Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Jolly Old Mess

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

We have a contender for one of the most ridiculous Second Dates we’ve ever done on this show, and you can hear the call right here!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. $1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts.

The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast, the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second date update. Nothing worse than coming off of a first date knowing that you made a mistake.

Oh, yeah, dude. Jose knows that feeling too well. You just brought up a bunch of memories from, like, last week. Yeah. Like, man, I never should have ordered the king crab while I'm deathly allergic to shellfish. Well done. What was I thinking? But it's impressive when you do it because it means you're balling out.

I just keep stabbing myself in the neck with an EpiPen every five minutes. I can get through this. I mean, mouth-to-mouth counts as a first kiss. Brooke is turned on by it. And one of our listeners wrote to the show saying he knows that he messed up, but he's hoping that his date didn't notice. The thing is, once I read what the mistake was, I mean, how could she not notice? Oh, now I'm dying to know, Jeff.

Mitch, welcome to the show. What were you thinking? Well, you know, I don't know what I was thinking. I thought if I just kind of brought in a little, like, added level of elevation that, you know. Added level of elevation? Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. We met on this dating app.

Wait, real quick. Real quick. What's her name? Casey. Okay. Casey is the girl that you met. Start at the beginning. Tell us what went wrong.

Yeah, yeah. So we talked a little bit on uh on dating app you know everybody's on dating apps nowadays and we agreed to meet up we we didn't like waste a lot of time we're like let's just hang out at a local bar near my my house okay that seems innocent enough easy yeah it's good vibe yeah yeah and i had this idea and i don't know i ran it by some friends they told me it was a good idea now it feels like they kind of were sabotaging me a bit okay i thought it might be a good idea to talk in a light british accent for a little bit you always hear the concept that men with accents are sexier and you know yeah couldn't she see on your dating bio that you weren't british well i guess they wouldn't if they don't list that they're british yeah they post only i mean if i had a european i don't know if i was british and i was

on dating apps it would be the first thing i would say do you know how many swipe rights of you around london yes to be fair i don't't think that you need to be British to use a British accent. I don't think women would care if you do a good enough one. It can be pretty bad. Yeah, talk to Britney Spears about how well that works out for her. Maybe he has a great British accent. Can we get a sample of it? Well, I quite fondly live across the pond.

It's not good. I had rehearsed it. In my head, I was killing it. Wait, wait, wait. So you really did it on the date, like from the very start? Well, I was a lot more locked in the day of the date. I was practicing all day. Even when I was going to the gas

station earlier, I was trying to be in character to make sure I had it down. Okay, so we know why she's ghosting you and in britain it's called a petrol station yeah it's true did you say goss he starts driving on the wrong side of the road what was her response when she first heard you talk like that well she asked if i was from there and i said i lived over there just for a couple months like studying abroad oh yeah that's good in bridgerton right wait is that his lie or is

that really true that you lived over there it was a lie okay but that's not the point okay i wanted to tell the story okay so you told her in a couple months you developed an accent. Oh, that's right. And then moved and forgot everything. Do you ever go to Canada and then next thing you know you're saying A after everything? That's not. Not the same. That's a little different.

Mitch, you're a very impressionable young man. That's okay. Can I hear a Canadian accent? Yeah. You have a lot. We've already offended enough countries in this short amount of time. Did Casey buy it? That's what I want to know.

It felt like if she stuck around, she was into it. That's how I played it. So she was sticking around. We were still hanging. Okay. Did you ever reveal your real voice? So about two drinks in, I started kind of letting it slip my normal talking accent, but only in a few like sentence is here and there.

You're like a Mel Gibson in Braveheart, like a couple with an accent, a couple with an American accent. Yeah. Like he turns it off all over the place. Yeah. During like the course of an hour and a half, I probably went in and out of the accent half a dozen times,

but some of the work could go either way. So I kind of thought, ah, maybe she didn't notice certain parts of it. I don't understand. What's the long play on this? Because if you actually like this girl and you want to go out with her again, you can't continue this your entire relationship.

Well, I figured I could slowly water it down until it was back to my normal accent. Because the thought being i had been back in town long enough yeah you're re-acclimating back into the american accent start wearing like cut off shirts and like get really american with it southern accent spit and chew right okay so how did you two leave it so we ended the day and it seemed fine. And then we just kind of went about our business.

So are you prepared to tell her the truth when we call her next? Or are you wanting to keep up this farce? I don't know. What do you guys think? Bro, I think you have to keep going. Look, this is a joke for the first 10 minutes. Then you tell her, just kidding, ha ha. No way, we're a show from the BBC and we all call with a British accent.

You like it? Yeah, let's practice it right now. Oh, hello. Oh, crikey. Oh, no, that's Australian. Sometimes there's Australians. Yeah, the BBC has multiple networks so we're doing it from all over the globe.

We could do it. We're really going to terrify this girl when we come back and scream at her in a bunch of different accents and try to get you. I'm going to make some tea. We're going to do it with your second date update right after this. Hold on. Second date update. This is the news intro from the actual BBC.

Oh, I knew that. This is the news intro from the actual BBC. Oh, I knew that. And I genuinely don't believe that we can actually pull this off. But it's actually more of a moral dilemma for us right now than it is for our listener, Mitch, who's asked us for a second date update because he faked a British accent during his first date to impress a girl. He half faked it. Yeah. The American kept slipping out. So clearly it didn't go very well for him,

and that's why he's reached out to us for help. And now Brooke has suggested that we follow his lie and pretend to call the woman that he went out with named Casey pretending to be from the news desk at the BBC in London. That's right, Jeffrey. We're here and we're on the job, all right? And where? On the job.

What do they call it there? Job sounds too American. Yeah, it does. We're in the office. We're at the loo. Nope. The loo's bathroom. Okay.

I don't think it's going to work. I didn't even say that. I just called it toilet. This might be a disaster, but I have thought long and hard about what to do here. And Mitch, are you still there? I am still there. So I think, for better or for worse,

we should try the British accent. What? I didn't think you were going to say that. For entertainment purposes, it's a pact that we're all making. We're all in it together. We all go down together. Us four, along with our good buddy Mitch.

That's right. We should call him Mitch-o. No, not Mitch. Mitch is American. Mitch is like a flatmate that you've had since college. We need to stop with the accents or we're going to drive all of our listeners away on every continent. Brooke, we're setting rules. You're only allowed four words or else you're going to totally botch this.

Jose. Pip cheerio. No. Okay. There you go. That's three. That's three. Her quota.

Jose, probably even less than Brooke. Okay. Alexis. Unlimited. Unlimited. I don't think they'll know my accent. Dude, thank God for that ex-boyfriend of hers that was British. Okay.

Mitch, we're willing to do this for you. We just have to be from some sort of British radio show, and we're doing a segment called The Second Date Shag Off. I like it, Jeffrey. Mitch, are you fully regretting the decision to call into this radio show today? Is this a terrible decision? Are you guys kidding me? This is awesome.

Let's do it. I don't know why Jeffrey sounds like a male Mary Poppins. I love it. Very formal. These Americans and their enthusiasm. I love it. Okay. I don't know why Jeffrey sounds like a male Mary Poppins Very formal these Americans and their enthusiasm. I love it. Okay. Let us give Casey a ring shall we Hello? Hello? Is this an American woman named Casey? Who's calling? Hello. Apologies for disrupting your day. I'm Jonathan Clark from BBC Radio 4.

You're on our morning talk show here in London. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello. I apologise. That's my co-host. She is quite drunk this morning. I have very few words. I apologise.

Casey, are you there? Yes. Is this some kind of joke? No, no, no. It's no joke. We've phoned you today because we're delving into the raucous dating lives

of cheeky Americans. Oh, those Americans. Wait, no. You mean British men. No. No, Americans. Something wrong. I forgot that our man that we're talking about used to live in Britain and then he was back in America.

Right, okay. Quite a few Irish coffees this one's had. So your name was actually given to us by one of our listeners, a former local bloke named Mitchell. Okay, yeah. name was actually given to us by one of our listeners, a former local bloke named Mitchell. Okay, yeah. The two of you had a bit of a snog and a bob the other night. At an American tavern. I'm not sure

what that means, but we had a date the other night, yes. So our jobs this morning is we would like to pry if you don't mind and ask you a bit about how it went. Okay, hold on. So Mitch talked to you all the way in? That's right.

Where are you? Mitch spoke to us earlier. He said you two had a wicked good time. May have got a bit knockered at the bar. And we all want to know, is it factual or just a load of rubbish? He said it was quite lovely, though. Quite lovely. Well, she was quite lovely. She was. Hey, Margaret Thatcher over there,

if you could zip it. We're trying to speak to our new American friend, Casey, over here. I love Americans. Casey, I do apologise. No British people love Americans. Oh, right. In your opinion, Casey, how did it go? This is so weird.

Yes, I know this call's a bit random, but you were doing us a huge service if you could just speak to us for a tiny bit. Well, I don't know what exactly you guys are looking for, but I mean, it was fine. Okay, well, at any point during the date, was he acting a bit dodgy? Well, there was a point towards the beginning of the date that I was a little taken aback

because I didn't know he had a British accent. It must have been a pleasant surprise to you then. Well, to be honest, I wasn't really sure he was telling the truth. But it's all starting to make sense now, I guess, because I'm talking to you all. Oh, no. It's true. You're never allowed to lie on British radio. That is one of the rules.

But on American radio, they lie all the time. Just lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and maybe sometimes they should come clean. Look, Casey, I understand sometimes first dates can be a bit tricky. Yeah? Definitely, yeah. I yeah you're trying to impress someone that you're meeting for the first time so perhaps this was a situation going on with young mitchell right how is he better in british than the language just flows out to me uh here's the situation the way that this segment works is we

have the person that you went on a date with sitting on the other line, listening in on the conversation. And at the start of this call, we were not fully honest with you, so I do apologize for that. But he is there waiting to speak his piece. Mitchell, are you there?

Hello. Hello. There he is. Your knight in shining armor. Mitch? Is that you? It is. It's me again.

This is super strange. I mean, I'm not sure why you had to call England to help me out for a second date. He's a friend of our shows. A station I'm very familiar with, and in my time there, I spent listening to them a lot and grew quite fond of them. I mean, okay, I guess that makes sense. You went to a lot of trouble for me,

so that's kind of cool. Well, I think of you as a quite proper fit bird, so I wanted to do whatever it took. But remember, Mitch, this may be very hard to keep up, if you know what I'm saying. Mitch will never shies away from a challenge, though, do you, Mitch? No, I do not. I'm quite ready for any challenge. Well, bloody hell.

I believe what my drunken co-host is referring to over there is it's quite difficult to go out in the modern world because of the prices of everything. Inflation has made paying for things just absolutely preposterous. And so that's not what I was talking about. Frankly, I have a very hard time understanding anything that you're saying this morning. The gin has gone straight to your head. So, Tracy, we're going to take care of all the finances and offer to pay for your next meet-up with Mitchell.

Maybe some fish and chips and some mushy peas, huh? Now you're making me hungry. A little bit of mint and vinegar. I'd love to cut your film with you as well. That's something I know we both share in common. Trip to the cinema.

Mitch, why did you just sound like an American there? Yeah. He does have American roots. It could be an issue with the telly that we're going over. With the telly. It's the telly phones. You know, unfortunately, I am staring out the window, and I do see Big Ben off in the distance and we are running out of time.

It is night time here for us. The segment is nearly at a close. Casey, we need an answer from you. Definitively, yes or no, would you like to go out with Mitch once more? I don't know why everybody's laughing and I feel like I could be missing the joke here. But, yeah, I'd like to try it again. Hey! Yay! I'm throwing my top hat

into the air! Hooray! The queen be blessed! What? She passed quite a while ago, Mitchell. I hope you remember. It's going to be a quite proper fine night, and we're going to have an incredible evening together again.

No guy has ever gone to this much trouble to try to get me to go out on a second date with him, so I'm impressed. Is that a yes? Jeffrey, yes. Anything for a special lady like yourself.

All right, Mitch, why don't you pipe down for just a bit It's another successful Second date snog off Right here on BBC Radio 4 Stay tuned as we recap All of the Beatles' greatest hits That's always funny This is rubbish, Jeff

They'll never go out of style here in London It's freaking Jeffrey Oh no, it's Jonathan Clark This is not good here in London. Okay. Brooke and Jeffrey. Oh, no. It's Jonathan Clark. Just be quiet. This is not good. Enorm the chimney sweep. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

Brooke, why would you keep saying in the middle of the call, should we tell her now? Yes. Because I thought we were going to come clean. That was like we tricked her into a date. That wasn't cool. We made a pact. Yeah. The whole British accent thing was come clean. That was like we tricked her into a date. That wasn't cool. We made a pact. Yeah, the whole British accent thing was your idea. I was joking. Really?

You weren't joking at the very beginning. Did you hear how bad his accent is? Yes. It's worse than mine. Still, we had committed. You can't like pull back on it like you're trying to in your marriage, okay? You committed to it. You got to follow through.

When she said, oh, now I believe him. I felt really terrible. Really? Don't feel. If she's willing to buy that, you shouldn't feel bad for her. Some people are just gullible. Next time, just roll with it, Brooke. I'm sick and tired of having to step up and save your butt on every single segment.

By the way, can I make a request? If you have an accent, I would love to see if we could do as many accents as possible on this show. Call in if you had a bad day. Let's do second dates. No. Updates in every accent. I know that's your dream, and I'm putting a stop to that right now. Come on.

This is the one and only. We're one and done. Let's get our show canceled. Call in. And if you want to hear, you can go to the Brooke and Jeffrey podcast if you missed it. Find all of our second dates there or on the BBC4 radio network. Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble.

More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.