Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: Ironed Man

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

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Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout.

I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update.

We've heard a lot of reasons why people didn't think their date went well. But this is an interesting one. Ben, the guy who's on the phone for a second date update right now, thinks his date was ruined because he ironed his clothes. What? I don't know exactly how that could ruin a date, but we'll find out. Ben, how are you? Hopefully you're wearing some wrinkled clothing right now, so this goes well.

I'm doing okay. How are you guys? Okay. I mean, a little confused. Yeah. Because it feels like you think that women love crumpled t-shirts, but I don't know really what's going on. I should explain a little bit more so you guys understand. I understand perfectly. No. I don't think you do. I have no idea what you're talking about, Ben.

Yeah, please explain. What's the name of the girl you want to call today? Alicia. Alicia. Okay. And where did you meet Alicia? Just on Tinder. Okay.

Okay. And you were both really interested in dry cleaning, and that And where did you meet Alicia? Just on Tinder. Okay. Okay. And you were both really interested in dry cleaning, and that's what brought you together. Good one. Thanks, Ben. Coming with the dry cleaning jokes today. Tell us about your date, Ben. I mean, I feel like it just went off the rails from the beginning, and my mojo was just off.

That showed up 20 minutes late. Was that because you were ironing? Yeah, that's exactly why. I forgot to iron my clothes, looked all over my house for my ironing board. I wanted to look nice and I totally forgot that whole part of my routine. I feel like

10 minutes late is the max that you can do without annoying someone. Yeah, you're right. What's worse is I lied about why I was late on the spot. I was just like, ah, traffic was horrible. You know, she might have known I was lying. Right. Because people use the traffic excuse a lot. And if you're going to the same place and there was no traffic and you travel basically the same direction, you're like, they're lying.

I was just really nervous, you know, and I was just touching my face a lot. It looked like I was lying. All right. So your first impression sucked is what it sounds like. Yeah, definitely. And it just got worse from there. Okay. So how did, like, just tell us about what exactly happened.

So she was really nice and pleasant. But for some reason, I caught on this weird rant about people who ride bikes. You don't even know why. You hate those people? I mean, hate's a strong word. I just don't like how they ride on the sidewalk when there's a little bike lane and you kind of dodge them on the

sidewalk. I've been hit by a couple of bikes. Or you hit them. And then did you find out she was an avid bike rider at the end of your rant? No, she just kept nodding the whole time. She didn't really add a lot to the bike conversation. Okay, that was just you pretty much spilling about your hatred toward bicyclists and bikes. Yeah, basically.

Okay, that's a good impression to leave on a person. But that's like the worst feeling because you're nervous and you're trying to get the conversation going. I think we've all been there and like you just start snowballing and suddenly you hear yourself speaking and you can't even stop yourself from doing it. Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me. Okay. On top of that, I asked her a question that I already asked her. You know, it was like, where did you go to school? And she just said, you already asked me that. But like, oh, she thinks I'm not paying attention to her now.

Yeah. That's bad. Yeah, and then right after that, as I'm apologizing, I accidentally elbow a waiter walking by, gets drinks spilled on both of us, but mostly on me. Well, at least it wasn't spilled mostly on her. That's the, I guess, bright side. All of it just makes me uncomfortable. The whole thing is a disastrous date, Ben.

Yeah, but I don't think it mattered that I got the most of it because she said, hey, I love close by. Let me go to my place real quick, change, and come back. And waited a good 20, 25 minutes for her to come back. She never did. She just ditched. That's so cruel. Like, your date was bad,

but you weren't rude to her or anything. Yeah, that's what I thought, but I was being a big dummy the whole time, so I kind of get it. There's no chemistry. I can see why you don't. You don't just leave in the middle of a date, okay? You end it, and you don't ever call him back.

That's one thing, but that's rude. Did you try to reach out to her after? Yeah, I called to check in on her right after that same night and the next day and she never picked up. She probably thinks I'm a loser. Okay. But you do want another date with her?

Yeah, yeah. I'd love to see her again. She's pretty cool. She sounds like a big jerk to me. I mean, I feel like you're letting yourself be walked on here. Well, everything that went wrong with the date was my fault, so I feel like if I got a do-over, it could probably work out. Okay. Well, we'll try to get you a do-over.

We'll play a song and then come back and call her and get your second date update, okay? All right, thanks, man. Okay, hang on. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update. When you think of disasters, you might think of an earthquake or a hurricane or a typhoon. I think of Ben and his dating life.

Oh, no. Ben is on the phone for a second date update right now, and his date was a— Ben, are you okay? Did you just pass out? Okay, no. Ben is on the phone for a second date update right now, and his date was a... Ben, are you okay? Did you just pass out? Okay, yeah. I'll survive. It just sounds like you just fell down or something. I'm doing okay.

Okay. You are a disaster, bro. Well, if you missed the first part of the second date update, Ben went out with this girl named Alicia. He was 20 minutes late for their date because he was ironing. And then he got there and was just very awkward, went on a rant about how he doesn't like bikers. Then asked her the same question twice. And then elbowed a waiter and spilled drinks all over the place. And then she left and just ditched him and is, of course, not calling him back.

So now we're going to get on the phone and see if we can get Ben a do-over. Are you ready, man? I'm ready, but when you recap the whole thing, it sounds pretty bad. Oh my gosh, poor Ben. Just used your words. You know, you did make some mistakes, but I think the biggest mistake you made was right off the bat just not being honest with her and telling her that you were nervous

for the date and that you liked her apparently a lot to be that nervous. Well, I don't know the complete truth. truth I was just hunting my clothes way too long though right he has and I don't like having wrinkly clothes all right I hope she's cool about this like I said said before, I really screwed up this date. Alright, well, we'll see. Here we go. Hello?

Hi, is this Alicia? Yes. Hey, Alicia, how are you? This is Jubal from Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. Okay, um, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Okay. What is this for? Have you ever heard of Brook and Jubal in the Morning? I think a couple of my friends listen to that.

Okay. Yeah, you have no idea. Watch, listen. It's something. It's a radio show. It's called Brook and Jubal in the Morning, so they'd be listening properly. Okay. How did you get my number?

Well, I got your number because somebody emailed it to us. His name is Ben, and you guys went on a date recently. What? Yeah. Why did he give you my number? Because we do a segment on our show. It's called the Second Date Update. So it's where if you go out on a date with somebody and then end up not calling them back or ditching them in the middle of the date,

they can email us to get you on the phone and find out what happened. And that's why Ben emailed us. Wow, I can't believe that. He only had nice things to say about you, even though you left him just sitting at a restaurant alone. Well, he was extremely awkward. We heard that. Yeah, he did tell us that.

We talked to him a little bit about your date. He said it probably wasn't the best look for him. Yeah, I mean, first of all all he showed up 20 minutes late within two minutes of the date the first thing he said is oh look at that blonde at the bar with the fake boobs wait what i did not expect you to say that yeah so right away i was completely turned off i'm like i was like wow this guy is really awkward and arrogant and rude huh like i said we talked to him about the date he didn't come off as arrogant or rude at all awkward yes yeah very awkward for sure he seemed nervous and awkward and i don't know if he was acting that way to like compensate maybe oh so he was like trying to be a man you think by telling you to check out the blonde with the fake boobs?

Oh, okay. That's why he did the bike thing. Yeah, and then he was telling me about all the dates he's been on lately and how everyone's in love with him and can't get enough of him. What? He said there was like a 99% chance I was going to sleep with him. What? And he wanted me to like high five him. Okay.

Really? And he wanted you to high five him? Yeah. You know what I mean. We definitely went on dates with different Bens. We talked to him, and he did not sound like that type of dude. Dude, I feel awful. When I was talking to him, I'm like, what the **** she is for ditching you?

And now I understand why. I would have left, too. Yeah, I actually snuck to the bathroom and handed the waiter $10 to get him to spill a drink all over me. No way. It was a setup? He thought he did it. Yeah, that was my setup. I did that.

I needed to leave. I needed a reason to leave. That's genius. He said the waiter spilled it on him, though. Yeah, that was an accident. The waiter was supposed to spill it mostly on me, but only a little bit got on me. Oh, really? That's amazing.

Okay. I mean, I think your reason to leave was when he said that there was a 99% chance you were going to sleep with him, but you outdid yourself. Oh, yeah. A hundred percent. And he wasn't joking. Like, if he was, like, trying to be funny, then it would have worked, but he was so serious. You would have slept with him if he was joking about it?

No, no. Not like... Oh. You know how some people have good personalities where they're just, like, humorous? Yeah. He wasn't like that. He was serious. Okay. Like, it's more and more, it's, like, they're just humorous? Yeah. He wasn't like that. He was serious. Like it's more self-deprecating.

Yeah. Actually. Yeah, like he wasn't being sarcastic. He was serious. Okay. Oh, man. I did not. He's awful.

I did not get that sense from him. Yeah. I don't know what else you need from me right now. I mean, I left on purpose. I'm not going to see him again. I have no intention of speaking to him. What I would like, I would just like one more thing, and I would like you to actually talk to Ben about it, because he's

on the other line listening, and wants to talk to you. What are you talking about? He's on the radio right now? He's online? Yes, he's on another phone line. Maybe. Ben, are you still there? Yeah. Haley, how's it going? Why would you call the radio station like this?

Why would you do this? I thought it was very clear that I didn't want to see you again. I feel like I should ask a question before I answer any of yours. Why did you at pace want to spill a drink on me? Did you not hear her? You know that things weren't going well between us, and I just needed to get out of there. Well, yeah, the pace I want to fill a drink on my freshly ironed shirt, you could have just asked to leave.

Wait, hold on. Ben, how are you turning this on her? You should be groveling and apologizing for all the rude comments you said. She's exaggerated. I didn't say 99%. I said something like 91 or like 92. What? Why would you even say that, though, Ben?

Well, you know, I'm not the most confident guy. I don't date a lot. I just wanted to play up my coolness a little bit. Coolness? That's jerkness. It's hard to tell which Ben is the real Ben. Is it the arrogant a-hole or is the awkward dork? I think I'm just an awkward dork.

Okay, you made your voice crack on purpose there, didn't you? Alicia, I'm sorry if I came off as an a-hole. Yeah, you shouldn't compensate and try to be an a-hole. Just be yourself. I think it would have been less awkward if you just weren't so arrogant and saying rude comments.

I think I could have tolerated the dull conversation. Thank you. You were nothing but have tolerated the dull conversation. Thank you. You were nothing but kind and pleasant the whole time and very attentive. I really appreciate that. You seem like a really nice person. See? Look at us playing nice. Thank you. I appreciate

that. That's nice. I'm surprised I'm hearing a compliment from you. Usually you're just rude. It sounds like you guys are getting along now. I think so. Hello, you. Usually you're just rude. It sounds like you guys are getting along now. I think so. Hello, Ben. Is it real? Alicia, do you think so?

I don't really know what to think at this point. The whole thing was just really awkward and left like a bad taste in my mouth. And I can't get it out of my head, the whole thing, the whole experience. If it helps, I really think the whole water spilling thing was pretty genius. Now that I think about it, I wish I could have done that. Not on our day, water spilling thing was pretty genius. Now that I think about it, I wish I could have done that. Not on our date, but like, I don't know, in a different awkward situation.

You're a really smart person. You're a really smart person. She's laughing. Well, alright, sounds like you guys are getting along better now. Alicia, would you like to go on a second date with Ben? We'll pay for it. I don't know. I kind of like the awkward dork type and I feel like he sounds a little bit different than

when we were on the date, so I wouldn't mind giving him a second chance. I think it might be worth it. Hey! That's awesome. Thanks. Just to let you know, there's a 0% chance you're going to be sleeping with me. It's gone from 91

or 92% to 0% now, Alicia. Oh my God, just stay away from the percentages, Ben. No more percentages. Congratulations. I mean, that's the humor I'm talking about. There we go. Yeah, congratulations, Ben. You got your second date, and Alicia, good luck on the next one, okay? Thank you. You guys are the best. I can't believe it.

My first date was a disaster, and now I'm getting a second one. This is the best. I can't believe it. My first day was a disaster. Now I'm getting a second one. This is the best day of my life. Broken Jubal in the morning. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs.

For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then, I decided I wanted to tell my own story.

Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss

entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts.