Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Crab Man

Episode Date: September 4, 2020

Seth had a surprise guest show up during his date... His EX-WIFE. This obviously ruined the night...But can we help him recover?!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.

Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bread and butter wines pair with the life moments you love. Offering a rich and jammy Cabernet Sauvignon, a silky smooth Pinot Noir, and a buttery Chardonnay. Bread and butter wines are delicious. Find bread and butter wines in your favorite store. Moving 92.5. Second date update. Whenever people hear someone's an artist, there's a lot of stereotypes that come with that. You know, that they're financially strained. Yeah. They can't hold down a real job. hear someone's an artist, there's a lot of stereotypes that come with that.

You know, that they're financially strained. Yeah. They can't hold down a real job. Uh-huh. They never dress properly. They're socially awkward. Yeah, true. Do lots of drugs and alcohol.

Oh, yeah. Now we're talking about artists. Sounds like a good life. I mean, they're basically one step above radio people. Yeah. Maybe that's why I'm envious. More respect. Yeah. Because we're all those things, but at least the artists have a little bit radio people. Yeah. Maybe that's why I'm envious. More respect. Because we're all those things, but at least the artists have a little bit of talent.

Oh, but I have a quote problem. Yeah. Like, come on, I'm an artist. Nobody ever says you got a face for art either. Right. You know? So I feel very, very honored to be speaking with a real artist who needs our help with a second date update today. His name is Seth.

What's up, Seth? Hey, how's it going? Oh, you're too happy to be an artist. Are you trying to be Bob Ross or something? No, no, that's where the drugs come in. Oh, okay. Yeah, like I was saying, we're not all moody and depressed people,

but some of us do actually make a living selling our paintings. That's awesome. That's impressive. You're a painter then? I am, yeah. I have a specialty, actually. I've developed this sort of niche for myself over the years. I've been painting pictures

of crabs. They do okay. That's cool. If we go to the art expo and we ask for the guy with crabs, they'll point us in your direction. Right, right. That does cool. Okay, so if we go to the art expo and we ask for the guy with crabs, they'll point us in your direction. Right, right. That does happen. It's not like crabs like you might be thinking.

It's sort of like crabs as if they were like members of society. I like it. It's like the dogs that are playing poker, but instead it's crabs. Exactly. Like crabs on a taxi, crabs getting a tattoo, you know. I actually have one which I thought was really kind of ironic. Crabs at a restaurant ordering lobster. Oh, the irony, the symbolism there.

Didn't you call that a date, though? I mean, this is great. I just want to talk about your, I think we're talking to like, you know, in a hundred years, people are going to look back on Seth kind of like Leonardo da Vinci, like underappreciated in his time. And your crab paintings are going to sell for millions of dollars. Legendary name Seth. The great Seth. We didn't know how great he was. That's the crab man.

The crab man. But no, I am calling about a date because I had a recent experience, and maybe you guys can help me out with this. Okay. Well, what's the name of the woman that you went out with? Her name is Michaela. And at an art expedition, I was selling my paintings and she was very interested in one. And actually, she bought one from me, which was super cool.

All right. So you were able to pay for the dinner when you guys went out. It's nice to give woman crabs on the first meeting, but that's cool. Did you ask her out? Is that something you typically do with customers? She bought the painting and then she just kind of hung around. We were talking. She was just asking me about my work.

I started flirting with her a little bit. I started using some jokes that I tell, the crab jokes. I'll give you an example. What do you call it? A crab has a part-time job. What? A side hustle.

Because it hustles to the side because crabs move sideways? Yeah. Anybody? That's a highbrow crab joke. Yeah. I didn't get it. It's a little bit of a dad joke there. Yeah.

Anyway, so she and I are talking, and we actually bonded over our mutual love of coffee. We both drink a whole lot of it. Coffee, okay. I mean, like eight to ten cups a day. Dang. No wonder you're talking so much. Yeah. Yeah, I've already had about four cups so far.

Wow. A couple months ago, I bought a really high-end quality espresso maker. It cost me about $2,000. It's amazing. Oh, damn. So I told her about it, and she said that she wanted to see it, you know, and I said, well, great, that's my in, you know. And so I said, well, if you'd like to, after I close up here today,

you know, we can come over and I'll make you a cup of coffee and we can hang out a little bit, you know. I mean, that's honestly the least innocent cup of coffee date I've ever heard. Yeah. I mean, that's an old cliche when you invite someone up to your place for a cup of coffee. Yeah. But you're talking an actual cup of coffee. Yeah, come for the coffee, leave with crabs.

Yeah. Oh. All right. Yeah, anyway, so she comes over, and I fire up the machine. I make a couple of espressos. I steam some milk, you know, and ask her how she likes it. I've got not just a maker, but I've got a whole set there that I could just make any kind of coffee drink imaginable. Okay, so you've got Starbucks inside your apartment.

Literally. So was she impressed? So she was really impressed. She said she loved it, you know. We talked for a little while, and then she decided that, you know, she had to go home for some reason. You know, personally, I think that we were starting to connect. We were having sort of a spark, a moment between us. And I don't think she wanted to take it so soon.

I mean, she may have not even thought that this was a date. Yeah. So was there any part of this experience that was very romantic for you? Yeah. Well, I feel like there was a strong connection. It was flirty, you know? It was just there. Yeah, you say that, but she's not calling you back.

So you obviously read something a little wrong. Can you think of something that went wrong? Well, I don't know. I mean, like, when she started to leave, I took her downstairs to get her Uber. I tried kissing her, but she pulled back from the kiss. So that didn't work out so well. I actually hit her head on the car as she pulled back. Like, no, she didn't hurt herself.

You know, it was just a little bump, you know. I just picture her, like, trying to climb into an Uber, and you're leading over, following her with a kiss, and she's, like, trying to scramble away as fast as you can. That sounds so terrible. I swear I'm not a creeper. Yeah, you don't seem creepy. Yeah, I mean, nothing about what you've described sounds like it would be a reason for her to not call you.

Is there anything awkward or weird that happened during your encounter? Okay, there was one point where we bumped into my ex-wife, but it really was like no big deal. Wait a minute. How did you gloss over that? I mean, I thought for sure it was hitting the head while trying to escape a kiss, but where did the ex-wife come in? Yeah, it really wasn't a big deal. I mean, it was quick. My ex and I, we've been divorced for about five months, and we just ran into her. She said hi.

It was nothing. I can't imagine that had anything to do with it. Yeah, I can. I can imagine real easily that it had anything to do with it. Yeah, I can. I can imagine real easily that it had something to do with it. All right. Well, we're going to play a song. We'll come back and we'll call Michaela for you and try and get you your second date update. Okay.

I appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right. If you're just tuning in, we're on the phone with Seth, a.k.a. The Crabs Guy. Self-proclaimed, by the way. Which, it's not a reference to his romantic history. Seth's an artist that specializes in painting crabs in human-like situations.

I love it. I want to buy one. I kind of like it, too. You know, one pincher's bigger than the other. It just kind of makes a funny dynamic. Yeah, just imagine crabs playing basketball, crabs eating tacos. Oh, crabs eating tacos! Yeah, you imagine crabs playing basketball, crabs eating tacos. Oh, crabs eating tacos! Yeah, you get it. He does all the funny things that crabs do in human situations.

So Seth met a woman named Michaela while selling his art in an expo, and they had a nice day together. She bought one of his paintings. They bonded over their mutual addiction to coffee. He even showed her his $2,000 espresso machine back at his place. And there was an awkward moment at the end of the night where he tried to kiss her at her Uber, and she pulled back

and ended up hitting her head on the car door. But beyond that, he's not really sure what could have caused this date to import. Yeah, he like nonchalantly adds at the end that he ran into his ex-wife oh right he's only been divorced from for like five minutes yeah or five months whatever same difference yeah he did drop

that in there too so one of those things must be the reason no wonder he can't figure it out what are you feeling here seth yeah i don't know i i really hope that you guys can convince her to see me again i think she was a lovely person and we we hit it off, and we had a great time. You didn't describe your interaction with your ex-wife at all. Like, it feels like we need some sort of background on that before we call this girl. Honestly, it was so inconsequential. I mean, it was nothing. It was just sort of like a hi and bye kind of moment.

Okay. Okay. I don't know. I mean, it's only five months. Whatever. Let's call Michaela and see what she has to say because we could speculate about this all day. We just got to get to the bottom of it and make a call.

You ready to do this, Seth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Let's dial the phone number right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Michaela, please? This is her.

Hi, Michaela. My name is Jeffrey from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. You have a second to talk with us? What is this about? Well, we do a segment on our show called a Second Date Update. That's where if you go out with someone and afterwards, if they're not calling you back,

you can email our show and we'll reach out to that person for you to figure out the reason why okay and what does this have to do with me so recently we got an email from a guy who's frustrated because he's been trying to get a hold of you and you're not calling him back his name's seth. Seth? Seth, yeah. Oh. The artist that you bought the crab painting from? So chill. I mean, it did sound like a chill hangout with him.

Yeah, no, it was cool. I bought a painting. It's cute. It's crabs bowling. He didn't tell us what painting you bought. That sounds awesome. It's cute. I like it.

All right. Well, he told us a little bit about you guys hanging out, and he said from his end, it all seemed like you guys had a great time together, and he's not sure why you're avoiding his phone calls. Really? He didn't mention anything? Well, he did mention a few things that he's worried might have ruined things,

but we'd like to hear what happened from your perspective. Okay. Well, I don't know how much he told you. He's a crab painter. I met him at an art show. He had all his crabs on display. It was cute. He's like one of the quirky artist type guys.

I picture him with curly hair for some reason. Anybody else? I don't know. I'm not sure. Does he have curly hair? You know what? He does. I knew it.

Dude. I knew it. That's the problem. He has curly hair. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying he's quirky. Like, we did talk to him, and he is kind of a little nutty for sure. Yeah.

Like most artists. But he's nutty, man. I feel like that's not a nice thing to say. It's not bad. He just sounds like he drinks a lot of coffee, too. He's fun. He's, you know, he's an art guy. And I'm kind of like that, too.

I'm like a little weird, a little out there. So what exactly is the problem, though? Like what went wrong where you're not interested in seeing him again? Well, if he told you about our date and what happened i'm sure you can kind of guess what the problem was i mean he told us about the attempted kiss at the end of the date where you knocked your head on an uber trying to get away from him yeah you know at that point i kind of was just over it and ready to ready to head home, so it happened earlier.

Yes. So did he tell you about the whole wife thing? Yeah, he said ex-wife, yeah, that there was a quick run-in. Like a high-and-bye thing. Yeah, he kind of downplayed it as like a five-minute or just quick, like, high-bye. It was kind of weird, but you guys moved on. Okay, yeah. So here's what really happened. So we head over to his place, and he wants to show me his $2,000 espresso machine. I'll have a cup of coffee, whatever. Cool. So as soon as we get in, we walk over to the kitchen and there's a woman.

There's a woman in his kitchen. Yeah, yeah. She's like cooking something or fixing something. I don't know what she was doing, but it was a little it's just like, oh, hey, you know, this is Michaela. Hey, how you doing? Okay. And so I'm guessing you were assuming this is as a roommate or something. Or like a friend. So I'm like, who is that? Like, why is there a chick in your kitchen? He goes, oh, that's my ex-wife. Oh, wait. I'm like, what? What do you mean? I ran into my ex-wife. It i'm like what what do you mean i ran into my ex-wife happened in the kitchen so like once she left the room i was like who is she like what what is this weird

three-company dynamic going on like what is this and so it's being very just like nonchalant about it like it's no big deal you know she's uh my ex-wife we've been divorced for like five months now she's a mail-order bride and uh it didn't work out oh my god hold on a second were those the words he used yes verbatim she's a mail-order bride so she's someone who married him to get a green card or a visa to come to the States. I don't know the situation with that. Hey, can I say something? Can I clear something up, please?

Hey, Michaela, we didn't wait to call him in, but he messed it up. We need to tell you that Seth's been on the other line listening and he heard everything that you said. Are you serious? Yeah. Seth, you're supposed to wait. Michaela, I thought I i explained to you okay when when when she came over to this country and yeah she was a mail order bride it just didn't work out can you even use that phrase like i don't get it like you got paid to marry her she paid you where did this what happened it's an arrangement she wanted to come here and we communicated and emailed back and forth,

and we thought we would give it a try. And, you know, it just didn't work out romantically. We realized we weren't a match that way. So if you're divorced, doesn't she have to go back? We're trying to figure it out. I feel bad because I brought her over here. So what I've been doing is I've actually communicated with the company that arranged us, and we're trying to find her a different mail-order husband

somewhere in the area. She's not like a rescue dog, okay? You don't just, like, pair her with a new house. It's just like those ads, like, singles in your area want to marry you. And I'm pretty sure this is highly illegal. I didn't know you guys were going to call him. I thought we were just talking about what happened.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I love your crabs. You're a nice guy. But, you know. Michaela, look, is there anything that I could do? I would really like to see you again.

I thought that we really connected. Next time we get together, I can actually make sure that she's not there. I'll give her a text ahead of time. That's convenient. Thank you. Listen, maybe you should just focus on rehoming your mail order bride. Oh, my God, this is terrible. I think there are different possibilities and different ways that relationships pan out, you know.

And I just thought that you and I really connected. And I'm so glad you appreciate my art. And I really want to share things with you. And it would be really nice if we could see each other again, you know. See, look, he's honest. But he still lives with his ex-wife. We realize we're just not compatible that way, you know. We will sleep together, but there's no emotions there.

No, not sleep. Seth, why are you dropping that? I was, like, on board with you. Why are you doing that? It was like on board with you. Why are you doing that? It's emotionless though, Brooke. Because I want you to, I just want you to understand that she's really no big deal. Yeah. How would she feel if she heard you say that? She doesn't speak English. She couldn't understand. You guys, I don't know what to tell you, Michaela. I was, I was almost on board. What do you think? We'll offer to send you and Seth out on another date.

We'll pay for it. Yeah, it's going to be a no. I mean. Yeah, it's going to be a no? Yeah. There's a yeah and a no in there. Let's not close the book on this chapter. Come on.

I know we can have some connection. Listen, how about next time you're having a show, you can text me, and I'll pop in and check out your crabs. All right? Okay. No to the crab. Okay, yes. Is that successful?

I guess it's as good as it gets. If that's all I can get, I'll gladly see you again at my next art show. Okay. Well, there you go. And I hope you love your crab bowling. I've never been happier about a man giving me crabs before. It's crabtivating, if anything. Moving 92.5.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. or wherever you get your podcasts. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet,

hey, now's your chance. You've got gotta check them out listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts