Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Five Finger Hangout

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Someone’s phone alarm going off in the middle of the date set off the WILDEST part of their entire evening. Hear what it was for in your Second Date podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Second Date Update. Question for Jose and Alexis. What is the quickest that you've ever gone from matching with someone to meeting up with them? Oh, wow. Like a couple days, couple seconds. Seconds. I saw minutes in Alexis's eyes. Hey, cutie, what's up?

I'm here. It depends if I'm already stalking them or not. Probably a week. A week. I would sit around the same. I normally just match to feel like I'm attractive, and then I never meet up. You guys don't just go to the bar and find out who's closest and then figure it out? Okay, we're not that desperate.

We all know both strategies. I never got to do dating apps. I just thought that would always be my plan. Well, I bring it up because one of our listeners, Jack, says he was surprised at how fast he got the green light to see his date in person. Wow. So, Jack, welcome to the show. Hello. Thank you.

I am excited to hear about your date. And then after this, you want to grab a drink or something? That was quick, Jeff. I'm just saying. He's looking for a man that moves fast, Jack. What's the name of the person that you matched with? I matched with this girl named Naomi online. Jack and Jeff sound better. Yeah. but that is also a pretty name and how long did it take for you and naomi to

agree to meet up it was really quick we matched and like within 10 minutes she was asking me to meet up 10 minutes that's a record You must be quite the smooth talker. Either that or it was like 2 in the morning and she was drunk. And Brooke is right. You were like at the same bar and sitting next to each other. I didn't think about that. That's a good question. What time of day did this happen?

This was kind of like early morning and then she wanted to meet up that afternoon. Oh, wow. Cool. I mean, were you excited about that or were you freaked out? No, I was excited. She was really cute and she seemed interested. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Isn't that kind of a red flag, though? Where it's like they instantly want to see you? It's at least like a pink flag. I don't know. Maybe she had a date planned and the other guy bailed and she's like, well, let's fill in the blank. I'll take anybody. I don't have standards as long as it's a warm body. Well she explained that she was like new on the app and she's looking to date someone and I seemed like a nice guy so she wanted to grab a drink with me at

this bar. Okay and you didn't at any point think you were getting catfished? Like too convenient you must be a robot. Yeah that thought definitely crossed my mind but it's not like she wanted a phone number or anything. She wanted to meet up. So I was going to find out that day. Okay. I think it would be kind of refreshing because suddenly you're just meeting with this person and you don't know a lot about them.

Instead of having all of that small talk out of the way, like you have a lot to discuss. How did it go? It was amazing. She was, like, really, really pretty, and she laughed at all my jokes. But we really weren't there long until some alarm went off, and she said she had to go.

What? Wait. What type of alarm? She had set an alarm on her phone, and it was probably, like, 15 minutes of the date had gone by. Was she doing her own speed dating? Yeah, that's what I thought right away. Another guy came in and took your seat?

She's like, I'm going to have to ask you to get up, actually. Well, she didn't give you any other explanation? Yeah, what happened? She's like, I'm supposed to go check out this apartment nearby. Do you want to go with me? Oh, that's great. She does move fast, already asking you to move in? Oh, that's great. She does move fast. Already asking you to move in.

Isn't that weird? I think a lot of people would think that's a fun idea to go check out apartments or a house together on a date. Is that what you thought, Jack? Yeah, it was a little surprising that first she wanted to meet really quickly and then she wants to check out this apartment. So I didn't really know what was coming next. I have a baby to deliver later. Do you want to come with me? Let's go to this tuxedo shop and then go to the church right after.

What do you think? The wedding officiant's waiting in the apartment. That's weird to us, but tell us how it went. Well, we went to this apartment together, and I'm talking with the lady showing her around. So funny to imagine. So Naomi, she loves the place and she actually like gave me a big kiss in front of the apartment manager and

it's awkward for the apartment manager we really need to test this place the floors I mean that had to have been unexpected. What happened next? So we just went back to the bar, and the chemistry felt really good. And she just went to the bathroom and never came back. Wait, what? Why did you say that so casually? We were vibing and clicking, and then she was gone.

What do you mean? I don't know. I don't know what happened. Weird. and then she was gone. What do you mean? I don't know. I don't know what happened. Weird. We knew she was red flags. Just saying. Now it's a red flag. Hold on.

That's so strange. Yeah. Because it's not like she was using you for anything, right? No. She didn't ask for any money, right? She didn't ask you to co-sign on the apartment. She went so fast with everything else. Maybe that's just how long her relationships normally last.

Like she can't go a full 24 hours. It's been 34 minutes. We're broken up. How long ago was that? That was like three weeks ago. And she hasn't called me back or anything. I even went to the apartment to see if she had moved in. That's a little creepy.

I know. I know. But that's the only thing I could think of to try and get a hold of see if she had moved in. That's a little creepy. I know, I know. But that's the only thing I could think of to try and get a hold of her because she wasn't answering. Weird. I mean, so it's been three weeks. This is like a mystery. It is. It's a big mystery. It's a roller coaster, highs and lows.

With the pace that she moves through things, who knows? She probably could have been married and divorced six times over in that span of time, but we'll call her and try and figure out the real reason when we do your second date update right after this. Awesome. Thank you. Alright, hold on, man. Second date update.

We just heard maybe the quickest hangout in second date history. I know I've had a few lightning rounds. And I'm not calling a radio station after those to find out what happened. No, you're just talking about him now? Definitely. I mean, that's a mess for them to clean up.

That's their deal. But one of our listeners, Jack, met a girl named Naomi online. They met up the same day that they matched, saw an apartment together, went back to a bar, and then she disappeared into the bathroom forever. Never to be seen or heard from again. That's so crazy. Actually, some of my lightning rounds happened in public bathrooms. Wow. So don't even get me started on that.

Thank you. I think we're already done with those. It's over. It's been three weeks, though, since that happened with Jack. And we never asked, though, is there anything, Jack, that you think you may have done wrong? Like when she kissed you, did you hold eye contact with the lady showing the apartment? Oh. No, I did not.

Thank God. Oh, maybe you should have. No, I really don't think I did anything wrong. It was a really nice date. How come? No, you don't sound angry. I'd be a little mad if somebody ditched me in the middle of the date. That's humiliating.

I'm just kind of confused more than anything. Okay. Like, if she never gets back to me, I'll just always kind of be wondering what could have happened and what did happen. Yeah. Was she even real? Just like what my lightning rounds think of me. Let's get some answers for you here. I'm going to dial Naomi

right now and hopefully she picks up. We'll see what she has to say. Here we go. Hello? She's there. Hey, is this naomi um yeah hi quick ask your questions okay uh how are you fast i'm not good under pressure uh what what oh no this is like a lightning round what guys come on hi naomi, who is this? Sorry. Thank you for asking a question. I can answer that. We are a morning radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

Okay. And we're reaching out on behalf of one of our listeners that you went on a date with the other day. A couple weeks ago. Three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. His name's Jack. Wait, why are you calling me about him? Well, because

he reached out to us because he's a little bit confused about what happened when you disappeared. And that's what we do in this segment called the Second Date Update. We try and help give some answers to people who have questions after a date. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. He probably does have questions. Okay. So you would understand why he's so confused. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Could you help

maybe shed some light on what went down? Because he has no idea. Yeah, think from his perspective. He had a lot of nice things to say. He thought you were a really great person. Yeah. I think he's a great person. No, think from his perspective. He had a lot of nice things to say. He thought you were a really great person. Yeah. I think he's a great person.

No, he is nice. He's really nice. That was part of it. That was part of it. Good. This is so weird to say. I don't really want to say it. Like, I basically just used him. What? Oh, man.

How? That was like a band-aid just got ripped off i don't understand from what we've heard you guys went to a bar he went and checked out an apartment with you you guys went to a bar again and then you left how is that using him it's it was totally using him it was exactly the thing free drink yeah for? Yeah, for what? If it was just for drinks, why take him to the apartment? I know. That was the thought. I'm not proud of using him. You sound a little proud.

I am kind of proud of my plan. I think I had a really good plan. I don't get it. I don't either. You didn't even get the apartment. He went back there. No, I know. I know.

No, it wasn't. Here's what happened. So that apartment that I was looking at was actually my ex-boyfriend's apartment. What? Oh. So he was moving out. I knew he was moving out. Okay.

And I used to stay there a lot, obviously. We were together. Uh-huh. And I had left a locket, a really awesome locket that my dad had given me there, and he had refused to give it back to me. Oh. I don't know why

exes do this, okay? Total jerk. Like, just a total jerk move right there. He wasn't giving it back to me, so I figured out a way to get it back, which was basically I was going to go look at the apartment but i needed someone to distract whoever was showing the apartment so i could get the necklace why wouldn't you just invite a girlfriend or something no no no that just wouldn't be as fun

so i go online you get joy out of this it's a good plan it's a good plan it was it was it was like sneaky it is very sneaky. Not arguing that. So I go online and I find this guy who seems really nice and truthfully a little easy to manipulate. And he's available that day, which is perfect. That's what I need. And so, you know, I haven't meet me at this bar. We like kind of get to know each other. And then we go look at this apartment. And the only thing I hadn't like thought out, the one little like snafu was that I did not have a jacket with my pockets and I had like no other pockets.

So I'm like thinking on the fly. And at the end of this apartment viewing, I reach in and I like give him a kiss. And I slip the locket in his jacket pocket while I kiss him. I'm thinking he's brilliant. So smart, right? He's totally feeling it. The apartment lady's like, oh yeah, they're such a cute

couple. Also, by the way, if she happens to suspect anything, he has the locket and he gets in trouble and I don't get in trouble. It's smart. It's smart. You always need a fall guy whenever you're getting your stuff back. How would you get it back out of his pocket though? Because you left him.

So we go back to the bar and we're chatting and he hangs up his jacket. I'm like, oh, this is perfect. So I just reach in stealthily 007 style and I get my necklace, excuse myself to the bathroom. I'm out. That is so cold hearted.

That is. It's an extremely intricate plan just to get a piece of jewelry back. I mean, you went full Ocean's Eleven for this locket. Yes, Ocean's Eleven. I didn't mean it as a compliment. Why did you have to ditch Jack? I don't understand. I wasn't interested. I didn't mean it as a compliment. Why did you have to ditch Jack?

I don't understand. I wasn't interested. I didn't want to date him. He's not my type at all. Well, you know what? Don't say that to us. Jack deserves to hear that from you directly. Does he deserve that?

I don't think he does. Well, now's your chance because Naomi, Jack's been listening this entire time on the other line. And wants to hear you tell him off to his face. Are you kidding me? I'm serious. Wow. Hi, Naomi. Oh, my gosh. I didn't know you were on the phone. I don't even know what to say to you. This is crazy. You could have just told me. I would have been down to do the Ocean's Eleven, Brad Pitt and Clooney style. Really?

I mean, honestly, if a hot girl says, hey, you want to help me? You want to help me steal from my ex-boyfriend's apartment? I would have been like, no. But it's not stealing. It's my necklace. Yeah, that's true. I'm not interested in dating him. You.

Sorry. Ooh. I just want you to know, like, I do think you're a pretty bad person. Yeah. Hey, he called you pretty. Naomi, that was nice. Is that what you heard, Jeff? You're a very pretty but bad person.

Yeah. Sorry you feel that way. I just think it was smart. And, like, what? you met up with a girl you got a drink and then that's it like nothing bad happened to you that's a good point i mean jack i am so sorry this has got to be sucky well hold on there's a i think there's an opportunity here you guys are all looking at the negatives here. Jack, are there any items that your ex-girlfriends have that you'd like to get back? Naomi seems like the type that'd be happy to be your accomplice.

Yeah. I am happy never talking to Naomi again, actually. Yeah. Come on, Jack. You don't mean that. Ocean's Eleven had at least two sequels. We do work well together. He didn't know he was working.

Just imagine how effective he would be if he was in on the plan. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think he would compromise it. Yeah. He does seem like he'd be nervous. Jack, I don't think this is a real loss for you.

Yeah. No, I'm picking up on that. I should have really gone with my gut and known it was too good. Oh, my God. Do you realize that's exactly what Andy Garcia said at the end of Oceans when he found out he got taken for $2 billion? Jeffrey. The prophecy is being fulfilled.

It's meant to be. We did it. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.