Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Corpse Kiss

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

One of our listeners refused to do things the easy way, and after he complicated drinks with his date, he thinks he knows the reason she’s not calling him back! We’ll see if he’s right in your Second Date Update podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where SportsSlice comes in. I'm Timbo, and every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the biggest moments in sports and giving you the real story behind the headline. And we're going straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to hear. Listen to Sports Slice on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

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I'm Michelle McPhee, and I've been unraveling the strangest criminal alliance I've ever reported on. A Mormon polygamist and an Armenian businessman. Multi-million dollar house, Ferraris and Lamborghinis, private jets, a billion dollar fraud. But how long can this alliance last? Tell me what you know. Is somebody coming after me? Listen to Kingdom of Fraud on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged.

It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle. So great.

Listen to Superhuman on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, it's Wednesday. We have a brand new second date update for you. And in case you missed it yesterday, we talked about how we had a live, awkward Tuesday up on our YouTube, African Jeffrey. And just some comments from it I wanted to read. A dirty hairy Sicilian said, it's strange how your appearance exactly matches what I expected. Super strange. Almost too strange.

Wait a minute. Stop looking at me like that, okay? I'm married. No, no, no. Happily married back off. Great, now I have to tell my wife about this. Wait, wait. If we look exactly how you imagine,

I bet you are the hairiest biggest guy ever. Your name is Harry Sicilian. Dirty. Dirty. There you go. See, look at us looking at each other. Kids are getting awkward and sorry for causing marriage problems. Yeah.

Warning to anybody else who goes and watches it. But for now, we got your brand new second date update right now. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update. You know, you hear a lot of women say, why are all the good men either taken, gay, or dead? Nope. But we have one eligible guy who's apparently none of those things. Wait.

He's not calling from beyond? No, he's just confused. Not confused in that way. Confused about why he's not getting a call back after his date. His name is Colin. Colin, can you confirm? for us that you are not taken gay or dead? Yes, I can confirm.

I think more importantly, can you confirm you're one of the good ones? That's the biggest struggle. I think so, yeah. Okay. Well, we're going to, since you're such a good guy, we'll try to help you out here. Tell us about the woman that you went out with recently. What's her name? Her name's Paige.

Oh, Paige and Colin sound cute together. Is it like a couple's name? Where'd you meet her? Tinder, actually. Are people still doing that one? We haven't heard about Tinder in a minute. You know, it's always been about Hinge and Bumble a lot lately. Well, that's where all the good guys are going now, is to Tinder.

It's like come full circle, Jeff. Yeah. The thing is it's so successful, usually, that they never have to ask for second dates. Oh, that's what it is. It just goes well immediately. But apparently not for you, Colin. Why? What happened? That's a good question.

Why do you help? He's like, let me throw it back to you. We had a great date. I mean, we went to split. Mulligans. It's like kind of an Irish pub kind of place. Good name for an Irish pub. Why did you choose there? Or maybe you did it. Maybe she did. No, I picked

it. It has this great happy hour menu so I thought it would be a cool, like, kind of casual spot. Probably got good fish and chips. Yeah. Is that what you guys had? No, we actually, we just had like a happy hour pizza. We shared it. Oh, even better. Pizza had an Irish mark. You know what to do seafood first days?

Let's hear about Paige. Yeah. That was definitely a microwaved pizza. Those are good, though, at bars. They are. They're really, really tasty after you've had a few drinks. What is it saying, Dejornos on it? Tell us, tell us more about Paige. She's really cute.

She has a great hair. Like, that's kind of why I liked her picture. Wow. Don't laugh at him, Jeff. No, I'm sure. The hair was great. Anything about her personality? Yeah.

Does personality even matter if you've got locks like Rapunzel? Yeah. No, I don't care. I want to know about the date. No, it was fun. Like, we had a great time. I mean, like, I ordered drinks, ordered pizza. And then I kind of, like, settled up.

And then she said, you want to get another drink? And I was like, yeah, sure. Like, do you want, I mean, maybe this is it. I was like, do you want to, like, get the second round? And she was like, yeah, sure. Oh. Oh, you asked her to pay for the second round of drinks. Huh.

Yeah, I mean, she said she wanted to get into the second round. And I just said, okay, you want to get it. I mean, I don't know. It was totally, like, not a thing in the moment at all. Like, she was, like, totally cool with it. Okay. Okay. So she seemed cool with it.

But Alexis, what do you think? If a guy asked you to pay for the second round of drinks, how would you react? I mean, if it's like naturally, yeah, but the way he said he didn't make it a big deal, but the way he's telling us now, it feels like he made it a big deal. I don't know that. Did she shift at all? Did her energy shift at all after that? No, I mean, like I said, we were like, let's go somewhere else, and she was totally into that.

I mean, then she was there before me. So when we were kind of like getting up to leave, I said something to the effect of like, I thought like you were going to be taller. And I don't know if that, like, made her. angry, but it shouldn't seem to. I just, I don't know, I'm trying to, like, I'm spitballing stuff here. I'll tell you. That sounds like a joke, though, bro.

I wouldn't dwell on that. As a short girl, I love giving tall girl energy out. So that would actually be a compliment to me. Yeah. You forgot. I was like, oh, God, you're so short. He didn't say, like, those are sensitive. Yeah, he said, I thought you'd be taller.

That's all I said. I mean, and she was just like, no. I mean, we kind of just laughed it off. And then we did go to another spot together. We went to this place. It's like an arcade kind of art. Oh, that's fun. Did you request a stool for her to play the video games?

I mean, she's not that short. I just thought from her picture she was going to be tall. I mean, it would have been a funny joke if you had like brought around, like a little like child stool for her to stand on. I thought the tall girl energy is fun. That is just now making fun of someone's hype. Now I'm bullying. It's like the joke should end. Okay.

Yeah. There's stills back there. I'm, okay. Can you see you over the bar to order? Yeah. We're done. We're done with the day. Apparently it's good that you didn't do that.

I give you a drive home, but I don't have a child booster in the back seat. You tell Brooke has been bullied many times on death. A lot of traumas coming out. So how was it at the arcade? I was totally fine. I mean, we had a few more drinks, which I paid for. We, like, played some games. It was totally cool.

And then we were leaving. I walked her back to her car. And then she's like, let me drive you back to where your car's parked. And I was like, okay, sure. Well, I was going to go. I mean, we kind of shared a little pizza for happy. When I was still hungry, I was like, I'm going to go get a burrito. Are you still hungry?

And she was like, no, but I'll take you. So she took me, we like swung through. I got a burrito. And she didn't get anything? No, I mean, I asked her if she wanted some. And she was like, no, I'm good. What? Well, if you just had a pizza like an hour ago, it is a little.

I mean, it was like a small, happy hour pizza that we shared. Okay. Something changed. I feel a shift. Yeah. If you like someone, you'll order food even if you're not hungry. No, I didn't mean that. Especially if they're paying.

Yeah. It's interesting though, like she is still adamant about driving you. So she still wants to be around you more. Yeah. Like, because that would be an easy out for her to be like, peace. Yeah, for sure. I thought so. And then we like kept talking and everything.

I mean, like, texting each other or? No, I mean, like, we kept talking while she was driving you. Oh. After I got the burrito. And then I did like lean in for a kiss. She kissed me back. Oh, a little post burrito kiss. I get it, Colin.

This sounds like all great. Have you even tried to call her? I mean, I texted her later, like, had a great time with you, you know, like, let's do it again. And she was just kind of like, yeah, okay, like me too or whatever. And then when I've like tried to set something else up, she just hasn't even responded. Weird. Well, it is weird, definitely. But there are two sides to every story.

I mean, I wonder what she has to say about why she's not calling this good guy back. I don't know. I feel so accusatory, Jeff. Like, he did something wrong. It could just be that she has a lot of options on Tinder. I'm not accusing anybody. I just want to know what she has to say. I don't know. The way you narrowed your eyes, I didn't take it that way.

Okay, short queen. Yeah. Brooke's got a little tall girl energy. I know. Coming at me. Let's see what Paige has to say if she even answers the phone when we come back and do your second date update, good guy edition right after this. Hold on. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

Second date update. We already talked about the saying, why are all the good guys either taken gay or dead? Yeah. But there's also the saying good guys always. finish last. So which one is it, Jeff? Are they all happy and taken? Or are they all sad and losers?

Exactly. The second one is definitely where our good guy, Colin, is feeling right now. After he went on a, what sounded like a pretty solid first date with a woman named Paige, they hit up an Irish pub, went to an arcade, got a burrito for him, not really for her, but there was even a kiss at the end of the night. So how is it possible this good guy is getting cold shoulders? Wow. Colin, if you were to guess the one thing that's holding page back, what do you think it is? I don't know if I was a guess, I'd probably say it's just the Tinder thing. There's just a lot of people on Tinder.

Like maybe she's just seeing other people. I don't know. It's like notoriously the hookup app. I mean. No, but they do have that saying. Why are all the good guys always on Tinder? So, Alexis, you wouldn't be on Tinder if you were looking for more than one date? No. In any defense, I've seen many girls that have a whole bio that's like looking for love, swipe left if you're here for a hookup. Maybe she wanted something else out of this date, Colin, and you didn't give it to her. I think what Alexis is saying is she just wanted a hookup, you guys.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, and then she's done with it. Yeah, she didn't get what she was after when she was on the date with you, Colin. You're not a... You're not a... You're not a bad idea because she was adamant on driving him. And usually that's your first step into getting them back to your place. Yeah.

Colin, did you do like the kiss and walk away? No, I mean, we were in the car. We were in her car. and we care. I mean, I would have been down, you know. You were eating a burrito that doesn't scream I'm down. Well, let's see what the actual reason is if she picks up the phone. We're going to call her right now.

Let's see how this goes. Here we go. Hey, Paige. This is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Hi, Paige. The whole show's here. Hey. What's up, Paige? Hi. I'm glad you're a big listener. Yeah. Hey.

Sorry. Wait, wait. What did you say? We're a radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey, and we're calling you right now because there's a rumor going around that you're dating guys and then not calling them back afterwards. It's just a rumor. It's just a rumor. Waiter put her on the defense immediately. That doesn't sound. It's not a rumor. Well, there is a guy, apparently, that you're not calling back.

I'm so sorry. I'm so confused. What is this? I don't have a lot of time. When people aren't getting a call back after a date, we do this segment called Second Date Update. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So we are calling about a guy that you met on Tinder recently, a good guy named Colin.

Colin? What? Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. He asked you guys to call me? Well, yeah. Going back to that rumor I was talking about, apparently you're not calling him back.

He liked you. Okay. And so we just want to know from your perspective, like, how was the date for you? because we've heard his side of the story. Um, okay. Can you just use a word to describe it to start with? Sure. I mean, it was whatever, I guess.

Whatever. That's not the best word. Why do you say that? You know, he's cute. Okay. But from the beginning, the conversation wasn't really flowing. Oh. He actually brought up that he usually dates younger girls.

Ooh. Which, like, number one, that's rude. why would you say that on a date? Wait, are you older than him or something? Maybe by like one year, but we're basically like the same age. Okay. And then he also, like two, number two, he asked me to cover a round of drinks, which is weird because he asked me out. We actually heard about this.

He told us that he asked you to do that, and he thought that you were cool with it. Well, I mean, I guess I was just like whatever with it. But my mantra is broke boys and never. in. Oh. Oh. Okay. Harsh mantra.

A mantra is usually something you say over and over again to like pump yourself up or lead a different type of life. Yeah. It's usually an uplifting sort of statement, not like a broke guys suck. But why do you think he's broke? I think that from the sounds of what he was saying, it was more like. It was your turn. Yeah.

Like he paid for drinks and it sounded like the pizza too. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, don't you think it just feels like if you ask someone out on date, you should. be the one. So are you saying it comes down to him asking you to cover the second round of drinks? That's why you're not calling him back? No, well, there was like, there was more, you know, we, we went to the arcade, which was okay. But he commented about my height at one point, saying, I thought you had, I thought you had model legs from your Tinder picture. Oh, whoa, whoa.

Oh, whoa. That was his quote? Model legs? Yeah. It's like, I'm short and my legs are something I'm into care about. So it's like weird for him to be like, I thought you had model legs. And basically saying it turns out you don't. Oh, that's a bad timing. It's interesting because he's bringing up the same moments as you as like touch points on the date when we talk to him. But his versions are very different. So in a way, there's two sides to every story.

Yeah. Yeah, that's insane. So we got the younger women. We got the pain for the second round. Yeah. And he got the weird backhanded. And him not being aware that he said all of that stuff, rude. But the thing is that even if all that was like not to your liking, he said at the end of the date, you kissed him.

Yeah, we did kiss, but he also had just finished a huge burrito that he was eating in my car. And I was trying to kind of end the date. So I was like, okay, I'll just be nice. And then he kisses me. And like, no lie, you guys, it was like kissing a dead body. Like, oh. Why is that a turnoff exactly? Oh, God.

So it was just... The burrito and the kiss? There was no energy on his point or movement or anything. Like, I don't... Yeah, like, this guy on the kiss, like the morgue or something? I don't get it. Well, Jeff did say all the good guys could be dead. A lot of them are.

There you go. Okay, well, a lot of points are working against Colin, clearly. That's probably a hard thing to hear. But definitely. Nobody likes to hear that your kissing sucks. And he did hear that page because he's been on the other line of this phone call listening, waiting to talk to you. It's not your fault, No, he's not.

Do I have to? Yeah, he's already there, Colin? Oh, my God. Wow, ouch. That's pretty harsh. Oh. Hey, she didn't know you were missing. Yeah, I don't know.

Like, you're actually saying that, like, you're mad that I asked you to buy the second round of drinks. I mean, you wanted to get another drink. We're just going to forget the kissing. The kissing like a dead guy doesn't bother him. Yeah, I mean, the kissing thing bothers me. Okay, that wasn't great. But, like, I'm not a cheap skate.

I paid for everything else. Like, you're acting like, I'm, like, broke guys finished last. I'm not. No, I don't think that was the mantra. What was it again, Paige? Broke boys never win. Yeah, break boys never win. And he's not broke.

That's what he's saying. Colin, sorry to, like, go out of order here, but do you want to defend your kissing? Screw that. I mean, there was, like, nothing going on. I mean, like, kissing her was, like, kissing somebody on life support. Like, she wasn't giving me anything. Okay. Oh, my God.

You're both bad kissers. But you liked it so much you called us for this. I think his feelings might be hurt. Okay. Yeah. Hurt kissers. Yeah. There's so many sayings and mantras that are coming out in this segment.

At least you got a kiss? I don't know. Why would you ever want your first kiss to be a kiss where you've got like half a huge burrito in your mouth? Oh. A little extra flavor on the kiss. I don't think it's a terrible thing. I offered you if you wanted some.

You said no. I feel like this is devolving. Like we're concentrating in all the bad things. things. I don't even know if there is a good Yeah, sure. He was cute. That's it. Remember the dating site where they met where honest love happens every single time? It's like

a rom-com. I see. Tinder. True romance happens here. I'm probably done with Tinder, actually. If this is what was going to be like, if it's just like girls like her, then I probably will never use that app again. Oh, bro. Honestly, wow. This is not sounding good. It sounds like you two are on

totally different pages right now. But you know what two pages make What's that, Jeff? A book. Yes, they do. I would go with a pamphlet. Some sort of reading material that could get you through some portion of time. And I would love to pick up that pamphlet and read more of it as we send you out on a second date.

I think he wants to go out with someone with model-esque legs. So I'm not bad. That really hurt her. Yeah, Colin, that was kind of rude. Yeah, you know what, though? I do. I do want to go out with somebody with model-esque legs. Oh, wow.

Okay. Good luck, buddy. All right. So you're rescinding your invite, and I guess that means there's not going to be a second date for Paige and Colin. Yeah, I mean, you would have had to pay for it because he's broke, remember? No, I'm not. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

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Pride. Pride. Feel it all year long. Let's go. With IHeart Pride Canada. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman, help make you funnier.

This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and headwriter, Streeter Seidel, help an Acapella band with their between songs banter. There's the worst singer in the group. The worst? Yeah. Me. Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard,

you only got in because your parents made a huge donation. The group. The yard birds, right? That's the name. The Harvard yard, but they're open. Do you have a name suggestion? We're open. Since you guys are middle age.

Just one erection. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Humor me. I need some jokes to make me seem funny. Fun update after that call ended, we got an email from Collins saying he wishes he was gay or dead after that experience. And he says, why not both? He says if any of our listeners actually bulls, believe the accusations made against him that he kisses like a corpse,

he is more than willing to defend that vigorously. Okay. So anyone who laughed at him he just wants to make out with now? Yeah. He'll be wrong. That'll show him. The main point is he's still a fan of the show at the end of the day. So we got what we wanted out of this whole experience.

I know, but now he's going to go overboard. And instead of having dead lips, he's going to be way overactive in that kissing. Colin, my man, if you're still listening, there's a fine middle ground. You'll find it someday, okay? With that young model-legged girlfriend that you've always wanted. I don't make that part may happen. You get a little bit of something. And we can help you get a little bit of something if you need help in your dating life.

Reach out to the show. We'll call that person who's not calling you back. Go check out all of our second dates. They're up wherever you get your podcast at Brooke and Jeffrey. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest,

SNL's Mikey Day and headwriter Streeter Seidel help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. And nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo, and every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the biggest moments in sports and giving you the real story behind the headline. And we're going straight to the source, the athletes themselves. Their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to

hear. Listen to Sports Slice on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Sliced Life 12 in the TikTok podcast network on TikTok. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kier Games. This space is about Black. men's experiences, having honest conversations that's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you're not to be played with.

And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Michelle McPhee, and I've been unraveling the strangest criminal alliance I've ever reported on a Mormon polygamist and an Armenian businessman. Multi-million dollar house, Ferraris and Lamborghinis, private jets, a billion dollar fraud. But how long can this alliance last? Tell me what you know.

Is somebody coming after me? Listen to Kingdom of Fraud on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.