Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: High School Date

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Matt took his date to a basketball game… At his old HIGH SCHOOL. If this wasn’t bad enough, he talked non-stop about his glory days of playing… And Kayla was clearly NOT impressed. Can he make it up to her?? Listen in the Podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Before we start this, what's the minimum age you have to be in order to do a second date update with us? Do we ever establish that? I think it needs to be 18 plus. Is it 18? Yeah.

16? I don't know. 16? 5? Okay, what? Get a lot of requests from 5-year-olds to do second date updates with them. They play house and then things go wrong. I don't know. The only reason that I ask is... She didn't call me back because she doesn't know how to use a phone yet. Yeah.

The reason I ask is because I'm not sure how old the person on the phone is, but from their date, it sounds like they're probably a sophomore in high school. Uh-oh. What? Young what? Let's just meet him. Matt, are you skipping homeroom to do this phone call? Yeah.

Not only am I skipping homeroom, but I'm also skipping first period to be here with you guys. You may be a senior. Are we joking or not? Are you in high school, Matt? No, I'm just joking with you guys. I'm a fully functioning adult. We'll see how fully

functioning in just a second. So why don't you tell us a little bit about your date? What's the name of the girl that you want to call today? Kayla. She's not name of the girl that you want to call today? Kayla. Kayla? She's not in high school, right? No. Oh, my God. Matt, that was not cute, Matt.

We were about to have to cancel this call. No, he's funny. I like it. So tell us about Kayla. Kayla, she's cool. We met on Tinder. And she's also a fully functioning adult, you guys, so don't worry. Okay, good. All right. Yeah. All right. So we went out. I We met on Tinder. She's also a fully functioning adult, you guys, so don't worry. Okay, good.

All right. So we went out. I met her on Tinder. Her name's Kayla. Yeah, we got that part. Fully functioning adult thing is not paying off here. Hey, you forget things when you're old, like whether or not you just told us her name. Partial functioning. So what did you and Kayla do for your date?

I took her on a game date. What does that mean? It does sound like high school. No, okay, so I know this sounds like a kid's thing or whatever, but trust me, you guys are going to like it. It's actually a really cool idea. Okay. I took her to a high school basketball game at my old high school.

What? For real? Yeah. Matt, why would you do that? Why would she want to do that? I played, and when I was in high school, I was really good. I was all safe. Oh, God. No, not this guy.

Imagine me 10 years ago. I was way better than all these kids. And the only reason I didn't play college was because of, what's your excuse, Matt? There's an excuse. You got one. Is it MCL or ACL? I saw my Achilles. Oh.

That's the third one. Oh, my God. This is miserable. Was she into this idea? Well, she was a high school cheerleader, so I figured she would be game. And she seemed cool. She was down.

She came. Was she just as obnoxious? Like, well, I was captain of the cheer squad. You guys were perfect for each other. She was the cheerleader, yeah. But I don't think she wanted to be professional about it. Okay. Good.

So you both peaked in high school, and you're just trying to relive your glory days. So how'd it go? Well, I thought it went awesome. Like, she showed up. She was super confident. And she had, like, really big hair. And I thought that that was cool that she, like, just had never changed her hairstyle from high school like that was cool Other than her hairstyle, how was she she was great?

She was really funny and confident and she was down and we had a good time and then i was like well let's really go all out you know like let's really do like a throwback so like let's have dinner here like let's go to the snack bar at the high school you just had it in like the commons area or something grab some red vines and popcorn girl yeah no no no you can like get the snack at the snack bar and take it back to your seat and watch the game i understand that i like matt's strategy here like set the bar really really low for date number one. There's nowhere to go but up. Yeah.

So how did this all pan out for you, Matt? Was the date fun? She might have thought I was a little cheap because of the whole situation, even though I was, like, trying to connect with her, you know. Like, it took me a while to, like, pay for the food at the snack bar because it's, like, 50 cents off a hot dog for each hot dog if you have your alumni card and i knew i had it in my wallet but i had to sort of look for it and took me a couple minutes dude you don't bust out the alumni card you go no don't worry i got this yeah i'll pay that extra dollar yeah exactly thank you so i saved some money

you know what though i think it's respectable to be economically responsible. Thank you. I just did the hot dogs, though, at the game. It may have been cute for the first half of a basketball game, but to sit the entire time and that's all you guys did? No, no. It wasn't just hot dogs. I got popcorn and then I even splurged on M&M.

Oh, my God. Yeah, Brooke. He went all out. Listen, he got his allowance this week, okay? So he can afford this type of luxury. Are you sure you didn't get paid by the NBA, bro? Because ballin'. When did it start going south?

Because it sounds like maybe she changed her mind about how cool this was. Okay, well, here's what I think happened. The game was awesome, and we actually ended up winning the game on, like, pretty much a last-second shot. And everybody was, like, cheering and stuff awesome and we actually ended up winning the game on like pretty much a last second shot and everybody was like cheering and stuff and we were jumping up and down and I kind of had like my hand around her like you know like hugging one arm kind of thing and we like made really

really intense eye contact and I hesitated and then by the time that I had realized that I should be kissing her it was like too late like I feel like I lost the moment and so I don't know if she's like friend zoning me or whatever, but I think that that's what happened. Yeah.

You mack on girls like you're still in high school the same exact way. Come on. When has a woman never called someone back because he didn't kiss her at the right time? Like if they want to kiss, they're going to call you back. They're going to go out with you again. Well, and then I was like, okay, well, I'm going to try to make up for it. And so I was like, do you want to go get, like, a drink after this or whatever? And she was like, oh, no, like, I have to be up really early for work tomorrow.

And so just I haven't heard from her or anything. And I honestly, I think it was that moment is where I messed up. Yeah, I don't know about that. I am really curious to hear what she actually has to say. Well, at least someone is. So we'll play a song for you, Matt, and then we'll come back and we'll call Kayla for you and get your second date update, okay? Okay, thank you. All right, hold on.

Second date update. If you're just tuning in for today's second date update, we're talking to a former superstar athlete right now. Yeah, we are. At point guard, standing at a towering 5'6". He's a two-time junior Volsody All-State selection who would have definitely played hoops in college if he hadn't torn his Achilles while saving a litter of puppies from a mudslide that was also on fire. Give it up for your second-date All-Star, Matt.

Oh, Matt. Oh, Matt. Matt, I'm your number one fan. Is it really him? I'm 5'9". 5'9". Yeah. Cute, Matt. Yeah, with those LeBrons on.

We've got Matt on the phone, and he took his date Kayla to watch a basketball game at his old high school where he used to be known as the white LeBron. Wait, we don't even know if he's white. I'm just guessing. That is definitely white. But he even bought her dinner at the concession stand there. He's worried he may have missed out on the perfect moment for a first kiss and thinks maybe that's why he's not getting a call back. Yeah, I think I really blew it.

You know, I forgot to ask you, did you spend the entire night talking about your glory days of your high school basketball career? No, I think probably just a quarter or two. That's nothing. That honestly sounds like the most miserable date of my life. Like listening to

some dude's old high school sports stories, it sounds like my personal health. Yeah, you probably think that because it doesn't really sound like you were hot enough to be a cheerleader. Oh. She was a third string volleyball teamer. That was eighth grade, okay? You're bullying me as if we're in high school all over again.

Let's just call this girl and we'll hear her own disappointment and how lame your date was. You're bullying me. All right, Matt. Let's give her this girl and we'll hear her own disappointment and how lame your date was. You're bullying me. All right, Matt. Let's give her a call for you. Remember, this is like the last possession of the fourth quarter. Crunch time, Maddie. You get the ball. You take it to the hole.

It's do or die. Win or cry. Second date or mass. You know what? Let's just get to this. Let's get right to the call. I'll take the ladder. You ready to do this, Mad get to this. Let's get right to the call. I'll take the latter. You ready to do this, Maddie?

Yeah, let's get it. All right. We're going to dial the phone number right now for you. Oh, my goodness. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Kayla, please? This is Shane. Hi, Kayla.

This is Young Jeffrey. I work on the radio I'm saying what this is young Jeffrey I work for a radio show am I being pranked no nope not a prank hi Kayla hi hi good morning that's Brooke yeah hi Brooke oh my Hi. So do you listen every once in a while? No, I don't listen at all. Oh, so nice. You sound really excited. Well, I mean, I am on the radio.

Okay. Okay, so your 15 seconds of fame are here, Kayla. Congratulations. Are you curious why? Yes, of course. Did I win something? No, we're actually doing something called a second date update. That's where if you're getting ditched after going on a date with someone,

we'll call them and try and figure out the reason why. So you recently went out with a guy named Matt. Ooh, and that's where all the excitement left. Did you guys hear that? You can hear it. Yep. What did you think about your date with Matt? That's what it was? A date?

Oh my god, seriously, I told you guys. He told us about how he took you to his old high school to see a basketball game, and it sounds terrible. Whoa. That's a little bit strong here. That sounded awesome. The idea of the date to me sounded fun,

but it's just the circumstances were deplorable. Deplorable? I don't even know what that means. Yeah, it's a big word there, Caleb. It's not a good word. Yeah. What was deplorable? Like, why didn't you like it?

First of all, he seems to be trying to relive some sort of glory days. I mean, as a girl, I'm going along with it because, you know, men and their sports, you got to pretend to like it. Hey, I'm offended by that. No, but seriously, dude, like if you didn't play college anything, don't talk about it. Right, right. So, you know, I let him have his, you know, little moment or whatever, but I didn't realize that his team was actually my opposing high school team.

Oh, shut up. You went to the rival high school of his high school? Exactly. What a small world. What's wrong with that? Are you kidding me? Oh, you can't date a Spartan because you're a knight? Is that how it goes down?

Are the tigers against the lions? He's a tiger and I'm a Spartan. And let's just say if anyone knew that I was even there, I'd be hung out to dry. Oh, my God. Wait. You're joking. She's worse than he is. You're joking.

You honestly won't date him because he went to the opposing high school? I would never. Oh. What is this, like the plot of High School Musical? What is happening here? I don't know. For real? You won't go out with a guy because of where he went to high school?

Look, it's a big deal. Okay, where I'm from, Spartans and Tigers, you just don't mix. And then I have to fake cheer for his team. It was horrible. Wow. I mean, I guess I can kind of see where she's coming from about how, like, you don't want to get in bed with your enemies. But, okay, wait. Did you tell him?

Did you say, hey, listen, I can't cheer for your team because I'm whatever you are. I mean, I didn't want to say it just during the game and spoil everything. I just wanted to have to do this one thing and never have to see this filthy tiger again. Oh, you filthy tiger. Wow. Oh, my God. And you were a cheerleader, we heard, too. So, like, double burn on your school or something.

Double. Oh, my God god so don't you feel like you owe it to tell him the truth did you not hear me absolutely not i don't owe him he's a tiger well not to add any more bitterness to this rivalry but turns out the tiger has been secretly listening on the other line during this whole conversation. Uh-oh. I'm sorry, what? No. Yeah, Matt's been on the phone listening this whole time. Matt? You're a Spartan?

Oh, my God. It really is Matt. There is so much disdain in your voice right now, Matt. Are you being for real? Yeah, I had no idea. I can't believe I bought a Spartan a hot dog. Oh. Yeah, and I used my tiger discount, too.

Oh, my God. And it was so pathetic, like, you could used my tiger discount too. And it was so pathetic, like you could barely even pay for it. I guess that's what happens when you graduate tiger. You don't have much money. Oh, dang. This is heated. What is even happening? I don't know, but I'm into it. If I would have known, I wouldn't have even asked her out.

I wouldn't have even done it. No way. You said she was so hot, bro. Yeah, I don't care. Not hot enough to be a Spartan. First, a Spartan can never even get a tiger. And you tried. You all tried. But you both agreed to date before you knew what school you went to.

Yeah, well, women went out with Ted Bundy before they found out that he killed people. Wait, so go ahead. Good point. Good point, Matt. Your analogy is that she went to this school so that makes... What? Like a serial killer? I get it. Serial killers are passed down through the grades.

Yes. You know what, Matt? I guess now I am glad that you're on the phone with me so I can tell you just what I did. Oh, what'd you do? Graduate with a 2.0? Hey, that's pretty good. When I told you I was going to the bathroom just what I did. Oh, what'd you do? Graduate with a 2.0? Hey, that's pretty good. When I went and I told you I was going to the bathroom, I really did. But I wrote, tigers suck all over the mirrors with lipstick. Oh, come on.

Oh, damn. What? Not permanent graffiti. That's what she did. Okay. Also, you saw me chewing gum a couple times. Every single time I was finished, I put the gum under a seat. Oh, my God.

Dude, put her in detention. You got to go silly string their mascot statue out in front of their school, Matt. You got to get even. I'm calling the principal. I have his number. I'm going to call the principal. I'm going to tell him. What?

I feel like you're being serious, Matt. I am. I'm going to tell him a fartin' was vandalizing school property. Did he say fartin'? Yeah, she's a fartin'. Oh! All right, well. Oh, my God, I can't do this anymore.

This is so stupid. This is really devolved. This is crazy. Can we bring it back to the date? I don't want to talk about the date anymore. This is never going to happen. Yeah, just like this party will never beat the Tigers because we beat you guys for seven straight years.

Ooh, seven-year run. Can you keep track of the current record still? Yes. Matt, be honest. You guys are not Tigers. You're Marley's little kitty cat. No. No, we're Tigers.

This is kind of turning me on now. No, stop're tigers. This is kind of turning me on now. No, stop, everyone. Little cat. Real tiger. Did you just roar? Did you just roar, Matt? The f*** I did. Oh, no.

That is the mating call of a full-grown tiger. And with that mating call, I feel like it's the right time to ask Kayla. Kayla, would you like to go on a second date with Matt the tiger? We will pay for that date. Before you answer, Kayla, I actually think you should say yes because there is no one you will ever meet in your life that is as passionate about their high school as Matt, okay? I'd rather eat my high school pom-poms.

Oh, I think that's a no. I'm pretty sure that's bad. It's a pretty sexy image, though, if you ask me. You know what? I hope she chokes on that pom-pom. Okay. All right. I feel like somebody's house

is going to get toilet papered after this. I don't know. That's not a bad idea. If I wasn't in between cars, I would. All right, Matt. Well, I'm sorry you didn't get a second date through this. Whatever. I'm glad I didn't.

Yeah. Yeah, now you are. Go Tigers. Go Tigers. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more.

Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.