Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Penguins Are Sexy

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

Most of the time, a tiny fib won’t cause a lot of damage to a relationship, but the lie one of our listeners told on a date came back to bite him. When we learned the truth....We were all shocked and a little disturbed!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second Date Update. or wherever you get your podcasts. When you're on a date, I think the goal for a lot of people is to just get to a point where you can finally let your guard down. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. That's the best part. Yeah, and just do what animals do. Oh, wait, what?

Oh, all the way down. And what better place to see animals doing what they do than at the local zoo? Oh, okay. And that's where one of our listeners, Chris, took his date, and now she's not calling him back. Chris, what's going on, man? You go animal style at the zoo with your date? We had a very nice date at the zoo.

He's like, I don't know how to answer that. No one ever does. So tell us about the girl that you went out with. What's her name? Her name's Ellie. Ellie. Where'd you meet her? We matched on Tinder, and then it was I wanted a not a very risky date,

and so I was like, what about the zoo? And she immediately said yes. It's actually, like, it's a not a very risky date. And so I was like, what about the zoo? And she immediately said yes. It's actually like it's a great idea, the zoo. Like there's always something to talk about, look at. A little bit of danger in there. Stick your arm in between the cages of the lion cage. And it's a little bit of excitement. I don't think you're allowed to do that.

That's exactly the whole point. You're not allowed to. But when you do, it gets the blood pumping. Things start happening. Isn't that right, Chris? That is. She kept asking me what animals I wanted to see. I've actually done this before, so I knew for a fact you don't want to go see the monkeys because they might throw poop at you. You don't want to go see the elephants because they're majestic animals, but they stink to high heaven. Also may throw poop at you you don't want to go see the elephants because they're majestic animals but they stink to high heaven also may throw poop exactly so uh i was sitting there going like oh maybe the giraffes would be a safe bet and she then suggested that

her favorite animal is the penguin no the penguins i mean if you're worried about stench penguins are so stinky yeah i love the baby penguin they poop poop a lot. Yeah, they're awesome. They're super cool to see. So cute. Yeah, but if they're the girl's favorite, you have to do it. Yeah. But here's the thing with the penguins, though, is they have that little tunnel where you can look at them as they're underwater.

You can't smell down there. And there's not a lot of light, and it's kind of romantic. And so we were just standing there, you know, very naturally watching the penguins swim around underwater. I leaned over to her and kissed her. Oh, okay. All right. How was that received?

She kissed me back, and it was like, this is nice. Perfect. Yeah. And penguins mate for life. They do. Yeah, they do. I learned that from Happy Feet. You should have given her a rock.

They pick a rock for their... Yeah, they do the pebbles. That's how they mate. I know. They're much better than the philandering humans. So it sounds like things are going great. Yeah, and at this point, she asks me kind of very flirtatiously. She's like, hey, have you seen this...

I'm brain farting on the name, but it's the documentary about penguins that's out right now. She's like, have you seen this documentary? And I'm like... Is it like a Disney one or something? Oh, so she's like really into penguins. Really, really into penguins. Okay.

And you're not talking about Happy Feet, right? No, a documentary. Okay. Like March of the Penguins. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, it was one of those. Very same vein as that. Okay.

So she's like, have you seen it? And I was like, no. And she was like, well, why don't we go back to your place and watch it? Oh, that was I'm sorry. By her point, smooth. She was so into penguins. I wasn't even sure if she wanted to do like Netflix and chill.

It was just more of like Nat Geo and Krill. Like she wanted to do everything. Nat Geo and take notes. Both sound good to me. Jeffrey's hot no matter what. I know. I mean, but are you into that? Because, like, it's cool when somebody has a really cool interest and they're really into it.

Yeah, but you always hope it's not penguins. Why not? Why not penguins? Okay. It could be anything. So did you end up doing that? No, no. We went back to my place.

We put on the documentary. Nice. And almost immediately we start making out. Yeah. She doesn't care about penguins. That penguin out yeah she doesn't care about penguins yeah she knows enough about penguins already okay how was the makeout you know it was pretty good because you got that british guy in the back with the monotonous voice David Attenborough or whatever his name is. Here we have a penguin. Oh, yeah, turn this up. Okay. So we're making out for about 10 minutes,

and then I hear keys jangling at the front door. Oh, my God. Do not tell me you have a wife. Oh, God. I don't have a wife. No. I have a maid service. Oh, cleaning.

House cleaning. Oh, okay. So you had a maid service. Oh, cleaning. House cleaning. Oh, okay. So you had a maid come in? Yes, because I don't have a lot of control over what time she shows up, my maid. And I didn't even know we were coming back to my place until we were at the zoo, so I wasn't planning on that. And she wanted to make out with you with a dirty place? Good job. Okay.

That hasn't been cleaned yet. Lots of ladies like dirty places. You keep telling yourself that, buddy. I've kissed many women. Did you tell the maid, like, sorry, I'm in the middle of something here. Can you come back later? No. This is not a case.

If she's there, she's already traveled a long distance. And so it would be kind of rude to send her away. Agreed. Agreed. So what, you just let her clean around while you guys were kissing? No, no, no, no. I was like, all right, she's going to obviously clean the living room. I was like, why don't you and I go to the bedroom?

No, you can't do that now. No, you needed to rain check at that point. You need to say, oh, man, you know what? My housekeeper's here. Let's go get coffee or something. Making out was like a loud vacuum in the back yard. That's what you're saying, man. What did she say to the bedroom invitation?

She went with it, but like you just said, it was the wrong choice. Yeah. And then the coup de grace was then my maid needed to get into my bedroom, so we had to switch rooms. I was like, oh, wow. And at that point, Ellie was like, yeah, it's done. It's not happening. Yeah. It's done for us, oh, wow. And at that point, Ellie was like, yeah, it's done. It's not happening. Yeah.

It's done for us, too, bro. Oh, man. You just, like, it would have been perfect if you would have just ended it when the housekeeper came. I see that now, but I can't hop into my DeLorean and fix that. I know. So she hasn't texted you or called or anything? Like, the momentum was that ruined? I guess so.

Or maybe she thought I was desperate because I was like, let's keep switching rooms. Yeah. Next thing you're in the broom closet. Be quiet. Be quiet. You were trying real hard to make it work. All right. Well, we're going to try and make it work for you, okay?

I think we can salvage this. There's something here. Let's play a song. We'll come back. We'll call Ellie for for you and we'll try and get you your second date update okay that would be awesome all right hold on second date update the human male is a clever and finicky creature he seeks to find a suitable mate online willing to join him back at his pleasure den and And this particular male, Chris, knows just the bait to lure her in.

An unsuspecting female in a documentary about emperor penguins. I kind of like that. Although beautiful, the dating world can be a mysterious and unforgiving place as well, full of surprises because just before he can complete his mating dance, Chris gets an unexpected visitor. Uh-oh. A housekeeper arriving to assume her duties and spoil the mood. Chris is not pleased.

Oh, and now we're about to witness one of the most spectacular and peculiar rituals in the mating kingdom, a second date update. Hey! To see if we can save the mood. I don't want regular Jeffrey. Bring back documentary Jeffrey. It's my favorite Jeffrey now. If you're just tuning in for the second date update, Chris wants our help getting back

in touch with his date named Ellie. He was able to get her back to his place where they were watching a Penguin documentary before a maid came in and ruined the mood. So now he's hoping he can get things back on track with a second date update. Do you think that there could be something else besides, you know, the housekeeper coming in? No, because I've gone over this like the Zabruder film and everything was going great. Then, you know, three's a crowd and that ruined the mood.

Is this weird that she wouldn't be calling you back, right? Yeah, that's the weird part, because I can guarantee like the next time there won't be three people. Maybe she doesn't like that oh yeah what was the maid wearing no one maybe she's just turned off because like it means you don't clean your own house i don't know let's just call ellie and see what she has to say get your second date update you ready chris i'm ready thank you all right here we I'm going to dial the number right now. Hello? Hi, I'm looking for Ellie.

Yeah? Hi, Ellie. My name's Jeffrey from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. How you doing? What's this about? Well, this is about a segment that we do on our show, and you're going to be the star of it. Okay. It's a good thing, I promise. It could be.

That's a big promise. You know what? I don't promise. I'm hoping it's a good thing because we're doing something called a second date update. That's where if you go out with someone and afterwards, if that person isn't calling you back, you can email our show, and we'll reach out to that person for you to try and figure out the reason why. Oh, you're being serious? I thought you were joking about it. No, it's something we really do.

We are kind of a joke. I never joke about anything, ever. It's really hard to tell what you're joking about and what you're not joking about right now. I'm just going to drop the jokes. And in all honesty, one of our listeners is trying to get ahold of you. His name's Chris. Oh, how do you know about this? Well, because he emailed us and he told us a little bit about how you two met and that you guys went out for a date. And on his account, it was a really nice time for the majority of your date. Yeah. He really liked you a lot okay so now he's

confused because afterwards he's been struggling to get a hold of you and he's hoping to figure out why all right uh he told you about all this he told us a lot of stuff but like how do you feel i mean did you like him when you guys were hanging out it sounds like you liked him a lot because he told us that like you're the one that suggested to go back and watch the Penguin documentary at his house, which I thought smooth. Very good move. He just tells everything, doesn't he? Is that okay?

I mean, there's nothing embarrassing that he told us. No, not for me. Well, wait, what does that mean? I mean, I think he's really weird. What makes you think that? Well, yeah, we went to see a documentary on penguins because I love penguins. And it starts to get a little flirty and stuff, you know. And, well, it's so funny. Okay, well, his maid walks in.

I mean, he told us about that, that it kind of interrupted the mood and took things down a level. But he feels really bad about it. And to be fair, it's not like he planned it. I mean, he didn't know that you guys were going back to his place. He just had the housekeeper scheduled. I mean, it definitely ruined the mood and it's not his fault technically. But he acted really weird towards her. Towards thekeeper yeah what do you mean he like jumped up when she came like immediately and gave her a hug he hugged her yeah that's not a big deal i don't think you do that do you i think it's fine

i mean this person is cleaning your house and if she's been cleaning his house for a long time, you can establish a relationship. Everybody knows you'd never hug the help, Brooke. What? You get up and you go, get to work. Who are you? You're such a weird private school kid. You don't make eye contact. You can maybe, maybe have a little bit of a word or two with them, but you don't want

to give them the wrong idea. What are you talking about? This person is in your stuff. Like, literally sees every day. So are plumbers and stuff do you hug them if they were at my house every week so wait that's why you're not calling him back is because he hugged his housekeeper not just that like she came in a french maid outfit like the type that you see on Halloween. Oh, now we're talking. Wait, hold on. She was dressed like a sexy French maid. Yeah.

Like the feather duster that doesn't do anything. Yeah, the feather duster. So you think he's hiring her just because she's hot? I'm confused. Yeah. I don't know why he's doing it, but that was a red flag. I don't know why he's doing that either, Ellie, but I do know how we can find out. And that's by just straight up asking him because he's on the other line listening and he wants to join this conversation.

He's on the phone. Yeah. Yeah. He's been waiting like a little dirty boy that he is. Chris. Yep. Yep. That's all you got chris um i have an answer here but if i give the answer you're going to think even worse of the situation and it's not the case it's actually a very innocent mistake and i think i was trying to plaster over it with a white lie and it's actually gotten worse just spit it out, Chris. Yeah, I think you're already

in a pretty bad position as it is. I don't think it could get much worse. Okay, okay, okay. I do not have a housekeeper, a maid. I do not have a cleaning service. Oh. The woman who came over and has keys to my apartment

is my mother. Whoa! Whoa! No, no, let's rewind. Stop! Your mom is the one that showed up in a French maid outfit? Because she's a theatrical person, yes.

When she would drive me around in high school, she would wear a chauffeur's outfit. Wait, hold on. Oh, dude. Okay, hold on. You live with your mom in a one-bedroom apartment, or your mom comes over, dresses a sexy French maid to clean your house.

Neither are good options right now. Yeah, pick one, though. Yeah. It is a French outfit. I do not think it is a sexy outfit. And I think it's just she likes to get into character. You couldn't ask her to come back if it's your mom? And why is she not cleaning your apartment?

She only does it like maybe once or twice a month. And she's coming from all the way across town. And I don't want to ask her to go back because it's late at night. I don't want her ask her to go back because it's late at nine she i don't want to drive him at that time so you were making out with her while your mom was in the other room vacuuming yeah that's not weird though again dressed as a french maid not normal i thought it was going to be like some weird snm thing he was into and i'm actually now better with that than i am with what no no no this, no, no. This is not an S&M thing. This is a completely normal thing.

And I would just like to say that my mom thinks you're really cute, Ellie. She thought you had a great figure. And she was like, you did very well for yourself. Oh, Brooke, listen to that. Did you just say that your mom thought that Ellie had a nice figure? Again, you're making it weird when you put emphasis on it. I'm just trying to clarify here. You know you could have

introduced me to her if that was your mom. What? Would that be better? I had a responsibility there. I was caught flat-footed. I didn't know, I know my mom,

when she's in her cleaning character, she likes to stay in character. So when I went over there and I hugged her, I briefly whispered in her ear. I was like, hey, you do your thing. We're going to go to the bedroom. You do your thing and you clean

my apartment because I'm a grown man and I'm going to make out with a woman in my bedroom. This is... That's a life, isn't it? Man. Dude, there are so many red flags here. You're the coolest mom ever, honestly. I think my mom is very cool. Most people think my mom is cool. And I bet you she cooked for him after. You have the coolest mom ever, honestly. I think my mom is very cool. Most people think my mom is cool.

And I bet you she cooked for him after. You are a grown man. Do your own chores. Make the hell of a meatloaf. That's a selling point if I've ever heard one. That is so unattractive. With that said, would you like to go out on one more date with Chris?

We will pay for it. I'm good. We all saw that coming. Dude. Come on. Chris, I'm sorry, man. I'm really bummed out. I didn't realize my mom screwed this whole thing up. No, you screwed the whole thing up.

I'm bummed out for you, Chris, because now Ellie won't be able to go out on the second date and meet your dad as the butler. Or the police officer brooke and jeffrey in the morning we're so done with new year new you this year it's more you on bumble more of you shamelessly sending playlists especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want.

And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will, too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.