the person writing in is getting something out of these relationships and not just like being depleted

and being like well I didn't even actually even enjoy this at all but I'm just like spending so much time with these people I don't even like and maybe like maybe these people can be like on a lower tier like if you're having a birthday party or a big head. hang, you can invite them, and maybe they'll make other friends, hopefully, and, like, find like, like, minded people. But maybe you don't have to, like, get dinner with them or, like, yeah. Do do things that you would rather be spending your time with people you're actually close to. That's a good idea, because I have some people in my life where I've gone to one-on-one

dinners, and I'm like, hmm. So, like, I like you, but this simply cannot occur again. It just simply can't. Yeah. So it's like, I'll see you in a group setting where we can bip and bop and I'm not locked in. Yeah. You know? I think that's a really good idea.

Yeah. To like a group hang or a birthday party. That's when you invite those people. Exactly. And also, you can text somebody. Like, you don't have to, like, hang out with them. You can just text somebody. Be like, check it in.

How are you? Mm-hmm. Sad, I have no friends. Well, good luck. Good luck with that. I see you're on a journey. Bye. Yeah.

This is a text message. Hey, hopefully I have the right number. I was texting it while I was driving in the car listening to the best friends podcast. Anyway, if this is correct, I have a friendship query. I'm getting married in a few months and I'm having some wedding party drama. The maid of honor is my best friend from school. We'll call her school friend. And the other bridesmaids are newer friends of.

mine that I've made doing music things. We'll call them music friends. So when I first announced the wedding and who I wanted in the bridal party, I was excited and had no reason to worry about the college friend and the music friends getting along. College friend is Margo and fun and the music friends are as well. We got together for wedding dress shopping and that all went wonderfully. But then apparently as planning for the bridal party things started happening, a bunch of drama started going down behind the scenes. I only got bits and pieces of the stories because no one wanted to tell me what was going on to protect me and not stress me out.

What I've gotten so far from the story is that college friend got very stressed out with planning things, and since she lives in a different state than music friends, she's trying to communicate plans and was feeling left out like they weren't responding. However, they were all really busy with other stuff and had good reason for not responding. So, once they were finally able to respond about plans, they were 100. percent gung-ho ready to go. But then, apparently, the college friend got upset about that, too, and felt like they were trying to all of the sudden take everything over. What I've heard from both sides is that college friends said some really nice things to them, and at least one of the music

friends said not nice things back. We have a few more bridal party things to do now, and I'm kind of dreading them knowing there's this drama and animosity brewing in the background that I'm not even really supposed to know about. I'm a little frustrated that one of my friends didn't want to come to me about these issues if they needed to be resolved, and that they feel like they have to keep it a secret when I'd rather just know. And second of all, I'm really upset with my college friend because from her perspective and from the bridesmaids' perspectives,

whatever happened, it seems like it started with her. And I'm a little frustrated that she reacted so emotionally and immaturely and is potentially damaging these relationships with my new friends. I really didn't want this wedding to be stressful and was doing what I could to avoid that, but now I feel kind of powerless. I want to help them get along,

but I'm not sure if I even can or if that would even help. I'm also questioning my friendship with my college friend. If she so quickly blows up with people that I really care about, what does that say about her and her character? We lived in different states for a few years now, and don't get together often or talk very much. Whenever we do, it's usually just like old times, but maybe we've changed more over the years than we realize.

I'm just not sure what to do, or even if there's anything to do. Any help or advice, good vibes, or even just lighthearted banter about the situation would be appreciated. No matter how stressed I'm feeling about life, putting on your podcast always puts me in a good mood. Hmm. I mean, I wouldn't fault your friends for not involving you in this because I think it's actually a really kind thing to do. Like, you're already stressed about so many things. So, like, yeah, and they're all adults.

So it's like they should figure it out. You're not like the mom. Like, you're not the mediator of the group. There's no need for you to. know it and like, what are you going to do? Like, sit everyone down. Like, I'm thinking, hey, no fighting. Everyone, play nice.

Yeah. So I think it's like, that was actually, I think a good move for them to be like, we'll take care of this. You don't worry about that. I'm also like, who told you? Yes. Was it the maid of honor? I don't think so.

Oh. Because our person who texted us was like, the way she reacted was so negative, so it feels like it's secondhand what she did. And I think it's a little unfair to put a lot, like question your relationship with your college friend simply because if you put her shoes on, she's alone.

There's a bunch of new friends. She probably feels like, a little threatened about your, like, relationship and where she stands. She texted a bunch of people, none of them got back to her. Yeah. And then when they felt, like, it must have felt like a little like, oh, okay, so like maybe they are planning things without me, da, da, da, da. But she should be an adult and, like, kind of work on that herself.

But I don't think you should question your relationship with this person based on a kind of a high pressure situation. That's what a wedding is. Yeah. They're trying to make sure you're happy and you're supported. That being said, like, in the moment, if you're wedding dress shopping and you feel a funky vibe, ladies or people is something going on? Are we all good here? Yeah.

If they say, yeah, we're all good. You got to believe them. Yes. Yeah. And you're right. It is a high-pressure situation. I guess we don't know how the brides, the maid of honor usually operates. but it's like maybe they don't usually snap at people,

but because this is such a like out of the ordinary situation where they're also in a leadership role and they're leading people they don't know. And they're leading people that they're probably a little jealous of. It's complicated. Yeah. Yeah. Have you been a maid of honor?

I haven't. I have. Yeah. It's stressful. Yeah. And I remember sending an email and not getting any responses. And then I remember sending another email

and I said, this is important to the person who's my friend who is getting married. I need a headcount for this. If I don't hear back in like three days, I'm just going to assume you're not coming. And if you do come, that's on you. I'm not going to help

with your transportation or anything to the events that we're doing. Yeah. And then like, there was a strip club involved and somebody had something to say, about that. And I was like, again, this is not your wedding. I put stuff together. The bride said she approves. So however you think is on you, you don't have to come. So it was just me kind of being a bitch at times. Yeah. And corraling people and being like, we have to be here at this.

I did a good job, but it was very fucking stressful. And I'm sure people talk shit about me. But also it's like kind of wild that it's just like You just leave it up to your friends To plan things It's like a thing that you should hire someone to do And you're like and now everyone's gonna plan things for me And it's like this is actually hard Yes and if you don't do a good job like you're the asshole

Yeah Yeah it's a strange tradition It's a strange way of operating because, yeah, you really are asking people all of a sudden, outside of your job, outside of everything else you usually do, outside of your family, we're going to plan a big thing. And this wedding was out of state and the Bachelorette was out of state as well. Yeah. And it was like me calling places being like, can you accommodate the, are you even having a strip show? And they go like, yes, we are. Would you like a penis cake? Yeah.

Yes. What color do you want it? I don't know. Surprise us. Well, no, what did I say? I said, well, what colors can it be? And they went, well, black or white? And I was like, okay, got it? I think I would rather it be like a fun color. Purple. Yeah. I think it's like too real if it's like skin toned. It was flesh toned and it was maybe one of the most upsetting things I've ever seen. all of us were like, and there's the cake. I don't know if a single person ate it. Like, let's cut into it. Do you want the balls or the head? It was so nasty. That is also such a weird thing about Bachelor at parties. It's like penis is everywhere.

Penis straws. Penis, like, hats. Gross. It is a wild thing where it's like, you're getting locked up. We've got to take it. to the strip club one last time to say some titty! You'll never see another titty again! And it's like movies and media exist.

You might see another titty again. It's okay. But yeah, yeah, the tradition of penis drinking through a penis straw. Discussing. Nasty. Nasty. They also drew the hairs on the balls. That's really upsetting.

Just like a little curly cute. It was so, when I tell you, when they slapped it down, it was still in the pain. And they were like, here you go, ladies. And we were like, okay. Did the strippers also bake it? Yes. Oh. Yes.

Oh. That's why it was still in a baking pan. Fresh out the oven. We just frosted this bitch. That's so funny. And I think it was extra for the cake. I was like, sure? I don't know.

It was also in a basement. It was so wild. My God. And I believe that the chair that they gave lap dances in is just a folding chair. Like, it's not a fantasy at all. Mm-hmm. So to that, I say, she's dealing with a lot. She's dealing with a lot.

You know? Yeah. She's trying to decide whether you want a black or a white flesh-tone penis cake. Yeah. Yeah. So Snap May, I think, is, it's going to happen throughout this process. Hopefully it hasn't happened in a way that's, like, so detrimental that people can't even be in the same room. But it's like, it's okay.

They don't have to be best friends. It's okay. Also, you might have snapped at someone and not realized. I'm sure she has snapped at somebody and not realize it. And then people move on. It's like, it's okay. Yeah. Solved.

If you want something solved, we have an email address. Nicole and Sishir at gmail.com. We also have a phone number that you can text or call. Please text when you're not driving. Yes. I just remember that this person said that they texted while they were in the car. And it was long. It was a really long text.

I hope they pulled over for that. Swerving all over the road. I hope that number's right. And then she said. Yes, safely text us at 323-238-6554. All right. Well, we did it. We did it. Another one in the books. Another one bites the dust. Lean back. Shaking my dang head and so much damn hate. Bye.

That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Often. A lot. A whole lot.

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday. I can't believe summer's almost over. I don't know. There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season. Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season.

Oh, yes. I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin Theater in Portland. Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington. And then everyone gathers around Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago.

I broke a toilet fair. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th show at St. City Winery in Philadelphia. Love that. And of course, there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Gramercy Theater in New York. Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is the most magical time of the year.

People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah!