Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Experiment Gone Wrong

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Today’s call got so out of control we actually had to BAN someone from ever appearing on the show again!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second Date Update. Any dating app that you log into, there's all these acronyms that you have to know for what you're looking for. Oh, yeah. You know, like LTR, long-term relationship.

Oh, Lord of the Rings. Okay. There's DTR, define the relationship. FWB Rings. Okay. There's DTR. Define the relationship. FWB. Friends with baked goods. No, that's not right. I like those. I mean, baked goods are a benefit, but it's really friends with benefits.

Brooke has so many FWBs. Yeah, I did notice that. You know how much I love scones. But what happens when somebody reaches out to us and they're not really sure what they want exactly? They just want to see them again. Oh, that's sweet. I think that's pretty common. That's what Thomas says he's hoping for.

A JWS. Just want to see. I don't like that. I don't like it either. Well, that's what Thomas wants, so you guys have to get over it. We don't get an opinion. Welcome to the show, Thomas. Hey, guys. Hey, Thomas. So I take. We don't get an opinion. Welcome to the show, Thomas. Hey, guys. Hey, Thomas.

So I take it you don't use JWS on your dating profile, right, already? I had never heard that one until you just did it. Okay, good. That makes sense. I think we're making dating history right now. So tell us about the girl that you JWS. It's not going to catch on. So I went out to a bar with a bunch of friends and, you know, at a bar there's

like your crew and then another crew and another crew and another crew. We sort of all knew each other, but like not close friends. That makes sense. But I like that sometimes. You're like, oh dude, this is so-and-so. I used to work with him and his friend and now

you're all friends. Except for I hate it when I'm like, and i don't remember your name yeah you're right so you didn't me on a dating app you met irl yes okay will you not do you don't sound cool if that's what you think that means in real life no i know okay i just don't use that. I don't know. Some people are. I think you sound cool. Some people are. Stop. I did it. Anyway, tell us about the girl that you met, IRL. So this in real life girl that I met, she was kind of cool. I had a friend from another group come over and she was like, hey, there's a girl over there.

She's really interested in you. And she was like, you should really go over and talk to her. Okay. Good wing woman move there. All right. On point. Yeah, well done, wing woman, right? So she points me over to Chelsea, and I go over to Chelsea, and I'm talking to her. And the conversation is, it's clunky at best.

Whoa. It's not really great conversation. Why do you say that? What made it not really great conversation you know why do you say that what made it not a great conversation just the the questions from both sides were very dumb because we were kind of nervous yeah oh do you like music and she's like yeah i like music and then she's like do you like food and i I'm like, yeah, food's good. Oh, man, I've written a whole joke about this. It's so true.

But it's probably that this girl, I mean, usually in my experience with girl groups, right? Like, if you're going to send somebody over to talk to a dude, it's because you're shy. Yeah. Like, maybe she's just shy. And they're just trying to find generic middle ground, right? What kind of food? Okay, let's pivot to this. Sounds like they didn't get there, though.

No. I don't know. Well, actually, I'll be in love. So she was like, let's grab a drink. So we did. Okay. Good idea. And it smoothed things out.

It was pretty good. And then we finished the one, and she's like, can we go back to your place? After one drink? Not so shy now, Brooke. No, it's always the shy girls. she's like, can we go back to your place? After one drink? Not so shy now, Brooke. No, it's always the shy girls. It's always the shy girls you got to watch out for. I need to find a shy girl. I don't know.

I think your did you like food comment really did a number on it. Let's get out of here. Smooth operator. What can I say? Well done. Okay. So you guys leave the bar. Yeah, we grabbed an Uber.

We went back to my place. What are you thinking in your head? Are you, like, stoked? Are you nervous? Where are you at? I was sort of like, okay, well, I guess this is happening. So we get back to my place. I open the door.

And, my God, this lady, she's going at me like a movie level make out. We're knocking stuff off the wall. Dang. I did not see that coming. Knock everything off that table, bro. It was insane. Oh, my God. And then all of a sudden, she just is like, oh, sorry, I can't do this.

And I'm like, okay, well, we don't have to. If you want to hang out, by all means, let's just chill. And she apologized apologized grabbed a coat and left what oh she left yeah that's so weird that she would turn it on like so hot and then immediately flip to cold yeah completely off so i texted her like the next stage i'm like hey you know how are you like like i mean the conversation went back to clunk yeah because i'm sure like when she left originally you're probably thinking okay she's gonna be our b oh my gosh we're okay fml right now yeah really

you guys are getting into this i know you say you don't like it but you kind of like it maybe she like was actually you know how girls say women will say oh i'm not one of those type of girls like maybe she really wasn't yeah you know what i mean like she's never had a one night stand maybe we could speculate forever on the maybes. Let's get a definite answer. We're going to play a song. We'll come back. We'll call Chelsea, and we'll try and get you your second date update, okay? Sounds great.

All right. BRB. Second date update. One of our listeners had a hookup that sounds like it lasted about 30 seconds. We've all been there. It's 10 seconds longer than my average But the difference here is Afterwards my partners usually hang around For an average of two minutes

But Thomas' date though She was out the door instantly Now she stopped the hookup right as it started And said, look I'm sorry I just can't do this I gotta go Which is weird because she's the one who insisted that they go back to his place originally. She initiated all of it.

She kissed him first. She asked him to go back. So now Thomas is just really confused and we're committed to helping him out. Yeah, we are. In fact, Brooke is even willing to finish the hookup with you, Thomas. Look at that, Brooke. Way to step up for our listeners. Good job. Is it going to be

another minute or how long yeah i'm up for whatever you want okay maybe that's the problem you need to play a little hard to get in this game okay i was pretty thirsty bro i know like reflecting on this what do you think why do you think she left? Honestly, I don't know. She seemed really gung-ho, and everything was going great. And I don't know. Is gung-ho the word? Yeah, I can't make that joke. I mean, it wasn't like he had bad breath or something, right? Like, I'm just thinking, like, something may have turned her off.

You know what? I would almost hope it's something simple like that. So he could be like, oh, next time i'll that's true or something you know yeah you can't fix it unless you know i guess do you have bad breath bro do you know no i'm pretty sure i don't i go to the dentist every six months you know the use wow okay that's more than i think everyone here it's a lot all right well uh let's just give her a call we'll see what she has to say if she answers so i'm gonna dial ch dial Chelsea's number right now.

You ready? Yep. All right, man. Here we go. Hello? Hey, I'm looking for Chelsea. This is Chelsea. Hey, Chelsea.

My name is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Hi. Hi. What's up? Hi, Chelsea. Hey, Chelsea. My name is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Hi. Hi. What's up? Hi, Chelsea. Hello. That's Brooke there. That's Jose. That's Alexis. How can I help you?

We're doing a segment on our show called A Second Date Update. That's where we help our listeners reconnect with someone after what they thought was a really good date. You met a guy out the other night. His name was Thomas. Oh. Okay.

Juice. Okay. What'd you say about Thomas? I just said, oh, geez. Oh. Oh. I thought you said juice. I thought it was like, oh, boy.

No. Not that. Oh, geez. Okay. Oh, boy. I'm not sure what to take from that yet, but Thomas told us about the night that you guys spent together, and it sounded

pretty good. Exciting. Very exciting. A little bit of a short night. But it sounded kind of hot, not gonna lie. And so he's a little bit confused about how things ended and why exactly, because it sounds like you took off from his apartment pretty quick. Wow, this is so awkward what the heck yeah but uh also gotta think it's pretty awkward to leave a

makeout like halfway through yeah and now you know days later you're still not responding to him and so he just has a bunch of questions and doesn't know where to get the answers okay okay yeah so we're hoping you have the answer yeah so it's your turn well i really liked him and stuff but he said um like while we were kissing and stuff he said oh i so want to date you and i want to date you yeah i want to date you and this like sort of slapped me back to reality i don't understand are you not looking to date right now that's fine you're not trying to be like oh i can't wait for us to get married it is kind of a weird thing to say mid-makeout on your first hangout now it's like a commitment if they follow through well it's like a bar thing

were you just like looking for like a one night stand, which is fine. Totally fine. Maybe the words came out weird. I think he just meant he was having a good time and he couldn't wait to go out with you. Like, officially. Maybe just don't say anything though during that. Just one letter off, Jeff. Maybe she doesn't want future plans. Yeah. Well, I just

felt bad because I got the impression that he kind of liked me and like, the truth of the matter is I totally have a boyfriend. Oh! Oh! I did not see that coming. Oh, gosh. So, wait, you were cheating on your boyfriend?

I mean, if you want to look at it that way, but how I... Would your boyfriend look at it that way? I'm not sure. you're not sure oh is this like an open relationship well here's the thing i feel like he might understand because really it was for his benefit we've been together for several years now and like i felt like i needed to zhuzh up the situation a little bit. Okay. I don't understand. I think I do, but keep going. Yeah.

So I was just going to, like, you know, go and hook up and, you know, see what's good, what's fresh, what's new. Like, bring it back home, you know? And then bring it back home. So you guys are, like, into boring stuff right now, and you needed new ideas? Is that where you— Yeah, pretty much. I think I'm getting the idea here. So Chelsea, you were interested in Thomas

just from a purely physical standpoint to see what you could learn from him. But when he started mentioning dating, then it crossed the line. Right. Yeah. It's interesting because like talking to Thomas on the phone,

he wouldn't probably be my go-to tutor. No. I don't think so. That is extremely rude, Brooke. It's extremely rude, especially because he's listening to this right now and literally heard that. And he heard everything that Chelsea said because Chelsea, I need to let you know, Thomas has been there. That's okay. I kind of, like, it's good that he hears this because I didn't know how to say it at the time. And, like, I didn't know how to respond to it.

All right. Well, Thomas, go ahead. Say hello. Chelsea, you're a total a**hole. Oh, I did not see that coming either. No clunky words there. Or was that a suggestion for a love movie? Oh, yeah.

Are you into that stuff or no? I'm not going to help you cheat on some dude because then I'm the asshole. No, I don't care what your side is. You need to tell people that. You need to figure that shit on your own. But you don't use me to ruin. No. No, no, no, no, no.

Atta boy. Those are valid, valid points. But she didn't technically go all the way through with it. It doesn't matter. So you'd be totally fine if your girlfriend made out with some dude and then came home and was like, I didn't f*** him. Well, I don't know.

If she came home with a cool new skill because of it, I might be like, oh, well, thank you, sir. Jeff would be like, bring him over. I'd like to meet him i know i know what else i could learn okay look at um you know oh you're a we gotta be careful here we're a family friendly show reign it in if you wanted to find out what happened here it is we don't need to be calling me names yeah you need to apologize for that one i think but get out of here!

Chelsea, you won't say it again. Brooke, you said you wouldn't be a good tutor. I know, but listen. It's the first time she's telling somebody that, like, whatever, keep going. Here's the thing, Chelsea. Why don't you just open with that with any dude at the bar? If you walked up to a hot guy at a bar and you said, Hey, listen, I don't want anything tonight except for this because this is what I want

to learn. I think you could teach me some new things. You're telling me a dude wouldn't turn that, like, no way. He's going to turn it down. You could find eight other guys, though, that would say yes. Absolutely. Eight other guys that would say yes. Like, why not lead with the truth?

I don't hate that idea. You might be right. Yeah, she is right. Not every guy has morals or standards. Some dudes are like, cool, this is the best scenario ever. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like Jose is trying to volunteer to help you out. No, I will never, ever cheat. Never have, never will.

You have morals and standards? Absolutely. I've never cheated in my life. Never will. Relationships are so complicated these days. No, it's not that complicated not to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Exactly. It's not that complicated not to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Exactly. It's not hard.

It feels like you two have a lot of things to say to each other. I don't have anything to say to Chelsea. And maybe that would be a good thing to say when you guys are looking at each other face-to-face. No, Jeff. Over a dinner, perhaps. No, not a dinner, because we can't make it a date. Maybe, like, lunch. I think I'm done with this person, because he just called me me a whore and he can't really step back from that.

No, no, no, no. Hold on. I just said the truth, yo. No. Okay, guys. I'm done. I'm out. That's not working.

All right. Gotta go. It is turning me on when he uses that language, but that's not going to work for this phone call. Jeff, you whore. Get for this phone call you guys stop it brooke and jeffrey in the morning we just got done talking about it in studio and i just want all the listeners to know we have banned thomas from ever appearing on this show again yeah dude i understand he was upset but you just can't go that low, man. You just can't. It's just too low.

It's the first number that we've ever actually added to the show blacklist. But look, he crossed the line. So sorry to any listeners that heard that. And an even bigger apology to our editor, who has to use way more bleeps than we've ever probably had to use before. Editor Ashley, thank you. It's going to be a lot. That type of language is absolutely not tolerated here. Unless we know for sure the microphones are off.

Yeah, then we're like, no. That is not true. It's all the time. All the time. No language like that. Just want to make that very clear. Not even sad that we couldn't get him that very clear. Yeah, all right. But not even sad that we couldn't get him a second date.

No, not really. He didn't deserve it. No, yeah. I mean, the whole thing was kind of screwed up from the beginning. It really was. Yeah, I mean, she's not greatly innocent either, but he took the cake. He really did. So, look, if there's anybody out there with a clean mouth.

Yeah. Or semi-clean. I mean, we go a little dirty. Yeah, sure. Just not mean. Yes. Yeah. out there with a clean mouth yeah or semi-clean yeah i mean we we go a little dirty yeah sure just not mean yes yeah please email our show and we can call the person who isn't calling you back brooke and jeffrey in the morning john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast join late night legend john stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more.

Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.