Oscars Outsider - Housewife Judo w/ Chad Anderson (RHOM S5 E13, RHONJ S13 E2)

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

This week Craig and Dylan are joined by comedian Chad Anderson to discuss the dark arts of Julia Lemigova and the sensuality of Mozzarella (RHOM S5 E13 & RHONJ S13 E2) Find Dylan on substack at https://dylanferguson.substack.com/ [https://dylanferguson.substack.com/] Find Chad online at chadanderson.net [https://www.chadanderson.net/] Music by FASSounds [https://pixabay.com/users/fassounds-3433550/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=music&utm_content=112194] from Pixabay [https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=music&utm_content=112194]

Hello and welcome to the Bravo Outsider Podcast. I'm your host, Craig Midwinter, and with me is my co-host Dylan Ferguson. Dylan, how are you today? I'm doing great how my brouhas out there. Doing good. Doing pretty good. So each week we bring on an outsider who does not follow the real housewives. We make them watch the episode and get their takes.

And joining us today is comedian Chad Anderson. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for having me. Good, yeah. All right, so let's get right into it. Just tell us a bit about yourself and your previous experience with the Real Housewives. Yeah, okay. I'm a stand-up comedian, live in Winnipeg. I have no experience with the Real Housewives. This was first time ever watching, yeah. Awesome. And did you have any sort of pre-existing ideas about what Real Housewives were? Obviously, like, it's a cultural phenomenon. So what was your idea of what Real Housewives was going to be?

I thought it was going to be pure trash, to be honest. That's what I was expecting just peer trash. And was it? It's okay to say it was. That's not necessarily a negative description. Yeah, I don't know. I was surprised. I was definitely surprised I liked Miami better than New Jersey.

but we could get into that more or later. But I was surprised by both of them. New Jersey fit what I was expecting a lot more than Miami did, I feel like. Yeah, I could definitely see how that would be the case. Interesting. Before we get into the highlights on Real Housewives of Miami and Real Housewives of New Jersey, I'm going to start things off with some Bravo news.

So this week, Jen Shaw from Real Housewives of Miami. Houseways of Salt Lake City will begin her sentence. She'll be going away for seven and a half years and she got some tats before she went in. So if you guys were going to prison, what kind of tattoos would you guys get? I would get like a fake health checkup that says that I'm like, I've infected with a bunch of terrible diseases so that people just stay away for me. I don't know why I would have a like I guess I'm in a concentration cap or something I've got my health information tattooed on my skin I don't know I've never been to prison being in being a native person I would get a swastika tattoo just to confuse everyone giant one on my back yeah I'm a bit disappointed that Jen Shaw didn't get like a swastika like the shan like the shan like the shan like the shan

the swastika or a lot of the hostwives that have like the Chanel earrings or something like name brands it would be it would be awesome to see her like tagged up get a full sleeve of like Chanel and Lou Vuitton oh yeah uh so next up this week we had some rumors of shady business practices from Louis the new husband of Teresa Judice and it sounds like things are a pretty similar situation to Jen Shaw. He was running some sort of lead generation business. So it could be another telemarketing scam. We'll see if it's as serious as Jen Shaw's. Are they still filming the current season? Of New Jersey. Of New Jersey, yeah. No, New Jersey's wrapped. But they have not shot the reunion yet.

So the reunion will typically happen around the midpoint of the season is when they'll bring everyone on once a lot of the mud that has been sort of flung in the confessionals has aired. Then that's, they'll get them when they're at their most heated.

Okay, great. I just want to hear about it. That's all. Yeah, for sure. That'll be fun. And further on Bravo premieres, last week we had Vanderpump Rules premiere and this week Summerhouse premiered. This is something I am moderately excited about. I would say more excited than Vanderpump rules,

but we'll see what this season brings. I think there are some characters that have maybe overstayed their welcome, Kyle and Amanda specifically. I think now that they're married and things are sort of stabilized, we don't really need to see them on the show anymore. The kiss of death for reality TV, right?

Yeah, yeah. but, you know, often. And I mean, they do have a toxic relationship, which can be fun to see play out. But I kind of feel that they might not give us anything of value. We've got Lindsay returning and her and Carl are deep in a relationship. And Lindsay has been one of the most like crazy energies on Bravo TV in a long time. And so I'm a little disappointed to see her finding some stability here. just for selfish reasons.

But, you know, you never know what happens in the summer house. So we'll see how that all goes down. Craig, you don't like when your reality TV stars get their lives together. No, I'm getting from that. And to be honest, like reality TV is, it's like bloodsport, right? You're watching people, they are sacrificing their mental health and like taking jabs at each other and putting their reputations on the line. but it's, it's fun to watch.

So there's, um, I would say, I don't usually refer to, like reality TV as a guilty pleasure because I think that it's, there's so much to it. There's so many like intriguing storylines that play out over the course of years. And,

uh, there's so much nuance in, in the characters, but if there's one thing that, guilty pleasure is just stupid anyways. You shouldn't have guilty pleasures. Unless you're like a pedophile or something. You shouldn't be guilty about your pleasures.

Come on. I mean, that's true. And like if these people, I don't know, I feel like they want, these are people who want to be famous and this is pretty much the only way that they'll do it. They know the deal. They're on the score. Yeah, it's a rough business. It's a brutal deal. But everybody's consenting.

They know what they're signing up for. Okay. So if you listen to last week's episode, we did a scene by scene. recap of each of the shows that we were covering. We're going to change things up a little bit as we find our format here. We're going to go through person by person, talk about our highlights from each episode. So to lead things off, I would like to get Chad as the fresh eyes. Start with your highlights for Real Housewives of Miami.

Okay. Let's go. Okay. This one's a, okay, I want to say, I watched Miami first. and at the end of it I was like I kind of want to keep I'm going to keep watching this I think you know like I might go back and just start from the beginning because I felt like I wanted to know know the storylines I need to know these people's backstories we got a convert over here you hooked one real them and critic I think one one of my highlights was

and when half of them went to go down the water slides and then the other half stayed. And then it was basically the younger ones that went to the water slides and the older ones that stayed when she called them the golden girls and she didn't know who the golden girls was. Larsa Pippen has no idea who the golden girls are. I thought that was fantastic. Yeah, that was a really fun moment. a cap off to the the trope of a hotel tour is a thing within the Real Housewives franchise. There's always like whenever they go on a cast trip, there's always a hotel tour or an accommodations tour.

Usually it leads to fighting over the rooms. There was none of that this time. But to cap things off and see them sort of decompressing after is not something that we see all the time, especially going down to the pool. So that was one scene that really like stood out to me as well. I love the separation of sex in the city versus the golden girls. I thought that was really good. And the way they cut it together was hilarious.

You had the girls like screaming as they're going down the water slide, intercut with shots of the golden girls eating melons and yawning. Yeah, intercutting the two scenes together was there was a really good call. A lot of good comedy there. Is there something where we could eat? just kind of like trying to find something to do when they're sitting around. Yeah, that, that I laughed out loud, which he said, can we order food? That was, that was great.

Another thing, when they entered the water park, they were introduced to a guy that had the name key water park butler, so they had like a water park butler that could have been giving them melons and, you know, I guess feeding them grapes off the vine. I love that they were all called butler. too. So great. Just like picturing a guy wearing like tails and a bow tie up top

but having like swim trucks on the bottom with like flip flops. That's how a water park butler should be dressed. Yeah, exactly like a penguin. Yeah, exactly. I did. And like right after that scene, I did enjoy even though it was like kind of gossipy

when the golden girls when it cut to them having like an actual conversation. I did get a sense of like I'm like oh it's kind of I feel like these these women in this group actually care about each other At least it seemed like like they were comforting What was her name Lisa they were comforting Lisa? I thought that was kind of interesting to see and they weren't even really gossiping about the other group It was just kind of like you're kind of comforting Lisa and kind of just trying to get her to stop talking about Lenny the whole time too. Just stop saying his name.

But you're right. This one is kind of sweet in that way. More so than I think other episodes of the series, there was a little bit more of like camaraderie happening in some ways. Adriana has like a strangely heartfelt moment too where she's talking about like how like men don't internalize their like relationships as much as what we do and stuff. And it felt like I was coming from the heart. Like there were some moments where they seem to be like,

trying to give each other advice and band together. Yeah, I thought that Adriana, like, played a really interesting role within this scene as well. I also, she had a line where Lisa starts looking at all the, like, the families, all the dads with their kids. And she's like, oh, look at all these good dads with their kids. And Adriana's like, don't be watching families. That's not good for you. Oh, that was, yeah. I just, yeah, I really thought that was a, that stuck out.

me but what really grabbed me right from the beginning was when it opened with um wait hold on let me get it julia julia yeah in the botanica saying yes we need protection to go to the bahamas what a great what a great cold open that was oh yeah it was they set it up like a horror movie uh just her her in the in the botanica and though in the witch the witch shop the witch store i think call it too uh just um uh yeah like um uh just like season of the witch like very great stuff with a flash forwards to them like speculating about her throwing curses uh really great stuff yeah i i really like how they uh whenever they like itemize each of the housewives and in some way where they you know name plus like item and as she's like describing each of the housewives and

getting like a some sort of crystal or charm for each each one and uh it was definitely a really compelling like introduction for sure and that was just like really interesting how they had all that stuff about like the spiritual beliefs and uh and the the the witchcraft in this episode um i was looking into a little bit and i actually uh got the opportunity to do some some uh on location research because I'm here in LA right now, as long-time listeners of the show will know in a second episode. Do you guys know what a botanica is? You heard this term before? So I hadn't heard it before.

I did Google it after. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know. I hadn't heard it. Yeah, I'd like heard the term before. I didn't really know too much. So I was looking into it a bit and I went down this morning and I went to a botanica. Oh, nice.

To see what it's like. and I was reading the history and stuff. And it's really cool because it's like these places that they probably come from like originally like Cuba or Puerto Rico in the 50s, though some people say they originated in like Spanish Harlem in New York City. But there's a lot of them in L.A., in New York and in Miami and like the Latino communities. And it's just like a mix of like espritismo and like spiritualism that kind of blends together. like indigenous beliefs with like some African traditions like they have Sinteria in Cuba which is

like a descendant of like the Yoruba religion they have in West Africa that with like some Catholic ideas and some like European spiritualism and stuff just kind of this like we this very unique mix of a spiritualist beliefs and it's a place where you know they'll have like the Novena candles you know those like prayer candles that old Mexican women always have you know and they have like all these like incenses and little charms and stuff like you see in the episode and like herb bundles and stuff but also it's not just like a store because you'll have somebody there who has certain skills uh who will be a person that you can consult who might be able to do like divinations or like do spiritual cleansings uh or just like consult for like counseling and stuff too because

they're kind of like community centers in a way with like uh with all that spiritual stuff mixed in the place that i went to today there is this woman named elena who is running the place who's like an abuelita like this little tiny grandmother who is like 93 years old and who was just nice as shit like really nice got some cool herbs that are going to like oh yeah they're going to give me all the powers of the uh the seven potensia's africans these are like the like your Ruba powerful spirits that come from like West African traditions that have become interwoven and like Caribbean and Latin American traditions. Anyway, just a really fascinating mix of beliefs that all happen.

And these these like places that you find in like very Latino communities. And yeah, cool stuff. So I like that that was like woven into the episode as part of it. Yeah. And it was it was done in like a really organic waste. Like oftentimes when you see. stuff like this and other franchises. It's pretty clear that it's very like superficial and gimmicky.

But this like, you know, this is something that was like taken very seriously by all the girls. It was like often played for gags a bit. Yeah, when they call the store and stuff. Yeah, but it definitely like something that, you know, you could tell there was actual like seriously held beliefs around that like persisted within this group. Yeah. especially for alexia she alexia took a pretty seriously was that who it was alexia yeah the intense one who was like when it as soon as she got her crystal it caught to her being like what are you doing yeah i'm not gonna like she's kind of like accusing julia it's not really clear where she's accusing julia of

like not necessarily intentionally like uh causing shit but like maybe unintentionally or maybe she doesn't know what she's doing i mean julia is like kind of different for most of the girls because she is She's an outsider. She's a, as they say in Korea. And so I feel like Alexia is maybe like implying that she doesn't like know enough to like be messing with those things, messing with those forces. And Marisol certainly seems to imply that maybe her COVID is a result of witchcraft and also the fact that she's gained weight as a result of witchcraft. Yeah. That was a high.

Marisol shit. Yeah, she's got COVID. She's gaining weight in her mom's presence is no longer around. All things that should not be happening to her. It's got to be Julia's witchcraft. Yeah. Marisol is just the best. I mean, I just love the way that she's always like exclaiming delightedly these things that are just obviously fucking not true with a straight face. I mean, granted her face is probably by necessity always straight at this point. but it just adds to the delivery.

It's just great. Like, you know, they introduced it. They say that she has COVID. So surely she has a negative test. And then it went by, she's like, I don't think I have COVID. And yeah, there was also like a scene during the hotel tour

where Julia is using some of the protection herbs and like trips, like some sort of motion detection on the curtain. And her and Adrienne are sure that it's, it's ghosts that are upset. She starts moving the curtain and it keeps closing it. She's like, wow. I just want to see her like try to get her to a minivan or something. The door starts, keeps opening it.

She'll be like, witches everywhere. I look. Going into the supermarket, the door opens out of its own. They're following me. It was like, the curtain was moving so, it was so very clear. that it was being moved by a device. Yeah. Like any other person, like, hear the motor.

Yeah, any other person would have been like, oh, cool, automatic. Or that's the most polite ghost in the world. Like, it's just, here, let me just gently close these for you. It's the ghost of a pool butler or water park butler or whatever he's called. What else? Oh, the porn search history when Julia was just going, what's a DP? What's a DP?

12 times. Yeah. So this was another one of my highlights as well. Nicole's game at dinner. I thought, I think any time that a game is played on Housewives, it's always really good because the Housewives never let, an opportunity to be shady towards each other go by.

But this one was mostly just like playing fun. Yeah, it was fun. And it did cut to some of the other games. Yeah. And so I was kind of expecting that. But Nicole picked out the cards. Like she chose them beforehand. And I get the sense that, sorry, sorry,

that she's like the most level-headed one of the group. That's what I got the sense. Yeah, I would say that that's probably an accurate assessment. Gertie is pretty, like, level-headed as well, I would say. When she doesn't have a gigantic, ridiculous hat, like, weighing her head to one side, she's level-headed. So rarely. She loves a ridiculous head. So since you brought up both the sort of the dark arts of Julia and her charms and this game,

I had a little question that I wanted, or a little game I wanted to play with you guys. So I have a list of all of the charms that were passed out at this dinner. And I have matched them with a porn category. And I'm wondering if you guys can guess which category goes with which charm. Okay. So first up, we had Larsa and M. Marisol received a peace charm. I'm not sure I understand the question.

Okay, so for each charm, you have to identify a associated, like, a porn search that could... Okay, there's not a right answer. No, there's just the answer that I came up with to see if you can get it. It's kind of like a match game or dating game sort of thing. Oh, okay. I'm going to say peace, it was peaceful. That's what it was? Yeah, peace was...

what was written on it. Okay. I want to say blowjob videos. Okay. Explain why. You weren't expecting to show your work, were you? No. I just, I guess I just feel like that would be like if you were in that porn, that

situation, you, as the recipient, you would be, uh, you would be, uh, pretty at peace. Okay, that's a reasonable answer. Dylan? Is there like, do people search for like husband and wife? I'm trying to think of something that's not chaotic. That's not like disruptive. That's just like normal, like peaceful, right?

Something that that's not going to ruffle somebody's feathers where they're on screen or off. So like husband and wife, is that a lot of. porn. I'm not sure, but the answer that I had was softcore, so you were along the right lines there. Right, okay. Next up, Alexia received a happiness charm. I'm going to have to go with...

That's got to be DP. That's where it comes in. I think I'm going to have to go with blowjob videos again. Just every time. For this one, I had masturbation. So sort of a self-love type thing is what I was thinking. Yeah, that makes sense. It's like a work for peace, too.

Nicole received herbs for protection. I'm thinking J-O-I. Interestingly enough, Kiki's charm was joy, so that would have been a good fit for that. Well, because I'm just thinking she didn't get a thing she got a do it yourself kick, which is Oh, yeah. J.O.I. Jerk off instructions. I'm going to go back to the old handy blowjob category. Yeah.

It's like you're protecting somebody. You're cradling them in your lap. It's a very protective posture. Yeah. So for this one, I had babysitter. Okay. That's a good one. Okay, this next one was really hard. So I ended up pulling this one off of Wikipedia, and I'm not sure that you guys are going to get it.

But Lisa received one that said fate. Faith. There's got to be nuns. Nuns. That's a thing. Yeah, well, that's pretty close. Okay. Priests.

convents these are all searchers they're sure but these are all in my history okay I'll go with priests yeah so I found this on Wikipedia

it is Mormon pornography is like a oh is that the thing where they like jump on the bed you're talking about you know what I have absolutely no idea what this could mean Yeah.

All right. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's for the best. Then we had Gertie receive one that said friends. Step sibling porn. Oh, man. I don't know. I don't know. What do you get?

I got gang bang for that. What is your definition of friendship, man? I don't know. It was like sort of a group thing. Yeah. group activity, lots of participation. Sure. Okay, finally, Kiki had joy.

We did happiness already, isn't that kind of the... Yeah, it's similar. I had a different answer for this. Okay. Joy. Let's think here. Time's up. It's squirting. It's just about to get there.

All right, Chad. to your highlights. Did you have anything else notable from this episode? I think that was it. Yeah, the only other thing that I didn't really say, but you said, was in regards to the witchcraft was, yeah, the cut to Marisol, blaming her weight gain on witchcraft. I thought that was hilarious. And I also, yeah, I would say, I feel like I got the sense that Marisol is maybe the one that causes the most drama in the

group. Yeah, what gave you the sense was the final scene where she gets thrown into the group like a live grenade. Just fucking shows up with a bullhorn and is like, hook her! Amazing.

Marisol is my favorite for that reason. Just always shouting nonsense. She's the best. So Dylan, did you have any highlights that we didn't cover so far? Yeah, I think so. I mean, in general, I feel like compared to the episodes that came before, this feels a little bit more like a pallet cleanser kind of reset episode, like that they're kind of trying to put the stuff that happened,

previous episodes behind them and kind of get along. So kind of nice for that reason, but like a little bit low on the drama, like even with Alexia going in like our power forward trying to like stir some shit over like the witchcraft shot stuff it doesn't really spark like they're mostly just getting along for it which is why it's it's great when they they toss marisol into the mix mysteriously stay tuned i guess to find out why she's back from from isolation or whatever to finally get some sparks flyed so the bookhead's amazing like the horror movie intro so good uh the the stinger at the end, so good, pretty peaceful in the middle. I guess one thing that really stuck out for me is when they're at this resort in the Bahamas, one of the activities they show, which just didn't seem like appealing to me at all, is when they're doing yoga and an enclosure with flamingos. Like, what the fuck is that? Like, that's, for me, that's a classic, like, people doing something

that's designed for Instagram, but not for the actual experience. Like, you know, the photos would look cool, but why would you want to do that with a bunch of, like, big waterfowl, probably ornery that you're in their space, definitely shitting everywhere, because that's what birds do. Like, Jesus Christ, like, we're all Canadians. We've probably all had some run-ins with, like, large geese, you know, you don't fuck with those guys. Like, you don't, I don't know what a flamingo's disposition is like, but it's a large bird. Like, I know, for me, the idea of, like, getting in tights and ath, a leisure wear and

getting pushed into a pen with like these large water fowl. It sounds not like the ultimate relaxation. It sounds like a gladiatorial contest. Like I would hate that. I would be like

asking the water park butler like do I, do I not get a weapon? Like can I at least have like a ball of spikes on a chain or something? Like, what, I mean, just got to go in bare-handed. Because you don't want them to get the first blow in, right? Like, if you know birds, they're tactical fighters.

You want, you have to strike first. You have to go in hard. You have to start snapping their little legs. Yeah, I wonder how hard they could kick. Like, I wonder. Their legs are pretty spindly, but you never know with birds. They got big beaks. You never know.

Yeah, they could, I feel like if they pecked at you, that would hurt for sure. Yeah, that long neck just, they whipped their head at you from their long neck, like, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't find out. I'd come out their swing. Within the first 30 seconds, I'd be going, oh, are you not entertained? Like, just fucking smearing their presumably bubblegum pink blood on my face, just pulling their necks apart, like those, like, New York Eve, party crackers. I'm not letting them get the upper head. they have numbers you got to strategize for those anyways does not seem fun it seems like a terrible

terrible gimmick and they're kind of fraving it like alexia's like weird for me like i don't know i don't think i like they're like no you're normal that's normal that's that's the normal reaction that situation that sounds terrible and julia as well i noticed that she avoided that situation and she has like tons of birds and animals in her house so um you know she she she knows that she's not going to fuck with that. The witch warned her about that. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, other than that and the witchcraft stuff, which was really cool.

And just an interesting insight into like the spiritual beliefs that they might have, which added a bit of depths to everybody's character, especially Alexio, who seems to really take that to heart. Other than that, relatively peaceable episode of Miami with a promise that. it'll change next time. Yeah, and Nicole kind of gave it a bit of a kiss of death in her confessional when she said that everything is going well so far, like right before dinner where shit usually hits the fans. It is to be continued, right?

It is to be continued. Yeah. So that also covered pretty much all of my highlights. The only other thing that I had on my list was the hotel tour. I really appreciated having a Lenny counter on the screen. wish I would have known that this was going to happen, so I could have been taking shots along with everyone. They just didn't think of you. Yeah.

And Julia and Adriana, I thought, really shined during the hotel tour, especially when they got to see the movie theater. And they were like, oh, what movie should we watch tonight? And Julia was like, oh, Rocky Horror Picture Show. And then Adriana was like, I don't do horror movies. Which I don't know if this actually qualifies as a horror movie. I'll leave that up. She just heard the word horror and they reacted that way. That's great.

I think we just end the scene there. That's perfect. I love it. I like, that's a fascinating part to me about these people. It's like they're just only involved in their own small world to the point where they don't know popular culture, which is amazing. Yeah, they're truly existing on like a separate planet. Okay, so up next this week, we had Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Episode two, we'll start again with Chad to get his impressions and highlights. Okay, so this one, gosh, okay. this one was uh i thought this one was a lot more fun to watch uh in terms of like oh here's the trash that i was expecting oh yeah i'm really glad that i watched miami first um like oh yeah there's the friendship breakup like right at the beginning of the episode oh perfect perfect yeah um and then i thought there was a nice little, what was her name? Jennifer's kids? Oh, yeah.

When her daughter, it cut just a quick scene of her daughter saying, uh, my perfect little nose, which is all natural in the way she turned out. Jennifer's daughter is a superstar. Yeah. Yeah. Like shading Jennifer, but also like her dad, who is a plastic surgeon. So good. That's right.

I don't think about that. Those noses built that massive house you live in. I also, yeah, the highlight for me from this one, which I was that there were more of the husbands in this in New Jersey. It's seen maybe it's just the episode of Miami. There was, because they all went on a trip together and no husbands. But I did like that the husbands were around. maybe it's because they're from

New Jersey and I just love the way they all talk and how they all like they really just found all the people that you would expect to see if you went to New Jersey and put them on TV. You don't have to look far

you can just go into a random pub and you would find those people. But yeah the husbands are like stars of the show as much as the host one. on New Jersey and this episode was even like pretty light on the husband's I was going to say this is this is a relatively light on the husband's episode compared to other visits new jersey unfortunately but yeah

you're right they are but they introduced the new husband on this mozzarella mozzarella um what was I yeah this one was a little more tough for me also because I had to watch it while I was like doing things just because everyone came home so I was making supper and watching at the same time but I did what was her name when they were sitting there talking about like oh do you want to go out more do you like staying home I heard Dolores and Paul Dolores and Paul yeah I liked their I liked their like conversation in that scene I don't know what it was it was it was just like this is like like to an extent these are all the things I talk with my wife about like where I'm like should should we could

stay home or like you know like yeah I thought that was just kind of a nice little candid thing yeah it's interesting that you picked up on that in that scene because I think that Dolores is a very emotionally intelligent housewife her and her ex-husband Frank Katania they've got very like open communication and they are very transparent about their emotions and have like a high emotional IQ I think so it's interesting to see this manifest in this new relationship oh this is a new relationship for her okay yeah yeah we just met him wasn't in episode one at all I think right there was no frank in this one no they talked about him a little bit but he was he didn't make an appearance yeah okay To its detriment, because as I've said last time, Frank is my favorite character in the show.

Oh, yeah. Huh. Now I think I might have to go back and get all the stories for this one as well. Yeah, and that's actually going to be fairly hard to do because New Jersey is a very mature franchise. I think this is season 13 or something like that. Yeah, 13. There's a lot of family and just longstanding drama. So it's something that is hard to pick up.

You kind of have to pick it up as you go, unless you're planning on doing like a full-blown rewatch, which I would recommend because it's great. So 13 seasons, that's like, wow, okay. A year of your life. I could do it. I could do it. Where was I?

This wasn't necessarily a high. highlight, but it was, I laughed out loud, was right before, who, the woman who I presume is a new -ish housewife on the show, went over to Jennifer's house, and it was storming, and then the kid goes, where is my Bible in regards to this storm? Yeah, I thought that was really funny, too. And then, and then in the next thing, yeah, when that woman, what was her? name with the kids um valentina and dominique oh oh yeah daniel yeah she knew she knew to the show yeah she's no yeah okay yeah she uh she was hilarious and just the kids the names i'm like oh yeah yeah you're those are new jersey folks for sure valentina what a name what a name and the last

thing i wanted to say i yeah this one was was there's so much going on in it and for me to like to really I feel like it was easier for me to follow along with Miami compared to this one maybe because it was just an easier episode like with this one I was constantly finding myself like what's what's the backstory between these women oh yeah yeah yeah it's very dense but young John Fuda looked like a huge douche bag when they showed pictures of them is that his name John Fuda. Oh yeah, that's Rachel's husband, right?

Yeah, Rachel's husband. Oh, okay. Rachel Fuda, that's her name. Right, yeah. Yeah, when they showed him, like, his pictures, and they were talking about how they met and everything, and she showed a picture of him as a young guy. I was like, oh, he looks like the kind of guy that didn't take no for an answer.

Yeah, former pizza place owner or something like that. Right, yeah, yeah. He looked very different in his old. photos compared to his appearance on screen, at least when he made his initial appearance last week. Oh, so he's new to the show too. Oh, okay. Yeah, she's a new housewife as well. So actually, one of the questions I was going to ask you was if you, who do, who would

you think would be a new housewife? You picked up on Danielle, and yeah, Rachel is, is the other one. Okay. Yeah, I didn't pick up on Rachel being new. But, yeah, I actually appreciated that. backstory too where they talked about how they met and uh you know how he had a kid already and i thought that was kind of a nice little touch with like the sun and then like but then at the same time i'm like oh these are rich people because it's like how many phones did you break this year

five five your fifth phone how do you do that if i if i break a phone i ride i'm riding it out till it doesn't work anymore oh yeah you just see my screen right now. Jesus Christ. How do you buy five, presumably iPhone as well because they're rich kids. Five iPhones in the year. That's insane.

Yeah, those are my highlights for sure. For sure, yeah, I think that's it. I did, yeah, the biggest thing for me was the husband seeing the husbands for. I guess I'll have to go watch some more to get the backstory on their husbands. Dylan, how about you? What were your highlights?

Just off the top, I want to point out that I think that Daniel's son Dominic fucking nailed that joke off the top about pretending to have a British accent where the punchline is just saying motherfucker. Oh yeah. He killed that. I loved it. I thought his timing, his delivery was so on point. Props, Dominic, he did great. But my highlight is just everything about the mozzarella making or the Musaurel making because I really want to highlight how beautiful Daniel's New Jersey pronunciation

of the word is when she says Musaurel. Oh, yeah. A couple of them, you drop the final vowel at the end, which is the New Jersey way of saying Italian words. Some of them say mozzarella like chumps. But Daniels especially has that great New Jersey pronunciation of Mussarell really great. You know, it's kind of like how they say gabagool for Capacola, you know, and famous by the Sopranos.

There's like a whole body of literature on the way that people in New Jersey say Italian words, mostly because people from New Jersey are families that are from like the south of Italy that mostly came before the Italian unification before there was like a standard Italian language. And it's a, and I think it's a lovely thing. And I love to see that. I love to see that unique pronunciation happening. That's interesting. I didn't know that about all the old families in New Jersey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why, yeah, or like if they'll say like prosciutto, like prosciutto and stuff like that. Like it's a very unique way of pronouncing words, even if the people don't speak Italian themselves. There's a specific way that you pronounce traditionally Italian words, which is almost all food words or swear. for Jersey families. You get a bit of that in the Sopranos, right? But to see it like organically in the wild is a lovely thing. I really like that.

And I was just so excited that they were going to make mozzarella because I love seeing people to make mozzarella. I love seeing people manipulate food. I'm a huge junkie for like chef's table for that reason. I don't know if you guys watch chef's table. But, you know, there's just like. For me, an average episode of Chef's Table is like a B-minus documentary with A-plus food porn. Tons of shots, like slow-motion high-definition shots of hands manipulating ingredients.

And it's so, and it's so exciting for me. It's very, it's like erotically charged. It's sensual. It's amazing. So they recently did, like the last, the most recent episode or series that you did on Chef's Table was on pizzas. did chef's table's pizzas. And that was the best one yet for like food porn because you have people like manipulating dough, squishing tomatoes to make sauce with their bare hands.

And of course, you have people making mozzarella. And seeing people make mozzarella, I thought was just amazing. Like it's just a beautiful, sensual thing to do. So what I found out of that's what Danielle was going to have them doing. I was like,

this is amazing. I'm going to be the freak that finds this hot. And then they all do. Yeah, yeah. The editors had your back and the girls had your back. I felt so validated. It was like such a horny edit. As soon as like the girl started like responding to it, I was like, oh my God, this is crazy.

And then the editors just like went, you know, 10 out of 10 drive up the horniness on this. I understand 100%. Everybody except for Dolores, right? Because Dolores was in their like fucking mopey stern. dead set on starting a fight. Oh, she was so determined. She was so determined to just not, to just not have any fun whatsoever.

So she was like, you know, all her horny receptors were turned off while everybody else's were turned bright on. And I love to just have a little clip while everybody's getting turned on where she says, bunch of sick fucks getting turned on by cheese. Yeah, Dolores was like ready to hate fuck.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But she was wrong. Everybody else was right. Making mozzarella is sexy and incredible. It's too bad they had gloves on. Of course, they do for like Sanagerie reasons. But it's too bad they have black gloves on. It's better when it's naked hands. I guess maybe that's like the PDSM of making Musaurel when you have black stretchy plastic gloves on. I don't know. I do kind of feel bad for Giacomo who's like just at the center of all this the guy who's making the Musa Relle, right? Who just kind of has to be like a caged animal in between all of them. But great scene. That was definitely

the highlight. And then it was too bad it had to get ruined by just like a Jennifer getting fucking torn into by Margaret who then like taps in Dolores to finish off the job

they just tags out and then just like Dolores who's just been like fuming sitting there like an enforcer who's been glued to the bench all game long and the final minutes of the losing match gets the tap on the shoulder from the coach just leaps over the boards like

oh right just fucking comes out swinging to just polish her off. She was like so wild, I was surprised that it was Margaret that was the first to like talk to Jen because before Jen even arrived, she told Teresa, stop sticking up for this cunt. I'm going to smash her fucking face in.

They went in on Jennifer so fucking hard. Oh my God. I felt bad for her, especially if like, because Margaret implies that she might be stoned. I don't know if that was true or not. but if she was stoned like first of all a great idea to get stoned yeah you're going to manipulate muserell that sounds amazing uh and how much more horrible would it have been for her to have these

like two hard asses just fucking incessantly ripping into her while she's high and just wanted to play with cheese sounds awful worst it ever cheese chris it's weird to think of like people like that smoking weed, you know? It just doesn't seem like a thing they would do. Like people are so, so into themselves, like, and worried about beauty. Well, Jen and Bill, they love to party. So we got a preview of the upcoming season. They are getting black out drunk again at some point.

This has been a reoccurring season. Our thing, since they join, at least once a season, we'll see, like, Bill being carried by the rest of the husbands because he just got like two wasted or Jennifer collapsed on the ground. So really looking forward to that, not surprised that, you know, um,

she might be greening out a little bit in, uh, in, in, in some of those scenes and we just didn't realize it. Oh, yeah. That's a that,

that, okay, now I gotta, I got to, this, this show from the beginning. I'm going to full 13. Yeah.

I'm going to full 13. I would say one of the things that I really appreciate about Housewives, if you do happen to get into it, is that these characters, they evolve in some ways quickly, but in some ways really slowly and subtly. And they also oscillate between being someone that you root for and someone that you root against, which is something I don't think you can see on, in a lot of other narrative forms of television. This is a pretty unique way of storytelling because these people are still people and no matter how constructed the situations that you put them in, they still are humans that respond as human in nuanced ways.

They're thinking about their reputations. They've got backstories, like, actual backstories that inform their decision-making, and there's no way that you could write a fictional character that has that same nuance. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's just like, if you think about it, like it makes sense that sometimes you root for them,

sometimes you don't. Because if I think about it, if someone was watching my life, there's probably definitely be points in, in the fifth season of Chad Anderson, where maybe that's a fit. Maybe in the 16th season of Chad Anderson where people are going to be like,

this guy is a piece of shit. But people can change. People can change. Anyway. And sometimes they're too stubborn to change too when they really should. Yeah. And sometimes you'll feel like the producers

are trying to force a they have changed message on them and the people themselves just will like go against the current too much to make it stick. And that's also the beauty of it too. It's just like for me, there's the tension between like what you feel the show wants them to do. And there's like the pathways they want to guide people along. And the people's,

the character's awareness of that and awareness of the audiences' expectations, as well as how they appear to their friends and the people around them and their co-cast members. But then the impulses of like the actual person kind of in conflict or or pushing and pulling with and against these different expectations for them that are both like diagetic like enforced by the show on them and that are like enforced just socially by the people around them at the same time. I find that like a really complex way to try to like interrogate the idea of what a person is. that just adds to the pleasure of following the characters for multiple seasons and seeing how they navigate them. Which characters are like original cast members?

So on this cast, the only one that is an OG. So they call like Original Housewives OGs. The only one on this cast is Teresa Jude Ice. Really? Yeah. huh okay okay well yeah i think it would be yeah i gotta start i because i want to see like the evolution of like the first season where they all know they're all new to being on tv compared to how like were they pretty awkward in the first season with having cameras

or are they just such egomaniacs that like right from the beginning they're like yeah who cares the cameras here and maybe even playing it up a little more than they do now um Yeah, it's pretty interesting because you'll, whenever there's like new housewives that are introduced in their first season, they, they clearly don't have a full idea of what it's going to be like. So you do get like glimpses of that, but whenever you start a franchise from season one, you really get a sense of like, a show that's finding itself. And I feel like New Jersey has always had a pretty, like, defined vision that kind of sets it apart from other franchises. Like, New Jersey has always had an element of, like, family drama that is not as present in other franchises. A lot of other franchises have, you know, the conflict is between the housewives and they're not related.

but we touch on this last week. The thing with New Jersey is, you know, there's actual like blood relationships and like very deep back stories there that you can't really, you can't completely eradicate someone out of your life. And there's repercussions for your actions that are going to ripple off camera in ways that don't happen in other franchises. Hmm. Okay.

So New Jersey seems like the place to start. It, it, it, it, I mean, all of the franchises, I think, have very different, like, they have different perspectives, different, like, different mission statements, I guess. And so New Jersey is, like, a decent place to start. Yeah, there's, they're all very different. I would say you could pretty much start anywhere and have a good time. What's the original? What city is the original?

Real Housewives of Orange County. Okay. Okay. Dylan, did you have any other highlights you wanted to go over? Not really. Emotionally just like, yeah, love the mozzarella thing. And then we haven't really mentioned that there was that whole like, thing about them about some people like getting information on margaret and then margaret

getting information from a friend that another friend just snitching on her and there was like just such like spy craft and like oh yeah counter espionage it got like very john le carre for a moment there i'm not i it was very very uh spy versus spy stuff yeah there's a mole in team jennifer's camp yeah it it felt like a cold war drama of for a second there. Any speculation on who the mole on Team Jennifer could be? Danielle. That was my guess as well.

I thought it might be Danielle. Yeah, yeah. I could see that. Daniel did say, didn't she tell Jennifer that she was getting along with her really well? Yeah. But I guess that could have been putting up a facade. Yeah, interesting. I just felt like the way when they were on the group call in Jennifer's house in that scene when they were on the fate, they were on the call with whoever else it was.

That's Teresa. Teresa, yeah. It seemed like Danielle had this look like, I can't wait to tell someone about this. That's the vibe I got on. They were reluctant to, like, share any additional information in front of her. I think, you know, she's a new housewife, so they are, you know, they've got every reason to be a bit cagey around her. But I don't know who else it could be because, like, frankly, there's not a lot of people that are actually on team Jennifer. So there's, like, Teresa and that's kind of about it.

Hmm. Interesting. What if it was Teresa? Uh-oh. Yeah, I mean, that's, uh, I would say that that is not impossible, but pretty unlikely. I think one of the things about this that stood out to me was I thought Jennifer had a really good read when she was like, if this, if the tables were, returned, would Margaret be listening to this? And absolutely she would. I thought that was like a spot on read because of course she would. Margaret is, is a pro. Jennifer is, this is her third season. So she's kind of just stepping into like the veteran's role of a housewife. She's got an idea of how things work. And this seemed to be a point where, um, she has she seems like she has arrived like she knows the game and how to play it now and I just thought this was like a veteran read from her yeah yeah that's a good point yeah I did also

kind of want to point out that I liked the scene of Paul kind of talking to to Dolores and pretty skillfully I thought navigating potential challenges with Frank that that that we might see heading up where it's sounding like somewhat jealous but mostly like sounding a note of like sensitivity and like trying to be like open to everybody's opinion and and ending by saying like but you know I you know I got to you now and stuff and I thought that was a nice like this set up for maybe a potential conflict I thought but I think Paul like was playing his role well there he was like like not being too outwardly critical and not looking to butt heads.

And I thought that was an interesting setup for whatever we might see in the future. Because again, Frank isn't even in this episode at all. But yeah, I think like I am like you, Dylan. I love Frank. He's one of my favorite characters on this. So going in, I was loaded with some bias towards. Paul, knowing that there was going to be a conflict here, this was a lot more skillful, like, social navigation than I was anticipating from him. And I agree. I think he handled this

really well. And it seemed earnest. Yeah, yeah. I'm excited to see what's to come. I do want to point out a couple of my favorite quotes. Daniel says to Jacobo and the Mooselle Moussurel makers, you guys are going to sweat like prostitutes in church. today. That's good. Good line from Daniel. I get another strong showing from the rookie. And, yeah, I think Delora said at one point, I don't have time for this. What am I, a forensic accountant?

I literally don't know what the fuck she meant by that. Like, that's just so obscure to me. I do not know what she's talking about. So I love it. It's wonderful. Yeah, those are some hits for me. That and Dominic's amazing joke delivery. Those are my quotes for this episode. In terms of my highlights, the thing that

sounded out to me, first off, I thought Jennifer, old Jennifer, Jennifer, had a really fantastic performance here. I think she showed a, like I mentioned before, a mature housewives perspective when she was showing her thought process behind listening to Dolores' or Margaret's friends' intel. I also thought the chaos that she caused at the mozzarella party was excellent. She knew that she had Dolores pissed at her and was, just really able to trigger it by saying,

I don't have issues with Dolores. She has issues with me, which like really set Dolores off. Yeah. She got into it with Margaret. And she low-key started a fight with Teresa and Melissa by bringing up the seating arrangements at the wedding, which she had to have known was a sore spot and would start something.

and she just really organically, you know. It was a deflection. Yeah. It was a, it was a very, like, skillful deflection. And she was able to. It's that judo shit, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It was pure housewife judo. Yeah. Huh. You guys, I, I wasn't watching with this kind of lens that you guys are watching. Like, they're players in a game. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

They absolutely are. It is chess. Another thing that I... 3D chess. Yeah. Star Trek shit. Another thing that I really enjoyed was we got to see Teresa's wedding invite fiasco play out. So Teresa sent out invites to her wedding, which it didn't even really occur to me that this was like a wedding season of Housewives, which normally is something that can sometimes don't.

dominate a storyline and make for a dull season, but there's enough going on in New Jersey where it didn't even register to me that this was a thing. But she sends out wedding invites. It's 67 days before her wedding, which seems like very late to be sending out invites. And then Ramona Singer on social media did an Instagram story and was showing the invite that Teresa sent out and ended up like doxing the wedding. All the details on the invite were made, made public. And so Teresa, I guess, had to reschedule a bunch of shit for her wedding and send out new invites asking people not to post the details so that all the fans.

Because combined these housewives, they've, are individually, they've got millions of followers like combined. There's so many people that. Craig would have crashed that wedding. Yeah, so I had to reschedule my flight, and it was just a big ordeal, but it was nice to see that reflected on the episode. But it was also really interesting to me to see that kind of play out side by side with what we saw of Melissa this episode, which was not a lot. It was just her and Joe Gorga just kind of being butt hurt about the seating arrangements or whatever. and it really highlighted to me how much Melissa needs Teresa way more than Teresa needs. Melissa on this show, everything is about Teresa for Melissa.

That's really her only storyline and like even bringing sprinkle cookies to Margaret's place, which is a callback to early seasons of Real Housewives from New Jersey's where there was a conflict where Teresa throughout Melissa's sprinkle cookies that she brought over for Christmas. She's just really grasping on to this. And Teresa barely seems to even realize that they are fighting. She's talking about how great of a time she had in L.A. at this thing with Melissa and how it was good. And so that about covers all of the highlights that I had for New Jersey. Any final thoughts from either of you guys?

Okay, final thoughts was it was far more exciting. At times, a little bit hard to, again, yeah, just comprehend the backstories and where the fights are coming from and stuff like that. But yeah, a lot more fun to watch. I think I enjoyed New Jersey more than Miami. Yeah, I think we got like two contrasting episodes from these. one that had a lot of deep-rooted issues that kind of came to the surface. They didn't really resolve anything, but it required a lot more context in New Jersey. Whereas Miami, like Dylan said, it was a bit of a pallet cleanser,

but we did get to see a lot of the housewives personalities shine through. And really excellent presentation for Miami. it was a really good contrast between two franchises to get a sort of point and counterpoint on what Housewives is. Dylan, any final thoughts on either from you? Yeah, not really, but yeah, New Jersey, I'm just excited to see them bring Frank back

and see if any sparks fly between him and Paul and for like Joe and Teresa, that conflict that you're talking about. a minute ago. I'm interested to see where that goes because, you know, it's the family connection is such an important thing in these, in these episodes that adds a lot of depth to it. So, yeah, we'll see where it goes. And of course, for Miami, just can't wait to see what Marisol does. And it just shows, like, how much, even though she's not, like, an official housewife for some reason on that show, like how much they're relying on her to be the

ignition that they needed to toss her in there and to presumably make something explored. Yeah, she's the ballbearing in the spray paint. Yeah, there you go. So yeah, let's see what lewd drawings she sprays on the wall next episode. So before we wrap, I wanted to get everyone's pick for their All-Star of the Week, all-star housewife or friend of or background character. Chad, who was your favorite? My favorite was, oh, probably Julia.

Just because the going in to the Botanica and not really knowing what she's doing but still doing it and then like pissing people off with it. And then just the screaming, what is DP? I just think, yeah, she was just the most entertaining in terms of like, just someone, you're like, how do you, how are you so clueless on so many things in a short amount of time? Yeah. Yeah, it was an excellent showing for Julia this week. Dillon out with you. Yeah, yeah, good work for Julia for sure.

And she also got a little bit of our sympathies, too, because she's still, working on adoption and she had a little bit of a heart to heart there with Gertie talking about her adoption. So she came through in a lot of levels. So I would yeah, I would maybe have to have to give it to Julia as well either her or the lady running

the botanic who started the whole thing. He was really behind, the mastermind behind all this witchcraft. The real witch. Yeah, the real witch. Real witch of Miami. No, I was going to say if we were going to do New Jersey, too, I would, like you mentioned, it was a strong showing for Jennifer with her back against the wall in a lot of respects,

still showing some skill and shying through and winning some sympathies. Despite being under attack throughout baseball. be the whole episode and um either her or or daniel for doing the whole muserell thing which is just an amazing idea yeah i uh i ended up going with jen as well i think that she's doing so much right now uh i thought that uh picking a fight with dolores or being like really gung-ho to fight with dolores is maybe a strategic misstep for her um i think that Dolores could have easily been a number for her side, but the fight is proving to be really engaging, and I'm loving seeing her navigate it, and I thought this was just an excellent episode.

Also, just because we haven't mentioned her, shout out to other Jen, too, Jen Fester. Oh, yes. Who dispensed the whole party just talking about her. She's Jewish, and then like nervously, angrily eating. Yeah, aggressively eating while everybody's fighting. just with a like terror in her eyes, shoving food in her face. It is very squirrel-like at times and really excellent to watch. I would say if you're looking for an Instagram account to follow,

there's an Instagram account called Drunkdrawn, which he does excellent illustrations of all sorts of hostwives. And she was featured on his post just today. it's very excellent so I would say check that out I'll look it up what is it it's called drunk drawn drunk drawn yeah definitely worth worth checking out

so that wraps up the Bravo Outsider for today thank you very much Chad for joining us where can people find you oh yeah thank you for having me first of all you can find me at chatanderson dot net actually wow I almost forgot that I have a website now.

And I have an album out on Spotify, iTunes, Apple Music, called Chad Anderson Live at Wejonies. And follow me on Instagram at Chad Illmatic. And I think that's about it.

I should have some, depending on when you're listening to this episode, I might have a clip out on CBC Jim from the Olympic Comedy Festival. So yeah, watch out for that. It should be coming out soon as well. awesome and dylan how about you where can people find you uh you can find me talking about horror movies

with special guests on my podcast mind over splatter uh you can find me on substack look for dylan ferguson i just put a new piece up there uh which is why infinity pool uh gets right what the menu glass onion and triangle of sadness get wrong so i talk about movies on there or you can me at the Botanica La Luce del Dia at Pico Union. I will be fixing my future and hexing

everybody who crosses me. Well, we are also visiting the online botanica to exercise some of the geocities out of our website, but you can check it out at bravoo-outider.com. We've got links to subscribe on all the major podcast platforms.

And we're on Instagram at Bravo Outsider. Thanks for listening and we'll see you all next week. See you, brujose.