Oscars Outsider - Pilot (RHOM S5 E12, RHOP S7 E17, RHONJ S13 E1)

Episode Date: February 11, 2023

This week Craig and Dylan are joined by comedian Tim Gray to discuss Real Housewives of Miami S5 E12, Real Housewives of Potomac S7 E17 and Real Housewives of New Jersey S13 E1 Find Dylan on substack at https://dylanferguson.substack.com/ [https://dylanferguson.substack.com/] Find Tim on twitter at @timgrayrulez [https://twitter.com/timgrayrulez] Music by FASSounds [https://pixabay.com/users/fassounds-3433550/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=music&utm_content=112194] from Pixabay [https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=music&utm_content=112194]

And welcome to the inaugural episode of the Bravo Outsider podcast. I'm your host, Craig Midwinter, and with me coming in live on location in Los Angeles is my co-host, Dylan Ferguson. Dylan, how's it going? Yeah, yeah, hi there. Sorry if the quality is not great. I'm doing some reporting from the field right now. So, yeah, I'm doing great. I'm happy to be here on Bravo Outsider.

I like the name because it sounds like a Western. I think that's pretty cool. Here on the Bravo Outsider podcast, each week we bring on someone who doesn't follow the housewives and make them watch the episode and then get their takes. And joining us today, you may know him from the Hunks podcast. It's stand-up comedian Tim Gray. How are you doing today, Tim. Hello, bye, bitches. Classic Tim Gray catchphrase.

I'm doing good. I don't know if you can tell. I did a little bit of research for this podcast. I got some filler in, so I got my lips puffed up. Yeah. I had a bunch of fat sucked out of my ass and put on my cheekbones. So now my cheekbones are the same size as my ass. Looking nice and well-to-five.

Thank you. And this is obviously a wig. You got all the extra buckle fat that other people are having removed and you had to all put in. Yeah. Like a chipmunk. Yeah. Looks great. Everyone keeps asking if I got stung by a bee. So you don't follow Bravo.

What was your previous exposure to the Real Housewives? And, you know, what sort of preexisting ideas did you have before? Honestly, I didn't really have any preexisting ideas. My only reference point for even this style of a show was going back to Jersey Shore. I did watch that show to completion. and I you know I kind of loved the drama and the big characters and the ridiculousness of it and the way it's all just so insane so were any of your like ideas of like I guess reality TV or the housewives kind of like reinforced or challenged while you were you were watching these oh I would say for sure challenge or for sure reinforced

because what I assumed it was was what I assumed the show would be is wealthy people arguing, just rich people with a lot of free time and either bad communication skills or, and I assume there would be alcohol fueling the events that they would be attending together, which then would bring about fights. And I really, you know what, I love. That was totally disproven. I really saw any of that. I love it. I love it when someone throws a drink on someone.

I think it's such a... It's always hilarious. It's always hilarious. I personally, I'm looking for that moment in my life. I'm hoping to get there. Have you guys ever thrown a drink on someone? I don't think so. Now I do.

Now that I'm like, yeah, that is an option. That is the thing I could leave my life down that road. That sounds really tempting. The best thing about throwing a drink is somebody is that like, no matter how, like, staged it might be or whatever the situation is. If you get a drink throwing on you, you're going to be fucking furious, right? Yeah.

Like, no matter what. Yeah. Like, you could, you can be told for days in advance it's going to happen. Once it happens, you're going to blow your fucking tough because that's just such like an insulting thing to have happened. That's why it's great. There was an excellent moment this season on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City where Jen Shaw dumps a drink on one of the friends of.

and she just like plays it so perfectly. Like she pretends that it was like this joky thing that they were having fun with, which just makes this friend of even like warm. Oh my God. It's pretty beautiful. That's hilarious. I was joking. Why are you overreacting?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just like the total slip immediately into a gaslight. Yeah. Yeah. Expert level gaslighting. Yeah. Yeah.

We will definitely be missing Jen Shaw. on her trip to to prison this year. It's a huge loss for reality TV. Let's help they get some cameras in there. Even if they just have to stitch together a show for like the CCTV footage. No, but I am actually like a bit choked about this.

Obviously my heart goes out to the victims, but she was made for reality TV. So it's like a huge loss, especially for that franchise. I think like Bravo in general, like really, she was the person on Salt Lake City that was like always driving things and bringing it to the next level. And we'll see what happens in that franchise. What is she going to jail for? Oh, okay. So do you ever get those like phone calls where like it's obviously like a scam?

Like here in Canada, they do the like CRA thing. It's the CRA. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so she was running a big scheme where she would collect data. on people to feed those scams and ended up like defrauding a ton of old people out of

lots of money yeah so she's going away for seven years like it's like a serious like legit crime seven seasons in the cling wow yeah so I mean but like there's the title for the show right there yeah yeah obviously it's a really serious thing

but like separating the art from the artists it's going to be a real hard hold of fill. Speaking of hold of fill, I don't know what I'm going with that. Do you think they would do a spin-off where she, where they start like a reality show in a prison? Like so many prisons are privatized and they have like a income stream. Like if they told the prison, you know,

this, you'll, you'll benefit from us being able to do like a few seasons of real housewife in jail. I mean, obviously the ethics would be atrocious. But you're right that there are like private prison. So it's probably like theoretically possible in the United States to cut some kind of deal as. Bravo.

Ethically as it would be to have like a captive, a cast. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I would I would personally love to see it. If they all have like. I guess and coincide. Yeah. Go for it.

Yeah. I have my doubts about whether it would actually happen. Jenshaw isn't the first housewife to go to prison. So Teresa Judice, who is on Real House House of New Jersey that we're going to be covering later in this episode, both her and her husband went to jail. They were charged and convicted during the course of the show. They went to jail and they actually put production of the show on hiatus while she was in prison, doing a few update specials while she was in jail and then resumed once she was coming back. because she was like that important to the show. Wow.

And I feel like she would probably have been a better candidate for that sort of reality TV prison show, just because I think she's got more like public goodwill around her than Jen Shaw does because her crime was like tax evasion. And she definitely put it on her husband, Juicy Joe. And like, so I think like people are the guy named Juicy Joe isn't paying taxes. And he ended up getting deported. So he like is living in Italy or something like that now. Well, before we get into this week's episode, I just want to talk a little bit about the news within the bravo sphere this past week. First up, Vanderpump Rules, season 10 premiered.

The past few seasons, I've been like cautiously optimistic leading into Vanderpump Rules leading into this one. My optimism is like mostly eroded, I would say. for a series that is given some of the most iconic moments in Bravo history, that's pretty sad that it's had this huge fall from grace in my eyes. But I don't know, did either of you guys happen to catch it? I haven't. I kind of clocked out during last season and after like the first few episodes, I haven't really circled back yet.

I obviously understand why there's cast churn and they're trying to, you know, graduate new members to the cast. there are good reasons both on camera and off camera to do that. And, you know, they also just, like, reached the point where it was like, you know, the K-Fabe is not really sustainable anymore once you've been like a reality TV star for, like, 10 years and you're pretending you're still working. So, you know, off-camera issues aside, there's, like, good reason to introduce new cast members. They just haven't hooked me with the new cast members.

So I've just been a little disappointed with the newcomers. And, but, you know, I'll try now there's a new season. and I'll try to start from the top and give it a go, maybe. Yeah, I would say they have ditched pretty much everyone from the new cast members from the past season, and it's all like Vanderpump Rules OG so far. I think they have struggled in, like, casting the sort of next generation of Vanderpump Rules. Like, nothing has really clicked,

but a lot of that, I think, has been the result of the original cast members, like, being really... really effective at holding their ground within the show. Yeah. I don't know where they go from here, to be honest. I think, like, it's kind of reached a level of stability that is not great for a reality TV show. But there's things that we can look forward to in this season. So Tom and Katie have, they've got a divorce.

So this first episode, we get to see them post-breakup. there's not really any sparks. That sounds really interesting to be. Now I want to see that. I want to see Tom and Katie post breakup. Yeah. He just became so comfortable as a couple for so long. It just drained the interest out of the character.

So they just became boring. Then we also get to see James and Raquel post breakup. So last season we saw them get engaged. They never get married. James has a new girlfriend. And Raquel is dating Peter, who is a character from the early seasons of Vanderbump Rules. and he is legit the only person that is still like actively like actually grinding it out at cert.

Peter has like a pretty unremarkable history about like drama and just like overall has like a really awkward on screen presence. So like it makes sense that he was dropped. But like just seeing him like come back in in this like his sort of like awkward delivery of every like line that he has. it drudged up memories of the golden era of Vanderpump Rules. So that was pretty exciting. So James Kennedy is DJing this pool party at a hotel. And everyone is coming. And they give like Peter and Raquel,

two of the most like awkward characters in Vanderpump Rules history. When they enter the pool party, the edit gives them this like bad bitch, WWE entrance music. And it's just like such a contrast that I actually. like was laughing out loud. But yeah, other than that, like, I don't know, I'm going to keep watching because that's what I do. But we'll see.

I'm still like not super stoked on what's to come this season. The other big news story in the Browosphere that is worth mentioning is Brandy Glanville and Carolyn Manzo, leaving the filming of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip Season 4 after Brandy allegedly locked Caroline in a bathroom and groped her. Whoa. Yeah, so this is obviously like a very serious incident and Bravo seems to be like taking it very seriously. They don't typically, they don't typically issue like statements to the press about things

that happen during the course of filming, but they release one to people. But yeah, so they're treating it very seriously and I feel like this definitely means the end of Brandy Glanville on Bravo probably. I don't think we'll be seeing her again. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like probably not. Yeah. Yeah, I think Bravo is going to have to start doing one of those in-memorium montages at the end of the year for like people that have gotten themselves canceled.

Yeah. The bodies are piling up. You should. Okay. Don't lock someone in a bathroom style. Okay, so the first episode that we're going to get into in a deep dive is Real Housewives of Miami, season five, episode 12. It opens with a flash ahead to what will be referred to as the Gringo dinner.

Everyone is like Everyone is fighting in the restaurant Over like a smorgas board of pork dishes I personally Dripping greasy pork At the old ball and chain Yeah Right that's the name of the restaurant

Yeah So the proper body of the episode opens. Alexia and Marisol are, they're in a weight loss clinic. The fat doctor. Yeah. She loves just shouting the fat doctor. Yeah. She enters

screaming like fat doctor, fat doctor. Yeah. But then she's like way more friendly with the guy who isn't the fat doctor or at least the guy that doesn't get the fat doctor name. Yeah, no white coat for that guy. He was wearing like a graphic t-shirt, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was wearing a graphic t-shirt. And then the actual, like, fat doctor that came in, he had, like, a stethoscope around his neck for some reason. Like, he's going to be, like, checking someone's, like, breathing our heart rate at this, like, his loss clinic. Yeah, his white lab cloak is probably from, like, a Halloween store or something, too. I'm not sure about those guys. Heavy on the Bronx. Heavy on the props. Yeah, yeah, they've got the injection.

And she's like, what is that? And he's like, don't worry. You got to take it twice. Yeah. He literally just avoids the question. Yeah. They were, like, very reluctant to say what was in this, like, injection. Absolute sketch.

Absolute sketch bullshit, yeah. And they let Marisol, like, inject this into Alexia's ass, like, completely, like, untrained. Yeah. Which all doctors do. Who wants to do it? Yeah. Who wants to be the injection? Here comes the airplane.

And. Marisol is the other one, right? Is Alexia and Marisol? Yeah, Alexia and Marisol. Didn't Marisol have a part in that sequence where she said in the confessional or whatever that she never gets it herself? She just brings people there to get it. Yeah. Yeah, she said on multiple occasions during that, like, oh yeah, the fat doctor doesn't help me, but like, I'm just going to hang out.

Yeah. Marisol's great. I love Barrisole. She's hilarious. Yeah. Just always just always shouting, obviously, false. things. Yeah. With like a delighted total voice. Yeah. She's

the best. She's my favorite in the show. Yeah, she's fantastic. Both this season and last season. So she is actually technically a friend of. So she's not a full blown housewife. And I don't actually understand why because she gets like as. She gets so much screen time now. Yeah. She gets as much screen time as

like anyone else. And like she has as many confessionals. Actually, was she the one that had like the two things on her fingers like her I'm trying to remember like all the different outfits were so wild for the confessional. Yeah, there's some crazy ones in this. It's like a fashion show right and it's so many of them had like weird

weird dressings on their hands you know like right where it's like the body suit thing where the dress body suit thing or yeah Larsa's got the most insane ones in this episode. She's like there's one um where she's wearing like basically a magic eye but then for a lot of the confessionals, it's like that black and white, like, like Frank Stella madness. It looks like it was designed to like confuse, uh, like body recognition technology and like camera or something. It's just like a line's going in every direction.

It completed sanity. Yeah. Wild. Wild. Wild stuff. One of the things that we, uh, we see when they, uh, when they enter this weight loss clinic, the guy, um, that isn't the fat doctor, the non fat doctor, the non fat Dr. Marisol and Alexia, they agree that he has good manners and they use it as a very awkward

segue to talk about Nicole's bad manners at Alexia's party last week. And what they're referring to here is Nicole tossing her black Amex card at a family attorney that Alexia had brought to this party under some like some sort of context that is still unclear to me. to sort of sort out some issues within the group. After the weight loss clinic, we get a bit of a face time between Nicole and Julia. Nicole says that she's planning a cast trip

because the last one didn't go well. Julia raises her eyes and we get like a goofy cartoon boing sound. Great. Yeah. Still a clip for boing. Yes. I wrote that down. Boing?

sound effects was very fun. Those little moments. Those are beautiful things. Yeah, yeah. Artifacts. Yeah. Julia and Adriana, they go to lunch. Julia is greeted with champagne at the restaurant.

She's like wearing like a nice long dress. And Adriana arrives wearing like what looks like a NASCAR hat. I don't know if either of you guys saw this. But it was like it seemed like a huge contrast to me between like the restaurant and like what Julia was wearing and like to come in. Julia always has a huge contrast with others and that's what's great about here. You know,

you have like a group of these women who have, you know, a lot of them have faces that are approaching like Polynesian idol looks and like just like shouting at each other flinging their hands around. And Julia will just kind of be like taller than everybody. It's kind of a theoretically floating behind them with a vague smile wearing like a fucking moo-moo just like somebody's stone French arms. who just kind of stumbled in.

She's great. I love the energy she brings or the lack of energy she brings. Just kind of floating about. She's the Russian lady? Yeah. Dark care? Okay, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got to go. Yeah, who's married to Martina Navratilovo. Then we see what Lisa and Larsa are up to. Actual villain, Lenny is trying to get Lisa removed from the home. Yeah. Yeah. Lenny is Scott Pippet or? Am I confusing?

Yeah, so Larsa is, was married to Scotty Pippen. Lisa is the other girl in this scene who, like, she's also getting divorced? This season or? Yeah, so Larson and Scottie Pippen's divorce was finalized like a long time ago. Oh, but Lisa this season, it started out with them like hosting parties together and stuff like that. And then there was like a hot mic moment they, they call it. So Lenny had his like Mike pack on and was talking to one of his buddies at at a party and was like, between you and me, I might be single in a couple weeks.

And I don't want to have sex with Lisa because then I'd be cheating on the girl that I actually care about. And so, yeah. So they're, this season's like, I guess the big storyline for it is Lisa and Lenny's divorce. And Lenny kicking Lisa out of the house. house. Yeah, so that's what he wants to do. That's wild. Yeah.

That's wild. Yeah, it's sad with that Lisa one or whatever where they just have like a cameraman hiding in a bedroom getting audio of this divorce happening in the other room. Yes. They put like gray scale on the shot. It was like, whoa. Oh, yeah. That's a idea.

That's a great reason. It's grim. Yeah. I love that they see. swing for the fences on the outfits. Next up, we had the Gringo dinner. Yes, Gringo dinner. Yes.

The set piece, let's go. They, uh, they start off with discussing which husband is most gringo. Yeah. And we also get like a false etymology for the word gringo from Marisol. Right. I love a little etymological sidebar. They should always do an ideological sidebars. Just have people to say what they think the origin of a word or.

Yeah. Big. And, yeah, you're written. Marisol. It's absolutely merited having the bigger red word fall slapped on the screen. The definition is it comes from the Korean War, I think. What the fuck are you talking about the Korean War? Come on, Marisol.

Think. What was in that objection? Jesus Christ. Though also, I kind of wish that I was in, like, the editing room when they decided to give Alexia's definition the green word, true er. Yeah. They hedge it a little bit, and they're more genera. than I would have been because that's actually a folk etymology.

It does not come from the, from like words. Do you know the actual etymology? The best theory is that it comes from Drigo, which is the word for Greek. You can actually find a Spanish dictionary, like from Spain going back to, I think, like the 1780s or late 1700s, where they use the word, where they have a definition for the word gringo as a derivative of Drigo, meaning a foreigner or an outsider. So it's kind of like how in English you say it's all Greek to me for like it's all foreign. It's all strange.

Apparently Spain had that same thing where you would refer to something strange or foreign as Greek, which is Grigo. And that, you know, going further back, that probably comes from like the Middle Ages when monks would be like transcribing Latin. Right. If they would come across a Greek quotation in the Latin often they didn't know how to speak Greek. So it would be like mysterious to them. which is why we have it's all Greek to be and why they said Grigo. So that's believed to be the origin.

And there's like, yeah, because old dictionaries that predate the Mexican-American War. Though we don't actually have like Mexicans called Americans gringo until like after the Mexican-American War. So, but you know, if you go back to Europe, you have a,

you can see why I love the etymological side of it. But, you know, truer was a little generous there. When you're comparing it to the Korean War, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Alexia is still piss off about the credit card move that Nicole told, really giving life to this moment. They must have had a few mojitos at this sware.

I would have been better. So Nicole's husband is, is. there and he says so he's an attorney and he says that he's going to send this other attorney like flowers and godiva chocolates i know so funny not godiva chocolates not godiva chocolates oh it's not godiva chocolate as i remember it um uh what's todd alex's husband says like what you're going to send him godiva and he's like i wouldn't say godiva and he's like oh of course you win it and he's like no i'd send him something better and then I like, oh, fuck you. Yeah. I like that moment.

They got into it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're both just insulting each other and then being upset that they're insulting each other, you know? Just, yeah, just finding anything to cling on.

Yeah. Like, yo, you're too good for Godiva? No, I better than get to Emma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just finding the slightest handle. You're being so insulting. You're a sin of flowers. You work at a place with four lawyers.

I don't work you're so rude. Wait, who works with four lawyers? Who works with four lawyers? I have 128 employees. Six lawyers. And how many of them are lawyers? Yeah, so funny. It's good.

Yeah, it's good. I mean, Nicole and her husband come off better just because they come off as calmer. Whereas, and Todd are just fucking blowing their top. Yeah. What they're there to do. Yeah. So next up, Julia Skypes with another. adoption agency.

So she comes in, she puts her laptop on this beat up old cardboard box in like a dining room. Not much happens in this scene. There's like, yeah, it's just kind of a sweet moment. You know, she gets her,

she gets to find an adoption agency that will actually work with her. Yeah. You know, no drama going on there. It's just kind of a nice moment for her. It's nice. It's sweet, yeah. Then we see Kiki, Larsa, and Lisa

going to the club. Yeah. They order some margaritas and Lisa orders chicken tenders. That's so funny. The dirty birds. Yeah. Yeah. Like super empty clubs.

So empty. Lisa orders her. Were they there at like 6 p.m. or something like that? Yeah. It's got the like the full like light show going on. But clearly there's like no music playing because yeah. Well, they're shooting a TV show. So they have to be rolling like that in your audio.

Of course. Kiki seems hilarious. Kiki steals a scene. Kiki lets him rip in this one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She diagnoses Lisa with needing more dick. Yeah. Yeah. And you need more dick than me. And I need dick. I say it a lot. intercut of Lisa receiving chicken tenders. Yes. With her confessional about her and Lenny not being swingers. Just a really like interesting juxtaposition. I love the like spotlight that they put on these chicken tenders in this scene.

Yeah. And then they give like the editors continue to shade Lisa by cutting together a montage with timestamps about her talking about Lenny for 31 minutes. I know. But when the cross fades to emphasize the duration of it. That was so overly shady, I thought, because, like, you go through a divorce with someone, you know, with your friends, you get some drinks. 31 minutes is a very reasonable amount of time to spend talking about that situation. Yeah.

Yeah. I think they cut from a monologue to a line where somebody says, you guys want some sliders. Like there's always just, oh, yeah. Somebody like food references. Yeah, there's one point where, who is it? Lisa, somebody says, like, I want to eat something that's easy to eat. I want to order something that's easy to eat, which is a weird thing to say to a waiter.

Yeah. And they have a shot of the waiter, like, looking at her judgmentally. Like, yeah. Like, oh, right, I'll get you something easy to eat, bitch. Like, what the fuck do you know about? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. You mean small?

Do you mean easy to hold? What are you talking about? Baby food. Yeah. I'll put the spoon in your mouth if you want. And the scene ends with Kiki, just being over Lisa talking about Lenny. Yes.

And decided to go and like dance on the pole. Yeah. And then she's like, oh, they're coming to talk to us. We're getting kicked out of here. Like, you're the only ones there. There's no music playing this. So finally we've got Nicole going for a one-on-one lunch with Alexia. Yeah.

Yeah. Great walk-ups leading up for the confrontation. Yeah. You know, good shots of the, you know, purses and heels clicking and grabbing the doors with like, you know, I love when they, they frame the walk-ups. Like, it's like Godzilla versus Kong. Yeah. Here we go. Whoever wins, we lose.

Oh, yeah. I was thinking, like, the classic, like, um, standoff shootout at like at 5 o'clock yeah yeah tumbleweed comes rolling by that wasn't the club actually when the tumbleweed rolled up

geeky stands to go on the pole and there's just newspapers blowing the breeze untouched chicken tenders Fulchers are eating the chicken judges We get a sort of apology from Nicole Eventually she comes around to saying sorry Alexia's not really having the like I'm sorry

But she's mostly pissed off She calls Nicole a narcissist And eventually she gets that like heartfelt apology. Nicole gets a little philosophical and I like that she seems to actually be like digging somewhat deep and she says at one point do you think there's a world where we have like legitimate fun yes that's like that's a great line yeah and then you know she talks about like heart break and how your heart actually hurts and she seems very earnest yeah like there's a bit of like actual earnestness coming through that that was kind of sweet I also appreciated the fact

that in this like episode ending moment where they're going to you know confront each other squash the beef that they fit at least two scenes of them ordering food

and the great waiter yeah waiter love it when a waiter shows up and he's just fucking or he or she is just like you know ready for their moment yes to like do a performance of like the you know super polite attentive, casual, like friendly waiter vibes.

And this guy comes in like, yeah, I'm ready to go. Yeah. So, yeah, I always love seeing the waiters. And this guy was, yeah, this guy was seizing his moment in the spotlight. Yeah. Probably an actor. I mean, I don't know. I'm an aspiring actor, obviously. Oh, yeah. Every waiter is, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's about it for Real Housewives of Miami. Any final thoughts on Miami before we move on to Potomac? It really did make me want to visit Miami. That's for sure. It looks like a cool city. I can't remember if it was in this one or a different episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was in this one. It made me want to visit Miami. It was when I think it was Lisa having that sad moment talking about the divorce. And it was like the footage of like inside of a bedroom where you just hear the audio of them, you know, getting divorced. And then it like smash cuts to like all this montage scenes of like visit Miami, you know. Yeah. The sad moment to like this upbeat music and beautiful shots of the city of Miami. The transition montage with Miami are really appealing.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So on to Real Housewives of Pilomic. It's the season finale. We start off with getting a recap of the season, including as Camas, cancer scare, Ashley's DeVorese, the Chris drama, Robin's wedding storyline, and Cherise

just kind of being there and calling Karen a prostitute. Yes. Then we open on Ashley going to the restaurant with her toddler son, Dean, who is refusing to put on a t-shirt, looking especially like John C. Riley today. I'm a kid? Yeah. And Ashley tells Dean about buying the house with Michael. He's like two and a half or three or something.

Yes. He does not register this at all. And Ashley then orders a tea, doesn't let it steep and just drinks the hot water. Yeah. She says how much she needs this tea. She needs this tea. Yeah. And then yeah, yeah, just like immediately pours it out and drinks like a clear glass with.

nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick. Can I get a table for two? No, you want a table for one plus a baby. It's not a table for two. Yeah. Touching all the life.

Another good waiter too. The waiter here is good. Very, very good. Yeah, of course, for sure. Yeah. Great, great, like, reaffirming every choice. They make a really good waiter performance. Careful.

It's hot. Classic. Yeah. Classic. Yeah. Delivery on point. Oh, yeah. Well, then.

So Ashley, FaceTime's her mom, lets her know that she is actually buying this house with Michael, who they're in the process of getting a divorce. It's going to be her house, though. It's going to be her house. Well. Oh, yeah. She insists it will be.

But they'll both. What could go wrong? What could go wrong? Yeah. Nice, easy $13,000 a month mortgage? What's wrong with that? that. They have a sort of not even verbal understanding that her things are going to be

left on her based on general vibes that she's picked up. Going a gas. So of course everything's going to work out perfectly. There's no way he's going to fuck her over. They're going to prove that divorce lawyer wrong. You can prove her wrong. What did? Yeah.

We get a, an intro continuing with Giselle. cleaning some twigs off of her roof. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little shot of that and that's it. Just throwing some ranches into the driveway. There you know. Bye, branches.

I'll go there. Yeah. We see Juan and Robin and family playing basketball and Candice is hanging out with her sister paying bills and chatting about the release party. Can I just point out that her sister says that when she's paying bills, that's so ghetto. Maybe the word ghetto has evolved recently, but that's not one of the first thing that springs to mind when I think of ghettoness is paying your bills. So yeah. Yeah, so Mia tells Karen, she had a gluten reaction to a chicken wing at Robin's Bachelorette and then downloads her on Cherise saying that,

Karen had sex with a bartender. And Karen is more pissed about Mia not defending her than she is about Shridy's running her mouth. Robin is at home. She is apparently working on her hats. Her hat business is still a thing, I guess. Her parents arrive and she awkwardly shows them around the house. Yeah. And lets them know that her and Juan are planning to get married during Juan's brother's wedding trip to

Jamaica with no one else around. Is she not close to her parents or is there like Yeah, I don't know. Like it's They seem to be on pretty good terms. Yeah. Based on that scene.

It popped in. But yeah, obviously there's some tension which she does a pretty skillful job of diffusing and deflecting. Yeah. Yeah. One thing that like I think kind of taints

this season Real Housewives for me is like Robin has obscured a infidelity storyline about Juan that apparently happened like right before this season so it came out I think last week or the week before that

Juan had cheated on Robin and Robin had covered it up over the course of the season and then it came out at the end of the season and like after things had wrapped and she was like well I'll talk

about it on my Patreon so you can go there I was trying to profit about it, which is like a big kind of no-no for me. That's a big no-no. That's a big no-no. That's got to be a segment on the podcast. That's a certified big no-no from Craig. You put on the graphic on the story. The big no-no.

of the week goes to Robin. But I totally agree with it. You shouldn't be smuggling away important information in the expanded universe, especially when it's behind a pipe pay well. Yeah. Not cool. Next up we had Mia and G. Go to the Doctor.

This is a follow-up on Mia's cancer scare from earlier this season. Yeah. Yeah. She was vague booking about cancer. and everyone was like, oh, what's going on? The doctor says it... Would use her finger quotes when she said disease. Right.

It's a vaguely disease. And I've got to make sure the disease is in the lungs. Yeah. And I think she throws out lymphoma somewhere, but then kind of walks it back right away after. Yeah. Yeah. Very vague.

So we hear from the doctor that it's not cancer. It's a rash. Right. And that, as I suspected all along, she might have sarcoidosis. Oh, wow. Yeah, you got the diagnosis right, did you? Yeah. Dr. Craig.

Yeah. You can review our previous episode. Right. Yeah. Just scroll down. You've always said that. Yeah. Then we get what is, like, maybe my favorite scene of.

I just want to say that I really love how, like, before I move on, how relieved Mia acts that she's going to live through this thing that literally nobody ever told her she was not going to live through. Yes, yes. Also the shade on the edit of her getting the news that it's a rash and then sitting there and they play little clips of her telling everyone what the diseases. Oh, they drag her for that. Yeah, they drag her for that.

That was very funny. Very funny. Yeah. So next up, we've got what is, I think, my favorite scene of all the episodes this week. Jiselle and her girls go to the ice cream parlor. Yeah, so good. Giselle starts it off by telling them that she's dating Steve, who is a guy that I don't remember, but they have all these flashbacks. The most, like, not a reaction possible.

Yeah, they could not care less. Yeah. What did she say? She asked them if they had any comments or Yeah Yeah Just try to get them to do some reaction Yeah

I don't know mom I don't fuck Yeah I think I think at one point she even like Confirms that they know who Steve is Like like oh you know Steve And then the edit cuts of like being like We've known each other for 30 years We kissed 30 years ago

And they're like yeah we know who Steve is Like still don't care We're aware of him thanks Yeah And then Chiselle moves on to her other big news that she has some sort of like mass in her uterus, which is scary. But it's interrupted by her daughter, Angel, who asks her, well, how do you pee? And then the rest of the scene is like just devolves into basically her daughter's not having any idea about like the female anatomy. They're so confused that I got confused watching this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, well, pretending they know what they're talking about as well, also realizing they don't know what they're talking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Giselle says, I'm going to need like a hysterectomy. And then her and then like grace says like kind of authoritatively, no menopause. And then, and then Angel's like, uh, no, Grace, I think you're thinking of the other thing. And yeah, it just like devolves into a debate about what's going to happen to Jel's ovaries. Yeah. Yeah. And then they said, uh, they said something sweet to her at the end where they're like, no matter what they take out of your body, you're still you or something like that or Oh yeah. Yeah. It's something like they could take away every piece of your body. Yeah. And you're still

you. Yeah. Yeah. That's a nice, uh, inspirational. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They also tried to like, like, cheer her up by saying that like, if she got a hysterectomy, she would skip menopause. And they're like, oh, well, that's, that's less fans for you at church. You don't need to like, ban yourself at church. Yeah. It's a like positive note in this. That's funny. Yeah.

Yeah. So I actually Googled it. So I wonder what you guys think. Do you think that Giselle is going to go through menopause or not? Huh. Now I feel like one of those girls. You're putting me into stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think if you get a hysterectomy and you're a woman, you don't go through metapause and now you pee at your tits. that's what I think I also say no metapause yeah I also say no menopause but you pee it on the corner of your eyes like a crap

so the answer is it depends on whether or not they remove the ovaries so if they remove the ovaries you'll actually immediately go into something called surgical menopause. But if they don't, then you will go through menopause normally later, I guess, or perhaps a little earlier. Wow.

So there you go. To know. That's a medical corner. I can have an entomological corner. Craig, it's a medical corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five six segments. Yeah.

What everybody wants to hear about. Sponsored by Masterclass. Wendy then, FaceTime. Karen as they're getting ready for Candace's event. Karen is still mad about Mia not defending her. And that's when Dr. Wendy drops the Martin Luther King quote, Yes. What is it?

We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. I was meaning to look up in what context he said that. Did you do that, Craig? No, I didn't. But yeah, that was a sweet little moment between the two of them. Sort of. Just a lot of those episodes are like setting up arguments that are either going to be rehashed or a new argument or, you know, so much of that.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. But you're right. A lot of this episode is like laying the groundwork for this video release of Candace's. Yeah. We finally get there and we see like Wendy's husband Eddie not really knowing what's going to. on and asking if it's an album release.

Yeah. And Candice is there and she wants to make sure that someone announces her present. That was so funny. So funny. Yeah. She's talking to her manager. Like, don't you think that there should be an announcement that I'm already here? Karen is avoiding Cherise and Ashley is chatting with Mia and, um,

Wendy about our Ashley's chatting and she brings up like Mia wanting Wendy's box and you know right just a moment to get messy which I really appreciate from Ashley she's like never one to shy away from the opportunity to like really like bring up some shit yeah yeah yeah yeah um and I think Wendy refers to her her box as the Godiva oh yeah yeah which Nicole's husband would probably say not much but Yeah. Yeah, it's the second Godiva reference on Housewives this week. And also the cookie.

Cookies too. Yeah, Bob's Cookie Godiva. Those are those three terms I think we get. Yep. I did really enjoy when they were asking this new music video that Candice had done with the one that we saw her do in the last season. and they're both in parking lots. It's like has higher production value, but they are both clearly in parking lots.

Yeah. Yeah. Somebody says like, it's not in the parking lot this time. And then yeah, there's a seat in the parking lot. They just like have a car this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They just set up some lights instead of just using the sunlight like they did in the other. Yeah. There was a confrontation between Giselle, or Giselle had informed Karen that Mia not only didn't stand up for her, but also said that she was a prostitute. Yes. And we get the confessional from Giselle where she admits that she's like just doing it to be messy. And that's that sort of like self-awareness from a housewife that I like really appreciate.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And another thing that kind of like stirs everyone up is that like Karen doesn't like outright deny. that she's a prostitute. The girls all make a big deal that she's like not saying that she's she's not. Yeah. With Ray like just hovering around most of the time.

And they just think like, that's none of my business. Just going to hit over here. Yeah. At one point, Karen like tries the rope Ray in and he wants like nothing to do with him. He's like, stands in the corner,

like holding her purse. Yeah. Just doing everything to not hear her failing to deny being a prostitute. within a couple of meters of them. Yeah. Eventually, Karen takes Mia aside. They have a little bit of a one-on-one on the alleged, like, on Karen's alleged boyfriend who is supposed to be friends with a restaurant owner that Mia knows.

Yeah. And Karen has a confessional. She says that her people, whoever that is, reach out to the restaurant owner and they have no idea who Mia is. So. Which is the opposite. not the opposite, but that's not disproving what the allegations are. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Still like dancing, dancing around it. Yeah. She eventually, she leaves before Candice is able to give her thank you speech. And so Candice addresses a like one of those velvet rope posts with like a flower in it.

Put a flower on it. As Karen. Say this is Karen now. That's great. And I love how they give like in the final montage, maybe get a guy out of ourselves. So they use the pole with a flower to stand it for care. Aaron. Yeah.

Like finale. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was great. Candice says that she doesn't want Ashley to talk to Chris about the Chris drama. Ashley does anyways. Candice calls Ashley's friend Deborah a Sesame Street character again, which, like, is just, like, so funny. If you see a picture of this girl, like, that's.

that's the vibe that she's like definitely putting out there. That's so funny. Yeah. I will say I feel like they're like they're pretty harsh with Ashley and pretty sympathetic to Chris over that confrontation

where you know, Chris is escalates it with very little provocation I think. Yeah. And then they deal like in didn't they include like a little flashback of Chris with the Sesame Street girl and they show like three seconds

of him looking in another direction and put a caption on it like Chris not even looking at her like okay thanks for the hard evidence that you've just shown me that in these three seconds his eyes were in another direction yeah case dismissed yeah they just seem to be going really hard in on taking Chris aside and and and try to make Ashley look ridiculous there yeah he he's definitely like benefiting from the edit here but also this storyline about the the Chris drama is like a Now in light of the Robin stuff, it feels like a big deflection from whatever was going on with Juan and this girl from Canada, as she's being referred to. Oh, exotic. Yeah.

Yeah, so Ashley goes to talk to Chris. He's still mad and storms off. And then Wendy's like, did you think that was going to go well? And we get our finale slides. Yeah. And Ashley's finale notes a short-lived. relationship with Luke from Summerhouse. Karen's finale slide.

Yeah, like you said, they've got the velvet rope posts in her still. And Wendy is apparently now drinking a gallon of water a day. And I'm not sure what this is in reference. Yeah, I'm not sure what I was wondering. Is that referring to like something from a previous episode that I missed? Like, I don't know what that's about. Yeah, I, that didn't like. Maybe they asked her for, for like, well, what would like just to include?

and she included that and they're like, okay, that's so stupid, we're going to put it in. Yeah, that sounds like a decent guess. All you're up to, huh? Okay, fine. I mean, it could be worse. You could be Mia, who they just fucking roast.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So this line goes into the details on her financial trouble. Jesus. They put unlike in capital letters. Like, unlike her finances, She's broke, fuck you.

How do you lose control of your franchise? Like, what the hell does that mean? Yeah, that's so sad. I mean, it could happen. It's pretty brutal the way they... Absolutely. They treat it as a punchline. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then a nice little Shakespearean ending there with a wedding. Yeah, we're. We get like a cute little gag where they pretend that it's like... Wait, why is it Shakespearean? Well, the Shakespeare plays always ended in everyone dying or everyone getting married, isn't they? Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We got the better option. That's true. Yeah, they do this like little gag with like pretending it's Jamaica and that... Oh, yeah. They're actually still on Maryland. Maryland. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I like the ending, too. It's kind of sweet. I really like, I find remarriages to be like kind of heartwarming, just in general. Yeah. It's nice when people make the choice to like, you know, stitch it back up later on, like being a little bit more mature. So I think it's kind of ending with a marriage, which a lot of reality shows will end

a season with a marriage. It's often like bittersweet because you're like, you know, these people shouldn't fucking be together in the first place in many cases. Yeah. But having a remarriage feels a little bit more like nice and heartwarming, even though there might be like Craig implied like off-camera reasons to suspect it. Right. But just in general, I like a remarriage.

Yeah. I find that cool. And the gang about thinking in Maryland is good too. All right. On to the season premiere of season 13 of Real Housewives of New Jersey. So new season, new housewives, and new taglines and New Jersey. So we've got fresh taglines for all the girls. So Melissa's is you'll never see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.

Whoa. Which. That's a C for me. Okay. C for you? Yeah. Tim? Yeah, I think I'll give it a, you know what?

I'll give it a C plus because a little bit of creativity makes us some stupidity there. Yeah, I think a C is about right for me. Dolores is, this Jersey girl has the luck of the Irish, and no one's screwing with my pot of gold. Pot of gold pushes it into B territory. Yeah, I like... Talk about pots of gold. It's just funny.

I'm buying a little fucking leprechaun guarding your treasure at the end of the rainbow. Yeah. I just trying to hear it in like a New Jersey, maybe predominantly Italian accent, you know? Yeah. For Danielle, new housewife, we've got, I may be over the top, but I'd rather be bougie than basic. Yeah, that's, that's D level for me.

It's not good. Yeah, this is like, where's the metaphor? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is table stakes for me. Yeah. I would give this one a failing grave. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd send it to regrets. Margaret also has a pretty crappy tagline this season, I think. I'm a loyal friend and a lethal enemy. Yeah, also, also basic. No color, no images. Yeah. Sorry.

Pass. We've got Rachel, who's another new housewife. I'm too busy running a business to care about yours. That's not bad. I'd give that a B just because of the business is, used two ways. Yeah. So,

you know, at least you have that, like, poetic device. It's a, yeah, it's a flex as well,

you know. It's, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd give this a D. I think it's passing just barely for me,

but yeah. And then next we've got Jennifer, payback's a bitch, so start barking. Great. It's great. Yeah, this is like A plus for me. Perfect.

It's definitely a level. Yeah. Yeah. The way that it kind of mixes the metaphor, like, like payback. The concept of payback is the thing that's a bitch, but now the listener is being invited to bark like a bitch.

Sometimes a mixed metaphor just has that much more power. It's great. Yeah, it's perfect. It's perfect. Teresa's is blood may be thicker than water, but it's harder to clean when it spills. Absolutely mysterious, impenetrable. What the fuck is she talking about? Scary.

Scary, scary and baffling. Is it a threat? This would be like the tagline on like a horror. movie. I mean, I guess, but also like, why we're,

what's the water that's being spilled? I don't get it. I don't understand. Yeah. So I feel like we're going to get a like, some sort of like glass toss or something like that where she pours water on someone or it could be in reference to her famous like table toss. I don't know.

I'm hoping that it's like foreshadowing water or blood being spilled. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get the idea that, like, you know, the blood ties are more strong, but they cause bigger problems when something goes wrong. Yeah. I just think that when you're, when you're comparing it to water, you have, water has to mean something else. You know, the metaphor has to match both terms, not just one of them. So I'm just b, but I give it a, I give it a B minus because it's still B plus actually, because it's still badass.

Yeah. Yeah. But, but I would like, I would like some more clarity. I think it could go to rewrites. Yeah. On the season intro, we've got clips of Teresa's Marge Simpson hair for her very tacky-looking wedding. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Looks like a Pixar villain or something. Yeah. We see Frank Katania looking like an old-timey baseball player. Bill and Jen getting wasted again. One of the new girls, Rachel, I guess, being called like a Tim Burton character. Yeah, that's pretty good. really funny to me. And what do they say something like a prostitute and Tim Burton movie?

What was the term that used to carry? Yeah, something like that. Something really good like that. That's so funny. And then we get a bit of a like a rapid fire intro where we see Teresa and Louis cooking. Joe and Melissa moving a box, Marge trimming Joe's nose hair and Jennifer doing something with her feet. Yeah, and then next up was it, Dolores's home. We get a little bit of an intro to the guy she's dating.

They show like a bit of a montage of his like social media pictures. And in each one he looks like a second rate Seth McFarlane. He's really like trying to hone in on that aesthetic, I feel like. Yeah. Heavy on the filters. Like he's got one angle that he looks good at And everything is that like up into the left Tida Yeah this is definitely like a guy that's got his angle

Locked in his socials Get the car in the background We got Melissa and Joe at home They're teasing the upcoming roller skating party Frank is living with Dolores's X and this is because her current boyfriend doesn't like him. This is such a like a complicated relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I really love because I think they're both like very likable. Yes. Yeah. Frank's my man. I love Frank. I love Frank.

Dolores is good too. Yeah. They're both good. Yeah, Frank's every line delivery that Frank makes is hilarious. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's an inspiration for ex-boyfriends who just hang around everywhere. Yeah.

Wonderful dude. My favorite. I think he's also, it's funny because I think he's like, if you were to look at him, he like kind of projects the most like masculine image. He's the bevious guy. He's such a beefed up guy with his little angular beard. Yeah. Yeah.

He looks like a like a Jim Rad loser. But he opens his mouth and he's just like a charming dude. Yeah. He just like completely like rejects that, that image that he, he, he, projects outwardly. Yeah. And if he's vulnerable for a moment and feels uncomfortable, he's like, well, I can't joke around. That was a joke.

Then we get Melissa and Joe at home again. Joe is saying that he's pissed off that Melissa isn't going to be and Teresa's wedding party, but Louie's sister is. This is all just like groundwork for what's to come this season between Melissa and Joe and Teresa, I think. We've got a little bit of Teresa's birthday party. To me, I thought it was really funny that Teresa was very dressed up,

and Louis was there in like ath leisure with no sleeves on. Yes. The black tank top with the chain. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Stans out so hard. Louis is like, he is such a caricature to me.

Like, when I think of the idea of New Jersey, Louis is like what comes up. Yeah. And Joe Gorga is pissed that Teresa called him a bitch boy at the reunion last season. That's really like a jab that has stung him. Yeah. Because obviously he's a bitch boy. Right. So it cuts to the heart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know it's true. There's so many like, yeah, so this is the one that I like the most, I think, because because I had that soft spot in my heart for the New Jersey folk having watched Jersey Shore. Oh, yeah. I just, you know, I just feel like New Jersey, these people, they're meant for this type of thing. Like they're so big in their personalities. their hair, everything is so big and ridiculous.

But they also, it seems like most of them have a great sense of humor and they're decent at ball busting. I love the phrase that was tossed around a little later in the episode where somebody called somebody else a jerk off face. Yeah, that's good. That's so good. We move on to Melissa's 80s roller jam, and I'm pretty stoked that, like, episode one, we immediately get, like, fighting in costumes, which is one of my favorite things that Bravo does consistently on their shows. Get these guys, like, dressed up in costumes and make them fight.

It's a luchador inspiration. Yeah. The best. Yeah. Make them wear tight, colorful tights. And if somebody pulls some hair, perfect. Uh-huh. The roller arena that there is just looks like a fucking skeezy dive too, which is awesome.

Awesome. Yeah. I mean, this looks. The exception to the costume rule was Louis, who didn't dress up at all. Peace of shit. I hate that guy. Sleeveless and rock hard nips. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Teresa arrives with him and she looks like Mo Green from the Godfather. Yeah. Like classes. Classes. A terrific track suit. Oh my God. Yeah.

I was saying this show is a little bit like Sopranos if they didn't have any writers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love all the accents. I love the costumes. I love the accents. They just did that.

You know, that's like it's a fun thing to do, just dressed up. And they obviously got all but one. seem to have a great time putting their costumes together. Yeah. Yeah. You hit a good point, Tim,

that like the Jersey people, when they bring up the drama, it feels like so natural to them. And especially with the accent, the accent seems like, like made for like being an exaggerated character. Yeah. Like,

why do you think Margot Robbie always uses that jersey accent in every single movie she said? Yeah. Not because it's the only accent she can do, Shirley, probably because of... Probably, surely.

for being generous. But it pairs really well with the drama. And yeah, unlike Miami where there's like kind of a medley of accents that are all like a little different from each other. Yeah. And all like pretty like indistinguish or not it pretty impenetrable to me. Like I don't know where most of these people are from. I mean, I'm sure a lot of them are like, you know, Cuban and various like Latino versions. Yeah.

Yeah. There's like a variety here. Yeah. In Jersey, it's like you all got the same accent. They're all talking in that same way. Yeah. And it's a great one. It's beautiful.

It's a beautiful language. And then the thing you guys mentioned earlier about how this version of the show seems to have the husbands featured a lot more predominantly. That's something that I also enjoyed about this show was that like husbands and wives both get into the shit. Like both defending each other or like both get equally upset about some mis, some grievance or whatever. because they're all intertangled too like isn't there's like family relationships too and like the dudes are friends like with with each other independently like there's just such uh the the lines between characters are like crossed everywhere and it's all just like one muddled group which is which is what i like about this it's more like something you get in like vanderprom's rules where they're yeah you know they know

they know each other all uh with different relations it's not just like my husband's being brought into the group. Right. Okay. Yeah. And get angry the second, the second that somebody challenges him. Like, they're all, they all have relationships with each other. Part of the community.

Yeah. It definitely seems like the most natural when, uh, they get together and sparks fly. Because like, you know, in a lot of cases, they'll be like, um, in other franchises, they'll be constructing this like party that is like coming up that they're going to shoot out and you're thinking, well, why would you invite this person that you're always going to fight with but yeah like in jersey it's like you have to invite them because you've got like family obligations or like yeah they're just so love it so mesh that you can't like intertwine you can't freeze anyone out yeah yeah i there's another scene at the roller rink

where Melissa was wearing earrings that said Melissa and i being new to the show appreciated that And I think Yeah. For their own branding, like finding creative ways to have their names on display, you know? Yeah.

Often on the necklaces on New Jersey, they'll be wearing a necklace that has their own name on it. Hell yeah. Like, kind of like a dog collar. Yeah. In case they get lost.

Have their address on the back. So start barking. Yeah. Yeah. In case they die in battle. like soldiers dog tags. They'll take the Melissa earrings out of her ears and send it to, present it to her parents. It would hold a flag.

Right. It was Frank and Dolores or Dolores said to Frank, what are you talking about jerk off face? Yeah. Yeah, we like Danielle a lot. She's very funny. That's a note that I wrote. Yeah, this is where we get introduced to.

Danielle as Teresa's friend. Yeah, great addition. And then we also get introduced to Helen O'Bonham Carter, Melissa's friend, the Tim Burton girl. Then after we meet Danielle's family, we have an intercut between Marge and Joe and Teresa and Louis because during the 80s roller jam, Teresa invited Marge over to make amends based on over their fight from last season. It's revealed that Marge broke her wrist at the roller rank when she fell.

During that scene, we got like an immediate cut after the fall to assign that red skate at your own wrist. Yeah. Marge is perhaps at the insistence of the people riding the roller rink. You ain't going to do it dirty here. show we got a sign. We got a fucking sign. I know where your family sleeps. They're preparing to go to Teresa's for the dinner.

Teresa seems genuine when she's saying she wants to like sort things out. But during this, during this like dinner that they have, I thought Louis did a pretty good job of playing peacemaker. He comes off as surprisingly reasonable, I think. It's a good showing for him. He seems to be putting out a good face anyways. Meanwhile,

Teresa is being raw as a cucumber, which I'm not sure what that means. That is so funny. Yeah, I mean, she's obviously confusing it with cool as a cucumber, but I'm trying to think what, like, what's the other expression she's mixing it with? Like, what are you raw as?

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. We get the genuine apology out of her. And then the scene basically ends with Teresa saying that she doesn't want anyone to see Louis Peepee at the photo shoot. Yeah, yeah. No Pee. Okay, so this episode ends with the big calendar shoot scene for the Dolores' charity.

and Frank isn't there because he's in the hospital, but Marge's Joe is in a biker vest, and he still somehow manages to look like an undercover cop. Yes. Everyone is filing in. There's some costumes on display. Did any of these? Joe's loving it.

Joe was having such a great time. Joe Gorga or Marge's Joe? Joe Gorga. Was he in a great time? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So Joe Gorga was dressed up as shirtless Joe Gorga cooking hot dogs. Hot dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Presumably for the July month. Yeah, I would assume, right? Yeah. Yeah, he was having a blast. He loved that. Puffing his lips out. Oh, my God.

Maybe you're going to get to it, but that the shade on the part where they're like, yeah, he used to be a mob. model. And then they showed like his old modeling photos and they were just so awful. Oh, yeah. That's true. We've got Danielle's husband watering the plants. Evan is a pickup basketball player. And Louis is like a yogi, I guess. Right.

Yeah, Louis didn't seem very inspired. A couple of yoga poses. Again, I think no sleaze on this. outfit. Yeah, again, he's just not putting much effort into his participator. No. Yeah. We finally meet Paul, who doesn't actually look like Seth McFarland in real life. Right. Yeah. Definitely just his social media pose. I think, do you think that Paul gets his short sleeve shirt sleeves, sleeves shortened or tightened when it goes in? Like, he just looks like they're choking off his arm. Yeah, he's got like a, like a stance.

like a suffocated stance to him. Paul plays like a bartender, right? Is that what he knows? Yeah. Yeah. And don't they play like Irish music when he's like pretending to tend bar? Right. Yeah.

I guess he's Irish. I don't know. There was some Irish. It's felt kind of like a mocking. Garish thing or something. Yeah. So this is playing into Dolores's tagline about having a pot of gold, I think. Oh, right.

He's the pot of gold. Her leprechaun. That's so funny. Yeah, so all that happens here is the Jennifer and Dolores, like, Cold War kind of comes to a bit of a head. Dolores pulls Jennifer aside and they get into it. Yeah. Because Jennifer was having a bit of a moment, I guess you would say. She was crying about the drama and going around and telling people that Dolores has been a bad friend.

Right. Meanwhile, Dolores is in the case. kitchen and she can hear you. Is that right? Yeah, I think it was Rachel that went and spilled the beans to Dolores and Dolores got fired up and Rachel's like, oh, there's a lot of moving parts here. I'm picking up on that now. But yeah, the episode closes.

There's like a few good lines in this blow up. I clearly liked. Learn how to talk. Merriam Webb, sir. Yes. Yes. Yes. I run that down too. That was amazing. Jennifer says that, right?

Yeah. Learned to talk, Merriam Webster. Amazing. And then Jennifer also fires off that Dolores like an old handbag. She's killing it. She's absolutely on fire. Yeah. Learn how to talk, Miriam Webster. Yeah.

So that's the conclusion of Real Housewives of New Jersey season premiere. Any final thoughts on New Jersey? I'll just say that like in the montages between scenes, they're just like way less interesting in New Jersey than they are and like the other shows we've talked about because it's fine New Jersey. Like as we discussed, Miami has killer ones. You know, you might even catch a glimpse of a shark if you don't blink. Yeah.

And, you know, Potomac, they really milk those like cherry. blossoms and deer. Yeah. And a lot of like colors coming in and out, you know, which is which they have a lot of fun to that. But in the, the way they try to hype up New Jersey just doesn't fucking work. No. It just looks like shit.

No. They keep showing like, like, I was just like, did like a tour of several American cities recently. There's one thing that every lame American city has. It's like the clock on a brass pole in the middle of town. Yeah. Right. I got the clock cycle and like every lame town.

Like a historic downtown. core and they'll have like you know banners hung up yeah with like the image of the the the the the cloxicle and they keep showing the clock skull for new jersey which lets you know and they have like nothing to show you yes like we're out of ideas yeah what to show you about new jersey it's just like it's just fucking parking lots of brick buildings guys yeah nothing pretty nothing pretty exists in new jersey yeah yeah to get to the beach get a hot dog jim tan laundry that's all there is to do of the bad of being. I don't know.

One thing that I had written down to ask you, Tim, so we're in a fantasy hockey league together. So I wanted to ask, out of all of the housewives that you got introduced to this week, who would be your number one draft pick and who would you be most likely to drop? Wow, good question. Number one draft pick just because of maybe just because of the learning, how to talk Merriam Webster. What was her name again? Jennifer.

Jennifer. Yeah, it's between her. I also like the Frank character, to be honest with you, to be frank with you. Oh, yeah. But because we're sticking to housewise, I don't want to veer too far away. So maybe I'll take,

yeah, maybe I'll take Jennifer. Jennifer's a good pick. Tough one. Good, good showing to start the season from Jennifer. So we'll see, we'll see what she brings. And then Alexia I would stay away from. That would drop, I think. Oh, yeah.

Too scary. I think, like, Alexia is a, an all sorry. I think she, like, she brings it week after week. She's always in the next for drama. Yeah. For, like, I couldn't drop. Yeah. Power forward.

She is a very. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might be controversial from time to time. A bit of an old school enforcer, but sometimes you need that powerful on your top line. Like you hate her, but if she's on your team, you love her. Yeah. But you hate playing against her. Yeah.

All right, Dylan, any final thoughts? If we're playing with a salary cap, I would definitely add Danielle to my roster as a rookie. Yeah. Because I think she would be on an entry-level contract since she's just, entering the big league. I think there's amazing potential for her because she was a bit of a breakout star, I think in that first episode.

So I'm really excited to see to where she goes because I think she has potential to get messy too. And it's funny. Yeah. I think my pick, like, and it's not purely on this season's performance, but just her history would be Teresa. She has given the show a lot.

And even in a recent, it was a blog post or a podcast. She's got a good quote talking about her beef with Melissa this upcoming season. She says, I gave birth on the show. I went to prison on the show. I got divorced on the show. I got married on the show. I buried my parents on the show. And that is like, that is 100% true.

She is like. She's Truman. Yeah. Yeah. She is Truman. Yeah. That is like, yeah, that like speech. And Harris gives Trude about like why he belongs to the show.

It's like exactly that. Yeah. Except that includes you were born on the show, I think. But it's like, yeah, you have given your entire soul to the show at this point. But she's saying it herself. It's not the evil overlord who's dictating this to her. Yeah. That's wild.

That's great, though. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't really have anyone that I would say I would necessarily drop. It's too early to say what the new girls are going to be bringing to, New Jersey, I think. Sherees coming back to Potomac as a friend of is maybe my pick for dropping.

I don't think she, like, brought a ton to the table. Even the, like, tidbit about, like, calling Karen a prostitute was, didn't really, like, she wasn't able to take the ball and run with it. So she'd be my pick to drop, I think. Okay. Great. all right well thank you guys for doing this uh tim where where can people find you uh find me online play me online tim gray rules with a zed um check out the hunk's podcast if you like podcasts um that's about it i'm doing a bunch of shows around Toronto right now so if you're in Toronto do it just do it

we'll throw drinks on each other nice It's a Tim Gray promise. Go to one of the shows. You'll get wet. Yes. And Dylan, where can people find you? Anything you want to plug? If you want to hear about horror movies,

I have a horror movie podcast that just wrapped up, but we have a catalog of back episodes. If that interests you, it's called Mind Over Splatter. You can surely find it. Wherever you're listening to this show, if you want to hear me and some other guys chat about horror movies, I just launched a new stuff, substack to you, where I'm going to be depositing my thoughts on movies going forward.

So if you want to learn what I think about various movies, look up Dylan Ferguson on Substack. You should be able to find me there. I just ranked the 10 Best Picture-nominated Oscar movies as my inaugural posts. So feel free to check that out. Sweet. Awesome. Well, that has been the Bravo Outsider podcast for this week.

Follow us on Instagram at Bravo Outsider. to the podcast wherever our podcasts are found. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Thank you.