Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: Bathroom Boy

Episode Date: May 30, 2018

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Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025.

I'll be joined by David Roth at Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from. Need LASIK? Trust the experienced team at the LASIK Center at Evergreen Eye Center. No glasses, no contacts, no limits. What will you do? LASIK at Evergreen.com. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubels, second date update.

You ever have one of those bad dates where just nothing seems to go right? Me neither. But Marshall, who's on the phone for a second date update, definitely has his date seem like just one really horrible thing spiraling out of control into a ton of horrible things. And now he needs to do a second date update. What's up, Marshall? How are you? Hey, guys.

How are you guys doing this morning? So, I mean, from Jubal's description, it sounds like you know exactly why she's not calling you back. I do. I do. It's kind of a laundry list of problems. Yeah. Okay.

It sounds like you don't really know exactly why, but you know there's a lot of options, at least. Yeah, I know that it could be one of several things, and I'm hoping you guys can help me along, and maybe we can go through them and get to it. I mean, that's why I emailed. All right. Before we go through your list of things that went wrong, why don't you tell us about the girl we're going to call today?

What's her name? Her name is Melissa. Melissa. All right. And where did you meet Melissa? Well, we met on a dating app, and she just stuck out literally like a firework. Beautiful red hair, these bubbly eyes that just link you in I mean you like kind of like a Zooey Deschanel like when you look at

her she just has this I don't know cuteness that just reels you in like a fishing lure okay so you were excited about this date then oh my over the moon just through the moon excited I mean I just I couldn't even believe one of those I thought I was gonna show up and it wasn't gonna be the picture I was looking at you know like it's too good to be true. And then you did show up and it was actually Zooey Deschanel. And you're like, you're just as wacky and lovable in real life. Oh my God, look at you.

So adorkable. Yeah. It was like I was on an episode of New Girl. But she honestly was just, I don't know if you've ever seen those girls with like just the red hair that's not too red. It's kind of got the, you know, the layers of like auburn flowing through yeah it's like nice red hair it's not like you might steal my soul red hair yes exactly oh my god you know exactly what i'm talking about were you nervous like was that part of your problem beyond nervous that's why like it was

one of those things i felt like i was a little out of my league so i was just nervous beyond belief okay so let's start with the list of things that went wrong. What's the first thing? So we sit down, everything starts, you know, just your typical back and forth chit chat. And I don't know how it came up, but I start talking about my ex. Oh my God. I know. And it's like, you can see the train wreck happening in front of you and you can't stop it. I'm talking about this vacation and how me and my ex got in this big fight and it's just going and going and then i finally do

stop long story short and thank god i didn't go into how we had makeup sex me and my ex that would have been really terrible i feel like that was even too much for our conversation right now i didn't go that far i didn't go that far i i went ahead and put the brakes on before i got that far and tried to get the date back on track. Okay. That's good. At least you realized something was happening. Well, it's good if that's, I mean, it would be good if that was the only thing you did, but it sounds like there was more.

There's definitely some more. So we get an appetizer that comes out, and all of a sudden, my stomach just starts gurgling, making, i mean it was over the top and i don't know if it was a mixture of the nerves and the food i also had a beer but my stomach is just in knots so right after the x story shortly after i have to excuse myself to use the restroom okay and it wasn't just like i'm gonna go pee real quick it was like i'll be back in like half an hour with a new set of clothes. It was not a quick break. I'm in there and it was one of, I don't want to get into details,

but I am feeling the minutes pass. If you know what I mean, I got to get back out there, but how do you get back out there when you're having these issues? I am gone for a substantial amount of time. Just text her from the toilet. And I imagine you like breaking out in sweats and turning pale on top of it all that that was happening all along and i feel like the sweats and the paleness were building as we went but i did get back out there um so i sit back down and

i might have been at the table for one or two minutes and i get hit with it again and i know so you know i'm so sorry. I have to step away for a minute. And this time, of course, I don't want to see him go to the bathroom again. So I, I, you know,

I made up a lie. I was like, Hey, you know, I'm so sorry. I got to step away. I forgot to have this work call. I've got to make.

That's probably even worse than going. I'm feeling sick and I should go to the bathroom again. Sketchy. So I'm gone for another substantial amount of time. I come back. I'm apologizing. I'm like, Oh, I'm so sorry about the phone call. And, and gone for another substantial amount of time. I come back. I'm apologizing. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry about the phone call. And yeah, it doesn't end there, unfortunately.

Oh, it doesn't. Okay. I sit down. I start feeling sick again. And at this point, it's getting, you know, it's one of those sicknesses that was just like creeping deeper and deeper. I just grab a wad of money. I throw it on the table. And I was like, I'm so sorry.

I'm not feeling well. I've got to get out of here. Almost like she's a stripper or something. I throw it on the table and just leave. There was no hug goodbye, obviously, because I'm poured in sweat. There was no anything. I just left. Kind of almost out of embarrassment slash I don't feel good.

I'm going to take a wild guess that she hasn't talked to you since then. We talked every night. No, she has not called me. And that sucks because like the X thing is your fault that you brought that up. But the rest of it is out of your control. But I think where he went wrong is lying or just at least not telling her what's really happening. It made you look even worse, I think.

Now I look at it. Yes, I did lie, but it was almost, you know, it was embarrassing to kind of meet the girl on the first date and say, hey, you know, I'm going to be on the can for 40 minutes. If you could just hang on, I'll wash my hands and be back. You know, I've texted her, you know, tried to kind of apologize and call, but I didn't want to be too much. But like I said, I mean, this girl was, you know, just one of a kind, if you will. And it's definitely my fault, but that's why I'm

here. Well, we'll see if maybe we can salvage this situation and get you a second date. We'll play a song and then come back and get your second date update. All right. Thank you so much, guys. Okay. Hang on. For today's second date update, I can't decide who suffered the most. Marshall, who's on the phone for a second date update today because he had a terrible first date with a girl named Melissa, or there's also that poor restaurant toilet. Oh, man. That thing suffered so much during Marshall's date.

If you missed the first part of today's second date update, Marshall's on the phone. He wants to call a girl named Melissa. They met online, went out for dinner, and he says the whole thing was pretty bad. He started off because he was nervous talking about his ex-girlfriend a lot, which we know is something that you shouldn't do. And then he started having stomach issues.

And he went to the bathroom once and was gone for a long time, then came back, said he was feeling sweaty and then had to go back again and then he said by the third time he came back he just threw a bunch of money on the table and said he had to go because he knew it was not going to get better from there.

So we already know why he's not getting a call back from Melissa. Now our job is to call her and see if we can get him a second date. Marshall, are you ready? I am ready, guys. I would say are you ready to go, But I know you've gone a lot. Probably not the correct word. Would you classify this as the worst date you've ever been on?

Easily the worst date I've ever been on. I really hope for a redo for you. I know, I know. I am too, because it being the worst. So sorry. You having problems again? We're good. We're about to call work, but I'd love to get that off my record, if you will.

Okay. You want it wiped clean. Oh, of course. Sorry. Oh, God. I didn't mean that. Here we go. I'm going to dial her phone number right now.

Hello? Hi, may I speak to Melissa, please? This is she. Hey, Melissa, how are you? This is Jubal from the radio show Brook and Jubal in the Morning. This is Melissa? Yes. Melissa from... What radio show are you from?

We're not... That's not what... No. What radio show? What are? That's not what, no. What radio show? What are you talking about? Well, my name is Jubal and I host the show Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show. Does that make a little bit of sense now?

Okay, I understand it's a radio show, but I'm not understanding why you're calling me. Okay, cool. I'll tell you. Well, we do a segment on our show called The Second Date Update. That's where if you go out on a date with somebody and then end up not calling them back after, they can email us to get you on the phone and find out what happened. And we

got an email the other day from a dude named Marshall. Oh my god. Okay. And okay. And Marshall told us all about your date. He also said a lot of very nice things about you. And he says he kind of knows why you wouldn't be calling him back because it was pretty awkward,

but he wanted us to see if we could figure it out more. Okay, so Marshall emailed you and wants to know about the date that we went on. He actually inquired to you about our date. Well, he just wanted, I mean, more than anything, I think he kind of wants a redo. He said it was awful. Well, that's interesting. There is definitely not going to be any redos with Marshall.

That's for sure. I mean, he talked to us. He told us about your date. He said how he was nervous and talked a bunch about his ex and then had some stomach issues. Can I explain to you, in my my side exactly what happened on this date? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. So I met Marshall on a dating app. Okay. And I'm very, very, very apprehensive about dating in general today, because as you know, when you're in the dating world right now, you meet a lot of weird, weird people and a lot of duds. Okay. More times than not.

Yeah. Yeah. So I go out with Marshall and he almost right away starts talking about his ex-girlfriend. Yeah. He told us that. I mean, he knows that he was so nervous. So because he said you were so pretty and you seem so lovely and it, you know, have you ever had one of those out of body experiences where you just keep talking and you know you should stop, but you just can't stop?

No. Okay. So you're not going to have a lot of sympathy there. No, you're not understanding. Okay. So he actually showed me a picture of his ex-girlfriend okay on our date and then marshall asked me if him and i could take a picture together so that he can post it online to make this ex-girlfriend jealous oh wow he didn't tell us that yeah it was literally the most awkward situation i've ever been in i mean what do

you say what did you say i just did you say? I just basically was like, we could take the picture after dinner. And that's when I took the situation into my own hands. Actually, you took it into your own hands. Yeah. How do you do? He said that he had stomach issues and then threw money on the table and left. I don't know Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I go on dates now, I bring laxatives. Oh, my God. It's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So... Wait, and you think this is cute? I mean, I've been on so many of these dates. I've been on so many of these dates. No, this is so good. So you slipped him some laxatives? So what happens is after Marshall talked about his girlfriend,

I just knew right there that I didn't want to do anything. So what I do is I carry chocolate laxatives in my purse when I go out on these dates. Really? Yes. So I offer Marshall a chocolate laxative and, of course, you know. I'm guessing you didn't tell him like that. You didn't say you want a chocolate laxative.

No. Basically what I did was I told Marshall that it was like a palate cleanser that he would eat before the meal. So when he got up to go to the bathroom and he was sweating profusely and you could see visibly that he was going to be sick, you knew exactly why? Oh, I knew exactly why. You are sick. I was just trying to get the date over with. That is sick. It worked. Why? Why wouldn't you just say this isn't working out? I've trying to get the date over with. That is sick. It worked. Why wouldn't you just say this isn't working out? I've got to go. This guy was so weird.

He wanted to take a picture with me. I knew that this was a really strange situation that I was in, and I needed to get out of it. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Well, we have the answer to what happened to Marshall because he wasn't even really sure. And you know what, Melissa? Marshall is actually on the other line and wants to talk to you. What?

Yeah. Melissa, what? You gave me laxatives? Are you mental? You don't go on dates with people and ask to take pictures with their ex. No, Melissa, you don't get to critique him anymore. You have no room to stand. I mean, I told you one story about my ex, and I asked for a quick selfie,

and you think that's enough to send me to the toilet for two hours? I mean, I bought new pants and a shirt. I ruined them both. Marshall, I didn't know what else to do at that point. Put yourself in my situation. What would have you done? I sure as hell haven't given somebody a chocolate laxative, I'll tell you that much. You can't give people pills without telling them that you're giving them pills. You just can't do that. Girl, I don't think

it's a big deal. Like, I needed to get out of the date. I've done this before many times. Many times. And I don't think it's a big deal. And how can you not think that's a big deal? You're asking him to put himself in your shoes. Like, switch the foot. Like, what if you're on a date with a dude and he gave you laxatives? A guy's not going to give me laxatives on a date guys don't get bored with me on dates it's not the same situation you are psycho i am a really good person like i'm not sure what the big deal about it's chocolate laxatives quit acting like i gave him cyanide or something so at least he's not dead i agree with, Melissa. At least you didn't kill the guy. Dude, I feel like you're one step away from that. Like, laxatives are your gateway drug to giving dates rat poison.

Not to mention, that was my favorite restaurant. I only gave him two-star review because of that. I'm gonna have to go in and change that. Marshall, if you wouldn't have had a radio station call me right now, you would have had no idea this even happened. She's right. If I wouldn't have called the radio station, I would still be calling you and texting you, trying to get you to respond to me if I didn't have a mediator.

So now we can just ask right now, Melissa, would you like to go out with Marshall again? We'll pay for it. Second date. Let me think about it. I'm gonna say no. No! No! You don't get to turn him down! You are crazy! Yeah, I say no. I think my bowels are okay on a second date for this one.

Are you sure? Yeah, no, I am not. No way. I mean, obviously this is new information. I don't even want the second date now. I mean, I do thank you guys. Hats off to the radio station for bringing this psycho to light. Aw, poor baby. He had to use the toilet.

Why are you even complaining? Because it was for nine straight hours. It's not just a little quick in and out there. Come on. Hey, Melissa. Melissa, somebody who has had a lot of digestive issues in their time, can I just get the name of the chocolate laxative, the brand? No problem.

I'll actually just send it to you. Oh, great. Perfect. Well, at least somebody made out on this second date update. That's good. Broken Jubal in the morning. Text in at 78592 says, I'm so pissed right now. I'm a nurse, and she could have really hurt someone.

It's no different than slipping somebody a roofie. Talking about today's second date update. Well, I mean, if you think about it, it is true. If you missed it, Marshall wanted to call this girl Melissa. They went out on a date. He wasn't doing very well on his date. He started talking about his ex-girlfriend the whole time. And then he started having digestive issues

and had to run to the bathroom a bunch. We got her on the phone and found out that her move when she's on a date and doesn't like the dude is to offer them a chocolate, a laxative chocolate, so that they have to go to the bathroom and the date has to be over. Without them knowing. She doesn't go like, hey, here's a laxative. So she secretly gave him a laxative and then his stomach started to hurt and he had to go to the bathroom a bunch. And he ended up just throwing money on the table and leaving.

And everybody's saying that that's actually a crime. Absolutely. And it is, I think. You can't drug people. Absolutely. And it is, I think. You can't drug people. Absolutely. And the craziest part to me is how proud she, like she thought it was really cute. Yeah, she did.

She thought it was a cute move and she's done it before. And it wasn't a big deal to her. She's like, I've done this to a bunch of guys. Yeah. I've given them laxatives to ruin the day. She's like, get this. Wait till you hear what I did. You guys are going to think this is so funny.

Yeah, there's no difference between her slipping somebody a laxative and some douchey bro who's like, dude, I've done that to so many chicks. Like, just leave your drink on a tent and drop a little bit in. That did so many chicks. I guess there's no difference. There's no difference between her and Bill Cosby. She didn't sexually assault him afterwards is the positive piece of that. Because I don't think that after you get a laxative, you... I don't think

you want to. No, that's what I'm saying. So there is a difference there, but the drugging part is all illegal. It's also like who and how she decides when they deserve the laxative. She's up to so many guys, I feel like her tolerance level is nothing. As soon as she meets a guy out, she's just like, alright, you're getting a laxative.

Yeah, you looked at me wrong. I love your outfit. They didn't even have dinner yet. I know. They literally talked for 10 minutes. Can I get a picture to make my ex jealous? No, that's dumb. But that doesn't deserve getting a laxative. I still stand by it, though.

Her laxatives sound great. You want one? You want to go out with her just so you're more regular. Yeah, because I've taken some laxatives before, and they don't even work that well on me. Really? Yeah, I'm so jammed up sometimes. You know, that I really like. I have to load up on the laxatives before and they don't even work that well on me. Really? Yeah, I'm so jammed up sometimes. You're? Oh, sure. You know, that I really like, I have to load up on the laxatives and still nothing.

Uh-oh. It just adds to the... I don't know what I regret more, the conversation that's come after the laxative, second date update, or... All right. It's really frustrating. I don't need to know anymore. It sounds really back and forth over there, bud.

So hopefully she sends me the info for that laxative so I can get back on track, you know? Maybe that's why you've had anger issues all the time. No, that's from other things. Okay. I think the constipation might stem from those other things. Oh, okay. Well, it's all related is what you're saying. It all comes from somewhere.

You just got to find the source. Remember, if you want to do a second date update, all you have to do is email the show and we will call the person who drugged you. Or didn't drug you. Or just didn't call you back. Whatever it is. just email the show. Move in 92.5 Ugh, we're so done

with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention

because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover,

that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got,

and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. with guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans,

It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.