Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Boat Fished

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

We’ve dealt with catfishing on this show, but today’s Second Date might be the first case of BOATfishing in recorded history!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

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Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rappaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Second date update. You guys feeling the warm breeze in your hair right now? I'm not, but I want to. I mean... I feel it in my head. The sand stuck in your bikini bottoms?

I know. The wet splashes on your face of what I hope isn't contaminated lake water. Oh, bro. How are you making this dream a nightmare? We're just going to get right to the second date today with one of our listeners, Alan, because he's one of the smart people. He took his date out to a place that was difficult to quickly escape from out in the middle of the water. Oh, my God.

Isn't that right, Alan? I'm scared. Yes, that's absolutely correct. Yes. Don't own it like that, bro. Are you all trying to say you went boating? Is that what you're trying to say? I think so, Brooke.

Yes, I did take my date on the lake. Okay. Okay. And what's your date's name? Her name is Erica. Okay. I met her on Bumble. On Bumble.

Yeah. I mean, how was your guys' conversation? It was great. Well, first of all, she's gorgeous. Of course. And she's fun. And she likes to have a good time. She's outdoorsy, which is great because so am I.

Okay. All right. Makes sense. Everything is matching up between you and Erica. So we met up at a lake and we went kayaking. Okay. All right. That's fun.

So she shows up looking like a supermodel in her water attire. I mean, so hot. It's such a fun date. I love that you planned and you put some activities together. You thought about what she liked. I mean, I bet she was stoked. Definitely.

And I brought a couple of beers just to relax because it's our first date. We had a great conversation. We went on the kayak. It's the kayak for two. Oh, even better. I was going to ask. Yeah, it's very romantic.

I don't know why in my head I was picturing a kayak for two like her sitting on top of his shoulders while they paddle like that sounds like a romantic type of activity have you been kayaking before uh the fun type of kayaking yeah but do you feel like you were able to connect with her while you guys were out there we had great conversation you know i made her laugh and you know we were out there for about like an hour and then her arms got tired you know so we went back in you just made her paddle the entire time yeah pretty much okay so we're like i was actually kind of happy just because it was hot out and i was getting sunburned so i didn't really mind so then we took paddles to um the shore i mean i'm sorry we paddled to the shore. I mean, I'm sorry. We paddled to like, you know, we left the lake.

And then. Okay. I don't know why you sound so weird. Wherever the ground is, it's not a beach. Okay. Okay. You found land. Alan, I can tell just by your voice that you're sounding a little bit nervous right now.

Going pretty quick, buddy. It's okay. I mean, you must have just really liked Erica a lot. Yeah, I did. I really did like her, and I was hoping for a second date. How did you end it? I mean, you said you paddled to the shore, and then what? Yeah, so we paddled to shore, and then I

actually got stuck in my kayak, so she actually had to drag the kayak and me out with her poor, sore arms. I felt so bad. She held me out like I was a dead fish. I gotta say, that's not a sexy look

to leave on. It was embarrassing at the start, but at the end we both had a really good laugh about it. Okay. At least you were able to get on the same page. It's funny, I just picture her trying to put canola oil all over your body, trying

to slip you out of your kayak hole. It was actually olive oil. I'm glad that you had some type of oil. I always bring some type of oil with me. Good man. I can't tell if Alan's joking or not.

You're joking, right? Maybe. I don't know. Alan's joking or not. You're joking, right, Alan? Maybe. I don't know. So since that date happened, have you been keeping in touch with Erica? Like, how's that been? Well, I mean, I texted her and no response. And then I went back on Bumble and I was trying to get a hold of her, but nothing. It's like dead silence.

I don't think it was because she dragged me out, and I was a person on Baywatch. Well, that's what I was going to ask. She had to pull you out physically. Was there any other physical contact? A hug, a high five, a kiss, anything? It'd be hard to do a hug when you're so slippery with the oil. Slipped right out.

No kiss. No kiss, you know, because I was a gentleman. But we did give a hug. I couldn't get that close to her because my life jacket was bulky. Oh, you kept the life jackets on for the hug. The game was actually pretty successful, even though it sounds like it might have been an epic fail.

I feel like, yeah, maybe next time, like half hour kayaking and then maybe go get food and a drink or something as well. He brought two light beers with him. What do you want? I did, I did. I brought a couple of light beers. like half hour of kayaking and then maybe go get food and a drink or something as well he brought two light beers with him what do you want i did i did a couple of light beers and a box of cheez-its that we were like throwing at each other oh nothing wrong with a box of soggy cheez-its you can't argue with that so i don't know what's wrong with this girl erica we're gonna call her and try and figure it out.

We'll get to the bottom of it with your second date update next. Second date update. I can't stop thinking about the awkward life vest hug. Arms sticking straight out. The sound of wet cloth plastic rubbing together. Just a lot of squeaking. Like two dolphins trying to french kiss i mean not the most romantic ending that we've ever heard on the show but that's how

alan ended his date with erica poor allen after they spent about an hour together out on the lake and so ever since then she's been ghosting him And Alan wants our help to turn that life vest hug into a lifelong relationship. Oh. I see what you did there. I love this. You will. No, let's stop. Alan, how you doing, man?

Good. You know, I was actually just thinking, maybe when she pulled me up on shore, I might have looked less manly. And I'm pretty manly. No, I agree. Pulling a guy in a life vest out of a kayak doesn't sound hot. It's literally hers, like, okay, come on, buddy, let's get you out of the kayak.

Nothing screams testosterone to me like being pulled out of a kayak. He's like, grab the oil! No, yeah. Maybe she saw it differently. It just sucks that that was like your last impression, too. I mean, I know that you guys got to laugh about it, and that's cool, but like that's But I just checked my Bumble account, and I can't find her.

I think she blocked me or she just unfollowed me. Oh, you're kidding. She just unmatched people. So that's probably what she did. Okay. So she's going to really look forward to this call from us. Yeah. Let's not speculate anymore.

We're just going to call Erica and see what she has to say. We'll ask her exactly how manly you were. Okay. You shouldn't say okay. I'm going to dial her number right now. We'll see what she has to say. Let's do this. Hello? Hey, is this Erica?

It is. Hey, Erica. name is jeff from the radio show brooke and jeffrey in the morning how you doing uh i'm good i'm sorry where are you from we're from a radio show it's called brooke and jeffrey in the morning on every morning yep you can also get us on podcast on spotify if you want to look us up there. Oh, okay. Sorry, what do you want? We want to ask you a little bit about a date that you went on recently with one of our listeners. I'm trying to help our friend. Yeah, something we do call a second date update. Do you remember going out recently with a guy named Alan?

Oh, Alan? Alan's a liar? That guy is the biggest liar. What? He's a liar? Whoa. You mean the manly man that you pulled out of the kayak? I wouldn't say that. We didn't need to do that.

She's laughing. Oh, my God. Dude, that is such a... I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt, Erica, but that is not what I think any of us expected. Like, we talked to Alan, and he was... I didn't see liar written all over him by any means. He seems, like, very wholesome.

I don't think he could get away with a lie. And humble. Wholesome, humble, hunk is how we read it. Oh, so then he continues to lie to you guys too, and he's totally fooled you then. What, is he like some player or something? Like, what are you saying? No, I wouldn't go for that.

Okay, what was your take okay well so on his profile like he talked about you know his boat how he's on his boat all the time yeah so like when we started talking he invited me out on his boat okay not a dumb kayak he just said i have a boat which everyone perks i mean alexis i would go on a boat but i wouldn't go on a kayak wait you thought he meant boat boat not man-powered boat yeah of course like a boat with a motor okay i mean but why does that matter like he's cute right that's for sure it's disappointing why does it matter like for every reason possible first of all his picture is the way he like has them pray it looks like he's for every reason possible. First of all, his picture, the way he, like, has them framed,

it looks like he's on the water, but he kind of cuts out, like, I don't know, the kayak part. Oh. Okay. So you were expecting to be out on some, like, yacht. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, one where I don't have to paddle.

Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, were you able to get past that initial shock like he said he brought some beers and you guys had a good time i didn't want to be completely rude and like we're out there anyway so i was like okay i'll get on this like we'll do it and we're out there for like an hour and my arms are on fire i didn't expect to be doing a workout this day and finally we get back to the shore and he gets stuck in his yeah yeah he told us that part of the story and I don't want to sound super judgmental here but doesn't it seem a little bit superficial no but that's the only thing

that you're interested in no no I'm saying you okay i'm planning to have a fun summer like not on a kayak you can twerk on a kayak trust me it takes a little extra balance but you can pull it off you want to go kayak it with jeff yeah and uh you know it's like kayak was a no-go right from the beginning yeah of course why wouldn't you just tell him that i don't know he seemed very excited about the whole thing. I didn't want to, like, burst his whole bubble. And I was like, look, again, I mean, then I don't have to work out later. So it just was fine.

You don't have to work out later. Fortunately, you didn't burst his bubble then, but you burst it now because he's on the other line listening. Wait, what? Yeah. Alan's been there the whole time and wants to talk to you. Are you are you saying you're not gonna go on a date with me because my kayak is not a boat technically you look up in the um dictionary a kayak is technically a boat

alan have you been listening she doesn't want the kayak i know but i'm just saying technical terms i wasn't lying kayak is considered a boat. Is this the first time we've ever done a second date where somebody got boat fished? I did get boat fished. I don't know what we're talking about semantics. I want a guy with a boat. I don't want a kid at the camp

experience. Newsflash, Erica. I just bought a boat. A 24-foot boat. A 24-foot boat. Are 30. Did you just make up a bunch of words 24-foot boat. A 24? That I can call our 30. Did you just make up a bunch of words and then put boat at the beginning? Wait. What did you say? You said it's a 20-foot?

You said it's a 20-foot boat? It's a 24-foot Bennington Bolt R30 boat. What? Is it a yacht or not? What's the number? What's a half boat, half horse? So I don't know the name, but I do know it's 24 feet. I bought it online.

It's used. I think it's called a Beddington called boat. No, you don't have to keep pronouncing it. I don't know. Are you being serious, Alan, or were you just Google searching boats for sale while you were listening to Erica? Oh, I got one the listing is pending and I think I'll be the highest bidder Erica To be boat owner as long as the bidding goes through come on

Erica picture picture yourself sitting on a Bennington Colt full 24-footer R30. Doesn't that sound hot? R30? That is a big difference. No, the model number is an R30, not the size. You guys don't know anything about boats. Excuse me. Oh, man.

I forgot we were talking to the boat expert. But, Erica, I mean, you talking to the boat expert. Yeah. But Erica, I mean... Does that change anything? You said that you only want to date a guy with a boat and it sounds like he's about to own one.

Look, first of all, I know a little bit about boats and I actually... Those are real. That's a real boat. See? Yeah, I just Googled it

and it says that boat gets all the hot chicks. Oh! Oh! That was a Google. I didn't know they put that in the boat description. It's a good selling point. Erica, it sounds to me like this is kind of a match.

You know, you're looking for any man who owns a boat and he is a man who owns. Two boats. I think. Yes, technically two boats. You can rig it, ride, string them together, and next thing you know, you've got a party in the back. I mean, I think if Erica doesn't say yes, I think Alexis is down. Oh, yeah, I'm ready.

Erica has two choices. Erica has two choices. She could date a hero like me or a zero like the Bumble, other people, because they don't have a boat, and I do. She found you on Bumble. What do you say, Erica? You want to go out with the hero? Because we'll pay for it. Look, I'm not just saying this because we were out on the water,

but this whole thing sounds fishy. Boat puns. Yeah. You don't believe him, huh? It sounds like while we were talking, he just jumped on eBay and put a bid on a boat. Yeah, he's like $3. It doesn't matter how I got a boat, I'm getting one.

Yeah, that's true. He's a man who sees what you want and he gets it for you. He's he's like $3. It doesn't matter how I got a boat, I'm getting one. Yeah, that's true. He's a man who sees what you want and he gets it for you. He's trying to deliver, dude. That's the type of person that you want to end up dating. A man that can get stuck

in two boats. Oh, no. Dude, honestly, I can't wait to see him try to back that down. But, Erica, we need an answer. What do you say?

Will you give Alan one more chance? I mean, if you throw in some, like, spf 50 for alan like i'm interested i'm not promising i'll go on it but i'll i'll see it you'll look at it i feel like we're used boat salesman she's gonna come by and look at the boat congratulations alan we got a woman within viewing site of your new boat it took a lot of effort and time i thank you guys but i think we

got a yes that wasn't a yes it was as yes as your ebay boat is right now my mind it's a yes okay good for you brooke and jeffrey in the morning as much as i want to can't really call that one a successful second date i mean they're they're going to get together again. But what is that next meetup going to look like? He's going to be standing on his boat waving the ownership papers over his head like, over here, see? I own it. It's a lady magnet.

And she's just going to be standing on the shore with three of her hot friends like, what do you girls think? Is it worth it? Yeah. I mean, my worry for him is he just bought a boat on eBay. Like, do we know it think? Yeah. Is it worth it? Yeah. I mean, my worry for him is he just bought a boat on eBay. Like, do we know it floats? Yeah. Right.

It could be one of those fixer-upper type of deals. Yeah. It could be trailered for a long time. Yeah. You know? And he's not upset. That's the thing. He just leaned right into this.

It just goes to show the true power of owning a boat and what that does to young women absolutely i can back that high quality relationships is that what you're saying yeah that's not quite the words i would use but something magical happens there for sure exactly and uh if you ever want to get a second date update you can email the show we'll call the person who isn't calling you back. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Ugh, we're so done with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists,

especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will, too.

Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.