Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Massage Champion

Episode Date: August 14, 2017

Most people that have COOL JOBS will brag about them every chance they get. But the woman in today's second date update says she will NEVER reveal her profession, because she's worried it would be the only reason men would want to go out with her... In fact, we can guarantee when our listeners hear what she does, we'll be flooded with texts wanting to hook up... We'll tell you what she does in the Second Date update!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025.

I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that, too. The Happiness Lab's how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that

actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself. No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update. You know, it's not often on this show that we get to talk to an actual champion.

Oh, cool. Whoa, really? Like a winner? That's right. Somebody who is known not only nationwide, but worldwide. Wow. An athlete. Wow. An athlete. Somebody who is at the top of their game.

And they decided to grace us with their presence today. Because they want to do a second date update. Her email said that she's a champion. And I'm very honored to speak with her. Her name is Danielle. What's up, Danielle? Hey, how's it going? Wow, Danielle, you sound important.

It is an honor to speak with you, Danielle. Wow, well, thank you. I'm blushing. You're blushing? Danielle, this is such an intro. What do you do? What are you a champion of? I'm a champion masseuse. Masseuse? Like a person who massages? Yes.

Like a massage therapist? Yeah, I'm a champion masseuse. Masseuse? Like a person who massages? Yes. Like a massage therapist. Yeah, I'm a champion masseuse. I thought she was an athlete. I don't like the word. She is. That's a big athletic endeavor. What? I don't get it.

She's got strong hands is what you're saying. We'll get to how she's a champion masseuse in just a second. But first, let's find out about your date, Danielle. You think that maybe actually the fact that you are a champion might have turned the dude off? Yeah, yeah, I do. What? What's his name, first of all? His name is David. David, and where

did you meet David? We met through a dating app. Okay, so I mean, I assume when he started to go out with you on the dating app, it even says that you do massage therapy. No, my profile does not say it. I keep that hidden. But if you're a champion, why aren't you on the dating app. It even says that you do massage therapy. No, my profile does not say it. I keep that hidden. But if you're a champion, why aren't you telling the world? Well, because I don't want to get like creeps messaging me through these apps.

Oh, that's actually a good point. I didn't think of it either. You might want to keep that skill off of the internet, at least for the dating websites. Yeah. So I assume it came up on the date at some point, and that's why you think that he got turned off? It did, yeah. Like, it came up in conversation, and I maybe should have just said I was a massage therapist, but I said more than that. I said the champion masseuse thing,

and I just think I messed things up. Oh, wait. Hold on. Wait, you call yourself? I thought we were just joking about the champion masseuse thing this whole time and that it was something that Jubal was over-exaggerating because that's what he does. No, I'm an actual champion. Cool. What? How do you become

a champion in massage therapy? There's actually an international massage championship in Copenhagen, Denmark, and people come from all over the world, and this past year I won. Oh, wow. See? A the world. And this past year, you know, I won. Oh, wow. See?

What? A massage champion. I wasn't lying to you guys. That's a good rubber. Oh, my God. Do you guys need volunteers? I am there. I am ready to be massaged by the world leaders in massage therapy.

Well, that's actually what everybody does. And that's how I got into trouble in the first place is everybody wants a massage. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So did you give David a massage. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So did you give David a massage? I did not. Oh.

He kept asking and I declined. Oh. So you think that's why he's not calling you back because you wouldn't hook him up with a free massage? I got him messed up. Well, that's where it is my fault because if I had just said massage therapist instead of massage champion,

then the situation would have been different. And I, but instead I opened my big mouth and you know, I messed it up. Yeah. And now you can't be sure, like, do people want you for you or just because you can massage with the best of

them? I mean, it's a tough life for a celebrity champion like you. I know you guys are laughing about it, but it's actually true. Like all my friends ask me to give them massages, like, on the regular. This is what happens to me all the time. Oh, no.

So, on the date when the guy asked for the massage, did you get mad at him for asking for the massage? No, I didn't get mad at him the first time. I mean, that's a normal thing, and I kind of expected that to happen. But then he asked a second time, and then when he asked a third time, I was more firm, and I was just like, it's not going to happen. Oh, whoa. I could see how that could be taken as a different kind of signal. Cause if I'm on a date with someone who is a champion massage therapist, I think like, if she likes me, maybe we can flirt a little bit about this. And she'd be like, well, maybe one of these days I'll give you a massage, you know, instead of like, no, I'm not touching you. Gross.

I just feel like I screwed up. Maybe I messed it up because he was the first guy I'd met in a long time through a dating app that was actually really cool. He's attractive. He had a good personality. Like, I liked his energy. You know, the conversation flowed really well. And I think that I screwed up because of this. So I mean, I get that he sounds like a great guy, but he sounds like he wanted something for free and you still want to go out with him. Well, I understand that because I said, you know,

big deal about me being a champion. And I couldn't stop talking about the massage championship and how they judge you on five categories like technique and flow and innovation. And there are people doing different styles and my special style. See right there, I'm already turned on. So I could see how it would be on your date, like how that'd be frustrating for him. How long has it been since you talked to him? It's been over a week now. Okay. And then at the end of your date, did you guys hug or

kiss or anything? Was there any touching? That's what I want to know. We did kiss. You did kiss? Yeah, we kissed. Just our lips were touching, though. We didn't hold each other because I didn't want to. Again, I just said no if I didn't want to cross that line.

I think it's okay to give the dude a hug if you're kissing him. See, I just threw it up. Well, we don't know for sure. So we'll play a song, come back, call him, and get your second date update, all right? All right, thank you. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update.

You know, I've done second date update segments where I've started off with a on-air makeout session with our listening audience. Yeah, that's true. But I've never given an over-the-air massage before, and I think I should do that right now in honor of today's second date update. So if you're driving right now, I want you to close your eyes and relax. Okay, this is already going badly. Don't close your eyes if you're driving. Hi, my name is Spirit, and I'll be your massage therapist today. Are there any troubled areas that you'd like me to focus on?

The incense in your room is amazing right now. Your glutes? They are rather tight. I'm going to need to get some extra lube to take care of your glutes. I don't, they do not use lube, sir. It's called lotion. Okay, well, then I need to have a talk with my massage therapist then because I think that dude might be up to something nefarious. But let's talk to Danielle, who's on the phone right now for a second date update.

She is a massage therapist. She's actually a champion massage therapist. She actually won a competition that they do in Denmark every year. I guess they have a massage therapist. She's actually a champion massage therapist. She actually won a competition that they do in Denmark every year. I guess they have a massage championship. And she was on her date with a dude named David, and she feels like she talked about that a little too much. And David, like, asked for a massage because he found out she was a champion, and she finally told him no,

and she feels like maybe she was a little too blunt about it, and that's why he's not calling her back. So we're about to get him on the phone and find out if that is the reason. Danielle, you ready to go? Yes, I'm ready. Well, I'll dial his phone number right now, and we'll find out if your hands can wander his body someday. Just call him, please.

Okay. I think she's done with us. Yeah. Hello? Can I speak to David, please? This is him. Hey, what's up, man? How are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Uh, who's that?

Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. I'm sorry, there's no Jubal here. I think you have the wrong number. No, I am Jubal, and I'm calling you, David. Oh, okay. I don't know what you're talking about, but... We're calling you today because we recently got an email about you from one of our listeners. Okay, that's a little weird. Do you want to know who? Do you want to know who?

Yeah. Do you want to know who? Do you want to know who? He said yes, Jubal. Because I know who. Uh, yeah. Do you wanna know who? Do you wanna know who? He said yes, Jubal. Cause I know who. Yes I do. Okay, her name is Danielle and you actually went out with her on a date.

Oh, I uh, I know her. But uh, why would she email you? Well we do a segment on our show, it's called the second date update. So, you've apparently stopped talking to Danielle since your date and she's wondering why. Okay. A little awkward, I guess. I don't get it though. Why was it awkward? I guess I got a little weird vibes from her. You got weird vibes from her? Yeah. Some red flags came up. Whoa. What kind of red flags? Well, she said that she was a masseuse. You know? Okay.

Normally that's not a red flag for most people. Most people are like, okay, cool, that's your job. She's got a job. More likely, that's like a benefit. I would date a masseuse in a heartbeat. Are you kidding me? Checkered flag. I kind of took it as like a, maybe a euphemism for something else. What?

You know? No. So. No. Wait, I don't know. Could you explain? Well, she was like talking about her job and she was talking about really weird competition that she was a part of. This massage competition.

Yeah. You're talking about the massage championship that I guess they have in Denmark. Oh yeah. You know about that? Not until we talked to her. So we talked to her a little bit about your date, and she told us that information. That's the first time I've heard it. I had no idea they had a championship for massage.

Yeah. Yeah. You believe that? What do you mean, do we believe it? Of course you believe it. I mean, yeah. Massage championship? That doesn't sound like fake to you?

There's all sorts of weird things in this world. mean for God's sakes there's like an air guitar championship it's odd but it doesn't mean that it's not real how would you even judge that it's just the same guy getting massage are you telling me you think she's a liar I mean I didn't know if she was lying or not it was just uh I was like the start of the whole red flag segment of the date. And it just got worse from there. Oh, what? So there was more stuff you didn't believe that she told you?

Well, it's not so much that. It's like, I asked her a couple times if I could get a massage. And she said that she's a massage champion. So it's going to be $200 for a half hour. Whoa. Wow. Dang! Dang, that really pays off, man.

Yeah, I mean, something probably comes with that is what I was thinking. What? What do you mean? What? You think that there's a happy ending at the end? Is that what you're insinuating? Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday. That's prostitute talk right there.

So hold on. You think you went online and went on a date with a prostitute? What there So hold on You think you went online And went on a date with a prostitute? What am I supposed to think? What would you have thought? There's a person across the table from me Offering me $200 for a half an hour That sounds like a hooker

No, I have something to say here Weird, I can't imagine that you'd have anything to say, Danielle What is going on here oh that's danielle she's actually on the other line and wants to talk to you oh my god i am not a prostitute i can't believe that's even an argument right now i don't understand how you could think that i was a prostitute well you're touching me and you're charging me per hour. I'm a massage therapist and that is my fee because I'm good at what I do. Okay, I mean, you're also wearing hoop earrings, so. What?

What does hoop earrings have to do with your attitude? You didn't tell us that, Danielle. Hoop earrings? Are you serious? Yeah, seriously, what the hell are you even talking about? David? Yeah. You know, hoop earrings,

like every movie you see, every prostitute has hoop earrings. It's the preferred earring. They also wear high heels and I don't know, skirts. So our hair. Yeah. Okay.

No one out of three. David, you're being so ridiculous, okay. You know, one out of three. What? David, you're being so ridiculous right now. I mean, you want to look up my credentials? Go Google it. This is a real job. I'm a real person. There's a lot of escorts out there that have websites.

So, you know, I've seen them. David, why are you so hung up on this? I mean, do you really think a prostitute would get in touch with a radio station to call you to go out on a second date? I mean, yeah, I guess that's a good point. But, you know, there's a girl with hoop earrings who's charging me $200 for a massage. I mean, that's just what I'm going to think in a moment. Okay, David, I'm offended by this. Okay, sorry. That's it by this. Okay, sorry.

That's it? All right, just sorry. Well, you apologized. I accused you of being a prostitute, but... David, I know that you probably still think that Danielle might be a prostitute, but would you like to go out with her on a second date? We will pay for it.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah, I would, actually. Really? Oh, okay. So you've changed your mind? Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe I I would, actually. Really? Oh, okay. So you've changed your mind? Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe I would jump into conclusions. I guess there's a part of me that thinks that maybe she's not a prostitute. Oh, wow. David, you really need to slow down on the sweet talk that you're doling out there, okay?

There you go, Danielle. A little bit of David thinks that you might not be a prostitute. Would you want to go out with him again? I bet you're swooning. Wow, I'm so appreciative. So that's a yes, Danielle? I mean, to be honest, I enjoyed everything else about our date. And so if he's genuinely reconsidering his assumptions, then why the heck not?

Really? Well, yeah, he's the type of guy that I look for. And, you know, we had a very great conversation. Otherwise, I was very attracted to him. So I look forward to proving to him that I am a massage therapist and not a hooker. Okay. I always look for the opposite in my massage therapist. Gross.

Broken Jubal in the morning. I text it and it's 78592 that says, i think my doctor is a prostitute brook and jubel in the morning talking about today's second date update if you missed it danielle wanted to call this dude named david danielle is a massage therapist a world champion massage therapist i didn't even know they had championships for that but apparently they do and anyway they went out on the date they were talking and because she's so good at her job she charges like 200 bucks an hour to give people massages and well David he thought that meant that she's a prostitute I call her back also she was wearing hoop earrings which apparently

is the preferred earring of prostitutes I I guess. I mean, I didn't know that. I feel like he's propositioning a lot of women out there that aren't prostitutes. Just if he's going to buy hoop earrings alone. There are so many escorts in this world. God, all these ladies are prostitutes these days. They're everywhere. Even at church? Everywhere.

Yeah, look at her. She's in accounting. So he was convinced that because she charges so much per hour, she must be a prostitute. And he didn't want to call her back. We got her on the phone. They talked a little bit. And then he was like, well, I guess I could go out with you again because there's part of me that thinks that you might not be a prostitute. Not fully believing yet.

I can't believe that she actually agreed to go out with him again. No, that's the most shocking part of this whole thing to me. Yeah. Where are our standards at right now, ladies? She said she just wanted to prove to him that she was not a prostitute and go out with him again. Oh, man. The dating pool is hard right now, isn't it? Well, he definitely guaranteed himself that he's not getting any on that date.

Right? For a long time. Or ever. Ever. Remember, if you want to do a second date update, all you have to do is email the show and we will call the person who didn't call you back. Although, you already know

if you're around somebody who has hoop earrings and has a job that charges $200 an hour. You know what you're dealing with now since this educational experience and no need to call us. But if you send us an email and you want us to call the person who didn't call you back,

we will do that for you. It's Perkins Jubal in the morning. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics

in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year,

my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too.

The Happiness Labs how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself. No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.