Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Flat Bottom Girls

Episode Date: May 9, 2017

Everyone has a list of deal breakers for dating... They're too short, they work too much, they don't want kids... There are several reasons to explain why a date just won't work out. But the guy in this Second Date Update has a deal breaker that is seriously the strangest we have ever heard... We don't think there is one man that would agree with him, it's THAT crazy. Listen to the podcast.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. $1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts, the untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast, the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer.

If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune into my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Right now. Moving 92.5.

Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update. The girl on the phone for a second date update today met her date at a place that is synonymous with romance. I'm of course talking about Chipotle Mexican Grill. That's right. They went out to share a little burrito at Chipotle. The best first date spot I've ever heard of. Kara, what's up? How are you? Hi, I'm good. How's it going? Good. You went all out for your first date. I know.

I know. I know you think it's funny we went to Chipotle, but it's, you know, no pressure. Okay, wait. Was that your idea or was that a surprise? It was like a mutual agreement. Okay. So where'd you guys meet? We met on Bumble.

Oh, yeah. Bumble, the app where women choose the dudes. My girlfriends love that one. They swear by it. Yeah, we're in charge. That's the best part. Yeah, right? How did Chipotle come up as a first date spot?

I'm just curious. Not that it's bad. I like Chipotle a lot. I just wouldn't think of going there on a date. Well, we both like Mexican food. After texting a while, we came across that being our favorite cuisine. And there's nothing more authentic than Chipotle for real sex. It fills me up.

I love it. And plus it's like no pressure because I'm meeting a guy off of a dating app. So I mean, it's Chipotle. A lot of people are around. If it doesn't work out, I can just bounce. Yeah, you can just get out of there. It's pretty smart the more you explain it. Thank you.

You're welcome. So what's his name? His name is Michael. Michael. And did you like him a lot? Yeah. Well, you know, when I chose him, it was like he has a really nice smile. He seemed like he's not as creepy as the other guys that were in my match.

So. I love it. It's all about comparisons in life, right? And you're not as creepy as the rest of them. So you win. How was he as a person? Cool? Yeah, he was really cool.

I mean, we just got in line and, you know, we both got burritos and we started chatting about small things like traveling and what we're getting in our burritos. It's a load. Always a conversation starter. That's how you know if it's a true match. If you guys clash too much in your Chipotle order, it's not going to work. He did pay for my extra guac.

Wow, that's nice. He went pay for my extra guac. Oh. Wow, that's nice. Yeah. He went all out. Someone's got a job. Was there, like, any awkward moments at all? I would say the moment when I was eating my burrito in mid-conversation, and it just, like, busted open and flew on the front of my shirt. Oh, no.

Oh, you had a blowout? Yeah, I did, and I had a white shirt on. Oh, that sucks. Burrito blowouts are the worst. What did he do? Did he try to help you, or did he feel bad? Well, I was laughing, like that awkward laugh, because I was embarrassed.

But he got some napkins for me, and he awkwardly was rubbing in that area. So that was kind of you know in her boob area so he was actually rubbing it off your shirt he was and i'm like okay let me grab that napkin i got it don't worry okay that's kind of strange did it like weird you out well i don't think he was trying to be perverted i I mean, everyone was really staring at me, so he just was trying to help out. And it looked like a painting was on my shirt.

So it was bad. Yeah, it was definitely bad. It was everywhere. On the ground, on my pants, a little bit of my hair. It was bad. In your hair? Wow. Yeah, I had my hair down, so it got in there as well. Oh my gosh. It was like a burrito atomic? Wow. Yeah, I had my hair down, so it got in there as well. Oh, my God.

Man. It's like a burrito atomic bomb went off. Did you recover after that, or was the date pretty much over at that point? I mean, I told him I needed to go home and change, because there's no way I could continue eating and pretend like nothing is going on on my shirt. So he walked me outside, and then he just said something that was just kind of like weird and it was super odd i don't know what did he say he said it was really fun hanging out with me and it was fun meeting new friends new friends new friends yeah so did it feel like he was just

throwing you in the friend zone right there well i think maybe he just wasn't trying to put too much pressure on us too soon. And he probably was nervous, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like you're already at Chipotle. There's not a lot of pressure to begin with. You don't need to throw in the friends line. I know, I know.

But I have friends who, like, you know, they're best friends with someone, and they are in a relationship, and it works. So, I mean, who knows? Maybe we can be best friends eventually. Best friends? Best friends. Well, we'll give it a shot in the second date update. Do you feel like the burrito is the thing that ruined your shot at a second date?

I mean, it's just one mistake. Like, geez, can I get another way to redeem myself? And if anyone's watched any rom-coms, klutzy girls always get the guy. So is that how it ended then? Him just saying, hey, nice to meet you, pal, and then took off? Or did you guys hug, kiss, anything? Well, he gave me a hug. Like, you know that, like, one-armed hug that wasn't, like, a long embrace?

Well, of course. You had burrito all over your shirt. He doesn't want to get that on his clothes. You're right. You're right. I did need to go change. So I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. How many times have you tried to get ahold of him since this date?

I would say probably about five times I've texted him to see if, you know, we could go out again. Maybe not Chipotle. And no response at all? Well, he responds, but he just keeps saying he's busy and having excuses. And then another thing, he keeps calling me Bud. Bud? Like pal? What do you mean? He'll be like, hey, Bud. How are you doing? It sounds like he has definitely put you in the friend zone then.

No, no. I don't think it's that. I mean, I think it's weird that he doesn't want to hang out. But, like, we had a really good connection. So it's really weird. Okay. Well, we'll play a song, come back, call your buddy, and get your second date update, okay? Okay, thank you. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the morning's second date update. If you missed the first part of today's second date update, Cara is on the phone with us, and today she wants to call a guy named Michael, who's not calling her back. And I'll set the scene for you to tell you a little bit about her first date. Imagine this. The two of them, Kara and Michael, were out at a fine dining establishment, a.k.a. Chipotle,

sitting in a corner booth, I imagine, talking about all their interests and their likes. And then she grabbed her burrito, put it up to her mouth, and took a bite, and then... The biggest burrito blowout in history happened. And that's when all hell broke loose. Beans, rice, everywhere. Guacamole strewn about the restaurant.

Panic set in as she had just blown the back of her burrito all over her white shirt, her pants, and even got some of it in her hair. Sure, Michael was a gentleman and grabbed some napkins to try to help her clean it up, but the damage was already done, and the burrito had ruined her first date with Michael. And since then, he has not called her back for a second date, so we're about to get him on the phone and find out if it was the burrito that did her in.

It's funny that you played the sound effects effects because that's exactly how it sounded in the moment. It was a disaster. You're like an action hero. Yeah. All right. I'm going to dial his phone number right now and find out why he won't go on a second date with you, okay?

I hope you guys can reach him. All right. We'll try right now. I'm going to dial this number. Hello? Hello. May I speak to Michael? This is he. Hey, what's up, Michael? How are you? My name is Jubal from Brick and Jubal in the Morning.

Okay. Cool. I'm calling you today because we actually received an email about you from somebody who listens to our show. Uh, okay. Her name is Kara, and you guys went out on a date to Chipotle just a little bit ago. Uh-huh. Yeah, I know Kara. Well, she told us a little bit about your date, but she's also confused because you seem to be avoiding her for a second date. So she wanted us to get you on the phone and find out if something is wrong with her. It's a weird way of putting it, I know.

I was like, weird. But, hey, I mean, is there a reason that you don't want to go on a second date with her? She wanted us to ask. Okay. This is like a thing you guys do? Yeah, it is. It's called a second date update. So Kara wanted us to get you on the phone and ask. I don't really know why she would want to do this.

Because you're like not committing to a date and apparently you're calling her bud. What are you talking about? Yeah, well, she told us at the end of the date how you said something like, I always enjoy meeting new friends. And then you took off and she also said when you text her, you call her bud. So she's concerned that she's been friend zoned by you. I mean, she's got a great personality and I would like to be friends with her. Yeah, but I mean, the thing is, Michael, nobody's on dating apps to be friends.

Like they're looking for dates. I guess that's true. But like, you know, sometimes you meet someone who you who you click with on more of a friend level. And, you know, you you don't necessarily want to date them, but you want to continue being friends. Like I think men and women could be friends. So, you know. Well, I don't I don't think there's any possibility of men and women ever being friends. You do not believe that.

The bottom line, you just feel like you guys are better off being friends and that's it. Yeah. She's very cute. You know, she's just not quite my type, I would say. Okay. So what's your type then? I mean, my friends always make fun of me for it. Make fun of you for it?

They make fun of your type of person you like to date? You know, everybody has their type and I just have a different type than a lot of people. I'm dying to know. An eye patch thing? Oh God, I love people with eye patches. It's always been my thing. Tell me it's eye patches. No, not quite. I don't have a thing for pirates. I promise you we won't make fun of you if you tell us what your type is. I can trust you? No, of course you can't, but you should tell us anyway. Is it like a physical thing or a personality thing? No, it's physical. Okay, so what is it? Okay, here's the thing about Kara. Kara, again, great personality, really wonderful. She's got a little bit too much back for me. Too much back for you?

Like she's a long back? No, like the euphemism for back. Booty? Yeah. What? I mean, yeah. Guys, I told you this was weird. I kind of like girls with flatter backsides, basically.

Wait. What? Basically, what it comes down to is I like flat-bottom girls. You like flat bottom girls. I have never heard of any man ever saying that. That's normally a problem. I know it's weird. It's just my thing.

And look again, Kara was so nice and I really liked her as a friend, but that's just like my, that's my thing. I've always liked that. That is so contrary to everything I've ever heard. No, I, I know this is why all my friends and stuff are constantly making fun of me but like i just like flat backside like i like uh you know why

would you let that stop you from dating someone just because they don't have one physical characteristic that you like i don't know it's in the same way that like you know some guys only date brunettes or whatever this is just you, you know, I've come to realize that, like, my best relationships have been with these types of people. I'm, like, what I'm most attracted to. Yeah, I mean, you can't help it. If you're not attracted to big booties, then you're not going to be attracted to it. I mean, it's not actually just big booties.

I don't even like average. I just, I like them flat. It must be really hard for you to find girls that you are really attracted to. No, you would be surprised. I mean, like, Connecticut is a great place to live. Connecticut? No stairs in Connecticut ever. No one builds up a big butt.

Yeah. Do you take, like, vacations to Connecticut to find girls? No, look, I've been online, and just for some reason, you know, a lot of girls from Connecticut, it's just like a thing. Okay. I don't know. You learn something new every day.

Girls in Connecticut have flat bottoms. What kind of workouts do they do? They don't. They don't do any workouts. That's an honest reason, I guess. You just didn't find her attractive because too much back. That is weird. Look, I understand that it's very strange.

Like, I... But, I don't know. I mean, you like what you like, you know? It's too bad there's not a dating site specifically designed for you and your type. Flatbottom.com or something. I don't know. Maybe I'll come up with it for you. Michael, thank you for being honest. I appreciate it. It's funny. I also feel like

I need to be honest with you now at this point. Kara is actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you right now. She's not on the other line. Come on. Yeah, she is. Kara, you there? Hey. Hey, what's up, Kara?

Big booty ho! Oh, my God. Come on, guys. Are you serious, Michael? Like, is that really the reason why you're not calling me back? Because I have a big booty? No, no. Oh, my God.

It's, look, it's not even big. Like, that is not what I'm saying. Like, this is just my thing. I like flat booty. What is wrong with you? Like, what guy in this world wants a pancake butt? Like, I don't understand. Oh, my God.

This is so embarrassing. Kara, I don't think you should be insulted. I mean, I want your booty from the description of it. Well, I love my booty. I mean, there's plenty of guys that would love to tap this. So, if anything, he's missing out. Wow. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like, you know, for somebody else, for one of my friends, you know, definitely. Like, I think it would definitely work out. Your friends? I don't know. I mean, we're friends. I thought maybe that, you know, I could kind of be like a wingman for you. What? Wow.

Okay. I can't believe this is the reason why you're not texting me back. Like, let's talk about your butt. Like, you have a big butt. Well, you know, and I don't have to be attracted to myself. You're actually going to get a butt reduction, aren't you, Michael? No, I mean, I can't help what I'm attracted to. And look, I'm very sorry.

I think you're really great. Well, I really like you, and it just hurt my feelings, so whatever. Kara, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but it shouldn it hurt my feelings so whatever oh Kara it shouldn't I'm sorry that you feel that way but it shouldn't hurt your feelings you know for most guys your butt is like perfect but it's just not for me you know I mean not everybody likes Nicki Minaj like it's wow some people some people like Taylor Swift that's true that's so. What if I told you something about yourself

that I didn't like? Like your nose. Like your nose is pretty big but I wasn't going to say anything about that. Well, I mean, if you don't like guys with big noses

then you're probably not going to like me. But I really like your personality so I thought I could see past it. Well, you know what? I'm glad this happened

actually because I actually really like you as a person and I want to be friends. So I'm kind of glad this happened. I'm glad this happened, actually, because I actually really like you as a person, and I want to be friends. So I'm kind of glad this happened. I'm glad this is out in the open now. Oh. All right. Well, let's see if I really want to be your friend.

I don't really blame her, though, Michael. I mean, you're being really superficial. I mean, trust me. I understand this, and this is a conversation I've had before with, you know, various friends and stuff. But it's like, you know, you like what you like. That's what I like. Yeah, I mean, if you don't find somebody attractive because of a physical feature, no matter what it is, you just don't find them attractive.

I mean, Kara, again, like, my friends would love your butt. Can I introduce you to a friend of mine? You know, I know a lot of great guys who would love your butt. I mean, it just doesn't work for me, but some of my friends, for sure. Well, I'm not desperate. I know a lot of people that like what I have, too, but that's nice sharing with your friends, okay? Okay, well, I'm not saying that you're desperate.

I'm just saying, you know, like, as your friend, I want to help you. As your friend. I just don't think I really want to be friends with somebody who thinks the way you do. Like, you're a d***bag. Okay. I don't know. Look, you're just being emotional right now because, you know, like, I found this thing that I like, and I just like girls with

flat hindquarters, you know, that's pretty much it. Oh my god, I can't. I know the answer already, but I'm gonna ask the question. Michael, would you like to go out on a second date with Kara? We will pay for it. As friends, I would love to go out with her again. Hey! Alright, well, I don't want to go out on a second date with Kara? We will pay for it. As friends, I would love to go out with her again.

Hey! All right, well, I don't want to go out with you. Oh! You can just go out searching for all the little pancake butts out there. You can even go to f***ing Connecticut if you want to. That's awesome. That's a lot of passion. Yeah, Kara, I'm sorry you didn't get a second date.

But you found out good news. Sounds like you have a nice butt. Yeah! That's true. I already knew that, though. And I can tell you right now, there are a lot of dudes listening to this show right now who are texting in who want a date with you, so don't worry about that. You're going to be fine. Michael,

I don't know about you, though. It's going to be really tough for you to find dates. I mean, I guess so, but if anybody texts you saying they have a flat ass, you know where to find it. Alright, I'll hook both you guys up. Text in 78592. Broken Jubal in the morning.

We learned something very important from today's second date update. If you missed it, the thing that we learned is all the flat bottom girls are in Connecticut. That's where you have to go if you don't like the booty. Apparently, Kara wanted us to call A guy named Michael He wasn't calling back after their date We got him on the phone and the reason That he wasn't calling her back

Apparently Kara has a booty Not a huge booty Not a way too big booty Just a booty And Michael says that his thing Is he likes girls with really flat butts. Which is so strange. But it's also so shallow.

You chalk someone, you write them off all because of just one thing. If you don't find somebody physically attractive you kind of friend zoned her and that's cool. He liked her as a person but he's like we can never date romantically because you got that booty. And I like the flat butts. I have a really flat butt and I feel like I should support him, but I just can't.

This is like one of the few guys that's actually into your type. Whatever. You know what? Somebody texted in at 78592 and said, I'm married to a girl from Minnesota. She has the flattest butt ever. Maybe this guy should go shopping in Minnesota for a lady. So now we need to figure out where in the country do the smallest butts exist? And maybe we can send this guy there

on a vacation so that he can find a girl that is good for him. I feel like my long line of flat butts, it's a genetic thing, comes from Oklahoma. Oklahoma, right. So, I mean, that's where my mom's from.

So we got... My aunt's... Shoot. Connecticut? Nothing there, man. Oklahoma, Minnesota. Where is the mecca of the small butt in America?

Well, maybe we could do like a GoFundMe or something to send this guy there. Because that is a very specific taste. And they agreed to not go out again because he just can't. He's not into it. He just likes a back with legs attached to it. Yes, he does. Remember, if you want to do a second date update, all you have to do is email the show and we will call the person who didn't call you back.

Moving 92.5. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

$1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, vice president of client strategy at athletes. First introducing the athletes first family podcast, the quarterback series, my cohost, Brian Murphy, athletes,

first CEO. And I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to athletes first family podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a

superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.