Oscars Outsider - RHONJ S14E03 & The Valley S01E09 Recap/Analysis | Bravo Outsider Podcast (feat. Jade)

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

This week hosts Craig Midwinter and Dylan Ferguson are joined by Jade to dig into S01E09 of Vanderpump Rules and S14E03 of Real Housewives of New Jersey! 🍸Featured Bravolebs: The Valley: Brittany Cartwright, Jax Taylor, Kristen Doute, Luke Broderick, Danny Booko, Nia Booko, Janet Caperna, Jason Caperna, Jesse Lally, Michelle Saniei Lally Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Giudice, Melissa Gorga, Dolores Catania, Margaret Josephs, Jennifer Aydin, Danielle Cabral, Rachel Fuda 📣 Stay Connected: Find Dylan Ferguson on Substack at https://dylanferguson.substack.com/ Find Bravo Outsider on Instagram at ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/bravooutsider Find Jade on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/jade.thegoddess/ https://www.bravooutsider.com 📖 Credits Music by FASSounds from Pixabay #vanderpumprules #bravo #realitytv #thevalley #RHONJ #RealHousewives

Hello and welcome to the Bravo Outsider podcast. I'm your host Craig Midwinter. Very excited once again to be talking Real Housewives of New Jersey and the Valley. As always by Dylan Ferguson. Dylan, how's it going? Pretty good. As Joe Judice would say, it's a sad day, but it's a good day as well. You know what I mean?

You can apply that to any day you want for any reason you want. What's made me? It's sad today. You know, yeah, the fact that we all live separate, but together on a planet that will eventually go extinct. Otherwise, I was gardening this morning and it was great, so that put me in good spirits. But as Joe, Edis would also say, is what it is? What are you going to do? What you're going to do?

Exactly. Well, that voice you're hearing is our guest, Jade. Eagles might not fly with pigeons, but watch this pigeon soar. that's really good I like that Is that a reference to something specific? Yeah, that's a quote from one of my favorite housewives

Well, it's derived from Durinda from New York And there's just this bit where she goes She's like Pigeons don't fly with eagles Count your breadcrumbs And come back to me tomorrow

And it's just one of my favorite lines That's so good It's one of my favorite lines ever. I love it because we went with one of my friends my really good friends we talk about housewives all the time and like you know Instagram and TikTok obviously read your messages to like push out videos that you're interested in so we were talking about New York like two weeks ago and now my whole FYP and all of my Instagram reels are just like bits from New York I'm getting I'm getting loads of Bethany.

I'm getting loads of Luann, who is just, oh, I love that woman. And then it's just been like compilations of Durinda's best moments from the Real Housewives of New York. Yeah, Durinda, one of the all-time, like, most quotable housewives. Like, she just has such a way with words. It's amazing. I love it, I love it.

There are worse things that you could have your, like, suggested video. to be even. Yeah. So that's actually, that's a pretty sweet. Yeah. Algorithm that you've got going on right now. Yeah.

It was a lot of Christian stuff for some reason for a while. Like no shade to any Christians, but it's been there, done that. It's not my bag. And I think it was because I was talking to my parents about how mental they find American megachurches. So I went on TikTok and like showed them a video of like an American megachurch.

And I think after that TikTok, was like, oh, she must love Jesus. Yeah, just poisoned your algorithm for a week after doing that. Couldn't be further from the truth. Now, Jade, you are not a stranger to the Bravo universe. You are familiar with these shows. Have you kept up with Real Housewives of New Jersey for a long time? So my first venture into the Housewives universe, the Bravo universe, was New York.

And then I went from New York to New Jersey, and then I stopped watching New Jersey for ages. And I've only come back to it recently. But because I've got the memory of a goldfish, I've just started from like the very, very first episode. And I'm now on, I'm now pretty far ahead. Like, I'm almost caught up. It doesn't take me long because when I'm working, I've got it on in the background. Oh, yeah. Yeah, since it was a seat.

a universe that was created for cable TV and not like, you know, in the pre-streaming days, we still have those artifacts of like always introduce the characters and the main plot points every episode, which makes it more accessible to a casual viewer. But with a show like New Jersey, which, as I'm sure we'll be discussed again any second now, it gets like so strategic after as all the years in storylines at Crete that it does start to become a point where like to really understand it, you need like maps. spin to the wall to like plot out like all this shit that's happened over the years. Yeah, there's a lot of lore in Jersey.

Yeah, yeah, deep lore. Okay, well, since we're talking about Jersey, let's get into it. Jada, no, you're not completely up to the most recent episode, but you can chime in here. Since that's the case, Dylan, I'll get you to be our outsider for this segment. I want you to give us a brief summary about what happened this episode as far as you understand it. Right. So I feel like three episodes into this season, we're still kind of just setting the table in terms of figuring out where people stand in relation to each other. A lot of this was built around party.

Wait, what were they celebrating at the party again? They were celebrating Joe's birthday, right? And yeah, so there were, you see, I'm pretty bad at these summaries, actually. That's why you usually don't put me in this position. That the, fuck you. No, I'm kidding.

So there's, they're celebrating Joe's birthday, I think. And that, you know, there's, debauchery ensues and Fessler kind of gets into it with Margaret.

Jen Fessler and Margaret kind of hash it out. Vodka is drank out of a blow-up dolls, orifice. ass, I guess, they call it an ass. I don't know. I guess it probably has multiple orifices, the blow up doll, I would assume. So imagine if I was writing like a summary that would appear in like a Netflix description or something. And he just transcribed what I'm saying.

It would, they should chime me to do that. But yeah, that's basically it. And then there's like, again, we're constantly going off on one of Teresa's kids going off to college. And I got a level with you guys. I cannot get Teresa's children straight. I cannot figure out how many children she has. It's something between like three and nine, I think. I've been showing that.

I've been seeing their names appear on the screen a bunch of times. I cannot. Not that I can't tell them apart, but I can't entirely differentiate them. They're all kind of sloth-faced doompa's. And they're all, they're pretty, like they're very pretty girls. I'm not trying to insult them. But they, I cannot, like, pin down their specific identities and how many of them there are. Well, Malia is like five children in one.

Like that, that goes. Jesus. God, whenever I'm like, oh, maybe I should have kids. Maybe I should have kids. I think of Melania Judice, and I'm like, no. No. can't risk that can't risk that

yeah that's a that's a pretty good summary how about kind of wrap like when we got the idea yeah how about for the presentation of this episode what's it out to you

um so Jersey doesn't have like the most fascinating aesthetics usually of the show unless you count the weird colors of people's skins and hair as interesting aesthetics which I do

Teresa's hairline scares me. It scares me. I did like a little brief moment of Jen Aiden playing whackamol with her daughter Olivia just throwing in there. It does feel like an intentional thing like this is them

trying to like squash beefs. It's just endless whackamol like just endlessly. You know when one thing comes up you hit it and other thing's going to come up endlessly. Like it's just it's such a cycle. that will never ever end until the show does. And the show will probably never end either. We'll still be watching the show with the same basic cast members in 20, 38.

And I look forward to it, honestly. So that was one little moment that felt like kind of metaphorical that I enjoyed. If we're just on the subject of visuals, too, I just want to say, love the spread at Joe's party with all the bread and words spelled out in bread. It's really cute. The Italian flags made out of bread, which kind of looked like the flag of Ghana because the white part would look more yellow. So I think shout out to Ghana.

No, sorry, not Ghana. Guinea. Guinea. I think a West African nation. Yeah. Yeah. I think Guinea, actually. But that was just like a tower of like, I don't know, prosciutto and more.

Orcadella or something going on there, which is just like amazing. I say this all the time. But like the parties on New Jersey seem really fun in a way that parties and other shows don't. They just, they seem like they're having a good time. They're silly. They're not afraid to be a little trashy. Like you like, yeah, like you said, J. That jersey is kind of in a bit of a trashier milieu.

I don't take that as like an entirely pejorative thing. Like that. No. A long about trash. Exactly. Exactly. They, they're willing to just. bread and suck vodka out of a rubber doll's ass like it's yeah who doesn't want to do that I

want to do that every day of my life always starts on vodka and I'm like why yeah always starts on vodka and I'm like me why I'm so curious as to that logic like why are you always starting on vodka I love the New Jersey parties because I feel like in a lot of other um in a lot of other additions they really they really hold back like they really hold back on because they're really concerned about the aesthetic about like the cultural presentation about signifying that you're at the right that you have the right kind of taste the right kind of wealth they're just they're really hung up I feel like on on the signifiers and not on just having fun yeah whereas the New Jersey girls just have fun yeah yeah totally um yeah I in terms of how this was

presented, I also picked up on the whack-a-mole, like, it seemed like it was a clear symbol. I really like that as well. In terms of like the men on this show, I find it, and I think we've discussed this before, but I find it so refreshing that they do not seem to carry themselves as though they look down on the form of the show that we're on. They're all like willing to get their hands dirty and that's such a contrast from what we see from you know almost every other every other version of this franchise where we see like on OC it comes to mind just like you know Shannon and Vicki's partners have always had this like they've always come across like they think they're better than the show they feel like they are above it they're almost embarrassed to be on the show

but also just like love the attention and want to like be on camera and just like they also love it but they feel like this shame and you know jersey is that's not the case you know these guys just are fully like in it so much so that it has created this like secondary playing field for them to like to play on it and that makes the uh the situation is so much more complex because you have this dynamic amongst the partners and we saw a little bit of that, this episode where we had, you know, Joe Gorga reaching out to Bill to invite him to the party and engaging with the Aden's in that way, which I, like, just one of the things that I think makes New Jersey a lot more textured than some of the other franchises.

Yeah, it's not always like the two members of a couple when they relate to another couple. it's not always one for one in terms of how the wives relate and how the husbands relate. And that was a great example of that of, you know, Joe and Bill calling each other brother. And then Jen Aiden being like, he's not your brother. And he's like, I'm just going to take this call upstairs because to me, he's my brother. That's so good. Yeah. And they can do that without it like necessarily being a problem in the relationship.

Like it's understood that you can have kind of those different relationships between, between the husbands and wives and it's not, you know, sometimes it's problematic but it's not necessarily, it doesn't have to be in the same plane. There's like kind of different intersecting planes of relationships. And, you know, you can have Frankie and Polly be good friends too.

Some of this stuff feels like pretty fun and relatively healthy. You know, yeah, it's nice. And it adds to the complexity as well. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Let's talk quote Dylan, do you have a quote that sit up to you?

You know, not necessarily hilarious, but just kind of a good summary of what I found most interesting of the episode was when Jen Fessler says to Margaret, I ain't your soldier. I ain't your soldier. It was just nice to see Jen Fessler show some backbone stand up for herself. Because when Margaret talks about Fessler talking to Teresa, she refers to. she refers to her as being like a spineless pushover. And in Margaret's eyes, that's why Fessler would have an amicable conversation with Teresa because she's such a smileless pushover.

And the thing is Fessler often can seem a little too spyless, but usually she's just, it's because she will not break stride with Margaret. Like that's what we saw last season anyways. Last season, Fessler was completely Margaret's deputy. So to see Fessler actually push back and not just apologize and be like, oh, I'm sorry, I did something that displeased you, but actually stand up for herself and actually say, like, you know, I could make my own relationships and don't have to just do everything you want me to do was kind of nice to see that from her. I felt like last season Fessler was kind of reduced to being a side character, just kind of making club comedy, one-liners from the periphery.

there's it's nice to see a hint that maybe she's going to be more of a real character this season because she's going to show a little bit more backbone. Yeah, what what I loved about that exchange was, you know, she had said to Margaret, you know, I'm not your your soldier. And she, um, her excuse for not like not going hard on Teresa was saying like, you know, if Teresa comes comes hard at me, I'm just, I'm not going to handle things well. I'm just not good at that.

But at the same time, she is handling both Margaret and Rachel coming at her pretty hard over just having a discussion with Teresa. So, yeah, I really like that element of this. And we're going to get into strategy here because I think that this conversation is one of the most important things strategically that happened on this episode. it seems like a huge misstep from Margaret to really, you know, draw a line in the sand and come this hard at Jen Fessler over something like so small and insignificant. Because, you know, they have been trying so hard to kind of rally the troops on that side of things and really isolate Teresa and Jen from, or Jen Aiden from, you know, everyone else. Yeah, Margaret needs allies. Totally. Yeah, they're trying to like pull a freeze out here.

And by taking such a hard line and isolating, you know, Jen Fasler this way and being like, you know, you can't be friends with Teresa and, you know, Jackie being there at the same time and having a, you know, a response to that like a negative response to that as well. I, it just feels like what, like Margaret is smarter than this. What is she doing? Yeah.

What does she? hoping to accomplish. Yeah, it's like if the only person who's really on your side is your emotional support, Rachel, you're not going to get very far with that. You're going to need some other allies than that. Yeah, totally. I mean, Teresa, Teresa and Jen Aden seem like a far more dangerous team than Margaret and Rachel. Or even Margaret and Melissa and Rachel.

It's just like, yeah, it seems like you would want to, it makes sense for them to want to like do. a freeze out here and try to like really isolate Teresa and not give her anything to work with but yeah the way that she's doing this it's just like she doesn't know how to do it it feels like

yeah yeah feels like she's met her match almost like she's kind of used all the weapons in our arsenal and now she has nothing left

sort of thing yeah if you're going to have arsenal you got to keep it stocked. Yeah. You can't let it run dry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I could have some addos in that quiver. Yeah. Let's talk a little bit about the strategic decision making. Everyone knows that reality TV is like there's a bit of a meta game to it. Maybe some people don't know that. But I like to think that there's a meta game, especially on shows like New Jersey. So I wanted to introduce a new segment on our show where we discussed the strategic decision making, you know, how people are using information, what sort of decisions they're making in

these situations. Dylan, what's stood out to you in terms of strategy here? That's like, that's kind of the big thing what we just talked about, really. Like, yeah, it does kind of feel like, like, yeah, we're getting ready for something and we'll find out what. And I just think it's complicated enough at this point in terms of the relationships between everybody that it's going to take a few episodes before. things are really ready to get going. And that felt kind of like an opening volley in terms of possible reorganization was just the confrontation between Jen Fessler and Margaret.

Other than that, I'm not too sure. I'm curious if we're ever going to see what was inside the Manila envelope that John Fuda waved around during the reunion at the end of last season because that's been mentioned a few times. They've been mentioning the fact that I think we all reworked out at the time, that the envelope was never actually opened. And now Fessler is referring to that as like, you know, a misplay and just a confusing lack of strategy during the reunion and people maybe not doing what they had discussed

beforehand. So I'm really curious to see if that Chekhov's gun ever goes off, if that's something that we're actually ever going to find out what that was. Or was it always just a prop all along? Was it always just full of jelly beans? I don't know. Let's get into our highlights here. Dylan, anything else stand out to you that we haven't talked about?

You know what? I think we've pretty much covered what was interesting to be. It's not like there hasn't been much drama yet. And maybe I'm kind of assuming that it's going to take off more because the previous season was gold. Like the previous season was so good. So maybe I'm just taking it for granted that it's going to get there. and we're just three episodes in. But, like, yeah, there wasn't a ton of scenes that, like, really wowed me here.

I don't know. Were there for you, Craig? There was definitely things that I liked. I mean, the conversation between Margaret, Rachel, and Jen Fessler is number one. I really liked that we got to see Frank again. Yeah, it's always great to see Frankie. Yeah, I thought him coming to talk to Deli. to talk to Dolores and Polly

and tell them that he wants to propose to Brittany. I really liked that a lot. I don't know. There's something about the way that Frank is whenever he's on screen. He comes across very genuine and likeable. So

I like that he did this and yeah and he like kind of busted Polly's balls about like getting engaged before them. Um, he also always just has like good comic timing. Like when he's like, if you go to eat ass, you got to do it right.

It like came off as really funny, even though it's not really a funny like phrase on its own, but he just like has good comic delivery. And I don't know why there was a microphone being pushed in his face when he said that either, but it felt right at the time. Yeah. He's a lovable rogue. He is. Yeah. He's a lovable rogue. Yeah.

Just the unhealthy looking meathead who is like unexpectedly charming. when he opens his mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You expect him to not be able to see as much as he does with the timing that he does as well. Because when I first saw him on screen, I was like, you're not going to be up to much.

But actually, I really like him. I really like him. He's like one of my favorite of like, well, not like obviously like partners, but like, do you know what I mean? he kind of is like he kind of has been for the past however many seasons like yeah but yeah i'm pretty sure in like the intro is correct me if i'm wrong on this craig but i think when like they have the uh you know the intro screens of every character when they show delores i

i think it's frankie in the background like it's i think yeah they used they used to at least have them i thought they did i saw that this season i'm not sure if paulie was there too maybe but i'm pretty sure frankie was still in dolores's background even though you know they haven't been together for years now or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was. I think it was. Yeah.

Yeah, I also think that the dinner scene that we got, all the scenes that we got with Teresa and with the Gabriella moving out, I thought that those were all very, like, genuine in the montage that they did

of, you know, the kids kind of growing up was an emotional one. I think that this is where a lot of the, um, what Teresa has done over her like decade plus on the show. Um, it has really given the show a lot in order to give her favorable edits. They have like so much family history that is like so tightly connected to this show is, um, you know, you can really construct moments like these where you just like flash through this montage of the kids growing up. up where we're seeing like a bow tied on this decades long storyline of their lives.

I just appreciated that we got that moment treated with the kind of respect that it deserved and it felt like in place. I like that a lot. But yeah, aside from that, we're still, you know, doing a lot of table setting. And we've said before that it's something that we're going to be a little, be on the lookout for this being the tone of the season. Just a lot of small little moves and everything feeling like it's setting up for this confrontation that might not end up happening at the end of the season between, you know,

Trisa and Melissa or Trisa and Marge. Yeah, I don't know what to make of it. Oh, one thing that I didn't talk about during the strategy is, is I do think that Rachel, I've been wanting to give her some props. I do think that she is deserving of some props for how she handled herself in this situation. I think it's smart to latch on to this little nugget that Teresa kind of lobbed her way and make something more of it. The whole, like, John Fuda is the biggest drug dealer thing. And for her to, like, grasp onto that and, like, well up and what seemed like a genuine emotion.

emotional response to it. I think that this is showing her, like, playing the game. She's got a piece of information, like a point of conflict with Teresa that she's able to use to move some pieces around a little bit better. So, yeah, I want to give Rachel some props there. Also, not stupid when Danielle comes over to instead of, like, pushing Danielle out, kind of offering an olive branch and being like, oh, we don't get along, but at least you're more understanding than Fessler is like to

to allow her room to kind of be more on her side. That was that was kind of smart on Rachel's part. Yeah, totally. Okay, let's talk about our stars then. Dylan? Let's give first start to the Messler. You know, that's, that was a good showing from her.

Let's see some more of that. Let's see Jenner standing up for herself more. So it's good stuff there. Hmm. Let's give a second star to all of Teresa's children collectively. They can share it. Melania, Melania will not take that. Melania will not take that line down. And third star, you know what? Why not to Frank? Because we don't see him much until this episode. So happy to have him around. And yeah, it'll stick tap to you, buddy. Let's get some more. Let's get some more of your. your comic timing in the episodes ahead.

Yeah. Well, I say that I see it's, we're talking of people not being in the show very often. I see that Joe Judice made an appearance as well. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Where is it now?

The Bahamas. The Bahamas, I think. He's exiled. Because it's the closest he can be to the US. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Joe. He's got in his best life.

Yeah, I think that is about similar stars to me. I will give a star to Rachel just, I am seeing the potential in Rachel this season. So I am, you know, I've got, I've got money on Rachel to make a big impact here. I think that she could really evolve to like fill the role that Jen Aiden does for Teresa, except, you know, for Margaret or Melissa. on that side. I think you know, you need someone that is able to like make their own battles and you need someone that is able to like kind of do your dirty work

and get their hands dirty. So I need somebody who can stick their botched nose in other people's business. Yeah, exactly. And I want to give. give a start to Margaret. I think that she is not like, she's not playing

cleanly at all, but she's still playing the game. We got the most bizarre impression of Teresa that I have never seen from Margaret. It was so weird. Yeah, leave the impressions to Jen Aiden, I'd say. And we got her doing a callback to a really like 90,

joke where she was like Jackie, lawyer, so smart, not in her confessional, so really love bringing back not. Yeah, I love it when somebody ends the phrase with not. You're right, so 90s. That needs to come back into fashion. It does. We need to make not happen. And that and saying, duh, when something's obvious, we need to start doing that too. That's another 90s tick that we need more of.

Like later losers. The later losers, duh, not. You think? Yeah, I think that about covers it. Dylan, do you have anything else you wanted to bring up from this episode? No, I think that about covers it. Looking forward to seeing what happens in the future because, yeah, I haven't felt like there's been a ton to SIGBITS into,

but let's see what the future holds. Cool. Jade, any final thoughts on Real Housewives of New Jersey this season? Just looking forward to seeing what happens because there's only so much sitting around a table talking I can take. Totally. And yet you watch these shows. I mean, I watch them.

Reliciously. I don't care if they're boring. I will sit through it. And a part of me is like, should I just skip something? episodes and like get to the really like juicy stuff because I really hate it when they do that thing where they show you like the drama and then it's three months earlier and I'm like I don't give a shit just give me give me the juice give me meaty juicy drama but I never I never skip ahead I watch every episode in order like I just I have to I have to swap up every single last

morsel. But I hope shit hits the fan soon. Totally. Let's just cover then the Valley. Do you want to give us

a summary of what happened on the Valley? Oh my God. I am the Valley. The Valley, the Valley, the Valley. I'm finding it really difficult to like pay attention

to it because I really I really hate everyone. there's there's a lot of loathsome people in the valley absolutely like i'm just the men especially it's just like i can't find many redeeming qualities in anyone it i absolutely agree with you that i've been finding it like more and more interesting but uh there's there's such assholes in the show it's like it's it's fascinating and and i find it very sad too um just because there's like people trapped in very unfortunate relationships with very unfortunate relationships. Unfortunate people.

It's just mad. It's just mad. I don't understand why it's so difficult for people just to get on with each other and listen to each other. Like if your partner says you do something shitty, just shut the fuck up. Shut the up. Oh God. Right. Dylan, do you want to talk about the presentation of this episode? What's out to you? I just really like the setting, the Big Bear setting is really fun. And I love the callback to that time Jacks was at Big Bear and was, I think it was at Big Bear and he was like possibly drowning. And did they give him that shirt where it's like his face in the water saying, what did he say?

Like, you could help me now or something. Yeah. Really good. But I just like that world of, you know, being out on like the lakehouse or whatever. And just like people getting drunk as hell at 2 p.m. or whatever, the dudes getting increasingly boyish and just needing to wrestle constantly. And I really enjoyed, like, cutting between Jesse and Michelle play fighting, which you knew was not going to end well between those two. Well, Jacks and Brittany, like, confer. well, Jacks is preparing to give another TED talk that nobody asked him to do about Michelle's potential cheating.

It was just like really, it was just very dynamic for me to have like these, these guys scampering around the beach, ruining each other's lives and having a blast doing it. And also definitely about to leave very miserable. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I really enjoyed Jesse's arc this episode. I love how we got it like starting with him making this entrance. He's wearing this like this loose beanie and he's got this like chill vibe and they really lean into his like being a changed person.

Right. Because he took some plant-based medicine as he calls it. Yeah. I love calling psychedelics plant-based medicine. Yeah, plant-based medicine. It's what all wealthy, like, privileged men do to learn empathy. They have to go on a trip instead of just like learning to be a decent human being on their own. Yeah.

He thinks it's just a magic bullet. You just spend 24 hours tripping balls and then you come back and you're fixed. Now you know how to care about other people suddenly. Yeah. Now I'm not a piece of shit, I promise. Look at my BNA. Yeah. I really love how he was clearly still high, and they gave him that, like, that edit where they're, you know, deepening his voice for like, D-Run and pixelation.

When he said that, everything's fixed. I just, yeah, just really love the leading into the psychedelic edit on, on this. And then he's almost immediately back to just being a piece of shit and, you know, objectifying his wife. And he's, you know, just being a complete dick. So I really love that we got to see this journey for him. This like, you know, a quick fix only lasted for a very short amount of time. Yeah. Michelle had a pretty good line too.

And after he said that he experienced ego death, she's like, an ego that big is going to be pretty hard to kill. Healthy skepticism from her there. Oh, God. And it's just, yeah, like. oh, I'm a changed person. It's like, no, it's the come down.

Like, it's not that. It's not that deep. Like, you're still an absolute piece of shit. And you know he paid so much money for that too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Somebody's making a killing. Some fucking grifter is making a killing doing that shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like selling normal, like, magic mushrooms for five times the price because I can call it, what was it he called them again? Yeah.

plant-based medicine. Plant-based medicine. There's some plant-based medicine. Jesus. What quotes stood out to you from this episode? I did what I did like was when Jasmine is like refers to Jax's giving his like, you guys aren't invited speech. I was saying, why is Jacks giving us a TED talk about this? Because that was like what he was doing.

He was just like striding up on stage and being like, I have to announce that these are the reasons why some people have not invited other people. So that was a good line from Jasmine. Yeah. Dylan, did anything stand out to you in terms of this episode of the Valley and the social strategy? It's so cool that Janet just deploys like these like Valley gay guys wearing like, you know, bubblegum pink ass like crocs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like denim cutoffs.

the way like the Wicked Witch of the West deploys flying monkeys. Yeah. Like, just, just sending out the, sending out these minions to the parties to take notes for her and then cheer her on and do like, catch her signs at her while she does a phone call

after. Like, that's so cool. Yeah. So, so great work from Janet. We know that we know that Jason, her partner is like, not into the whole gossiping drama thing because he's, he's a little lame, I guess. He reiterates

set on the beach. He's like, why can't you just like get over it? And it's like, you don't get it, Jason. They're having fun. This is a way of them to have fun. Like, that's, and so, so she turns to her, her minions to go do her dirty work for her. And I just found that really funny. And it was a really great, it was a really great scene, which is what she's having

that phone call. And both of them are just like animatedly flashing signs at her. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So great strategy from her to like, deploy. the members of her team to parties to gather information for her when she wasn't invited. Really cool move.

Yeah, totally. Also, really love that Jasmine was able to pick up on the fact that this was happening. Yeah, she grabbed onto that right away. Yeah. Yeah, she sees that guy listening in and it's like, who's that? What are you doing? Yeah, like a bloodhoned just on it, on it, on it. Honestly, my kind of vapes, to be honest with.

you my kind of vibes because I'm so attuned to like when people are like messaging because I'm quite a quiet person so like if one person isn't saying anything or doing anything I'm like what you are up to what's going what's your deal what's your deal stop it or tell me yeah yeah yeah I really appreciate what Jackson trying to do here. You know, this, this information that he has about Michelle is, like, devaluing so quickly. He, um, he gave it to Jasmine to do something with and it didn't really work out. Um, you know, so he's in like a little bit of a race against the clock to use this.

And I think that him, you know, pulling Michelle aside to like, you know, do the bomb dropping was, um, a pretty smart play. They're in this situation where, you know, everyone is there. She knows that she is going to like be held accountable for this by the group as a whole. Not like she doesn't just have to deal with the fallout within an isolated, you know, setting with her husband, Jesse. So I think by him, you know, dropping this bomb while everyone's together makes a ton of sense. even if he pulls her off to the side and is like framing this as, you know, oh,

I want to let you get ahead of this. Um, he's still making the choice to, you know, drop this bomb at this party, but he's giving himself enough of a, um, you know,

uh, an exit to kind of wipe his hands clean of doing that because he's doing this under the pretense of it being, you know, I'm just looking out for you, even though he's been, you know, talking shit about this the,

the entire time and pretty much everyone knows that. But I think it was just, you know, a savvy way to deal with this. Yeah, you definitely see once again how Jacks is like so much more of a reality TV veteran than these other guys are that he's always thinking about the gameplay, even when they're not. Even when they're sitting in the sun and the middle of the afternoon chugging Titoes out of a gallon jug. You know, everybody else is just too drunk to think about anything but like wrestling each other or whatever. And he's even in that situation, drunk as still like taking Brittany aside being like, okay, how are we going to get this information out there? What's the play? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's always thinking strategy. He's got the technique down for sure. Let's get into our highlights. Jade, what were your highlights from this episode?

My highlights were just like him thinking that this big, that he had like just like this big revelation because he did drugs. And then being called out on it and being like, yeah, you said earlier about the ego death. And I can't remember the exact quote. I should have written it down where it was like, oh, maybe I did. Or said an ego, yeah, an eagle that bad is really hard to kill. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just like she wants that managed to be over.

Yeah. And everybody does, right? like watching the show. It's like, get divorced. Christ. Why is it taking so long? Yeah, it's painful. I'm like, what else has to happen? Genuinely, what else has to happen for this manage to just come to an end? It's getting excruciating. Yeah, I just, and I think because I just have such a complex with men, like privileged men doing drugs to become a good person, And that was the most, that was the thing that stood out to me the most where I was like, could you be any more of a cliche? Yeah.

Could you be any more of a cliche of a privileged man living in California being like, I did drugs and I feel so much better about myself? Yeah. Like, no, no. Thompson, like, sits on the swaying with cross legs and just completely different body language. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I've got my beanie and it's fine. Everything's fine. Dylan, what were your highlights here?

So in the couple therapy scene with Kristen and Luke, so just a couple things I want to point out, just little notes, but I do really like Kristen making her like, I'm being serious, I'm listening, I'm being adult right now face as he talks, and then like taking a big sip out of a ridiculous water bottle

that says something like, be careful, I might start talking about Chigel. was just really funny to me. And also, I just wanted to point of the couple therapists made a really bad metaphor where he's like, you guys have to be like a donut, like you're the center of the donut. And then like your other social circle is like the rest of the donut. Like I don't know why you would pick a donut for that metaphor.

The center of a donut is empty space. There's nothing in the center of the donut. That you're supposed to be addressing the relationship and he just compared it to an empty hole. I think he needs to think about what he's saying a little bit more. Probably the relationship as an empty hole. Maybe. Maybe he's just trying to, he's trying to signal that to love. But yeah, like mostly my favorite part was definitely Janet and her minions and just like,

Jesse being such a messy weirdo on the beach. So I'm a little curious about like the thing where he like, you know, touches her nose, maybe slightly slaps her nose and they're like, oh, she had a nose job a year ago, be careful. Like after a year, what's, is there really like, how delicate is a nose job? Is it going to like fall off if you hit it after a year? Like I just made me, as someone who's never had a nose job, it really made me curious, like, why you would have to be sensitive after after a year. It seems surprising. I think it's still very delicate. I saw someone like taping their nose. It was like OPOV. You've had a, you've had a nose job. So every time you go

a flight you have to do this and like tape it down and like apparently because the pressure change yeah something to do with pressure change and like your sinuses and stuff can make it like change I don't know all right all right we got to get a plastic surgeon on the show sometime and just I'll probably got so many questions from plastic episodes about plastic surgery I'll just like all right clear this up for me I don't understand yeah one of us can go under the knife for research Great idea. Amazing. I'll be able to see what happens.

In terms of highlights for me, we covered a lot of what I wanted to talk about, I think. Yeah, I also enjoyed this scene that we had with Kristen and Luke with the therapist or whatever. as much as their relationship seems like so fundamentally flawed, at least they're using an actual therapist. Or according to the little lower third name key that they gave. This guy's an actual therapist, not a life coach. Life coach, yeah. Hooks you up with mushrooms.

Yeah. Yeah, I really also enjoyed this, this scene that we got down at the beach where they were talking shit about, you know, everything. And we got to see, I think you mentioned Dylan, a little more insight into Jason's character, where Jesse's out floating on that little thingy. And Jacks brings up the, like, the rumor about Michelle. And Jason was like, oh, well, why don't we just tell him? I don't get why we're going around.

Yeah. And it's like, you wouldn't get it, Jason. Yeah. You don't get anything. You don't understand anything, Jason. But yeah, aside from that, I think we covered most of what I want to talk about. Oh, we haven't touched on Jackson and Britney's relationship, which I feel like we're starting to see that castle crumble a little bit as well. Again, hopefully, like same thing with Jesse and Michelle's relationship.

Like, end it. Get out of there. Like, Brittany, get out of there. Stop. You just torture yourself now. Yeah, the more evidence we see. like the more it's just becoming obvious, like how, how rough Jacks is with her actually.

Like he's, he's, he's pretty brutal. Like, he's just, he's just so quick to, to criticize her. And you see how she's, you know, so nervous about him going,

about how he's going to criticize her about everything. She doesn't want to tell him things. She doesn't want to tell her husband things because she knows that he's just going to be mean and critical about it. You know, Jasmine points that out, and she's absolutely right to point that out. Like,

this is, this is a bad relationship. the more we see from it, the more negative information we have. Yeah, and it's the fact that she can't even tell him that she was car sick. He was like, oh, he'll be a dick about it. Yeah. Like, at the video of, oh, is it, their kid, like, crying. Oh, yeah, Cruz, yeah.

Not bothered. Or he's too bothered. That's one thing that I wasn't sure about. Yeah. Yeah, like not bothered in the right way, though, like, in the way that he should be, I don't think. like yeah it was just I don't know I just

I just yeah it's another it's another one where I'm like why why why surely this can't be a situation where you where you're like oh but like you know who else like that's what I always think is it a reason of like you know I'm not I'm not going to get anyone better

I'm just like I fucking hope you do like this is an absolute dumpster fire of a relationship ship. If you loot in the matter, of course you're going to fight someone better. Yeah. And she's put up with so much from Jacks over the years, you know, going back through the Vanderpump Rules days. He's, yeah, she's just put up with tons and tons. And it's just like at a certain point, you hope that she just has the courage to. I understand that's easier said than done, right, when you've got a whole life with somebody and you've got a child with them and everything. But yeah, at a certain point, you'd hope that she finds the courage to make a break of it. Let's get into our stars.

Jade, we'll start with you. Who are you starts from this episode? Are my stars from this episode? Oh, right. I find it really, really difficult to watch the Valley, like, for sure. Just because I haven't quite warmed up to literally anyone yet, I think. I think it's perfectly valid if you don't like anyone. That was an acceptable response.

No, I know I keep bringing it up. But like Jesse, just for being just the absolute pinnacle of what it is to be a privileged white man living in California. Like, you get a gold star for being a stereotype. Congratulations. Absolutely. I've said it before. But I love Jesse on the show for that reason because he is such a perfect asshole. Like he is just such an unredeemable dick that it's.

great to have like one person on the show who's just like nothing positive is about is going on around them. It's just this complete negativity, complete assholeishness. It's great. It's fun to watch. Little to no redeeming features whatsoever. But hopefully, hopefully the shrooms or the plant-based medicine that he took will permanently rectify that. But don't it. Sure. I mean, two more ayahuasca treatments and he's going to be Gandhi basically. Yeah, that's on his right track. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he takes a trip to, like, I don't know, like a shaman in Peru or whatever that will change his life radically and he becomes like a whole different.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he's got like a couple of wellness retreats in the pipeline after his life-changing experience of hallucinating. Yeah, he'll look at a toad and grow a beard and then he'll become a life coach for other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably how this ends. Yeah. Yeah. That's his pipeline.

That's his plate. Perpetuating the life's life coach cycle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Someone's got to break that chain, I think. Dylan, any other stars from this episode? I'll give my first star to Janet, because she was really funny. And again, having minions is just really, really hilarious to be.

having your gay valley minions is just such a great move. So let's give her a first start. I'll give a second start of Jesse too also for being like just hilariously awful. And and then you know what? Let's give a third start of Jacks for the reasons we've already mentioned. But also we finally get like some more concrete information about like what the rumors are with Michelle that was before it sounded like she's just texting a guy. And it's like, oh, that's disappointing. All she was texting a guy.

Oh, now maybe she was sexting a guy. celebrity for a while, who may or may not be Quentin Tarantino. So I'm still holding out of that rumor. I want it to be true. Sending those feedbacks to Quinn. Exactly. That'll be the smoking gun that it's Tarantino. Yeah.

The sexy pics are feetpicks. Just feedbacks. We're here, Stas, Craig. Yeah, I think that I've got similar stories. you Janet definitely number one she's the the reason for this trip I also one thing that we didn't talk about was

before that before she introduced the like the jar that you have to put money in if you're talking shit she like got a quick dig in at Kristen so I I like that she you know set the tone there I think

the yeah the other picks I'm I'm in line with you. Although I would want to throw one to Jasmine, actually. I think that I liked her giving this, like getting this read. I feel like I'm starting to buy into this idea that maybe she's a lot more savvy about how to like navigate this situation than I thought initially. You know, we didn't really see her use the information about this potential affair or texting one. when she had it.

I thought that that was just she didn't know how to play the game, but maybe she is a lot better at this than we have reason to believe so far. Yeah, Jasmine's been getting more interesting for me too. Like you said, I kind of thought she kind of fumbled the ball in terms of strategy stuff before, but I think they're starting to use her more as kind of an audience insert character because she seems to be like pretty level-headed and like has like pretty like eyes open, aware of what's going on, like picking out Janet's minions from a crowd.

Like, she seems like to have like a good read and be very perceptive. So I think the show is kind of putting her in a position where she's neither aligned with anybody else, but it's just kind of somebody you can identify with as the audience as like a perceptive person who's in the middle of them and who's not afraid to call them out like in the confessional. She gets pretty direct with like saying that Jacks is being an asshole. And like she's the one person who's like that, who's just saying it like it is, directly that's like yeah that's not actually acceptable uh behavior that's not how you're

supposed to treat your partner yeah so good dick totally for that yeah the voice of reason but i also think that she like she knows like she picks like her timing was very very very good i've thought like yeah i'm willing to accept the jasmine is secretly strategic theory but i feel like any more evidence to back it up. No, I think she is. It's always the ones you least expect in every aspect of life. Except when it comes to Jacks, then it's the one you always expect. Yeah, yeah.

He's set the bar for himself and it's six feet under. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for doing this, Jade. Do you want to let everyone know where? people can find you. Yeah, just I am Jade the Goddess on Instagram and Twitter. Awesome. Dylan, how about yourself?

You can find me as Dylan Ferguson. That's D-Y-L-A-N. On Substack, I sometimes read about new movies. And I just want to say, Jade, I'm really glad that we got a different accent on the show for once. It's really great because people are like going to be so tired of listening to our Canadian accents all the time. And the only time there's been like a comment on one of the platforms that's actually irritated me,

we do get negative comments from time to time. Everybody does, right? I tell myself as I cry at night. But the only one we ever had that, like, bothered me was somebody wrote a comment on a YouTube video that was like, oh, you guys sound sweet. Are you Canadian? And I just hate being clocked as Canadian. I just don't like knowing that people can identify me.

And I feel like only Americans have that skill, too. That's the thing that bugs me. Like Europeans can identify Canadian accents. I don't think that's normal. Like, obviously, like, why would they? Who cares? But I feel like other Canadians also are not good at identifying Canadian accents, like, abroad. Like, I cannot identify a Canadian, I think, by their pronunciation in another country.

I will be able to identify another Canadian abroad by maybe certain terms of phrase or like certain cultural tics. Like, they'll be the ones. Or if they're an amongst a group of Americans. you'd probably be able to be. Yeah, yeah. You could sometimes pick up on a Canadian abroad because they're the ones that are like waiting at a pedestrian crossing for the light to change when there's no cars anywhere or like the ones that are the worst dressed in any situation they're in. But in terms of the accent, I feel like only Americans can be like, that's a Canadian and I hate it when that happens. I just cannot stand it. I don't know why. So it would be less offensive to you

if people assumed you were American. I guess I just want to be seen as generically North American or like, I feel like you've seen too much of my identity already. You shouldn't be able to see my secret shame that way. I feel way too soon right now. If you could not receive me anymore, that would be great. I would appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would, people think sometimes that I'm Irish.

and I don't mind that just as long as you don't call me English that is worse and so you can give a Scottish person is calling them English none of that here none of that here

awesome well that about does it for us this week I'm Craig Midwinter you can find me just on our socials at Bravo Outsider on TikTok and on Instagram

we have a website Bravo Outsider.com please subscribe to our YouTube and let your friends know about us if you are listening on Apple Music or Spotify give us a rating and a review that helps us out a ton

until next week. Keep on Wifeing.