Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Pants Problems

Episode Date: July 17, 2019

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1.4 billion dollars in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast,

the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal's Second Date Update. A guy named Cody is on the phone for a second date update today, and he said his date was a disaster.

But in his email, he said the girl that he met actually showed up looking better than her profile picture, so I don't know how anything could be a disaster after that. Cody, how you doing? I'm doing all right. How are you guys doing? Okay. So your date was a disaster?

It was. Was it your fault, Cody? It was my fault. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You know that. That's good.

Find out more about that in just a second. But first, tell us about the girl you want to call. What's her name? Her name's Natalie. Natalie. Natalie. And you said she actually showed up looking better than her profile picture? That's rare.

Yeah. I mean, we met on Tinder, and I got to the bar early because I wanted to be there to kind of scope out a good place to wait and just to be ready. And she walked through the door, and yeah, she looked even better than she looked on Tinder. Awesome. Did you act shocked when you talked to her? Like, oh my god hopefully not i was like oh man you looked only okay but uh that could have been a

disaster like you are horribly photogenic in person way more beautiful you take terrible pictures not at all what was your actual interaction like? So she came in, you know, she saw me. She came right over, gave me, like, a big hug. And I have to admit, I was, like, immediately really nervous. Like, okay, this is too good to be true. Everything's got to go well. And, you know, so we're, like, looking over the menu to order a drink. And she was like, you know, hey, would you mind doing jello shots?

Whoa. Dude dude i like this girl right so i'm like uh who's gonna turn down jello shots this is really going great and so we're like doing jello shots and she's talking about like family vacations to her family's lake house and awesome like she's you know like really opening up right off the bat like she's talking about taking you to her family vacation spot or just in general? She's talking about it in general, but I felt like she was maybe going there, but. Okay. Plus you might've been drunk or something at that point.

I mean, it doesn't sound like a disaster at all, unless those jealous shots led to more jealous shots, which led to other kinds of shots. And then it became a disaster. It was not a disaster at that point. But hang with me. We're getting to the disaster part. So honestly, I'm feeling like everything is going great, right? She looks great. She's opening up about her family.

Maybe she's going to invite me to, you know, this lake house. We're getting kind of drunk. And I start to notice this smell. At the bar? Uh-huh. And I'm trying to sniff around a little bit without being too obvious after a few minutes I'm like oh crap it's me not oh crap I didn't crap myself didn't mean to say oh crap that would definitely be a bad thing to do on a date so you smelled yeah I smelled

I don't get it like you farted or what like? No, BO. I mean, I plan on going home after work to shower, but work went a little too late. It was like one of those in-betweens where I didn't have enough time to go home to shower, but I had more than enough time to get to the bar, so I took a walk there. Okay, so you're nice and ripe. Ripe, yeah. And then, you know, I got really nervous right off the bat, which I'm sure kicked into all of that. It just was it was I mean, it was a hot mess. So what'd you do? Just keep your arms to your side the whole time?

No, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and try to like wash my pits. Wash a little down there because the jello shots had me feeling optimistic. So you took a little hooker shower in the bathroom. Yeah, sure. That sounds about right. And I used the hand soap, and I came back, and almost immediately it started to sting down there. Wait, you put hand soap down there?

Like it just tried to splash water? I just wanted to make sure if we got to that business, it was smelling all right down there. I just wish I could have walked in on you in the bathroom. That would have been nice and awkward. It wasn't good. So I had to excuse myself again. And now she's kind of like, what's up?

Why all these bathroom trips? And I'm like, I'll just be right back. I go to the bathroom and this is where it gets so much worse. I'm like trying to wash it off. Oh, no. I'm getting water all over myself. I literally ditched my underwear at this point. to the bathroom and this is where it gets so much worse i'm like trying to wash it off oh no getting water all over myself i literally just like ditch my underwear at this point now i've got like water all down the front of my pants and so like it's one of those eco-friendly bathrooms there's no hand towels it's just a blow dryer oh my god and you're just like standing naked in the bar bathroom at this point is what it sounds like.

I've got my shirt on. But yeah, no, I'm trying to dry off my pants in the hand dryer. Oh, no. Oh, my God. So did you come back to the table drenched? Or naked? Yeah. You just decided to ditch all the clothes altogether?

No. Yeah, that would have been a move. No, I came back and I think i just couldn't get my pants dry and i was just like really sweating at this point and just launched into this whole tirade on modern toilets i was like hey i'm really sorry the toilet exploded on me modern toilets are all too powerful almost like an outer body experience hearing this crazy man talk about this toilet tower. Okay. What was her attitude at this point? Rightfully so. She's like, hey, maybe we should reschedule. Yeah. Oh, man. All right. And did the date end right there then? Well, at that point,

I also thought that was probably the best decision. So I'm like, yeah, we should totally reschedule. Look, honestly, I was having a great time. I think like this could be great. And you know, I think I probably in some desperation, maybe throughout a few more, I had a great time at her and then we parted ways and I reached out to her a few times and not shockingly, she hasn't responded, but I just feel like she's pretty awesome I really screwed it up I would just like the chance for her to get to know me and to go on a second date

we'll play a song and then come back and call her and get your second date update sounds good if you missed the first part of today's second date update, a dude named Cody is on the phone, and he didn't get intimate with his date on his first date, but he did get intimate with a hand dryer in a bar bathroom. So if you missed it, Cody went out with this girl named Natalie.

He met her on Tinder. She showed up actually looking better than her profile picture. But during the date, he noticed that he smelled a bit funky because he hadn't showered. He didn't have time to do that after work. So he went to the bathroom and tried to clean up using the hand soap in the bathroom. But after his first try, he went back to the table and he washed his downstairs and it started to sting a little bit because he didn't get all the soap off. So he went back to the bathroom and tried again and then just ended up getting his pants all wet.

And it was awkward when he went back to the table and they decided to end things there and he hasn't heard from her since. Cody, you ready to do the second part of your second date update? I'm ready. And are you wanting to be fully honest with her? Because honestly, like if you said, hey, you were really beautiful. I got really nervous. I had a funk going because I was at work.

I tried to fix it and things just went wrong. Like, I feel like she should be understanding. I don't really want to get into that. I definitely don't want you guys to be the ones to say it. Like, you know, if you can get on the phone, let's see how it goes. I mean, she noticed that your pants and stuff were wet though, right? I feel like the reason is better than making something up. But he blamed it on the toilet, remember?

Yeah, that's right. But that's even weirder, man. You're, like, battling a toilet. Yeah, I mean, the whole thing was just really bad. I'm just hoping we can save it because she's a quality girl. All right, well, we'll try. I'm going to dial her phone number right now. Here we go.

All right, thank you. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Natalie, please? This is Natalie. Natalie, how are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Um, I'm good, I'm sorry, who is this? Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning, it's a radio show. Oh, okay. Um, how can I help you?

Well, I don't know, Have you heard of the show before? It sounds a little familiar. I'm not sure exactly. Well, the first thing you can help with is maybe listening once and seeing if you like it. And then other than that, we got an email about you from somebody who does listen to the show. Okay. So we do a segment on our show called the Second Date Update. That's where if you go out on a date with somebody and then end up not calling them back after they can email us to get you on the phone and ask what happened. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think I have heard of this before. It's that like roses, something to do with like roses, right?

No, no, very similar though. Similar, but no, it's a little bit different. But you went out with a dude named Cody, right? Yeah, I did. Okay. Well, Cody emailed us, and we talked to him, and he told us about your date. He said that he liked you a lot, but he also said that you're not calling him back. That is true.

Okay, and Cody wants to know why. He had really nice things to say about you. He thought you were a quality woman. Oh, well, that's very nice. I don't know exactly what to say. It was definitely one of the most awkward dates I've been on. What was so awkward about it? I don't know exactly what it was.

Like, he was just clearly having a hard time that night. Like, with everything or just towards the end? It was like sort of started towards like the middle, I guess. And then it just kept getting like stranger. And then we ended up just deciding like, hey, let's just call it a night and maybe like reschedule. How so? What do you mean by stranger?

So he was definitely very sweaty, I guess, which was like fine at first, like whatever. But like he kept going to the bathroom. And one of the times this guy who actually came out of the bathroom and came over to me and was like, hey, are you with that guy? And he's like, I don't know what his deal is, but he just offered me $40 to switch pants with him. What? And the guy told you that? Yeah. That is so weird.

What did you think? I didn't know what to say. I was like, oh, okay. It was so weird. And, like, at this point, I'm like, all kinds of things are creeping into my mind. And I'm like, whatever it is, it must have been, like, bad like bad or gross to like try to switch pants with a stranger in the bathroom. Yeah. But then don't you feel bad for him? I did feel bad. Like you do. So I'm just sitting there. So what do you, what do you think happened while he was in there? I don't know if he had an accident,

like pooped himself in the bathroom. That's what you think happened. Yeah. I don't, I don't know what else to think. Like, it must have been bad. It must have been gross. He was, like, all flustered and everything, and it's just, like, before, I was like, yeah, let's do these jello shots. Like, I'll probably make out with this guy tonight, and now if I think about that, I'm thinking about gross things. I'm like, I don't

even know how that'll work. Yeah. So I do feel bad I haven't texted him back, but, like, I just, like, I don't know how to get past that. Well, you don't have to feel too bad because you can talk to him right now. He's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. What? Yeah, I think he's still there.

Cody, are you still there? Yeah, I'm still here. Oh, my God. I would not have said that much about it if I knew. You thought I pooped myself? I mean, what was i supposed to think right she's still thinking you pooped yourself like right now she's thinking you didn't like i've never pooped myself i would never poop myself i don't know i mean i'm sure you have at some point in your life i mean i'm

not like judging you because it happened i'm just like i, I don't know. It didn't happen. I'm serious. It really didn't happen. I didn't. Okay. Then Cody, if you really didn't poop your pants and like, what the hell is going on? Okay. So I was going to go home and shower after work to get ready for the date, but I didn't have time. So like I walked to the restaurant and i got a little bit sweaty and then you walked into that place and i was just done by you and i got really nervous like you were more than i expected and once like the dates started happening you were really cool and and then he pooped himself no you're making no i didn't i didn't poop myself please stop it does sound like you're leading up to nervous diarrhea i'm gonna agree with it

i've never had nervous diarrhea in my life i'm sorry i'm sorry he didn't poop himself i swear i i had bo like you didn't smell that? No. It smelled like vinegar. Vinegar sweats? I mean, I honestly, like, I didn't smell anything at the beginning of the date. I don't know what you were doing in the bathroom if it wasn't that, but I feel like you're just trying to make up an excuse about it, which I understand it's embarrassing, but, like, it happens. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not making up an excuse. Not at all. That's the truth. I was at BO. So what did you do in the bathroom, Cody? You've got to finish the story. Yeah, please. So I wasn't carrying deodorant with me. So when I went to the bathroom, the only thing I could do was wash my pits with, you know,

with water and hand soap. But then, I mean then I was thinking, I don't know, maybe it was the jello shots. I was thinking, maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe tonight we'll go pretty far. I washed my d*** with hand soap. You should have stuck with poop in your pants. When I came back,

it was stinging really badly. And I started to sweat more. And I just, like, I went back to the bathroom to try to get the soap off of my junk. And it obviously made a big, wet mess. And, like, I threw out my underwear there. It still sounds like I pooped myself. I didn't poop myself I just got really wet and and it was and I was trying to dry myself off with a hand

dryer I mean uh it was like the worst Cody I don't know if you're telling the truth which I'm still not really sure if you are I just I mean when you first showed up you know I did find you attractive and I thought you had kind of like a manly smell of anything. It was kind of a turn on, like nothing smells gross or weird. Like that's why I said, like, let's grab some jello shots. She liked your sweaty armpits. So I don't know, like the lengths you went to seem, if that's what happened, like seem a little extra.

All for nothing. Seem a little extra. That's nothing. Seem a little extra. That's a very good way to put it. I mean, to hear you say that you felt that my smell

was manly, it's so frustrating to hear. I mean, like, I went through all those steps. I did all that craziness

and you actually liked the smell. It's, oh, I feel so stupid. Well, Natalie, would you like to go on a second date with Cody? We'll pay for it.

He can get all sweaty before he shows up and knows that he doesn't have to take a shower in the bathroom. It's actually a really good sign, Natalie, that you have that type of chemistry with this dude. I'm serious. I mean, we did. That was before. Now I still don't know.

I don't know. Come on. Who doesn't want to start their love story with a good poop story? I mean, I don't. That's the problem. I don't, but I don't know. Well, knowing now that he didn't go to the bathroom on himself, he was just feeling sweaty and gross. Would you like to go out with him again?

Give him another chance. Yeah, come on. We'll pay. I mean, like, if it's not true, all that stuff makes him seem a little crazy. But, like, I don't know. I promise I'm normal. I promise to just. I promise I'm normal.

That's what normal people always say, Cody. I know. I was like, that's what you want to hear. I do feel bad about not texting him back because I did say we'd reschedule. So, I mean, I'm not promising anything. I just want to, like, maybe we could meet up, you know, a little friendly-ish and just see how it goes. Is that good?

I'll take it. All right. There you go. Well, congratulations, Cody. You got a second date. Kind of. I'm going for a run right now. Yeah, get nice and sweaty.

Broken Jubal in the morning. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver,

and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.

$1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm AJ Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First, introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast, the quarterback series. My co-host, Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO,

and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love.

Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.