Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Party Pooper

Episode Date: April 30, 2018

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Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025.

I'll be joined by David Roth at Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from. Need LASIK? Trust the experienced team at the LASIK Center at Evergreen Eye Center. No glasses, no contacts, no limits. What will you do? LASIK at Evergreen.com. It's time for your second date update. It's Brook and Jubal in the morning. And today's second date update could possibly be one of the most embarrassing

ones we've ever heard. Oh, that says a lot. Shockingly, though, the guy who got humiliated is the one that's calling to share it. Normally, if this happened to you or me or anybody,

probably would never want to speak of it again, ever. But for some reason, this dude wants to do it in a second date update. Okay. He likes punishment. Yep, I guess he just wants

another shot at redemption. And you'll find out what happened right now in your second date update. Okay. He likes punishment. I guess he just wants another shot at redemption. And you'll find out what happened right now in your second date update. Moving 92.5. Rook and Jubal's second date update. I feel really bad for the guy who was on the phone to do a second date update today. Not only bad, but I'm also impressed by his bravery. I read his email about what happened on his date, and I'm frankly surprised that he would be willing to tell this story to anybody, let alone do it on a radio show.

Yes. Matt, how you doing? Man, I got a weird mix of emotions because I feel like I'm throwing a Hail Mary here, and I know it's a long shot. You know what I mean? Yeah. What? The description of what happened on your date is amazing to me.

And like I said, I commend your bravery for being willing to talk about this. I mean, this is like I've lived a life where I've done embarrassing things. This is going to be the most embarrassing. That bad? Why don't you tell your story there, Matt? All right. So, you know, I meet this really, really nice girl online. Her name's Amanda, and we agreed to go to this restaurant.

And the whole deal was there's a seasonal festival going on. I really wanted to go to it. I was like, this would be so much fun. So I just kind of picked a restaurant near the festival because I wasn't sure if we were going to get to eat. I'm like, I don't want to be hungry at this festival. I just wanted to be in a good mood. So we go, and it's great. You know, it's my kind of place, laid mood. So we'd go and it's great. You know,

it's my kind of place laid back. It's got good food and big portions. I like big portions. So I love how men pick restaurants. You don't have to dress up and I can eat a lot. Well, you know, she, I wanted to see because she kept saying like all our profile and stuff like that. She's laid back. It's just like that fun. And like, I was hoping that translated to just like to eat. And we ordered cheesy fries. They were massive. She dug in with me, you know, like it was,

oh, good, cool. It's gonna be fun. We can like eat together. I want to get to what happened and the reason why you think she's not calling you back. Yeah,

but hold on, hold on. I didn't even tell you what the steak, the steak was incredible. Like I, I really thought it was gonna be like an average steak.

You don't understand. I went back and shook hands with the chef. That's how good the steak was. don't understand. I went back and shook hands with the chef. That's how good the steak was. Wow. This was incredible. I have not had a steak at a restaurant this good for the price. Were you excited about your date?

Is this a second date or a commercial for this restaurant? I'm just telling you, this was the one good part. And sometimes I'll go on dates and I'll love the food and I'll feel shamed by my date. But she didn't do that. She was just like, yeah, cool. I like a guy who can eat. Why are you eating so much food? All right, because I hadn't eaten all day.

And it's a festival. We're going to walk around a long time. I didn't want to just be hungry, you know, while we're at the festival. I can get kind of grumpy. So I wanted to be on my A game and fill my belly. My God, chili, cheese fries, and steak is already enough. Hey, I didn't even tell you about my belly. My God, chili cheese fries and steak is already enough. Hey, I didn't even tell you about the dessert.

My God. So we get one of those giant ice cream brownie sundae things and I'm going to say, I know you don't want me to go on and on and on, but oh my gosh, that whipped cream? It was like, I don't know. It was like there was a group of people in the back that were making it by

hand and that was their only job was just to make the whipped cream. After reading your email, how in the world can you still be talking about the food with the situation that happened after you ate? I want to know what happened. You do want to know what happened. Because I need to understand, like, I was so happy. I, like, this is the happiest I've been on a date at this point. All right. And so, like, that's why. So, like, we ate. This is great. Let's go. So it's just like we're walking. happy I like this is the happiest I've been on a date all right and so like

that's why so like we ate this is great let's go so it's like we're walking I start like I just kind of said berlin you know my stomach starts berlin like oh no I gotta go I should have gone there's like kind of we're kind of far from the restaurant now like there's like want to keep moving I really want to say anything you know what I mean I just didn't feel comfortable yet saying, oh, I just got to drop a giant deuce, you know? Yeah, it's usually bad first-aid etiquette to bring that up. Yes. I didn't want to do that.

So, like, we walked by this department store, and I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I got to buy a gift for one of my coworkers. I'll just go in here real quick, because tomorrow is my only chance if I don't buy it now. So I knew I'll just be in and out real quick. And so I go in, and the bathroom is on, like, the fifth floor. It's, like, escalators.

So I'm, like, running up the escalators, like, carefully, because now I'm at the point where it's very sensitive, and I can just lose it all. Oh, my gosh. I can feel it. So much graphic detail. I'm just so careful. You know, like, that run you do when you're trying to be careful

and not spill it? Yeah. I don't. I get up there. I get to the fifth floor. I'm so excited. And there's a guy with a mop, and he's cleaning. And he up there. I get to the fifth floor. I'm so excited. There's a guy with a mop and he's cleaning. He's like, you're not coming in here.

I was like, oh, the woman's bathroom. I go in the woman's bathroom, but a woman goes in and I'm not going to go in while there's a woman in there. You don't need assault charges or indecency charges on your first date. I can hold it a little longer. I run and clinch down. I'm running and, okay, I can hold it a little longer. So I run.

I run and clinch down. I'm running and clinching. I'm going down the escalators. I run out the front. She's like, what are you doing? Are you done? I was like, I gotta go. I'll be right back.

And I'm like running back to the restaurant. Like, you know what? I paid there. I can go. I can use the bathroom. And by the time I get to the restaurant, I got a pretty good sprint coming on. I mean, everything I have to hold this in. I burst the door open.

It knocks over this old man. The old man falls to the floor. I don't stop. Someone says, he knocked over an old man. I don't have time to apologize or stop. I go to the bathroom, and I just go in. And I'm like a sweating, heaving mess of shame. And I sit there on the pot, and I like I mean I destroyed that bathroom I was disgusted

by myself on so many levels and I'm sitting there and it's like taking so long I just wanted to go fast like 15 minutes which is such a long time especially after you've run up to the top of a department store and then sprinted back down sprinted by your date and she's like where are you going so yeah she's texting me she's like what's going on what's going on it's like it's fine it's fine i'll be right back i'll be right back and i was like good i'm good i'm i'm like done i stand up and i look at my pants and i had splattered my pants in the process this is not this is not gonna work i don't it. You didn't realize that you pooped your pants before you went into the bathroom? I was in a dark place.

I don't know why I was in a plane. This was not like a normal situation. I mean, I'm in there freaking out about knocking over this man. Like, I'm like, I got to go home. I got to go home and get a change of pants. Do you live close to this place? No. I live like 10 minutes away if there's no light oh you know what i mean so i went up the back door of this restaurant because i don't want

to run into this old man or his family or anyone like i go out the back door and i i drive home i like i barely you know i get home i change my pants she texts me screw you i can't believe you ditched me and i was like oh no Is that the last thing you heard from her? Yeah. Yeah, because I knew, like, there's no coming back from that. Like, I didn't know what to do. Did you try to apologize and explain what happened? I mean, I said I'm sorry, but I knew that, like, if I did a lot,

I felt like it would make it worse, so I just said I was sorry. Oh, my God. My brain is, like, still spitting from your, like, really detailed story about pooping yourself why would you ever think it's okay to leave a woman on the street for how long in the end it was like 35 40 minutes yeah no wonder she's not calling you back i mean you know what happened obviously yeah i know that's why i'm like that's why i said how mary at the beginning of the conversation like but i had such a good time like you have to understand like she really is cool like i

i met this really cool girl who's like fun and fun and has, like, a good sense of humor. And for some reason, I just, like, freaked out. Well, you're going to have to see how cool she is when we get her on the phone and you tell her the actual story of what happened. Oh, I don't know. I don't want to tell her all the details. We can just, like, tell her, like, generally what happened, you know, and then see if she'll go out with me again. I think, I mean, we don't have to give every example. I'm just going to take this first part we're talking right now, we recorded your story, and play that back for her.

Have her listen to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please don't do that. All right. We'll play a song. Come back. Call her. I love you guys.

I'm a big fan of you. Please. All right. Hey, you're going to have to tell her a little bit, but we'll do it after this song. We'll play a song. Come back. Call her and get your second date update, okay? All right. Thank you, guys. All right. Hang, you're going to have to tell her a little bit, but we'll do it after this song. We'll play a song, come back, call her, and get your second date update, okay? All right. Thank you, guys.

All right. Hang on there. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update. If you're just tuning in for today's second date update, Matt is on the phone. And, yes, if you missed Matt explaining what happened on his first date, it was rather embarrassing. Long story short, he had to go to the bathroom really bad after they had dinner. Tried to find

a restroom. Didn't tell her what he was doing because he was embarrassed. Ran to the top of a department store. Bathroom was closed there. Sprinted down the stairs and passed her. She didn't know where he was going. Into a restaurant. Knocked over an old dude on the way. And people yelled like, hey, that guy is knocked over this old guy,

but he was in a very bad place, so he had to go straight to the bathroom. He ended up going, took him about 15 minutes, and then he realized that he accidentally had an accident on his pants. So he tried to go home to change his pants,

and at that point, she texted him and was like, it's obvious that you ditched me, and she hasn't talked to him since. We're about to get her on the phone and see if Matt can somehow salvage what happened and get a second date Matt Are you ready to go? Is ready as I'm gonna be Matt you do realize the last image She has of you is you sprinting away from her on the street. It's not even that you just ditched her you ran

It's the worst it's the worst it could be. It really is. I don't know. I've never. This is. I don't know. Yeah. Good luck to you, man.

I don't know how you're going to get a second date out of this one. Especially when he's like, no, no, no. You don't get it. I pooped my pants. Don't worry. Yeah. It's not as bad. It wasn't you.

It's just that I have no control over my bowels. Would you like to go out again and try this over? Why? All right. I'm going to dial the phone right now and get her on the phone, okay? If you guys don't mind vouching for me that I'm a good guy, that would be great. Sure. I'll tell her we're longtime personal friends and that you're a great dude.

You're such a liar. That would be amazing. Okay. I'm going to dial the phone right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Amanda please? This is.

Hello Amanda, how are you? This is Jubal from Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. It's a radio show? We host a morning radio show and one of our listeners actually emailed us about you to see if we could get you on the phone. About me? Mm-hmm.

It's called the second date update, basically. If you go out on a date with somebody and don't call them back after the date, they email us to see if we can get you on the phone and find out what went wrong. I think we kind of know what went wrong on your date. But I could be wrong. The guy that emailed us, his name is Matt. He wanted you to call me? Yes, he did. I can't even imagine why. Yeah, he said that he really enjoyed your date. Well, that's pretty interesting because

he's the one that ditched me, so I'm not really sure. Amanda, what if I told you that he had a really good reason for having to leave your date? I don't think there is a good reason. There's pretty much nothing that could make me say, oh, that makes sense. Really? I think if you heard his story, you might actually be happy that he didn't come back to you. I just, I can't even imagine that there is some excuse good enough for him ditching me, leaving me standing there by myself to find my own ride home.

Well, why don't I let him tell you? Because he's actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you because he feels really bad about what happened on your date. Oh, my God. Right now? Yes. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not. Matt? Hi, Amanda. because he feels really bad about what happened on your date. Right now? Yes. Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not. Matt? Hi, Amanda. What do you want? I just want to apologize and explain what happened because I know that it seems like I ditched you and I didn't ditch you. Matt, you did ditch me. I was standing there for a very long time by myself and that means that you did ditch me. I was standing there for a very long time by myself, and that means that you ditched me. No, I know.

Like, I've been ditched lots of times before, and I understand what it feels like. It's terrible. I feel that way. I had an emergency, and so I didn't know how to explain it at the time. There wasn't a way that that would have been... Okay, it was weird enough that you left me standing there to go buy a present or whatever

and then you came back and ran right past me. What's your emergency? I can't even understand why this, what's your emergency? Okay, so remember when

we were at the restaurant how much food I ate? Yes, I do. A lot of food. A lot of food. Yeah, so, I hadn't eaten all day and so i had to go like worse than i ever have in my life completely unprecedented did not know what to do with it bathroom yeah to the bathroom trying to be polite to the bathroom number two i had to go like

emergency emergency like code red okay so as adults, you couldn't say, like, when we're in the restaurant, excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom. See, I didn't have to go at that point. I only had to go when we were walking. So I was like, I got to go now. I got to go now. We can't have a coffee shop. You could have said, let's grab a coffee and gone to the bathroom there.

I know. We're not in second grade. I don't understand why you couldn't have just handled it. I mean, what am I supposed to do here? Turn you to a handle, let the crap out of my pants. I'm going to first date with you. You know, I didn't want to like, I don't know. Well, I think that was.

I definitely appreciate that you didn't say that, but you could have said something. You could have done anything. Hey, let's go in here together and run away to the bathroom. I wouldn't ask you to come to the bathroom while I have to do that. Okay, Matt. I'm not trying to be so literal here. I'm just saying we could have gone into the building structure at the same time so I wasn't standing outside on the street wondering where you were.

That would have made sense. That would have made much more sense. It was really upsetting. I was having a good time, and I so frustrated then i was cold then i got embarrassed because i was completely ditched i went through so many emotions in that half an hour that should never happen on a first date i know i know i know i went through a lot of emotions too and i've been i feel terrible so you're the victim of this whole thing? I'm the one that was gay in marriage. No, no, no. You're the victim.

You're the victim. You're the victim. I'm sorry. No, you're the victim. My emotions don't matter. That's not the point. You're the one that had the issues. I was ditched.

I'm the one that went home and told my friends I will never do internet dating again because look what this guy did to me. I'm the one. You know what? I figured that. I figured you were probably telling your friends. And that's fine. You should tell everyone. I'm the one. You know what? I figured that. I figured you were probably telling your friends, and that's fine. You should tell everyone.

I understand that. I want to go on another date with you, and I don't care if that's the story that always gets told. If the bathroom was what you were trying to do, and you had to go do it, why wouldn't you come back? We were gonna go to the fair. I don't get that. I don't understand.

In all honesty, the reason I didn't come back is that I sh** my pants. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I feel like I'm talking to a child right now. I'm telling you the truth. Okay, well, sometimes, and I've never said this out loud,

but sometimes it's better to lie than give that many details. So, Amanda, you prefer? I don't know that about you. So this is how I figured that out. I don't know. This is how I know that. I would rather anything but knowing that you... I can't even say it.

Like, come on. Amanda, that's what happened. Hey, at least he's honest. You know that. He told us about your date. Said that he loved going out with you. He really enjoyed it and thought you were awesome. But he had an unfortunate situation where his body was going out with you. He really enjoyed it and thought you were awesome, but he had an unfortunate situation

where his body was not working with him, and he kind of ruined his pants, and he tried to go home and do this all in a timely manner, but at that point, you were done. I don't even tell you, I knocked down an old man, too, when I opened the door, and everyone hated me. Everyone hated me. You crapped your pants.

I'll tell you everything. You crapped your pants. You knocked an old man down. You ditched a girl you claim to be having a good time with. And you never communicated any of this with anybody. I'm gonna say you have some issues and I'm not ready to go out

again. It's not gonna happen. Amanda, are you sure? Because I would like to ask if you'll go out on a second date with Matt. We will pay for it. Come on. I don't think it's gonna be a good idea. Weird. From the recap that you just said, it sounded like a fantastic time. I'm surprised that you're saying no. That's all that's true.

All that's true. And good news is you know that the worst, like the worst that could go with me is that. That's the bottom. Wait a minute. That's not a normal bottom. I'm sorry. I can't let you finish. That's the first date.

How is this the worst that it's going to be? It's supposed to be the very best ever. But it's all uphill from here, Amanda. How are you guys siding with him? I don't understand this. Stuff happens, bro. Whatever. If a girl crapped her pants on a date, none of you would ever talk to her again.

Yeah, that's very true. I would. I absolutely would. I'd feel so much more comfortable if a girl crapped her pants or burped or did anything gross. I'd be like, that's not true. Well, you would. You would because that's very true. I would. I absolutely would. I'd feel so much more comfortable with a girl crafter pants or burps or did anything gross. I'd be like, that's gross. Well, you would. You would, because that's your thing.

It was just one time. All right. Well, so Amanda, no, you don't want to go out with him again. It's not going to happen. I will use it as an example of what not to do for the rest of my life. Broken Jubal in the morning. Text in at 78592 says, I don't get why she wasn't understanding at all. And you know what?

I agree. It's Broken Jubal in the morning talking about today's second date update. If you missed it, Matt wanted to call Amanda. They went to dinner together. And afterwards, while they were walking around, Matt just sprinted away from her. She thought that he had just ditched her. But it turns out that he ate a lot of food on the date. And he panicked because he couldn't find a bathroom,

and he actually shared that he did have an accident in his pants, so he had to go home and clean himself up. Oh, man. Oh, God. It's a horrible situation. I get it. It's just like if someone poops himself on the date, it's hard to then want to make out with them. You know, because that's the vision you have.

So we got Amanda on the phone, and she wasn't very understanding about it at all, not even happy about it when Matt told her she thought he could have been more considerate and told her what happened, but I don't know. I don't even know if I could have that conversation. That's a lose-lose situation. I mean, you got poop in your pants, and you don't want to talk about it. In the end, they decided to not go out again because she just thought he was rude. Remember, if you want to do a second date update, all you have to do is email the show

and we will call the person who didn't call you back. Move at 92.5. We're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances

so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth at Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest

appearances from Behind the Bastards' Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.