Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: F Stands For Fantasy

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

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John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1.4 billion dollars in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast,

the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story.

Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Need LASIK? Trust the experienced team at the LASIK Center at Evergreen Eye Center. No glasses, no contacts, no limits. What will you do? LASIK at evergreen.com. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update. We've been doing second date updates for a long time and we've heard a lot of corny, cheesy pickup lines, but today's involved violence and that's why i'm into it corny and violent i'm definitely down i want to hear about it and that's why samantha is on the phone she wants to do a second date update today what's up samantha how are you i'll be

better once we get this figured out oh my god are you the violent one in this situation uh no well kind of yeah yeah i was gonna say you said no I read your email. It sounds like you were the violent one. I like how she laughs at it. Like, oh, I mean, yeah. Well, it's, okay, I'll just tell you what happened. So I met this guy named Corey at a house party. And the way we met was pretty weird. He came up to me.

I didn't know him. He was like, hey, can you do me a big favor? And I was like, okay, what is it? And he was just like, can you just slap me in the face as hard as you can? What? He just came up to you out of the blue and asked you to slap him. Yes. And I was like completely, I was like, is this some sort of

weird kinky thing? I was so confused. Dude, did you just pull back and do it or did you tell him no? No. I was just like, no, I'm not gonna do that. And he was like, no, I'm not gonna be mad at you. I promise you'd be really helping me out if you would just slap me in the face. Why did he want

you to slap him in the face? Well, after I kept going, no, no, finally I was like, okay, and I slapped him. And then he was just like, oh, thank you so much. Now I know I'm not dreaming. You are real. Oh, wow. What?

Yeah. See, that's what I meant. Corny pickup line, but at least it involved a slap in the face. I didn't see it coming. Yeah. That is a lot of work. So much. Yeah, it was a lot of work, and that's why I liked him.

I thought that was actually pretty funny. Oh, my God. How hard did you hit him? Pretty hard. It would have been awesome if you just knocked him out. Yeah would have never been able to deliver that line. Like that's not how I planned it. He was kind of really starting to annoy me, so I just really went for it when I hit him. Oh my god. So wait, did you guys hang out that night or did you go on a date later? Well, you know, we continued talking that night, but then we did end up getting coffee

the next weekend. Was there any slapping or hitting involved in that? No, not that time. How was coffee with him? I was having a good time. I think he was, but then he did have somewhere he had to be. So we only hung out for maybe like an hour. But that's kind of a long time for coffee. Yeah. I mean, it was okay, and then we did end up actually going out a second time after that. Oh, good. So this is like a third date update for you. Yeah. Okay. So, it was

the second date that wasn't that great, I guess. What happened then? What'd you guys do? We went, and we got drinks, and I don't know, I guess I got a little too comfortable i i ended up getting pretty drunk oh yeah that wasn't a good look so i asked him to give me a ride home because it got to the point where like i wouldn't have been able to drive i was pretty drunk so on the

way home i could tell i was gonna get sick oh no oh, no. Oh. So, like, I told him, like, it was coming. And I was like, pull over, pull over. And there wasn't really time. So at a red light, I just kind of opened the door and, like, winged out the car. Oh, jeez. So you puked. Did you get any in his car? No.

Okay. I was just really careful about that. Yeah, that's really nice. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like you can recover as long as you didn't puke inside his car. Yeah. Unless he's an Uber driver, because I think they get money if you puke in there. He might have actually liked that. He should have fined you.

Yeah, I mean, so I'm assuming that's why I haven't heard back from him. I texted him the next day, like, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have happened. You know, I'd really like to see you again. And, I mean, he does respond to me occasionally, but it's just pretty clear he's not trying to actually hang out with me anymore. Yeah, you slapped him in the face and then puked in his car.

Not a good look. Sort of, yeah. He asked for one of those things. That's true. He did ask for the smack. I mean, I know I obviously messed up, but I feel like we had a really good connection and I deserve a second chance. Would you give him a second chance if he was the one that had puked? I mean, honestly, drunk people are stupid.

They do stupid things. Yeah. Like, I would say if I got that messed up again, that would be one thing. But I feel like anybody can screw up on time. All right, we'll play a song and then come back and call them and get your second date update, okay? All right, thanks. All right, hang on. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update. When you think of some of the greatest love stories of all time, you might think of The Notebook or Romeo and Juliet or Rose and Jack from Titanic. Yeah. Well, all those stories had one common thing. Puke. What? Yeah, I'm pretty sure puke was the one common factor in all those love stories. That's why you ended up off the door.

And we have another amazing pukey love story today from Samantha, who's on the phone. She wants to call a dude named Corey. They actually met at a party. He came up to her and asked her to slap him in the face. And she finally did. And then he was like, oh, thank you. I guess I'm not dreaming. So it was a very long way to get to a corny pickup line. But it worked. And then they hung out a couple times.

But the last time they hung out, she got a little too drunk and ended up puking outside of his car while he was taking her home. And he hasn't really been responsive since. So she thinks that's the reason he's not calling her back. Alright, Samantha, are you ready to call Corey and see what's up? I'm ready. It's hard to believe that a guy who would ask you to hit him, that puke would be his deal breaker.

Yeah. Was there anything else that happened while you were drunk that you can't remember? Maybe. Maybe I said or did something weird. I don't know. You were pretty drunk, drunk enough to puke outside of the car. You might not remember saying something weird. Exactly. We'll all find out together then. Let's hope.

Yeah. I'm going to dial his phone number right now, okay? Here we go. All right. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Corey? Speaking. Hey, Corey, how are you?

This is Jubal from the radio show Brook and Jubal in the Morning. I'm sorry, who? Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show. Okay. How are you today? I'm doing all right. I'm sorry, you said this is a radio show?

Yep, and I'm calling you today because one of our listeners sent us an email about you. Okay, is this a prank phone call? No, it's not. We do a segment on our show called The Second Date Update. It's where if you go out on a date with somebody and end up not calling them back after, they can email us to get you on the phone and find out what happened. So we got an email from a girl named Samantha who you went out with a little while ago. I mean, I went out with a girl named Samantha. Not sure why she's emailing a radio station and you guys are calling me.

This would be the Samantha that puked outside of your car when you were taking her home? Yeah, no, that one's hard to forget. The girl who puked outside of my car. Yeah, I didn't know if there was like a couple of Samanthas you went out with. There was like the normal Samantha and then there's the puke Samantha. We're talking about the puke Samantha. Yeah. Yeah. No, I put that together. You're quick. She emailed us because

she told us about your date. She said she had a good time, but it's obvious that you don't want to go out with her again. And she's wondering why. I mean, it's not that I don't want to go out with her again. That was a bit of a crazy night. She was definitely a lot of fun and then, you know, a little bit less fun, mostly puking out of my car. She was a champ. She got about 90% of it outside of my car. But no, that wasn't why I hadn't been getting back to her. I knew it. I do like her. We did ultimately have fun, and she was pretty cool and everything. If you don't like her, then why not give her another shot to do something else in your car? Well, generally not opposed.

It's just that I screwed up, and now just isn't a good time for another relationship. You screwed up. Wait a minute. Were you cheating was she like a side piece and she didn't know it no no no no no no no no no no i'm not married i'm not in a relationship she wasn't she wasn't my number two so you're single then yeah just most all of my time is taken up right now and i really shouldn't be starting another full-time thing right now. Wait, so you're not in a relationship, but all your time is taken up?

Yeah, I just timed this wrong because it's fantasy football season. What? Okay. What does that have to do with, I don't get what that would have to do with timing. Well, I'm like a semi-pro fantasy football player. I'm a member of six different leagues. It's all very high-stakes money stuff. Is that a thing?

You could call yourself a semi-pro fantasy football player? Yeah, I didn't even know there were professional fantasy players. Like fantasy is in the name because it's not real, man. Well, I mean, it's real. It's a game. I play it, but I also make a significant amount of money doing it. Whoa. Like how much are we talking?

Like, this sets you up for a month, a year? I made $500 profit last year, not counting league fees, and that was a pretty sizable take for me. Corey, I'm not going to interrupt. You're blowing me off for fantasy football? Uh-oh. For $500? What?

Yeah, it's Samantha. Yeah. Corey, sorry. Samantha's on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. And I guess just couldn't wait. She heard 500 bucks. I think it probably perked her ears up.

I didn't know I was dating a man with money. That kind of pisses me off that like for $500 that you might win in a game. You don't want to spend time with me. It's not just about the money. I love doing it. This is my recreational activity. I mean, I spend hours and hours watching game footage and a number of different online resources

that do news and breakdowns. Why can't you still date me and still do that? Yeah, I totally agree. Like, why can't you have a girlfriend and have fantasy football? Millions of people do it. I've tried to do stuff like that in the past, and it never works out. A lot of girls that I go out with say they understand, say they get it, say that it's not a big deal. But by the time it's week six and Antonio Brown goes down with a leg injury and

I'm freaking the hell out and I'm just looking for support and comfort and you're like, what do you mean your little electronic man hurts me and you don't understand I have to swap out these players before? Oh, wow. It makes it really difficult to maintain a relationship. Okay, like, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like, I don't understand why you wouldn't be able to just put your phone away if it was bothering me.

Like, I would think you would prioritize the living person sitting in front of you over your fantasy players yeah eventually i would but this this is the this is the issue all right i made a mistake when i saw you that night at the party i knew that the season was starting in three weeks and i should have known better than to approach you and try to start something up knowing that i wouldn't be available and i apologize for that okay i i've heard enough well he's trying to be responsible yeah i mean at least at least he's like trying to think ahead to be like i don't want to cause samantha frustration when i start getting into fantasy football season and all my time is taken up. Yeah, and Samantha, I did enjoy it.

And this is good for you. You don't have to put up with me doing all of my statistical analysis and you're watching all the games and everything. This takes the burden off of your shoulders. Then, trust me, by the second week in February, I am ready to hang out. But Corey, why would she want to hang out with you? You're just going to have to dump her again next football season. Yeah, this is not what I thought it was going to be. Like, honestly, this is just stupid.

See, see, girls never understand. I knew that you wouldn't be able to understand how important this is. I mean, I understand. Like, I've dated guys that have played fantasy football before, but, like, it didn't take up their whole lives. Like, an obsession. Like, they still made time for me. Well, maybe they just weren't fully committed.

I guess not. Well, it just seems like, Corey, like, this is your hobby, and that's great. But your passion is bordering on obsession. No. You're stopping the rest of your life to play fantasy football. Seriously, it's a computer game. Like, it does not matter in, like, the scope of your life to play fantasy football. Seriously, it's a computer game. Like, it does not matter in, like, the scope of life. Excuse me, all right?

It does matter, all right? This is my passion. This is what I'm into. If I were a fantastic painter and I was like, I have to step away so that I can paint this, you know, travel to paint this magnificent vista and put it on canvas. Would you be like, painting doesn't matter. They are the same thing. It's what I do for fun, and it's what I do for money.

If I said, baby, I have to go to my second job, and you were like, you can't go to your second job because that means you're not with me. It was $500. It could be more than double that this time. It sounds like you guys are actually having the argument right now. It sounds like you're almost in a relationship. Listen, girlfriends come and go, but fantasy has always been there for me. I'm really happy for you. I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than my first fantasy football league,

which I'm still in. Okay. Wow. How long has that been, Corey? We've been doing this for 12 years. Dang, that's a long time. Congratulations on that long-term relationship. Corey, I still have to

ask the question. Would you like to go out with Samantha again on a second date? We will pay for it. It won't be on a Sunday. You know what? Don't even bother because I was feeling it was my fault but now that I know what it is, honestly, I am not interested in the second date. What about in February? Do it right between when fantasy football ends and then fantasy baseball starts up.

Oh, no. Come on. Fantasy baseball is a joke for losers. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I got it wrong, Corey. You're not a fantasy baseball dork. Oh, man. Losers.

She's a real man. Yeah. Broken Jubal in the morning. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment

sports and more Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. $1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history.

I'm AJ Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast, the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and the quarterback series. My co-host, Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott,

Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs.

For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.