Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update POCAST: Clench & Waddle

Episode Date: July 8, 2016

It's possibly the most embarrassing story we've ever heard in a Second Date update... and shockingly, the guy who got humiliated is the one calling us to share it. But despite it all, he's willing to come on the radio and tell everybody what happened, for a chance at redemption. Hear his story in the PODCAST.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you by the IHOP Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.

Moving 92.5. Ruck and Jubels. Second date update. I feel really bad for the guy who's on the phone to do a second date update today. Not only bad, but I'm also impressed by his bravery. I read his email about what happened on his date, and I'm frankly surprised that he would be willing to tell this story to anybody, let alone do it on a radio show. Yes.

Matt, how you doing? Man, I got a weird mix of emotions because I feel like I'm throwing a Hail Mary here, and I know it's a long shot. You know what I mean? Yeah. What? The description of what happened on your date is amazing to me. And like I said, I commend your bravery for being willing to talk about this.

I mean, this is like I've lived a life where I've done embarrassing things. This is going to be the most embarrassing. That bad? Why don't you tell your story there, Matt? All right. So, you know, I meet this really, really nice girl online name's amanda and we agreed to go to this restaurant and the whole deal was there's a seasonal festival going on i really wanted to go to it like this would be so much fun so just kind of picked a restaurant near the festival because i wasn't sure we're going to get to eat like i

didn't want to be hungry at this festival i just wanted to be in a good mood so we go and it's great you know it's my kind of place go and it's great. You know, it's my kind of place laid back. It's got good food and big portions. I like big portions. So I love how men pick restaurants. You don't have to dress up and I can eat a lot. Well, you know, she, I wanted to see because she kept saying like all our profile and stuff like that. She's laid back. It's just like that fun. And like, I was hoping that translated to just like to eat. And we ordered cheesy fries. They were massive. She dug in with me, you know, like, it was all good. Cool. It can be fun. We can like eat together. I want to get to what happened and the reason why you think she's not calling you back. Yeah, but hold on. Hold on. I didn't

tell you what the steak was incredible. Like I really thought it was going to be like an average steak. You don't understand. I went back and shook hands with the chef. That's how good the steak was. Wow. This was incredible. I have not had a steak at a restaurant this good for the price. Were you excited about your steak? Is this a second date or a commercial for this restaurant? I'm just telling you, this was the one good part.

And sometimes I'll go on dates and I'll love the food and I'll feel shamed by my date. But she didn't do that. She was just like, yeah, cool. I like a guy who can eat why are you eating so much food all right because i hadn't eaten all day and it's a festival we're gonna walk around a long time i didn't want to just be hungry you know while we're at the festival i can get kind of grumpy so i wanted to be on my a game and fill my belly my god chili cheese fries and steak is already enough.

Hey, I didn't even tell you about the dessert. My God. So we get one of those giant, like, ice cream brownie sundae things. Oh, my gosh. And I'm going to say, I know you don't want me to, like, go on and on and on, but, oh, my gosh, that whipped cream, it was like, I don't know, it was like there was a group of people in the back that were making it by hand, and that was their only job was just to make the whipped cream. After reading your email, how in the world can you still be talking about the food with the situation that happened after you ate?

I want to know what happened. You do want to know what happened. Because I need to understand, like, I was so happy. I, like, this is the happiest I've been on a date at this point. All right. And so, like, that's why. So, like, we ate. This is great. Let's go socially. We're walking I start like I just kind of suburban, you know, my stomach starts purpling like oh no, I gotta go I should have gone there's like kind of we're kind of far from the restaurant now like

There's like want to keep moving. I really want to say anything. You know what I mean? I just didn't feel comfortable yet Saying oh, I just to drop a giant deuce. Yeah. It's usually bad first-aid etiquette to bring that up. Yes. I didn't want to do that. So, like, we walked by this department store, and I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I got to buy a gift for one of my coworkers.

I'll just go in here real quick because tomorrow is my only chance if I don't buy it now. So, I knew I'll just be in and out real quick. And so, I go in, and the bathroom is on, like, the fifth floor. It's like escalators. So I'm, like, running up the escalators, like, carefully, because now I'm at the point where it's very sensitive and I can just lose it all. Oh, my God.

I can feel it. So much graphic detail. You know, like, that run you do when you're trying to be careful and not spill it? Yeah. I don't. I get up there. I get to the fifth floor.

I'm so excited. And there's a guy with a mop, and he's cleaning. like you're not coming in here oh no and then like there's oh the woman's bathroom you're going to woman's bathroom but like a woman goes in and i'm not going to go in while there's a woman in there that's just so you don't need like assault charges or indecency charges on your first date so i like okay i'm not i can hold it a little longer so i run i run and clinch down i just i'm running and clinching i'm going down the escalators i run out the front she's like what are you doing what are you done it's like i gotta go i'll be right back and i just i'm like running

back to the restaurant like you know what i paid there i can go i can use the bathroom and by the time i get the restaurant i got a pretty good sprint coming on and i mean everything i have to hold this in i burst the door open it knocks over this old man the old I get to the restaurant, I got a pretty good sprint coming on. I mean, everything I have to hold this in. I burst the door open. It knocks over this old man. The old man falls to the floor. I don't stop. Someone says, you knocked over an old man.

I don't have time to apologize or stop. I go to the bathroom, and I just go in. And I'm like a sweating, heaving mess of shame. And I sit there on the pot, and I just like, I mean, I destroyed that bathroom. I was disgusted by myself on so many levels. And I'm sitting there and it's like taking so long. I just wanted to go fast, like 15 minutes, which is such a long time. Especially after you've run up to the top of a department store

and then sprinted back down, sprinted by your date. And she's like, where are you going? So yeah, she's texting me. She's like, what's going on? What's going on? It's like, where are you going? So, yeah, she's texting me. She's like, what's going on? What's going on? It's like, it's fine. It's fine. I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. And I was like, good. I'm good. I'm, like, done. And I stand up, and I look at my pants, and I had splattered my pants in the process. What? I was like, this is not going to work.

Did you just say pants? I don't get it. You didn't realize that you pooped your pants before you went into the bathroom? I was in a dark place. I don't know why they were playing. This was not like a normal situation. I mean, I'm in there freaking out about knocking over this man. Like, I'm like, I got to go home.

I got to go home and get a change of pants. Do you live close to this place? No. I live like 10 minutes away if there's no light. Oh, no. You know what I mean? So I went out the back door of this restaurant because I don't want to run into this old man or his family or anyone. So I go out the back door, and I drive home.

I barely get home. I change my pants. She texts me, screw you. I can't believe you ditched me. And I was like, oh, no. Is that the last thing you heard from her? Yeah, yeah, because I knew there's no coming back from that the last thing you heard from her? Yeah. Yeah, because I knew there's no coming back from that.

I didn't know what to do. Did you try to apologize and explain what happened? I mean, I said I'm sorry, but I knew that if I did a lot, I felt like it would make it worse, so I just said I was sorry. Oh my God, my brain is still spitting from your really detailed story about pooping yourself.

Why would you ever think it's okay to leave a woman on the street for how long in the end it was like 35 40 minutes yeah no wonder she's not calling you back i mean you know what happened obviously yeah i know that's why i'm like that's why i said hell mary at the beginning of the conversation like but i had such a good time like you have to understand like she really is cool like i i met this really cool girl who's like fun and fun and has, like, a good sense of humor. And for some reason, I just, like, freaked out. Well, you're going to have to see how cool she is when we get her on the phone and you tell her the actual story of what happened. Oh, I don't know.

I don't want to tell her all the details. We can just, like, tell her, like, generally what happened, you know, and then see if she'll go out with me again. I think, I mean, we don't have to give every example. I'm just going to take this first part we're talking right now, we recorded your story, and play that back for her. Have her listen to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.

All right. We'll play a song. Come back. Call her. I love you guys. I'm a big fan of you. Please. All right.

Hey, you're going to have to tell her a little bit, but we'll do it after this song. We'll play a song. Come back. Call her and get your second date update, okay? All right. Thank you, guys. All right. Hey, you're going to have to tell her a little bit, but we'll do it after this song. We'll play a song, come back, call her, and get your second date update, okay? All right. Thank you, guys. Hang on, man. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Second date update. If you're just tuning in for today's second date update, Matt is on the phone. And, yes, if you missed Matt explaining what happened on his first date, it was rather embarrassing. Long story short, he had to go to the bathroom really bad after they had dinner. Tried to find a restroom. Didn't tell her what he was doing because he was embarrassed. Ran to the top of a department store. Bathroom was closed there.

Sprinted down the stairs and passed her. She didn't know where he was going. Into a restaurant. Knocked over an old dude on the way. And people yelled like, hey, that guy is knocked over this old guy, but he was in a very bad place, so he had to go straight to the bathroom. He ended up going,

took him about 15 minutes, and then he realized that he accidentally had an accident on his pants. So he tried to go home to change his pants, and at that point, she texted him and was like, it's obvious that you ditched me,

and she hasn't talked to him since. We're about to get her on the phone and see if Matt can somehow salvage what happened and get a second date. Matt, are you ready to go? As ready as I'm going to be. Matt, you do realize the last image she has of you is you sprinting away

from her on the street. It's not even that you just ditched her, you ran from her. No, it's not good. It's the worst it could be. It really is. I don't know. Yeah. No, it's not good. It's the worst. It's the worst it could be. It really is. I don't know. I've never. This is, I don't know.

Yeah. Good luck to you, man. I don't know how you're going to get a second date out of this one. Especially when he's like, no, no, no, you don't get it. I pooped my pants. Don't worry. Yeah. It's not as bad.

It wasn't you. It's just that I have no control over my bowels. Would you like to go out again and try this over? Why? All right. I'm going to dial the phone right now and get her on the phone, okay? If you guys don't mind vouching for me that I'm a good guy, that would be great. Sure.

I'll tell her we're longtime personal friends and that you're a great dude. You're such a liar. That would be amazing. Okay. I'm going to dial the phone right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Amanda, please?

This is... Hello, Amanda. How are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show? Um... We host a morning radio show, and one of our listeners actually emailed us about you to see if we could get you on the phone.

About me? Mm-hmm. It's called the second date update. Basically, if you go out on a date with somebody and don't call them back after the date, they email us to see if we can get you on the phone and find out what went wrong. I think we kind of know what went wrong on your date. But I could be wrong. The guy that emailed us, his name is Matt. He wanted you to call me?

Yes, he did. I can't even imagine why. Yeah, he said that he really enjoyed your date. Well, that's pretty interesting because he's the one that ditched me. So I'm not really sure. Amanda, what if I told you that he had a really good reason for having to leave your date? I don't think there is a good reason. There's pretty much nothing that could make me say, oh, that makes sense.

Really? I think if you heard his story, you might actually be happy that he didn't come back to you. I just, I can't even imagine that there is some excuse good enough for him ditching me, leaving me standing there by myself to find my own ride home. Well, why don't I let him tell you? Because he's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you because he feels really bad about what happened on your date. Right now?

Yes. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not. Matt? Hi, Amanda. What do you want? I just want to apologize and explain what happened, because I know that it seems like I ditched you,

and I didn't ditch you. Matt, you did ditch me. I was standing there for a very long time by myself, and that means that you ditched me. No, I know. Like, I've been ditched lots of times before, and I understand what it feels like. It's terrible. I feel that way. I had an emergency, and so I didn't know how to explain it at the time.

There wasn't a way that that would have been done. Okay, it was weird enough that you left me standing there to go buy a present or whatever, and then you came back and ran right past me. What's your emergency? I can't even understand why this, what's your emergency? Okay, so remember when we were at the restaurant, how much food I ate? Yes, I do. A lot of food. A lot of food. Yeah. So I hadn't eaten all day, and so I had to go, like, worse than I ever have in my life, completely unprecedented. Did not know how to deal with it.

To the bathroom? Yeah, to the bathroom. Trying to be polite. To the bathroom. Number two, I had to go, like, emergency, emergency, like, code red. Okay, so as adults, you couldn't say, like, when we're in the restaurant, excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom. See, I didn't have to go at that point. I only had to go when we were walking.

So I was like, I got to go now. I got to go now. We can't have a coffee shop. You could have said, let's grab a coffee and gone to the bathroom there. I know. We're not in second grade. I don't understand why you couldn't have just handled it. I mean, what am I supposed to do here? Hey, I'm about to the bathroom there. I know. I know. We're not in second grade. I don't understand why you couldn't have just handled it. I mean, what am I supposed to do here?

Turn to you and be like, hey, I'm about to crap my pants. I'm going to first date with you, you know? I didn't want to, like, I don't know. Well, I definitely appreciate that you didn't say that, but you could have said something. You could have done anything. Hey, let's go in here together and run away to the bathroom. I wouldn't ask you to come to the bathroom while I have to do that.

I mean, that's like... Okay, Matt, okay. I'm not trying to be so literal here. I'm just saying we could have gone into the building structure at the same time so I wasn't standing outside on the street wondering where you were. That would have made sense. That would have made much more sense. It was really upsetting.

I was having a good time, and I was so frustrated. Then I was cold. Then I got embarrassed because I was completely ditched. I went through so many emotions in that half an hour that should never happen on a first date. I know. I know. I know. I went through a lot of emotions, too, and I feel terrible.

So you're the victim of this whole thing? I'm the one that was in there. No, no, no. You're the victim. You're the victim. You're the victim. I'm sorry. No, you're the victim of this whole thing? I'm the one that was in there. No, no, no. You're the victim. You're the victim. You're the victim. I'm sorry. No.

You're the victim. My emotions don't matter. That's not the point. You're the one that had the issues. I was ditched. I'm the one that went home and told my friends I will never do internet dating again because look what this guy did to me. I'm the one.

You know what? I figured that. I figured you were probably telling your friends. And that's fine. You should tell everyone. I understand that. I want to were probably telling your friends, and that's fine. You should tell everyone. I understand that. I want to go on another date with you, and I don't care if that's the story that always gets told. If the bathroom was what you were trying to do and you had to go do it, why wouldn't you come back?

We were going to go to the fair. I don't get that. I don't understand. In all honesty, the reason I didn't come back is that I sh** my pants. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I feel like I'm talking to a child right now. I'm telling you the truth.

Okay, well, sometimes, and I've never said this out loud, but sometimes it's better to lie than give that many details. So, Amanda, you'd prefer? I don't know that about you, so this is how I figure that out. Ianda you'd prefer i don't know that about you so you know this is how i figured that out i don't know i know that i would rather anything but knowing that you i can't even say it like come on amanda that's what happened hey at least he's honest you know that he he told us about your date said that he loved going out with you he really enjoyed it and thought you were awesome but he had an unfortunate situation where his body was not working with him,

and he kind of ruined his pants, and he tried to go home and do this all in a timely manner, but at that point, you were done. I don't even tell you, I knocked down an old man, too, when I opened the door, and everyone hated me.

Everyone hated me. So you crapped your pants. I'll tell you everything. You crapped your pants. You knocked an old man down. You ditched a girl you claimed to be having a good time with. And you never communicated any of this

with anybody. I'm going to say you have some issues and I'm not ready to go out with you. It's not going to happen. Amanda, are you sure? Because I would like to ask if you'll go out on a second date with Matt. We will pay for it. Come on. I don't think it's going to be a good idea. Weird. From the recap that you just said,

it sounded like a fantastic time. I'm surprised that you're saying no. That's all that's true. All that's true. And good news is you know that the worst, like the worst that could go with me is that. That's the bottom. Wait a minute.

I'm sorry. I can't let you finish. That's the first date. How is this the worst that it's going to be? It's supposed to be the very best ever. But it's all uphill from here, Amanda. How are you guys siding with him? I don't understand this. Stuff happens, bro. Whatever.

If a girl crapped her pants on a date, none of you would ever talk to her again. Yeah, that's very true. I would. I absolutely would. I'd feel so much more comfortable if a girl crafter to answer burps or do anything gross. Well, you would. You would, because that's your thing. It was just one time. Alright, well, so Amanda, no, you don't want

to go out with him again. It's not going to happen. I will use it as an example of what not to do for the rest of my life. Broken Jubal in the morning. If the bathroom was what you were trying to do and you had to go do it, why wouldn't you come back? We were going to go to the fair. I don't get that.

I don't understand. In all honesty, the reason I didn't come back is that I sh** my pants. Oh, my God. That was a clip from today's second date update. If you missed it, Matt wanted to call this girl Amanda. He knew exactly why she wasn't calling back. She didn't know that he had an accident during the date, but what did happen was they went out to eat,

and then they were walking somewhere. He had to go really bad. He tried to go to one bathroom. It was closed. Then had to sprint past her to go to a restaurant's bathroom and ended up actually getting something on his pants and then tried to go home to change them. But basically ended up ditching her for like 40 pants and then tried to go home to change them. But basically

ended up ditching her for like 40 minutes while he tried to figure the whole situation out. She texted him and was like, I'm done with the date. We got her on the phone. She still didn't want to go out with him because he just ditched her instead of being honest like, hey, had a little bit of an accident. Maybe we could reschedule this for next time. But people are texting in at

78592 and they're totally on his side. Almost every single text that has come in say, oh my God,92, and they're totally on his side. I cannot believe this. Almost every single text that has come in say, oh my God, he's adorable. Crappy pants or not, I'll go out with him. How are people okay with adults pooping themselves on a first date? Well, it happens.

No, it doesn't happen. I've never pooped myself. Yes, I have to go to the bathroom sometimes, but I've never done it in my pants. It happens more than you think. Another text in at 78592 says, I think Amanda should have given him a second chance. She's being way too hard

on him. No one can control what happens to their body sometimes. But even if, he never texted her once in those 40 minutes saying, hold on, I had an emergency. I have to run home. I think either way. I wouldn't know how to handle that either

because if you're honest, she's like, gross, I don't want to see this guy again. Just say you had an emergency. You don't have to go into detail about what happened to your pants. How fake is that sound? It sounds like you're lying. So either way, he's screwed. But good news is, a lot of people texting in at 78592

would love to date Mr. Crappy Pants. So that's good. If you want a second date update, all you have to do is just email us. We'll call the person who didn't call you back. We're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's

because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast.

Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline Podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025.

I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.