Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: Dating Contract

Episode Date: March 20, 2019

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Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you by the IHOP Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from. WFH.com. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update.

A listener named Hannah is on the phone to do a second date update today. And her situation is kind of unique. She sent an email in. She talked about her date. Everything went great. They got along great. Even after that, they talked on the phone. Things were going great.

And then something happened. And now things are not going great. Uh-oh. We'll get to that in just a second. But what's up, and now things are not going great. We'll get to that in just a second, but what's up, Hannah? How are you? Hey, how's it going, guys? Pretty good. I like when people know the exact moment things went wrong, because that's what it sounds like for you. Yeah, I mean, okay, so let me explain what happened first before I get to it.

Okay. What's his name, first of all? His name's Mark. Mark, all right. So I met Mark at the airport getting ready to board a it. Okay. What's his name, first of all? His name's Mark. Mark. All right. So I met Mark at the airport getting ready to, you know, board a flight. Yeah. I was looking for a place to charge my phone and there were no open outlets. So, you know, I met this nice guy and he was like, hey, you want to borrow mine? I was like, oh, that's awesome. Thanks. But I sat down and we started chatting randomly and he was super cute and really nice and he obviously thought the same of you because there's no way he's gonna let you use a charger if I mean that's

a good opening pickup line yeah I'm never letting an uggo use my charger no way keep your hands off I guess yeah I mean he was cool though so we started chatting and it's time to board the plane I was hoping you know maybe he'd be on the same flight, and, you know, I would get a chance to maybe sit close to him and keep talking. But it turns out he was actually on a different flight. Of course. But he asked me, he's like, are you from here? I was like, yeah, yeah.

So he asked me for my number, which I was super excited about. I was hoping he was going to call me and everything, but if he didn't, I'd be like, you know, too bad. That kind of sucks. He's really cute. So it wasn't one of those things where you're like some people who instantly thought that he was your soulmate, and if he doesn't call you, the whole world is going to end. You're just like, oh, I hope he calls,

but if he doesn't, not the end of the world. I was hoping he was going to call me, but no, not the end of the world. Obviously he called because you went out on a date. Yeah, so we kept chatting on the phone. We talked a few times and set up plans for when we both got back from our trip and, you know, went to this nice bar and got some drinks. And he came dressed in a suit and looked really nice, you know, like handsome and all done up. So we had this amazing time.

And then by the end of the night, we ended up making out. That's good. It's all good. At this point, what are you thinking of him? I mean, because obviously he's moved from just like the random guy at the airport to now potential boyfriend? I wouldn't say that I was sure he was boyfriend right away, but I mean definitely

interested, you know, definitely potential, you know. That's good. You made out with him so I would hope you would be hoping for some potential. I'll never see him. There's nothing with this guy. I'm not even attracted to him, but let's make out real quick. Yeah. So I don't know, like things went really well and we talked for a few times on the phone and kept chatting. And so here's, I guess, where things kind of get a little bit strange. Like I know that I wanted to keep seeing him and see where things go. And I think that he did too. So I told him, you know, the last time we chatted,

that I've been hurt really, really bad before with some crazy exes and some bad situations. So, you know, I told him, I was like, I have this thing that is like a safety net for me. But it's basically like a dating contract. What? A contract? And what does that mean?

Yeah. It's like something a dating contract. What? A contract? And what does that mean? Yeah. It's like something that I wrote up to kind of help protect myself about like things that he has to reveal to me. Like, do you have any crazy psycho exes? Do you have any dependent children? Do you have any STDs? Whoa. This is an actual written document that you have? Yeah.

I mean, like, it's not like I sent it to my lawyer, but it's like a paper that I wrote up because I want to be respected. And, like, there's some weirdos out there, like, and you never know. It's like I want to know what I'm getting myself into. Well, I guess. And on one side, they always say you need to be clear with what your expectations are, and that's a very clear way to do it. That's very clear. That's true, yeah. Yeah.

So I emailed it over to him, and I said, you know, like, take a look. This is kind of like what I'm about, and it's important to me. But I know it's not a normal thing, and I said that. But, you know, I just thought he would take a look, and I was up front. Everything was there. Have you given that to other dudes before, and they've been cool with it? To be honest, this is the first time that I've done it, but it's because, like, I've been hurt so bad from the other one.

Yeah. So what was his response to that he chatted with me a couple times but it was kind of like brief like he said he was busy and had to go to work and then like I haven't seen him and like I haven't scheduled any dates and I really like this guy so I was like really concerned and I didn't want to scare him away but I was scared away but I gave him a contract to sign. You see how that could be a little daunting, right? Yeah. And like the thing is, like I can understand why you did it and your reasoning.

But if you were to receive one for me, if I ever got one of those, it would be a huge red flag that the person I was about to date has major trust issues. It wasn't my intention to scare him away. And I guess, you know, with what you guys said, that maybe it did, but I really like this guy. I had serious intentions of wanting to see where it goes. Okay. Well, at least we can get him on the phone, and maybe you can make your

case. If that's the thing that did scare him off, which probably was, then you can try to reassure him that you're not crazy, you've just been hurt before. Okay. Well, play a song, and then come back and call him and get your second date update, okay? Okay, thanks, guys. All right, hang on. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Second date update. Nothing says true love like contract negotiations. That's right. I know everybody probably just swooned when I said that. Hot and heavy. And that's what Hannah is dealing with right now because she went out on a date with some dude named Mark. They liked each other a lot, even made out at the end of the date, and continued to talk on the phone,

trying to set up another date, and then she dropped her dating contract on him. Apparently she wrote up a contract for dating her because she's been burned in the past. She emailed it over to him. And since then, he's kind of seemed not interested. So we're about to call him and find out if it is the dating contract that turned him off. You know, Hannah, you ever think about maybe he's got it with his lawyers right now and they're reviewing it and he's going to make a counterproposal? I think that's taking it a little too far. I think you need to realize even if this one doesn't turn out, it is a very good lesson, since he's the first guy you've given this to, to maybe do a better job explaining how you're trying to be honest with your expectations beforehand so he doesn't take it the wrong way. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I honestly don't think it's anything past, you know, like what I would expect in a relationship.

Right. But we'll see. That's why I have you guys to help me. All right. Well, we'll see if we can do that. I'm going to dial this phone number right now, okay? Okay. All right.

Here we go. Hello? Hello? Hi, can I speak to Mark, please? This is him. Hey, Mark, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Who?

Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio program. Show Graham on the radio in the morning on the radio show. I don't really listen to the radio. Yeah, don't blame you. Well, it's a radio show called Brook and Jubal in the Morning, and one of our listeners emailed us about you. That's why I'm calling you. Somebody about

me? Who is... I don't understand. Good question. I'm going to start with the who is first, okay? Who, when, where, why? Hannah emailed us about you. Hannah, oh. Oh. Okay.

I don't know. Yeah, it sounded pleasurable. Okay, I don't understand what's going on here. I can tell. And I'm starting to not understand either. And I've done this like a million times. She emailed us because we do a segment on our show called The Second Date Update. That's where if you go out on a date with somebody and then end up not calling them back,

they can email us to get you on the phone and figure out what happened. And she says that you guys have been talking a lot. You met. You had a really cool first date. You made out. And you guys were talking a bunch and things were going great. And then all of a sudden it seems like you're not interested.

So she wants to know why. Yeah, I'll bet. Does that laugh mean that she should already know why you're not calling her back? I would think that she would. It's so weird. She was cool. And, yeah, we made out at the end, so that was promising. But we're talking on the phone, and she's like, oh, just one little thing.

I'm going gonna send you something and she sends me this three page document of a contract like a dating contract three pages three four pages of rules and conditions yeah she told us that she sent that to you I didn't realize that it was three pages long though I thought it was something that just said, hey, my name's Hannah. Please don't hurt me. Sign on the dotted line. Love you. Oh, no. It was a whole list of things I had to do, like disclose crazy exes, asking if I had STDs. Hold on. I'm going to pull it up. It's still on my phone.

Oh, sweet. Okay. I want to know exactly what's in there. While you pull it up, I feel like you should understand, like, from her side, she says that she was just trying to be honest and upfront with what her expectations for dating are because she hasn't been in the past and it hasn't turned out well. I get that. Everybody's been burned. Hold on. Look at this.

Okay. STDs disclose political beliefs. Wow. That's tough. I mean, I guess that's okay if she doesn't want to date somebody who doesn't align with her politically, so you guys aren't arguing about that all the time. Well, and usually that just happens organically. Like, you figure that out.

That's the point of dating, right? Like, that's probably why you were upset. Yeah, but then it gets into, like, more behavioral stuff. Like, you have to text or call once a day to check in. Okay, now we're getting yeah i can see that would start to throw up some flags for me that just made me go uh we've got two hours notice if you want to cancel a date oh my gosh wow a dentist appointment yeah like come on yeah but you guys are always getting fat at women who we can tell what you want. You know what she wants.

I mean, that is true. You got it there in writing. And if she ever tries to give you crap about something, you'll be like, no, no, no, no. I am completely within my contract. I canceled the date, but it was before two hours. I'm good. You can't get mad about this. It could be nice, actually.

Honestly, if it was just those things, I would probably agree to it. But this list keeps going. There's worse things in it? How about this? When fighting, no silent treatment is allowed or any passive aggressive behavior. That's funny. Dude, she's never going to be in a relationship with expectations like this. And then below that, there's an amendment saying all disagreements must be fully discussed even if we agree to

disagree oh that sounds it sounds good actually retiring a lot a lot of long conversations i would imagine so what line was it that really made you completely decide you weren't going to ever call her back again i can't choose one but this one's definitely a bad one. Mandatory presents for Christmas, Valentine's, and all major anniversaries. Well, duh. Yeah, you should be doing that, but put that in writing. Jeez. Poor thing. Very detailed, though, Mark.

I mean, okay, you guys, it's a nuts thing that she did, really. But you liked her, and if she could, like, disregard this contract, would you still be interested in seeing her? I don't know. Like, just stay... I like how you guys are trying to pull

any sort of positive out of it. There really isn't a way to do that. I'm like, if there wasn't the huge, giant red flag, you'd still like her. Excuse me, guys. I don't really understand

what the problem is. I'm just trying to protect myself. I don't really see this as, like, a bad thing. What? Who's that? Oh, Mark. I forgot to tell to protect myself. I don't really see this as like a bad thing. Who's that? Oh, Mark. I forgot to tell you. That's Hannah. She's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you.

That should have been in the contract. Sorry about that. Hi. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, Mark, Mark. I honestly feel like having this communication was so important for a relationship to last that way we're on the same page and you know what I want.

Like, what is wrong with you agreeing to those things? Like, are you hiding something? That's like stuff that normal boyfriend relationships do. Look, like everybody has been hurt by somebody before, but this is not the way to handle it. Well, most of those people didn't sign a contract beforehand, and that's probably why. No, but this is not the way to handle it. Well, most of those people didn't sign a contract beforehand, and that's probably why. No, but this is really excessive. Like, we've been on one date, and now I'm supposed to sign a contract that puts me on the hook for a bunch of presents and, like, phone calls every day?

I mean, at least I didn't put, like, the amount of the present that you had to buy me, like, the price. Oh, see, that's nice. But you had an amount in mind, didn't you? I mean, I like nice things. What girl doesn't? But, like, what I'm saying is I'm not crazy. Like, I think I'm being pretty reasonable.

I've been totally 100% upfront with you. I feel like in a relationship, you want to know those things. So you know what I would like in a relationship now. Yeah, but this is like all expectations it takes the romance out of it that i'm contractually obligated to do these things with you right well look if you were like an actual stand-up guy it wouldn't feel like a contractual obligation those would be like normal things that you would want to do yeah they would

be but now this is so weird like i don't want to have anything to do. Yeah, they would be, but now this is so weird. Like, I don't want to have anything to do with it. Yeah, it'd be weird if, like, President's Day is coming up. You're like, oh, where's that contract? I've got to figure out if I need to get her a gift or something. What happens if I break the contract? Like, you just bail? That's a good question, too, yeah.

What's the out on that contract, Hannah? Well, I mean, it depends on what it is. Like, if you ghost me and don't talk to me for four or five days, then I might think about it because I want somebody who's going to be there and communicate with me and make me feel secure. But you want someone to do that because they want to. You don't want them to do it because you made them. That's not a healthy relationship for you either. Like this isn't a good way to start things. I get what you're saying, but I really liked you. Like, we had a lot of fun and you're charming and you're smart.

And honestly, Mark, like, that's why I gave this to you. Like, I've never done this before. I thought about taking this to the next level. So that's why I, you know, wanted to be prepared. Mark, what do you think? Would you like to go on a second date with her? We'll pay for it. And maybe she can take back the contract stuff

and you guys can talk it out a bit more. Would you do that, though? Would you take back the contract? I mean, maybe we can delay the signing until, like, the third date. Oh, gosh. Mark, what do you think? Just out of curiosity, yeah,

I would definitely go on another date. Really? But, like, I'm never going to sign a contract. Oh. Oh, damn. Okay. If you want these things, we can talk about it. Like, we can just talk about it and come to a verbal agreement.

Contract negotiations. I know. This is exciting. Cool. Oh, you guys. I feel like I'm at the table with, like, some pro athletes and an agent. Hannah, seriously, that is a big deal that he said yes. I think that he's a stand-up guy without the contract.

Okay, fine. We'll leave the contract for now. I am happy we're going to go out again. Awesome. I do like you, but we've got to talk about this last rule on the contract. Which one? If a breakup becomes necessary, it must be done face-to-face and not via text, phone, or FaceTime.

I'd rather have a text breakup. Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want.

And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel.

And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference.

Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth at Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.