Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: I Woke Up WHERE?

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

One of our listeners needs our help piecing together his night because he woke up not in his bed, not in her bed, and not even in a bed at all! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I try to think back about the time in people's lives when they partied the most. And I'd say if you went to college, it was probably there. Uh, yeah. I'd say bed.

God, you should see what happened to my GPA when I moved into a sorority house. It's not good. Perfect grades? No. Oh. Weird. I mean, the thing is, even if you didn't go to college, it probably happened at the college frat party that you crashed.

Also true, yeah. That was where you went the hardest. And I know our listener today, David, he didn't go to a college party, but he says he sure raged like he was at one during his first date. David, you sound like my type of guy, bro. I mean, like 10 years ago, you would be. I don't want anything to do with you now, but we're glad to have you here.

Welcome to the show, man. Hey, how are you? Okay. Are you saying this with pride or with shame? Lots of shame, I'll say. Okay. That's where I needed to know where we were starting at. I would own it, but that's okay.

I'm owning it, but I could have made a whole fool out of myself. I have no idea. Oh, you have no idea. You're not sure. That's even worse. Okay, well, what do you remember? Do you remember this girl's name? Yeah, so i do because

she was super attractive to me we matched on a dating app um me and melissa and melissa one of her pictures she had like a oversized band t and you know like a bunch of piercings all the way down her ear okay yeah so i mean she seemed really cool right up my alley like she knows how to party that's what it seemed like. Okay. So you're going into it thinking like this girl can party. This girl's fine. Let's go. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I didn't think she was any kind of prude. Like I thought that we could, you know, ball to the wall. Like let loose and hang and yeah. Can we say that again? Right. Exactly.

Oh, well, it's too late. It's already been set. Interesting. Okay. All right. This girl looks like she knows how to have a good time. So what do you do for your date? We were going to meet up at a bar was the plan.

I got there. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Party girl wants to meet up at a place where they sell alcohol? You knew where this was going. You knew where this was going. I wasn't thinking it was going to be a museum. Did you set up the date when you were talking to her like, all right, let's go party?

Or were you like, let's go have a cocktail at happy hour? It wasn't happy hour. It was a little later than that. But I just said let's meet up for some drinks. It was a press hour. It started off me getting there a little bit early. I was nervous because she seemed really cool.

I wanted to seem cool, so I was getting loosened up. I feel like I'm a little funnier, a little more loose when I've had a couple drinks with me. So you're already ahead of her when she shows up. You know, I feel like I'm a little funnier, a little more loose when I've had a couple drinks. Of course. So you're already ahead of her when she shows up. What is it like when she gets there? It was great.

We were laughing, having a great time. It seemed like we were really connecting. She seemed super duper cool. Good. Yeah. Well. Maybe not good. What happened?

I continued to drink pretty fast and heavily. And we didn't eat. It was around dinner time, and we really didn't eat dinner. No. And also, I don't remember having a single glass of water as well. No. So you got sloppy. You are rookie.

Yeah. I'm with you, dude. Water's for the weak. Yeah. That's right. That is not a cute look. If I want water, I have a Miklob Ultra, you know? There it is.

That is not it. Okay, sorry. Where was Melissa in her drinking? Yeah. I'm not 100% sure, honestly. Oh, no. Dude, it was that bad? Oh, buddy.

What do you mean? Yeah. I kind of browned out, I'll say. I had, like, memories here and there, you know? But I remember us having fun. Like, we were playing, like, playing like shuffleboard like bar shuffleboard uh we had a lot of fun but i wasn't really counting her drinks which maybe i should have tried to like stick with where she was yeah it's usually a good idea one of the last things that i remember is um leaving in an uber

with her or without her yeah i am not 100 sure oh% sure. Oh, no. Oh, dang, bro. She could have been in the car. I can't believe that Uber even let you in. I'm pretty good at pulling off being blackout. My friends will always say, like, what? You really? And it's a shock to them. It is a skill.

It sounds like you have a high tolerance and you drink a lot. Oh, man. But this is still not good. So you made it home? So I woke up in a random gigantic house that I had never seen before. What? Yeah, I was by myself. Didn't recognize anything.

Wait, like a suburb house? Like what type of house? Was it like furniture and stuff or empty? It was furniture and stuff. Like obviously somebody lived there, but it was really, really clean. And whoever lived there is probably pretty well off because it was well maintained and the furniture was really nice. You broke into somebody's house? Was it hers?

These are the questions that I want to know. I want to know the answers to these. That's why I need to get in touch with her. Do you have any photos on your photo gallery or anything that could give you any clues? No, none. I literally freaked out. I didn't know where I was. So I started gathering all my stuff, as much of it as I could. I literally, so I freaked out. I didn't know where I was. So I started gathering

all my stuff as much of it as I could. I think I left my vape there, but when I was running out the door, there was an older woman that was definitely not Melissa yelling at me and I don't really know what she said. So I literally just like busted out of the door as fast as I could and ran down the street. And like, I've texted Melissa a couple of times to kind of like, I mean, yeah couple times to kind of like I mean yeah I'd love to see her again I'd love to take her out on another date if she'll have me but really I just want her to connect the dots and she still has

not responded I want to know these answers too I'd tell you to like chill out and hit your vape but obviously you can't do that I can't do that I'm crazy anxious because i have no idea if i've made a fool of myself like i don't know what i can guarantee you made a fool out of yourself i don't think that there's any question about that it's just how you did it i mean this

is like a regular tuesday night for alexis i go this hard on thursdays actually oh excuse me i mean to be fair exactly i keep it classy yeah we're gonna try and get to the bottom of it we're gonna call melissa and try and get you your bottom of it. We're going to call Melissa and try and get you your second date update right after this. Thank you. Alright, hold on. Second date update. If you're just joining us for the second date, we're

talking to probably the biggest partier we've ever had on the show. At least since Roofer. If you've never heard of Roofer, he's the type of guy who likes to pregame a funeral. But David, who's on the phone today, might actually have him beat. Not with nicknames, though. We need to give David a better name.

We'll come up with one for him. But he did admit that he partied a little bit too hard the night of his date with Melissa. Doesn't remember everything. The weirdest part, though, was waking up the next day in some random nice house in the suburbs where some old lady was trying to talk to him or yell

at him before he ran out and got out of there. He doesn't know whose house it was. He doesn't know how he got there. He doesn't even know if his date was in the Uber, for goodness sakes. And the worst part is he's been trying to figure out what's going on, and Melissa won't respond to any of his texts, which is why he's turned to us for help here.

So I realized, talking to you earlier, I didn't make a mistake. I just realized that Melissa texted me late last night. Oh, what? My heart absolutely dropped out of my shoes because she just texted me, you need to pay for what you did. Oh, no, dude. Was there like a sexy emoji after it maybe? Or was it like an angry one?

There was a period at the end. This could have been a puke in the Uber situation. That's what I thought, Alexa. Alexa speaks from experience on that one. He would have known with his clothes the next morning, though. Maybe he would have smelled it. My clothes did not smell great, so anything's possible.

Oh, sorry. Maybe that. I'm just going to say, get your credit card ready for the end of this call, David. I mean, are you interested in going out with Melissa, really, or do we just want the answers? I would love to go out with her again. I mean, I think that's why I got so drunk is because I was so nervous. Did you hear the last thing Melissa texted? Yeah, I wouldn't plan on the date.

Yeah. We'll try and nudge her in that direction. For now, it's just going to be trying to fill in the blanks for you. We're going to call her. Appreciate it. Here we go. Hello? Hey, we're looking for Melissa.

This is Melissa. Melissa? Hi, Melissa. Hey. Hi. Hey. You sound like you're in a good mood today. That's nice.

Oh, there are a lot of you. Yeah, we're a radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Oh, I know that show. You do? Hey. Really? You. Look at us. Thanks. Thanks for listening. We made it. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning? Oh, I know that show. You do? Hey! Really? Thanks for listening. We made it. Melissa knows us. See, that's weird.

Hey, what's up guys? What's up? Hey, we're doing a really bad phone tap on you right now. It works while we're done. No, we're doing a second date update because apparently, rumor has it you went out with a guy the other night named David.

Oh, God. Oh, yeah. You have to dish, because I just know that there is a big story behind whatever went down on your date night. Background for you is that we've heard some bits and pieces of the night, at least the parts that David remembers,

but we're hoping to get some more. The parts that he remembers? Yeah, it's a little hazy for him, but we heard that you did text him, I think last night he said, saying that he needed to pay for everything. For what he did. For what he did.

But that was so vague. He actually has no idea what you're even referring to. He was on Team Blackout. But he remembers having a good time with you. Yeah, how pretty you were. I don't think that he does remember having a good time with me because... So basically, we had drinks and then... Yeah, so let me tell you what he told us is that he did drink a little bit more than he wanted to.

Because again, he was having such a nice time. And he was nervous. And he was nervous. And thanks, you're amazing. And you're pretty. But the last thing that he remembers is being in an Uber to he doesn't know where and then waking up in some random house. Can you help us figure out where he went? Yeah, or just any.

Maybe, or even if you know. I don't know if you know anything. Yeah, were you in the Uber? I was in the Uber. Yeah, he didn in the Uber? I was in the Uber. Yeah, he didn't even know if I was in the Uber. Are you serious? No. He wasn't sure.

Oh, my gosh. Just tell us the story if you can. Was he a mess? Fine. Okay, so he seemed like he was drinking too much, and I was like, okay, I think it's really time to go. But he could not even tell me his address. He'd be like, yeah, let's go.

Let's go already. Oh, no. Is that a line that you've used before, Jose? Like, I don't know where I live. You better take me back to your place. I live where you live. That's so not cute. Oh, so now you're just babysitting this guy

and you can't even get him home so whose house was it was that your house i wasn't gonna bring him back to my apartment with this like dude on a first date he's obviously like way too drunk yeah yeah yeah smart move so my parents kind of lived near the bar. Stop it. What? Oh, my gosh. Your parents? It was like 1 a.m. I called my parents who were, needless to say, not happy. I'm sure. And my mom has like these figurines.

And he walked in and like my mom went to grab some water. And he like started playing with the figurines. And like he broke two of them. Oh, my God. And he was going to be like sick. water and he like started playing with the figurines and like he broke two of them oh my god and he was gonna be like sick so he like asked where the bathroom was and i like brought him to the bathroom and then he like slipped on a vase and like broke that too oh he was one of those like stumbling messes yeah my mom is like I do not want this person ever in my house again. Oh, no. So going back to your text

that you sent him where you said he needs to pay for everything that he did, I'm assuming that you're referring to all the things he broke in your mom's house? Yeah. Oh, so it's not the Uber.

You broke all this stuff. And like, I didn't know he had no idea it was my parents' house. I thought he knew that the whole time. He's learning a lot of stuff the more that you're talking because he's actually listening to this whole thing.

Wait, now? Yeah, remember how the second dance worked? They're listening on the other line. Oh, I didn't know it was, like, always automatically live. Yeah. Yeah, David wants to talk to you. So let me start my three-part apology by first saying...

Are you so shocked that it was her parents' house? I'm so shocked that she was with me the whole time seeing it because I'm really into you, Melissa. I think that you're very attractive. I thought we had a great time. You're already trying to... It sounds like you're already trying to save it.

I would like to. I mean, had a great time. You're already trying to, it sounds like you're already trying to save it. You're trying to get the, I would like to, I mean, this is the first time that I've woken up in a date's parents' house. That is so specific. Melissa, I'll send you an itemized list of all the things that were broken. And maybe then we can take it from there. Oh,

that sounds like an invitation. I can come over and apologize to your mom. Like, I appreciate everything she did as well. Your mom doesn't want to hear from David? Nope. I'd go over and give her some flowers, but I don't even remember what part of the city she lives in.

That's a sweet gesture. You may want to check. Did I puke in a bathroom in there? No, not this house? Oh, that's a sweet gesture. You may want to check. He's just walking around with flowers around this area. You may want to check. Did I puke in a bathroom in there? No, not this house? Knocking on doors. No, the next house. I'd probably check in on how much money you owe first, David, to see if you have any funds left over for flowers.

Okay, we're dealing with a lot of, like, debt collecting and finance stuff. Let's get back to, like, the love aspect of this, which I'm sure still must exist somewhere. Really? Melissa, is there a chance that you could look past the mistakes that he made on your first date? He was wasted. It's just basically like, if you pay my mom back, then you have integrity and you're a cool person enough for doing that, that then I would consider getting to know you more. But if not, then...

This is going to be an incredible story to tell our kids. Whoa! Whoa! Let's not get ahead an incredible story to tell our kids before you go down that path we would like to offer to send you out on a second date that we will pay for yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna need that after my debt yeah contingent on you paying the mom back first so yeah it's up to melissa i would go out with you if you make it right with my mom okay so maybe you guys could you if you make it right with my mom. Okay. So maybe you guys could exchange Venmos, make it real hot. Deal. Yeah, I'll text you my Venmo after this call. Show me that cash app.

All right. So it sounds like true love is blossoming before our very eyes. Yeah, if I don't know about that, I don't. So just out of curiosity, how much do we think in here? How much do you think that that's going to be? I don't know. Like, I don't know, that. So just out of curiosity, how much are we thinking here? How much do you think that that's going to be? I don't know. Like, I don't know, two or three grand probably. Oh, I told you those figurines, man.

They're probably antiques. That's an expensive second date that David's going to be paying for here. We're going to have to take it out of our wedding. He's not giving up. He's a true charmer. That's the spirit, buddy. That's the spirit. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.