Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Mommy Bath Time

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

One woman today is making history...because what her date shared with her might be the most intimate and vulnerable thing we've ever heard... Or maybe the most DISTURBING. Either way, it's a date you WON'T forget!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We have a guy named Jax who reached out to us for a second date update today.

Jax admits in his email he ended up getting a little too intoxicated on his first date. He says he remembers the first half of the evening, but that's about it. Then apparently he woke up the next morning in a quote, compromising situation.

Jax, you and I have a lot in common already. I don't even know much about you. So I like you. Alright. Oh my no. Jax, you and I have a lot in common already. I don't even know much about you. So I like you. All right. Oh, my God. I'm dying to know what happened. Before we get to your compromising situation, tell us about the girl you went out with.

What's her name? Her name is Iris. Okay. All right. She just an absolute smoke show. Seriously, guys. What's a smoke show? I'm sorry.

Oh, super hot. Very sexy. I thought she was a disappearing act, and that's why she was like, poof. Only smoke left. All right. I'm with you guys. Now that we've helped her understand, tell us a little bit more about Iris the Smoke Show. So, you know on Instagram, if you like someone's photo, it'll be like, you might also like whatever.

Right. So, I like this model's photo and the algorithm was like oh you're gonna like iris i have done that and it always pops up like 10 more instagram models underneath it's like you may also like so you guys are just trolling different instagram models until someone actually responds to you and ir Iris happened to be the one. Yeah. And oh my God, I was so excited when she replied. What line did you use to get her to reply? I was like,

hey, you're super cute, by the way. Smiley face. Not the emoji. What? That's simple. You write out the words smiley face? No, I do the colon and then the bright parenthetical.

It's nostalgic. It's old school. People love it. A 1990s emoji. Right. And that worked? Wow. Yeah. I guess I'm trying too hard. I guess so. That's awesome though. So what happened after that?

We're exchanging some messages and we set up a date at this cool local bar. What did you guys do at the bar? I'll get to that, though. I'll get to that. That was weird. Apparently something crazy happened.

Sorry, go on. Okay, so when she came in the door, dude, she's a solid 7.5. Just absolute smoke show. Wait, a 7.5 to you is a smoke show i thought for sure she's gonna be a 10 like you can barely talk and you're only rating her a 7.5 yeah tens are rare it's a bell curve like there's not that many i'd never want you to be my substitute teacher or anything she's not a smoke show then she's like a light sizzle at best hear me out though She looks like if Ashley Judd

Had a less attractive younger sister Who's Ashley Judd? Why do we have to keep I just think that we're really concentrating On her looks What were you feeling when you saw her? Were you nervous or was it Uglier Ashley Judd not something that

Horny, I was feeling horny Can't blame the guy there Alright Uglier Ashley Judd knots up in the... Horny. I was feeling horny. Can we say that? That is very straight. Can't blame the guy there. Yeah, all right. Okay. Okay. So now that she's walked into the room and turned you on, what happens next?

So, you know, I just wanted to have some fun with her. So for my activity, I had some pen and paper, and I said, we're going to drink and write some dirty limericks with each other. Oh, wow. Well, I guess you're not making it a secret what you want to do later. Did she know what a limerick was? I had to explain

it to her. Could you tell us one of them? I don't know what a limerick is. It's like a poem, right? Yeah, it's a poem that rhymes. Like a haiku is a very specific meter to it. Okay. They were all the rage in the 15th century Britain. But good to bring it back for a hot first date.

So what did you say? So, like, your producer told me to have one ready, but, like, you deaf have to bleep some of this out if I read this, right? Okay. Oh, God. What is it? Okay. There once was a man named Dave.

Okay. Who found a dead b**** in a cave. Oh, dang, bro. She was ugly as s***. Missing one s***. But think of the money he saved. Oh my

God. Wow. That was terrible. Jax, I mean, that was beautiful. Wait, how soon into meeting her did you deliver this limerick? That's what she came up with. I didn't I mean, that was beautiful. Wait, how soon into meeting her did you deliver this limerick? That's what she came up with. I didn't come up with that. Oh, that was with her? Oh! Well, now I'm actually impressed. You know,

I went from too much to oh, alright, girl can go limerick to limerick, I see. So the dirty limerick idea worked. Yeah, and clearly, like, it's going well. Clearly. You guys are talking about dead hoes to each other. I mean, what happened to that hoes' other boob?

That's what I'm concerned about. Unclear. Uncertain. So you started making out right away? You know, we kind of eased into it. We had some good laughs. And she just seemed she was down for whatever. So, like, we had a few few drinks and a few more than her.

But we Uber back to my place and this is kind of where things get hazy. I woke up next morning in the bathtub with no water in it and most of my clothes were gone. Okay. I had my socks on and I was wrapped in a bed sheet. Did she harvest your organs?

Yeah. This sounds to me like you were on and I was wrapped in a bed sheet. Did she harvest your organ? This sounds to me like you were about to throw up and she just put you in the bathroom is what it sounds like to me. Sounds to me like Iris is a good time. No matter what happens. And there's a bunch of toast on top of me, like three to four pieces of toast. Yeah, see? I don't know what happened. Yeah, you were wasted.

Yeah, you got the drum cheese. That's okay. I mean, why do you think she would call you back? Honestly. Well, I just, I want to hang out with her. Of course, I'm not dumb. I know like that's maybe not going to happen, but I just, I need to know what happened to me that night.

So this is a mystery you need solved and you're hoping for another date with Smoke Show Iris. Yeah. And like I tried calling, but she like hung up on me twice. And then any text i send she doesn't respond to or like she calls me a creep and that she says she doesn't want to see me again she's mad bro i don't know women very well she's a creep and she's the one that came up with the dead right like i don't even remember like not getting along with her so like that's

troubling too i know we're mystery for all of us. We're going to have to get to the bottom of this. This limerick mystery. There once was a guy named Jax who woke up half naked in a bath. And then what? And then I guess we'll finish the rest of it when we call Iris. We'll play a song, come back, and get your second date

update for you, okay? Alright. We're back for part and get your second date update for you, okay? All right. All right. Hold on. All right, we're back for part two of the second date update, and I've been working on this during the break. Have you? All right, let's see if you guys like it. All right.

There once was a man named Jax who woke up half naked in a bath. His lady had left some toast on his breast and a vegetable lodged in his okay glass glass is that what you're going with that's what you're choosing i think that is are you sure i think that's the perfect story told but if you're just tuning in for the second date update one of our listeners jacks met a super hot girl named iris on instagram and he took her to a bar where they wrote dirty limericks to each other and apparently it worked in setting the mood because they ended up back at his place and that's where his memory of the night starts to fade because he woke up the next morning half clothed in a bathtub with some toast sprinkled over his body and does not know what happened.

I know that you've tried to piece together the night as best you can. Can you think of anything you did that could be misconstrued? You know, it's so hazy, but I really want to find out. It's super important to me. Okay. All right. Well, let's give Iris a call and figure out what happened after the period that you don't remember at your place.

How did you end up in that bathtub half naked? We're going to try to figure this out. I'm going to dial the number right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Iris, please? Yeah, this is she. Hi, Iris.

My name is Young Jeffrey from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Okay. You familiar with us? Kind of. That's good. That works. Hi, Iris. Hi.

We're doing something called the Second Date Update. Are you familiar with that segment that we do? Um, yeah. She's not, dude. Yeah. Sure. A lot of certainty in that, boys. I certainty in that boys just to refresh your memory that's where if you go on a date with someone and afterwards they're not calling you back you can email the show and we'll call the person to try and figure out the reason why oh okay all right so you recently went out with a guy who is really, really interested to hear from you.

Is this Brayden? We don't know who Brayden is. No Brayden's here. Okay. We do have a guy that emailed us, though, trying to get a hold of you, whose name is Jax. Oh, okay. Not as excited about Jax as you are as Brayden. No.

All right. Okay. Well, Jax told us are as Brayden. No. All right. Okay. Well, Jax told us a little bit about your evening together. As much as he could. Great. It was very interesting, the story that he told us. I'm sure. Yeah.

Sounds like you're a pretty good limerick writer. He actually told you about that? Oh, he read it to us. He read it to us, and we had to bleep a lot of stuff. I can't believe that came out of your mind you told me to make it dirty what's dirtier than one no i'm yeah i'm not saying it's bad i think actually you and i should go hang out and like have a beer after this but we were applauding you yeah truthful very creative but after the limerick he said you guys had a few more drinks and went back to his place. And that's where he's frustrated because he doesn't remember a lot.

Well, I am not surprised. Was he just like a sloppy drunk? I really don't know if I should tell you that. Why? Well, he really wants to know. He doesn't know how he ended up where he ended up. And could you just maybe fill in some of the details that are missing for us? I mean, I don't know how he ended up where he ended up and could you just maybe fill in some of the details that are missing for us i mean i don't know it's really embarrassing for him i don't know if he'd

want to hear this well he understands when you email into the show to ask for one of these second date updates you know that you might hear something you don't necessarily want to hear that might be a little bit embarrassing and the is, he may need to learn from this because he has no idea what he did. Yeah, I find that hard to believe. No. What? He said he has no idea. You think he's faking it? Why would you say that? This just seems like something he does a lot.

Really? What does he do? Let me tell you the story of what happened that night. Do tell. Are you going to do a limerick? Oh, geez. Off the story of what happened that night. Oh, do tell. Are you going to do a limerick? Oh, geez. Off the cuff? I don't know. Okay, no, you can just tell us normally.

We don't have that much time. So, yeah, we were back at his place, and it was fine. There was a little bit of making out, and we started dancing a little, and we had even more drinks. Oh, God. And then he whispered in my ear, my fantasy. Wait, what? He told you his fantasy? Well, if he first tried to guess mine, and then he decided to tell me his fantasy.

Is that because you wouldn't tell him? Right. Oh, okay. Okay, so what did he say? Well, he whispered in my ear, you know, my fantasy is to be a little boy. Oh, my God. What did you do? Well, I thought he was joking at first because we've been doing dirty limericks and stuff.

Yeah. But he started calling me mommy. And had me make him cinnamon toast and strawberry milk. Shut up. Shut up. I'm not kidding. That sounds pretty good. That does sound good.

It sounds like a delicious meal for a young boy to enjoy. That is so disturbing. Did you actually make the toast? Well, yeah. What? I figured maybe he'll sober up with some food. Oh, yeah, that's good. Okay, which part of this was weird to you?

Which one? Jeffrey! All of it was weird, but I didn't really know at this point whether he was joking still or what was going on. I mean, to be fair, you were the one who wrote about a dead hooker in a cave who was missing body parts. So I think that's pretty balanced out. No is not he's calling her mommy well he's drunk is all i'm saying yeah so you got to give him a pass a little bit no because that's truth serum dude yeah i don't know he definitely was not joking when i realized he got into the bathtub and wanted me to like swaddle him so i just like wrapped him up wait Oh, wait, wait.

He went to the bathroom by himself. I thought she put him in the tub. Stop it. So that's why he woke up in a sheet. Yeah, I was really freaked out at that point because he just started clapping his hands going, Mommy, bath time. Mommy, bath time.

Aw, that's cute. Oh, my God, dude. Don't you wish your kids were not excited for bath time, Brooke? Oh, my God. That is so much on a first date. On a first date, that is a lot. That is so much. Now, you're being 100% serious about all this?

Unfortunately. It does explain everything, Jeff. Like, all the dots are, like... Right. The toast, the sheet. The sheet, why he was in the bathtub in the first place. Okay. Well, I think a lot of things have been answered for us.

I mean, like I said, it's going to be hard to forget it. Yeah, that's for sure. I want to thank you, but I think it'd be more appropriate if Jax thanked you himself. Because he's been on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. Are you f***ing kidding me? Don't cuss in front of the kid.

Oh my god. I'm sorry. Jax, your mommy wants to talk to you okay you're in trouble you there um i'm not i'm not really like all that uh like that was because of drinking like i'm not really into that that was a test you were kidding uh yeah i know i was just like drunk and like joking around. Yeah. So, Jax, are you remembering now what I just told you? Maybe a little bit.

I don't remember the toast stuff. Like, not, I don't know. I probably shouldn't have even called you guys. I'm really sorry. No, no, I'm glad you did, Jax. This is a story that we all needed to hear today. Jax, you don't need to be ashamed of whatever your fantasy is, okay? It was just, like, that's maybe, like, 10 years into a marriage type of situation where you knock that out. At least second date.

Yeah. Just so you guys know, it's not, like, my fantasy. It's just, like, something that, like, came out after, like, a lot of drinking. You have to believe me. Do you hear that iris i don't know jack do you remember when you were in the bathtub forcing me to feed you the toast uh no i don't remember i'm not really sure that happened actually you asked me to and you would open your mouth saying the airplane's coming in the hangar. I didn't really say that, did I?

Yes. Yes, you did. Aw, buddy. And Iris, you complied. Yeah, I mean, I thought it was a joke for a little bit, but when he started clapping his hands and saying, Mommy, Mommy, I realized it was not a joke anymore. I mean, but I think that you're just as much at fault as Jax is because you're encouraging this. I mean, you're the one you're just as much at fault as Jax is because you're encouraging this.

I mean, you're the one that's filling out his fantasies, making the airplane noises, putting breadsticks into his mouth. It was cinnamon toast. Oh. I think it was. I don't know. A little bit of a memory came back there for a second. Okay, but here's the positive thing about this, Iris. You did like him, and this was a lot to pull out on a first date,

but now all the cards are on the table. That's true. There's no more surprises if you guys go out on another date. Exactly. But this point, Iris, I think it's appropriate if I ask, would mommy like to see baby one more time?

We'll pay for it. Can you guys stop it, please? Uh-oh, baby's getting grumpy. Sounds like Jeffrey's also lived out your fantasy before, Jax. So, you know, you're in good company. No, you just gave me some really good ideas, Jax, from the future of my dating career.

I'm hanging up right now. No, don't go, Jax. Jax, don't leave. We're just playing, man. Yeah, Iris, will you go out with him again? You know, I'm going to have to pass on another date, but I'm just sure there's another mommy out there for him. Oh, man.

Jax, I'm sorry. Sorry, bro. I actually feel bad for you. You got a little embarrassed. You didn't get a date. It's okay. No, you know what we're going to do for you, Jax? We're going to open up the text line right now.

Text into 78592. Are there any mommies out there that want to airplane feed Jax inside the bathtub? Again, you guys, it's not my fantasy, so you can have fun with this, but I'm letting you know, I don't even remember most of it. Sure. That's your readout, bro. Okay, buddy. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

To be your best every day, you need proven quality sleep every night. Science proves your best sleep is vital to your mental, emotional, and physical health. And that's where the sleep number bed comes in. And let me tell you, ever since I've had it, my sleep IQ score is just going higher and higher. And did you know eight out of 10 couples say that one of them sleeps too hot or too cold? Science tells us regulating your sleep temperature leads to higher quality sleep. For many couples, temperature struggles are a real challenge. So here are some tips to help you both sleep just right.

Look for beds designed with temperature benefits, such as the new Sleep Number Climate 360 smart bed that actively warms and cools each side so you both sleep blissfully comfortable. And now save 40% on the Sleep Number 360 Special Edition Smart Bed. Plus, special financing for a limited time. Only at Sleep Number stores or sleepnumber.com slash podcast one. Sleep Number, the official sleep and wellness partner of the National Football League. Subject to credit approval, minimum monthly payments required.

See sleepnumber.com for details catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.