Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: English Bloke

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

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Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the i for a second date update today isn't getting a call back. Really?

Because he could be the worst person on the planet. And no matter what, an American girl will call him back. You know why? Yeah. Because he's an Englishman. Yeah, I American girl will call him back. You know why? Yeah. Because he's an Englishman. Yeah, I knew he'd have an accent. Yep. And so he could be a murderer and just be like, I don't care.

The accent is so hot, I have to go out with him again. His name is James. James, how are you? Well, I'm good, mate. How are you? Not too bad. Thank you very much for emailing us and agreeing to do a second date update. Absolutely.

I'm glad you couldn't help me out, maybe. Yeah, for sure. Like I said, I'm surprised that this girl isn't calling you back. I'm guessing... How long have you been in this country? A couple of years. Just two and a half years now. Okay, and I'm guessing, in your experience, it's probably pretty easy in the bars and the clubs when you meet girls with that accent,

isn't it? Yeah, there's not been a problem so far. Yeah, I know. I had an English guy hit on me once. He was so ugly and I was still flattered by it. I was like, oh my God, he likes me. He's talking to me. And she's married, so. I did have to turn him down because of that, but whatever. So you're not getting a call back from a girl. Her name is Sarah?

Yeah, that's right. All right. And how did you meet her? We actually met through Tinder. Okay. Okay. Nice. And, you know, I mean, it's just, it's not something that we do very often, although I do very often, but, you know, I met her through Tinder.

We agreed to meet up, so I drove over to pick her up and we went, you know, downtown for a couple of drinks, had something to eat. We spent a couple of hours together. It was good. You know, we had a really good time. She was really cool, like really easy to hang out with, you know? Let me ask you a question. For a guy like you who has an accent that you know

American women love is it annoying do they sit there and harp on it the whole time that's what I picture happening is like oh it's a couple of times you know but like Sarah was just you know she didn't really even pay that much attention to it you know it was kind of cool and I do feel like if you're a more well-traveled person you you're probably not going to care quite as much. Right, right. Yeah, she seems really, you know, really, really cool. I'm just, I'm shocked. What did you like about her so much?

Like I said, she was just really easy to hang out with, you know? Like you mentioned about other chicks that, like, you know, harp on the accent or always talk about themselves or, you know, always, you know, she was really easy to talk to. She listened to what I had to say. She had the stuff that she had to say was really interesting. It was like a quality date, you know. It was like we'd known each other a couple of months or something. Was there like one moment during the date where you're like, she's definitely into me?

Definitely into me? Yeah, like a moment where she showed how interested she was. I mean, it seemed like that from the very start, you know? So why do you think she's not calling you back then? I honestly don't know. The only thing, this is going to sound stupid, but the only other thing that I can think about is that I just bought a new car

and my parallel parking skills are not really up to par. It took me like five or six times to gain space, and then I was freaking out about that, and then at some point she even asked me, she was like, do you need me to do that for you? Do you need me to get out and help you park the car, you little Englishman? I know.

I was like well embarrassed. And then I tried to explain about the other side of the road is not doing me many favors, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I get out of the car, and then well embarrassed. And then, you know, I tried to explain about the other side of the road is not doing me many favors. Anyway, I get out of the car, and then I walk into the restaurant, and I forget to open the door for her to get out. Okay. Oh, no. You know, if that's something to go by, then I don't know. That might be the only problem.

That is a terrible feeling when you're on a date, and you're having trouble parallel parking, because then you just start to get hot under the collar, and you're embarrassed, and you're just like... It was awful. And it's always in front of a crowded window of people, too. So it's not just your date watching you, but about 200 other strangers. Right. So the only thing that you can think of that might have gone bad on your date is the fact that you had trouble parallel parking and didn't open her door.

Yep. That seems silly, though. That was at the beginning. How did the end of the date go? It was good. Everything was great. You know really it was really great full of smiles full of happiness there wasn't one awkward moment during the night

when no one had anything to say or you know did you guys kiss yeah yeah you did okay what kind of kiss though like a real quick peck on the lips or a full i mean just a little bit more than that you know it wasn't it wasn't anything you know hot and heavy but you know it was it was a good night kiss and what was the last thing that you guys said to each other? I said, I'll be in touch. And she said, okay, that'd be great. Okay. And has she responded at all to any of your text messages?

Not one. Nothing. And how many times have you tried to reach her? I've texted her like three or four times and called her twice. And did you tell her like, oh, that kiss made my heart skip a beat or anything like that? No, no, I didn't say anything like that. I mean, I met the girl on Tinder, you know? Yeah, not exactly going to be like,

I think you're the love of my life from that kiss. All right, well, we'll play a song, come back, call her and get your second date update, okay? Okay, sounds good. Okay, hang on. Cheers, mate. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the morning.

Second date update. Hello, love. And welcome back to today's royal edition of the second date update. I'd be your host, Jubal Flagg, and today we're talking to Sir James of Update. He went out with a lovely young lass he met on Tinder, took her out for drinks, hoping that later he'd be able to show her his throbbery. Wow.

But he was unsuccessful in getting the knickers on the floor back at his flat. So that's what they call it. So now he is on the phone wondering what went wrong. And James, I never asked you, what is your occupation? I would assume chimney sweep? I never... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks for that.

Yeah, yeah. I work for Mary Poppins, and I've got a smoking car called Chi Chi Van Dack, too. James is on the phone. James is English, yes, so of course I have to mess with him A little bit Because it's weird To us Americans

When we hear an accent Yeah But he did go out With a girl named Sarah And Sarah isn't Calling him back Which is weird to me Because I would think

Any guy with an English accent Or Australian accent In America Just kills it Yeah accent in Japan Vietnamese accent Whatever Any sort of accent

Usually does very well with the American women. But she's not calling him back. He thinks the reason that he's not getting a call back is because he had trouble parallel parking. So much to the point where she was like, hey, do you want me to do it for you? And then he didn't open her door. But that's the only thing you can think of. Other than that, they had a great time. We're about to call her and find out if, in fact, he did something wrong on the date James you ready to go I am can I ask you one question James you don't

fall into the stereotype of bad British teeth do you know that's a myth that the whole thing is like we don't all walk around like Austin Powers you know before I wouldn't call it a myth, but I'm glad that you're not there. No, absolutely not. Okay. All right, well, I'm going to dial her phone number right now and get your second date update, okay?

Okay, sounds good. All right, here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Sarah, please? This is she. Hey, Sarah, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. I'm good.

What's going on? I'm at work. I'm good. Just calling to check in with some of our listeners. Do you listen to the show? Yeah. No, I listen to you. I'm just shocked. I'm good. Just calling to check in with some of our listeners. Do you listen to the show? Yeah. No, I listen to you. I'm just shocked you're calling me.

It's just kind of random. Any idea why I might be calling you? Honestly, no. Well, the reason I'm calling you today is one of our listeners sent us an email about you. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay. It's somebody that you went on a date with recently his name is james oh god okay okay and so it sounds like you know james he says that you guys met on tinder and went out for drinks and

had a fun time but you haven't been answering any of his phone calls or text messages so he asked us to get you on the phone and ask if he did something wrong. Okay, look, I don't know if I need to do this on the radio. Like, I don't want to embarrass him. Well, that's okay. He wants to be embarrassed. He's the one that emailed us. I think he wouldn't really

appreciate me calling him out on it. Okay, but listen, we talked to him and he's prepared to hear anything that you have to say. Is he on the line right now? If you're worried about embarrassing him, I mean, he's asking for it, basically. He said he's okay with that. And I have to know this explanation because he sounds lovely with an accent.

I don't know why you would turn this dude down. Yeah, see, that's exactly the problem. I just, I don't buy it. What? You don't buy it. What? You don't, you don't buy what? I don't buy his whole I'm British thing. You think he's faking it? I studied abroad.

I lived in the UK for a couple years. I think he's faking being British because it's something that works. And we met on Tinder. You can be anybody on Tinder. It's true, though. Why do you think the whole accent thing everything is just a lie? Absolutely.

Was there like a hint when he was talking that you're like, oh, gotcha. I mean, didn't you guys, you said you talked to him. Didn't you hear it for yourself? It's pretty bad. It sounds like he's English to me. Hey, can I have a little dicky bird now? Can I have a word or what?

Wait, is that him? Yes, it is. He's actually on the phone. You asked me a second ago and I didn't answer you on purpose because James is on the other line listening. Oh my God. Hello, Sarah. How's it going? See? Are you listening to that? Hello, Sarah. How are you doing?

It sounds legit to me, Sarah. I don't know. I mean, it is legit. It is legit. I don't know what you want. I mean, I could show you my passport. I could, you know, give you my national insurance number. I mean, I don't know what else you want me to, you know, what you need to see.

Yeah, I'm sure you could show me your fake green card and your fake passport and your fake everything else. Yeah, because I've got all the time in the world to sit around and generate fake copies of documents so that I can meet girls on Tinder. I mean, come on. That's exactly the most stupid thing I've ever heard. That's exactly what I think you're doing. No, it's exactly what I think you're doing.

Wow, Sarah, paranoid much love. Oh, way to be all patronizing. That's going to make me want to go out on a second date with you. I mean, at this point, it's really, you know, it's, I mean, it's neither here nor there now, is it? I mean, you think

I'm a complete fake, so I might as well just go boss to the wall. You know? Yeah, I don't think you're fake. I know you're fake. And you're laying out pretty thick

with the whole parallel parking job. Oh, I can't, I can't park the car because it's on the right side of the road. That's a pretty good accent, Sarah. That's a pretty good accent.

You should try faking it and meeting people on Tinder. Okay. Just give it up. Your accent is so fake. I don't know what else to tell you. I've got nothing else to go with. This is me. Come on, just give it up, dude.

And you have really two perfect teeth for somebody who's British anyway. I mean, and this is me. You know, I'm a British. Come on, just give it up, dude. And you have really two perfect teeth for somebody who's British anyway. I mean, and this is crazy. I've never read anything like it. Here, if you need me to, like, call my parents in London or something, you can have a little word with them. They can tell you who I am. Oh, sure. I mean, I'll call International.

Hell, we can Skype if we want to. And they can sit there, oh, couple, cheerio, who's this? Are you dating James? Oh, she sounds lovely, James. Let's invite her over for tea. All right, see, we're crossing the line. This is outrageous, Sarah. Like, I don't know what the f*** it is you want me to do,

but, I mean, this is just bloody ridiculous, mate. You know, anything you say, anything you say, I'll do to prove to you. I don't know how to get you to prove that you're faking it, but there's just something slightly untrustworthy about you. Wow. I just, I don't know, mate. I don't know.

I'm at the end of my tavern now. Sarah, I'm confused. You liked him on the date, right? Well, I liked him when I met him on Tinder. Until then, we met in person, and he started faking his British accent. I don't get this. Why would I fake a British accent? You've already said that I'm a pretty good-looking guy, and I've got

perfect teeth, and I've got, you know, everything else. So I wouldn't really have a problem getting dates, would I? You know? I mean, the accent... That's the accent. You're attractive enough on your own. I don't feel like you have to lay it on that thick. You do have nice teeth and you are attractive, which is why you don't need to fake the accent because you have some other stuff going for you already.

What are you talking about, Sarah? Are you a dialect coach now or something? I'm English. I'm from London. Crystal Palace. SW 16. What else do you need to know? James, it doesn't sound like Sarah is going to believe you no matter what.

For the record, James, I believe you that you're British. I'm convinced. Thank you. Okay, what neighborhood are you from? I just said that. Crystal Palace. Sounds made up to me. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Google it. Google it. Oh, my God, Sarah. Google it. There's a football team. There's a football team. I lived right on Church Road, right up to the football stadium.

It would be called Church Road, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. Sure. Okay. Hey, Sarah, I would love to ask you if he'll go out on a second date with James. I don't think he can drop the accent because I have a feeling that it's real. Are you willing to go out with him again? Sarah, do it.

Don't sabotage this. Yeah. Nope. What? No. No, I can't. I'm not going to waste my time with somebody who wants to be a charlatan and whine to my face. And I don't need that. I don't know how he's convinced you guys, but he certainly hasn't convinced me.

And I wasn't born yesterday. I'm not going to waste my time. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe you're doing this. You are having a laugh. Sorry, James. No second date for you, man. I just don't know what to say, Sarah. I don't know what to say. You know, you missed out, love. You missed out.

That's all right, James. I'm sure there are plenty other girls on Tinder that they have to do. Drop the knickers for you any time. Wow. This girl. Wow. Well, thanks a lot for your time, both of you. We appreciate it.

Sarah, better luck on Tinder and finding, like, a real American guy who's not faking it like James is. I'm not faking this thing. Oh, what a... Hey, hey, listen up, right? Listen, I'll send you, just for shits and giggles, I'll send you everything. I'll send you everything.

My passport, my green card, I'll send you everything. Just so that you know, you know? I mean, I'll show you the tattoo My passport, my green card. I'll send you everything just so that you know. I mean, I'll show you the tattoo of the Union Jack on the end of my p***y if you want. I hope you actually have that. That would be amazing. Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You.

This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts.