Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Due The Math

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

We promise you that you’ve never heard of anything like the move a guy pulled to ask out our listener outside a coffee shop. Hear his smooth move coming up in your new Second Date Update!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes,

we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Second Date Update. Is there any way to do the math to figure out

what type of person you're the most compatible with? Is there math for that? Oh, I'm better at math, too. I'm never going to find it. Start with affectionate. Multiply by heavy petting. Subtract two blindfolds. Keep one.

Divide with an overbearing mother. Oh, this is Jeff Math. I get it now. You're going to die alone. Shoot. Every time I try to calculate this, I keep coming up with the same answer. It's just the infinity symbol? It's like time zero any time you add the mother.

Right. Yeah, that's exactly it. Thank goodness our listener Justine found a different formula, and hopefully her results are better than mine, because apparently she's been single for a bit now. But Justine, how's the dating world going for you? Are you also reserving a burial plot for one?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I can hear you laughing through the tears, so that's good. It's alright, Justine. I haven't put my deposit down yet. The funny thing is you're not alone in that. A lot of us are out there with you,

but you said that you figured out some sort of mathematic formula to help you with your dating life. What was that? Yeah, it's like this online test. Oh. And basically you put in all the stuff that you care about, like your preferences and whatever for like finding a partner.

Yeah. And it's supposed to come back with like the percentage of men on dating apps who like fit those preferences. Oh, really? So wait, they also take the test then? No, I think that it probably, I'm guessing it's an algorithm that goes through

and looks at their dating profiles. Is that how it works? Yeah. And so like I started out like super basic. I was like, they have to have a job. They have to like not live at their parents' house, like have a car. Okay. The standards are crazy on your end.

Literally, I didn't put a single thing that was physical, like height or anything. And it came back with less than 1% of men. No way. Just having a car and a job? Truly. Oh, my goodness okay so so you weren't feeling positive i'm guessing at that number or you know that's like very bleak okay yeah anyway i like after all of that ended up meeting this guy named james like just in a coffee shop oh didn't even need the dating app. She ran into the 1%.

Okay. That's kind of funny, like the irony. How did that interaction happen? I literally was just sitting down and I was like scrolling and he comes up to me and he's like, are you accepting applications? And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't work here. Like I thought he was like applying at the coffee shop. Oh, okay.

Were you wearing like an apron or something? No, I guess I just like looked like I was, I don't know. I don't know. Bar, okay. Were you wearing like an apron or something? No, I guess I just like looked like I was, I don't know. I don't know. Barista vibes. Or you're a manager. You know, sometimes you walk into a restaurant or something and you see a manager working. That's a good point. How did you respond to him when he asked

about application? I was like, oh, sorry, I don't work here. And he was like, no, no, like to be your boyfriend. Oh. It was all a lie okay did you like that i mean i thought it was funny but he like fully went along with it and he was like listen i brought my resume i've got like my history and experience and he legitimately like pulled out a piece of paper shut up wait what he had a dating resume yes oh I have to know what was on it. Or is it a move that he pulls on women all the time and he has like 20 quote-unquote dating resumes in his pocket

to hand out whenever he sees someone cute? Kind of like the real world of getting a job. Yeah, she's right. You're working to have them on you. If she liked the resume, who cares how many other people? Like what was on it? You know, like basic stuff. Like he likes going to games and hiking.

But he was like, yeah, if you want to set up an interview, you can just, like, call the number. And I was like, why don't you just sit down now and I can interview you? Oh, my God. That's a great response. Yeah, and it was really nice.

Like, he turned out to be an awesome guy. He, like, offered to literally Venmo me for the coffee that I'd already bought. That's awesome. What a good guy. If you look poor Venmo me for the coffee that I'd already bought. That's awesome. What a good guy. If you look poor here, you probably need this money. What was the hardest boyfriend interview question that you

asked him? Well, okay, so I've actually done interviews at my real job, so I was like, okay, I'm just going to pull some of these. And I was like, what's one thing you don't want me to know about you? You're actually good at this. I like it. Dude, he is so not prepared for this.

Dang it. I would hate that question to be asked to me on a first date. But did he have an answer for you? He did. And it was like ready made. It's like he expected it. And he legitimately said, I pry when I watch The Matrix because I'm scared about the future. Oh. I don't think that was prepared. I'm scared about the future. Oh!

Oh. I don't think that was prepared. I feel like that was honest. Yeah. Yeah. That seems so obscure. There's no way he just thought of that. How did you feel about that response?

Honestly, I thought it was really funny and it was really clever. And, like, because it was so quick, I was like, oh, no, you're serious. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a red flag to you that he thinks The Matrix is actually going to happen in the next few years? There could have been so many worse answers, he said. Yeah. Like, oh, no, you're serious. Yeah. It's not a red flag to you that he thinks the Matrix is actually going to happen in the next few years? There could have been so many worse answers, he said. Yeah. That is so much better than anything.

Okay. So anyway, at the end, he's like, so did I get the job? And I was like, well, we probably should set up like a second interview. Yeah. And he's like, oh, then I definitely got the job. And we kind of like left it off there. And it was funny. And we laughed.

And then he like never called me again what weird i like texted him and made jokes about like hey we need to set up your second interview and it was just silence did you guys kiss or anything or like hug was there a physical vibe no like a normal job interview yeah it's not a real job it doesn't sound like a transition how do you think i got I got hired here? Yeah, that's true. I mean, that is strange, though, because he's the one that approached you. Yeah. He's the one that did the line.

Like, why wouldn't he be going back? But she's the one that took it to the next level that actually made him sit down for it. He probably just thought it was a smooth line and was going to back away. I don't know. But he literally was the one asking, like, did I get the job? Yeah. Yeah. True.

He just wants the ego boost. He doesn't want his ass to accept it. The offer the company gives you isn't good. Or he's got to put in two weeks at his last job. He's like engaged. We've got to find out. There's clearly a lot of options on the table. We're going to find

out for sure what happened when we come back and call James to do your second date update right after this. Second date update. Is there any setting more romantic than a job interview? Yes, many, many, many.

Jeff, it shouldn't be romantic. I don't know, Brooke. I think HR does. You're dressed all nice. You're talking about your biggest strengths and your greatest weaknesses. Okay, Jeff. All of a sudden, what comes out of your pants strengths and your greatest weaknesses. Okay, Jeff. And all of a sudden, what comes out of your pants? Oops.

Oh, God. A resume. No. Would you look at that? I just happened to have that on me. Why is it? Is that rolled up in your pant pocket? No wonder it's so warm.

That's actually kind of what happened to one of our listeners who met a guy recently. It wasn't an official job application, but some dude saw her at a coffee shop and asked, hey, are you taking boyfriend applications? It is so smooth. And he even had a resume in his pants. That's why it's even smoother. In his pocket. Or who knows where it was.

We don't know. Either way, it's kind of sus that he just carries that around waiting to whip out to any cute girl. If that's what he does, but we don't know. He may have done this just for her. Here's the thing. At least he's putting some effort in. Yeah. It did work, and he got to sit down with her

for a little interview slash mini first date. Yeah. By the end, he said he was definitely going to call her, and according to her, he definitely didn't. So I think we're all a little bit concerned that this little shtick he's doing is working too well and maybe he's applying to multiple boyfriend positions all throughout the city there are a lot of openings yeah there's a lot so not a lot of good candidates yeah justine if this turns out

where he actually does this all the time and meets hundreds of women this way how could we make him remember you and have you stand like how do we identify you or do you still even want to go out with him at that point well at least i'm curious to hear what he has to say but yeah i was wearing a green romper i have red hair and glasses okay cute okay i feel like you were the only one that sat him down and actually gave him like a legit interview. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, how could he not remember you? Hopefully.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the word, hopefully. So we'll see if he does remember you and what he has to say. We're going to dial James' phone number right now. Here we go. Hello? Hey, we're looking for James.

Yeah, this is him. Who's this? We are a radio show. Jeff, sorry. What? You fumbled, like, the first word. Thanks for pointing out all my flaws in front of everybody. You know, if you were interviewing for this job.

I'm sorry. We're calling on behalf of our boss, Justine, and apparently you applied for the position of her boyfriend role recently. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you remember that interview? Do you remember that interview? I mean, I remember a few of them, yeah. Oh, Jeff. You were on to something there. That's all right, though. I mean, few of them. Yeah. Oh, Jeff. You're on to something there. That's all right, though. I mean, we expected that. Yeah.

We heard about the move that you pulled on our listener where you walked up to her and you had a resume and asked if there was a boyfriend opening. Is that something that you've done a lot? Yeah. Yeah. I've done that a good amount. Can I guess how many times? Is it 200 times? So many, there's no way.

I don't know about 200. I want to know the success rate. How many of those turn into a date? They do sometimes. I've definitely met some interesting people. Okay. I am curious about that. Before we get to Justine specifically,

what are some of the quirky things that you found out while trying this on other people before um i mean there was this one girl who was an extreme couponer oh um i've never met before yeah that's interesting there's tv shows about people we call them cheapskates but yeah go ahead um there's another girl who um kept talking about alien abductions. So that was really interesting. Was that a turn on for you? I'm curious. Like, it sounds like you're just meeting people to meet weird people.

Are you actually looking for something in this? You know, I don't really know what I'm looking for, to be honest. It's just it's proven to be a great way to meet people. People really respond. Maybe you're looking for a girl who wears a green romper to a coffee shop and has bright red hair. Remember that girl? And just tells you to sit down for the interview right

away when you ask. Oh. Yeah. Thank God you told me what she was wearing because now I know who you're talking about. Oh my God. Wait, other women ask you to sit down for the interview too? How else would we find out the alien stories? That's a good point. My God. So now you remember Justine.

Yeah, yeah, I remember Justine. What did you think? Here's the thing. I do this a good amount, and it's just, you know, it's all over the place, the reactions that I get. But Justine's was like, she was really quick with it. And she was different. Okay. I'll be honest, that kind of freaked me it. And she was different. Okay. I'll be honest.

That kind of freaked me out. Oh, it did? I didn't know how to respond. Because she beat you at your own game, essentially. Right? Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Okay. But what does that mean?

That seems like it'd be a turn on. No. Men don't like to be outsmarted. I was just going to say. How do they ever meet anyone? James, how did you feel talking to Justine like that? Were you scared of her? You know, yeah, honestly, I just.

Scared? I never take this thing seriously. It's just sort of a gimmick. And shoot, for the first time, I felt like, wow, this really could be something. What? You can't let your own insecurity stand in the way of that. You want someone who challenges you, who makes you. Yeah, makes you better. Yes. Well, what let your own insecurity stand in the way of that. You want someone who challenges you, who makes you...

What's your hold up, then? I guess I'm just not used to that. I've never had that happen before. So you finally found her, and you're like, what do I do? That's why you're single, my man. Like, you don't know how to move forward now that you realize you actually like her. Kind of. Like, she might just be quicker

than me. I don't know. I think she is. Yeah. Yeah, that's terrifying. No. I mean, I appreciate the honesty. Yeah. If you think that's terrifying, just wait until you hear that she's actually been listening to this conversation the entire time. It is on

the other line right now. Are you serious? Hey. Hey. Scary Justine. Try not to scream hey justin come on james you were like i thought we had like a banter we we did we did it freaked me out i've never had a banter before you have every right to be like confident and witty and like the guy that i met could like play ball, like he could play chess. And I feel like you're just like afraid of that. But honestly, you, you kept up in the conversation. Great. Like it was,

I really enjoyed our conversation and I'm a little sad, but like, now you're like backing out. I mean, I'm not backing out. I'm just sort of like frozen. Not, I'm not sure what to do. Okay. Okay. This is positive. Now we need to de-thaw you and get you back into action.

Why did I picture him popping him in a microwave? Whatever we gotta do. She liked your energy when you first met, so just bring that back and talk to her. I can definitely do that. More confident than that, though. Yeah.

Justine, I would like that. I would like if we could keep this going. Wait, what? Oh, that sounds kind of timid to me. Let's start. Can you try to say it a little more assertive, please? Put some flair on it, James. Seriously.

All right, Justine, let's do this. All right. Let's do this. I mean, I thought you guys were gonna talk right now i thought we were not in front of you dude you can't ask for interviews you can't apply to be people's boyfriends and then not it's like you put riz on your application but you have no riz yeah show it to us i think you do have riz i think you're just afraid of messing up and it keeps you from being bold.

Like you did really well, but I think you got in your head. I think so. When there are no stakes, it's easy. But now that there's stakes, it's different. Oh, that's actually kind of cute. Well, it's true. There will be stakes if we pay for them because we will offer to send you to a steakhouse. Really? Our gift cards cover that? I like free steaks.

And it's going to be an Applebee's steak. I thought we were going to Sizzler. We'd like to send you guys out on one more date that we would pay for if you're not too afraid, James. Come on, James. Yeah, we'd love that. I feel like if we didn't call

and push you into this, then this date never even would have happened. Yeah. I mean, we don't know that. I feel like we kind of know that. Justine, you're still okay with it? I am open to a second interview. But he honestly sounds, like, pretty different, a lot more timid. So we'll just have to see how a less rehearsed interview goes.

Okay. Was the first one just to show or is it really who he is yeah we'll find out let's put in a real world experience i'm doing the dating math on this just like justine did originally okay and i'm saying this relationship's probably at a five percent chance right now higher than i was gonna give it really yeah that's good unless he says something really smooth right now. I got nothing. Okay. It's a 2% chance. Good luck, you guys. It's Broken Jeffrey in the morning.

Broken Jeffrey in the morning. Does anybody think they're actually going to meet up for a date or did this whole experience just lower his confidence even more? Yo, I think we broke him. I think so. He broke him. I think so. He broke himself. I love this.

A guy who's saying, I'm handing out boyfriend applications, but doesn't actually want a relationship. I know. I'm like, why? Why? He's literally all talk. There's a lot of people that go into something with just their first move planned.

Yeah. And that's all that he has. Yeah, you're right, Jeff. That's exactly what happened. But it's such an elaborate first move. It's so good. It's so good. Why not be into it? I hope they go out again. Yeah, you're right, Jeff. That's exactly what happened. But it's such an elaborate first move. It's so good. Like, why not be interested? I hope they go out again. Yeah, me too. Why do I feel like there's

going to be a whole lot more copycat resume guys out there now, though? All trying to apply for the open boyfriend position. Luckily for you ladies, I don't know how to make a resume. Actually, Brooke, there's a lot of texts coming in at 78592 asking if you have any open positions.

Sorry, awful. Between your husband and Roy. I'm not hiring right now. We'll keep you posted on that. But I am flattered. Yes, very much so. The Bennys are great over here. Make sure to email in if you ever want some help with your dating life.

We'll call that person who's not calling you back and go check out all of our second dates wherever you get your podcasts at Brooke and Jeffrey. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. We're so done with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too.

Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters.

You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.