Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Internet Date

Episode Date: May 8, 2020

This listener thinks he’s met the love of his life online, he even spelled out “I Love You” in bacon for her! But now, he needs to convince her best friend that he’s not some creepy guy from the internet… And this may be the TOUGHEST test we’ve ever faced.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second Date Update We've never done this before. A guy named Nick reached out to us for a second date update. The strange part is, he says he's never even went out on a date with this girl to begin with. So wait. Wrong segment then, buddy. We would need a first date update then.

Yeah. That's not what we do. Nick, I'm hoping you've at least talked to this woman, and it's not your neighbor that you're looking at through your telescope right now. Nick? Is it? Step away from the telescope. I hear heavy breathing.

I am here. I'm here. I was just laughing. Okay. You sound like you're doing more than laughing. No, there's no telescopes involved, I promise you. Okay, is the woman real? Does she have a name?

Does she exist? Yes, her name is Whitney, and she exists, and she's amazing. Whitney sounds like a made-up name. Oh, you guys. How do you know she's amazing if you've never gone out with her? We've never met in person, but we have met and communicated a lot online. Okay, there's a lot of people, I use that in air quotes, online that aren't real in real life. Right, no, I know she exists.

Like, we have FaceTimed. We've had extensive communication online where we've actually seen each other. So why aren't you going on a date with her? Well, because she lives in a different state. We didn't. Tell us that. Oh, yeah. That's very important information at the beginning.

Maybe lead off with that. Yeah. Well, I mean, I really, honestly, guys, I really felt like I was falling in love with this girl. Oh, that's so cute. Whoa. You were falling in love with this girl? You haven't even seen her. On FaceTime, he has.

Yeah, I mean, we FaceTimed. I was so connected with this woman. We have very similar families. We both have sisters. We both have similar holiday things that we do. Well, hold on. I hear that she has a sister. He has a sister. Sounds like they connected. That hear that she has a sister, he has a sister.

Sounds like they connected. That's love right there. I don't know. Okay, you know what? The sisters have anything to do with it. There's a common bound. You guys don't know. Get the marriage documents ready.

You guys both have sisters. I think that it's romantic and that it's refreshing that you were connected to a woman on a much bigger level than just a physical one. Yeah, 5G level. For real. I was planning on flying her bigger level than just a physical one. Yeah, 5G level. For real. I was planning on flying her out or flying out to see her. That was the next step.

But things just haven't been the same for a bit. So things aren't really working out the way I had wanted. So that's why I contacted you guys. All right. So this would normally be the time where I would ask you about the date that you took her on, but you haven't done that. So I feel like we have because it started out that we would talk like a few times a day, just like little things here and there, check in. And then it got to the point where we would be communicating for like hours every night. That's intense. Yeah, I know. And

it was going so well. We would talk constantly. And it was great like that for about like three weeks, I would say. And then she started not responding as quickly. And then she wasn't like, we weren't talking every night. There must be something that you have done during these conversations that has turned her off. Well, the last photo I sent her, I took a photo of my breakfast. And it was like two heart-shaped pancakes that I made. And I kind of spelled out, like, I love you in bacon. And I know that's corny, but it's also, like, sweet.

And that's how I feel. I mean, it seems like a lot to drop the L word and never seeing each other in person. I mean, I spelt it in bacon. Okay, you're spelling out the word love in bacon to this girl already? Yeah, that's what he's doing. He's testing the waters to see what was her response to that. I mean, not much. Not much.

Okay, that's not good. I know, and I haven't really heard from her in about the last 48 hours, which is rare because ever since we started communicating, we've never gone 48 hours without at least checking in. So how do you want us to help? Because she obviously doesn't listen to our show. I don't know. How can we get her?

How can I get her to listen to me? How can we get her? Okay. That's quite a statement. Get her on the show is what I'm thinking. Okay. Or find out if you did something wrong or if she is just scared. It sounds like he's just coming out a little too strong but you were

both feeling it the chemistry at one point so that's great well also oh i forgot to tell you this as well um she did she did mention she had this friend that was kind of um hesitant about our relationship and and i don't know if that has something to do with it like her friend is like jealous or or just doesn't trust me because of the whole online thing. Or maybe she's found something like met somebody else. I don't know. My, my mind is just kind of racing about the whole thing.

And I was hoping you could help me in some, somehow. All right. We'll just calm down about it a little bit. Maybe pop a volume because you're getting a little bit excited talking about her. I am amped up because, you know, I care a lot about this girl. And if there's any chance that you can help me out, communicate with her, I would just really appreciate it because, you know, I just don't know what else to do, honestly.

All right. I guess we'll do it. Yeah. I guess we'll do it. That's the whole point of this, Jeffrey. Why do you hate love so much all of a sudden? What is your problem? This is just different.

This guy's never even been on a date with her. But you know what? This is a 21st century, Jeffrey, okay? It's a different way that people fall in love. Catch up, man. The fact that they call each other every day in this day and age, that's crazy. That's more than most people. It is crazy.

It scares me. He's probably getting more action than you are just via an internet stream, okay? All right. Well, you know what? Maybe we're going to prove me wrong. We're going to play a song. We'll come back, and we'll give Whitney a call and see if we can get you a second date update. Okay, Nick?

Yes. Thank you, guys. Just hold on. We haven't gotten you the date yet. We're just making a call. Okay, good. Thank you. Okay, that's the energy I want. Yeah, we'll be back after this. Second date update. How do you know when you're really in love?

Oh. Is it when you memorize that person's favorite coffee order? For sure. That's pretty good. Is it when you include them in your Facebook profile picture? Oh, hey, boo. Yo, that's official. Is it when you can confidently leave the door open while taking a number two in their apartment?

That's so gross. No, that is love, though. I mean, that's just a long time in marriage. I don't know if that's long. It's something. I don't know. I think the real sign of true love is when you can spell out that person's name in breakfast sausage.

Oh, man. It's always about the meats. And then send a photo of that in a text message, because that's what our listener Nick did for a girl named Whitney, even though they've never gone out on a real date or seen each other in person they live in different states but they've been chatting on the phone and over Skype for hours on end but lately she's become tough to reach yeah now Nick I'll admit I was skeptical when we were talking before but uh during the

song break I thought about it chugged a ton of NyQuil, and I definitely feel different. That's it? Yeah. I love that. Thank you for the support. You're welcome. That's not support. You guys, I believe you, Nick. I think that love can totally happen that way. But do you regret sending that picture? Because it does seem like that was the moment things shifted. Yeah, I think I would have, had I to do it again, it would have been a little different. But I mean, it's just bacon. It's not like you're actually dropping the L-bomb. No, I think bacon is the highest form of romance. Right above diamond rings, so you can't go anywhere but down from here.

I agree. Alright. Well, let's get your bacon lover on the phone, and we'll see if we can get you a second date update, okay? Alright, I'm nervous. Alright. I'm going to dial the phone number right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Whitney, please?

This is her. Hi, Whitney. My name's Young Jeffrey. I work for the radio. What is this about? This is about you. Well, obviously. Oh, my God. Okay. Sorry. What is this about? This is about you. Well, obviously. Oh, my God.

Okay. Sorry. Did I win something? No, you didn't win. Well, maybe you won something in a way. Yeah, you've probably never heard our show, Whitney. We're in a different city than you. Different state, actually.

So why are you calling me then? We're calling you because we do something on our show called a second date update. Okay. I'm guessing you don't know what that is, but basically when one of our listeners needs help figuring out why they're not getting a call after a date, we're willing to do that for them. And we're calling on behalf of a guy named Nick. Do you remember going out with Nick? But they never really went out. Oh, right. So that doesn't really count.

This is so different than what we normally do. I've totally screwed this up. So you've been chatting recently with someone named Nick. And it feels like you guys have been on quite a few dates because of how much time you've spent online together. All right. What did he say about me? He said he loves you. No, he didn't say it like that.

He sent a picture to you in Bacon. He thought everything was going well. He felt like he's never connected to somebody like he connects with you, and he was really excited about it. And now you're not calling him back after he sent one simple picture of I love you spelled out in bacon, and he's wondering if he freaked you out. Well, to be honest, the bacon message was definitely a little overwhelming. But, you know, I was falling for him, too.

See, Jess? So you were on board. How come you didn't bake and text him back then? Well, I talked to my friend, and my friend's always someone that, you know, gives me really good advice. And so I just need to pull back for a minute. I'm not understanding. Yeah. Who is this friend?

Is it a guy or a girlfriend? It's actually, like, my very trusted stuffed animal that I've had for a long time. And it's, like, my inner self tells me, you know, if things are okay or not. Wait. What? Are you joking right now? Is this a joke? Do you want to talk to her?

Wait. Wait. Hold on. Whitney, are you joking right now? Is this a joke? Do you want to talk to her? Wait. Hold on. Whitney, are you joking? No. It's kind of like how Mr. Rogers does it, you know? How Mr. Rogers does it? Yeah.

You don't remember having the little puppets? You have a puppet friend that's telling you not to date a guy? Yeah, it's Sparkle. I've had her for many years. Put Sparkle's on the phone. We'd love to chat with her. Hi, this is Sparkle. Hi, Sparkles. Hello.

Wait, what are we doing? Oh my god, I don't know. But Sparkles, wait, why don't you like Nick? Because he might not like me. He might throw me away and I never see Whitney ever again. I thought it was a doll. Like a... No, this is... Yeah. Sparkles, you do realize that Whitney deserves to be loved and that Whitney won't let you be thrown away, right? I'm doing this. I thought it was a doll.

If he likes Whitney, he has to keep me too. Oh my God. Hey Sparkles, have you ever met Nick before? Does Nick know about you? I don't think Nick knows about me. If he knows about me, he might throw me away. Okay. You haven't told?

Dating online is so weird. I think we need Whitney back on the phone. Yeah, let's talk to Whitney again, please. Oh, Jeff is so weird. I think we need Whitney back on the phone. Yeah, let's talk to Whitney again, please. Oh, Jeff is so mad. Whitney. Hello? Is this Whitney? Who's this?

This is Whitney. I thought it was another doll for a second. Whitney, have you told Nick about sparkles? No, I haven't told him about sparkles. I can't imagine why. I'm sure Nick would like to know about Sparkles. Maybe Sparkles and Nick should have a conversation so that you guys can actually go out, don't you think? No.

It's definitely a possibility. Well, we are giving you that chance because we didn't tell you this, but Nick has been on the other line listening, and he heard everything that you and Sparkles said, and he wants to talk to you both, I guess. Oh. Nick? Does he want to talk to her? Yeah, he probably hung up.

Nick, are you there? Nick! Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Hey! Wow, just, I have a lot of questions. Yeah, Sparkle is just basically like my inner voice, you know? I have a lot of questions. Yeah. Sparkle is just basically like my inner voice, you know? Whitney is okay with you guys going out, but Sparkles has an issue.

Right. Maybe, Nick, you should talk to Spark. Can we get Sparkles back on the phone so Nick can have a conversation with Sparkles, and then maybe they can work something out? No, stop. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Okay, wait, Nick. I mean, when she explains it like that, that it's just basically she's having an inner dialogue with herself that comes out.

Does that sit okay with you? I understand that. I think we all have that, but most of us kind of keep it internal. That's a good way to put it. And a lot of people still have stuffed animals and blankets from their childhood. I still have a baby blanket. Brooke has stuffed animals. Yeah, I sleep with stuffed animals every night. They don't talk to me very often, but my stuffed animals were okay with me starting a relationship and getting married.

And now she's married. And trust me, Whitney, my husband has tried to throw these things out many times. And I have just stopped that. You can do that in your relationship. Honestly, I wouldn't go out with you, Nick, if you wouldn't accept sparkles. Yeah. Okay. Do other people know about sparkles?

I don't show sparkles to everybody. Only those that I trust. Oh, my God, Nick. So that's a compliment, Nick. Whitney, the entire time you were talking about your friend, you were referring to sparkles? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. Wow.

So sparkles is the friend that is not okay with Nick and Whitney being together. Well, maybe. Yeah, I'm not sure about Nick. I'm just not sure. Wait, is this sparkles on the phone again? Yeah, it's sparkles. Okay. I'm just not sure. Is this Sparkles on the phone again? Yeah, this is Sparkles. Okay. Hi, this is Sparkles.

Hey, Sparkles. Oh, my gosh. Do it. You have to do it. I don't even know how to do this. You've got to do it. Who do you ask? I mean, Sparkles is on the phone.

I think we start with Sparkles, then we go to Whitney. All right. Sparkles, here's the deal. That's the hard one. Nick really wants to go out with Whitney, so if you'll let her, we would pay for Whitney and Nick to go out on a date if it's okay with you. As long as I can be there, it's okay. Okay. All right.

Oh. That's a yes. We got our first yes. Now, Whitney, Sparkles has signed off on the relationship. Will you go out with Nick one more time? We'll pay for it. Or for the first time, we'll pay for it. Okay.

Wow. Yeah. I'm surprised that Sparkles is okay with it, and I am on board with it. Okay. All right. Well, that's some excitement. How is she surprised? We did it.

Okay. Nick. Yeah, Nick, congratulations. You got a second date, or a first date. Let's pump the brakes a little bit, I think. Why? Do you have a friend that's a little bit hesitant about this, too? Do we need to get him on the line?

I think that maybe we had been rushing it a little bit. Oh, no. And I think with this new information, I think maybe staying on as like friends on the phone and chatting, I think that's probably. Sparkles don't like friends. Sparkles don't like friends. Sparkles, I'm sorry.

This is just how I'm feeling I can't believe I'm talking to Sparkles right now but I am Can I talk to Whitney again? Yeah, this is Whitney What's your problem with Sparkles? I'm not going to get into it but I think they can use that conversation for a later date

So are you telling me that you're going to tell Sparkles I love you and bacon too? Because, I mean, honestly, that would be helpful for you. Oh. I don't think I'll do that. Nick, Sparkles is angry with you. Oh, no. Yeah, don't face the rage of sparkles. I think we need to hang up.

Yeah. Sorry we couldn't get you a date there, Nick. Okay, good luck. That is quite all right. I learned a lot, and that's the most important thing, I think. Yeah. You're never online dating again. Uh-huh.

I don't think so, yeah. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive

extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.