Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update Classic: Dating Periodically

Episode Date: September 9, 2023

The woman in today’s Second Date says she has a ONE SENTENCE TEST that always weeds out weirdos on dates… You can hear what it is for yourself in the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh, my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. Get out! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan. Binge the whole season on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Second date update. And most businesses want to have return customers who keep coming back for more, like restaurants and salons, dentists. Of course. Not us. No, wait. Yes, we do. No, we like to be used and abused and then tossed aside. Oh, no. Because the whole goal of this segment is to try and get people to go on dates that hopefully go the distance.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. So that they don't have to come back to us because we're the last resort. We want them to end with us and go get married. Exactly. And if we have a return customer, that means something went wrong and it was probably Brooke's fault. What? Yeah.

Always. Today, a guy named Eric has emailed us again for help. And this one's extra disappointing because Eric was actually on for an update update a while back. Oh, he made it so far. He told us him and a girl named Samantha hired a designated third person to go to concerts with them because they didn't like the same music. Oh, I remember that. He was into, like, old music, like the Beatles or something. I think she was into the old stuff and he was into the new stuff, like 21 Savage.

So then they had someone who would go with each of them. Separately, but Eric is back. Eric, was it Brooke's fault? Hey, guys. No, no, no. It wasn't Brooke's fault. Okay. How long did that relationship last with the girl you were on with last time?

It was a little bit over a year. Oh, I still count that as charity success. That's a solid relationship. Yeah, right. Well, so what happened with you and Samantha? Well, honestly, I probably should have saw it coming, but it was one of those nights where, like you guys said, we all three of us went out.

Oh, no. And essentially after that night, I basically found out that she hooked up with our third wheel. Oh. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, did you hook up with him, too, out of revenge? Yeah, that'll teach her. Yeah. No, gosh. Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, did you hook up with him, too, out of revenge?

Yeah, that'll teach her. Yeah. No, no. I mean, yeah, it kind of sucked, honestly, because, like I said, we went about a year, and I was feeling pretty... Okay, but you're back with us, which means you're back on the wagon. You're dating again, right? Yeah, yeah.

I linked up with a new girl. Her name's Carrie. Okay. Wait a second. First, you went out with Samantha. Now you're going out with Carrie. You're dating the whole cast of Sex and the City? Oh, I didn't get it.

I never watched that show. Next is going to be Charlotte. She's the one that stays committed, so we'll hold out for her. But tell us more about Carrie. Where did you meet her? Yeah, we met on Tinder. Went on our first date, but that's why I'm calling you guys, because I haven't heard back after our first date. What did you like about her on Tinder?

Well, first thing was her Tinder handle was pretty funny. I actually loved it. Oh, okay. Good humor? Yeah. Okay, I didn't know you had those on Tinder. I'm not on Tinder, so I don't know. I mean, there's not handles, but some girls will use fake names.

Okay, what was it? Yeah, it was it? Yeah, it was soft apricot. Soft apricot. Interesting. Is that like a small peach type of thing where it's like maybe little booty? Is that what she means? Oh, Brock, that's smart. I didn't even think of that.

Does it mean something? Well, I never really got around to that because we haven't been on a second date. Oh, okay. That's not the first thing you asked. Just like a woman that mentions fruits. What was it like in person with soft apricot? Well, it didn't go exactly how I planned it out in my head, but we started going out to a nice restaurant, obviously,

one of the first dates. I don't think that's obvious at all. I think that a nice restaurant is setting the bar high. It actually is. You know, I've tried to do that. A lot of people don't want to do something super nice the first date. Too much pressure. What was her, you know, vibe at the restaurant?

Well, you know, honestly, we didn't really get the vibe too well because when we got there, it was just a bunch of, like, fire trucks surrounding the place. And we couldn't even get in. Oh. Did you, like, complain to the manager? Yeah, you still tried to get seated. Like, dang, the food is spicy here. Yeah.

We want the no smoking section, please. That's so funny. That sucks. That's awful. Did you pivot? What did you do next? So I took her to this other restaurant that I remember was not too far from there. Okay.

And we were able to get a table. Sweet. Sat down. And then, of course, our server comes over. He's like, hey, guys, by the way, we have a private party coming in at like 8. And so you got to hurry up and eat. Yeah, it was like 7.30. Oh, come on.

They're already saying they're going to rush you out? Yeah. Why wouldn't they tell you that before you already saying they're going to rush you out? Yeah. Why wouldn't they tell you that before you even sit down, you know? I don't know. By the time we ordered, we would have had like 15 minutes to eat. Oh, no. So did you leave? Well, yeah.

I said, hey, you know what? Let's just get it to go. We'll go back to my place. Oh, smart. That's the pivot he really wants. I do feel like this stuff shows if people are actually fun or not like when you have to be spontaneous yeah and you're getting her back to your place that's it's kind of bold to say right away because you haven't even had a meal together yet well i mean

she did say yes she was pretty comfortable with it okay hey great so how do things go back at your place well uh i didn't mention that when we got our takeout food to go, obviously I rushed that, so it was cold. It wasn't good. Yeah, it just kept getting worse, so I had to save the day and I ended up cooking dinner for us at my place. Dang! Good, though. That's nice, man.

Did you throw some chicken nugs in the oven? How many Hot Pockets? One or two? Pepperoni type, hopefully. I mean, by that point. It'd be faster. I'd just take it. You're just hungry. Well, I'll put it this way.

She definitely enjoyed dinner, and let's just say she really enjoyed breakfast. Oh. Oh. Okay. So you had breakfast for dinner. No, Jeff. Things happen. A couple other events in between the meals.

Yeah. Let's just move on, I guess. I'm never going to understand it. All right. Just like next question, did you kiss? Wow. I mean, it's a good sign that she hung around for breakfast. She could have just snuck out in the morning if she didn't want to see you.

Yeah. Is that the last that you saw her? Like, what's happened since then? Yeah, that was it. That was the last I saw her. She hasn't really been responding to my messages. And like I said, I mean, when she left the next morning, we hugged, we talked, and she said,

Hey, well, talk to you later. And I was like, oh, this is great. Dang, you must make an awful breakfast. Nobody can screw up breakfast. How do you screw up breakfast? These are over medium, and I said over easy. I'll never see you again. Maybe there's something like, how long ago was that?

About five or six days, but I've texted her and no response. Wow. Well, the human body can go three weeks without eating a meal, so maybe she's just waiting for the next meal. She didn't eat that much, Jeff. I'm really confused. Let's just play a song song and we'll come back. We'll get more clarity when we call Carrie for you.

Yeah, I mean, hey, you guys worked your magic for me before. Hopefully, you can do it again. Yeah, we're like his personal dating service. We'll do our best, man. Hold on. Second date update. You've heard of brunch, combining breakfast and lunch. But Eric served up Drek-Fist, update. You've heard of brunch, combining breakfast and lunch, but Eric served up Drek-Fist.

The dinner-breakfast combo. Okay. Jeff finally figured it out. I don't think he did. I think he thinks that that was a meal. Was it Brinner, not Drek-Fist? No, but that kind of sounds better. It was dinner, dessert, Jeff. Yeah, sounds like

they were both snacking. Sleep and then breakfast. Eric, you can cook dessert too? Good for you, man. You must be a pretty good chef. I do okay in the kitchen. I don't think we were talking about the kitchen. I'm a fan.

They literally just ate meals the entire time and did nothing else. But anyway, the problem is after their date, Carrie is not calling Eric back again. And so we're going to do it for him. Yeah. I mean, we did so well with Eric the first time. You were in what? A year and something relationship with the girl?

Oh, you're taking all the credit for the year? I mean, yeah. I mean, sure. She cheated on him eventually, but we're not going to take credit for that. No. That was all her. Sorry to bring that up, Eric. Yeah.

Yeah. I hate cheaters. her. Sorry to bring that up, Eric. Yeah, yeah, I hate cheaters. Yeah, sorry, buddy. Okay, let's just call Carrie and see what she has to say. Here we go. Hello? Hey, is this Carrie? Yes, who's this?

She didn't sound like she was that sure. She sounded very sure. She said yes, Jeff. Maybe she's just skeptical of us calling. Terry? That's the one. What's up? You're on the radio right now with Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

Why am I on the radio? Great question. Good question. You're actually part of a segment that we're doing called A Second Date Update. We're trying to help out one of our listeners who you went out with recently named eric okay it sounded like a really nice night yeah sorry it's really weird i was expecting him to have a radio call me um well he wasn't planning on it yeah you haven't been hitting him back up so he just wants our help to understand what's going on because he knows, you went to a couple restaurants

that didn't end up working out. Yeah. So you ended up going back to his place instead, and he cooked for you. Yeah, that was really nice. Okay. So you enjoyed that. His cooking was good, his company.

What'd you think? Is he listening to this? I don't want to, like, say anything mean. I don't know who's listening. A lot of people could be listening to this? I don't want to like say anything mean. I don't know who's listening. A lot of people could be listening to this. To be honest, people know when they call into our show what this is all about.

So they're prepared to just hear it. Okay. Then, I mean, yeah, he was really nice and he cooked really good food, I guess.

That is mean. I wouldn't want to hear that either. No, that's good. I mean i mean yeah it was just like i don't know there was something just like missing a guy that can roll a bunch a guy that can cook what'd you say jeff none of salt no sometimes you actually need vinegar not salt oh yeah but no that's not the point, everybody. We're saying is everything sounds great. What's happening? What was missing?

It was like the, I don't know. There wasn't much chemistry, I guess. Why would you stay the night then? Yeah. Yeah. You wanted a good night's sleep? You had dinner and breakfast. Oh, okay.

So he told you about that. He just said he had dinner and breakfast. Oh, okay. So he told you about that. He just said he had dinner and breakfast with you. Yeah. Yeah, no shame. It sounded like you guys had a lovely night and you hugged before you left. Don't worry. Even if he tried, Jeff wouldn't have understood what happened. Yeah, I'm still not really clear.

All that I'm clear on here is that you're saying that there was no chemistry between you guys, even though you spent all that time together. Right. I mean, he was really sweet, and I did enjoy our night. But I don't know. The next day in the morning, I don't know. It's just, like, awkward. The, like, chemistry wasn't there.

It was just really uncomfortable. Can you give us an example? Like, how is the chemistry off? So, okay, I have this kind of test that I do with a lot of guys to see. It's kind of like a measuring stick to see if I vibe with them. Oh, come on. That's not fair. Don't say you bust out of the measuring stick.

I use one of those, too. I'm sorry, but I get the best in Brock. Very important tool of the trade, my friends. Not that kind of measuring stick. Okay, what do you mean? So I said a joke and he didn't laugh. Okay. Oh, I hate that.

Well, if it's not funny, sorry. What was the joke? Can we know? No, it was funny. It is funny. Okay. So I said, did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? Okay.

No, I didn't hear. It went okay. Because the chemical symbols. I wouldn't even know that. Is it O and K? The symbol on the periodic table is a K for potassium. For potassium. For science jokes.

Was it your chemistry was off or your chemistry jokes didn't land? She was so literal. Actual chemistry. Both, honestly. And I don't know. I was so literal. Actual chemistry. Both, honestly. And I don't know. I just feel like it was not clicking. I need someone that laughs at my jokes and likes science puns.

Well, maybe it just took him a while to get the joke, and there's a chance that he finally understood. It may have finally clicked, and we can ask him right now, because he's been listening on the other line this entire time. I knew it. Oh, my God.

Oh, look at that. You are smarty pants. Eric, are you there? Yeah, I'm just confused. Oh. I thought you'd still be laughing. Can you explain the joke to him so that he's not confused anymore, Carrie? I don't think it's the joke.

I mean, I get the joke now. It obviously took me a second during the date, but... Okay. When I said I was confused, I'm just... I don't understand that. She says we had no chemistry, but, you know, you stayed the night, and we had breakfast, and we had a good time.

That just doesn't make sense. Yeah, but, like, that's just, like, hooking up. You don't need really... You don't need chemistry for that. Oh! I mean, you don't. You don't need to stay for breakfast, then. I mean, you don't. You don't need to sleep for breakfast. I mean, I can understand that.

Ouch. Okay. But we did have downstairs chemistry. Oh. Bro, you're a little late on this one. We kind of glanced over that already. I think Carrie's talking about like the mental stimulation, right? Carrie, like you want someone that can go toe to toe with you in a conversation.

Sure. But I think I think to keep up. I think Eric had a good question. Like, was the chemistry there in the bedroom? I mean, it was OK. I get it. Oxygen and potassium. Back to that.

All right. Not many jokes. Oxygen and potassium. Back to that. All right. Not many jokes. Both you're losing. Yeah, the third or fourth time, it really hits hard. Yeah. Okay. That's just weird to me, because I feel like we were vibing all night, obviously. We had some hiccups, but we were still there getting along.

I even changed my handle on Tinder to Little Kiwi. I mean... No, you didn't! Oh, really? Is that getting you more matches? Wait, I don't get it. What is that? What's Little Kiwi?

What do you mean you don't get it? You know, to match your name, soft apricot, Tinder, remember? Yeah! You guys are both bruised fruits. Yeah. I don't think that really matches. Those are just, like, two different fruits. You guys are both bruised fruits. Yeah. I don't think that really matches. Those are just, like, two different fruits. See, this is what I'm talking about.

This is not, like, this is not chemistry. Wait a minute. Come on. What's the joke behind soft apricot, then, if he didn't get it with a little kiwi? I'm just, like, kind of soft and petite and cute, and I don't know. I just really like apricots and i don't think it's

a joke well my god he's a little green especially when it comes to comedy hey there you go that was funny oh was it i was i was just saying words i'm glad they were funny and now that you know we have the i feel the chemistry happening now. I don't. I don't either. Let's just try it. You do? You do.

At least in this room we got the chemistry going. I'm seriously confused. So let's try it. Carrie, we'd like to send you and Eric out on another date, and we will pay for it. What do you say, okay? That's a callback. I like it. I'm sorry, Eric.

I think you're great, but I just don't think we're a match. I don't think we should go on another date. It's an N-O. Okay. I think that's iron. Isn't that iron and oxygen? I don't know. It all just sounds like the dullest element.

It's Waroreal. Well, we've officially made this the worst second date update we've ever done. Did you guys not hear my Boreal joke? I did not even on the table. It is. Oh, yeah. Nice. Oh, God.

All right. We all lost our chemistry. There's no chemistry in this room whatsoever. Oh, sorry. Okay, well, I'm sorry, Eric. We failed you. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I guess I'll just try again and maybe stay away from the fruit handles or something.

Yeah, take your name back. Hit us up again, bro. Things are going to turn out okay. Okay, it's the fifth time you say it. I thought I would try it. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that?

Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan. Binge the whole season on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.