Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - 2nd Date Update PODCAST: Suppositories

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

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Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025.

I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from. WFH.com. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal's Second Date Update. Me and the girl on the phone for the Second Date Update today have a lot in common. Oh, no. We're both fitness models. Caroline, have we ever worked together before? Maybe in our dreams.

I don't know. I thought maybe I might have posed as your before picture. I'm a fitness model, but I pose as the before shot. Yeah, I see. Not the after shot. But Carolyn did email in for a second date update. Tell us a little bit about the guy that you want to call today. Oh my God, Kevin. He's such a nice guy. I met him on a dating app and he kind of struck me. Like, I loved his profile, loved what he had to say about himself, and I think the thing that attracted me most was he wasn't a meathead.

You know, I'm kind of used to these meatheads. Like, in the fitness industry, a lot of these guys are jerks. Can I ask, on your dating profile, do you say that you're a fitness model? I do, and in my photos, you can see it as well. Does that really serve you well? Because I feel like you would just get hundreds of replies from the exact guy you said you don't want to date. You know, yeah, I definitely get a lot of those guys that I don't want. But I mean, my body looks amazing right now. Like I worked my butt off literally to look like this. You should see. I'll have to send you guys pictures.

Please do. Of the way I look. So I'm going to put myself out there. Check me out from the front, from the back. I would think, did you hit this guy up or did he hit you up? Actually, I hit him up. Okay. Because I would assume, like as an average guy, if I see a fitness competitor like you on a dating app,

I'm going to think twice before I hit you up. because I'm going to think you're only going to be interested in big buff dudes. That's what I do. You know what? Honestly, I've learned a lot about myself through the process of getting to become a fitness model and the one thing is you have to not care in life. You got to just go for what you want. I go for what

I want. I saw him and I was like, boom, I want this guy. You sound like a very intense person. What about this guy made you say, boom, I want him? First of all, his smile totally like captivated me. And honestly, he was the only guy that I've seen on this dating app that did not have a shirtless picture. That's a plus. And I'm like, I see way too much skin on these dating websites. I'm like, oh, my God, a guy wearing clothes. This is refreshing.

I love how high the bar is set. It really is. It's so different between men and women because guys look for the exact opposite. We're like, oh, gross, she's wearing a shirt. There's no bikini face at all. I don't want to date her. No, no way. Completely.

What did you guys decide to do for your first date? We had intentions of like bar hopping, but we were so like talking so intensely. We never even left the restaurant. So it was an awesome date. I mean, I was blown away. Did you end up with a kiss? Yeah, but not in the most conventional of ways. What does that mean? What does that mean? If you consider, like, putting him in a headlock, kind of. Shut up. Did you just say you put your date in the headlock?

You know what? I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to make his move, and he wasn't going for it. And I had a choice to make. It was either go home and not know, you know, what the kiss was going to be like or go in for the kill, and I went in for the kill. So you put your date in a headlock and kissed him? Yes, I did.

Oh, romantic. Okay, do you think that could be the reason he's not calling you back? He was laughing about it, so I really don't think it turned him off, to be honest with you. And, like, you know, in this day and age and age like the chick should go for what she wants I mean why not but you should take that kiss even if it's by force it doesn't matter I don't think anyone should be physically forced into kissing I mean I didn't throw him down but you know can we paint the picture just one more time here?

Did he know it was coming, or was it just out of the blue? No, it wasn't out of the blue. I mean, we were, like, messing around. I knew he was nervous. I knew he kind of wanted to kiss me, but I think he was feeling me out. And I just was like, I don't have time to wait for this guy. Like, we're adults here. And so I, like, put, you know, like, I pushed him, and he pushed me,

and, like, we're just messing around playing. And then I just put him in a like I pushed him and he pushed me and like we're just messing around playing And then I just put him in a headlock went in for the kill and then you know the kids lasted for a while So it was uh, so he did kiss you back for like a good amount of time It wasn't like he was just wanting you to get off him. No. No, he didn't want me to get off him All right, and how long has it been since you guys talked about a week and a half Okay, like he won't answer my text, you know, and I tried like, you know Nice. All right. And how long has it been since you guys talked? About a week and a half. Okay. Like, he won't answer my text, you know, and I tried, like, you know, playing it cool. Like, when we were on the date, I was joking around with him.

I was a little drunk. We were both a little drunk. And I was like, oh, I could probably bench press more than you. And so I kind of threw him a text. And I was like, hey, when are we going to, you know, bench press together and have this competition? And he's flirty. And maybe he's scared's scared like i'm emasculating is he is he into fitness too because it seems like you're only talking about fitness when you're retelling this story he's like an average guy you know like nice physique tall he's got muscles but he's not into it like i am i'm definitely like

count my macros bring my meals with me everywhere. But I went on a cheat meal. Like I went on the date the night of my cheat meal. So it was like a big deal for me. So, you know, and I kind of broke it down for him. I was like, this is how it works. This is how I hit my macros. What the hell is a macro?

It's like a nutrition thing. I mean, it's macronutrients. It's basically like your proteins, carbs, and fats divided in percentages per day. That sounds like a horrible date topic to me. But okay. Yeah, they're still self-confused. All right, well, we're going to play a song. Come back and get your second date update, all right?

Awesome. Thanks, guys. Okay, hang on. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's second date update. All right, here we go, guys. We're almost to the end of the second date update. Just push a little bit more. Only a little bit longer to go

till the second date update is over. Just going to need you to listen for about 10 more minutes, okay? Push, push. Just 10 more minutes. We're almost done. Push, push. Just 10 more minutes. we're almost done. Push, push. Just ten more minutes. It's always fun.

Push, push. We're almost to the end of the Second Date Update. Okay. Caroline, how you doing? Caroline on the phone. How you doing? Hey, I'm hysterical right now. If you don't understand why I'm doing that, Caroline is in the fitness industry.

She's a fitness model. And today she wants to call a guy named Kevin who she went out on a date with. And he is not a fitness model or involved in the fitness industry at all. As a matter of fact, he doesn't really work out. And that's what she was looking for. So she was excited about the date. They went out. She did get a kiss at the end of the night.

But it was not in the most conventional way possible. Can you recap that for me one more time, Caroline? They went out. She did get a kiss at the end of the night, but it was not in the most conventional way possible. Can you recap that for me one more time, Caroline? Well, he wasn't really going in for it. He's kind of being a chump. And so, you know, I started messing around. We were pushing each other. And then I just put him in a headlock and gave him a kiss. Sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Yeah, I dig it.

I wanted what I wanted. So now he's not calling you back. We're going to get him on the phone and find out if something went wrong on your date. Are you ready? I am so ready. Okay, here we go. Hello? Hi, is this Kevin?

Yeah. Hey, Kevin, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Okay, who is this? Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show. You ever heard of it? Maybe.

How did you get my number? Well, I got your number from a listener of ours, actually. They emailed us about you. What? Yeah, there's somebody who listens to our show, has been trying to from a listener of ours, actually. They emailed us about you. What? Yeah, there's somebody who listens to our show, has been trying to get a hold of you, but you aren't calling them back, so they asked if we could get you on the phone and find out why you're not calling them. Her name is Caroline. Oh.

And you guys recently went out on a date. Yep. Did you like Caroline? She emailed you about... Yeah, she liked you enough to actually email a radio show to get you on the phone and find out why you're not calling her back. That's a little bit of a compliment, isn't it? Yeah, no.

I really was hoping that she wouldn't call me back. Oh! Okay, so you don't want to get a hold of her. No, I really was hoping that she wouldn't call me back. Oh. Okay, so you don't want to get a hold of her. No, I do not. What was so bad about the date? I just, I got myself into something I was not prepared for. Really? What do you mean?

Well, I mean, you know, we met on this dating website. And, you know, like they say, it's too good to be true. And that was one of the worst two hours of my life. Why was it so bad? The whole thing? The whole thing. It just did not start out on the right foot. She did tell us how she put you in a headlock at the end of the date and forced you to kiss her.

Oh, that was not fun, but I was over it way before that. Really? Really. She swore that you kissed her back for like a long time. To try to get her away, she was holding me. You're like, all right, fine, I'll kiss you then. Might as well. So at what point were you over the date with her then?

I was over the date within the first 10 minutes, I think. How could you be over a date in the first 10 minutes? That means that you're not even giving somebody a chance. No, well, we were going over the menu, and the whole time she's talking about how it's her cheat night and how she's got to get her macros and micros. She just, you know, every single item on the menu, she's talking about its nutritional, you know, value.

Yeah. And she goes into her bag and whips out this, like, little blue pill. And she handed it to me. And I go, what is this? And she said, it's a suppository probiotic. Did you just... A suppository probiotic?

For her or for you? For me. She wanted you to take a suppository? I've known this girl for 11 minutes. And she hands me a pill and tells me to shove it up my a**. What did you say? I kept saying no, and she just kept insisting that I take it.

She's like, here, try it. It's really good for you. And I'm like, no, no thank you. So after I finally made it clear that I wasn't going to take it, she says, well, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom to take mine. So she leaves, goes to the bathroom. I'm sitting there wondering if she's being serious. Then comes back saying, oh, it's so much better.

I feel so much better now. Let's eat. Let's have a fun date. Describe that exchange to me again. That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. She hands me this pill, and she goes, do you know what this is? And I said, no, I don't know what it is. And she goes, oh, it's a probiotic

specially designed to help promote healthy colon ecology or something. It's colon digestion if you are listening correctly. Hey, Kevin. That's Caroline. She's actually on the other line. Caroline,

you were supposed to wait until I called you into the conversation. Yeah, I could. I honestly, I couldn't even wait. I was I was tapping my feet over here. Like, are you serious right now? Oh, my God. Really? I was nice enough, first of all, to share my stuff. I mean, that's expensive stuff. OK, it's for your digestion. It's for your health. I was just trying to be nice and share my knowledge and share what I know. And, yes, it was my cheat night. And, honestly, I wasn't going to ruin my digestion for a date, okay? Somebody that I only knew for 11 minutes.

Look, Caroline, if you want to go take a suppository, go right ahead. Go to the bathroom. You don't have to tell me. You don't have to encourage me to join in. I know, but I was just trying to be nice. Okay, you were asking me so many questions about fitness and you were letting me talk about it. No, no, no, no. You were talking about fitness incessantly. So I was being polite and asking you questions because it was obviously what you wanted to talk about. Well, no offense, but how do you think my body got to look like this if I didn't do all of the things I was talking about?

It's good for you. That's why I offered it in the first place. It's gross. That's why I said no. Will, did you really not see a problem with asking someone to take a suppository? Thank you. I offered it. Okay?

I offered it. I was nice enough to pull it out of my bag. I let him know what it was about, what it was for. Those suppositories, I make myself at home. Okay? And I keep them in my bag whenever I know I'm going to have a cheat meal. You make them yourself? Yeah.

That's so weird. Yeah, I make them myself. What's wrong with that? She makes her own butt pills. That's impressive, Caroline. Homemade suppositories? Yes. I make them myself because I'm trying to make a fitness line that I want to push, and this

is like my baby. This is my number one genius idea. Okay? So I've been working on it really, really hard. So Kevin, she was just trying to share her love of suppository supplements with you. That's all. Why can't she push it at the gym? Why does she have to push it over cocktails? I just, I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, look, you know, for my profile that I'm into fitness, I'm very heavy into it. You know, I'm not talking about the fitness. It's one thing to talk about

fitness. It's another thing to try to get me to put a pill up my butt. That is a good point. I offered to put it in there for you. I don't understand what the problem is. Hey, Kevin, would you like to go out on a second date with Caroline? No. Are you sure? You're positive. Final answer. I don't even want to go out with this guy anyway.

Kevin, you are just not the person that I want at all in my life. So no thank you. Caroline, maybe in the future just take it easy on the suppositories For like the first 20 minutes You know what? I'm not going to change who I am for anybody So I'll just make sure I look for somebody That is as into fitness as I am And that's it

Like I will not change myself Alright I will bring those suppositories And I'm going to make a lot of money You go girl You do you Alright, well I'll find you a date Caroline Text in right now 78592 If you're not scared to put a pill in your butt right, well, I'll find you a date, Caroline. Text in right now, 78592,

if you're not scared to put a pill in your butt on the first date. I will hook you up with Caroline. Broken Jubal in the morning. Thought I'd end up with Sean. Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes.

More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will, too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics

Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards' Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.