Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Imperfect 10

Episode Date: August 31, 2024

The guy in today’s Second Date said he used one perfect GIF to instantly stand out and it got him a date with a woman WAY out of his league… He’s gonna share his secrets in the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I can't believe we've gotten to a point where you're willingly playing this. It's dead last on iTunes currently. Oh, wow. The thing is, the underlying message of this song is no matter what you do in life, you should aim high. Shoot for the stars, even if you're a weird little sheltered Jewish boy. What's the worst that could happen?

I wish we could just hear more of it without us talking. The thing is, even though that mantra didn't really work out so well for me, because here I am in the dying industry of terrestrial radio, luckily, it did work for one of our listeners named Brett, who says he shot for the moon in his dating life.

It may have actually worked out for him, so let's talk to him right now. Brett, how's it going, man? Hey, what's up guys oh man you big young jeffrey fan did you hear a single years ago and now you're reaching for the stars or what he's the one person that downloaded it but then immediately deleted it before it even finished all right oh dude i got respect like it's true like i do like i i shoot for the moon like i'm always looking for the best for the stars. What does that mean in your dating life?

Well, that's what I mean. You know, like, so when I'm dating, like, I love the challenge of trying to get with somebody that's just completely beautiful, knowing that, like, I don't really deserve them. Well, tell us about the challenging woman that you met. Her name's Hannah. And I matched a 10. Nice. Good for you.. And I matched a 10.

Nice. Good for you. How do you land a 10? What was your secret? Well, like, you know, so I go into, like, my laboratory and just, like...

Your lab? You have a lab for this. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I'm, like, I try to be witty with her. I make some jokes. And I guess the term is courting.

But, like, for somebody who's that gorgeous it's worth it to work for her attention I feel like it's worth it for anyone that you're interested in it doesn't have to be only worth it for tens but okay so it sounds like it's just harder to get their attention it sounds like you use some like witty interesting humor on her and that got her attention yeah and like she did respond with, but it was kind of hit or miss. I wasn't always getting a response from her. Granted, I was a little corny sometimes, but like I was genuine.

Oh, give us an example. Can I hear an example of something you would have said to her? Well, you know. Brooke just wants to be sweet-talked right now. That's why. I told her that she had pretty eyes. Oh, man. She probably heard that a lot.

Where's the funny part? Did that come from your laboratory? It's not mixing with a lot of chemicals. Well, so, like, I sent her a GIF of, like, Steve Buscemi eyes. Oh. I know which one you're talking about, too. That is actually funny. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. So, finally, like, we get to the point where I'm like, okay, Hey, you and me dinner Saturday night. Right. Did it happen? And you know, I'm sitting there kind of like waiting a while and it's just after a while, she's just like, no. Oh, she just turns it down.

Well, I was back to my laboratory and then after like 30 minutes, I get a, another text that she says, no Sunday, 6 PM. And I after like 30 minutes, I get another text that she says, no, Sunday 6 p.m. And I'm like, okay. Hey, alright, she thought about it for a second. So she said no, but then she said yes? Maybe she's trying to be funny? She said no to Saturday, and then a half an hour later, she said, I can do

Sunday. Oh. There we go, alright. You're not quite worthy of a Saturday night, but that's okay. You know, you're getting your foot in the door. A date is a date. So what did you end up doing? Well, so I said, all right, so sushi.

Okay. All right. And then she responds like immediately like, no. Okay. Did she give a suggestion or do you just have to keep going down the list of different foods? No, but half an hour later, another half an hour later, she suggests a place that's by her apartment. Okay. Yeah. She's just

bossing you around, telling you whatever. Yeah. Like, yes, ma'am. It's a power move for sure. Oh, yeah. So, you ended up going out to a restaurant. Yes, we did. What was that like? So, like, I was so nervous when I got there, like, half an hour early. Oh. And I had them, like, set up the whole table because, like, I wanted everything to, but I got there half an hour early. I had them set up the whole table because I wanted everything to look perfect when she got there.

She comes in, so she does not disappoint. She is every bit of amazing as she looks in her pictures. And great at conversation. She only says no. She walks in, and I greet her with the table and i was thinking she says we need to move the table that she can't sit there what what you specifically chose the best table in the house didn't you well i thought i did but apparently she had her reasons i guess i don't i don't know okay i just wanted to make her comfortable so i was like no problem we'll move the table and i

asked her if we could like you know if they're getting everything together i was like, no problem. We'll move the table. And I asked her if we could, like, you know, if they're getting everything together. I was like, you want to, like, get a drink or, like, get to know each other? And she's like, what? You asked her that? Isn't that the whole point? Now that we're on this date, would you like to have a conversation? Perhaps we should have some food. She's going to say no. She said no to every other question you've ever asked this woman. Why would you set yourself up for that? Well, she said that she'd feel more comfortable if we didn't start getting to know one another until we moved the table.

So we just sort of sat there. What does she think she is? Wow. And you're attracted to this still, right? She just looks so amazing. Okay. Okay. All right.

I don't know if your brain's working, but something's working in your decision making. She just looks so amazing. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. I don't know if your brain's working, but something's working in your decision making. So we got it. We got moved to another table. Uh-huh. And she likes the corner spot. And it was great. It didn't really last very long.

Did you ever get to know each other at all? Yeah. I'm trying to sense, was there like an actual love connection, any type of bond at all? I'm with you, Jeff, because it sounds like you just stared at her the whole time. Just gawked and told. No, I mean, I was trying really hard. Okay. And as I was walking her out, I was like, I've got a surprise for you.

Like, I have something for you. Oh. Okay. And she said, oh, I didn't realize, I didn't see kidnapping me on your profile. Oh. Wait, what? What? Is it a joke?

Yeah, she was joking, I think. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Light kidnapping joke. All right. Did you laugh at it? Yeah, I tried to, like, I've been trying to laugh it off the whole night. But I had some flowers in my car that I wanted to give her.

And she thought it was going to be zip ties and duct tape. That was probably a pleasant surprise. She still went to the car. So I gave her some flowers and I asked her if I could walk her to her apartment. And she said no. And I was like, yeah, I get it. Respect her boundaries, right? What can you do?

Of course. I offered. So that's it. I get it. Respect her boundaries, right? What can you do? Of course. I offered. So that's it. I tried to text her for another date, and that's all I got. Oh. Maybe that was your opportunity to actually kidnap her like she wanted. Oh, no. You asked for this.

That's what we want to encourage. She wouldn't show you her house. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to, like, unveil a mystery, but it sounds like she's just a typical girl. Just wanted maybe a nice free dinner. You seemed like a nice enough guy. Maybe she's trying to find love, but you were a no. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, we'll find out, I guess. I think Brooke's right. I think you should have kidnapped her. But one of these answers is right. We're going to call her and find out which one it is when we do your second date update right after this. Second date update. A perfect 10. I don't know if I've ever seen one before.

Hello? Oh, you're right, except when I look in the mirror. That is true. Thank you for pointing that out to me. This side of the room will let us in me. Come on, Wolfbra. Yeah, I think 10 out of 10 if you do the division. That's smart.

Yeah, you got to add them up. I'm fine with long division. 10s are rare, but they do exist and one of our listeners by the way brett says he actually matched with a perfect he actually matched with a perfect 10 online and her name is hannah she's kind of a handful though because she shot down pretty much every suggestion bre had for their date. Changed the time of it, the location, even made them move tables when they were at the restaurant, which might sound high maintenance for a nine or lower, but again, Hannah's a ten. Yeah, different standard. Tens get what they want.

God, wouldn't it be nice to live in that world? Yeah, I wish. I mean, honestly. It really is nice to live in that world. Thank you, no. brad before we get started you said that you've been texting a little bit with hannah but it's been spotty what's the nature of your text with her i texted her i've invited her bowling i've invited her out to the bar tens don't want to bowl no they've got to break a nail exactly but i've given options you

know like i've expressed that I want to see her again. And what is she saying? Sometimes she gives me no's and sometimes nothing. So you're not misunderstanding that she's not interested. You're just hoping we can help you. I see. But the fact that she

is still at least responding at all, I think that's a win. That is such a man thing to say. Well, you got to look at someone else to be positive on this show. I guess it has to be me, the 10. So let's call this other 10 and see what she has to say. You ready to do this, Brett? Yeah, let's do it.

I'm thrilled I haven't been blocked yet. Oh, man. Let's go. All right. We shouldn't get to that point, but. Maybe after this, though. That's true. We'll see.

Here we go. I'm dialing your number right now. Hello? Hi, is this Hannah? Yeah. Who's this? Oh. Hey, Hannah.

Can't answer the phone. Really nice to talk to you right now. My name is Jeff from Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Hi, Hannah. Hi. Hey. Those are some other people that are on the show, but the main person you want to talk to is me. Stop it. My name is Jeff from Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. yourself. It's called a second date update. And we're looking to reconnect you with a really cool guy that you went out with recently named Brett. Hello.

Okay. Do you remember Brett Hannah? Yeah. Oh, you do. Okay. Good. Okay. What kind of impression did he make on you? I don't understand why I would be telling you guys that.

That's a good question. Yeah, so we spoke to Brett about your guys' date, and he had a lot of really nice things to say about you and said he had a good time, and he's been trying, apparently, to arrange a second meetup. And I'm sure whatever the reason is, it's not your fault. You think it's Brett's fault. We're assuming.

I'm just trying to guess. You're so smooth. Hannah, I'm on your side is what I'm trying to say here. No matter what you say, it's right. I mean, it's... Come on. Brett's getting the vibes that maybe you don't want to go out again. That's how like a seven would say it, but okay.

Yeah, I'm just like doing stuff. Okay. Maybe that's great. Maybe you could do stuff with Brett. Okay. I don't want to do the type of stuff that he keeps asking me to do. Like he's texting me about bowling and I told him I hate bowling. And he's just like still asking me to do shit that I don't want to do.

Okay, that's fair. Is there anything you like? Yeah, that's a good question, Alexis. Shopping, maybe? I like dinner, but only because I have to. What do you mean only because you have to? You don't have to go to dinner. Yeah, you have to eat. It's an activity to live.

Okay. If she had a choice, she would never have dinner. What would you do? Is there anything you find fun? It just sounds like you hate everything. I don't hate everything. I just don't like everything. Okay.

You're kind of a pessimist. Don't call me that. You don't like that either? That's what a pessimist is. Here's my situation. I don't like activities in general and I don't like that either. Well, that's what a pessimist is. Here's my situation. I don't like activities in general, and I don't want to do them. So honestly, it's just like if he wants to go out to eat, we can do that. But other than dinner, I'm really not interested in axe throwing or all that other dumb shit he's texted me about.

Okay. I'm so curious what you do all day. Sounds perfect. I think that that would you do all day. Sounds perfect. I think that that would be okay with Brett. He was just trying to figure out some fun stuff that you guys could do together. But take away fun. Don't do fun.

He just wants to find some stuff. Not even stuff at this point. He just wants to be in your presence. While you both don't enjoy it. Do you guys literally have any other questions for me? Because I have other stuff to do. I do have one more question. Would you like to talk to Brett?

And the answer is yes, because he's on the other line right now listening and wanting to say something. Brett? Yo, Hannah, it's Brett. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? I'm fine, Brett. Why do you have these people calling me? Ooh, these people.

No, look, I just, I really like you. I just, I heard a bit of what you said. I just, what do you mean like you don't like to do activities? I just made it super clear. I'm okay with going out again. Honestly, we can do that. It's not a big deal. But I don't want to do anything.

God, she sounds perfect, you guys. Wait, but do you understand where Brett is maybe? I'm a little confused. So what do you do? I just have that. We can eat. But you know what? Honestly, I'm thinking about going on a 40-day fast.

Whoa, that's a long one. I think it can only serve you what you want to do. What do you want? Okay, honestly, Brett, listen. I'm over dating at the moment. So if you really don't want to do it again, like that's fine too. Just no, no. Like I it's whatever I want to date you. I just like, so like, do you want to just hang out and watch TV?

Maybe? No. Listen, if you want to buy me dinner, I need to eat. Let's do that. We can, that's it. And no activity. But TV seemed like a good suggestion, Hannah. Let's do that. That's it. No activity. But TV seemed like a good suggestion, Hannah. That's pretty much not doing anything, right?

TV is an activity, and I already made clear I'm not interested in activities. Brett. Okay. Brett, why do you want to go out with her again? I mean, literally, no offense, Hannah, but you sound like one of the least interesting people in the entire world. We could find you a nice nine, Brett. It's like, what are you going to offer in a relationship?

Hannah, I apologize for my co-host over there. That's a six talking over there. She doesn't understand what it's like being elite. Even with a ten, if you don't have a good personality, what are you? You're nothing. You're a ten, Brooke. You don't have to be anything else. You just exist. It drops you by like half. You don't have to be anything else. You just exist.

Yeah. That's okay. It drops you by like half at least. Okay. Honestly. I don't really understand why you guys talk about 9, 10s, and all these other numbers, but honestly, I really have to go. Brett, is there anything else?

Oh. Yeah. Well, uh. Spit it out. Just say what you have to say, because I'm going to hang up. I want to go out with you again. We can eat dinner. I'll buy you dinner. We don't have to do anything I'm going to hang up. I want to go out with you again. We can eat dinner. I'll buy you dinner.

We don't have to do anything. Like, just whatever. Whatever you want to do. Okay. That was kind of sweet, wasn't it? Hannah, we'd like to pay for you guys to sit in the same vicinity and do nothing. You guys can sit in the dark and just match each other's breathing. All right.

I'm hanging up. Unless that's considered an activity. You're hanging up. Brett, text me. She's hanging up. I think that was a yes from her, though. I think that was a yes. Only if he pays, he doesn't need your money.

They're not a charity. So, I get it. You got the bill on this one, buddy? I got it. I got it. Well, great. This feels so wrong to me. There's a lot of other women out there

It's gonna be like a silent film It's like I like soup He likes soup No she doesn't like anything bro Stop putting likes in her head And even if she did like it she wouldn't talk about it And be careful eating soup is an activity It's dangerously close

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning Jon Stewart is back in the host chair At the Daily Show Which means he's also back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more.

Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.