Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Lions & Tigers & Capybaras, Oh My!

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Not only was the guy in today’s Second Date humiliated on his night out, but it was at the hands of a 9-year old!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025.

I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from. I'm pretty excited because we've never done this before, where a couple has met on a very reputable website. Okay. AshleyMadison.com No! So let's do this. That's for cheaters!

Welcome to the show, Ashley. Oh, wait. What? Her name's Ashley. Oh, Jeff. Middle name Madison. You've got me all sorts of roads. Oh, shoot.

I must have screwed that up in my notes. I apologize. I had that as where you met. I didn't realize that was your name. So it would have been really interesting. Okay, well, this isn't going to be as exciting as I thought. Okay. Unless, Ashley, did you perchance meet your special someone on Ashley Madison?

Are you rich? No, I didn't, you guys. My name is Ashley. That's good. So you're both single, you and the other person. Yeah, we're both single. And we met on the app called Hinge. Ah, Ashley Madison's nerdy little brother.

Yes. That's how I like to think of it. Okay. So what stood out about Brian on Hinge. Ah, Ashley Madison's nerdy little brother. Yes. I don't think so. That's how I like to think of it. Okay. So what stood out about Brian on Hinge? Brian was really sweet. Like, see, I'm used to really flashy guys, like narcissists, you know, show what kind of cars

they have, all the stuff they have, and I'm super over that, and I'm not that girl at all brian was really sweet okay when you were looking for brian you were looking for something different than what you had been dating it sounds like a man who doesn't drive a car or maybe owns a prius maybe you know sure tell us more about this simple man brian yeah like in his profile, I mean, the things that stood out to me, he believes in monogamy. He said like what his date would look like. And he said it would be to have a picnic in his living room with candlelight.

Like he just seemed light and sweet, you know, really down to earth. Like a romantic. Yeah. I mean, he sounds just like you said. Absolutely. Cheap. Yeah. So did you hit him up or did he message you?

I messaged him first, but then we just got along right away. He wasn't pushy. He just felt like a safe guy. Good. Okay. That's good. So what's a safe date with Brian look like? Well, they definitely wore seatbelts.

Yeah. It was really cute. So it was my idea for the first date because I volunteer at a zoo. Okay. And I thought that we could walk around the zoo and we could get to know each other and talk. And at the same time, we have fun things to look at. And plus it's a chance for you you to show off some knowledge, right? Because I'm assuming you know a lot about the animals there and how the zoo works.

And if there's awkward silence, there's always something to talk about. Yeah, exactly. Well, we're speculating a lot over here, but tell us how it actually went, Ashley. Yeah, and because I'm a volunteer, I got him in for free. That looks good on you. Got the hookup VIP rope. Here we come. in for free oh that looks good on you got the hookup vip rope yeah but because of that i you know i had to wear my vest with my name tag and oh that's how you got it made for yeah okay okay so as we're walking around we're having fun the parents and the kids would stop like if they needed

something the parents would ask me questions about the animals and i would answer the questions and then he could do maybe think he could find that a little bit annoying that the date keeps getting paused for you to answer other people's questions um i don't think he was annoyed because if he were annoyed then he probably wouldn't be the kind of guy i would want to be with the kind of guy that like wants your attention well i mean like she's doing her thing like he knew going into it that that's what you then he probably wouldn't be the kind of guy I would want to be with. The kind of guy that like wants your attention. Well, I mean, like she's doing her thing. Like he knew going into it that that's what you were going to do. And none of this was a surprise.

Yeah, but it probably feels like less of a date, more like a tour. Yeah. I mean, were you able to like connect in a romantic way at all? Yeah, but I believe that you should really get to know someone as a friend first and then from that if we felt like we had mutual respect for each other then something could come from it but i thought this was a really sweet way to let him into my life yeah and and he liked it you guys like it was cute like i know he had fun yeah but he's not calling i mean you're with us like why isn't he calling you back yeah i

mean yeah were there any awkward or moments that stood out from the date that could have been a red flag the only thing you know so we stopped at i don't know if you guys know this animal called capybara yeah they're super cute are those ones kind of like koalas am i thinking right they're like ground koalas yeah okay yeah it's a south american animal and we were there and we were looking at them and he said he had spent time in south america and you know we just were having a conversation this like a nine-year-old kid was there with their parents so i just challenged brian and the nine-year-old kid to see who could spell it how did he do he didn't win the nine-year-old knew how to spell it but he didn't oh it sounds like you should probably date that nine-year-old it sounds like more of a catch wait why was that awkward though did he actually was he actually upset that he got beat by a kid

you know what it's just the only moment that I thought maybe he felt out of place. I could see that being kind of emasculating to me if my date challenged me to a spelling contest against an elementary school child. Well, it's supposed to be fun and entertaining. Yeah, but after talking to kids all night over him, I'd be done. Yeah. So how did things end with you and Brian?

Well, we walked around a little bit more, but he said he had to leave to go to his niece's piano recital. To do more kid things, so he obviously doesn't hate him. True. Yeah. We didn't have to, like, battle pianos with her. He just had to sit there and listen. Yeah. What key am I playing?

No, it's not G, it's D. I mean, it's a valid reason to leave. Yeah. No, it's not G, it's D. I mean, it's a valid reason to leave. Yeah, you know, I mean, it matched the personality of this person that I'm going out with. So I walked into the gate and we hugged and it was nice. And he left and I haven't heard from him. Have you texted or called? Yeah, I have. But I don't want to seem like kind of crazy.

So, yeah. It sounds like there was not a lot of romance on the date it could have been fun but that's not a reason not to call someone back at all i don't know who wants to be in the friend zone if you don't feel a romantic connection that's why you don't call people back exactly that stuff would never happen on ashley madison exactly you would have been kissing the coffee bar well i mean maybe there was something else that we don't even know about yet Yeah, that's true Let's give Brian a call, we'll play a song first, we'll come back

And then we'll get your second date update, okay? Okay, thank you guys Alright, hold on Quick recap of Ashley's first date with Brian Which included an hour and a half of walking A detailed zoology lesson on the South American capybara, and, of course, a romantic spelling contest against a nine-year-old boy. Man, that is hot.

I mean, when you recap it like that. That's because Ashley took Brian to the zoo where she volunteers. And so they walked around together. She had to answer a bunch of questions to children and parents along the way about the different animals. And it ended with Brian saying he had to go attend his niece's piano recital.

Now he's not calling her back, which I don't know if you know this. I know you're an expert on animal behavior, but that's very common for the modern male homo sapien. Yes, I do. Okay. Oh, you really, I do. Okay. Oh, you really are an expert. Wow.

We're going to do our best to get Brian on the phone and get some answers for you. How are you feeling? I'm feeling nervous. Yeah. I know he's ditching me, but I just don't know why. Right. The thing that I would imagine is hard for you

is that this is the first time you're trying to date basically a nice guy, right? Yeah. And sometimes the nice guys are just as big of jerks as the true ones that aren't considered nice guys i mean that's just the hard lesson of it i consider myself a nice jerk yeah so you know just don't be too disappointed or like give up hope or anything after this that's good advice you know bro you're trying to give her a lot of hope so good work on that let's try and stay as optimistic as we can but but we're going to dial his number and see what Brian has to say, okay? Here we go.

Okay. Hello? Hey, is this Brian? Yeah, who's this? Hey, what's up, Brian? My name's Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Sorry, I don't know the show.

That's okay. Dude, I barely know it either, and I work here. It's all good, brother. Whoa. Yeah, no, that's... That's a lot of people. Yeah, we are a whole show.

Yeah, there's a bunch of people in this room, and we're all very interested in a date that you went on recently with one of our listeners named ashley um you remember that's weird was that you or is that your stomach no i think he's just shocked i'd be shocked too like all of a sudden we're talking about this i get it yeah i get it well it's just wait are you saying that she reached out to you guys yeah it's part of a segment that we do called a second date update well we haven't had a are you guys trying to find out why i don't want us i mean yeah we're hoping to get her a second date with you because that's what she wants and she's a little bit confused about why it's not happening yet well it's kind of weird what

she did did she tell you about it yeah we thought it was sweet she said that she took you to the zoo where she volunteers and she volunteered wall on the date as well so she had to answer like a lot of questions and stuff but she thought you had a great time i mean she did tell us about what happened with you and the nine-year-old kid in the spelling the spelling mishap. Oh, yeah, that's cute. You just let him win, though, right? Because you're a good guy.

Well, you know, when you can't spell foilage. Yeah. I thought you were trying to spell capybara. Well, she gave me a few words, but I'm not really a great speller, so I had trouble with him. Oh, that's a bad challenge. That's fine. She was just telling us not because she was still judging you about your spelling, just simply because she was like, oh, that's the only weird thing that I can remember that happened. She was just trying to have fun with you in that moment.

It wasn't meant to embarrass you or anything. Was that like a deal breaker for you? There's not really any deal breakers. The main thing was that she was like a news source. She was giving out misinformation. Misinformation? Sorry, I don't know why you have to put down news sources. Journalists work really hard in this country.

Please don't call yourself a journalist. That's demeaning to actual journalists out there. I agree with you, but I went to journalism school and I know... A lot of people did. Yeah. Look, I mean, Brian, we're just trying to help get some answers here because you said that she was giving out misinformation. Do you mean giving misinformation to you or just in general to everybody?

Like the group that we were walking around with. What do you mean? Like she's like, that's a capybara and it wasn't a capybara. Like, what are you talking about? One of the kids asked about this beetle on one of the displays, and the display itself wasn't labeled. And so she just called it a pirate beetle. Kid's like, what?

She's like, yeah, aye, aye, beetle. Okay, I believe that. Yeah, is that not true? I believe it. I don't even know what the beetle looks like. He knows his beetle species. I just thought she was trying to be funny, but this kid's, like, trying to learn something.

So, like, I guess the reason why it hit me so hard was because I used to go to the zoo as a kid with my parents. So, I was like, but he really might be, like, genuinely curious about what that thing is. Oh. So, you were upset that she made up a name of a beetle and instead of just saying, I don't know, is that what you're saying? Well, yeah, but this is not just one time we were walking by porcupines and she's like oh those are arrow pigs they should be called that's a better name actually yeah i mean come

on everybody knows that was just a joke though no these kids were legit writing down arrow pig. She never corrected them? Does she know what they actually are? Yeah, maybe she doesn't know. We walked by a trained mantis, and she calls them a wobble stick. Oh, that's kind of cute. She's really good with nicknames. I mean.

Animals should be renamed at this point. It's been thousands of years. I get that was a little bit weird and you were worried about the kids' education. But like, how does that affect you romantically? Like how you bonded with her? Well, I'm a stickler for this stuff, so I don't really respect that sort of stuff. Oh. Like I get it if you're trying to be funny, but if you generally don't know, be like, I don't know. Let me go find somebody who does.

That's my job. I don't think that Ashley has any idea that you felt this way during the entire tour of the zoo. Listen, though. Genuinely, she's awesome. I would love to be like, hey, look, let's do a second date. Well, that's perfect because now you can do that right now. She's on the other line listening. I think he had a butt that you didn't listen to.

I didn't want to hear that. I didn't like that part. Good move, Jeff. Ashley. I like it. Talk to. Good move, Jeff. Ashley. I like it. Talk to Brian. Hey, guys. Hey, Brian.

Hi. I had no clue you were listening. I'm so grateful. Yeah. You're upset because I'm having fun with kids? But you called the lobster a dragon shrimp. Was that real? That's clever.

Why does it sound better now? I know. Yeah, it does. You should be in charge of naming all the world's animals, Ashley. Either that or you really need to write a kid's book. I do think it's worth asking, though, Ashley, did you really not know the names of the animals because you're a volunteer or are you just having fun here?

It's a lobster. Who wouldn't know the name of a lobster? Some people have never seen one before. Okay, Ashley. I know the name of the animals, but some of them are made up and I just don't think it's that big of a deal. If I can get a laugh out of these kids

while they're at the zoo, that makes me feel good. It's not coming from a bad place, Brian i mean these kids get a laugh but they do flunk out a fourth grade it comes at a price i know it sounds petty but i just had to say something because it bugs me yeah brian you're being like a grumpy puss you're like a lynx that you can find at the zoo. Hey, that's not a real animal. Lynx are real. What?

Now you're confusing me. Oh, wait, lynx are real. Yeah. They're big cats, yeah. But hold on. All seriousness, what is he supposed to do? Like, call you out in the middle of a group? Like, you know, he's going to make you look unprofessional.

Yeah, I'm not going to stop you in the middle of your thing. You just bugged me, and I'm sorry for not talking about it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. That's valid. And that shows that he respects you at your job, even if you're doing a terrible job at it. I mean, I think you're making the zoo fun, Ashley, but Brian does bring up a good point.

Like, maybe you should also include correct information. Like, can you do both for the kids? Yeah, I mean, I can do that. Maybe Brian should be volunteering at the zoo. You're like a comedic duo. You get the punchlines and he brings the info. It's the Ashley and Brian show. We can actually set that up for you guys right now and send you on your second date and pay for that date. Well, you know what? I don't think that's a bad idea. What if I call them penguins and then she called them ISIS chickens

black and whitest? You know, you guys have to work on your schtick a little bit. I think we should stick with the names. Yeah, leave the names to her. I'd actually just call them ICE chickens. That would be funnier.

I like that. Alright, but I'm hearing the connection happening. Are we doing this? Ashley, are you up for it? Yeah, I'm up for it. Okay. Brian, is that a yes from you? Second datus approbus.

Oh, I see. He's bringing the science to the... See, that was a science term. That was still a yes. All right. That is. We're on. Successful second date a yes though, right? That is. We're all right. Successful second date update.

Congratulations, guys. Thank you. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. We're so done with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them.

More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will, too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis and a few surprise guests throughout the show.

Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your podcasts from.