Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: I've Gotta Fly

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes,

we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E,

Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Need LASIK? Trust the experienced team at the LASIK Center at Evergreen Eye Center. No glasses, no contacts, no limits. What will you do? LASIK at evergreen.com. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update. We've done a lot of second date updates where someone's tried to joke around and it's gone really bad.

But I don't think anything is worse than today's. A dude named Evan is on the phone for a second date update and his joke went really, really bad. What's up, Evan? How are you? Hey, I'm doing better now. Congratulations on the biggest joke fail in a second date update we've had so far. Really? Good work. Yeah, you're welcome. I can't even imagine what you're joking about, like dead puppies.

Well, I mean, we have some class where, you know, we're not crazy. There was death involved, though. We'll get to that in just a second. Okay. But first, tell us about the girl you want to call today. What's her name? Vanessa. Vanessa.

All right. And where did you meet Vanessa? Just off of a dating site. How are you feeling going into this date? Oh, it's feeling great. There was some initial chemistry, just kind of chatting online back and forth and talking on the phone a bit. And when I saw her picture, she has the most real lips I've ever seen. I don't know if that makes any sense when I say that. Not really. I mean, I just picture like anti-Kardashian lip, but that's all. I mean, it's just like, there's just way too much plastic surgery out there. There's a lot of big fake lips, big fake butts out there. So you liked her real lips. Did you

like anything else about her? I mean, you know, everything, everything was working for me. She was great conversationalist for sure, but unfortunately, the conversation got interrupted. So we're at this open-air restaurant, and they have little bits of bread and olive oil and Parmesan cheese you can kind of dip in and whatnot. That always means it's a fancy place. If you're dipping bread in olive oil, you know you're paying a little bit more. And we're starting to settle in, and there's this one fly that just does not leave our table alone. And at first it's like landing just here and there and like, no big deal. It starts getting a little persistent and it's like flying around my face a bit, like buzzing by my ears.

There's nothing more annoying than a fly that won't leave you alone. Yeah, and they're so gross to me. So while we were waving around, I thought it would be funny if I, like, bit at the fly, you know, to bring a little humor in, like a dog would. Like, you know, they snap it, you know? Yeah, like the flies flying around a dog that always try to catch it with their mouth. Okay. I guess that'd be funny.

I think it's funny, the visual. Yeah, but not during a date. It sounds really unattractive, but sounds really unattractive but continue i mean we're goofing around a bit it's no big deal so i go and do it and the first time i go to do it i actually catch the fly and bite it in half I kid you not. That is disgusting. What did you do? Yeah, yeah, it was rough. It's gross, but also talented. Like, did you even know that you could do that? Impressive.

It was like an awakening moment, and I'm like, wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened? What did you do? Well, the rough part was it was kind of a bigger fly. Oh. Oh, so you're mad kind of a bigger fly. Oh. Oh, so you're mad because you ruined your appetite.

Oh. Yeah, you guys are at dinner, you ruined your appetite, and then the whole date went horrible. Oh, my God. Oh, it was so bad from there. And it wasn't even like a fast downhill. It was this slow burning, like trying to save the date for another hour, and it's like, what am I doing? It must have looked like you did it on

purpose you know yeah and the fly's head lands like perfectly um this white tablecloth oh my god i'm so grossed out and it's still kind of like rigor mortis whatever like pushing around and realizing that i had done that and realizing the other half of the fly is in my mouth still and i'm like oh i need to get rid of this. I really just want to spit this out. That's going to make it even worse. And I just like. Yeah, that's a tough position to be in.

It's like, do I spit it out or do I swallow it? Neither of those is a good solution. Yeah, lose, lose. With these sort of weird pursed lips, I kind of say, lose, lose. And like, I go to the bathroom. I wash my mouth out a bit. my god that is the most calm reaction I think of anyone doing that that I could have ever like excuse me I'm gonna go to the bathroom like I thought for sure she wouldn't think that it's on purpose inside I was panicking don't get

me wrong and time was going by so slowly oh my god, what did she say? At first, like, when it actually happened, she was just like, oh, just this look of shock and like. Well, yeah, it's like, what kind of monster am I on a date with? Exactly right. Like, this freak. Why did you feel like you had to play it off? Like, why wouldn't you freak out? She was obviously freaking out. I'm freaking out just even hearing the story.

Yeah, but it was kind of crowded and there were all these other people around and I just knew it was going to get worse if I, you know. So after I went to the bathroom, I came back and I tried to make a joke about the whole thing and I said, well, at least Mr. Miyagi would be proud. That's cool. Yeah, right. That's what I should have heard, all that laughter. And I heard nothing, just this look of, huh?

She didn't get your joke? Yeah, maybe she just didn't understand it. No, she doesn't know Karate Kid. Yeah, that is like a 30-year-old movie. It's a pretty dated joke. So from the fly-in to then to that red flag, because if you can't get the reference, I mean, come on. Yeah, then she's just like, who's this Mr. Miyagi guy?

And why would he be proud of you? And I'm like, oh, it was this real popular movie back in the day. And then, like, some awkward conversation after that. Yeah. We tried to pick up back our menus and tried to, like, pick up, but, like, the appetite was just gone. Yeah. Yeah. So we got, like, one more drink and then bounced out.

And, like, she came up and she she initiated this hug and i was like oh whoa hey that's that's cool but it was very much like here's the hug bye yeah she's not interested in a kiss for sure nobody's gonna kiss a fly eater yeah so i mean i'm just trying to see if i could get you guys to get in touch with her help me out some way and just like can i just have a redo can we just pretend that never happened? Okay. And has she talked to you at all since your date? No, not a thing.

Nothing. All right, cool. Well, we'll play a song and then come back and call her and get your second date update, all right? Great. Brooke and Jubal in the morning, second date update. How's that old nursery rhyme go? I know an old lady who swallowed a fly.

Don't know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she'll die. Well, I know a second dater who swallowed a fly. And who knows why he swallowed a fly? Because he's an effing animal, that's why. Because he's a maniac. And his name is Evan, and he's on the phone with us right now.

And yes, Evan bit the head off a fly on his first date. If you're just tuning in, I need to explain a little bit because you're probably like, what? He was at dinner with his date and there was a fly buzzing around his head. So he thought, I'm going to joke around and try to like nip at it like how dogs do. And then he did. And he actually caught the fly and then bit it in half. And I guess one part of the fly fell down to the table.

The other one stayed in his mouth. He ran to the restroom, cleaned out his mouth. Probably should have just jumped off the top of the building. But anyway, cleaned out his mouth, went back to the table, tried to explain it, and his date wasn't really filling him after that. So now we're about to get her on the phone and see if he can get a redo. All right, Evan, you animal. Are you ready to give her a call?

Let's do it, man. Oh, my God. I really think that your mistake wasn't the accidental fly biting. It was the calm reaction you had afterwards that made you feel more like a serial killer. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. Slowly biting the head off a fly and then staring her directly in the eye the whole time.

That's pretty cold. No, I'm not even staring her down. Oh, come on. All right. Well, I'm going to dial her phone number right now and see if we can help you out. Here we go. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Vanessa, please? This is Vanessa.

Hey, Vanessa, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. What's Brook and Jubal? That's a good question. It's a radio show. Okay. Okay. It airs on radio stations.

Like most radio shows. Okay. Appropriate place for it to be. Why are you calling? Well, I'm calling because we do a segment on our show. It's called The Second Date Update. That's where if you go out on a date with somebody and then don't call them back after, they can email us to get you on the phone and figure out why.

And we got an email about you from a listener. His name is Evan. Oh, that guy? Yeah. He's probably hard to forget. guy? Yeah. He's probably hard to forget. Yep. Yeah, he got a thing with flies, yeah. Yeah, we actually talked to Evan about that date

where he accidentally bit a fly in half. Oh, God, it was so gross. Have you been referring to him as fly guy this whole time? Somewhat, but I kind of don't talk about him anymore. Yeah, it's probably a place you want to bury deep dark in your head so you don't have to think about it. I'm trying not to remember. Yeah, he told us about your date, said that he really liked you,

and he was just trying to joke around when that happened, but he understands that it would obviously be disgusting to sit across from somebody on a date and have them munch into an insect that they didn't order off the menu. Right. And he's wondering why you're not calling him back or texting him back. It's not so much about the fly. I mean, yeah, that's gross and whatever.

But the guy is really kind of rude and full of himself. I mean, he like pop culture shamed me, I guess is what you might want to say. Pop culture shamed you? He did tell us that he tried to tell you a Karate Kid joke and you didn't get the reference. Right, right, right. There was some Mr. Nagy Shaggy. Mr. Miyagi. From the movie Karate Kid back in the 80s.

What's the name? Mr. Miyagi. Yeah, that's the name. So I'm sitting in the restaurant and it was starting to get really awkward because he was, like, yelling at me because I haven't seen some ancient film. And he just wouldn't go on and on about it. I felt really uncomfortable. It really was making me feel bad. As it should.

Like, no person should be on a date and be made to feel stupid. Like, he was so condescending. And I'm thinking, you know, this is supposed to be a nice, romantic date, and this guy is just sitting here grilling me about these 80s movies, and the fact that I didn't see them, and it makes me feel bad. Yeah, I have seen people treat other people as really stupid when they don't get pop culture references. Yeah, I really take offense to that.

And it didn't just stop with that one movie. He kept making other references, like Beverly Hills Cop was like another one. I don't remember that one. Okay, I want to shame you right now because that was a great movie series. I don't remember anything about it either, yeah. Yeah, but it's so old. I have no interest in seeing these movies. And you know what?

I don't even think they're probably funny either. Not funny? Are you out of your mind? What do you mean not funny? They're hilarious. Yeah, Evan, hang on a second. Vanessa, that's Evan. He's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you.

And usually you're supposed to wait until I bring you into the conversation. But apparently Evan couldn't wait. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. But just like, I don't get this. Like, how can you, like, A, not know that many of them, and B, like... Oh, my God, here we go again.

Why is it a law or something? I don't know all these things. It's not a law. I'm just, like, shocked, and it's just... I don't know. Like, obviously, I'm sure there's things, like,

I don't know about your world that you'd be like, aw, come on. I mean, I'm not trying to, like, make you feel bad. It's just, like... You are making come on. I mean, I'm not trying to, like, make you feel bad. It's just like... You are making me feel bad. Well, I'm sorry.

Well, that sounded sincere. That sounded real sincere. Wow. I mean, I'm really not. It's just like... Yeah, I got that. I was also being sarcastic. You're putting a judgment on me.

You are. You're being very judgmental. Oh, wow, I can't believe this person did it. So it's all the world according to Evan. Like, you know, you don't have room for another person for a relationship if this is the way you're going to behave. Well, I mean, if you watch the movies, you'd change your mind. Evan, why are you so hung up on comedies and films from the late 80s, early 90s?

I'm not hung up on them. I've seen other movies since then but like those are just gems of cinema evan come on i mean they're just movies don't you think you're overreacting these are classic movies that you just need to see like just as a person growing up in america like and and yeah if you were like two or whatever when they came out, then like go rent them or whatever and watch them. Are you really this fired up about it, Evan? I mean, I'm sorry, but who doesn't know Back to the Future? Probably a lot of people.

I mean, I'm married to one, actually. Really? Yeah, he literally, every pop culture reference is lost to my husband. And guess what? I can still love him. I'm sure it really bugs you, doesn't it? It doesn't at all. But he does miss a lot of jokes because of it.

I will say that. Vanessa, are you still there? This is just so ridiculous. Evan, you know it was actually a date, you know? And you really weren't treating me right. So a little advice to your future dates. Don't be so judgmental if somebody doesn't remember or know of all the movies in your arsenal that you insist that they know in order to

be an American. I mean, it's crazy. It's not like all of them, but those are in anybody's basic. Oh my God, I gotta go. I don't want to talk to you. I don't care about your damn movies and whoever karate karate and police movies and whatever the hell it is. All right. Just one question.

Tell me you've seen Home Alone. No, I haven't. Oh, my God. What the? Now I'm losing it. Yeah, that's it. Macaulay fucking Colkin. Okay, Evan.

I'm out. You're living a broken life, Vanessa. I think she hung up. Hello, Vanessa. Did you hang up? Yeah. Evan, are you still there? Or did you hang up too?

Now are you pissed about that? No, I'm here, man. Yeah. Well, Evan, I have to ask anyway, even though she hung up. Vanessa, would you like to go on a second date with Evan? We will pay for it. No, thank you, sir. Sorry, Evan. She said no.

If you didn't hear that. Well, fine. I don't want to go out with you anyway, you shut in. I'm so sorry you had to go out with that psycho. Yeah. I know, right? Dude, Evan, why wouldn't you use that as like an opening to say, hey, that's awesome you haven't seen those. I can watch them with you next time.

I mean, I just, I started out that way. But after like the first one or two where she's like, yeah, I don't know about that. Weren't the 80s a long time ago? Like, just fat crap? Like, it just fired me up, man. I couldn't tell. You don't know those movies? That's like the same as not knowing that Bill Clinton was president

and that he got a b****** in the office. I don't think so. Blame it to me that you don't know that. Wait, what? That happened, Devin? I had no idea. Broken Jubal in the morning. A text message in at 78592 says,

It blows me away that eating a fly wasn't the worst thing that dude did on his date. Seriously. Broken Jubal in the morning. Talking about today's second date update. If you missed it, this guy Evan tried to make his date Vanessa laugh by pretending to chomp at a fly as it was buzzing around their table. And he accidentally caught it with his teeth and then bit it in half. And when we called Vanessa, she told us that Evan shamed her for not understanding a joke that he made about Mr. Miyagi.

Because there's a catching a fly thing in The Karate Kid, if you've ever seen that movie. And he was upset. And he said that she's ridiculous because she's never seen Karate Kid and a few other popular 80s films. He was very upset about it. And there was no second date. Yeah. I mean, he just needs to find another movie lover, I think. Yeah, I think so.

Remember, if you want to do a second date update, just email the show and we will call the person who didn't call you back. Move at 92.5. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers.

So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe Apple Podcasts, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.