Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Guru at the Farmers Market

Episode Date: October 23, 2013

Yes! He's back for his 5th Second Date Update... The ONE AND ONLY Guru is determined to find love even if he has to "face hug" every woman in the Pacific Northwest! Can he score a Second Date with Mallory today? Listen to the PODCAST. (Image Courtesy: ZakVTA. Creative Commons)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters.

You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.

Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve,

Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We've done like 250 second date updates. There's a lot of bad dating in this town. There is. a lot of bad dating in this town. There is. A lot of bad dating in this world. A lot of crazy people out there in this world, too. Wow.

I don't think, though, that it would be as popular as it is because this is probably one of the favorite segments on our show. Whenever we're out, people talk to us about it nonstop. I don't think it would be as popular as it is without one person. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And that man would be Guru. Yes! You guys, it's a phone party.

Guru misses you guys. How's it going, Guru? Hey, Guru, I've actually been worried about you, man. Like, I was out the other day at Brick and Jubal Happy Hour, and someone was asking me about you, and I was like, I haven't heard from you in a while. What have you been up to? It's been a long time, man.

Who had a calendar of how long it had been since the last time I talked to you guys? But then I had to recycle it. Okay. So Guru, you haven't been in trouble with the law or on the lam or anything, right? No, Guru keeps his hands clean.

Looking for love, not the law. Alright, that's right. And I assume you met a lovely lady again. And you call in and you talk to Producer Boyd a lot. And he told me that you went on another date with a girl. Okay, tell us about her. Mallory, nice. It's a beautiful name. Yeah, it is.

How'd you meet Mallory, Guru? Okay. It's a beautiful name. Yeah, it is. How'd you meet Mallory Guru? I met her at a farmer's market. Okay. Guru has spent a lot of time at the farmer's market, more and more, playing harmonica, you know, been getting into recycling and organic foods a lot. We support that. And Guru's between jobs. Oh, right. It's a nice environment.

Yeah. So you're down there hanging out, playing harmonica, checking out all the scenery at the farmer's market. How did you meet up with Mallory? Well, Mallory was at the farmer's market shopping, and I spotted her from way across the way. She was looking at flowers, and we went over and made a joke about her aura.

I mean, listen, everything at a farmer's market you need, like cheeses and meats and flowers. Yeah, they got it all. I could smell her aura over all of it. Wow. Smell her aura? Is that a good thing, Guru? Was it a good smell?

Does an aura smell good? Oh, yeah. I told her she smelled like a waterfall. It was over the top of everything else her she smelled like a waterfall. It was over the top of everything else. She smelled like a waterfall. And what was her response, Guru? Oh, she got a good laugh out of Guru. Look, it's not the first time, but it felt like something special.

Guru, did you take the lovely Mallory out on a date? Well, you know, Guru doesn't have a whole lot of scratch right now because, like I said, I'm between jobs. Yeah. So I took on kind of a fun kind of scavenger hunt where I didn't tell her any clues or anything. But we did a lot of stuff that was free. You know, a lot of times free things are better than expensive dates. The good thing about you, Guru, is you are creative when it comes to dating. You think of all the, like you told us about one day you went on, you took a girl to Costco.

So you get the hot dogs and everything else. You took the bus to Costco. You know how to save money and you know how to be creative and you know how to keep a woman interested. Honestly, a scavenger hunt without clues sounds more fun to me than a regular one. What are you hunting for? You're just going to locations. Okay, wait. Give us an example of what you did on this so-called scavenger hunt.

Yeah, well, the first thing we did, we went to a park and we played paper, rock, scissors, and we had a tournament. And I let Mallory win. She was into that, huh, Guru? She liked playing paper, rock, scissors with you. Is it like best two out of three? Oh, she loved it. Okay.

She loved it. She hadn't played since she was a kid. So I thought that was a good sign. Yeah. You know, memories. See, that's the good thing about you, Guru, is you get people to relax and have fun and remind them of the old times. You know what I mean?

So that's why you're like making her play Paper Rocks. Because what else did you do? Oh, I didn't give her any clues for the next one, which was a staring contest. Oh, Guru. She was a great star. And it gave me a chance to look into her eyes. And what did you see when you looked into her eyes? I saw her future. You saw her future.

And was it the reflection of you? And what I was thinking, it's funny you say the reflection, because we went window shopping. And then we went and looked at things, and who said, oh, that's a beautiful scarf for you, Mallory. And then we'd move on. So you just are looking at stuff in windows. Yeah.

You didn't buy anything, though. I like when you're shopping. And in my mouth, I've been talking, you know, all night Guru was parched. Guru's mouth was like a desert in there. You know, get that sticky thing. And Mallory bought Guru a bottle of water. She bought you a bottle of water. She bought you a bottle of water. I know you're thinking the same thing Guru is thinking. That means it's time for a kiss.

Oh, I don't know about that, Guru. It's called wetting the whistle. That's what she was doing, Guru. So as any gentleman would, Guru asked Mallory for a kiss. I always think that's nice. And as any lady might, Mallory said no thank you. Okay. I always think that's nice. A face hug?

What is a face hug? Kind of like your cheeks meet the other side of the woman's head, and we just push our faces together and hold our faces together. So you just, kind of like your cheeks meet, and then you just push your face together. Yeah, it's the cheeks meet, and then it's just a little bit of pressure further beyond that. Okay. How long does your average face hug last, Guru?

Well, it's hard to say, but Guru recommends four to five seconds. For a good face hug. Okay. It's kind of like you connect at that point, you know, and two become one when you do the face hug, right? Yeah, two cheeks become one cheek and that's one being. I get you, man. I understand you completely.

I know you do. It's one call. Yeah. Alright. So you haven't heard from her and we're going to play a song. We're going to come back, and we're going to try to get a hold of her and get your second date update. Okay, Guru? Guru's standing tall today.

I'm ready for Mallory. All right. Just hang on, Guru. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update. So many texts coming in excited that Guru is back on the program. Guru, if you're unaware, has been on four Second Date Updates. None of them successful, right, Guru?

Nothing has worked out for you so far. I will say one thing. Yeah. Winners aren't quitters. That's right. We learned that a while ago, didn't we, Guru? We're about to call a, didn't we, Guru? We're about to call a girl named Mallory who Guru went on a date with.

He met her at a farmer's market. They did a bunch of free stuff because Guru doesn't have a lot of cash right now. Which is fine. They went to a park and played rock, paper, scissors. They had a staring contest. That gets a little weird. They window shopped. He ended the date with a face hug because he went in for a kiss and she wasn't ready for that.

So he just put his cheek against her cheek and pressed their heads together and had what he calls a face hug. That's how good it is with Mallory. Guru, if you believe it, you can achieve it, right? If you believe it, you can achieve it. Guru, that's absolutely right. For Guru these days, speaking of Mallory, the sun comes up twice every day. Twice. We're about to call her. You ready to go, Guru?

I love you, Jubal. Let's do it. You know I love you. All right, here we go. Winners aren't quitters. Winners aren't quitters. Oh, bro. All right.

I just dialed, man. You got to hang out, okay? Guru's hanging out. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Mallory, please? This is Mallory. Hey, Mallory, what's up? This is Jubal from Brick and Jubal in the Morning on Moving 92.5.

How are you? What? Did you just wake up? No, no. You're from the radio station? Yeah, from the morning? No, no. What are you... You're from the radio station? Yeah, from the morning show on Movie 92.5. We're calling you because you recently went out with a very good friend of the show.

Oh, really? Yeah. I guarantee you remember this guy. I remember that. You went on a date with a dude named Guru. Oh, yeah. Guru said that he really enjoyed going out with you. Well, first of all, I don't know if there's anything he doesn't enjoy.

That is a good point. He loves life. That is a good point, Mallory. You've got to give that to Guru, right, Mallory? He's just so unique. You know, I mean, he's just like, I mean, everything is such an experience. Everything is so unique. You know, I mean, he's just like... I mean, everything is such an experience. Everything is so meaningful.

Like, it's... His personality is infectious. That's really nice. That's kind of how I would describe him. It is. Like, everything he thinks is awesome. Let's talk about your date for a second. You played rock, paper, scissor.

Yeah. Yeah. You had a staring contest. Yes, I eventually understood that that's what was happening. You eventually understood that wasor? Yeah. Yeah. You had a staring contest. Yes, I eventually understood that that's what was happening. You eventually understood that was what was happening, okay. Oh, my God!

So just stop and had a staring contest, all right? You should probably just stop talking to her. Guru told us that he tried to kiss you at the end of the night

and you weren't exactly down with that. Yeah, I didn't want to do that this time. Did you enjoy the face hug that he gave you? It was a first for me. I mean, again, it was just a lot. He took me into a bookstore.

Okay. So fun. Where he guided me directly to the children's section and he wanted to read me a story and he read me that book Everybody Poop I was so hoping

you were going to go like Shel Silverstein or at least, you know, Everybody Poop That's kind of funny though, that he's like I want to read you a story and then picks that up Did you not like that though? You know, it's that he's like, I want to read you a story and then picks that up. Did you not like that, though? You know, it's just a lot. Mallory. Yeah.

It's Guru. Guru is actually on the other line right now. Oh, no. He wants to say hi to you. Go ahead, Guru. It has rained in Guru's heart every day since we've been apart. And just the sound of your voice right now is like a million sunrises. Okay.

A million sunrises? You hear that, Mallory? You just brought sun to his heart because it's been raining since you haven't been talking to him. That is a really nice thing to say. What are you doing? What am I doing? I'm just making some soup. Making some soup?

You are the smoothest, warmest soup guru has ever drank from. You are the candy to my corn. You're incredible, Mallory, and I'm not sure you even realize it. That's some of the sweetest words ever. You're doing a great job

of communicating that. So you know, Mallory, there's no confusion there, Mallory. You already know how Guru feels about you. Mallory, what was it about your date that made you not want to call him? Is there one specific thing? It's fear.

You don't know it's fear. And it holds us back like bricks, Mallory, but it doesn't have to. You can smash through them. Yep. Like the rainbow you are. Destroy those bricks. Yeah, break down the walls, Mallory. Mallory, was it fear?

It was giving you a chance, Mallory. I don't think it was fear. Like, it grew as a blast, you know, but it's, you know what it is? Yeah. It's like getting into a car with someone and having them just immediately start going 150 miles an hour. Yeah. It's just not stopping.

I think Jubal will back me up on this. Do we want to go through like walking backwards? No. We want to go at 150 miles an hour, Mallory, and I think deep down you want that too. Yep. Don't put a speed limit on your life, Mallory. The thing is, you don't get a speed limit. Why are we putting the brakes on?

Well, I don't know how good my insurance is. I agree with you, though, Guru. Life is too short to live in the slow lane, right? That's right. All right, and that brings me to my next point, Mallory. Would you like to go out with Guru on a second date? We will pay for it. You can do pay-through.

Listen, I read your poem. I read your poem. Mallory, oh, Mallory, even your name is flowery. Why not on a second date, I can have you moved into my place by eight. Oh my god. Alright, Mallory. We were offering you a second

date with Guru, but how would you feel about just moving in with the guy? It's just a second chance. Not a second date. It's so much bigger than that. This is bigger. We'll pay for the movers. Mallory? What are you doing, dude?

You've got to slow down. I really like where I live right now. Oh, okay. I can move in with you. What's that? Guru can move in with you, Mallory. You don't have to change your life. I'm not ready to move in with you, Mallory. You don't have to change your life. I'm not ready to move in.

I'm not ready for Guru to move in. I think that that is okay, Mallory. Are you ready for a second date with Guru? Like just a dinner? Yeah. Or even coffee. I mean it could be something a half an hour long. I would not give Guru coffee.

That's a good point. It won't be a half an hour long. I would not give Guru coffee. That's a good point. That's a good point. It won't be a free date. You won't be walking through the park having staring contests. We will pay for a dinner. You can get food wherever you guys want to eat, but we will pay for it. And then, you know, you see if you can deal with Guru's fast-paced life and personality. Come on.

I think Guru Pace and Mallory Pace can meet in the middle. Okay, I like this. We can get on the same page, same lane, same pace. And Guru's just so excited about you, Mallory, that I think we could certainly meet somewhere in the middle towards your place. That's good. That's good. Deep breaths. Mallory, will you go out with Guru one more time? I am putting on my seatbelt.

Because I think I will. Yes! Guru! I love that! I love that! You did it! Mallory, you are a good person. Guru, did you hear that?

You know what we got? You know what hear that? You know what we got? You know what we got? You know what we got? We got a second date. Yes, we do. Congratulations, man. Broken Jubal in the morning. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove.

Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.